Find A Christian Man

Category: Dating and Discernment

Biblical wisdom for dating with clarity, purpose, and discernment. Learn how to recognize godly character, identify red flags, establish healthy boundaries, and make relationship decisions that honor Christ without allowing chemistry, attraction, or the desire for marriage to speak louder than wisdom.

  • How Do I Make A Man Love Me?

    How Do I Make A Man Love Me?

    The minds of many women are occupied with the question, “How do I make a man love me?” We want to know how to make him light up when we walk into a room and we want him to absolutely adore us. We desire the ultimate commitment from a man, and we want him to make us feel secure in his love and devotion. It’s the real love that we’re after. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes, we want him to be oozing over with a Christ-like manhood. When we’re sad, he will do anything within his power to make that sadness go away. When we’re working on a project, he’s all-hands-on-deck. We never have to beg him to spend time with us because he makes us feel that being in our company is the highlight of his day. He’s loyal to the end, and this is the man we want to love us. We want him prepared and prepackaged with the capacity to return the quality of love that we give him.

    Facts

    I went to college with women that had been pumped and primed by their mothers to marry a college man of a certain breeding. They were told what to do and what not to do, and many of them followed the rules to a tee. Their studies were second to landing the right man and securing a wedding date and marriage soon after college. Growing up, all of us probably learned some portion of a formula-based thinking about how to get a man. It might have been primarily focused on the man’s physical desires. We were told to do this or do that to secure his affection. The reality that no one schooled us about is this; the way you begin a relationship molds the quality of it. So, if it isn’t beginning with the love of God in our hearts, and we don’t renew our minds to His Word and fill our hearts with His love, that relationship has nowhere to go but down.

    It’s a fact that objectifying men based on preconceived notions of who they are and what they like is just as horrible as objectifying women. The reality is that there’s no way to hold a relationship together when physical attraction is used as a net to capture and keep someone tied to it. That’s never a successful strategy.

    Marriage was sanctioned by God in the very beginning. He established it for His purpose, and we can never forget this if we desire to marry well. Through the marital union, God provides for our needs, and when Jesus Christ is the head of that union, the couple and their family unit is blessed and unified. If we take marriage out of the holy and appointed purpose that God has set, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.

    As women who desire to partner with a man in marriage, we are deserving of someone that is capable of giving all the love and devotion of which we, ourselves, are capable of giving. This is both the mindset and the heart required for starting a solid relationship, because it sets the stage for mutual respect and unity. We can’t afford to neglect the words of Jesus Christ in Luke 12:48(NLT), “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” So, out of respect and reverence for God’s institution of marriage and its purpose, we should never expect of someone more than we have proven willing to do and give ourselves.

    God has equipped us through Christ to continually exceed the love of which we think ourselves capable. We should also understand that our personal commitment to pour into our spouses, to give, share, and serve them, is also a required mind-and-heart-set for God’s daughters. We should forever be willing to give and share at or above the level we expect to receive.

    The right motivation

    All human beings have needs, and all human beings that are capable of intelligent thought can perceive those needs mentally, emotionally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually. So, our needs are multi-faceted. As women, we should not expect men to be any different. Primarily, we all want to be loved. We want people in our lives that love and support us. Please be clear that God created us in such a way that His love, and the desire for it, is at the root of all our needs. This is basic for all human beings, but many deny it. Although they seek elsewhere to get their needs met, only God can fill our cups and make us fulfilled in life.

    1John 4:8(NLT) clarifies any misunderstandings we might have about this. It says, “But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” God is our Creator, and He created us by, in, with, and through His love. He made us what He is, because Genesis 1:26-27 tells us that we were made in His image. So, we are made to both seek and give love, but not just any ol’ love. We’re created to seek and give God’s love.

    Most people make the mistake of trying to separate God’s love from romantic love, but that is impossible. Romantic love is only possible through God’s love. So, don’t try to separate romantic or any other kind of love from the Creator who is love and created all that we survey. As God’s people, our love for God is the right motivation no matter what we might attempt to do. When our motivation isn’t to love God and share His brand of love, but to fulfill our own personal agendas, we run into problems and the blessings we seek escape us. This is where many single women are today. They want to find someone to love them, but do not have an intimate relationship with God, the Source of all love. Because of this, they can’t see the blessing even if it is standing right in front of them.

    The power of love

    God is love. He demonstrated His great love for us all when He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to give his life as a sacrifice for our sins. God’s love comes to live in us when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. The only way to have God’s love in our hearts is for Him to put it there through the new birth experience. The Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside us and gives us the desire to please God and love others. This is power, and without it, we are disappointed and defeated in our efforts.

    We are incapable of making someone love us, and in truth, this is never something a child of God would have to do. 1John 4:16(NLT) tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” When God’s love is in us, we will want to please Him by loving others through Jesus Christ. Despite our differences and backgrounds, we are all created by God and programmed to love and to be drawn to love. It’s in us, and it is a very spiritual reality. Those who live in love are drawn to others who live in love as well, because God is in them.

    Trying to make a man love us is like trying to fit a square peg into a round whole. It’s an unnatural thing to do. Obedience to God’s Word takes care of all our needs in life. Sometimes we forget that love is power, because God is love and all power is in His hands. You and I don’t have any power of our own. It all belongs to God. He’s demonstrated the power of His love through His Word. Because of His wonder working power, we’ve seen up-close and personal that love is the power that motivates, attracts, transforms, and changes things for the better. So, making the right man love you requires no effort from you at all. God will take care of every detail of your marital union when your heart is full of His love and your desire is to do His Will and put Him first in your life.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “How Do I Make A Man Love Me?”, written by Sokie for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • How Far Is Too Far? Let’s Talk About Boundaries

    How Far Is Too Far? Let’s Talk About Boundaries

    We Might As Well Talk About It

    So, how far is too far?

    You knew we were going to have to get here eventually.

    Because Christians can get very creative with this particular question. We know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage, so then comes the negotiation. Okay, but what about this? What about that? How much kissing? Where can we touch? Can I stay over if nothing happens? What if we’re engaged? What if we’re practically married? And somewhere in there I think we have to admit that sometimes we’re not really asking God where the boundary is. We’re asking Him how close we can get to it without Him calling foul. That’s a different question. And I don’t think that’s how people who genuinely want to honor God should approach this. 1Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee sexual immorality.” Flee. Not investigate it. Not sit beside it and see how everybody feels. Flee. God created sexual desire, so there is nothing dirty about being strongly attracted to somebody. Thank God you’re attracted to the person you’re considering marrying. But just because a desire is good doesn’t mean it gets to have whatever it wants whenever it wants it.

    Please Don’t Wait Until 11:47 P.M. to Discover Your Boundaries

    You need to know your boundaries before you need your boundaries. Please don’t wait until the lights are low, you’re alone, you’ve been kissing for twenty minutes, and everybody’s breathing has changed to suddenly announce, “We should probably talk about what we’re comfortable with.” Friend, that meeting should have been held several hours ago. Maybe several weeks ago. You already know more about yourself than you sometimes want to admit. If long kissing sessions make it very difficult for you to stop, then stop having long kissing sessions. If being in his bedroom is a problem, you don’t need forty days of prayer about whether you should keep going into his bedroom. If spending the night keeps turning into almost, stop spending the night.

    And let’s include the phone while we’re here. Sexting is sexual. Sending intimate pictures is sexual. Having explicit conversations and then congratulating yourselves because nobody physically touched anybody is playing games with yourself. Romans 13:14 tells us to “make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Sometimes maturity is not needing God to send a lightning bolt. Just keep it real. Because you already know exactly what keeps happening.

    And women, we don’t get to put all of this on him. I know we talk a lot about whether a man will respect your boundaries, and we absolutely should. But you need boundaries too. He is not the designated keeper of everybody’s self-control simply because he’s the man. 1Thessalonians 4 tells believers to control their own bodies in holiness and honor. Your body. Your choices. Your responsibility before God. His body. His choices. His responsibility before God. Now, if you tell a man, “I’m not comfortable doing that,” and he keeps pouting, negotiating, getting irritated, or trying again every time the opportunity comes up, don’t dismiss it as he just wants me so badly. No ma’am. Pay attention.

    You just learned something important: how he responds when you tell him no. Does he respect your boundary, or does he keep pushing until he hopes you’ll give in? Because a man’s response to your conviction tells you something about his character. That is relationship information. Put it in the file.

    And Please Don’t Confuse Being Wanted With Being Loved

    This one can get us. A man can want you desperately and still not love you well. Those are not the same thing. Sexual desire can be intense, flattering, intoxicating, and very convincing. It can make you feel chosen. It can make a relationship feel much deeper than it actually is. And sometimes we read a man’s inability to keep his hands off us as evidence of how powerful the relationship must be. It’s possible. Or maybe he really, really likes touching you. Let’s not make it more spiritual than it is.

    And the reverse is true too. If a Christian man pulls back, establishes a boundary, or says, “We need to stop,” don’t immediately decide he isn’t attracted to you. He may be extremely attracted to you. Self-control only means something when there is actually something you want. Galatians 5:22–23 calls self-control fruit of the Spirit. There is something beautiful about a man or woman being able to say, “Yes, I want you. And because I belong to Christ, wanting you is not enough reason for me to do whatever I feel like doing with you.”

    So where exactly is the line? I can’t give you a chart. The Bible doesn’t tell us that a seven-second kiss is holy and a twelve-second kiss requires repentance. And I am very glad it doesn’t, because we would have turned that into foolishness by Tuesday.

    What Scripture gives us is better: flee sexual immorality, walk by the Spirit, practice self-control, pursue holiness, and honor God with your body. So maybe instead of constantly asking, “Can we do this?” we need to ask, “What is this doing to us?”

    Does it make self-control harder? Is it repeatedly taking you right to the edge and daring you to stop? Are you creating sexual appetites every Friday night that you have no righteous way to satisfy? Are you honoring each other, or are you helping each other rationalize how close you can get without technically crossing the line?

    Because that matters. The question isn’t simply whether an act is technically allowed. The question is whether what you’re doing is helping you practice holiness or making holiness harder to practice.

    Attraction is good. Desire is real. And boundaries aren’t punishment for having either one. They’re what wisdom looks like when two people can honestly say, “We want each other. We love Jesus. And we’re not foolish enough to pretend those two realities don’t require us to make some decisions.”

    “How Far Is Too Far? Let’s Talk About Boundaries”, written by Alex for https://findchristianman.com, Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Chemistry Is Not the Same as Confirmation

    Chemistry Is Not the Same as Confirmation

    Chemistry can be powerful. You meet someone, you enjoy being around them, you can talk for hours, and there is an attraction that feels natural. You may feel like you have known them forever. There is nothing wrong with having chemistry with someone, but we have to be careful about what we allow those feelings to tell us. Chemistry can tell you that you are attracted to someone. It can tell you that you enjoy their personality and feel comfortable around them. But chemistry cannot tell you whether someone has the character to build a Christ-centered marriage with you. Feelings can be real and still not tell the whole story. This is one reason we cannot allow how we feel about someone to become our only way of deciding whether we should marry them. We also need to seek God and allow Him to show us whether the relationship we desire is one He wants for our lives.

    Sometimes we can become so caught up in how someone makes us feel that we stop paying attention to what God may be showing us. We may see the good qualities, the attraction, the attention, and the excitement of being with them, while overlooking things that should concern us. Maybe their relationship with God is inconsistent. Maybe they don’t respect boundaries. Maybe they are controlling, dishonest, or emotionally unhealthy. We can notice these things and still make excuses because the chemistry is strong.

    Paul prayed in Philippians 1:9–10 (NLT), “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.” Love does not require us to ignore what we see. As we grow in Christ, we should also grow in our ability to discern what really matters.

    Marriage is not built on chemistry alone. There will be days when you don’t feel butterflies. There will be disagreements, disappointments, responsibilities, and difficult seasons. What carries a marriage through those moments is not simply how strongly two people are attracted to each other. Character, commitment, faith, wisdom, and the ability to love according to God’s Word matter.

    Proverbs 3:5 (NLT) says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” That applies to relationships too. We can be convinced that we know what is best because of how we feel, but God sees what we cannot see. Sometimes we are asking God to confirm what we have already decided instead of asking Him to lead us. If we really want God’s Will for our lives and relationships, we have to be willing to let Him show us something we may not want to see. That means slowing down enough to pray, pay attention, and allow God to lead instead of rushing because the relationship feels good.

    First Samuel 16:7 (NLT) reminds us that “people judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” We can see what someone wants us to see, but God sees the heart. He sees their character when nobody is watching. He sees how they handle temptation, how they treat people who cannot do anything for them, how they respond when they are angry, and whether their private life matches their public faith. This is why you cannot make a marriage decision based only on what someone says or how they make you feel. Take the time to watch their life. Listen to what they say but pay attention to what they consistently do. A person can say all the right things and still not have the character needed for marriage. So we may not be able to see the heart the way God does, but over time, what is in the heart will show up in the fruit a person produces.

    This doesn’t mean you are looking for a perfect person. There isn’t one. But there is a difference between recognizing someone’s weaknesses and repeatedly overlooking patterns that reveal dishonesty, lack of self-control, disrespect, spiritual indifference, or unwillingness to change.

    Ask God for confirmation, but also make sure you understand what confirmation actually looks like. Confirmation is not always a feeling of excitement or the fact that everything seems to fall into place. An open door does not automatically mean God opened it. Even circumstances we think are greenlights have to be weighed carefully. Everything falling into place does not automatically mean God is giving His approval.

    When we strongly want something, it can be easy to interpret ordinary events as signs from God. We bumped into each other again. He called right after I prayed. We both like the same Scripture. My friend said we’d make a cute couple. Everything keeps lining up. Whatever we believe is confirmation should agree with God’s Word and never require us to excuse sin, ignore wisdom, or overlook what God has already allowed us to see. Often confirmation comes through wisdom, Scripture, godly counsel, circumstances, and what God reveals about a person’s character over time.

    1Thessalonians 5:21 (NLT) tells us, “Test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good.” We should be willing to test what we are feeling instead of automatically trusting every emotion. Ask yourself: Am I becoming more obedient to Christ in this relationship, or am I compromising things I once believed mattered? Do I have peace because I have sought God, or because I am getting what I want? Can we pray together? Do we agree about the kind of marriage we want to build? Is this person willing to submit their life to Christ? Are there things I am ignoring because I don’t want to lose the relationship?

    Chemistry may get your attention, but it cannot give you confirmation. Attraction may bring two people together, but it cannot sustain a marriage by itself. You need more than butterflies. You need a relationship that can stand on truth, character, faith, and a shared desire to honor God. Don’t be so afraid of losing a relationship that you stop listening to God. If you are asking Him to prepare you for a Christ-centered marriage, then allow Him to lead you—even when His answer doesn’t match what your feelings are telling you. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.‘

    “Chemistry Is Not the Same as Confirmation”, written by Alex for https://findchristianman.com, Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • He Says He’s a Christian, But Is There Fruit?

    He Says He’s a Christian, But Is There Fruit?

    A Profession of Faith Matters, but Jesus Told Us to Look at the Fruit

    A man telling you that he is a Christian should matter to you. If you belong to Jesus Christ, you should want a man who belongs to Him too. But somewhere along the way, we can make the mistake of treating the words “I’m a Christian” as though they answer every other question we need to ask. They don’t. A man may attend church, know Scripture, pray with you, serve in ministry, and know how to have a spiritual conversation. Those things are good, but Jesus gave us something deeper to look for. Luke 6:44 (NKJV) says, “For every tree is known by its own fruit.” Jesus did not tell us to determine what kind of tree we are looking at by what the tree says about itself. Eventually, what is inside is going to produce something we can see. So when a man tells you that he loves Jesus, listen to him. But then give yourself enough time to see what that relationship with Jesus is producing in his life.

    Fruit Shows Up in the Way He Lives

    Fruit takes time to observe, and sometimes you learn the most about a person’s character when things are not going his way. How does he treat people when there is nothing in it for him? What happens when he is disappointed, inconvenienced, corrected, or told no? Can he admit when he is wrong, or does every disagreement somehow become somebody else’s fault? Does he keep his word? How does he handle money? Does he respect your boundaries when they interfere with what he wants? Is he teachable? Can he forgive? Does he exercise self-control?

    Galatians 5:22–23(NLT) says, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” We are not looking for a man who demonstrates every one of these perfectly every day. None of us does. We are looking for evidence that the Holy Spirit is doing something in him—that when his flesh wants one thing and God requires another, there is evidence that he is learning to submit himself to God.

    Be Careful About Explaining Away What You See

    This is where discernment can become difficult, because once we really like someone, we can start helping him explain away his own fruit. We call a pattern of anger “stress.” We call controlling behavior “protective.” We call inconsistency “he’s just busy.” We call sexual pressure “chemistry.” We call spiritual passivity “he’s still growing.” And yes, people do get stressed, people are busy, and every Christian is still growing. One bad response does not tell you everything there is to know about a man’s character. But neither should you keep giving a different explanation for the same behavior every time it appears. There is a difference between extending grace to an imperfect person and refusing to accept what repeated behavior is showing you. Matthew 7:20 (NKJV) says, “Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” Sometimes the hardest part of discernment isn’t figuring out what you’re seeing. It is being willing to accept what you’re seeing when you hoped the relationship would become something more.

    Look for Patterns, Not Perfection

    A godly man can have a bad day. He can say the wrong thing, make a poor decision, struggle in an area of his life, or need time to mature. The question is what happens when his failure is brought into the light. Does he repent? Does he make excuses? Does he receive correction, or does he resent anyone who challenges him? Does he want to grow, or does he simply want you to become more comfortable with behavior that should concern you? One of the clearest signs of spiritual maturity is not that a person never gets anything wrong, but that he can be confronted with truth and allow that truth to change him. A man who is following Christ should be becoming more like Christ. Not overnight, and not without struggle, but there should be movement. James 1:22 (NKJV) says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” Knowing what the Bible says and allowing the Bible to govern your life are two different things.

    Before you begin imagining what kind of husband he might be, pay attention to the man he already is. You are not trying to determine whether he is flawless, and you are certainly not being called to sit in judgment over another person’s salvation. You are discerning whether the life in front of you is consistent with what he says he believes. Is there humility? Integrity? Repentance? Self-control? Faithfulness? Does he obey God when obedience costs him something? Does his relationship with Jesus Christ affect the way he treats you and other people? Give fruit enough time to grow where you can see it, and don’t allow attraction, loneliness, potential, or the desire to be married to make you afraid to examine what is actually there. If he says he is a Christian, don’t stop there. Look for the fruit.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “He Says He’s a Christian, But Is There Fruit?”, written by Alex for https://findchristianman.com, Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • He’s Mine Forever

    He’s Mine Forever

    Psalm 73:25-26 (NLT)
    “25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.”

    If you’ve been in a significant relationship for a few years, and then things fall apart, the absence of having this person in your life can be deafening. When we’re in a relationship, we rarely consider the pain, anxiety, and lasting consequences that follow a breakup. These are not welcomed visitors, but they can come without invitation. We got too comfortable and for some of us, this was a trap. Without being conscious of it, “He’s mine forever” began to play in the background of our minds, and we bought into this even though the man never promised it, and his actions never conveyed it.

    Discernment
    The harsh reality is that pain is often our greatest teacher. It should teach us to guard our hearts, to be careful about who we let into our lives, and to be as patient with God as possible, especially when we’re figuring out exactly what we’re working with in the discernment phase of the relationship. It should also teach us that we desperately need God’s help with the rugged terrain of relationships. It’s arguably the area that we need spiritual discernment most. We need this sharpened spiritual tool to steer clear of men that will ultimately be harmful to our walk with the Father through Jesus Christ. They can cause us to go backward instead of forward, and when we get caught up in this, we can potentially miss the one God has sent.

    We need to know that it’s possible to miss a blessing. People do it all the time. Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” The wrong path will set us up for failure, but in every case, the right path will lead us to God’s blessings. He’s the One who shows us which path to take. If we lean on Him, we’ll have the discernment to know what is for us and what isn’t.

    Learn to love appropriately

    The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:9-11(The Message) says, “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Romantic love isn’t primary. Loving a man through the love of Jesus Christ is most important to our Heavenly Father, and this is the kind of love that overcomes all obstacles.

    God’s wisdom teaches us that “He’s mine forever” is not the right attitude when there’s no ring on our fingers. We know from experience that sometimes relationships do not stand the test of time; only our relationship with God through Jesus Christ will last forever. So, we must be so careful not to place all our eggs in another individual’s basket. We need to be anchored in God. Only He is worthy of all our trust. The psalmist said in Psalm 73:25 that he desired God more than anything else. This should be the passion of our hearts as well. When it is, we will walk with the Lord, and be guided by Him. Then we can trust what He has for us with all our hearts. ■

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “He’s Mine Forever”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…

    I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…

    Pink floral background with a beautiful woman praying and the words of 2 Timothy 3:16 written below

    1 John 3:16-18 (NLT)
     “16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion–how can God’s love be in that person? 18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”

    Recently I noticed something a bit different about a co-worker and good friend. He’s usually in a great mood and always anxious for the end of the day on Fridays so his weekend can begin. He’s been dating someone for over a year, and they’ve been spending a lot of time together on the weekends, but something has changed. After almost a week of being unusually quiet, I asked him if he was alright. He said to me, “I had been seriously contemplating giving my lady an engagement ring, but there’s some things about her that I’ve noticed lately. They are too concerning for me to overlook. I love her, but I don’t think I can make this move yet. I need to see a change.”

    His honesty with himself about what he was seeing from this woman is impressive. He wasn’t in denial about what could potentially be real problems in a marriage down the road, and that’s a really good thing. As women, sometimes we don’t give ourselves this gift. Even when there are flashing lights and warning signs all over the place, if we think a ring is even a remote possibility, some of us will ignore it when the man has issues that are very problematic. Our aim shouldn’t be to ignore these things, but to deal with them in a way that leaves us and the other person in a higher spiritual place.

    In the beginning of relationships, people present themselves in a certain way because they are purposefully trying to put themselves in the best possible light. This kind of surface-dwelling can last up to a year, and even longer. It’s inevitable, though, that this will eventually wear thin and two people will begin to see what is underneath the surface about each other. It can be a very challenging time in the relationship, and most of them go through this stage. There’s going to be a point where two people see each other’s dirt, and sometimes it can be so hurtful that many couples do not recover.

    Both people think that they are right and the other is wrong. A woman might say, “I’m ready but he has this issue that keeps popping up.” If abuse is the issue, that should never be tolerated, but when it isn’t a factor and both individuals are committed to Christ, our Lord and Master should have the final say. He gives us the truth, and it breaks through all the layers and it should cause us yield to God’s Will, purpose, and plan.

    In Matthew 7:3-5(NLT), Jesus said, “3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” When things go south, tit-for-tat is often the game played. We think that if the other person would just change something about themselves, things would be better. But the reality is that no one wins in the blame game. Both individuals need to take a good long look in the mirror. In significant relationships, we all come to the table broken in some way. And when it comes to taking that relationship to the next level, we all think we’re ready, but the truth is simply that sometimes we’re not.

    There’s a place of pain within all of us, and when something is done to take us to that place, our first inclination is to shut down and become non-communicative. Jesus Christ offers another solution. We need to get rid of the speck in our own eye, and that is a very challenging thing to do, but we can do it if we humble ourselves under the leadership and direction of the Holy Spirit. Many of us have a need to be right, and when things get raw, we can easily turn to bitterness and blame. We can be like, “That’s a wrap for me!” but we have to be careful, because this would never be the response of Jesus Christ. Whether the relationship is salvageable or not, we have to take a step back and be obedient to the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23(NLT) tells us, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” These are the fruit the Spirit produces, and he produces them through us. We must submit to this.

    God’s Word tells us that when we grow up and mature spiritually and physically, we must let go of childish things. We must come to a place in our faith where we recognize and trust that the power of God’s love can transform anything. It can transform us, and it can transform the one that has hurt us. We are His children, and if we allow His love to reign in our attitude and behavior, we will demonstrate that we are true disciples of Christ. We will witness that God’s love is the ultimate problem solver. It will cause us to be who He wants us to be, and it is the solid foundation on which any lasting and beautiful relationship must rest.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Loving Wisely

    Loving Wisely

    John 15:9(NLT)
    “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.”

    In Colossians 3:14(ESV), our Heavenly Father tells us, “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”  This is an amazingly important verse, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Through the Apostle Paul, God informs us that His love is the glue that binds everything, including our relationships, together. Only His love can do that. God also tells us in Colossians 3:12-13 to put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, and to forgive each other as He has forgiven us. These are all important, but He tells us that what is most important is that we put His love in our hearts. God’s love is forgiving, kind, patient, righteous, and enduring. He means for us to put that kind of love in our hearts because that’s His kind of love, and it’s a powerful force of victory for all who put Him first and follow the example of Christ.

    As women who walk in God’s wisdom, we must know that feelings of love can be quite different from the actions of God’s love. Not making this distinction can be extremely costly. God’s love is real and true. It’s unconditional and limitless, and He demonstrates through His actions and Word that real and true love is a commitment. It isn’t based on feelings, because feelings come and go. We fall out of love as easily and quickly as we fall in love. Sadly, many romantic significant relationships begin without considering this. We go into them using feelings of attraction and affection as the springboard. Without hearing from God at all, many of us proceed to treat these relationships like marriages.

    Feelings of love are wonderful, and God created us with the capacity to express them, but He never intended feelings of love to cause us to sin or place our commitment to another human being above our commitment to Him. 1John 4:16(ESV) tells us, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” The love that is written about in this verse isn’t referring to romantic love. It’s pointing to God’s love, which is the kind of love that lasts.

    When we accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, we transferred lordship from ourselves over to him. Before we did that and accepted the salvation that he offers, many of us had heartbreak and pain in our lives. Our marriages and significant relationships fell apart, and some of us were left abandoned and emotionally exhausted. We were left with pain and heartbreak because either we, the man we loved, or the both of us, had not learned to love through Jesus Christ. The love of Christ never fails, but the love of a person who doesn’t love Christ will fail us repeatedly.

    God calls on us to abide in Him, and whoever abides in real and true love abides in God. His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, is in us, and our bodies are the Spirit’s temple. Heavenly Father commands us to let our lives be governed by His Spirit so that we walk in His love continually. Jesus Christ said in John 16:13(NLT), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” The Holy Spirit that dwells within us guides us into God’s truth. The Spirit would never guide us into situations that cause us pain or cause us to sin. Pain and sin are not the truth, they are lies and tricks of the devil.

    We have allowed society to convince us that in order to keep a man, we must let him enjoy all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. This will always lead to disappointment. Boyfriends are not husbands, and we can be with them a long time before this realization hits home. It isn’t love when we loan our bodies and hearts out to men that have no intention of committing to us in marriage. We allow them way too many privileges. They make themselves at home in our lives, but they don’t make us at home in theirs.

    The Holy Spirit will guide us into the truth, including the truth of God’s provision. If we’re not patiently enduring and trusting God to reveal the right man to us, but instead we’re jumping all in without His greenlight, we’re setting ourselves up for problems. We need to pause and examine our actions and attitudes about God’s holiness and about how we’re viewing the purpose of significant relationships. Many of us are praying to God to send us the right man, but we are still very willing to treat the next man with the same open-door policy we’ve had with men in our past.

    God wants to see us blessed, that’s why He sent His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to sacrifice his life for our sins. Through Christ, God has given us a new nature, so we can’t expect Him to overlook it when we choose to hold on to a consciousness of sin. Our Heavenly Father is not punishing us. It’s the mindset of accommodating sin that continues to block our blessing. We must open our eyes and walk in God’s wisdom, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Jesus Christ said in John 14:15(NLT), “If you love me, obey my commandments.” Understand that your commitment to love wisely is a commitment to love like Christ. To love like Christ is to be obedient to God’s Word. This is what leads us to marriage. If you doubt it, simply ask the Lord to guide you to the truth, and then be willing to accept and follow it.■

    English Standard Version (ESV)
    The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Love Wisely”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’

    The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’

    Matthew 17:20(NLT)
    “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

    In front of her friends, Ruby puts on a very confident face, insisting that her faith is fully persuaded when it comes to marriage. She’s forever claiming and confessing it whenever the subject comes up, but the reality is that she hides her frustration and sadness about the wait from others. She wants her friends to think she has the faith to move that mountain called ‘being single’, but her circumstances paint a different outcome, and she feels hopeless. Ruby really doesn’t believe the words and confessions she’s speaking. For the last seven years she’s been talking about her wedding plans, but the truth is that her hopes are slowly slipping away. God doesn’t want this to happen for her, and He doesn’t want it to happen to any of us either.

    Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. It is a totally persuaded and sold-out trust in God. One of the mistakes that we often make is to have more faith in the desire and reality of marriage than we do in the Giver of all good and perfect gifts. This was Ruby’s mindset. The possibility of marriage excites us all to no end, but we are nowhere near as excited about our Heavenly Father and all that He is.

    God is in control. That is a truth that none of us can fail to understand. Whether we’re married, dating, or single, faith is the confidence in knowing that God is in control. You are not in the driver’s seat of things, God is. Life will continually teach us this lesson. God requires us to rest in Him completely, without worry, fear, or anxiety. The level of faith to simply trust God for our lives translates to intimacy in our relationship with Him. Growing in Christ and knowing God through His Word is way beyond enough to keep us enthusiastic about our all-powerful, all-knowing Creator. Again, this enthusiasm should not be based on what we’re expecting to receive from Him, it should be anchored in the reality of who God is.

    Jesus Christ declared in Matthew 17:20 that we only need faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. By this, he is giving us an indication of how powerful faith is. A little bit of it will yield seismic results. So, when we digest this truth, we can’t help but question the strength of our own faith. For many of us, our believing and faith has not yet produced the results we seek. So, we come away feeling disappointed and insecure that the faith we’ve held has not yet been enough to move the mountain we call ‘single’. We wonder if it will ever be, and we become so dissatisfied that we don’t want to try anymore. We shouldn’t focus on that but focus on God.

    In the Old Testament, the man, Job, had endured tremendous tribulation, and he wanted to have a conversation with God about a few things. In Job 42:2(NLT), he said to God, “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” This is another piece of knowledge about our Heavenly Father that ought to be deeply imbedded in our minds and hearts. Whether it is marriage or any other thing we desire in life, God’s purpose will never be prevented. Our temper tantrums, dissatisfaction, and upsets about the wait isn’t going to do us any good. God is the One with the plan for our lives, and rather than getting depressed about the mountain not budging, we need to be about building our faith in the omnipotence, love, and goodness of our God.

    Hebrews 11:6(NIV) says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” This verse is not referring to faith in the blessings we desire. It’s talking about the kind of faith in God that increases the intimacy in our relationship with Him. Our relationship with God is built on trusting Him, regardless of our conditions and circumstances. It’s not about us getting what we want, it’s about giving God all that we are.

    It’s impossible to please our Heavenly Father without the level of faith in Him that builds intimacy. Because we haven’t exhibited it in the past, but instead have been solely focused on marriage, we haven’t pleased God to the extent that He deserves. Every believer must make a shift in their minds and hearts, so that life becomes solely about God and our relationship with Him. The closeness we share with our Creator is what pleases Him, and when this is our great desire, the increase of faith becomes a very natural occurrence, and so does God’s rewards.

    So many of us want to get married because we can’t wait to give our hearts to the man. When we meet him, guaranteed, we’re going to place our confidence in him without much effort at all. We want this so much because we desire deep connection and intimacy in the relationship with our future spouse. However, many of us haven’t surrendered ourselves to God to a level that exceeds what we’re so willing to surrender to someone else. We haven’t engaged the intimacy that God requires, but we are very willing to give it to a mere mortal.

    In all those seven years, Ruby didn’t realize that God was calling her to get closer to Him, to stay in His face by staying in His Word. She overlooked James 2:17-18(NLT), when he said, “17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.” We don’t have to tell God how to bless us. It’s always a matter of backing our faith by demonstrating the deeds and actions that honor Him. God’s plan for your life was finished before He laid the foundations of the world. You already have the mustard seed of faith. Let your deeds and commitment to God match it, and watch the mountain move out of your way. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by Permission of Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide.

    “The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • A Great Relationship Done God’s Way

    A Great Relationship Done God’s Way

    2Corinthians 6:14(ESV)
    “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

    God tells us not to bond ourselves together with those that do not believe in Him through the Lord Jesus Christ. This means we shouldn’t emotionally invest in an individual that doesn’t want to be saved by the blood of the Lamb. After being around a person a short while, we have a pretty good idea about whether they love Jesus. When it comes to significant relationships with men, we can tell if the man has the compassion and love of Christ. In our modern times, living by 2Corinthians 6:14 has been a very challenging practice for single believers. The problem is that even when we know the man isn’t interested in loving God through the Lord Jesus Christ, many of us still allow him into our hearts.

    The term, “unequally yoked”, that is used in 2Corinthians 6:14 was very easily understood in biblical days. Many terms like this were used to teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ for that very reason. Like some of the other phases in the Bible, “unequally yoked” is one that farmers used. It describes the ineffective practice of yoking a strong oxen or farm animal with a weaker one. A yoke was a frame usually placed around the heads or necks of two animals to join them together for farm work. If they were not equal in strength, the weaker one would usually prevent the completion of the task.

    People living during the periods written about in the Bible didn’t have the luxury of grocery stores and markets. Farming was not only a way of life, but it was survival for them. Unequally yoked meant delays they couldn’t afford. So, when 2Corinthians 6:14 was taught to them centuries ago, they understood the risk of being unequally yoked, and knew it was something to avoid. As it relates to people and relationships, those of us living today are not grasping just how detrimental an unequal yoke is.

    You may ask yourself, “Is being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love the Lord such a bad thing?” God says it is. He emphasizes the point that light cannot have a partnership with darkness, and righteousness cannot fellowship with unrighteousness. Some of us have learned the hard way that attempting to partner with darkness is extremely damaging to our lives.

    When Jesus Christ was in the wilderness being tested by satan, he responded to one of the temptations in Matthew 4:7(NKJV). He said, “It is written again, ‘You shall not tempt the LORD your God.’”  Yet, many born-again believers will fall for an unequally yoked temptation and try to test God by engaging in it. We know what He says in His Word, yet we place our spiritual lives in jeopardy because our desire to partner is greater than our desire to follow God’s Word.

    In an unequally yoked significant relationship, the one that lacks the love of God in their heart will pull the other one down. This compromise that we make with our faith is never worth it. We have to ask ourselves what’s at the bottom of our decision to take this risk. Is it that we’re tired of waiting and don’t think another man will approach us? Could it be that we haven’t surrendered this aspect of our lives to the wisdom and guidance of God, or is it that we really don’t believe that God will bless us with the one that He will send? Whatever the case may be, there are far too many of God’s children suffering from the consequence of this bad decision. We can avoid it, and we should.

    Regarding the inheritance and authority of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, God tells us in Ephesians 1:22(ESV) that He has “put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church.” This means that our entire lives are under the feet of Jesus Christ. The person we will date and marry is under his feet as well, and God expects us to live as though we know this. Jesus Christ is Lord! He’s Lord in every way. It’s his authority and power that should govern us and the choices we make. We can’t separate dating from Godliness. Our Heavenly Father means for us to do relationships His way, because this is the way to unity, peace, longevity, and real love. Don’t think that you can overstep God’s Word and have good results. Yield to Him, so that you’ll have a great relationship that is done His way.■

    English Standard Version (ESV)
    The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “A Great Relationship Done God’s Way”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There

    Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There

    Jesus Christ has shown us that love requires sacrifice. He left his Father’s throne of immeasurable glory and splendor to come to earth. He came on a mission from God to save humankind. Our King was born in a manger, and this demonstrates his incredible humility. At any moment during his time on earth, he could have summoned a legion of angels at his side. He said in Matthew 26:53(NIV), “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” 12 legions is 72,000 angels. They would have been by his side in less time than a blink of an eye, but he didn’t summon them. He knew that sacrificing his life was his mission and endured the cross because of his overwhelming love for every person. Jesus Christ revealed the perfect and pure love of God, who sacrificed His one and only begotten Son for us all.

    Jesus Christ has shown us the way to live through God’s love. His example is the one we must follow because he’s given us the standard of love that pleases God. It’s God’s standard of love, and it causes us to live according to God’s purpose. As women of faith, sometimes we underestimate God’s allegiance to His standards, and we have a mindset of accepting less than what God wants to give us. This is especially true in our desire for a real and lasting significant relationship.

    God commands in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is God’s standard for the way a man should love his wife. This level of devotion sets the kind of loyalty and respect that all men should have for all women. It also sets the bar for the expectation of any woman praying to be a wife. As a woman, you can’t build this kind of capacity in a man. He should have it when you meet him.

    I have a friend that was very sick with the flu. She sounded as bad as she was feeling. It was apparent she was having a rough time with it, and I was surprised to hear that she was handling things on her own. She rekindled a relationship with a male friend that she dated a while ago. Things were going well for the last few months, but her bout with the flu brought out something that was apparent to everyone but her. When I asked, she told me that her boyfriend knew how ill she was, but he didn’t come by, not even once. She said to me, “He did offer to bring me some soup, but I didn’t want to be a burden, so I told him not to bother.”

    There’s a fundamental truth that every woman must know; if you accept it, that is all you will get. Some of us expect that our love will make a man gain a greater capacity to love overnight. It simply isn’t true. Only the love of God can transform a person, and to love God is to do what He says. 1John 2:5(NLT) tells us, “But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him.” As women of faith, this must be the foundation of all that we do.

    God expects us to expand in Christ with each passing day. This means that we are loving others greater through him. In other words, our capacity to love and walk with power increases as we grow in Christ. This is God’s standard, and it is one in which we will never have to make excuses for a man that isn’t loving us the way he should. If we make a place in our hearts for a man that isn’t giving us the love we deserve—the love we are capable and willing to give him, then we’re throwing out the welcome mat for heartache and pain. When it comes to real love, don’t accept a little dab here and a little dab there.  Christ made a way for us to live through his love, and this is the way we should choose.

    Fully knowing and appreciating the sacrifice of Christ gives us the lens by which we can love and be loved. Loving and living through Jesus Christ will give us the wisdom to know that a man may not have a fancy job title or big bank account; what matters is that he has a big heart and sees loving you as one of the greatest blessings of his life. God says you deserve this. You should believe it, and never accept less. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.