Find A Christian Man

Tag: Marriage Preparation

  • What NOT to Do When the Relationship is New

    What NOT to Do When the Relationship is New

    When I was a teenager, like most kids my age, I wanted everything quick, fast, and on the double. Not only did I want my desires delivered with all due haste, this was the approach to just about everything else I did as well. I rushed through my homework, and I couldn’t wait until the hard classes were over…and my chores, forget about it! Lickety split was putting it lightly; I bulldozed through those. My grandmother would constantly tell me, “It takes time to do anything the right way!” She called my quick, half-hearted approach ‘half-doing something’, and she couldn’t stand it. I can’t count the number of times she scolded me about rushing through things and missing those important details that make all the difference. I paid no attention to those words back then, but today they are my continual motivation and the theme song of my life.

    My grandmother’s wisdom is spot on with the wisdom of God’s Word. At the end of the day, everything is going to come back to us with the same energy and effort we used to put it out there. In Luke 6:38, Jesus Christ solidifies the reality that it is more of a blessing to give than to receive. He tells us that giving equals receiving, and that the amount we give will determine the amount we get back. This is mathematics at its best. God has woven this kind of order into His extraordinary laws; it’s how the universe was created by Him to function.

    This is one of the reasons it is so important to comprehend that we are indeed spiritual beings, because everything that we do has a spiritual consequence. It only takes a few major disappointments to hit this one home. We can mess things up royally and miss great opportunities for love, success, and well-being because we’ve made a habit pattern of rushing things. We’ve all heard the saying that good things come to those who wait. This is more than just a saying. Again, with this reference, there’s some biblical wisdom involved.

    Don’t Neglect God’s Peace
    The prophet says of God in Isaiah 26:3(NLT), “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” It is no secret that the believer who trusts in God’s perfect timing will be guided by His peace. When it comes to a new relationship, the guidance of God’s peace is the only way to ensure solid footing not just for potential longevity, but for your continued spiritual well-being, regardless of how things work out.

    In a new relationship, we can’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions; both can cause major disappointments in the long run. They are sure signs that we’re allowing anxiety to call the shots, and this allows the enemy room to mess things up. Again, the absolute best approach is to let the peace of God guide all your actions.

    Don’t Be Impatient
    Romans 5:3 tells us that tribulations give us a work-out in patience and endurance. We dislike the discomfort, heartache, and pain that come from troubling situations; as well we should. They are not sent by our Heavenly Father, but they are a part of life, and we can learn from them. Tribulations, particularly those involving past relationships, hopefully teach us to be patient and to look next time before we leap; at least that’s the lesson we should have learned.

    Sisters that have been praying a while to cross paths with the right person may not be aware of their own feelings of deprivation. They may have unreasonable expectations, and these can smother a relationship in the beginning. Loving ourselves means that we will give our souls the time they need to hear from the Spirit. One of the greatest mistakes we make is to underestimate the willingness of God to help us stay on track and pace ourselves, so that we move in alignment with His divine timing. We can tell the difference between a blessing and a trick by having the patience to wait and make sure we see God at work.

    Don’t Out-pace the Relationship
    Again, when we start expecting too much too soon, we can out-pace a new relationship. It’s good to be a careful observer of yourself and make sure you don’t expect a commitment before the man is ready to make it. Being patient means that you’re willing to gauge yourself, and that you are watchful of the new person’s queues. Good practice is to mirror his actions in a way that is both caring and cautious.

    He calls or texts; then you reciprocate, but don’t do too much. And never feel pressured to compromise Godliness to keep a man. God would not present you with a situation where you had to do this. Be prayerful continually, and listen closely for the direction of the Holy Spirit.

    Peace, Patience, and Pace; honoring these will continually keep you aligned with Christ, so that you will know if the new man is a presentation from God. If he is, the Holy Spirit will continue to guide you, so that your new relationship grows. If he isn’t, you’ll have gained invaluable spiritual discernment and insight that has prepared you for the blessing that is surely on its way. ■

    “What NOT to Do When the Relationship is New”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Stand in the Uniqueness of YOU!

    Stand in the Uniqueness of YOU!

    Have your insecurities sabotaged past relationships? Are you beating yourself up constantly for your shortcomings and shortfalls? Are you confident that you won’t bring self-condemnation and self-doubt into a new relationship? These questions are important to ask ourselves because the answers will help us to deal with stuff in our hearts. Some of us are still struggling with issues that we had before we even began to pray about marriage or crossing paths with the man that is to be our husbands. These things are heart issues that we need to confront, because  Jeremiah 17:10 tells us, “But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” God looks at our hearts, and He rewards us based on what’s going on in them.

    We know that God doesn’t like arrogance, and that a prideful attitude greatly displeases Him. He loves humility, and Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 18:4 that the way to be great in God’s eyes is to humble ourselves like little children. In our effort to avoid a prideful heart, some of us go to the extreme opposite. We allow ourselves to be punching bags because we don’t value ourselves the way God intends us to.

    Heavenly Father knows that we’re going to make mistakes and missteps. He knows our proclivity to injure ourselves and sometimes injure others in the process. We all have our issues, there can be no doubt about this, but we must remember what the scripture tells us. Romans 5:8(NLT) says, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” Jesus Christ came on the scene when humanity was at its worse, and he did so because of God’s overwhelming love for us all. So, God’s love isn’t dependent on our performance, because as soon as we get one issue resolved, another one will surely pop-up. The quest to hold up the standard of Christ is never-ending in this earth experience, but we have the wonderful pleasure of waking up each day aspiring to meet it. This is what God’s love is all about. It is understanding our potential and capacity through His love, and having the commitment to aspire to be better today than we were yesterday.

    We are works in progress. As we seek God and open our hearts to Him in prayer and through His Word, Philippians 2:13 affirms that He will work in us and give us the desire and power to do the things that please Him. It’s God through Christ doing the work, not us. Our responsibility is to let Him be at work by asking Him to show us what needs to be addressed. Then we need to trust Him, as we are led and guided through the indwelling Holy Spirit to overcome and move forward.

    God also has a special work for us to do. We have a calling to fulfill, because we are a destiny people. This means that we have neither the luxury or time to look at what others or doing and what is happening in their lives, but often this is what we spend our time doing. On our jobs, we’re envious of those getting promotions. We’re trying to rush God to bring that man across our paths so we can be engaged because all our other friends are married or engaged. We’re too occupied with trying to be like everyone else, when God has called us to be unique.

    We may not be a social butterfly. People in a room may not light up when we enter it. Some of us have a quiet spirit, and we’re compassionate and tender in a way that is very special to God, but may not be to others. Our responsibility is to stand in the uniqueness of what we are, and what we’ve been given; because God has a purpose for it. No one can do YOU the way that you can.

    Ecclesiastes 6: 10 (NLT) says, “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.” Your destiny is revealed moment by moment as you embrace the reality that you are wonderfully and masterfully made. You’re God’s masterpiece. There will never be another you!

    We must remember at all times that the love of God is the benchmark for our every endeavor, especially when it comes to marriage. This isn’t just the love of which we invest in others. It includes the love we have for ourselves. Self-love is the appreciation we cultivate for our own uniqueness as it is used in service to others through God’s love. It is an understanding that we are ever growing and developing into the very best version of ourselves. We may not be there yet, but if we continue to trust God, we’ll get there. Our confidence in this very truth causes us to stand in the reality of our Christ-identity, and this is the person our future spouses deserve to meet. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    FindingChristianman.com copyright © 2017. All rights reserved. All done for the glory of God in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord!