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  • Before Your Vineyard of Love is Ruined

    Before Your Vineyard of Love is Ruined

    In Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT), we read, “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” In this verse, “foxes” are used metaphorically. Foxes were known to be destructive to vineyards, and during Old Testament times, their presence was considered a threat to the crops. Similarly, in the context of this poem, “little foxes” symbolize small issues or problems that can threaten the health and beauty of a relationship. Just as foxes can destroy a vineyard, small issues or misunderstandings can harm a relationship if they are not addressed promptly.

    In marriage, it’s easy to take the things we’ve grown accustomed to for granted over time. So, how do we truly value and honor our partners? Reflect on the last time you genuinely expressed appreciation. When was the last time you said “thank you” or let your partner know how much you value them? When they share good news, like getting a great review at work, do you take a moment to congratulate them and celebrate their success?

    Think about the everyday things, too. Do you make an effort to cook regularly, or to keep the place tidy? These small actions might seem routine, but they carry significant weight. They show that you’re committed to nurturing your relationship and supporting your spouse. Little things like expressing gratitude, celebrating achievements, and sharing household responsibilities all add up to a stronger, more loving bond.

    These seemingly minor gestures play a crucial role in maintaining the health and happiness of your relationship. They reflect a deeper respect and appreciation that make a big difference in the long run.

    Philippians 2:3-5 (NLT) tells us, “3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” In marriage, these verses provide essential guidance on how to cultivate a strong and loving relationship. By embracing humility and prioritizing our spouse’s needs and feelings above our own, we reflect the selfless love that Christ exemplified. This involves actively listening to each other, respecting one another’s feelings, and being willing to make sacrifices.

    When both partners commit to these principles, it creates a supportive and caring environment where both individuals feel valued. Embracing this attitude not only strengthens the relationship but also reflects the selfless love that Jesus Christ demonstrated, prioritizing his example in our marriages.

    Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) tells us, “4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” This means that marriage should be respected and valued and staying loyal and committed to our spouses is crucial for a happy and healthy relationship.

    In a marriage, it’s important to guard against the small issues or conflicts that can damage our love, often referred to as “little foxes” in the vineyard of our relationship. Even when it feels like our spouse isn’t fully engaged or giving their best, we must make the right choices and follow Christ’s example of love and faithfulness. By doing so, we nurture our relationship and keep it strong, as we strive to reflect the selfless and enduring love that God desires for us all. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Before Your Vineyard of Love is Ruined”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Most Important Step to Godly Marriage

    The Most Important Step to Godly Marriage

    What You Honor Now Shapes What You Can Sustain Later

    In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NLT), God’s Word teaches us a profound truth: “19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” Despite society’s attempts to downplay this truth, it remains pivotal in shaping our understanding of personal worth and responsibility before God. Sadly, even within the believing community, there are those who have embraced societal norms over God’s standards. However, there are also those who steadfastly uphold and honor this biblical principle.

    Many single believers today are earnestly seeking marriage and have committed to abstinence, but in a culture where premarital intimacy is normalized, they find themselves challenged as they uphold God’s standards. Choosing to honor Him in this area often invites criticism, but we should never be swayed by this.

    Allegiance to God’s standard

    Scripture provides clear guidance on living distinctively as followers of Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:17 (NIV), God calls believers to maintain separation from worldly influences, emphasizing the importance of purity and obedience to His standards: “Therefore, ‘Come out from them and be separate,’ says the Lord. ‘Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.’” This directive from our Heavenly Father emphasizes the call to live in a manner that honors God’s holiness and reflects our identity as His children.

    Similarly, Romans 12:2 exhorts us not to conform to the patterns of this world but to undergo a transformation through the renewal of our minds, enabling us to discern and live according to God’s good and perfect will. This transformation is essential for living a life that is pleasing to God. Many people think of abstinence as an extreme sacrifice they are unwilling to make. In truth, it is the privilege of obedience that allows us to demonstrate our love for God and unwavering commitment to live by faith.

    Embracing Purity and Purpose

    Sexual purity isn’t just about following rules—it deeply affects our spiritual health and how we honor God. As 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) bluntly puts it, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” This verse shows how sexual choices can seriously impact us physically and spiritually. We must be careful in this area.

    In today’s world, some might say that staying abstinent is old-fashioned or not practical. But believers should know that our main focus isn’t about fitting in with society—it’s about pleasing God. Hebrews 12:1 (NIV) encourages us to “strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.” This verse reminds us to get rid of anything that hinders our relationship with God, including temptations that pull us away from His plan for purity.

    The decision to uphold God’s standards often means facing worldly pressures. It’s a choice between pleasing others or honoring God. While society may prioritize physical desires, our Heavenly Father desires our purity and offers His Spirit to guide us through temptations.

    Again, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and honoring God with our bodies leads to His blessings, including His guidance in relationships. He wants us to have a God-honoring marriage, and if we seek His wisdom earnestly, He will guide us away from sexual sin and into the beautiful marital union we desire. We must be clear that abstinence isn’t about legalism—it’s about aligning our lives with God’s Will. Abstinence is the most important step we can take towards a Godly marriage. It’s a way to honor Him and protect our own well-being, ensuring we can walk in His blessings and purpose for our lives.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Most Important Step to Godly Marriage”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Now is Not the Time to Be Comfortable

    Now is Not the Time to Be Comfortable

    Comfort Can Cost You What You Didn’t Realize Was at Risk

    One day, sitting at a red light, I watched a woman walk straight through a busy intersection—completely absorbed in her phone. Cars were moving, people were watching, but she was unaware. And in that moment, it hit me—distraction doesn’t always feel dangerous until it is. That’s how it happens spiritually too. We don’t always drift because we’re rebellious; sometimes we drift because we’ve grown comfortable. We let our guard down in places that actually require awareness, and over time, what once felt small becomes the very thing that leaves us exposed.

    Revelation 3:2–3 (NLT) gives a direct wake-up call: “Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead… Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.” This isn’t gentle language—it’s urgent. Because spiritual complacency doesn’t just pause growth, it weakens what was once alive. And if we’re honest, some of us are moving through life with our eyes open, but spiritually we’ve gone quiet. When it comes to the things of God, we’re passive, unguarded, and unaware of how much our spiritual strength matters.

    Scripture makes it plain—there’s no neutral ground here. You’re either aligned with God or you’re drifting, but there’s no safe middle to hide in. 1 Peter 5:8 (NLT) tells us, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” That means we don’t get to coast. We don’t get to move through life half-aware, especially when it comes to the areas that matter most. We stay grounded by remaining in God’s Word, by praying consistently, and by seeking His direction before we move—not after we’ve already stepped into something we didn’t fully discern.

    And this matters deeply when it comes to relationships. As single women, it’s easy to fall into patterns that feel normal but quietly leave us unguarded—entertaining attention too quickly, opening up too soon, or allowing emotions to lead before God has spoken. But your heart is not something to casually place in someone’s hands. The enemy often targets this area first, because if he can disrupt your discernment, he can influence your direction. This is why we can’t afford to move impulsively. We don’t dive in—we seek God first, allowing Him to lead us with clarity instead of trying to sort things out after we’re already emotionally involved.

    Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) reminds us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” That includes your relationships. God is not silent about who you connect with—He is intentional. He leads, He warns, and He confirms. But we have to stay in position to hear Him. Comfort can make you careless if you’re not paying attention, and this is not the time for that. We are living in times that require spiritual awareness, not emotional impulse. You can’t afford to walk blindly into something that looks good but isn’t aligned.

    Take your time. Pay attention. Watch for fruit. And most importantly, stay connected to God every step of the way. Pray before you open your heart. Seek Him before you say yes. Don’t ignore what the Holy Spirit is showing you just because something feels good. Peace doesn’t come from rushing—it comes from alignment. And when you stay aligned with God, you don’t have to strive to figure everything out. He will lead you, guard you, and guide you into what is truly right for your life.

    Now is not the time to be comfortable. It’s the time to be aware, anchored, and led. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Now Is Not the Time to Be Comfortable”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Fullness of Marriage

    The Fullness of Marriage

    Ephesians 5:33(NLT)
    “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

    Marriage is so meaningful to us because God has made it all about His love. Through spouses, God provides for us. He takes care of our hearts and the need we have for companionship. Genesis 2:18(NLT) tells us, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” We cannot neglect or ignore the reality that it was God who said that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. It was His Will to make companionship necessary for the well-being of humanity. Eve, the first woman, was not an afterthought. God did not suddenly decide that her being was necessary. Both man and woman—male and female were always His plan. Even before He established the foundation of the world, He knew that He wanted a family, and He knew that through their union, Adam and Eve would produce that family. So, we must always remember that marriage is the institution God ordained to preserve the holiness and the sanctity of the oneness between men and women.

    Question 1

    Understanding that marriage is God’s institution and that it fulfills His purpose in the earth should prompt us to ask if we are desiring to get married for the right reasons. The wrong reasons to want to get married all have their root in selfishness. There can be no doubt in our minds that question 1, (if we’re marrying for the right reasons) will require us to be brutally honest, and this brutal honesty will press us to look at our past handling of relationships with men.

    Many of us have been guilty of promiscuous behavior. We gave our bodies to men that were not our husbands, and some of us did it on the regular. Our Heavenly Father is not in heaven holding this against us, but if we have not repented and sought God’s forgiveness, the enemy is blocking us from moving forward.

    We were selfish in our sinful behavior. We were seeking our own agendas of holding on to the man and satisfying our own fleshly pleasures. Running from this truth will only continue to hold us back. As women of faith who have a heart to share the fullness of marriage with the man God has ordained for that purpose, we must hear what God is saying to us. His Son had to die in order to cleanse our sins by his blood, and we cannot continue to dishonor God. We can’t repeatedly do the things that displease Him and expect to be rewarded. In the Book of Revelation, in his letters to the churches, Jesus Christ would end them by saying that anyone with ears must listen and understand what the Spirit is saying. He is telling us we must open our ears and hear the truth.

    Question 2
    Are you spiritually, emotionally, and mentally mature enough for marriage? If so, how do you know? There’s a saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.” This saying holds tremendous wisdom. When we are ready to hear the truth, we will open our ears, and someone will speak the truth to us. By the same token, when we are spiritually, emotionally, and mentally mature enough to handle marriage, the spouse will show up.

    For many of us, this is a tough pill to swallow because all of us think we’re ready. We think we haven’t met the spouse because God isn’t cooperating with our desires. That simply isn’t true. God’s creative perfection and laws were woven in the universe long before any of us came on the scene. He has designed things in such a way that when our faith is in the right place spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, manifestation does its thing! God doesn’t miss, we do. So, if the reality is that we’re not yet ready to handle the fullness of marriage, it’s time to increase our faith in God and pray that He will help us to prepare. He will do a work within us through His Holy Spirit, but we must be willing and ready to hear and accept the truth.

    Question 3

    Marriage is not always romantic. Are you expecting it to be? Marriage can be the hardest work we’ve ever encountered, and if we are not prepared to faith our way through some of the challenges, we might see divorce as an easy out. God wants marriage to be permanent. Some of us can’t imagine being sold-out in our commitment to honor God, and because of this, we can’t imagine a lifetime of being committed to His institution of marriage. We must be confident that there’s no problem we will face that cannot be solved by the Lord Jesus Christ, and we must understand that God expects marriage to be a lifetime commitment.

    In the beginning of a marriage, there might be an adjustment period, and there might also be problems and disagreements. Two people coming together can be difficult at first because none of us are perfect. God made some differences between men and women standard with our packaging. In some cases, we’ll need to stretch in every area to understand one another, and as we do, we will grow in the love of Christ which deepens and holds our union together.

    1Peter 4:8(ESV) says, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” Some men will demand a certain kind of respect from their wives before anything else, but their definition of respect is sometimes a little different from God’s. God’s definition of respect is steeped in love, understanding, and compassion. On the other side, some women want to be showered with gifts and pampered when they haven’t done much of anything to deserve those things. We need to understand that marriage is a cycle of both giving and receiving. The bottom line is that both need to adjust their expectations when it comes to the other. Both spouses need to understand that marriage can be as beautiful and fulfilling as God ordained it to be. It’s full, loving, and robust, but it is always going to be our responsibility to make and keep it that way.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Fullness of Marriage”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Squeezing Fear Out of Your Relationship

    Squeezing Fear Out of Your Relationship

    Just about every Christian has heard the record regarding Job in the Old Testament. Depending on each individual, his story is impactful for different reasons; and those reasons change as we reread the Book of Job. Each time our appreciation for this account deepens and we find the jewel of another life lesson. For some, Job’s patience is the thing that stands out most. For others, it might be his allegiance to God. One of the things that I find most valuable is the lesson about Job’s fear, and how it opened the door for the enemy to reap havoc in his life. In Job 3:25, he said, “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true.”

    Again, this verse hit home for me as I comforted a friend recently that is struggling in her finances. Her husband walked out on her and their kids a few years ago, because he had never gotten over his first wife. My friend said she knew this in her heart, but she loved him so much and wanted desperately to be married. She said to me, “I’ve buried my face in the sand and let my fears run my life!” That’s a very transparent realization. It’s the kind that can lead to real healing from the Master.

    There were red flags in this woman’s relationship way before she got married, but she ignored them because of the fear of being alone. As women, we do this all the time – we overlook what is so apparent to us for the sake of being loved. We forget that God desires to anchor His daughters so deep in His love that their cups are overflowing in it. He wants us to be overwhelmingly fulfilled, much more than we could ever imagine, but when He sees that we are making decisions that are not in our best interest, He will absolutely allow us to make them. This is one of the things that the account of Job demonstrates for us.

    Job’s children were an unruly lot, and he was so afraid that they had done something against the Will of God, that he constantly offered sacrifices on their behalf. Job 1:5 (NLT) tells us, “When these celebrations ended—sometimes after several days—Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, “Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular practice.””  His mind-and-heart-set was one of fear instead of an understanding of what it means to have faith in God. Faith is how we demonstrate gratitude and love towards Heavenly Father; without it, our relationship with Him lacks intimacy. As sisters in the Lord, we sometimes make the mistake of looking for this intimacy in our relationship with men before we have established it with Heavenly Father. This is out of order, because Jesus Christ has schooled us that God must be sought first. He’s priority number one. So any time we step outside this alignment, we’re going to compromise our relationship with Heavenly Father, and we’re going to reap the consequence of wrong actions and bad choices.

    Sisters in the Lord, our desire to partner comes already baked in our makeup. It is important to acknowledge this so that we are confident that God would never withhold the blessing of marriage from us. The issue is never about punishment or withholding the blessing, so as intelligent, spiritual thinkers, we must deduce that the issue is something else. Our problem is that we will not be as transparent about our fear as we need to be. We will not recognize that we’re settling for something that isn’t God’s best because we are fearful of loneliness or lack. Whenever fear drives our decisions, we’re in disobedience to the Will and Word of God.

    Before we reach the juncture of poor decisions and wrong choices, God warned us. If we take the time to reflect, we’ll remember those instances when He sent someone across our paths to slow us down a bit. Maybe it was a Word that we heard at Sunday service, or a word of wisdom spoken to you. Perhaps you asked your close friend whether you should continue dating the man you love, and her answer was one you didn’t like. There are many ways in which the indwelling Holy Spirit nudges us to choose better, but we ignore them for the sake of having a warm body next to us.

    The easy way out is to suppress what you fear the most in hopes that if you don’t pay it any attention, it will simply go away. But the truth is that un-resolved fear will continue to show up and manifest in other areas and relationships. Like Job, we have to face it! Facing it is the only way to squeeze it out of our relationships. You and I don’t know what this looks like entirely, if we did, we would have surrendered it to God through Jesus Christ a long time ago. It is a situation that requires us to let go and let God. This means that we first repent, recognizing that we, if even on a subconscious level, have allowed our relationship with God to slip to second. Then, we need to be willing to invest whatever it takes to shift our every focus on Heavenly Father. When we do this, we put the squeeze on fear, and allow the Holy Spirit the room to heal us and repair our relationships as well.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Squeezing Fear Out of Your Relationship”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!