Squeezing Fear Out of Your Relationship

Just about every Christian has heard the record regarding Job in the Old Testament. Depending on each individual, his story is impactful for different reasons; and those reasons change as we reread the Book of Job. Each time our appreciation for this account deepens and we find the jewel of another life lesson. For some, Job’s patience is the thing that stands out most. For others, it might be his allegiance to God. One of the things that I find most valuable is the lesson about Job’s fear, and how it opened the door for the enemy to reap havoc in his life. In Job 3:25, he said, “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true.”

Again, this verse hit home for me as I comforted a friend recently that is struggling in her finances. Her husband walked out on her and their kids a few years ago, because he had never gotten over his first wife. My friend said she knew this in her heart, but she loved him so much and wanted desperately to be married. She said to me, “I’ve buried my face in the sand and let my fears run my life!” That’s a very transparent realization. It’s the kind that can lead to real healing from the Master.

There were red flags in this woman’s relationship way before she got married, but she ignored them because of the fear of being alone. As women, we do this all the time – we overlook what is so apparent to us for the sake of being loved. We forget that God desires to anchor His daughters so deep in His love that their cups are overflowing in it. He wants us to be overwhelmingly fulfilled, much more than we could ever imagine, but when He sees that we are making decisions that are not in our best interest, He will absolutely allow us to make them. This is one of the things that the account of Job demonstrates for us.

Job’s children were an unruly lot, and he was so afraid that they had done something against the Will of God, that he constantly offered sacrifices on their behalf. Job 1:5 (NLT) tells us, “When these celebrations ended—sometimes after several days—Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, “Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular practice.””  His mind-and-heart-set was one of fear instead of an understanding of what it means to have faith in God. Faith is how we demonstrate gratitude and love towards Heavenly Father; without it, our relationship with Him lacks intimacy. As sisters in the Lord, we sometimes make the mistake of looking for this intimacy in our relationship with men before we have established it with Heavenly Father. This is out of order, because Jesus Christ has schooled us that God must be sought first. He’s priority number one. So any time we step outside this alignment, we’re going to compromise our relationship with Heavenly Father, and we’re going to reap the consequence of wrong actions and bad choices.

Sisters in the Lord, our desire to partner comes already baked in our makeup. It is important to acknowledge this so that we are confident that God would never withhold the blessing of marriage from us. The issue is never about punishment or withholding the blessing, so as intelligent, spiritual thinkers, we must deduce that the issue is something else. Our problem is that we will not be as transparent about our fear as we need to be. We will not recognize that we’re settling for something that isn’t God’s best because we are fearful of loneliness or lack. Whenever fear drives our decisions, we’re in disobedience to the Will and Word of God.

Before we reach the juncture of poor decisions and wrong choices, God warned us. If we take the time to reflect, we’ll remember those instances when He sent someone across our paths to slow us down a bit. Maybe it was a Word that we heard at Sunday service, or a word of wisdom spoken to you. Perhaps you asked your close friend whether you should continue dating the man you love, and her answer was one you didn’t like. There are many ways in which the indwelling Holy Spirit nudges us to choose better, but we ignore them for the sake of having a warm body next to us.

The easy way out is to suppress what you fear the most in hopes that if you don’t pay it any attention, it will simply go away. But the truth is that un-resolved fear will continue to show up and manifest in other areas and relationships. Like Job, we have to face it! Facing it is the only way to squeeze it out of our relationships. You and I don’t know what this looks like entirely, if we did, we would have surrendered it to God through Jesus Christ a long time ago. It is a situation that requires us to let go and let God. This means that we first repent, recognizing that we, if even on a subconscious level, have allowed our relationship with God to slip to second. Then, we need to be willing to invest whatever it takes to shift our every focus on Heavenly Father. When we do this, we put the squeeze on fear, and allow the Holy Spirit the room to heal us and repair our relationships as well.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Squeezing Fear Out of Your Relationship”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!


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