GOOD RELATIONSHIPS DON’T MAINTAIN THEMSELVES

Healthy Relationships Have to Be Built

Strong relationships rarely happen by accident. They require time, honesty, consistency, and a willingness to work through the moments when loving one another isn’t particularly easy. It is one thing to enjoy someone when everything is going well. It is another thing to learn how to communicate when you disagree, apologize when you’ve been wrong, forgive when you’ve been hurt, and keep showing up when life gets complicated.

We also have to learn how to make room for people to be different from us. Every disagreement doesn’t have to become an argument, and every difference doesn’t have to threaten the relationship. Sometimes maturity means listening long enough to understand why another person sees something differently. We can disagree and still be respectful. We can tell someone how we feel without tearing them down. And we can address a problem without turning the other person into the problem.

Healthy relationships also need reciprocity. That doesn’t mean everybody gives exactly the same thing at exactly the same time. There will be seasons when one person needs more support than the other. But over time, there should be evidence that both people value the relationship and are willing to invest in it. One person cannot continually do all the calling, forgiving, understanding, helping, apologizing, and trying to hold everything together.

What Helps Relationships Grow

• Respect one another. Familiarity should never become an excuse for disrespect.
• Listen before reacting. Sometimes we respond to what we thought someone meant instead of what they actually said.
• Keep your word. Trust is strengthened when people learn that they can depend on what we say.
• Address problems instead of collecting offenses. Unspoken resentment has a way of showing up eventually.
• Be willing to apologize. “I was wrong” can do more for a relationship than a hundred explanations.
• Celebrate one another. We should be able to rejoice when something good happens for someone we love.
• Make room for differences. People don’t have to think, respond, or do everything exactly the way we do.
• Pray for the people you love. Some things in a relationship need more than another conversation. They need God.

WHAT THE LOVE OF CHRIST LOOKS LIKE IN REAL LIFE

Love Doesn’t Mean Avoiding Every Difficult Conversation

One of the harder parts of loving people is knowing when something needs to be said. We can convince ourselves that we’re keeping the peace when what we’re really doing is avoiding an uncomfortable conversation. But problems don’t usually disappear because we refuse to talk about them. Sometimes love requires enough courage to sit down with someone we care about and tell the truth.

Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) tells us that we are to “speak the truth in love.” Those last two words matter. Truth should never become permission to be cruel, condescending, or careless with someone’s feelings. We can say something that is completely true and still say it in a way that wounds unnecessarily. Before we speak, it helps to ask ourselves why we’re saying it. Are we trying to help, restore, protect, and bring understanding—or are we angry and looking for an opportunity to unload?

There are also times when love means telling someone something they may not want to hear. Someone we love may be making a harmful decision, treating us poorly, or heading in a direction that concerns us. We cannot control what another person chooses to do, but we can lovingly tell them the truth and allow them to decide what they will do with it. Speaking the truth in love means caring enough to be honest without believing that honesty gives us the right to control the outcome.

The goal of speaking the truth in love isn’t to win the conversation. It’s to handle the truth in a way that still reflects Jesus Christ.