Don’t Let Anger Control You

Unresolved Anger Can Do More Damage Than We Realize

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)
“And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Grace and her sister have had a contentious relationship since they were young. Fighting weekly was the norm for them. Their parents saw it as sibling rivalry and did nothing to help them learn how to get along. Now that they’re adults, nothing has changed. Holidays, birthday celebrations, weddings, dinners with their parents—no matter the occasion, because of their deep-seated anger, these two sisters ignore each other and hardly ever speak.

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, disapproval, or hostility, and it is a mistake to think that once the situation that caused us to become angry is over, the anger will automatically go away. Sometimes it doesn’t. Instead, it remains in our souls and increases its grip on us in the background. For many of us, anger becomes the go-to emotion we use to cover pain, disappointment, rejection, or hurt. We convince ourselves that holding on to resentment or a grudge is easier than forgiving, but it never is. Grace and her sister took that approach. They never learned to address their anger through the love of Jesus Christ, and because they didn’t, unresolved anger was allowed to rob them of years of relationship.

We Can Learn Anger Without Realizing It

As we look back over our childhoods, some of us might remember that there were angry people within our everyday environment. Maybe they used profanity, yelled when they were upset, gave people the silent treatment, or didn’t have a whole lot of compassion for the feelings and well-being of others. When we grow up around these kinds of behaviors, we can pick them up without giving it much thought. Before we know it, we are carrying those same patterns into our words, attitudes, and manner of dealing with the relationships that are dearest to us.

My nephew told me about a Christian woman who is a notoriously good baker. One Saturday, he went to a bake sale where she was selling her homemade cookies. The place was packed. People were getting antsy, and the baker was feeling pressured. They had been waiting in line for her cookies, and when it looked as though they would soon be sold out, things got a little disorderly. People began yelling out their orders rather than waiting their turn. My nephew noticed that the baker’s son had become agitated by everything, and when he yanked on her apron to get her attention, she spoke to him in a manner that was harsh, angry, and profane.

Many of us have seen mothers do this in public and not thought much about it, but we should think about what it does to a child’s heart. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) tells us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” The habit patterns of anger can be very easily passed on to us, but once we recognize them, we have a responsibility before God to deal with them. We cannot continue hurting people and excuse it by saying, “That’s just the way I am,” or “That’s how people in my family communicate.” Jesus Christ has given us a new way to live. Through Him, we can learn to respond differently, even if anger and harsh words were all we saw growing up.

Anger Cannot Be Allowed to Lead Us

Proverbs 14:12 (NLT) says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” We can convince ourselves that our anger is justified and that holding on to it protects us from being hurt again. We may even believe that because someone treated us badly, we have a right to remain angry with them. God sees what we cannot see. He knows what anger is doing inside our hearts, and He knows where it will eventually lead if we continue to feed it. This is why we must trust His leadership and guidance. There will always be situations and people that test us, but allowing anger to control our response will only make matters worse.

Proverbs 14:17 (NLT) tells us, “Short-tempered people do foolish things.” Many of us have witnessed this firsthand, and if we’re truthful, some of us have experienced it ourselves. We can say things in anger that we would never say with a clear mind. We can make decisions that damage relationships, and after the anger has passed, we are left trying to repair what happened while it was in control. Other people may appear very calm and non-reactionary, but underneath that exterior is anger that seeps out at the most unexpected times. They are angry but have learned how to cover it with a smile. This isn’t what God wants for us either. He doesn’t want us pretending the anger isn’t there. He wants us to deal with it through His Word, His love, and the self-control He has given us through the Holy Spirit.

Don’t Let Anger Become Dominant or Dormant

Anger should be neither dominant nor dormant in the heart of a believer. We shouldn’t allow it to control us, but we shouldn’t bury it and pretend it doesn’t exist either. Anger will eventually find a way to show itself. This is one of the reasons Ephesians 4:26-27 warns us not to allow anger to linger. When we continually rehearse what someone did, keep reopening the offense in our minds, and refuse to release it to God, we give anger room to settle into our hearts.

This doesn’t mean that feeling angry is always sinful. Sometimes we are angry because something genuinely hurt us. Someone may have mistreated us, betrayed our trust, crossed a boundary, or behaved in a way that was wrong. God is not asking us to pretend those things didn’t happen. He is telling us not to let anger take control of what happens next. We can address what happened, establish boundaries when they are necessary, and make wise decisions about a relationship without allowing bitterness and rage to rule our hearts.

Psalm 4:4 (NLT) commands, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” Sometimes one of the wisest things we can do when we are angry is give ourselves enough time to become quiet before God. Everything does not require an immediate response. We don’t have to send the text, make the phone call, confront the person, or say the first thing that comes to our minds. We can pray. We can ask God to help us see the situation clearly and show us how to respond in a way that honors Him.

We Don’t Have to Give Anger Another Year

Think again about Grace and her sister. Years have passed, and the anger that began when they were young has followed them into adulthood. Think about everything that has happened during those years—the birthdays, holidays, family dinners, ordinary conversations, laughter, support, and opportunities to simply enjoy being sisters. Unresolved anger has taken up space that love could have occupied.

We don’t know how much time we have with the people God has placed in our lives, and we cannot afford to give anger years that God never intended it to have. This does not mean every relationship can or should return to what it once was. Some relationships require boundaries, trust may need to be rebuilt, and there are situations where wisdom requires distance. But we do not have to remain angry in order to protect ourselves or exercise wisdom.

Proverbs 14:22 (NLT) says, “If you plan to do good, you will receive unfailing love and faithfulness.” We can make up our minds that anger will not be the thing that controls how we love, speak, forgive, or respond to people. Jesus Christ has given us something greater to put in its place. As we surrender our anger to Him and allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts, we can grow in patience, self-control, forgiveness, and wisdom. We can deal with what hurt us without becoming consumed by it, and we can refuse to allow yesterday’s anger to determine how we love people today. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Let Anger Control You”, written by Alex for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.