Find A Christian Man

Tag: Relationship Advice for Believers

The Gift God Has for You

1John 4:7-8 (NIV)
“7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

When God’s love is anchored within us, we have an abundant resource to draw from. This makes all the difference in all our relationships, but especially so in our significant relationships with men. The Big Story of Life is God’s love. The introduction is that God loves us and wants to be with us. The main storyline is that He has made a way for this to happen through Jesus Christ, who is the central character and subject of life from the beginning to the end. It is important we recognize that nothing moves us forward with any great degree without beginning every action with the knowledge of God’s love and the motivation to move in, with, by, and through it.

Adam and Eve lost access to God. They showed us the tragedy that occurs when we choose something over our love for our Heavenly Father. They were disconnected from Him and His holiness when they sinned against His Word. This was catastrophic for humanity on every level, but God did not leave us in this trouble state. He had a plan of redemption long before Adam and Eve came on the scene, and through His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, He saved us from sin and death. God is our Redeemer, Rescuer, Refuge, and Rewarder. He laid it all on the line to save us, and He did this because He wants to be with us, and He wants us to love through Him.

Jesus Christ has given us direct access to our Heavenly Father. Jesus died for the sins of the world, and God accepted his death on the cross as a sacrifice for all our sin. Jesus was innocent, and he died the most agonizing, brutal, and horrific death in order to restore our friendship with God. Romans 5:10-11(NLT) says, “10 For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. 11 So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.” This is an amazing passage! It ties together our rejoicing over our redemption to the kind of gratitude we should have in our relationship with God. This joy we should have over our friendship with God should shape and mold our days before they even begin.

The reality we’re now facing is that many single women are not living with joy, and they are not rejoicing about what it means to be friends with God. They are not intentional about their gratitude for the price God paid through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and in their hearts, there’s little trace of the depth, width, and breadth of love we should have for our Heavenly Father. Jesus Christ set us free from sin and shame. He died in our place, and paid the penalty required for all our wrongdoing, but many of our actions convey we lack both the enthusiasm and thankfulness for all God has done. Our prayers must shift so that this, more than any other thing, is the priority in our prayer-lives.

Through Jesus Christ, God has placed His Spirit within us. In the Old Testament, in Ezekiel 36:26(NLT), God prophesied through His prophet, “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Because of the finished work of Jesus Christ, this is the kind of heart that we can have. By becoming born-again and accepting the gift of salvation that Christ offers, we receive God’s Spirit, the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ said in John 16:13 that the Spirit will guide us into all truth. He will tell us what he hears from Jesus Christ, and he will tell us about the future. Philippians 2:13 declares that the Spirit will work in us and give us the desire to do what pleases God.

So, we don’t have any excuses. God has made it possible for us to have the kind of heart He is looking for. He has given us the capacity to love Him in a way that delights Him, but as women, some of us are not interested in doing this. Jesus Christ is the gift that God has given to the world, and a whole life’s worth of thank-yous wouldn’t equal the gratitude we should express. We are just way too concerned with delighting in a man, and we’ve placed delighting in God in the back seat. That won’t do. We must pray that the Spirit will help us to change this.

The Spirit is the One who does all the Work, and God simply commands us to let him. We do this through prayer, meditation, and studying God’s Word. Our prayers should be more about our relationship with God than any other thing. We should desire Him so supremely that our entire being is a love song dedicated to His glory.

The gift that God has for us is received only when we acknowledge that the greatest gift we could receive has already been given. Everything we receive after salvation is a reward from honoring God with gratitude and obedience for the sacrifice of Christ. The love that was demonstrated towards us by God must be deep in our hearts. It must create a well in us that is overflowing to such a degree that our spouses are drenched in it. We must understand that we cannot be a wife ordained by God without understanding that the sacrifice Christ made is pure love. To be prepared for marriage, we must be a different kind of woman. We must understand that love indeed means sacrifice, and only then can we love our husbands with the same commitment and depth of love that Christ has for us. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Gift God Has for You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 22, 2023
Trying to Get the Man to Change

Free-Will is a gift of God that we must become intimately familiar with in our significant relationships. Many women are praying that God will change a man for them, that He will overstep a man’s thought patterns and ways of behaving without the man’s consent. This will never happen. There are pieces of information that we must know so that we remain grounded in wisdom. These will keep our expectations in check when it comes to the significant relationship in our lives. The first is that God will only send you a man that knows Him. This man doesn’t have to be super knowledgeable of the Bible, and he may not be religious, but he knows the reality of God’s sovereignty and righteousness. He desires to do right because he wants to honor God and honor himself. If he doesn’t honor himself, he will not honor you. Secondly, a man must desire to change. He must see the value in it by recognizing the harm that a failure to change will cause. Lastly, a man must love you enough that if something he is doing, thinking, or feeling is causing you distress, he will choose to change.

Romans 12:2(NLT) says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” In this verse, God tells us exactly what we should not do, and exactly what we should do. We should not copy the behaviors and customs of society or the world, because those are contrary to the Word and Will of God. Instead, He directs us to allow Him to transform us, and we give Him permission to do this when we change the way we think.

God is telling us what to do here, but He will not force us to do it. He has given us free-will, and we have the great privilege to follow what He says. We decide whether we will change the way we think and receive the reward of His blessings. The choice to renew our minds to God’s truth is ours to make. Whether we choose to accept it or not, the reality is that: #1 God only sends a woman a man that respects His sovereignty and righteousness, #2 the desire to change according to what is right is a person’s free-will choice, and #3 truly loving someone will motivate a person to change. These are true for all human beings, both men and women. However, as women, we must be especially attentive to remind ourselves of these jewels of wisdom so that we do not punish ourselves continually with wrong actions, bad decisions, and false expectations.

Often, we expect an unattainable outcome in a significant relationship because our expectations are outside the boundaries of right believing. Some of us get into relationships with men that might have peripheral qualities we’re attracted to, but after some time is spent in their company, we find that they are far from being a match for our level of spiritual, emotional, and mental maturity. We may not articulate this, but when we pull back the layers, it’s the reality we must face. Even when there are many good qualities that we appreciate in the man we’re involved with; he can still have non-dominant negative behaviors that sneak out at the most irritating and inappropriate times. These are not insignificant and can ultimately ruin a relationship if we’re not walking in faith.

There’s a place in every woman
Amos 3:3(NKJV) asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” This agreement between two individuals that intend to commit to one another is one that is more than verbal. As it relates to marriage, it is a spiritual agreement that is made at the deepest level. Some of us are praying for the man we’re involved with to change. If after many arguments and disagreements, he does not seem to alter his behavior, we’re at our wits end. We’re not being heard, valued, and respected in the way we feel we deserve. It makes us feel helpless in the relationship because the agreement that two committed individuals should have with one another is not working both ways.

Within every woman, God has created a place at her very core, and her destiny partner is a man that will respond to that place within her. It’s a deep place that we may not be aware of and we cannot define, but we will know definitively when that place has made contact with the right man. We must trust with every fiber of our being that there is something about the right man’s manhood that will come into agreement with that place in order for us to have confidence in his fidelity, loyalty, and commitment. Many of us try to force this with the wrong man, but that is an unfruitful move on our parts. It will not yield the results we seek, and history has taught us this.

Many of us choose a man, give ourselves to him, and make future plans for marriage with him when his manhood has not connected with the very core of us. Often, this is why we are exasperated, because we are expecting something he cannot give. We lose so much stamina and momentum on this journey of life when we do this.

You must be led by God
We cannot make a man change. No words of a mere human have caused another human being to truly change. Only God and His Word can do this. He has commanded us to seek His Will in all that we do. We need to hear from Heavenly Father that His blessing is upon our relationships. We can never get ahead of God, and if we do this, we must seek the Lord’s forgiveness and ask for His help and wisdom.

It isn’t God’s Will that we are involved in relationships that are rollercoasters of ups and downs. We must be spiritually prepared for significant relationships because the wrong one can mess us up. We must be sharp in recognizing the Spirit’s directives, and we should have proven that we are humbled in total surrender and submission to his direction and guidance. If you have not made a habit pattern of walking by the Spirit, you will not perceive the warnings, information, and guidance necessary to preserve a union.

Know that he’s for you
If you are of the Lord, and the Lord is not in him, do not risk your life. Seek God with your whole heart! The man that is the one God has sent will not think it is a burden to change the things that jeopardize your relationship, because he will have confidence in the love of Christ in you. No longer will you allow yourself to be concerned with attributes and small things that irritated you in the past. This man will humble himself before God, and because of this, he will move you at your core. The Holy Spirit will testify in you that he is indeed the one that God has sent. Then you can have confidence that no matter what comes your way, the two of you will walk together in agreement as the love of God in Christ works within you both.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Trying to Get the Man to Change”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 15, 2023
Navigating Dating with God’s Wisdom

You’ve been waiting for this moment for most of your adult life, and now it’s here. The man you met thirteen months ago proposed and you couldn’t be happier. Whether you’ve never been married, or you’re divorced or widowed, getting married is always going to be a life changing experience. Finally arriving at the place where you can honestly say the wait is over is a really big deal and a sigh of relief. That’s not to say things are perfect. If you’ve been dating the same person a while, you’ve probably seen a lot of things in him that you really love and a few things that could use some work. You understand that neither you or your future spouse is perfect, but you’ve agreed to be committed to one another and help each other grow. Single women who have yet to get to that point should know that there’s a profound spiritual element that causes all this to come together and move a woman from dating to marriage, and that element is God’s wisdom.

Proverbs 2:6 tells us that it is the Lord who gives wisdom, and knowledge and understanding come from His mouth. Many singles haven’t fully believed this and have sought many other sources for what can only come from God. He tells us in Proverbs 4:7(NKJV) that “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” A principal thing is a thing that is highest on the list of importance. This means that wisdom ranks very high in God’s Book. He wants us to obtain knowledge from His Word, and He also wants us to understand the knowledge we’ve acquired. This is what keeps us growing and flourishing in our Christian lives.

Navigate before you date
Wisdom is the principal thing that allows us to navigate dating from a position of faith even before we begin to date. We forget sometimes that we are spiritual beings with a soul having an earth experience. As spiritual beings, we are continually sending out messages through our emotions, thoughts, actions, conversations, and confessions. We are also constantly responding to the messages that others around us send as well. God tells us in His Word that all this sending and responding better add up to His love, because if it doesn’t, we’re sending and responding to the wrong messages, and we’ll miss what He has in store. This is one of the reasons we find ourselves unable to get out of the gate when it comes to marriage. We’re not yet sending a strong and right message of God’s love.

To navigate before you date, you must have a commitment to stand on the foundation of God’s Word no matter who you meet and how much he likes you and you like him. This isn’t just about sexual sin. It’s also about understanding your position and facing the reality that its up to you to help move yourself and your relationship from point A to point B. You must span that distance through your faith in God, and if you are disobeying Him, you are not walking in wisdom or faith, and He can’t bless that. If you’re planning to sin two weeks after you meet the guy, you’ve lost the treasure before it even has time to develop and grow.

Be in agreement with God’s plan
Two people that are ordained by God to walk together in life are in each other’s destinies. God has already taken care of this. They are magnetized to each other, but faith is the thing that moves them closer to one another. When they are checked-in to destiny, and they are sending and responding in a way that resonates God’s love toward one another, all things will work together for their supreme benefit. This is the way all good things come together. Amos 3:3(NKJV) asks “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” This points to an agreement that is more than physical or mental. It’s a spiritual agreement, and we cannot get to that point unless our chief concern in life is loving God through our emotions, thoughts, actions, conversations, and confessions.

To come into agreement with God’s plan, all parts of you must be on board with His love. Romans 12:1(NLT) affirms this. It says, “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” God purchased us with a very high price, the price of the life of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. He wants all of you, your spirit, soul, and body, to be presented to Him as a living sacrifice. God has a purpose for your life, and in order for it to unfold, you must be in total agreement with Him through what you do, think, feel, and say.

The psalmist said in Psalm 138:8(NKJV), “The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;” In other words, God is going to fulfill His purpose for our lives. He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for us. Again, our responsibility as believers is to align ourselves with His plan and purpose. When we do this, amazing things will begin to happen.

Pray to receive God’s wisdom and understanding
Dating is not the first step towards marriage, becoming spiritually prepared for it is. Your mind and heart must be sold-out for God before you think about loving, supporting, and ministering to another person’s heart and life. Proverbs 16:9(NLT) tells us, “We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” It is irrational and illogical to think that we can line up our faith with God’s plan and purpose for our lives when we don’t even know what God’s plan and purpose of our lives is. We need to spend quality time in prayer and pray to receive revelation and guidance through His indwelling Holy Spirit, because Jesus Christ tells us in John 16:13 that the Spirit is the One that will guide us into all truth. You must humble yourself and surrender to God in every aspect of living, dating, and marriage.

1Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is not the author of confusion and chaos, but of peace and order. He is organized beyond anything we can imagine. He knows the end at the beginning and beginning at the end. There’s nothing about anything that you and I could ever do in our lives that would surprise Him. He knows the plan He has for us, and His purpose and the mission He has set for our lives is for us to walk in His love to the greatest extent possible. God wants to look at your heart and see Christ, and that is His priority for you.

God has given us marriage to teach us how to love one another and to teach us the depth, breadth, and width of His love for us. When Jesus Christ returns, there will be no need for marriage, so we must pray and be ever so careful that we don’t get out of order and begin to think that marriage is more than what God designed it to be. Our Heavenly Father requires that we put and seek Him first in all things. No matter how long we live, no matter what we do, and no matter who we are, it will all boil down to how well we love God. This determines our spiritual preparedness to navigate dating with God’s wisdom and to take our relationship with the right person from dating to marriage ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Navigating Dating with God’s Wisdom”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 8, 2023
A Friendship that Leads to Marriage

1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)
“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

Imagine being friends with a man that you’re interested in, but you don’t think he’s interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that there’s no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friend’s relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.

I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate we’re currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.

Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, “13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.

Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in God’s wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, “You can’t help who you love.” That’s a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.

God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Yet, most do not love God in this way. They don’t love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.

Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with God’s Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.

Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasn’t given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. It’s a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Friendship that Leads to Marriage”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 1, 2023