Find A Christian Man

Tag: Spiritual Encouragement for Christian Women

God’s Plan for You Won’t Fail

“Why do grown folks always have to spoil everything?!!!” As a teenager dating my high school sweetheart, this is what I thought to myself every time my mother commented on my future plans for marrying him. I was absolutely sure of our feelings for one another, and you couldn’t tell me anything different. Daydreaming about us, I’d write the both of our names on a piece of paper, envisioning it one day on a wedding invitation. My plans seemed just perfect, and in my mind, love was all you needed, but my mother knew this wasn’t the case. She had the wisdom of love’s mistakes and successes, and my seventeen-year-old self couldn’t imagine that she had ever been in love the way that I was at the time. My mother saw the way I’d look at him. I smiled cheek to cheek every time we were together. I was in a daze, and she’d say to me, “Girl, you better get your head out of the clouds.”

The thing that my mother knew, and that I didn’t have a clue about, is that I didn’t have a foundation. I hadn’t thought about all the ways in which life could give you a good spanking if you hadn’t prepared for its ups and downs. Thank goodness for time, maturity, and life experiences, but most importantly, thank God for ordering my steps and leading me according to His wisdom. I was young, immature, and very vulnerable emotionally. As I look back to where I was then, I realize what a drastic mistake I would have made had I been allowed to do what I wanted.

There are young women I went to school with that married the guys they dated in high school. Some of them are together to this day, but there are others that I’ve spoken to that have said they’d do things differently. Given the chance all over again, they would have been more patient to see what God had in store for them. This is a lesson that none of us should want to learn the hard way.

Romans 12:2(MSG) tells us, “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” God instructs us to fix our attention on Him, and this is a skill that we become better and better at through practice. Relationships take a tremendous amount of focus and effort, but when we have developed spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity, we are able to handle the rigors of a relationship in such a way that it doesn’t detract from our relationship with God.

Keeping our relationship with God on point will keep everything else in our lives on point. We must never lose sight of the reality that we are products of God’s love. He tells us to flush our thoughts with His truth so that we wear His love like a uniform. Heavenly Father has commanded us to love through Jesus Christ, because the love of Christ is a fully developed, never ending love. Only the love of God in Christ has the glue to hold a relationship together.

Many of us allow our emotions to rule our choices and decisions, but God desires that the wisdom of His Word becomes the foundation on which we build our lives. His Word should govern our choices. God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11(NIV), “For I know the plans I have for you. Declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” We serve a sovereign God! There’s none like Him. No one compares, and no one can take His place. He created the universe and all that we see. It would be nonsensical to speculate for one tenth of one second that we can formulate a plan that is anywhere near as profitable and beneficial as the plan He has for us. God always knows best. The psalmist said in Psalm 40:5(NLT), “O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.”

Although many of us grow up and mature in every other way, sometimes our emotions get stuck. We are reminded of those days when butterflies churned in our bellies, and attachments were both sweet and all-consuming. Many of us carry those emotional impulses and responses of our younger years into our adult relationships. This means that we might make relationship choices from this same place of emotional immaturity. Instead of choosing someone who responds to our strength and confidence in Christ, many of us choose someone that responds to that part of us that isn’t as emotionally developed as it should be.

God knows we’re not perfect. He knows exactly where and how we need to grow so that we’re transforming into the men and women He desires us to be. This is one of the reasons He instructs us to let Jesus Christ guide us when it comes to choosing the person that is right for our lives. In Colossians 3:16, God commands us to let the Word of Christ dwell in us richly. We are to let the message of Christ sink into us so that we have the full vocabulary of God’s love. Then, our conversations will lead to peace and the Lordship of Christ will cause us to respond to our future spouses, and them to us, in the most loving way. God has this all figured out, and we must trust His plan for us because it will not fail. If we allow ourselves to be led of God, He will present a man that will strengthen the places where we’re weak. God knows this very moment the man that will minister and bless our lives the most. This is what He wants for us, and we should want this as well.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

“God’s Plan for You Won’t Fail” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 4, 2022
Remember, God is Watching

Why do two people decide to get married? I will venture to say that most of us will choose to utter those profound two little words, “I Do!”, because we believe we’ve met someone we don’t want to live without. Our wise mothers and grandmothers will school us on this topic. They will tell us that saying the words “I Do!” is the easiest part about marriage. They’d want us to realize that the decision regarding who we choose to walk with us through life is one we must be very careful about making. We don’t always understand that the person to whom we say those two little words will change, and so will we. Only God knows how and the extent to which we both will change. And Most importantly, only the Lord knows if we have actually chosen someone that is in our best interest, someone that He wants us to unite with. This piece of knowledge should make us see that we need God’s help, and we should seek it way before we begin planning that walk down the aisle.

Jesus Christ said in Matthew 16:19(NLT), “And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” All of us should realize that the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven are no small thing. This is a huge gift the Master has given us. In this verse, Jesus Christ tells us a little bit about these keys. He tells us that they both lock up and unlock some doors. He’s placed these powerful keys in our hands. This means that we decide which doors they will unlock and lock. We need look no further than our own lives to recognize that if we want to unlock a wrong door, the Lord will allow it. He placed the keys in our hands, and He will not take them back. But if we are patient and seek Him diligently, He will show us the right doors to open as well as those that need to remain locked.

You might be asking, “Well what’s the point of giving me the keys if I have to go through all this work of finding the right door? Why doesn’t God do this for me?” God has given us the gift of free-will. How we use it is up to us, but His greatest hope is that we will partner with Him in everything that we do. 1John 4:8 tells us that God is love. As we study His Word, we learn that His love never fails, and God’s love doesn’t restrict our choices. Just as He didn’t remove the tree of the knowledge of good and evil from the Garden of Eden, He doesn’t hinder, remove, or alter our ability to make our own choices. Love gives freedom, and we decide what we will do, who we will be, and how we will respond to the enormous gifts that God has given us.

We decide the degree to which we will honor God with our choices. We choose whether we will trust in His Word, be led of His Spirit, and lean not on our own understanding, or we can make choices based on our own agendas. It’s up to us, but we will never get away from the reality that responsibility and accountability will always come with freedom.

Galatians 3:22(NLT) tells us, “But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.” Believing and trusting God is a choice, and He’s placed us here on this earth to make it. Sin will always be a trap that satan lays for the believer. Freedom is what we have in Christ when we believe with everything in us that choosing God’s love is always the best choice. Choosing God’s love is freedom! And therein lies the reality of free-will choice. Our choice to do what pleases God backs up our faith. James 2:26 tells us that faith without works is dead. Making the decision to commit ourselves to please God demonstrates our faith in His Word, and this faith will bring into fruition the promise of all He has for us.

2Chronicles 16:9 tells us that the eyes of the Lord search the whole earth. What is He searching for? He’s searching to find those who have a heart that is fully committed to Him. He has made it clear in His Word that we don’t have to be perfect to have a heart that is fully committed to God, but we must be humble before Him. We must be committed to surrender to His sovereignty. So, God is watching us. He is looking to see what we do with this extraordinary gift of free-will choice. He’s looking at what we do with the responsibility that comes with it.

From the very beginning, in the Book of Genesis, God told us about the first couple. He chose the union of marriage between a man and a woman to begin our understanding of His plan. This shows us that one of the most important responsibilities of free-will choice is caring for another person’s heart. 1John 3:18(NLT) says, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” So many of us are complaining about the wait, but we must remember that God is watching. Your willingness to patiently endure, to grow in Christ and increase your faith means that you understand the heft of what you’re asking for. Thank God that Christ has given you the keys, now let the Lord lead you to the right door.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Remember, God Is Watching”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 27, 2022
When You Least Expect It, It Shows Up

How many couples do you know that say they met their husband or wife at a time in their lives when they weren’t expecting it? I’ve heard it said many times. Some would argue that it doesn’t matter if a person is looking for love or not. What matters is that when they find love, they are able to keep it. There’s some merit in that school of thought as well, but we can’t overlook the reality that when we have stepped away from being consumed with finding love, love finds us. At some point it has to dawn on us that there’s a spiritual principle in the notion of meeting someone when our attention isn’t on it. This principle shows us that there’s more to meeting the right person than what we’ve thought, and it reveals most assuredly that what’s going on in our hearts and minds plays a very important part.

Jeremiah 17:7-8(NLT) gives us the basis for understanding how important the mind and heart are when it comes to proving our faith in God. It says, “7 But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.” At the time God delivered these words to those living in Old Testament times, the sins of His people were notoriously disobedient. They had evil in their hearts, so much so that they made evil a part of their worship. They were so entrenched in their own kind of righteousness that they could no longer see their evil for what it was. It could be said that the women had turned their eyes and hearts from God and worshiped their men instead. They looked upon men as though they were their everything.

The same could be said of the men. They looked to their human rulers for leadership and guidance, and they totally abandoned the ways of God. Heavenly Father said in Jeremiah 17:5(NLT), “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the LORD.” Because of the idolatrous practices of His people, God told them that the wonderful blessing He had reserved for them would slip through their hands. God had blessed His people with great wealth and prosperity, but instead of being thankful and more sincere in their worship, they became self-righteous and were blind to the true righteousness of God. The same can be said about many of us.

The luxury of modern living that we’ve been so blessed to experience has blinded our eyes. We can’t see the extent to which we’ve turned from God and began to depend on people and the systems they maneuver to make life more convenient. When we operate this way, the blessings we want most can potentially slip through our hands, and like God’s people living in earlier biblical times, we’re blinded to how far our minds and hearts have turned from God. If there’s even the slightest, most remote possibility that this has happened to you, don’t delay. Offer God your most sincere and deepest apology and repent. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Our hearts can and do deceive us. Our circumstances will tell the story about where our hearts are, and what we’re harboring in them. As challenging as it can be, we must acknowledge our errors and repent so that our blessings are no longer blocked.

Heavenly Father rebuked those that had refused to acknowledge that all blessings come from Him. Then, in Jeremiah 17:7-8, He gave this wonderful blessed Word to those that placed their trust in Him. He said they had made HIM their hope and confidence. What does it mean to make God our hope and confidence? It means that we have emptied ourselves of all other negative thoughts, especially those that might be idolatrous, and the only thing remaining in our hearts and minds is our hope and confidence in God. Those who received His blessing had honored Him with their faith, and this is what He saw when He looked upon them; He saw their faith. He saw them as trees that were planted by the river.

When something is planted and rooted in the ground, it doesn’t move from one place to the next. It stays put and is totally dependent on the Creator for everything it needs. Like a tree that is continually nourished by the river’s water, we are totally dependent on God for everything. He has all power in His hands, and He has incredible love for us all, yet many of us love sin more than we love being committed to Him. Jeremiah was God’s mouthpiece, and he delivered harsh words to God’s people because they had strayed from Heavenly Father. It broke Jeremiah’s heart to speak to them that way, but it had to be done. The people called him a traitor because they didn’t want to hear the truth.

It is the same with many of us. We only want to hear words that tickle our ears, but we will not witness the mighty power of God if we refuse to hear His truth. Ephesians 3:20(NIV) declares, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” God is able and willing to do infinitely above anything we can imagine, but the buck stops with us. He moves according to our willingness to allow His Spirit to be at work within us. The Spirit moves where God’s Word is honored and believed. If we truly understand this, we can see why the most marvelous things can happen when we least expect them. When our confidence is anchored in God, we go on about our Father’s business, and stop worrying about things He has promised to provide.

We must remember that our sins are not forgotten until they are forgiven. Repentance comes with a heart that is humble and eager to please God and change from those things that don’t please Him. If we are ever unsure about our sin, we need only ask God for a revelation of it. He will reveal how we’ve grieved the Holy Spirit through our wrong actions. We must be ever so careful that our hearts are right with God, and that we’re not putting anything ahead of our relationship with Him. In Genesis 15:1, God came to Abraham in a vision and said to him, “Don’t be afraid, Abraham, I am your shield and I will protect you. I am your exceeding great reward.” Oh, how important this is for us to know. God is the Great I Am! He is our exceeding great reward! If this is how we truly feel about our God, we will have proven our commitment to Him. When we have made God our hope and confidence by living by the example of Christ, not only will He bless us when we least expect it, but He will make sure we are ready for the blessing He will present.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“When You Least Expect It, It Shows up!”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 20, 2022
Listen Carefully to the Truth

Hebrews 2:1(NLT)
“So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it.”

After hearing her mother’s lighthearted but firm warning, a twenty-three-year-old daughter chuckled and told her over the phone, “You’re going to ruin my first date before it starts.” Her daughter had met a very nice guy from her job, and they were going out on their first date. The daughter had called her mom to ask the name of the restaurant she’d taken her to a couple of months ago. She thought it would be a good place to check out. While on the phone, her mother gave her a few reminder tips on the do’s and don’ts of Christian woman etiquette. Her daughter was a bit annoyed that her mom felt she needed to be reminded. Afterall, she had been walking the straight and narrow path when it came to dating and relationships, but it had been such a long time since she met someone new. She didn’t want high expectations and standards to make her seem overanxious or under confident.

We can read scriptures in the bible multiple times, but no matter how many times we read them, the revelation we receive is always fresh and new. When it comes to dating, hearing the Word and being reminded of it continually is absolutely vital. It’s just too easy to let our minds and hearts slip to those old ways. If we allow ourselves to slip back to old thinking, behaviors, and attitudes, we can be tempted to let down our guards. Our confidence and standards can be easily eroded, and this is why it is important for us to keep ourselves spiritually sharp and alert through God’s Word.

Hebrews 2:1 reminds us that we must listen very carefully to the truth we’ve heard. To listen carefully is to pay attention to the instructions that have been spoken. It’s to take them into our hearts and keep them locked away. The psalmist, David, spoke about this in Psalm 119:11 when he said, “I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” David understood that only God can rescue us, and only God’s Word can cause our eyes to be open so that we can see clearly what is before us. We are to look to God’s Word for guidance and counseling, but so many single people are willing to forego the standard of God’s Word simply to have a relationship. This is a recipe for trouble, because there is always a price to pay for not obeying God’s Word.

Having a relationship with a person we really like is wonderful, but as great as it is, it’s not on the same level as the privilege and treasure of receiving the revelation of God’s Word. The truth of God’s Word makes it possible for unity and harmony in relationships to be developed and maintained. God’s Word is the glue. If accepting God’s truth and living by it is not the basis of our faith as single people, we may not have the faith to maintain the relationship we seek. God tells us in Romans 10:17 that faith comes by hearing His Word. This means that what God has to say on a subject is more than a few sentences strung together. His Words carry His supernatural power! His Word is life to us! Faith will come and do its most perfect work where the God’s truth is honored and lived. Nothing will ever diminish the reality of this foundation.

We can’t afford to be asleep when it comes to relationships. Therefore, we shouldn’t take anything for granted. Ephesians 6:11(NLT) tells us, “Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.” This verse makes it clear that we have a spiritual enemy, and God tells us that the way to stand against the devil is to put on every piece of God’s armor. We should never let ourselves forget that the enemy has his eyes on the unions we seek to develop, and he wants to tear those unions apart because he hates unity. God’s Word will keep us alert so that we cannot be outsmarted by the devil. God has provided this protection for our relationships, and they desperately need it. We must understand that remaining in God’s Word is the very best move we can make.

So, when the mother reminded her daughter to keep her guard up and maintain the standard of God’s Word she had been taught, she gave her daughter a jewel. She was helping her to protect what belongs to God, so that He would stay at His rightful place of honor in the daughter’s heart. To drift away from God’s truth can bring about heartbreaking circumstances that can sometimes take a long time to remedy. The consequences we face from bad choices and wrong decisions are often swift and painful. But staying true to Christ allows us to shine bright. We must trust and believe with everything in our hearts that the right man will adore our light and always respect our stand on God’s Word.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Listen Carefully to the Truth”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 13, 2022
Do You Ever Wonder?

Do you ever wonder if the path you’re on is just not getting you where you want to go? Does it seem like you’re traveling rocky terrain and you can’t seem to build the type of momentum you expected? Many single believers feel this way about relationships and finding the right person. They’re wondering why it seems so challenging to meet someone who’s compatible and actually believes marriage is one of life’s treasures. Every day you wake up hoping it will be different from all the rest, and that you’ll meet the person that starts a new chapter for you. After a while, you start to wonder if things will ever go your way. There are folks that have gotten tired of waiting. They’ve stepped outside of Godliness and are doing whatever they want. You might be wondering if that’s a path you should take.

The first question you might consider asking yourself is “How important is it to me to wait on God?” Is this a requirement for a follower of Christ? Does God require those that are committed to Him to wait for the fulfillment of His promises? So many people have chosen not to do so. Especially in these times, more and more people are abandoning the spiritual discipline of waiting on God. Make no mistake, spiritual warfare is real, and the devil has used the desire for marriage to separate many singles from their relationship with God, and therefore, they are separated from the blessings He wants to give them.

This spiritual war began way before Adam and Eve were created. It began when satan, once a beautiful cherub, decided to rebel against Heavenly Father’s Will. The Lord said of satan in Ezekiel 28:12-15(NKJV), “You were the seal of perfection, Full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering: the sardius, topaz, and diamond, Beryl, onyx, and jasper, Sapphire, turquoise, and emerald with gold. The workmanship of your timbrels and pipes was prepared for you on the day you were created. “You were the anointed cherub who covers; I established you; You were on the holy mountain of God; You walked back and forth in the midst of fiery stones. You were perfect in your ways from the day you were created, till iniquity was found in you.”

Isaiah 14:12 tells us that God cut satan down to the ground because he destroyed the nations of the world and tried to exalt his throne above God’s stars. Isaiah 14:14 tells us that satan was full of arrogance and wanted to be like the Most High, so he was thrown out of heaven. The realm that satan oversees is utter destruction and darkness; he is trying to put us in that same bondage so that we will not fulfill the destiny in Christ that God has ordained for our lives. It is the battle of good versus evil, light versus darkness, faith versus fear, and God versus satan. The choice of which side we are going to be on is ever before us.

Psalm 27:14(NLT) says, “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” The reason that we can be brave and courageous in the wait is because the Lord does not disappoint. The Lord doesn’t fail. He is faithful to keep His promises and we can lean upon Him with absolute confidence. After a certain amount of time has gone by, we might be tricked into thinking that the Lord isn’t going to answer our prayers. We might think He’s forgotten about our need, and that He’s unhappy with us. Nothing could be further from the truth. God is working both in us and in the person that will walk with us through life.

Think about where you are and all the emotional ups and downs you’ve gone through during the process of waiting. You’ve had doubts, you’ve made mistakes, and you may have resented the time it is taking. You might think to yourself, “I’ve already been patiently waiting on the Lord, and nothing is happening.” Life does not begin with marriage, nor should the fulfillment of it be dependent on marriage. Our life is in Jesus Christ! Heavenly Father doesn’t punish us for not coming to grips with this reality, but He absolutely expects that we will learn it so we can walk by faith.

God has called us to His purpose, and there is much we are called to do. Jesus Christ said in Luke 6:44 that a tree is known by the fruit it bears, and we will never escape this truth. We are in the fruit producing business, and it is a spiritual trade we must master before we think about marriage. Most of us spend so little time on Kingdom business. We’re on social media, our phones, at work or doing a million other things. Some of us spend 90 -95% of our time pursuing our own agendas, and then we get upset when God doesn’t reward our lack of attention to His purpose.

Significant relationships are probably one of the most rewarding ventures in life, but they are also very challenging. Spiritual maturity is a must to sustain them. And the truth is that if we have time to complain about waiting, we’re not busy enough with Kingdom pursuits. Each night, we should be so tired from running our races for Jesus that all we think about is praying and going to sleep. God cannot be an afterthought, and He will teach us to prioritize so that this is never the case in our lives.

2Peter 3:9(NLT) tells us, “The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” God’s timing is impeccable. It is so on point that it would blow our minds to know just how truly perfect His timing is. He doesn’t make mistakes, and He is not withholding our blessings. He is being patient for our sakes. He’s giving us time to sharpen our level of spiritual maturity so that we can handle the sometimes rocky terrain of marriage.

God doesn’t want us destroying one of His treasures, and He doesn’t want anyone harming us either. He doesn’t want us hurting someone and impeding their spiritual journey in Christ because we haven’t learned to be kind, compassionate, and unselfish. He doesn’t want anyone’s heart to be crushed by another person’s habit of carrying resentment, acting out in anger, and doubting His goodness. Heavenly Father is going to protect His treasures even when they don’t realize that this is what He’s doing. So, if you are wondering if you’ll have to wait longer, you might. But know that if you continue to do what He’s called you to do, and grow in Christ, He will answer your prayers and His timing will be perfect.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Do You Ever Wonder?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 6, 2022
Tell Your Flesh to Stand Down

I watched an interview of an actress promoting her new movie. She had also recently celebrated her first wedding anniversary with her husband. She talked about how supportive her husband has been of her career, and that its one of the reasons she didn’t hesitate to say ‘yes’ when he asked her to marry him. She is awed by his unwavering commitment to his word. “He’s never been inconsistent about his intentions towards me and our relationship, and he honored my commitment to remain celibate while we were dating.” I was blown away to hear this woman’s admission of celibacy. It’s almost unheard of today, especially in the entertainment world.

They dated for almost a year before he popped the question, and many of us who walk this walk know that it isn’t always easy to be committed to celibacy. This is why the interview struck a chord with me. To be true to a vow of abstinence while also being in a committed relationship, it takes diligence and a determination to honor God above all else. Additionally, both individuals must honor each other. Keeping this vow is a tremendous way to know exactly what kind of person you’re working with. If a person has the ability to remain committed to God’s standards when they are dating you, then there’s a pretty good chance this person will remain committed to the marriage and to you when things get tough.

Keeping it real, there are going to be many occasions where you must tell your flesh to stand down. Standing down is often used in a military setting. It’s when someone goes off duty or withdraws from a position or state of readiness or alert. Well, the flesh is on duty all the time, and it wants what it believes will bring it the most pleasure. Galatians 5:19-21(NLT) lists the desires of the flesh as “sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” The body is the flesh, and it was not created by God to be the leader of our destinies. The body is God’s temple. It houses God’s Spirit; therefore, we must honor our bodies as the place where God lives.

The Apostle Paul said in Galatians 2:20(NLT), “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” We can’t live by the mind of the flesh and live by the Spirit at the same time. One of them will win out and we are the ones to choose the winner. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are commanded to walk in the Spirit and not do what our sinful natures crave. We are able to make the right choice because God has empowered us through Christ to stand strong in the power of His might.

Again, even for Christians, the thought of putting the flesh under subjection is not something that comes easy. I’ve heard many single Christian women make the statement that they don’t think they could ever be successful in remaining celibate during dating. The truth of the matter is that we must always bring everything back to what God says. If you’re not willing to honor what God says from the beginning of your relationship, can you really have faith that it will last? It’s not about what the man will and won’t accept, it’s about whose word you trust the most, the man’s or God’s!

Proverbs 21:2(NLT) tells us, “People may be right in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their heart.” The Lord tells us that He is a Righteous Judge that gives everyone what they deserve. He looks at our hearts to see if His love is living there, or if idolatry is living there. We always think we know what’s best for us. If there’s a significant person in our lives right now, we may even believe he’s the right fit, but only God knows the truth. Only God knows what the absolute best is, and He looks at our hearts to measure our true intentions. He sees if our desire is to partner in marriage as an effort to honor Him or if we’re only interested in hooking up to satisfy our fleshly desires.

I’ve had many conversations with single women that have entertained circumstances designed to interrupt God’s plan for their lives. Even if you aren’t aware or paying attention to what’s going on around you, you should pay close attention to what is going on inside your own heart and mind. Sometimes women are not understanding the thoughts and intentions they hold that get in the way of receiving answers to their prayers. They don’t believe change is necessary, but the answer to whether it is or not can only be found in Christ. We need him to tell us what we should and shouldn’t change.

Old behaviors, old habit patterns and old ways of thinking keep us from reaching our full potential in the Lord. These things will keep us stagnant, spinning our wheels, and we’ll lose out on God’s blessings if we don’t wake up. Now is the time to seek God through prayer and through studying His Word. This is the way to demonstrate that we’re serious about our commitment to Christ. It is the way to lay out the welcome mat for newness. We should ask the Lord what we need to do differently. We must tell our flesh to stand down so that our spiritual ears are perked up to hear from Him. Then we’ll hear His voice loud and clear. It will give us confidence to know that the man God presents is the treasure we’ve been praying to receive. This man will know in his heart that we are a treasure as well, and there will be no question in his mind that we are well worth the wait. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Tell Your Flesh to Stand Down”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 9, 2022
Speak the Truth About What You Want

One of my sister-friends and I were talking on the phone the other day and I noticed she didn’t sound quite like herself, so I asked her what was wrong. She didn’t hesitate to reveal what was on her mind and heart. It was as if she had been waiting for someone to give her permission to unleash her frustration. “We’ve been inseparable for thirteen-months, and there’s been no mention from him of wanting to move things closer to a commitment. I don’t want to seem desperate, like all my happiness is depending on him. And I don’t want to push him away either, but I’m ready for something more, and I just feel so stuck right now.” In thirteen months, over a year, neither of them had taken the time to discuss their expectations with one another. I was stunned by this. With all the conveniences of cell phones, texting, internet, pen and paper, and greeting cards and e-cards that express just about anything you want to say, in all that time, two grown folks didn’t communicate what they wanted from one another. Why?

James 2:26(NLT) tells us, “Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.” Ladies and gentlemen, faith is required for anything any of us might attempt to do. It doesn’t matter what it is, how large or small, without faith, it won’t get done. We need faith to move from point A to point B, and Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 11:22 to have faith in God! Our Heavenly Father is a God of order, and His order dictates that we first find out what is available to receive from Him. Then, we can begin to move forward. Many of us get this twisted. We see what we like, pursue it, and ask God to bless what we’ve pursued. Some of us have found out the hard way that this isn’t a workable strategy.

At a fundamental level, we know that God desires us to marry should we desire it for ourselves. Take a look at Ecclesiastes 4:7-12(MSG), “7-8 I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone—no children, no family, no friends—yet working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, “Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun? And who cares?” More smoke. A bad business. 9-10 It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there’s no one to help, tough! 11 Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. 12 By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.” God schools us here on the basics of unity and what two people can accomplish when they walk together through life. He knows the benefits of partnership, that’s why He designed it. So, if we want marriage, we can have confidence that He wants it for us, more than we could ever want it for ourselves. He desires our happiness.

After we’ve developed confidence and trust that God indeed wants the best for us, we should also ask Him to show us WHO is the best for us. We shouldn’t make assumptions in this area without seeking His guidance, because that’s not faith, that’s guessing. My sista-friend assumed her boyfriend understood her desires without the both of them ever communicating about them. After an investment of over a year of her time and energy, she may have set herself up for disappointment.

You don’t have to hit someone over the head with this as soon as you start dating. In fact, it’s best to allow that conversation to evolve organically, but it shouldn’t take over a year. I can’t say why they haven’t communicated about marriage or whether both of them want it and plan to head in that direction, but both my friend and her boyfriend are really smart people. She’s been around him long enough to sense how he feels about their relationship. My guess is that she hasn’t broached the subject because she fears he’s going to say the very words she doesn’t want to hear, “I don’t want marriage.”

1John 3:18 (NLT) says, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” This is good medicine and good practice. As God’s daughters, we should have an expectation that God will present us with someone He approves of, someone that will have our backs and consider it a privilege to walk with us through life. Any good father would want this for his daughter, and this is even more true of Heavenly Father. We should never have any fear about speaking the truth of God’s Word and speaking the truth about what we want. Have faith in God and have faith in what He desires for your life. Ask Him for His guidance so that you are led to the right man who will desire marriage and won’t hesitate to let you know it. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Speak the Truth About What You Want”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 2, 2022
Good Love Starts from Within

A very good friend and sister-in-Christ told me one day, “When a man truly loves a woman, peace in the relationship will follow.” I remember thinking to myself, “How in the world did she come to this realization?” At that time in my life, I wondered what she must have gone through in her own personal relationships to finally get to this place—a place where she could see this kind of love and peace in her life as well as in her significant relationship. It wasn’t until I had gone through a few heartaches and disappointments and learned from my mistakes that I came to realize just how true her statement is. I now know with confidence that good love starts from within. This is true for us, and it’s true for the person that we desire to build a life with.

Most of us have received age-old wisdom about good love. We’ve been taught that if a person has it within themselves to honor and respect others, if they want the best for them, and has genuine compassion, this person is capable of good love. A more modern version of this wisdom is that a person that loves good will always have your back, no matter what. This is a man or woman that will give you their last and will go without, themselves, so that they can make sure you have what you need. Now, most folks today would probably say that there aren’t many people around who fit the bill for this good love. They might say they don’t come built like this anymore, but is that really true?

Luke 1:37(NLT) tells us, “For nothing is impossible with God.” God’s Word is true, and His Word never fails. When God speaks, we have the definitive authority on a subject, for everything He speaks is perfect and true. In Mark 12:30(NLT), Jesus Christ commands, “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This is the kind of love that God requires of us, and because of the Words commanded by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we can confidently know two things. The first is that God is good. The second thing we can know for sure is that because He made us, we are capable of giving Him good love. If you and I were not capable of loving God the way He desires to be loved, Jesus Christ would not have commanded us to do it.

The question is never if a man can give us good love. The question is whether we are giving God the love He requires. How can any of us ever have faith that we will receive good love, if we don’t have faith in our ability to give it to God? Heavenly Father has put a perfect love system in place, and 1John 4:21(NLT) gives us an important part. This verse says, “And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.” Understand that obedience requires us to give God the good love He has empowered us to offer to Him. It is because of the good love that we give to Him that we can give it to each other. 1John 5:2(NLT) affirms this. It says, “We know we love God’s children if we love God and obey his commandments.”

Ephesians 5:2(NLT) tells us, “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Jesus Christ came to the earth and modeled the perfect example of God’s love. He showed us how God’s love should be lived-out on earth. Christ is our example. Through the pattern he gave us, we learn to give good love and this same love comes back to us. It’s the love of God IN Christ IN us that starts the cycle and keeps it going. God loves us first. We accept it, then give it back to Him and others. The love cycle in Christ continues, leaving a trail of blessings wherever it goes. So, it’s not about our thoughts and opinions, it’s about believing and trusting God’s Word, and believing and trusting HIS love. It’s faith in His love that brings about His peace in our relationships.

If we put the good stuff out there, the good stuff will come back to us. The good stuff is God’s love. The love that you and I offer is sometimes based on our own personal agendas. It has strings attached to it, but not the love of God in Christ. When we make a habit pattern of loving God, wonderful things happen inside us. Our love for God gives the Holy Spirit permission to do his most perfect work within. Then, we can love others with this same unfailing, unconditional love that God has given us.

Some of us are living a reality day to day that has been shaped and molded by our own low expectations. Many of us have no interest in meeting God’s standard of love, even though He’s empowered us to get it done. And because we refuse to meet His standard, we refuse to believe that a man can love us through that standard. The darkness of this kind of wrong believing will keep us not only thinking low but settling for low.

When it comes to a man that gives good love, are our expectations limited by our lack of confidence in our own ability to give it? This deserves some thought, because good love does indeed come from within, where the love of God abides. When your relationship is right with God, your outer reality will prove it out, and you can’t help but have peace. Some folks believe that people who give good love no longer exist, that you can’t find a man that will truly have your back, but God’s Word forces us to turn the mirror on ourselves. It is impossible to love God and love others through His love, and not receive this love in return. So, when a man truly loves a woman, peace follows not so much because of what he gives, but because of what God has given to us all through Jesus Christ. Confidence in our love for God and His love for us will always end in peace. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Good Love Starts from Within”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 18, 2022
When You Least Expect It

One sunny summer day, my sisters’ and I had spent the afternoon shopping. Our hands were filled with bags as we were getting in our car. My oldest sister was driving and had just gotten behind the wheel. My middle sister, the most notable shopaholic among us, was finagling bags to try and open the passenger-side door. Out of nowhere, a complete stranger approached her. He offered to help my sister, and with her permission, he opened the door, and then closed it after she was seated. Our mouths were agape as we watched him very gentlemanly assist her, and then wish us all a good afternoon. We were like, “What just happened?” Although this kindness occurred quite a number of years ago, the impact of it strikes me even today.

Whenever I mention this occurrence to others, particularly women, the comments range from, “You’ll never see that happening today…” to “Hope your bags were intact.” Isn’t it something that in the face of such a simple and beautiful act of kindness, many of us suspect the worse? It’s sad, because as daughters of our Heavenly Father, it is His desire that such kindnesses are heaped on us every day of our lives. Many of us have gone through such heartbreak and disrespect from prior relationships that we no longer expect this kind of chivalry from a man, and some of us have never experienced it to any significant degree.

And of course, there are some that ask if we ever saw him again. We didn’t, but it was enough to know that such a man exists, and he’s not the only one of his kind. I’m reminded of the record in the Old Testament, when Elijah complained to God that there were so few within His people, the children of Israel, that were faithful to God’s covenant. Elijah was in deep despair over their sinful behavior and betrayal. He knew the tremendous blessings that God had given them, and they repaid God’s kindness and grace with arrogance and sin. Elijah was weary of their shenanigans, and he tried to use their disobedience as an excuse to throw his hands up and retreat. He didn’t want to be bothered with them anymore and thought they were a useless cause. Many of God’s people had forsaken Him, and Elijah could hardly stomach seeing them ruin and run down things that they should have held sacred in their hearts and minds.

Elijah complained to God in 1Kings 19:14(NLT), “I have zealously served the LORD God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” Many of us can relate somewhat to how Elijah felt. If you’ve been traveling in the ‘single’s lane’ a while, it can feel very much like no one truly understands what you’re about. They can’t match your capacity to love and don’t have the depth to walk with you through life. You might feel like Elijah, that the bottom of the barrow is what’s left, and there’s no sea of which a treasure can be found.

God told Elijah in 1Kings 19:18 that He had preserved 7,000 of His people that had not bowed to the idol, baal, or served him. Elijah made an incorrect assumption that underestimated God’s power, intelligence, and provision. Many single believers have done the same thing. God doesn’t punish us when we think this way, He helps us, but will we allow ourselves to be helped? 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT) says, “The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” He’s searching the entire earth, looking for a certain characteristic in our hearts, and it is the humility to trust His Word and become fully committed to our relationships with Him. When we do this, we will no longer doubt His willingness or ability to bless us.

When we allow ourselves to believe that God has not provided for us in the way His Word says He has, we not only run the risk of not pleasing God, but we are injuring our faith. We stop it from performing because it isn’t mixed with our believing. The most faithful in God are often hidden, like the gentleman who came out of nowhere to inspire our faith and to be a conduit of God’s love. God knows those that belong to Him, and He knows exactly where they are. He sees what we cannot see, and we should never underestimate His power, love, and provision. When our faith is firmly anchored in His goodness, God will strengthen our hearts. Never allow negativity to cause you to underestimate what God can and will do for your life. He will exceed your expectations, and a beautiful blessing might occur when you least expect it. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“When You Least Expect It”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 6, 2022
Well Worth the Wait

My children, like most I imagine, are very inquisitive little creatures. No matter where we go, I can always count on this one question, “Where are we going?” They ask it even before they can buckle their seatbelts and then ask it while I’m driving. If they think the destination is close, they’ll ask, “How much longer before we get there?” I get a kick out of this sometimes. I like piquing their curiosity and surprising them with an unexpected destination. Our life’s journey is similar in some ways. A lot of us are asking God these same questions, but unlike our kids, many of us have lost a sense of wonder. We don’t like the unexpected, especially when it comes to waiting on the right person for our lives. We want God to give us all the details of the destination before the journey begins.

My conversation with a Christian woman the other day made me examine the relationship between our destiny and expectations more carefully. She had many expectations of God, but one of the most puzzling questions on her mind is why she hasn’t met a quality man. She has faith that God answers prayer, and she believes she’ll meet a good man one day, but the ‘when’ weighs heavily on her mind. I understand this because I had been in her shoes at one point in my life—it can feel as though you’re stranded in the Sahara Desert with no rain for years. At least, that’s how I personally felt.

Our Heavenly Father isn’t governed by our time-clock, thank goodness. His promises are built on HIS perfect timing. Psalm 84:11(NKJV) says, “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Heavenly Father doesn’t withhold blessings. He delights in blessing His people. Each of us has a destiny in His Will and Plan, but sometimes our choices and decisions prolong the time it takes us to reach our destination.

You may have a full tank of gas in the car but if you don’t turn the key, you won’t move in any direction. The same applies to your life. We have the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So, our spiritual tanks are full, but if you don’t apply God’s Word to your life, you are not turning the key. How far and how long will it take you to reach your destiny if that’s your approach? The answer to this question is that we can’t get anywhere or fulfill our destinies without saturating our hearts with God’s Word. His Word works! This means if you pray for God to bless you to meet a good man, He has already put a plan in motion for your marriage. It means that the door of blessing is right in front of us, but we have a responsibility to turn the key.

There’s one thing about us human beings that Jesus Christ makes very plain, and it is the reality that we can’t focus on faith and fear at the same time. We can’t focus on having faith in God’s goodness and blessings, and at the same time focus on the fear of being lonely longer than we’d like. To focus on God’s goodness, we must keep our eyes continually on Jesus Christ. In Philippians 3:14(NLT), through the Apostle Paul, God gives us a very important component to moving ahead. He said, “I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” This is a race that God has called us to run, and there are things that we were purposed by Him to do in this race. It is very important for us to seek God and ask Him what He requires.

When it comes to what God requires of His children, people fall into one of three categories. First, there are those they actually haven’t prayed and haven’t taken the time to ask Him what He requires. Typically, these individuals take their purpose in God’s Plan very lightly, and they may not even believe they have one. So, their vision of who they are in Christ is not on point. They are not walking in their sonship rights and true identity as a joint heir with Christ, because they don’t believe they are. If we believe in something, we will pursue it. So, not pursuing our purpose in the Plan of God is a sure indication that we don’t have faith in it. If we don’t have faith in our purpose in God’s Plan, how can we have faith in His plan for our lives when it comes to marriage?

Another category is people who have asked God what He requires of them, but they are stuck in neutral, waiting for a big event to take place. They have not demonstrated a full commitment because they become easily distracted and impatient. They stop and start repeatedly, they’re inconsistent with believing God’s Word, and they don’t realize that it’s the choices we make daily to become more like Christ that lead us continually on the path to purpose. In other words, the engine needs to be moving, and we’re are the ones to kick it in high gear. We need to open our eyes to the reality that pressing into God, clinging to His Word, and staying in continual communication with Him through prayer is the way to go. God needs to see this commitment from us.

The last category is comprised of people that are walking in their purpose within God’s Plan but might be feeling as they are losing momentum and stamina on this journey. You thought things would turn out differently. You thought you would be married, with two kids and a dog by now. But what if God is still training you for what lies ahead in your future? What if you have a few more lessons to learn? Are you going to give up on believing in His Plan for your life? Will you be patient, trust that He knows best, and have faith that He will never let you down?

Instead of letting your hope dwindle, press your foot to the ground and floor it! Recognize once and for all that you are not in charge of the race, you are responsible for running it. God is going to bless you, but don’t let your motivation and focus be determined by what you desire from Him. Let your heart be filled with the desire to please God. Keep seeking Him and keep asking Him to show you what He requires. Your unwavering commitment to do this demonstrates your love and faith, and at His appointed time, you will receive the blessing you desire. It will be well worth the wait.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Well Worth the Wait”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 30, 2022