Find A Christian Man

Author: findchristianman

  • She’s Rich, But Can’t Find A Man

    Celeste is a very independent and fierce woman. She’s built her career on being labeled ‘the first’. She was the first woman to hold the position she had in a large construction company; she was the first African American to be promoted to a senior level management position, and she is the first woman in her local area to move up the ladder from worker to co-owner of the company. I would venture to say that 95% of her counterparts are men. Most of her days are spent working around them, but at 43 years-old, she has never been married, and according to her, has never come close. Celeste is fiercely competitive, savvy, and financially set. Not only is she very successful, but she’s very down-to-earth and friendly. She wants to marry a Christian man and isn’t concerned that he might not be as successful as she is. This is why it is so baffling that she hasn’t crossed paths with her Mr. Right.

    A person in Celeste’s position has be very cautious about men that might only want to date her because of her wealth. This hasn’t been too much of an issue for her because she’s very unassuming. Were it not for the S63-coupe she sports, one would never know that she’s got serious bank. Again, she’s a sweet person, loves the Lord Jesus Christ, and you’d be amazed at how easy it is to strike up a conversation with her and feel like you’ve known her all your life. Still, in most ways, she’s no different than many singles these days. Despite all our efforts to do good, we slip into patterns and behaviors that are hard to break.

    In Matthew 7:3(NIV), Jesus Christ schools us on the kind of behavior we should have with one another. For those bent on being picky and criticizing others, he asked, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” It’s common sense to look at our own weaknesses and faults before we even think about calling out someone else’s, but often we don’t think about it this way. We adopt a set of behaviors and patterns, and do so subconsciously. The thought of changing or altering them a bit doesn’t cross our minds.

    If a stranger asked those who know Celeste well to describe her, her unselfish Christian nature would not be the first thing that came to their minds. It would be the fact that she curses like a sailor; not all the time, but enough that vulgar words strip the sweet aroma of Christ that Christians are supposed to leave with others. Her kind heart is completely overshadowed by her foul mouth.

    Ephesians 4:29(NLT) admonishes us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” How we speak and how we make use of our words can pose a very real challenge to our efforts to marry. God’s standard in Ephesians 4:29 is clear, and it is for men and women alike, but it cannot be denied that as mothers and wives, the tone and manner of which we speak can be tremendously soothing and encouraging to our children and husbands. We cannot be ignorant of how impactful our words can be, both negatively and positively.

    Psalm 52:2(NIV) says, “You who practice deceit, your tongue plots destruction; it is like a sharpened razor.” This is not the kind of people God has called us to be. We’re not to use our tongues like razors and cut people with our words. God says that everything we say should be good and helpful. I can tell you from personal experience that the consequences of not paying attention to God’s standard are far reaching and severe. I said some pretty hurtful words to someone I care about, and it boomeranged, as all actions do. Whether it is negative or positive, if you put it out there, it’s going to come back to you, and will do so with an impact that is greater than your original action.

    Our words have staying power. Negative words create a vicious negative cycle that keeps propelling darkness into a person’s life. People listen to the words we speak. Our children and loved ones are influenced by them. As Christians, we should desire to speak words that uplift and motivate everyone around us to be better.

    Celeste is rich, and complains that she can’t find a good man. She doesn’t realize that arrogance isn’t necessarily about being flashy and audacious, and that pride and arrogance might be holding her back. It’s the thinking that allows wealth to mold a person into being inflexible and unwilling to change in the ways God desires them to. God is not punishing Celeste for having a foul mouth. She’s punishing herself because she refuses to release it. It’s the refusal and neglect to place God’s Will over her will that is causing her believing to fizzle and her faith to misfire.

    The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:14 (NLT), “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” He understood that we’re all works in progress. We haven’t made it yet, but we are required to keep pressing, understanding that there is a standard we’re required and qualified to meet. Yes, we all have things about us that are not perfect. We’re not going to address every negative habit, behavior, or attitude in our lifetimes, but to the extent that something is holding our blessings at bay and causing us to miss the opportunity to be strategically positioned; it deserves our attention. We have to change and be better, so that we can continue pressing toward the mark for the prize. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “She’s Rich, But Can’t Find a Man”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Changing A Temporary Position to Permanent

    Our ears will fall upon information at certain times in our lives because it is just the information we need in order to move forward. For instance, my nephew recently shared with me a case study he completed. It was about a very lucrative company struggling with the idea of changing their business strategy. A small group of their team wanted to take the risk and venture outside of the company’s product models, and the others wanted to continue with what they knew, even though sales numbers were declining. This is high stakes risks for sure, but when it comes to our desire for marital partnership, no venture is riskier. It can greatly impact us spiritually, and that’s why now might be a good time for you to consider whether a switch-up in strategies is necessary. It might be just the thing needed for success in your marital endeavor.

    A long time ago, it was believed that meeting people to date should be and was a very organic process. There wasn’t a whole lot of strategic thought that went into it. Community and family connections were a meaningful part of the equation. Now, there are dating websites and services that cater to whatever category or group a person might identify with. For many this cuts through some of the modern-day complexities around dating and presents a strategy to speed up the process of meeting their future spouses. A lot of us are using these vehicles to meet new people, but not everyone is finding success. I don’t believe God has a problem with speeding up the process, as long as our desire for partnership is prioritized in the right place.

    Marriage is an institution that God has ordained. In Proverbs 18:22(NKJV), Heavenly Father tells a man that is poised for marriage, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” This puts the standard squarely on blast. A wife is to be a good thing. That must be the benchmark of our faith if we are to do things God’s way.

    Some of us approach it as if things do not have to be done His way, and this is a huge mistake, for the Lord tells us in Proverbs 8:14(NLT), “Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine.” Heavenly Father set the pattern for success, and because of it every successful individual knows that you must have the right attitude and put the work in at the beginning of the process in order to have a good result in the end. If our heads and hearts are not in the right place to begin with, results will be shaky at best. God wants to introduce a whole new chapter in our lives. He wants us to be excited about the possibilities that partnership holds, but we cannot forget that with this new position, there is also a requirement that our relationship with Him and our faith is strengthened. This is the piece that we will often miss.

    In the Old Testament, the wilderness experience of God’s people paints the perfect picture of the wrong mindset when it comes to an expectation of new and greater blessings. They missed the fact that temporary doesn’t mean permanent. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’re praying about, or where you are in the process of working it all out; there is a temporary position, whether brief or prolonged, that we’re going to need to assume. Additionally, there are some things in this temporary phase that will require further development and tweaking. Like a recipe of our favorite dish, when all the ingredients of seasoning and leavening are added, correct measurements must be used and the appropriate baking time is required. We know how delicious the final result will be, but none of the process required for cooking this excellent dish can be skipped.

    After being delivered from slavery under the brutal rule of Pharaoh and the Egyptians, the people of God were in the wilderness, and they stayed there much longer than what baking time normally requires. They would not seek God to the point of strengthening themselves in faith. God didn’t intend for them to remain in the wilderness. It was meant to be a temporary holding position that would allow them to get their heads and hearts in the right faith space to move into the promise. For most of them, that didn’t happen. They became very angry with Moses, their leader, because they wanted the dish without the baking process. As single Christians, this is sometimes our approach.

    We don’t think about the process that is our responsibility to engage and master. We just want the man—the end result, regardless of the risk to our spiritual well-being in Christ. It’s not too much of a stretch to equate being single in today’s time to a wilderness experience. It’s rocky terrain and challenging to navigate, but it’s just temporary.

    Some of us are trying to turn this temporary position of being single into the permanent position of wife without understanding and appreciating the transition we’re endeavoring to make. It’s a spiritual transition, one that requires us to go through the process of strengthening ourselves in faith. Someone once asked me, “What does that look like? What does it look like to strengthen your faith for marriage?” As single women desiring to be wifey, every one of us has something in our hearts this very moment that might be blocking us from the opportunity to cross paths with our husbands. God isn’t withholding the opportunity. We can’t see it because the darkness keeps us blinded from it. This is such a tough thing for most of us to come to grips with, but we must in order to see victory in this area of our lives.

    Through the Holy Spirit that indwells us, we must ask God to reveal what is holding us back, because the answer is part of what it takes to strengthen our faith for marriage. In 2Corinithians 2:11(NLT) The Apostle Paul tells us how crucial it is that we release heavy weights like anger, resentment, pride, jealousy, and other kinds of darkness from our hearts, “So that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.”

    Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33(NLT), “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Faith dictates that we begin to strengthen our believing by seeking God preeminently. To seek God is to be relentless. It’s diligent effort, to the point that our every available moment is used to go before His throne in praise, worship, meditation, study, or contemplation. Talk about a winning strategy, this is it! This is what it looks like to strengthen your faith for marriage. It’s a seasoning, leavening, and baking time upon which you thrust all of your energy, knowing that the end result will indeed be delicious. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “Changing a Temporary Position to Permanent”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Did You Make It Disappear?

    1 John 3:16-17 (MSG)
    “This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love:  Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.  If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.”

    The world is too crazy right now to turn a blind eye. Some maybe asking themselves, “What’s happened to God’s love? Why do we still have so much violence, racial tension, and complex problems throughout the world?” We’re hearing about the constant threat of war, and it’s natural that people want to know the cause of this seemingly unprecedented chaos and suffering around the globe. Even in our own personal lives, there are dilemmas left and right—financial difficulties, unemployment, broken relationships and many other issues that seem to be compounding. Some people are walking around in doubt and fear because they don’t think they have the answers to life anymore. They feel the rug has been yanked from underneath them.

    Although it may feel as though the bottom is falling out, we can be assured that God is on the case. He is allowing us to see what happens when people don’t honor Him as they should, but make no mistake, God is in control. Heavenly Father isn’t like us humans. Even though we’ve committed our lives to Him, we still vacillate in our decisions and behaviors, and we change like the weather; running hot one minute and cold the next. We can be very unpredictable to say the least. God is not like this. Numbers 23:19 (NLT) tells us, “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” God is an unchanging Father, and He loves us unconditionally, despite our wishy-washy ways at times.

    We can best believe that there’s a huge lesson we must learn from what we’re witnessing in the world, and the lesson is for both the unbelieving and those of us that are believers. The major component of it will no doubt be about the love of Christ, and how far we have deviated from it. This is not a new lesson, but the times speak to how critically we’ve ignored it. 1 John 3:16-17 tells us that to know and understand the love of Christ is to ‘live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.’ This is a measuring stick for whether all our dreams and aspirations are in line with God’s Word, because if they are, they will be drenched in a desire to love like Christ.

    1 John 3:16-17 speaks to the reality of God’s awesome and amazing love, and it also confirms the reality that we, you and I, are both the receivers and the conduits of His love. We have the distinct honor and privilege to give out what we have freely received. Most of us underestimate the impact that we can make on the lives of others. We don’t see ourselves as the ambassadors that Jesus Christ has made us, and we limit our outreach. This is an especially significant lesson for those that are praying to meet their future partners.

    It’s an important lesson because God’s love is wonderfully rich, exciting, and infused with His glory. There’s an indescribable luxuriousness to it, but yet, many singles are not enthusiastic about sharing this love with others. It is incredibly difficult for a person to make any progress in their quest for marriage if he or she isn’t confident in the love God has given us to share. Again, we have an obligation to be conduits of God’s love. When it comes to the blessing of marriage, God knows whether we will share His love through the example of Christ, or whether we will repeatedly revert back to habits of our old-man nature. God’s love is an overwhelming reality, but we have to ask ourselves if we are turning a cold shoulder and doing very little to show it forth. Are we making it disappear? Are we covering its light to the point that we are not illuminated in the eyes of the man that is supposed to see it?

    Love is, and forever will be, about what you do. We can tell someone we love them all day long, but it isn’t so much about what we say. There must be some evidence to back up the claim. Our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, showed us how to love God’s way. His sacrifice paid the ultimate price because of his love for us all. He did what we could not do for ourselves. Our privilege and honor is to show our gratitude for what he has done by choosing to love others as he loves us.

    God says that when we have the ability and the means to be of service to someone in need, do so. Please don’t turn your back on them. God is working in you, and His love is made strong through your actions to bless others. Yes, the world is in pretty rough shape, but He tells us in 2Corinthians 12:9 that His grace is sufficient to us, because His strength is made perfect in weakness. Don’t allow the enemy to use the confusion of the world and the severity of these times to trick you out of the light of God’s love. Heavenly Father is the God of Wonderful, the Father of Awesome and Amazing. Never lose the excitement of His love. Let it shine brightly from your heart, and know that He will reward your commitment to live a life of love, sharing, and giving. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “Did You Make It Disappear?” written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • A Peaceful Harvest

    Hebrews 12:11 (NLT), tells us “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” There are times when we become so used to doing things on our own that we don’t think to slow down and ask God if we’re doing it His way. It’s not because we don’t care; we do! Some things slip by us. Either because we haven’t been taught, or we’ve never encountered a situation that forced us to change our approach. Maybe we haven’t had to endure so much pressure that the only way to make it through was to let God lead us every step of the way. Most Christians today haven’t had to endure this kind of pressure, but those living after the ascension of Christ certainly understood it. They knew first hand that sin is the worst enemy, both to Heavenly Father and to us. This is why they endured the discipline of righteous living with conviction. They were being trained for a harvest of unspeakable joy, and this is the same training that God has made available to us.

    God gave us His Word so that we can maximize the most out of this life. And if that wasn’t enough, He gave us His Son so that we could live and have the most abundance that life has to offer. Hebrews 12 is especially impactful for us because it applies the rigors and triumphs of the Christian journey to those involved in a marathon or race. Not just any race, the one ran by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This is the course we all must look to. He finished his race and received the greatest prize that could be received. This is why his race should be our example, motivation, and goal.

    In Hebrews 12, God tells us about the great cloud of witnesses, men and women of tremendous faith who ran the race that He set before them. There are also others in our own families for whom, years ago, life was so difficult and unfair that they had no choice but to lean on their faith in the Lord. If they had not looked to their relationship with God through Christ, some would have been consumed by anger and bitterness, or quite possibly they would have lost their minds. We can’t imagine what it was like to endure all that they faced, and yet they still managed to pass on to us a legacy of faith. It is not a mistake that we should look back on the sufferings of those before us. It puts our light affliction in context, and should cause us to be more submissive under correction from our Heavenly Father.

    The Christian race is meant to be lifelong, but it is not a race without obstacles, turns, twists, and detours. It’s meant to keep us flexible, obedient, and always attentive to the directions and guidance of the Holy Spirit. With our stride steady and face in the wind, most of us become so used to running that sometimes we take this race for granted. We forget that seasons change. There are those seasons in which our spiritual strength is prime, and we experience a robust harvest of supernatural abundance. There are also seasons of quietness, where we know to be still. Then there are seasons where we don’t hear the voice of God the way we used to. This is our first clue that newness is upon us, and something in the way we’re running has to change.

    Proverbs 3:11-12 (NLT) tells us, “11 My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. 12 For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” God is training us to walk in the victory of Christ. He doesn’t want us to miss our blessing. God wants us to have a good life, the very best of everything, but just as a loving parent disciplines their child out of love, God does the same thing for us. He corrects those He loves. Praise Him for His correction! We want the Father to be well pleased with us. This is why we should take the time and space to check in with Heavenly Father for some endurance training.

    It is not always that we’re doing the wrong thing. Sometimes we’re too distracted to notice the change in season. The flowers of blessings may be blooming in a completely different field, but we missed it because we didn’t wait for more directions, and ran right passed it. Recognize that your race must be ran with both patience and endurance. It is God who set it through the Lord Jesus Christ. He’s the Rewarder of our faith, and only by being obedient to Him will we have a peaceful harvest and win the prize. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “A Peaceful Harvest”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • You Are Equipped to Handle the Pressure

    I must admit that when it comes to the younger generation, I have been at times pessimistic; and I know I’m not the only one. I imagine some years ago my grandparents looked at my generation this same way. They couldn’t understand us or what made us tick. We were the ‘ME’ generation of their time; impatient and impetuous they thought. This is multiplied times ten with today’s youth, but there’s also a characteristic that I and many others have overlooked in them. They are fearless, and audacious. They think in ways that older generations haven’t, and God is birthing something magnificent in them for the uplifting of His Kingdom.

    This revelation regarding the youth of today has been in the back of my mind for a while, but when I heard a young Christian believer as she counseled a fellow college student, I was again reminded of it. 2Corinthians 3:12 tells us that because of the hope we have in Christ, we can have confidence and be very bold. This young woman understood this, and I was struck by her faith and the candor of which she spoke. The person she counseled is facing pressure from all directions; family issues at home, trying to keep up with class work, holding down a job, all while trying to provide for his young son. He felt overwhelmed and was about to make a huge mistake because he didn’t think he could handle it all.  Wisdom flowed effortlessly from this young woman as she told him, “You’re a man! God has equipped you to handle much worse pressure than this. You’ve got to gut-up, be strong, and figure things out!”

    I thought to myself, “Wow, I don’t think I was that bold and gutsy when I was her age.” But I was even more impressed with the wisdom and confidence in the Word of God that exuded through her words. This is the kind of brazen faith we must instill not only in our young Christian folks, but also veteran believers who still struggle with believing God in their relationships and the pursuit of marriage.

    Men and women were created to be partners. Each having strengths to compensate the other’s weaknesses or deficits; both working together harmoniously in unity, appreciating and valuing each other to the fullest. This is the union God has ordained. Numbers 23:19 tells us that God isn’t a man, and He does not tell lies. His Word is true, and His promises never fail. Heavenly Father never makes mistakes, and all that He does is perfect. He has anointed and appointed the man to function in a certain way. In many cases, we’ve seen women do what needs to be done and function just fine in the role that we might have believed to be that of a man, but God’s purpose cannot be questioned. It will always and forever boil down to the purpose that He has ordained. Any time that we forget God’s standard, and attempt to circumvent it, there’s going to be a result far less than optimum.

    As single women, particularly those of us that have children, we know pressure; have endured it from all angles and triumphed over it through the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 4:13(NLT) says, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Many of us have renewed our minds to this truth because our life’s circumstances left us with no other choice. We’ve been strengthened by our faith that God has equipped us to press our way through, so why would we expect or accept any less from a man? We shouldn’t. A man is anointed and empowered by God to get things done, to protect and produce for those he loves. If it is apparent that he has chosen not to walk in this anointing, we should view it as a red flag.

    As women of Christ that have maneuvered through lack and loneliness, God has empowered us and helped us to be adept at finding resources and pulling them together. We’ve learned to turn a dollar store item into something that looks like a million bucks. We know how to make the best of a situation because we’ve had to. So when you have the opportunity to witness to a man, or school one that is half-stepping, remind him that He has been anointed and appointed to take care of business.

    The young woman who impressed me could have sugarcoated her counsel. Many of us have done it far too long. Instead, she spoke words seasoned by her faith that God would back up the truth she spoke. There is no such thing as God’s provision failing. There will be pressure, but through Christ, a man is equipped to handle it. If he is truly unselfish in his heart, is braced for sacrifice and hard work, all for the good of someone other than himself, God will open many doors for the man worthy of you. This is good news, and we must proclaim it to brothers every chance that we get. ■

    “You are Equipped to Handle the Pressure” written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Peace of God in Your Relationship

    After twenty-something years of marriage and two children, Sharon decided to divorce after her youngest graduated high school. This was six years ago, and four years later her high school sweetheart got a job at the company where she worked, and they began to date.  Sharon told me that her ex-husband had never stopped hoping that one day they’d find a way to re-unite. Recently, he’s asked her to marry him again.  She said, “He’s a good provider, he’s the father of my children, and my family loves him; but I have feelings for my boyfriend, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve prayed and asked God to help me, because I don’t know what to do.”

    If any of you are thinking like me, you can’t help but appreciate Sharon’s position to some degree. She has two men vying for her affection and attention. Not many of us can make this claim. However, anytime you find discord or confusion, you’ve got to use caution. 1 Corinthians 14:33a(NKJV) tells us so clearly, “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.” God doesn’t initiate, create, or perpetuate confusion. He interjects peace, and Philippians 4:7 tells us that His peace exceeds anything we can understand. It will guard our hearts and minds as we are committed to live in Christ.

    Ambivalence, especially when it comes to relationships, is a sign that we don’t have God’s peace. It is sometimes an emotional and mental indicator that we need to be still, and wait until we can hear clearly from the Lord.  In Sharon’s case, she has forgotten how important it is to have the peace of God in a relationship. Without it, things turn to mush very quickly, and you lose the foundation that once gave the relationship endurance and unity.

    We can always learn from our previous relationships, especially those that are prior marriages. It is a big deal when a marriage falls apart and divorce enters the picture. Nothing is gained from playing the blame game, but it is important to analyze things as much as possible, so that mistakes and missteps are not repeated. Sharon and her ex-husband somehow lost the peace of God in their marriage. They may have looked to find in each other something that can only be found in God.

    We should never expect to receive from another individual something that only God can give. He gives us peace, joy, fulfillment, and so much more. When you learn how to find these spiritual goodies in God through Jesus Christ, you can then enter your relationship as a whole person, as opposed to someone who doesn’t really understand their identity in Christ, and is fragmented and insecure. When you’re in this fragmented state, it will spill over into your relationship. So, the peace of God is most definitely a foundation that must be built in our own hearts and minds, before we can bring it into any other relationship.

    Real and true peace is an inner calmness and contentment that abides because of our faith in God. It’s a joy that we experience despite any difficulty we might be encountering. It isn’t dependent upon any circumstance, but rests solely on our trust in our Heavenly Father through the Lord Jesus Christ.

    When we’ve lost God’s peace in a relationship, it is important for us to examine if we’ve grown to such an extent that we won’t lose it again. God knows our future. He wants only the best for us, and He knows WHO is best for us. Sharon indicated that she has prayed and asked God what to do, but we must also ask ourselves if we are in a position to hear His answer. It is important for us to rest in His peace, because this is when we can hear Him. It’s when we have intentionally drowned out all other noises so we can commune only with God. He is always speaking, and abiding in His peace will allow us to hear, so that we can make good decisions, and nurture our relationships from a place of wholeness, confidence, and strength. ■

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “The Peace of God in Your Relationship”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Your Destiny Depends on It

    In the Old Testament, God called Joshua to take the place of Moses and lead the Israelites to possess the promised land. Other people were living in the land, but God told Joshua to be courageous and to have confidence that the Almighty would back him as he sought to possess it. In Joshua 1:9 (NLT) God said, “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” All of us can well imagine that this was a huge comfort to him. Joshua had probably felt intimidated by the thought of filling Moses’ shoes and wondered how he would measure up. Even so, he didn’t waver and moved according to the promise God had made. As single women, we have made the quest to get married so complicated, but this verse in Joshua 1:9 breaks it down like elementary school. If we are truly aiming to walk in the destiny God has called us to, understanding one central component of this verse will shift our faith in high gear.

    It is very necessary that we draw a comparison between Joshua and the Children of Israel that followed him, and their fore parents who died in the wilderness. Their fore parents did not get the opportunity to live in the Promise Land. God called the Promise Land a land flowing with milk and honey because it was so fertile and rich with possibility. When you look ahead to the life that you envision for yourself, you need to ask yourself if it meets a criterion that is as high quality as the promise that God gave to the Children of Israel. They were not spiritual sons and daughters as we are, yet God promised them an inheritance so profound, it is still in place today. How much more do you think He will do for you?

    Those who followed the hand of God through Moses, were delivered out of bondage from the Egyptians. The Egyptians had been terrible and abusive task masters. Under the leadership of Moses, God’s children saw many miracles, signs, and wonders from Heavenly Father. He parted the Red Sea so they could walk through on dry land. He fed them manna from heaven, and preserved them wonderfully. They received all these amazing blessings, but when ten of the twelve spies brought them a bad report about the land God promised them, they jumped ship. They abandoned their trust in God and opted for fear instead of faith.

    If we examine what we know from God’s Word about their mindset, we can see very clearly that they didn’t have a vision and faith that equaled the promise that God had given them. They became afraid and angry. They even sought to do harm to Moses for bringing them out of Egypt. This is very hard to imagine, but there are very clear similarities between how they saw themselves in relation to God’s promise, and how the single sister desiring marriage sees herself in relation to the destiny God has ordained for her life.

    As you ponder the condition of those who did not get to live in the promised land, notice that the Will of God was not flexible to their unbelief. Those who were not able to raise their sights to believe that God would accomplish for them what seemed impossible were left behind. It wasn’t punishment. It is law, and God never breaks His laws. They didn’t believe, and therefore, they couldn’t receive.

    Those who DID believe the promise had destiny in their view, and this is the component of Joshua 1:9 that ought to shift our faith in high gear. God gave them the command to be strong and courageous. He knew their future, and that they would not waver at His command. He knew that they possessed the mind and heart to take what He had promised. They would not sit about with their hands tucked under their laps. They had to move, and showed themselves ready to receive God’s guidance as they executed one step after another.

    James 2:26 tells us that faith without works is dead. I submit to you that the distance between you and the promise of marriage can be bridged by what you do to back up your faith. You might question whether you know best how to move with due course to this end. God tells us in Psalm 32:8(NLT), “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”  This is God’s Word. He will guide you, just as He guided His people to the Promise Land. He will advise you. He will tell you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. The question you must ask yourself is are you really ready to listen for His instructions and guidance. We demonstrate our readiness to listen to God by silencing all the other noises of doubt, insecurity, and fear. We just tune in to Him, and He does the rest.

    Sometimes the scale of our vision and expectation is too small. I’m not referring to the size of the house you’ll live in, the kind of car you’ll drive, or the amount of money you’ll have in the bank when you get married. I’m referring to the lives that you and your future husband will touch with the Word of God. Envision what you’ll accomplish for the Kingdom and the legacy you’ll leave upon the earth as a result of the love of Christ that flows from your hearts to others. This is why you must be strong and courageous, and let Christ lead you into partnership, because your marriage is integral to the Plan and Will of God, and your destiny depends on it. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Your Destiny Depends on It”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Leftovers Anyone?

    There was only one thing that drove my aunt to fits, and it was seeing a woman completely lose herself over a man. When I was younger, I never understood why it made her so angry. As I got older it was clear to me that she didn’t like the idea of a woman crumbling in vulnerability over someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t love her unconditionally. The notion that a woman would place all her eggs in the basket of a person that couldn’t even take care of his own, let alone someone else’s; this just didn’t make sense to her. She had very little sympathy for anyone that would place herself in this position. It’s possible that seeing this characteristic in another woman forced my aunt to face the pain of her own vulnerability, and this is something all of us must confront if we want to love from a place of strength.

    “She loves hard!” That’s what I heard someone say about a young woman that has recently had her heart broken. There are very few situations in life that hurt more intensely than this, and when we’re in this place of extreme vulnerability, you can best believe that the enemy isn’t going to sleep on it. If we, as women of God, do not stand for the truth, we will fall for anything. Talk about vulnerability, not knowing the truth or the difference between the truth and a lie, is the ultimate position of weakness. Anytime that we are tricked into believing something that isn’t the truth of God’s Word, we’ve given a little piece of ourselves over to darkness.

    In Matthew 6:33, Jesus Christ made it crystal clear that we must seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness preeminently; no ifs, ands, or buts about it. In Matthew 6:24, he tells us exactly why this is demanded. A human being has some baked-in limitations, and one of them is that we cannot produce the same level of adoration, commitment, and reverence for two lords. He said, “for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.”

    It is apparent that the degree of our suffering in heartbreak, and our inability to bounce back better and stronger with ease, gives way to the premise that at least on some level, we’ve tried to squeeze the man in between us and the place reserved for God alone. Psalm 62: 6-7 (NLT) tells us, “He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. 7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.” God is our sufficiency. He’s our refuge. We cannot receive from another human being what we receive from Him. There’s no equal to His love, care, and protection; and our actions and intentions should clarify that we understand the honor and reverence that He is due. So no shade to the sister that loves hard, but she had better make absolutely sure that if she loves the man hard, her love for God better be concrete boulders of epic proportion.

    Keeping it real for Jesus, how would it look for us to try and give God our leftover love? He’s not having it. And if we’ll look at this with greater scrutiny, we might find that, yes, it was an unconscious oversight to give what belongs to God to someone else. However, the end result of doing this is that we will ultimately receive something that mirrors our neglect of honoring Heavenly Father the way that we should.

    With relationships, it can be a delicate balance, but it is one that we had better make sure keeps God in the number one spot. Leftovers after a good meal are fine, but not when it comes to love, commitment, and honor. When you’ve been wounded by the man that you adore, you’re in the unique position of understanding what it feels like to be neglected, taken for granted, and given crumbs in the form of his leftovers. Please, sister-friends, for the sake of your life in Christ, never let it be said that you have attempted to treat God in the same way.■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    “Leftovers Anyone?” written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Reflection of Your Heart

    The Word of God teaches us how to live in such a way that we keep His blessings flowing in our lives. It is critical that the single Christian woman believes this, because one of the major setbacks in a Christian’s life is that after a while, our senses become dull and we grow less and less teachable. We begin to entertain people and situations that are designed to interrupt God’s plan for our lives. Proverbs 15:10 (NLT) deals with an unteachable person in a very straightforward way. It warns, “Whoever abandons the right path will be severely disciplined; whoever hates correction will die.” This verse reinforces the importance of humility in our walks in Christ, and that we should learn to greatly value God’s correction.

    Proverbs 15:10 is God’s warning to those who, like people living in Old Testament times, had been on the Christian journey a while. They thought they knew all the answers, and refused to be corrected by the wisdom of His Word. They were inflexible, and inflexibility is a sign of a hardened heart.

    Our Heavenly Father has placed His Spirit in the inner sanctum of our beings. He’s with us every moment of every day. He has an inside view of our propensity to become so accustomed to our routines that we don’t want to break out of them. We start to take things for granted, and we bring this into our relationships with God. We turn a blind eye to what the Spirit is revealing.

    This is what happens in some of our marriages as well. We forget the sting of loneliness and what it was like to want to be married but not have the right person in our lives. After a few years of seeing our spouses every day, couples will take each other for granted and forget how special it is to have one another. It takes a certain level of consciousness to make ourselves remember to honor the person who loves us most. If we’re not the type of person who practices mindfulness, of being aware of what it takes to make a person feel supported and valued, then this is something we absolutely must learn.

    Our relationship with God will cast a reflection on the relationship with our spouses. Are we acknowledging God’s gifts? How are we demonstrating our appreciation for His love? Are we taking His grace and mercy for granted? Our intimacy with Heavenly Father should be stronger and more fulfilling than any other relationship. Our friendship with the Holy Spirit should be one of seeking his council, leadership, and guidance in every decision and choice that we make. We must be so in love with Jesus that the reflection of our hearts illuminates the lives of our husbands.

    Proverbs 21:2 (NLT) says, “People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.” I’ve spoken with many single women that are very impatient with the process of spiritually preparing to marry. They feel that they’re ready to take that walk down the aisle, but there is so much more to learn from God about being the kind of wife He desires them to be. Heavenly Father just wants the best for us. He sees our hearts. He wants our marriages to be a reflection of His love, and He knows where we need to be strengthened so that our relationships are fulfilling and will last.

    When it comes to your desire for marriage, ask yourself if you are really allowing God to lead you through the person of the Holy Spirit. Have you given Holy Spirit a place in your life? Because if you make a commitment to honor him, to communicate with him, and allow him to take control of your decisions and choices, he will always guide you on the path to God’s love, joy, and purpose. Be sure to give the Holy Spirit room in your life. Let him take control of your quest to be married, so that your heart will reflect the quality of God’s love that you will both give and receive.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Reflection of Your Heart”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Learning to Pace Yourself

    A good friend of mine met a man through another mutual friend. They engaged in a little small talk, exchanged numbers, and he said that he would call her in a couple of days when he was back in town. True to his word, he phoned. They had a few really nice conversations and planned a date. Prior to the date, my friend said to me, “I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a stalker that calls all the time!” I found this to be a strange comment for her to make, because he had not given her any reason to suspect that he was anything of the sort. He had simply held to his word, and that’s a really admirable quality, but she immediately dismissed it and went straight for the negative.

    Rather than allowing this man to get comfortable with occupying the space of acquaintance or friendship, my friend tried to peg him as a possible marital partner, and began stacking him against her list of criteria. Not only had she jumped to conclusions before getting to know who he is, but she was already piling on the baggage from her previous relationships. “…And if he has more than two kids under the age of 18, I’ll entertain only one date, and that’s it!” she said.

    Galatians 5:6(NLT) tells us, “For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or being uncircumcised. What is important is faith expressing itself in love.” Faith has requirements, and they do not let up, but increase as we get closer and closer to the fulfillment of God’s promises. So imagine if you begin a new friendship by wrapping it in fear from day one. It will take incredible energy to reroute it from that point.

    Single Christians are to occupy their time getting tight in their relationships with God, and becoming spiritually sharp. We are poised to be the greatest examples of Christ, because of the amount of alone time we get to spend with him before we get married. In turn, he teaches us how to express our faith through his love. Some of us just haven’t given Christ the reigns in this area of our lives. We rush to occupy our time with other things, and this gives the enemy the opportunity to sabotage our efforts to partner.

    Learning to pace ourselves is very important, not only when it comes to meeting someone new, but also in giving ourselves time to make good decisions for our own hearts. God has given us the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit to help us maintain a healthy pace. He knows how to lead and guide us, and he will also keep us out of danger. So rather than jumping to conclusions, and letting negative baggage from the past ruin our futures, we can choose to demonstrate spiritual maturity. Having faith in God’s positioning is the best way to be loving and kind to yourself. You don’t have to rush anything. You can simply enjoy meeting new people and being a blessing to them.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Learning to Pace Yourself” written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!