Find A Christian Man

Author: findchristianman

  • Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal

    God doesn’t cause the problems that tear relationships apart. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us that He is not the author of confusion, but of peace. He wants us to be happy in our relationships, and this is why He has set His very own standard for the way we should care for and support one another in a marriage. In His Word, Heavenly Father tells us that the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the woman should honor her husband out of her love for Christ. This is God’s standard. It guarantees to preserve a marriage through any challenges. So, neither God or His Word has failed us in any respect, but all of us must admit that we don’t always hold to His standard of love in our marriages and relationships. For this, we need to seek God’s forgiveness.

    God’s heart is not for us to wallow in self-condemnation. We ask for forgiveness because it demonstrates our humility and desire to put God first; and to recognize that His Word cannot fail. Forgiveness puts us in right standing, and it opens us to receive more of God’s instruction in righteousness as we are spiritually strengthen through His love.

    The standard of love that God has set is personified in Christ. We are the bride of Christ, and he is our bridegroom. He loves us so much, and his passion is to care for us and support us in every way. We make mistakes and we get hurt, but even in the middle of our disappointment, we must remember that we are the light of Christ. The pain we may experience feels very dark and heavy, but we will overcome it through the power of the Holy Spirit that indwells us.

    A woman said to me that when first dating her husband, something on the inside of her felt wrong every time they met, but he treated her so well. She fell in love with him a few years ago, and they were married. He has betrayed the marriage through infidelity, and she feels that she is now experiencing such loss because she ignored her instincts. The truth is that most of us are willing to take such risks on love because deep down we know that when love is right it’s totally worth it. We shouldn’t condemn ourselves for taking the leap. We should, however, put ourselves in the arms of the Father and ask Him to teach us how to better guard our hearts, so that we’re in a prime position to both give and receive love His way.

    If you have been betrayed by your husband or the person you love, know that you are more than a conqueror through Christ. You will overcome through his strength. We know that we will experience tribulations in life, but God has told us to persist and endure through them. We might get knocked down, but we get back up. God is developing in each of us a posture that helps us run this race with endurance, always looking ahead to victory in Christ and never looking back; no matter how bad or hurtful things may appear. Our hope, our confidence, must always be in Christ.

    The bottom line is that in whatever form it is that we are broken, and no matter how it is that we have come to be that way, God will heal us. We will breakthrough our storms, tribulations, and wilderness experiences through Christ, our Lord. And one day, we will come to see that God’s deliverance has given us greater authority in Christ, and through it we will help someone else come into healing, just as we have.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal”, written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Go for the Gusto and Don’t Lose Steam!

    It truly is a discerning time—a time to get pumped and motivated to do some things differently. Numbers too great to count are those who still find themselves without a good man to call their own. This isn’t God’s Will, and it is so wonderful that many sisters in Christ are coming to this realization. You recognize that you do not have to sit idly by, paralyzed by doubt. You can mobilize the resources that God has extended to change the outcomes of your life. This is good news indeed.

    For many single women, it may seem that you’ve experienced this level of motivation and excitement before, and it appears to you that nothing was accomplished. This isn’t true. Whether or not you acknowledge it, you moved yourself closer to what God has promised.

    If we will be completely honest with ourselves, we have to admit that for a brief period we determined to go for the gusto, but then, when things did not turn around as quickly and clearly as we had hoped, we lost steam.

    Gusto is defined as great enjoyment, energy, and enthusiasm. All three of these, enjoyment, energy, and enthusiasm, are jewels. They are invaluable when it comes to holding our desires in our minds and hearts with faith and focus. Losing steam is exactly the opposite. It is a state of mind that is down, droopy, and doubtful. Unfortunately, this is where a lot of single Christian sisters end up. They spend just a short amount of time with gusto, and then quickly become deflated and unhopeful when there isn’t an immediate outcome of their efforts.

    To keep hope alive and gusto charging with full steam ahead, one of the most important transformations we must engage is a change in our expectations. God tells us in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. This isn’t something we do once and then stop. It isn’t something we do for a short while, and then give up. Renewing is a perpetual process. It never stops. The sheer nature of the word ‘renewal’ demands that we recognize the things that are no longer working for us. Then we change them and institute things that the Word of God guarantees will work for us.

    If we’ve hit a snag, stall, or wall, the misfire is clue#1 that renewal is in order. This realization is truly necessary when we seek to change our expectations. We have to understand that what used to work for us is no longer doing the trick, or it could be that things we thought were working actually didn’t work at all. Whatever the case, we need to be clear that renewing means we’re willing to go back to square one and throw out what didn’t work. Then we need to reassess, reprioritize, and begin to rebuild. This allows us to realign our expectations in a way that places Jesus Christ at the helm.

    The reality is that it took time for us to get to where we are today in our walk with Christ and in our lives overall. And it will take time to give our faith the processing time it needs to yield different results—results that are within the wonderful destiny that God has predetermined for our lives.

    Again, going for the gusto means that enjoyment, energy, and enthusiasm are top notch in your mental and emotional state. It means understanding that you can’t sink to the bottom rails of sadness, apathy, and doubt. You are the master builder of your life. God didn’t give any of us the power and authority to rule over another human being. He gave us power and authority through Jesus Christ to rule and reign in our own lives. If you are a mentally healthy individual, you can decide what you are going to think, feel, do, and say. You can effectively change your thoughts and feelings to receive exponentially successful results. Know that this is not only doable; it’s your destiny to work this out through the power of the Holy Spirit!

    Once you decide that this is the time for you to go for it, recognize that faith does not respond to a whim or a quick notion. Faith responds to the authority of Jesus Christ. This means that your heart and mind must be fully persuaded in the goodness of God. This full persuasion is the thing that causes you to be happy in the face of setbacks and adversity. Being fully persuaded is the thing that causes you to have warm flutters of optimism in your spirit, because you know beyond knowing that God is going to back His promises in your life.

    Hosea 14:9 (NLT) tells us, “Who is wise? Let them realize these things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.” When you recognize that this is a discerning time in your life, and that it’s time to go for the gusto, understand that you have the great privilege to measure up to the standard of Christ by matching your emotions and thoughts to the emotions and thoughts of the Holy Spirit that indwells you. When you do this, gusto is achieved, steam will continually flow, and the locomotive of your faith will be in full effect. Never lose heart. You can have what God says you can have! Keep the faith!■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Go for the Gusto and Don’t Lose Steam!”, written for findchristianman.com ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Small Things Matter

    As we mature in Christ, we will notice certain correlations or parallels in our journeys forward. One of those involves our level of fulfillment and satisfaction in life. It will match our confidence level regarding our own ability to impact the Kingdom of God. 1Peter 4:10-11 (NLT) tells us, “10 God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. 11 Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever!” Some of us feel a little insecure in this area, and we really do need to get this one under our belts before we embark upon marriage.

    A good place to start is to think about what you feel are your best qualities. Consider what makes you unique and special. The qualities that you are willing to cosign on your own behalf are also ones that will lead you down a more purpose-driven path. We will often make things more complicated than they need to be. Jesus Christ told us in Matthew 11:30 that his yoke is easy and his burden is light, but we still make the reality of walking in our purposes such a difficult thing. God never intended it to be.

    Romans 12:6 (NLT) tells us, “In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.” God created us, and predestined us according to the purposes of His own Will. He’s not slack in any way, and never misses a beat, so we can have confidence that we are uniquely specialized to carry forth something He has ordained. He made sure that we were born with everything we need to be a blessing and to influence and impact those we know and love for His Kingdom.

    A while ago, when my schedule was a little lighter, I’d stay up late watching cooking shows on TV.  Featured desserts were my favorite. I grew up around women that could sho’nuff burn in the kitchen. They didn’t need recipes. A pinch here, a sprinkle there; a cup of this, a teaspoon of that, and a masterpiece of southern cuisine was born. I never thought much about baking then, I was too busy enjoying the fruit of my kinfolk’s labor. My aunt’s pound cake would literally melt in your mouth, and I just always assumed the skill was beyond me, but one day something happened. My interest in those television shows had caught me by surprise, and I decided to give baking a try. Homemade Chocolate Chip cookies, Caramel Cake from scratch, you name it, I tried it.

    At first, my sweets were not such a treat, but after a while, I got the hang of it. “You put ya’ foot in this, girl!”  My family and friends often say after eating my homespun yummies from scratch. I’ll go through periods where I don’t bake, but something within me will say, “It’s time to get to it again.” The habit pattern of baking is now ingrained in my life because I’ve chosen to give in this way. Single or married, I’m committed to do it because it is one of the ways I endeavor to be a blessing. At one time I thought, “Father, being a blessing can’t be as simple as giving folks desserts.” But indeed it is. The Spirit reminds me constantly that I should never overlook the small or simple things, because they mean so much to others.

    Heaven rejoices when we honor God with actions to be a blessing. When we do things well and use whatever we’ve been given to bless folks, God receives the praise. This is why we can never hide what He has given us. A hunch or a casual interest can be expanded to an extremely important opportunity that positions us to live greater for God. So build your confidence in your gifts, talents, and abilities; use them for God’s glory, and watch how He causes them to greatly increase your fulfillment and satisfaction in life!

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Small Things Matter!” written for findchristianman.com/blog/©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • If You Know Your Worth, He Should To

    Call me old fashion, but I still truly believe in the courtship between a man and a woman. I’m vested in the ideal that a man is supposed to take the necessary steps to demonstrate to a woman, beyond a shadow of doubt, that he has more than a casual interest. And then the woman should be fully prepared to either accept his advances towards getting to know her better, or politely let him know that she’s not the woman for him. I understand that many women no longer think of relationships in this way but believe that they should pursue a man to the degree that men used to pursue women. At the end of the day, people will do what they want to do, but we have to ask ourselves as women if we’ve lost something far more valuable by compromising God’s standard in this area.

    I think we have. Self-worth isn’t something you can cultivate or advance by being assertive towards men. When we truly value ourselves, the right man will respond, and he’ll respond by doing everything in his power to be next to us. You can’t put a price on this. It’s golden, and it’s the way God set things up.

    In Matthew 16: 19 (NLT), Jesus Christ said, “And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven.  Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” Take a moment and imagine how God’s Kingdom works. There is no struggle, no striving, and no drama. Everything there runs off of faith in God. No one has a need of which Heavenly Father does not attend to before they recognize the need. Angelic beings are constantly singing God’s praises, because they know that there isn’t an activity more wonderful than praising Heavenly Father. Heaven is a place more extraordinary than our imaginations can hold, and Jesus Christ has given us the keys to its Kingdom.

    The keys are no good to the dead. They can’t use them, but we’re living, and we can use the keys to tap into heaven’s resources in a dynamically spiritual way. Our Lord and Savior is schooling us on what happens when we set our minds and hearts in accordance with God’s Will. We’re unstoppable when we know who we are in Christ, and we begin to act like the ambassadors that he has made us.

    When we begin to make our relationships with God a priority by meditating on His Word daily, praying more, and learning to be led by the Spirit, we will grow and mature spiritually. Growth in the Spirit means that we rely on his inner resources more than we do the outer resources of the world.

    If we’re keeping it real, many of us choose the way of modern convenience because we think it is more expedient than growing in the spirit. We can whip out our cell phones, send a text or an email, and start an online relationship in less time than it takes to shower. We’d rather do this than to work on our souls. We lack the patience required to fast, pray, and meditate on God’s goodness; we don’t want to wait until He activates that part of us in the Spirit that causes us to step in alignment with the flow of the blessings we seek.

    There’s something about watching two people take vows before all of their family and friends, to love each other and spend the rest of their lives together; through good times and bad times. It’s just a beautiful thing to see, but too often we’re watching the union take place and then seeing it fall apart a year later. What can we learn from this? One of the things we learn is that in the end, we will not lose out by letting Jesus Christ have the steering wheel in this area of our lives. We don’t need to forgo our strength in the Lord out of a fleshly need or desire for comfort and pleasure. Know your worth, and let the Lord demonstrate it to you through a good man that is more than willing to pursue you as his future wife.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “If You Know Your Worth, He Should To” written for FACM, findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • When You Know Better, You Do Better



    Ephesians 1:17-23(NLT)
    17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

    Most of us have heard the saying, “when you know better, you do better.” After reading the passage of scripture in Ephesians 1, it’s very clear that Heavenly Father wants us to know better. He wants the eyes of our understanding to be wide open to all the rich spiritual blessings that He has given us. So the saying “when you know better, you do better” should be changed to “when you know God better, you do better.”

    In the first verse of the passage above, the feeling of longing for intimacy that God expressed through the Apostle Paul is palpable. Like many of us today, during the time of the early church, there were some areas of the faith that the people of God understood very well; but there were other areas—important areas—that they weren’t grasping. God knew that in order for them to see the greater revelation of His goodness and blessings, they needed to be enlightened. So Paul was praying that they received the supernatural anointing of the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that they would recognize the bigness of God.

    Our capacity to operate through, by, and in the Holy Spirit is in proportion to the knowledge of God that we have in our arsenal. When I think of what it means to have power, I think of someone that is unstoppable, someone that has the ability to master anything and everything they put their hands on. This is God’s intention for us. The passage above tells us He desires that our eyes are open to know the hope of our calling in the Lord Jesus Christ, so that we can operate with love just as Christ did.

    The hope of our calling is no joke. The hope of it alone is super fantastic, imagine how tremendous the manifestation of it can be.

    Verse 19 tells us that the riches of the inheritance we have received as God’s holy people includes access to His incomparably great power. He has made it available for us to walk in HIS power through the Holy Spirit that indwells us. If it were only human power that we are working with, then we’d have incredible limitations, but this is not the case. God has provided through the Holy Spirit access to His unlimited power. What could be better than that?!!!!!

    God has given these extraordinary gifts to us through His beautiful and powerful Son, Jesus Christ. It is because of Jesus that we have received this inheritance of spiritual abundance. God has placed every single thing under the feet of Jesus and appointed him as the head of the church. We’re the body, we’re the church. We are complete in Christ! We don’t lack anything.

    This is who we are!!! As God’s children we are filled to capacity with the love and power of Jesus Christ. The only thing that stops most of us is that we don’t see it or we do not believe it enough to walk in it. God wants us to take Him at His Word. Can you imagine how much further in life we’d be, how many more people whose lives we would impact if we were fully persuaded that we are who God says we are?

    God wants us to be activated in the power of the Holy Spirit, because studying God’s Word and learning to walk in the Spirit with the mind of Christ is necessary to stay close to Heavenly Father. And not only this, knowing that we have access to God’s power gives us the confidence we need to love, help, and minister to others. We need to be convinced of the magnitude of God’s limitless and unconditional love, so that we can be confident enough to walk in our inheritance. Our goal should be to become the person that God has destined us to be. When this is our motivation, we’ll do better than we ever imagined.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “When You Know Better, You Do Better”, written for findchristianman.com ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Was That Really You Lord?

    “Was that really You Lord?” is one of those questions that I believe God is very use to His kids asking Him. This is especially true after we’ve made a decision that we thought was on point with the Lord, but the results speak another story entirely. Parents can identify with this. Your child does something that is totally off the wall and ends up making a huge mess of things. After being confronted they immediately give you the line, “but I thought you said I could!!!” This is the go-to they use to try and get themselves off the hook.

    Authority is key. We consider the word of the one on whose authority we depend as bond. This is the rack we hang our hats on. For children, parents are the preeminent authority figure, but sometimes, children will try to play the sneaky card. They do things of which they know the parent would not approve, and will try to manipulate their parent’s authority. They do so by saying they somehow perceived permission, when permission was never given. No new tricks under the sun; this one is classic.

    Instinctively we know that if permission is given, the outcome is not entirely one in which we will bear total responsibility. Part of the outcome can be attributed to the one in authority; the one on whose permission we rested our foray into the unknown. The reasoning behind this is: “It’s not totally my fault if I took a risk, and it didn’t pan out. I did it because I received permission, and I equated permission from my authority figure to the promise of a safe and positive outcome.” This is the kind of mentality we bring into our relationship with God at times. But we must be careful, because sometimes we attribute signs from the devil as God’s greenlight.

    Hebrews 4:11-13(NLT) says, “11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. 

    12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

    As a people who really and truly love God, we need to know that He has provided a way for us enter into rest. Rest is a state of being where there isn’t any chaos; there’s no indifference or struggle. There is a peace that comes with the rest that God provides. This is His goal for us. He tells us that we can’t get to this place of peaceful rest through disobedience. It can only be accessed through obedience.

    Heavenly Father goes on to tell us in Hebrew 4:11 that His Word is alive! It’s not asleep, so there can be no ifs, ands, and buts about the doctrine, instructions, and corrections that His Word provides.  God’s Word is perfect and definitive. When it comes to the whopper conundrums that we sometimes end up with, make no mistake about it, there are instances when we genuinely believe that we’ve heard from God. We believe that He’s given us a green light to proceed. Then, we end up making one of the biggest mistakes of our lives.

    “Was that really you Lord? Didn’t You tell me he was the one? Didn’t You tell me it was okay to marry this man? Why am I now facing this awful situation? I thought You told me that I could proceed and You would make sure that I’d be blessed?” Our Heavenly Father knows the decisions we will make even before we make them. Not only does He know them, but He already has seen the outcome.  In truth, when we leap into making decisions, thinking that God has given us the green light and things don’t end up being the absolute best for us, we should then realize a few things. Chief among them is how much we may have compromised ourselves through impatience. We didn’t give ourselves time to really find out God’s agenda for our lives.

    The Word of God is sharper than any sword because it cuts through the confusion we enter into when we don’t know what to do or which way to turn. This is why we must study His Word. As we get into God’s Word, we can receive wisdom from other sources as well, and these sources will also back up the Word we’ve received. Sometimes through a close friend, family member or even a co-worker, God can help to zap us into consciousness. Some of us begin to recognize the help, but others of us remain asleep and refuse to wake up about what we’re doing. We have a habit of intentionally avoiding what we know is right because we want something on the double.

    Discernment takes wisdom and through wisdom we should know that if we are committed to a life of obedience, God is willing and able to keep our feet from falling in any situation. We are never the worse for being patient. And even when we make the mistake of impatience…when our hearts may get a little bruised from time to time, we’re still in the game of living and learning; and this is always a blessing we should never take for granted.

    So always remember that nothing is ever hidden from God’s sight, and everything with Him is uncovered and laid bare before Him. He will not make decisions for us. We can’t ask God to make guarantees that are already provided through obedience to His Word. Hebrews 4:13 tells us that we are the ones that must give account of our actions. He has made it very plain that He doesn’t keep from us the information we need to hear. He’s told us that His Word is alive and active. Therefore, following His Word will always lead us down the right path, and His Word will never lead us astray. So let’s be very real about this one, because it’s never about whether or not He’s spoken to us. It is always about our willingness to have patience, study, to listen and obey.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Was That Really You Lord?” written for findchristianman.com© 2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  

  • You’re All in, But Him, Not So Much

    Gifts of expensive jewelry, bouquets of beautiful flowers, and dinners at nice restaurants; these are the tangible things that a lot of us associate with a man who is really interested in the woman he’s seeing. Keeping it real, these things can’t hurt, but the true foundation of the relationship is actually how a man interacts with you. The ‘umph’ in a relationship is when both partners are validating each other’s thoughts and feelings. In other words, it’s when he lets you know undeniably, that you are the woman he honors above all others.

    Of course, we should never make any person our all in all. Only God deserves this place in our lives, but Heavenly Father wants every woman to experience what it feels like to be genuinely valued and appreciated supremely. The man that chooses her as the object of his affection has the distinct responsibility to validate her in this way, and she has the responsibility for doing the same for him.

    Relationships lasts when both people are mutual in their degree of willingness to share and interact with each other while having a goal of increasing their love and support in mind. If you’re all in, and the other person isn’t quite there yet, you’re probably not going to receive the validation you need, and you shouldn’t settle for this.

    God said in Jeremiah 29:11(NLT), “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Heavenly Father has your back. He has a plan for you, and it is a good one. God only wants what’s best for us, and He knows what it will take to bless us. We can trust Him to take care of our needs, and we can know resolutely that He would not have us picking up crumbs on the floor when He has prepared a feast at the table.

    Be firm in your conviction to receive quality love, but also measure it against the love and support you’re willing to extend yourself. Recognize when you just don’t do it for the other person. Let him go in grace while you do the same. His refusal to be all in is a sure indication that he’s not yet capable of recognizing the jewel that is ‘you’. This isn’t a bad thing at all. You want someone who appreciates you and knows the importance of validating it in a loving and Godly way. So always remember that God wants the best for you and continue walking in faith until you receive it.

    Written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Increasing Your Capacity to Love

    “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:19 (NLT)

    I once worked for a man that most viewed as the ornery type. He was even called ‘Grinch’ because of his grisly voice and his somewhat grumpy outlook on life. After his first marriage ended, he declared that he’d never again get married. His previous wife had been unfaithful, and he didn’t feel he could allow himself to be so trusting again. This was until years later, when he met and married his current wife. Over time, we’ve kept up with each other, and I never dreamed his life would take such a turn. He’s been on quite the journey, and honestly, I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone that is willing to be as transparent about his life as he has been. He’s shared his ups and downs with me, and he has made a monumental impact on my life, as well as many others.

    After being married for only one year, his wife was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). He made the decision to retire early so that they could enjoy as much time together as possible before this debilitating disease altered their lives. So, for the last several months he’s chronicled their everyday struggles with his closest friends. It gives him an avenue to vent, share, and give us an up close and personal view of what they go through.

    He calls their everyday struggles of adjustment, “the new normal”. His beloved wife has now lost most of her mobility. They were avid boaters, but have recently sold their boat because she is no longer able to climb on to it. Assisted walking, wheelchairs, long drives out of state to doctor visits are just a few of the new normal practices that consist of a typical day for them.

    There are a chorus of women singing the sad song of ‘not enough good men’, but it’s a tune I just can’t catch, especially after seeing this man’s commitment to care for his wife. I’ve gained immeasurable perspective from my ex-boss’s journey. I believe that if this kind of commitment and adoration can exist in the heart of a man who doesn’t openly profess the Lord, imagine the possibility of loyalty and love from one who does.

    He has given me an up-close and personal reminder of how love from a man should look, and what it should represent. In the case of many Christian singles looking to partner, often this is what is missing. It’s the connection between the love of Christ and the action, patience, and commitment it takes to carry it through. It’s a love that endures countless sleepless nights, and days filled with both agony and joy, all for the care of someone other than ourselves. It’s a selflessness that knows no bounds.

    Not only are we, as children of God, capable of exhibiting this kind of love, but we are commanded to demonstrate it to each other. Jesus Christ told us in John 15:12(NLT), “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.” This is the capacity that God is cultivating and increasing within us through the indwelling Holy Spirit. He’s teaching us to love with the humility, endurance, and faithfulness of Christ.

    God has told us through the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 3:16 that we need to pray to be empowered by the Holy Spirit with the strength to love this way. When we do, Ephesians 3:17 (NLT) says, “Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” When we are so focused on the love we don’t have, and we begin to speak words of lack, we are communicating that we do not believe in God’s provision. This is not good ground, and our roots cannot grow in it. Jesus Christ came so that we could have a life of abundance. Everything that we could ever need, he provided access to it. Faith and trust in this truth is the ground we need, and it is the only ground that will produce the harvest we’ve been praying to receive.

    I’m not sure that my ex-boss knows the scripture as well as many of us do, but he made a very conscious decision that changed the course of his life. He chose to leave his past doubts and reservations behind, in an effort to love and care deeply for someone new. Instead of focusing on what he didn’t have, he chose to focus on the love that he could give. And I’m sure even he is surprised by the capacity and level of love he has demonstrated.

    Ephesians 3:18 (NLT) says, “And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” It is so very important for each of us to understand that the love of Christ within us is limitless. It is more than enough for any circumstance, at any time. I will hear women say about a man that doesn’t meet their long list of ‘must haves’, “He’s nice, but I could never love him.”  Heavenly Father wants us to be beyond this kind of thinking, because the person that will bring to us the greatest joy will also bring the greatest challenge, and the unconditional love of God must be cultivated in our hearts in order to handle it. So while we’re yet single, we should strive to understand God’s love daily, and pray that He will empower us to know, live, and grow in the love of Christ. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Increasing Your Capacity to Love” written for FACM, findchristianman.com ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • It’s Just So Unfair!

    James 3:17 (NLT) “17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.”

    “I just can’t go to another wedding! My last single girlfriend just snagged a good man, and I don’t understand it. She hasn’t been on this Christian journey as long as I have, and I don’t think she’s as dedicated as I am. To make matters worse, she’s on her second go around, and I’ve never had a ring on my finger! It just doesn’t seem fair. Where am I going wrong?” This summarizes the sentiments of many sister-friends that are very frustrated. They’ve been single longer than they’d like and don’t understand why things are not working out for them.

    God provides for us a sure Word, a Word that we can count on no matter what, because God’s Word will never fail or falter. We can stand upon it and it will never let us down. In James 3:17, He tells us that His wisdom is pure. It is unadulterated. So when we see things that look to us to be unfair, we can rest assured that they may look that way, but God’s way is perfect.

    It is when we allow ourselves to indulge this sense that we are being wronged or unfairly treated in life that we make huge errors. The first mistake is forgetting that God’s wisdom is unfailing, and the second is neglecting that it does not show favoritism. This train of thought gains traction from our emotional responses, and once it does, it then has the power to affect our outcomes.

    God has told us to renew our minds for a reason, and one of those reasons is because the way we think plays a huge role in the amount of peace, abundance, and fulfillment we experience in life. Without putting ourselves in check, we begin to move in reverse and attract the exact opposite of the blessings we desire.

    The blessing of marriage is a spiritually forward, progressive, and higher level reality. Therefore, it stands to reason that it will require a spiritually forward, progressive, and higher level mentality and emotionality to build capacity for it. We can’t get there by indulging negativity and letting bottom feeding thoughts and emotions drag us beneath the realm of Godliness.  You can only get a higher functioning mind-and-heart set from trusting, knowing, and feeding upon God’s Word.  

    James 1:5 (NLT) tells us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” The same energy that we waste by thinking and reacting to doubt, we can reroute towards having faith in the generosity of God. Transitioning from single to married takes decisive steps, just like any other thing that we seek to do in life. If you’re doing something that you shouldn’t be doing, or you’re not doing what you should be doing, and you’re not quite certain where you’re veering off the path, ask our generous God if you can’t figure it out. He won’t be mad about it. Through the Holy Spirit, He’ll tell you exactly what you need to do in order to receive the blessing you so earnestly desire. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “It’s Just So Unfair!”, written for Findingchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Choose Love

    Deuteronomy 11:26-28 (NLT) “Look, today I am giving you the choice between a blessing and a curse! 27 You will be blessed if you obey the commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today. 28 But you will be cursed if you reject the commands of the Lord your God and turn away from him and worship gods you have not known before.”

    In Deuteronomy 11:26-28 (NLT), Moses warned the Children of Israel to be careful to obey the commands God had given them. If you think of all the miraculous signs and wonders by the hand of God they had seen, it is hard to imagine why the Israelites would need to be warned. God had given them specific commandments, and it should have been enough for them to simply hear and obey, but that wasn’t the case. Repeatedly, God reminded them of His delivering power, because they would not listen to or heed His instructions.

    The Children of Israel had a choice. They could choose to love the Lord their God by walking in His ways and holding tightly to Him, or they could allow their hearts to be deceived, and worship other idol gods. This is a no-brainer, but throughout biblical history, we see God’s people deviating time after time from what they knew to be true.

    As sisters desiring marriage, many of us will abdicate our responsibility to God and fall into disobedience. We know what God’s Word says, but we will place the man’s desire for pleasure over God’s desire for us to honor our temples.

    “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Mark 12:30(NLT)

    God didn’t want robots. He wanted a family. He wanted children that would love Him because they chose to, not because they had to. Love is a decision. We make the choice as to whether we will walk in God’s love through obedience to His Word and be blessed, or whether we will love the world and forfeit the destiny God has given us.

    A cursed life is one that exists when a person chooses to be blinded from the truth. Jesus Christ told us in John 14:6 that he is the way, the truth, and the life. The world has refused him; therefore, the world has refused the truth.

    We don’t need to do anything but look at the news to see how foolish and perilous the world has become as a result of refusing to accept Jesus Christ. It is riddled with fear, lust, envy, jealousy and pain, all symptoms of a cursed life. This is what a life looks like without the foundation of God’s love. As believers, we must choose to obey God’s Word. Let’s make a greater commitment to stand upon it. It isn’t burdensome. It’s a choice to more fully love God, and to love others His way.

    “Choose Love” written for FindChristianMan.com©2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.