Find A Christian Man

Author: findchristianman

  • Put Your Words on A Diet

    Put Your Words on A Diet

    John 1:1 tells us that in the beginning was the Word of God, and we know from Genesis that Heavenly Father literally spoke things into existence. This gives us some indication of how incredibly potent words can be. Our mouths are no play thing, for with them confessions are made. When we first came to Christ, God accepted us based on the earnest confession of our mouths. We had to ask for forgiveness and confess Jesus Christ as the Lord of our lives before we could be saved from a life of sin and death. The words we spoke had eternal consequences. That’s mind blowing! The light was switched on in our consciousness as our spirits were born-again and awakened to newness. All of this occurred by speaking forth words from the most earnest place in our hearts. There can be no doubt that God placed an incredible power in our tongues, and it is our responsibility to ensure that the quality and the quantity of our words is just right.

    Proverbs 18:20 (NLT) tells us, “Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.” There is so much power in the words we choose, and even more so in how we use them. When it comes to the life we have before us, some of us are dissatisfied. And it is either that we haven’t used enough of the right words, or we’ve used too many of the wrong ones. Many people have a problem with accepting this level of accountability, but that has no bearing whatsoever on the truth of this. Our confessions, the words we speak, have tremendous impact on not only the life we have, but they lay the ground work for the future to come.

    Proverbs 18:21 affirms that death and life are in the power of the tongue. When you allow yourself to take in the full breath of this truth, you begin to truly understand what it is to be a spiritual being. God has equipped us through our physicality and spirituality with an instrument of power. We can actually create an internal blueprint of intangible, intellectual reasoning called thoughts. We conjure up emotions to support those thoughts, and then through the physical manipulation of our vocal chords, we deliver tangible evidence of our thoughts externally through the apparatus of our tongues. That’s absolutely amazing! Let no one tell you differently, we were magnificently created and designed by The Almighty.

    So now we have before us the elements of a worthy and intelligent question. It is this, when it comes to our quests to be married, could it be that our thoughts and words have given our faith indigestion?

    If this is the case, then the only logical choice is to put our words on a diet. We need to cut out the saltiness and season them wisely, because God’s Word tells us that wise words satisfy like a good meal.

    This feeling of being satisfied with the fullness of life is the destiny of every single Christian woman that desires to be married. It is also the privilege and testimony of their faith to use their words, feelings, and deeds to position themselves to reap the harvest of a good husband.

    As Christians, our mouths should be used to uplift and inspire, but there are times when an untamed tongue will win.  James 3:5 (NLT) tells us, “So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6; And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” Don’t make this a habit pattern. It is extremely vital to understand that in a relationship or marriage, if you’re not careful, using your tongue in a hurtful manner is like quick sand – it will sink any relationship. Even when you don’t mean to say them, once those hurtful words are out there, you can’t take them back. They are like boomerangs that will ultimately come around to swipe you.

    Sometimes we forget the impact of what we say and how easily offensive we can be with our words.  Be careful of what and how you say things, because words can cut deeper than any weapon. Peter 3:10 (NLT) warns, “For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.”” Try the art of minimization, and let it act as your vocal filter. You’ll be amazed in the strides you make by curtailing your words, and choosing to speak life, or say nothing at all.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Put Your Words on A Diet”, written by FACM for FindingChristianMan.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Always on Top and Never at the Bottom

    Always on Top and Never at the Bottom

    Deuteronomy 28:12-13(NLT)

    “The LORD will send rain at the proper time from his rich treasury in the heavens and will bless all the work you do. You will lend to many nations, but you will never need to borrow from them. 14 If you listen to these commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the LORD will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom.”

    When we are in the process of ‘going through’, it can get so bad sometimes that it feels as if we’re sinking into a bottomless pit. You know that you should be declaring that you are more than a conqueror in every situation—that God has made you the head and not the tail, but the tribulations seem insurmountable; and you can’t seem to squeeze that gusto positivity through the cracks of your circumstances. Truth be told, these are the moments that make us, because when you’re out there with your back against the wall, God is the only one that can rescue you. He’s the one holding you up.

    Sometimes, the breakthrough that we really need is the one where our faith pierces through our circumstances with a vengeance and we hang on to it like a dog with a bone. We just have to flat out trust that Heavenly Father has our backs, because if we trust Him, He will demolish the negativity that is robbing us of peace and happiness. This is what His Word tells us time and time again.

    Hebrews 2:16-18The Message (MSG) assures us of the care and love that Jesus Christ has for us, and it solidifies that he is helping us even when it doesn’t seem like it. This passages says, “16-18 It’s obvious, of course, that he didn’t go to all this trouble for angels. It was for people like us, children of Abraham. That’s why he had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when he came before God as high priest to get rid of the people’s sins, he would have already experienced it all himself—all the pain, all the testing—and would be able to help where help was needed.”

    Jesus Christ knows everything that we’re going through down here, because he endured it all and his faith was tested by the enemy just as ours is. He’s our high priest, and he is continually making intercession for us. So, we can rest assured that Heavenly Father will keep His promises to bless all that we do and to make our way prosperous, but we must do our parts as well.

    Deuteronomy 28:12-13(NLT) tells us to obey the Lord, and to follow His Word carefully. This means that we don’t skimp when it comes to the things of God, but that we give Him our all. Whether we’re struggling with addictions, can’t seem to pray our way through, dealing with financial lack, or we’re holding on to a relationship that isn’t helping us to be our best. Whatever the case may be, in whatever shape we’re in, God wants us to give ourselves completely over to Him. It’s the intent of our hearts to surrender, and the desire to please and praise Him; that’s what causes the tides to turn. If we’ll be persistent in coming to God with this kind of mind-and-heart-set, He’ll make sure that we’ll always be on top and never at the bottom.

    Isaiah 41:13(NLT), “For I hold you by your right hand – I, the Lord our God.  And I say to you, Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.” 

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
    Written by FACM for FindingChristianMan.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!
  • “Was That Really You Lord?”

    “Was That Really You Lord?”

    “Was that really You Lord?” is one of those questions that I believe God is very use to His kids asking Him. This is especially true after we’ve made a decision that we thought was on point with the Lord, but the results speak another story entirely. Parents can identify with this. Your child does something that is totally off the wall, and ends up making a huge mess of things. After being confronted they immediately give you the line, “but I thought you said I could!!!” This is the go-to they use to get themselves off the hook.

    Authority is key. The word of the one on whose authority we depend is bond. This is the rack we hang our hats on. Parents are the authority figures for their children. Sometimes, our children can try and play the sneaky card. They do things of which they know the parent would not approve, and will try to manipulate their parent’s authority by saying they believed they received permission, when permission was never given. No new tricks under the sun; this one is classic.

    Instinctively we know that if permission is given, the outcome is not entirely one in which we will bear total responsibility. Part of the outcome can be attributed to the one in authority; the one on whose permission we rested our foray into the unknown. The reasoning behind this is: “It’s not totally my fault if I took a risk, and it didn’t pan out. I did it because I received permission, and I equated permission from my authority figure to the promise of a safe and positive outcome.” This is the kind of mentality we bring into our relationship with God at times.

    Hebrews 4:11-13(NLT) says, “11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.

    12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

    As a people who really and truly love God, we need to know that He has provided a way for us enter into rest. Rest is a state of being where there isn’t any chaos; there’s no indifference or struggle. There is a peace that comes with the rest that God provides. This is His goal for us. He tells us that we can’t get to this place of peaceful rest through disobedience. It can only be accessed through obedience.

    Heavenly Father goes on to tell us in Hebrew 4:11 that His Word is alive! It’s not asleep, so there can be no ifs, ands, and buts about the doctrine, instructions, and corrections that His Word provides.  God’s Word is perfect and definitive. When it comes to the whopper conundrums that we sometimes end up with, make no mistake about it, there are instances when we genuinely believe that we’ve heard from God. We believe that He’s given us a green light to proceed. Then, we end up making one of the biggest mistakes of our lives.

    “Was that really you Lord? Didn’t You tell me he was the one? Didn’t You tell me it was okay to marry this man? Why am I now facing this awful situation? I thought You told me that I could proceed and You would make sure that I’d be blessed?” Our Heavenly Father knows the decisions we will make even before we make them. Not only does He know them, but He already has seen the outcome.  In truth, when we leap into making decisions, thinking that God has given us the green light and things don’t end up being the absolute best for us, we should then realize a few things. Chief among them is how much we may have compromised ourselves through impatience. We didn’t give ourselves time to really find out God’s agenda for our lives.

    The Word of God is sharper than any sword because it cuts through the confusion we enter into when we don’t know what to do or which way to turn. This is why we must study His Word. As we get into God’s Word, we can receive wisdom from other sources as well that will back it up. Sometimes through a close friend, family member or even a co-worker, God can help to zap us into consciousness. Some of us begin to recognize the help, but others of us remain asleep and refuse to wake up about what we’re doing. We have a habit of intentionally avoiding what we know is right because we want something on the double.

    Discernment takes wisdom and through wisdom we should know that if we are committed to a life of obedience, God is willing and able to keep our feet from falling in any situation. We are never the worse for being patient. And even when we make the mistake of impatience…when our hearts may get a little bruised from time to time, we’re still in the game of living and learning; and this is always a blessing we should never take for granted.

    So always remember that nothing is ever hidden from God’s sight, and everything with Him is uncovered and laid bare before Him. He will not make decisions for us. We can’t ask God to make guarantees that are already provided through obedience to His Word. Hebrews 4:13 tells us that we are the ones that must give account of our actions. He has made it very plain that He doesn’t keep from us the information we need to hear. He’s told us that His Word is alive and active. Therefore, following His Word will always lead us down the right path, and His Word will never lead us astray. So let’s be very real about this one, because it’s never about whether or not He’s spoken to us. It is always about our willingness to have patience, study, listen, and obey.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Was That Really You Lord?”, written by FACM. FindingChristian Man.com©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

     

  • Refresh for Your Marriage Resolution

    Refresh for Your Marriage Resolution

    Praise God and Hallelujah for another year to be the best “YOU” in 2017! This sharing won’t be about making resolutions for the new year, but more so about taking the necessary steps to be renewed in the power of your mind, heart, and spirit, particularly in the area of the marital relationship you desire. As Christians, we owe it to God and ourselves to make the most of every day by trusting and believing God’s promises. 1John 5:4,5 (The Message) says, “Every God-begotten person conquers the world’s ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world’s ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.” This is good news indeed. So if preparing yourself for matrimony just so happens to be an integral part of your New Year’s resolution, it’s going to be an awesome year for you; and here’s something that will help to make sure that it turns out exactly as you desire.

    It’s no secret that patience is a very important virtue, and it must be exercised in our pursuit of a marital relationship; there can be no doubt about this. But it isn’t God’s Will that the virtuous woman of God wait year after year without her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs being met. Marriage is indeed a ministry, one of the most important and profound ministries of all. As a matter of fact, it was the first ministry that God ordained when He gave Adam and Eve to one another and told them to be fruitful and multiply. So God wants you to marry and blissfully so, and He would never withhold such a blessing from you.

    1John 5:4 tells us that every child of God receives victory over the world, and this conquering power is our faith. The world wants the woman of God to buy into the fallacy that there are no good Christian men left. The world tells us all the time that we are doomed to be alone unless we commit to do all kinds of foolish things to be attractive or relevant. And then, once we’ve altered ourselves to fit the world’s standard, we are disappointed beyond belief with the results. God’s way is the way of faith! There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If we would put as much effort in building our faith as we do in other things, we’d be so much further along. It’s FAITH that produces results when it is backed up by the authority of Jesus Christ!

    What does this mean for you and your commitment to be prepared for marriage in the new year? Well, one of the most effective strategies for overall success is to reduce a big undertaking down to small chewable bites. And so it is with the quest for marriage. A good place to begin is to start with what you know. You know from 1John 5:4 that “The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith.” So it’s essential that you begin to examine ways in which you can build your faith in the area where you are looking to achieve results.

    And as you examine ways to build your faith, you want to remove the things that have blocked you from building it in the past. I know so many sisters who can’t get out of their own way. They have a certain set of standards, and they are unyielding when it comes to finding a man who will fit them. Common sense tells us that if you don’t like the results you’re getting, then you cannot keep doing things the same way. Something has to change. With most of us, these changes must take place inwardly. Once we change inwardly, our outward circumstances will follow suit.

    When it comes to men, it’s good to have standards, but we also have to trust God. And sometimes our standards limit us from aligning ourselves with God’s standard. So we have to be be careful about this. Think about it, why would any woman of God believe that God would not bless her exceeding abundantly above what she is praying to receive? He knows what’s best for us. He knows what we need. So we have to trust Him. We have to remove these limiting beliefs from our minds and hearts, and yield our standard for His, because God’s standard is based solely upon His love. When everything is said and done, God wants our hearts to be broad and big enough that we can love all types of people. And this is something that we have to consider when we go before His throne.

    Instead of clinging so tightly to your assumptions about what you need or don’t need, make some promises to yourself and to God that you will do more than what you’ve been doing, and do less of what didn’t work in the past. This is the best way to refresh yourself in feelings of confidence and thankfulness for what lies ahead.

    It’s time out for what didn’t work yesterday, last week, and especially years gone by. Get your spiritual self in gear and let the love of God be in full effect. Commit to read and study God’s Word. Begin to dedicate yourself to mustard seed acts of faith. And always remember that much can be done with a little, and you’ll get the most out of this year as you grow in God’s love and strength.
    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    “Refresh for Your Marriage Resolution” written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man ©2016.   All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • “It’s Just So Unfair!”

    “It’s Just So Unfair!”

    Frustrated business womanJames 3:17 (NLT)
    “17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.”

    “I just can’t go to another wedding! My last single girlfriend just snagged a good man, and I don’t understand it. She hasn’t been on this Christian journey as long as I have, and I don’t think she’s as dedicated as I am. To make matters worse, she’s on her second go around, and I’ve never had a ring on my finger! It just doesn’t seem fair. Where am I going wrong?” This summarizes many of the emails we receive from Sisters that are so frustrated with being single. They don’t understand why things are not working out for them.

    God provides for us a sure Word, a Word that we can count on no matter what, because God’s Word will never fail or falter. We can stand upon it and it will never let us down. In James 3:17, He tells us that His wisdom is pure. It is unadulterated. So when we see things that look to us to be unfair, we can rest assured that they may look that way, but God’s way is perfect.

    It is when we allow ourselves to indulge this sense that we are being wronged or unfairly treated in life that we make huge errors. The first mistake is forgetting that God’s wisdom is unfailing, and the second is neglecting that it does not show favoritism. Once the mistakes of this train of thought gets steam by our emotional responses, it then has the power to affect our outcomes.

    God has told us to renew our minds for a reason, and one of those reasons is because the way we think plays a huge role in the amount of peace, abundance, and fulfillment we experience in life. Without putting ourselves in check, we begin to move in reverse and attract the exact opposite of the blessings we desire.

    The blessing of marriage is a spiritually forward, progressive, and higher level reality. Therefore, it stands to reason that it will require a spiritually forward, progressive, and higher level mentality and emotionality to build capacity for it. We can’t get there by indulging negativity and letting bottom feeding thoughts and emotions drag us beneath the realm of Godliness. You can only get a higher functioning mind-and-heart set from trusting, knowing, and feeding upon God’s Word.

    James 1:5 (NLT) tells us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” The same energy that we waste by thinking and reacting to doubt, we can reroute to having faith in the generosity of God. Transitioning from single to married takes decisive steps, just like any other thing that we seek to do in life. If you’re doing something that you shouldn’t be doing, or you’re not doing what you should be doing, ask our generous God if you can’t figure it out. He won’t be mad about it. He’ll tell you exactly what you need to do in order to receive the blessing you so earnestly desire. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “It’s Just So Unfair!”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • When His Love Is No Longer There

    When His Love Is No Longer There

    standingstrongBreaking up with a person that you’ve loved very deeply can be a difficult thing to bear, and some people encounter serious blows to their self-esteem as a result of it. This is especially true when the person in your life makes you believe that he or she is leaving because you’re not good enough for them. When I hear stories like this, it’s almost like hearing the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. I know teachers will make this mistake as they erase away errors, but it doesn’t make hearing it any better. The first thing that pops in my mind is the absurdity of someone actually thinking and behaving so arrogantly, and then I get agitated by the unmitigated gall of anyone that could do this to another person. The truth is that when everything is said and done, we can’t be mad about it. If you give someone your best, and they show you time and time again that they don’t know how to appreciate it, who’s to blame…them or you?

    I’m reminded of a situation of someone that held on to a relationship for many years, and a lot of the times she was not treated well at all. The man was very handsome, and she didn’t think much of her own looks. She felt almost privileged to be out with him. It wasn’t until she actually overheard him speaking on the phone to a new interest that it finally sunk in. She had settled for crumbs, and realized that she had been in denial about how bad things were for a very long time. This man belittled her to an unspeakable level, and it took hearing the two of them laughing and conversing at her expense for her to wake up.

    The Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT) “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” The image of ourselves that we see today is incomplete. It will not be totally perfected until Christ returns, but this image can and should become clearer the more we put on the mind and heart of Christ. The thing is, none of us should shy away from looking at the mirror life holds up for us. We can learn from it.

    When a person tries to build a relationship with someone who doesn’t appreciate and honor them, as hard as it is to hear, the person that they’ve chosen will hold up this mirror for them. The reflection is going to be a picture of how they really feel about themselves. It is easy to play the blame game when this happens, but it doesn’t get us anywhere. The reflection tells us that it is time to wrestle with the real issue.

    If somewhere deep in your soul you don’t feel good enough, it is a terrible feeling, one that will cause many other feelings of insecurity and doubt to spring up. Jesus Christ will help us to deal with the root of why we feel poorly about ourselves, and he’ll heal us in ways that we can’t possibly know, but it isn’t until we’re ready to deal honestly with this issue that we can set things in order and move forward with a new found strength and confidence.

    So it stands to reason that if we want from another person the kind of love we feel we deserve, we must first have it anchored in our souls for God in Christ, and then for ourselves. 2Timothy 1:7 (NLT) tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” God hasn’t given us a spirit of insecurity, doubt, self-loathing, and self-deprivation. He’s given us a spirit of power, love and soundness. Colossians 2:10 assures us, “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” No good thing has God withheld from us. We are power packed and oozing over with good stuff. If we believe anything to the contrary of this, we are believing something that isn’t true.

    If we keep our eyes focused on the imperfection we assume we have, and if we refuse to allow the Spirit to help us release things that hold us back, then we might continue to allow others to rob us of the power, love, and soundness that God has given us. This will continue a negative cycle, and it doesn’t have to be that way. We cannot control how others see us, but we can certainly control how we respond to their perception of who we are.

    Many of us have the ability to keep on loving even when the love from the other person is no longer there. This is admirable, but it should be love from a distance. In other words, we should only want to be in a relationship with the person that God has ordained to be our partner. This is a person that will help us to love ourselves in a healthy way. So some of us need to change the lens from which we view ourselves, and we also need to change the focus of our prayers. They should be centered around what we need to do and see so that we can begin to love ourselves in the Spirit of Christ, and thereby begin to attract all the goodness that God has in store for us. ■

    “When His Love is No Longer There!” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

     

     

  • Getting Back to Square One

    Getting Back to Square One

    In order to attract the type of love you deserve, you first must understand and know what love is. It is more than warm fuzzies on a cold winter’s night. It is more than someone holding you close and whispering sweet words in your ear. These are lovely things of course, and they help to develop intimacy in a relationship, but they cannot define what love is. Finding the person that God has ordained to be your marital partner is a good mission in life. It is a desire to expand and increase through love, so that you have greater room to bless and receive. For most of us, this requires that we pull back layers of stuff that we’ve accumulated through life, and get back to square one. In other words, we have to stop assigning our own interpretations to what it means to truly love someone, and get back to what God says about the matter.

    2Corinthians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” The treasure of God’s love and power is inside of our earthen vessels. It’s inside of us, and it is given to us by God so that the love we give out to others will not be substandard or lacking in any way. It is excellent love, because it comes from the heart of God. Our responsibility then, is to learn to bring the excellency of God’s love from the inside of us and express it to others outwardly.

    This is where we get it twisted sometimes. We want to take credit and think that we can love a person enough all by ourselves. We cannot. Without learning to love God’s way, we simply cannot love someone a lifetime in a way that makes them better, while also making us better as well. Only the love of Jesus Christ has this kind of power.

    Some of us might feel a deep longing to be loved. We might also think that this need to be loved is the reason we should seek to be married. Really, our need to love others with a Christ-kind of love should be at the forefront of our desire for marriage. After accepting the love of Jesus Christ and making him the head of our lives, the love of Christ can begin to flow out of us. When it does, it has a major impact. If given in service and care for others, this love of God in Christ will literally attract the opportunity to meet our future spouses.

    Love begins with Christ. It begins when we accept his love into our hearts. As we learn of Jesus Christ, we will grow in love, and we will hear an awful lot about surrendering to God and being humble. For the single Christian person that is desiring to increase through the union of marriage, surrendering and humility are two spiritual lessons that cannot be missed. We need to surrender the idea that we know enough about love, we simply don’t; and we need to be humble so that God can teach us how to love His way.

    When it comes to us being able to love in the way that our future marriages will require, God knows exactly where the holes are. He knows the missing elements. Without certain spiritual lessons about the love of Christ, and without changing some habits and qualities that we have, our future marriages might collapse. They will collapse because we haven’t built a strong enough foundation on the example of Christ to hold a marriage up.

    Yes, it takes two people to make it work, but the beauty of the reality of Christ is that it only takes one person in a marriage to hold up the standard. The other person then has no other choice but to respond to it. This is how potent the love of God in Christ is. God’s love changes things. It motivates, creates, and makes life infinitely better. So we have to surrender this idea that we have already attained the level of a fully mature love emotionally and mentally. It needs to be perfected through Christ, and getting back to square one requires us to not only acknowledge this, but to pull back layers of things like jealousy, insecurities, arrogance, conceit, and other heavies; so that we can love fully.

    Jesus Christ told us something that is a huge piece of knowledge, and it will help us to put on more of his example of love. He said in Matthew 11:29 that he is humble. This is more beautiful than anything we can imagine. Jesus Christ is a King! He is more royal, powerful, and glorious than any king in the earth could ever hope to be, yet he tells us that he is humble. This should warm your heart to pieces.

    Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT) says, “3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others too.” Humility will require a person to strip away all layers of pride and arrogance. It requires that a person be eager to demonstrate a denial of self for the benefit of others. It is wanting to see others blessed more than wanting it for ourselves. This is absolutely essential in a marriage, and very few marriages can make it without this kind of humility.

    Adjustments and transition can be challenging, but to partner they are necessary and unavoidable if we desire to be successful spouses. We do not have all the answers, but we know who does. As you seek the fulfillment of God’s promise, you must come earnestly before Him with a mind-and-heart-set to learn to walk in His love more fully. When you renew your commitment to be patient and allow Jesus to lead and teach you, he will prepare you to partner in marriage through his love. ■

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

     Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Getting Back to Square One” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Some Things You’ve Gotta Keep to Yourself!

    Some Things You’ve Gotta Keep to Yourself!

    Two weeks ago I was talking to a Sister-in-Christ who was very excited because she had recently met someone. She felt this man had all the ingredients for the making of a long term relationship. They met through mutual friends, and as it turned out, both share similar interests and desires for the future; including marriage. She’s never been married before, and the new guy is divorced with two children. Professionally, they’ve both done quite well for themselves. This sister-friend hasn’t had a significant relationship in a long time, and with plenty of family and friends between the both of them, she couldn’t wait to share her joy with everyone. She was so excited that she could hardly contain herself.

    In the beginning, everyone, including a few co-workers with whom she had shared the good news, all seemed excited for her and wished her well. With each date her relationship with the new beau got better and better, and she’d share a few details of the new milestones they were making, and how well they were getting along. She’s not the bragging type, but this is the happiest she has been in a long time, and it’s natural to want to share your happiness with those closest to you.

    After a while, she began to notice that whenever she mentioned plans for the weekend with her new friend, she didn’t receive the kind of comments she once had. Instead, distasteful or disapproving comments were made. She began to wish that she had never shared the details of her new relationship.

    We have to accept the fact that not everyone will be happy for us as we make the change from single woman to wife. For whatever reasons, there will be some folks who do not want us to take that walk down the aisle. As long as this sister’s desire for a husband was unsatisfied and she remained single, the people she had always counted on for friendship and advice were comfortable. Her single status made them feel a little superior, but as soon as her status changed, jealousy and pettiness slipped in.

    The devil is happy to see the single Christian woman without a husband, and will do everything that he can to keep her from marrying. The enemy hates the strength of a family unit, because of the destiny that God has placed on their bloodlines; he doesn’t want their legacy of believing off-spring to continue. So he tries to nullify the strength of a husband and wife team in the earth, and he does this through other people.

    God warns us in Proverbs 18:21 (NLT), “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” This is really powerful information to have. It is so important to allow God the room to help you cement a relationship through the Holy Spirit before you open it up to everyone. The less the enemy (and those he might work through) knows about your plans, the less able he is to intercept them through others. So to help you incubate the birth of something beautiful a bit longer, here are a few other helpful tips:

    Celebrate in Silence
    When you’re in a new relationship, you’re in sort of a ‘honeymoon’ state. Butterflies in the tummy are common for a good little while. Whenever you see the person, your stomach does flip-flops or you may feel blissfully fulfilled to have someone new in your life. It’s normal to want to share your excitement with others, but when your gut tells you, “Uh uh, you better keep your mouth closed about this one for a minute,” listen to it. Celebrate those milestones together quietly until Heavenly Father gives you the green light that the relationship is on good, solid ground.

    You’ll Know When the Time is Right
    Remain committed to establishing your new relationship without impetuous assumptions or expectations that create avoidable pressure. If you’re not sure about introducing him to family or friends, wait until the indwelling Holy Spirit gives you a decent comfort level about it. He, the Spirit, will give you the “all clear.” And let’s keep it real, just because the new fella sends you to butterfly-ville, it doesn’t mean that he’s the one. You will gain a lot of information about a person after spending some quality time together. So keeping the introductions to a minimum is important, at least until you know whether or not he’s a keeper. You’ll save yourself the embarrassment and time of having to explain the details.

    A while ago I met someone that liked me a lot. He seemed like a very nice person, and I was open to the possibility of dating, so I agreed to meet for dinner. He wasn’t someone that had caught my interest initially, but we saw each other regularly for a little while. It wasn’t long before I recognized that his personality was not a good mix with my own. It just wasn’t conducive to establishing a long-term relationship, so I made the decision not to waste anymore of his time, or mine. I was so thankful that I had not acted impetuously and made any assumptions about where the relationship might go. I introduced him to very few people, and it saved me the anguish of having to explain to most of my friends why I was no longer seeing the new guy. Again, it’s best to wait out or simplify the introductions. You’ll know when the time is right for more.

    Keeping Quiet is Good Stewardship
    Part of being a good steward of God’s blessings is knowing how and when to be discreet. God expects that we’ll know how to keep certain things quiet in order to protect and preserve the treasure that He has placed in our hands. Continue to pray and ask for guidance in your new relationship. Don’t allow your emotions to overwhelm your heart, because this often causes us to become overzealous and careless. It’s not about trying to be secretive. It’s about walking in wisdom. You’ll have plenty of time to publicly celebrate when you’re walking down that aisle.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Some Things You’ve Gotta Keep to Yourself!” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • You’re All in, But Him, Not So Much

    You’re All in, But Him, Not So Much

    Gifts of expensive jewelry, bouquets of beautiful flowers, and dinners at nice restaurants; these are the tangible things that a lot of us associate with a man who is really interested in the woman he’s seeing. Keeping it real, these things can’t hurt, but the true foundation of the relationship is actually how a man interacts with you. The ‘umph’ in a relationship is when both partners are validating each other’s thoughts and feelings. In other words, it’s when he lets you know undeniably, that you are the woman he honors above all others.

    Of course, we should never make any person our all in all. Only God deserves this place in our lives, but Heavenly Father wants every woman to experience what it feels like to be genuinely valued and appreciated supremely. The man that chooses her as the object of his affection has the distinct responsibility to validate her in this way, and she has the responsibility for doing the same for him.

    Relationships lasts when both people are mutual in their degree of willingness to share and interact with each other while having a goal of increasing their love and support in mind. If you’re all in, and the other person isn’t quite there yet, you’re probably not going to receive the validation you need, and you shouldn’t settle for this.

    God said in Jeremiah 29:11(NLT), “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Heavenly Father has your back. He has a plan for you and it is a good one. God only wants what’s best for us, and He knows what it will take to bless us. We can trust Him to take care of our needs, and we can know resolutely that He would not have us picking up crumbs on the floor when He has prepared a feast at the table.

    Be firm in your conviction to receive quality love, but also measure it against the love and support you’re willing to extend. Recognize when you just don’t do it for the other person. His refusal to be all in is a sure indication that he’s not yet capable of recognizing the jewel that is ‘you’. This isn’t a bad thing at all. You want someone who already knows how important it is to validate someone worthy. So always remember that God wants the best for you, and continue walking in faith until you receive it.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Feeling Like You Don’t Deserve Better” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.

  • Feeling Like You Don’t Deserve Better

    Feeling Like You Don’t Deserve Better

    LaToya’s father was abusive towards her mother, and she stayed with him for many years for the sake of their children. LaToya’s mother received the kind of advice that many women during her generation received, and some in our generation are still doling it out. Our mothers and grandmothers were often told by those who offered advice that any man is better than no man. This kind of thinking is spun from a mindset of fear, and is often used to keep women isolated. It causes them to feel afraid and insecure about their own ability to get away and care for their children and themselves.

    The residuals of this kind of advice and thinking are apparent in LaToya’s life. She’s 52 years-old, but still hasn’t healed from those childhood wounds of seeing her mother beaten and treated so badly by her father. She feels inferior and for eighteen years now, she’s been in a relationship with a man that refuses to marry her. She said to me over dinner, “I’m tired of feeling like I don’t deserve any better than what I have right now. I don’t want to settle anymore.”  This was a crack in the four walls of pain that have kept her boxed in for many years. The question is, how do you go from making a declaration of freedom to enforcing one?

    When I listened to my friend LaToya, I could identify with her pain in so many ways. I have had feelings of inadequacy, and I so did not want to feel that way. It’s isolating and sad, and you don’t want anyone to know how afraid you are of letting yourself down and letting everyone else down as well. You can become so tightly wound that you’ll go along with things that you know are not God’s best. You do it because you’re trying to prevent any more eggs from falling out of the basket.

    God commands us in Ephesians 4:23 to be renewed in the spirit of our minds. Even if we will not admit it to ourselves, if a Sister in Christ believes that God would want her to remain in an abusive relationship or that He would want His daughters to be in relationships with men that will not commit to marriage, her thought life has an element of fear. Renewing her mind is the only solution.

    2 Corinthians 10:4-6(The Message) tells us, “The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.”

    The culture was at one time, and to some degree still is, entrenched in the immature thinking that certain humans should be valued higher than others. God has given us the tools through His Word to smash this kind of warped philosophy. We can and should tear down barriers of pain and afflictions that breed fear. They go against the liberty in Christ we’ve been granted. Loose thoughts and emotions that are not grounded in love cannot mold a life into the structure of Christ. That is why we can’t allow our minds to stay trapped in flawed thinking.

    We can and must cast down strongholds like this, and many women begin relationships without having done so. This is one of the reasons why God wants us to use our time in singledom to prepare by renewing our minds to His Word. We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. If we will stand for certain negativities in our lives, then people will value us at the level of treatment we are willing to accept.

    Let’s face it Sisters, some of us have become so blinded to the truth that we no longer respect what God has to say. We neglect His teachings—His ways and His love for us, and we become consumed with what we will or will not receive from a man. Then, if the man disappoints us and something goes wrong, our hearts become so broken we can hardly see straight. This is so far away from the path of love, wisdom, and power that God has predestined for us.

    We must confront those old, broken down human nature patterns and thinking, like the ones that have gripped LaToya’s life. They can be very damaging to our souls. We cannot make a man or any other person our everything. God is our everything. Only He deserves such a place in our lives. Let’s renew our minds and get back to the ways of Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT), “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6: Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”  Let’s remember that we are empowered by God to stand boldly in the high value that He has placed on our lives. Instead of having fear about living without someone who doesn’t value us, we should seek to grow in faith that God will always and forever supply our every need. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Feeling Like You Don’t Deserve Better” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.