A person once said that he was so hurt by a comment his ex-girlfriend made, that he never saw her in the same light again. Their relationship was decimated by her hurtful words; so much so that after she spoke them, her boyfriend was repelled by the thought of being in her company for any length of time. Proverbs 18:21(NLT) tells us “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” I realize that this may be a verse that most of us have heard numerous times, but if you’re reading this, you’re in the business of spiritually preparing for marriage. Preparation means that we need to look under the hood of scripture several times, so that the revelation of it really sinks into our brain cells.
This is a simple and short verse, but it packs a powerful punch. Proverbs 18:21 tells us that our tongues can be weapons that not only hurt others, but they also can rob us of blessings as well. Sometimes we forget the impact of what we say and how easily offensive we can be with our words. In the case of the man I mentioned, he and his girlfriend were not having a heated argument, and she was not intentionally lashing out at him in anger. The truth of it is that she made two very distinct, harmful, and common mistakes.
God tells us in Hebrews 10:17 that when we seek His forgiveness for our sins, He remembers them no more. Most of us are not this way. When someone does or says something to hurt our feelings, we might let it go to a certain extent, but just let a heated situation come to roost. The sting of that past hurt will spark again, and we’ll hit the replay button on that scenario with a quickness. Five years could have passed, but some of us will still bring up that scabbed over incident in an argument. The point is that people are not as quick to forget past offences as some of us think. We need to always keep this in mind, particularly when it comes to our future spouses or the important person in our lives.
In our relationships with men, one of the common mistakes that we make is to forget that they are more sensitive than we think. Once a man lets you into his heart, he makes himself more vulnerable than perhaps he lets on. We can’t play the naïve card on this one; we’re too intuitive for that. We know when the man has made space for us in his heart, even if it’s a small one. As a Christian woman, we should be particularly sensitive to this, and it should make us more grounded in our responsibility to pay close attention to what we say.
The other harmful mistake that sister-girl made, and again, all of us do this at some point with our words, is forgetting the lasting impression they make. Think back to a time when someone said something to you that hurt your feelings. You haven’t forgotten it. Even though you have probably forgiven the person, the sting of their words is still in the background of your consciousness, and you wouldn’t want to relive the situation. So again, words can cause irreparable damage in a relationship. As someone praying and preparing to meet the man that will ultimately be your husband, your well of sensitivity needs to be deepened now, and not later.
As Christians, we should use our mouths to uplift and inspire those around us, and not let an untamed tongue get away from us. We can potentially make a statement to the important man in our life that can leave wounds that stick around with him for a very long time. They will often put up a valiant front on the outside, but this is just a shield.
The last thing that you want is for the words you’ve spoken to injure your partner; it harms your relationship. So, a great preparation strategy is to pray about this sooner rather than later. God knows this very moment the man that will be your husband. Pray that Heavenly Father will prepare you by bringing any impulsive tendencies that you may have to your attention. Pray that He will help you to develop the well of sensitivity and compassion that is going to bless your future husband and inspire him to trust you with his heart. ■
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
“Should He Trust You With His Heart?” written by FACM ©2017. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!