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I Wasn’t Expecting It!

I’ve heard many lasting love stories from people that say they weren’t expecting to fall in love. Many would confirm that the reason their love is so special is because they met at a time when neither or at least one of them weren’t looking for love; it just happened. Some would argue that it doesn’t matter if one is looking for love or not, as long as when they find it, they keep the flame of their love burning a lifetime.

Jeremiah 17:7-8(NIV) says, “7 But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” God is love. Therefore, we know that love is indeed the Source of life’s vitality. Love is meant to last, because God’s love endures forever. The passage in Jeremiah 17:7-8 is such a yummy piece of truth because it informs us that our roots can be anchored in the love of God, so much so that everything we touch yields something pleasing to Him. The way to have this fruitful touch is to make sure our confidence is firmly planted in our Heavenly Father.

I think it’s safe to say that the number of Christian single people looking for love outweigh those that are not. Many of us are praying to God for a spouse, and we have been praying for an answer for quite some time. Through the prophet, Jeremiah, God has told us that trusting Him is our blessing, because He is a God that cannot fail. So, when it comes to the manifestation of our desires, a closer look at our own beliefs, actions, and attitudes is warranted. If we strip back all the layers in our hearts this very second, the truth will reveal that many of us are not fully trusting in God’s goodness. Deep down, many of us believe that for some reason God is keeping the blessing of a spouse from us. This belief blocks our faith, because it is a belief that isn’t based on God’s truth.

Through the prophet, Jeremiah, God also gives us more incredibly valuable information. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart of a person can be hopelessly dark and deceitful, that it’s a puzzle that no one can truly figure out or understand. We all think we know ourselves so well, but God knows us infinitely better. He knows every detail of our existence. He knows our motivation for every thought, feeling, word, or deed. The heart reveals what we’re really about, and sometimes it shows that we are more motivated by our own self-interest than we are by pleasing God and doing what He requires.

No single person can effectively demonstrate faith without the wisdom of the following verse in Jeremiah 17:10. It tells us that our extraordinary Heavenly Father searches our hearts and examines our minds. He does this to reward us according to our conduct; He rewards based on our true motives and intentions. Somehow, this revelation escapes many of us. We think He ought to reward us when we haven’t aligned our will with His Will. We expect the blessing when our hearts are still full of things like pride, selfishness, jealousy, and anger. He will not reward our bad behavior, but what He will do is help us expel these toxins from our lives.

2Corinthians 13:5(NIV) tells us, “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves.” This requires the courage to look in the mirror and to see ourselves honestly. The psalmist said in Psalm 139:23-24(NIV), “23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” This same attitude and mindset must be present in our hearts as we approach the throne of God in prayer and worship.

An inward look at our own hearts begins a sacred dialogue with God that should never end. With every spiritual elevation we undertake, there must be a willingness on our parts to seek God for clarity about what causes our hearts to be closed in some areas and open in others. We must invite Him to do a work within that will unveil healing revelation after revelation. We are His handiwork, and He wants to bring blessings into our lives, the kind that are expected and some that are delightfully unexpected. And although the unexpected are sweet surprises, they require us to stay prepared by increasing in the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When we do this, we’ll have a heart that pleases God because it will be overflowing with His Word and love.■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“I Wasn’t Expecting It!”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 16, 2021
Looking for Treasures Where There Are None

When a man decides to go down on one knee and ask a woman to be his wife, it means she’s presented to him something that makes him decide to deny the pursuit of any other woman. He chooses as his wife the woman that satisfies something within him. This choice signals the world of this man’s intentions. A woman then has a choice to make. She can either accept the man’s offer of marriage, or she can deny it. If she denies it, in a perfect world they’d both go their separate ways, and part as friends. They’d realize that although one person is ready to make this commitment, the other is not in agreement; therefore, they can’t walk down that aisle together. But if both are in agreement, they can make something beautiful together. This is what many single women are hoping and praying will happen to them one day soon.

The most important decision two people in a relationship will make is deciding if they should get married to one another. But before this stage is even a consideration, the two of them should be walking in agreement with God, seeking Him continually for those all-important green lights. We can’t be naive about this, because many people have been blind-sighted. They thought they received an ‘all clear’, when actually they didn’t. Sometimes, single people will translate good chemistry between them and the new person as a sign. In this scenario, the conversations are good, the new guy is saying all the right things, and he checks off most of the qualities on the top tier on their list. Because a single woman may have been praying a long while to meet someone of this caliber, she makes certain assumptions. Then, when things go wrong and don’t work out, she questions God as though He bears the responsibility for her poor choice.

The fact that we want to see certain characteristics in the person we hope to marry is admirable. To list them out is a worthwhile endeavor, but if we take the time to think and process what we desire in a mate, there’s another list that should have come before that one. It’s the ‘To Do’ list of our responsibilities to our Heavenly Father. The reason that we can’t have one without the other can be found in James 2:26(NLT). It tells us, “Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.”

Hebrews 11:6 tells us that it is impossible to please God without faith, and from a practical standpoint, we know that faith is necessary for everything we do in life. Most of us know that we’re to have positive confessions and to get our thoughts aligned with the mind of Christ in order to walk in faith, but James 2:26 reminds us of one other crucial component. It tells us that for faith to be lively and active, it must be backed with the right actions.

Some will think that signing up at several dating sites is backing their faith with the right action. Others begin to go out more and involve themselves in various recreational activities, and they would say that these are actions geared towards backing their faith. We must consider that it’s very possible we need to dig a little deeper and travel more closely aligned with the Spirit, because the Spirit will take all the guesswork out of the equation. He will tell us exactly what we need to do to back our faith. James 1:5 tells us that God will not rebuke us for asking for His wisdom and guidance.

Jesus Christ warns us in Matthew 6:19-21(NLT), “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” We must think twice about looking for treasures where there are none, because if we’ve stored them on earth, the enemy will have a field day with them. Make sure your treasures are of the heavenly kind. These are those that can be stored there for safe keeping.

If our treasures are in heaven, our heart will be there too. This doesn’t diminish our pleasure but increases it. When our heart is set on pleasing God, He will reward us. Jesus Christ instructed us in Matthew 6:3-4(NLT), “But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.” This is instruction from our Heavenly Father on how His flow of rewards is handled. We must be mindful that any ol’ thing we choose to do will not be rewarded. God’s stamp of approval must be on it in order for it to count. So let’s change up our strategy by placing it under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Then we can be confident that our desire for marriage does not override our commitment to make loving and honoring God our number one priority.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Looking for Treasures Where There Are None” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 9, 2021
3 Questions You Must Answer

If the person you’re dating isn’t ready for a marital commitment and you are, what are you expecting to happen? Do you expect that he will change his mind? Are you assuming he’ll grow more in love with you or are you willing to simply continue with things as they are? It’s important to ask yourself these questions and to examine the answers with as much scrutiny as possible. The major reason for this is because the answers are a good indication of how you see yourself and how you see God responding to your desire for marriage.

1 Do you expect that he will change his mind?
Heavenly Father did not intend that relationships would be as challenging as they are. But this is the thing about us humans, we bring complexity and confusion into just about every arena of life. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us undoubtedly that God is not the author of confusion, so our goal forever and always should be to let His peace abide with us. The only way to achieve this is to seek and understand His Will.

Genesis 1:26(NLT) tells us, “Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” God created us in His image, and He also gives us our mission. It is to reign within the earth’s realm. This is God’s Will! He did not give any human being the right to reign over another person. We can’t see into another person’s heart, and we cannot control their minds. We are to have dominion and authority in our own lives. This means we cannot change how someone responds to us. The most that we can do is change how we respond to them.

2 Are you assuming he’ll grow more in love with you?
Love is a commitment, and it is a commitment we must honor through the Lord Jesus Christ. In John 15:13(NKJV), our Master Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” His example reveals that love isn’t consumed with what we receive, it is about the commitment we make to love and serve others through Christ. Again, humans complicate things way more than they need to be. We have taken the infallible treasure of love and tried to dice it up and split it in several different ways that suit our own agendas. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has demonstrated for us what love is and how it behaves, so we don’t get to put our spin on it. 1John 4:8 tells us that God is love, and if authentic love is our goal, it must be expressed through our faith in Him.

After God created Adam, He saw that Adam was lonely. Genesis 2:20-23(NLT) tells us: “20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” Adam had all dominion and authority in the earth. He was not weak or lacking because he was created from God’s glory to be perfect in every way. But Adam was without a companion, and it was always God’s plan to make Eve from Adam’s body, so he would have a perfectly suited spouse to love.

Because God loves us, just as He did for Adam and Eve, He will take care of our needs. If we are representing Christ in the way that God requires, we should never allow ourselves to be overly concerned about whether someone loves us back. Instead, loving God through the Lord Jesus Christ must be our main focus and concern. 2Corinthians 3:5 tells us that God is our Sufficiency. Another person cannot fulfill that role, and if we think they can, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Therefore, we can never, under any circumstances, try to make another person our source or sufficiency. God is our Source. We must be very careful that we’re not trying to make a person our everything or depend on them to be. If we do this, we’ve stepped away from God’s love and may be in jeopardy of idolatry and obsession.

Are you willing to simply continue with things as they are?
God wants us to have happy lives and happy marriages. He doesn’t want to make our pleasure any less but wants our joy to be full. To accomplish this, the love of Jesus Christ must be firmly anchored in our hearts. When it isn’t, God will help us if we want to be helped. As we accept God’s help and commit ourselves to be led by His Spirit, we must accept that change is inevitable.

Things do not stay the same, and life doesn’t afford us the opportunity to continue being the same person we’ve always been. Therefore, we should not expect that the person we love will go on being who they are either. Life supports growth, change, and evolution; and all of it hangs on God’s purposes. Proverbs 19:21(NLT) says, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” So, the wisest thing we can do is be patient as God shows us what He has planned. Then, we can make decisions and choices in alignment with His Will, because these will be the best decisions and choices we can make for our lives.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“3 Questions You Must Answer“, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 2, 2021
Show Me How to Love

As human beings, we crave love, and whether we’re willing to admit it or not, most would do almost anything to have it. Many people today are still searching for that special someone, and they hope this person will shower them with the love they’ve always wanted. It’s no secret that there are disproportionately more single women desiring a committed relationship than men. They hope to find a man that has qualities comparable to their own, and that this quest will ultimately lead to marriage. They also hope this will not be prolonged much longer. Most single believers desiring marriage recognize that having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to make it a reality. Every step that a person takes towards increasing their faith in Christ is impactful, and this is one of the reasons it’s so important to be led by the Spirit in all you do, especially when it comes to your desire for marriage.

The Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13:11(NLT), “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” From the very beginning of our lives, as infants, we are comforted and become established in the unconditional love from our parents. Knowing that our parents or guardians will always be supportive and will never walk away from us should establish the first foundation of love in our hearts. For many, this expectation of love, care, and support is rooted in us from infancy, but as we grow, our expectations for and about love should change. As children, our parents were our lords—they were supposed to be our everything. But as Paul tells us in God’s Word, when we mature and develop into adults, it is necessary for us to let go of childish things.

We are not perfect, and neither are our parents. Sometimes the foundation that gets established in us doesn’t help us build faith, but in some areas work against our faith. We grow up holding on to and nurturing immaturity. Some generational stuff gets passed on, and we may have insecurities and fears that we’ve not confronted or owned. These immature tendencies block us from developing mature faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. It is crucial to handle this business of removing the blockers, and to do it before we’re in the most significant relationships of our lives. The person we’ll marry will be the individual we minister to most. They will be most impacted by our spiritual walk in Christ, and if we are not prepared to help them in the way that God has purposed, we’ve got a problem.

Discovering God’s love is transformative. He has shown us through Christ that love is about what we do and has very little to do with what we say. Our loving Lord and Savior paid the ultimate price for us. Because of his overwhelming love, he sacrificed his life as payment for our sins. He said in John 15:13(NLT), “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” When we accept the love of Christ in our hearts, we then must love as he loves, share as he shares, and give as he gives. This is the least we can do for all that he has done for us.

1 John 3:16(MSG) says, “This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.” We must understand that sacrifice is necessary in love; Jesus Christ has shown us this, and it is this sacrificial aspect of love that many people refuse to see. Meeting the person we will marry can’t be a desire born out of selfishness or self-agendas. If it is, the relationship won’t have a solid foundation. But when a relationship is built on the solid foundation of Christ, it will last. This means that, with our future spouses, we will come into the union with a measure of spiritual maturity that God has stamped “READY!”

Right now, we don’t yet know all the ways in which we’re missing the mark in the love of God in Christ, but God knows. He knows our every weakness, and He sees the problems and situations in our futures that we are not yet spiritually mature enough to handle. The psalmist prayed in Psalm 27:10-11(NLT), “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close. Teach me how to live, O LORD. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me.” This must be our constant prayer. You have an enemy that seeks to keep you separated from our future spouse, but God will teach you how to love through Him and keep your union strong. He will show you how to love so that you fulfill the plan He has for you and your spouse. Be patient, and let the Spirit lead you along this right path. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Show Me How to Love”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 26, 2021
I Thought I heard from God

Genesis 1:27-28(MSG) tells us, “God created human beings; he created them godlike, reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female. God blessed them: “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!” God is our Creator, and He has made us in His image. 1John 4:8 affirms that love is not just what God does, LOVE is who He is! Therefore, you and I can know resolutely that we were made from God’s love. And with His love, many things are woven into our beings. For instance, we know that one of the things God desires from all of us is an intimate relationship. So, it should come as no surprise that as children made in His likeness, a desire for relationships comes baked in our makeup. This desire is a product of God’s love. It shows us that love will always seek to expand and increase, and that our desire for partnership is very natural.

Because love is so important to us, sometimes we allow ourselves to be manipulated and mistreated in the pursuit of it. In Hosea 4:6, God tells us that His people are destroyed because of ignorance. This makes it clear that we can be severely harmed or taken out because of what we don’t know. It’s apparent why Heavenly Father tells us in Proverbs 4:7 that wisdom is the principal thing, and that we should make every effort to attain it, and to also get an understanding about how to apply this wisdom. Not prioritizing the attainment of wisdom over the pursuit of a relationship can be a very dangerous thing.

We must know that the enemy was once an angel of light, and he knows how to counterfeit light very well; it is something he uses to trick us so that we fall into one of his traps. The aim, of course, is to keep us blinded so that we focus our attention on the counterfeit and miss the true blessing that is meant for our lives. To get a visual of what this looks like, we don’t have to look too far. Most of us have heard these hurtful stories. We have seen it in our own families or have experienced it ourselves. We have a tremendous capacity to love, and with this comes the desire to cling to a relationship that is past it’s expiration date, and to keep on loving even when the other person no longer feels the same way.

A friend that did this said to me about the man she loves, “I know I heard God tell me he was the one.” In truth, she had already made an emotional investment in the man before she even thought about consulting the Lord. She had made up in her mind he was the one before seeking the wisdom to know for sure. After three years of dating, she’s devastated because she truly believed that the man she had been devoted to was in her words, “the man I’m meant to marry.” We must be careful not to betray our better judgment in this way. We must wait on God. If we ask for His guidance and wisdom, He is sure to give it.

Love is an area of life where we desperately need wisdom. God doesn’t make mistakes. His first priority is our spiritual growth in Christ. Therefore, partnership with God through the Lord Jesus Christ will always come first with Him. It would be out of His divine order to give us a treasure of another person, when we are not even handling ourselves righteously before Him. Jesus Christ warns us not to be so consumed with getting that we are not able to respond to God’s giving. He tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, and all the other blessings will be added to our lives.

If we desire a wonderful relationship, but don’t have the proven spiritual strength, wisdom, and maturity to handle it right now, Heavenly Father doesn’t tell us ‘no’. He helps us develop well-formed love so that we are able to handle the thing we desire most. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to demonstrate that we will always and forever put God first, no matter who comes into our lives. God is the glue that holds everything together, and we must wake up to this truth, otherwise, we’ll keep going down the wrong path and continue the cycle of making the wrong kinds of decisions. Heavenly Father doesn’t want this for us. He wants us to be wise, spiritually strong, and confident in His love, and when we are, we’ll be prepared for the treasures He’ll send our way. ■

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

“I Thought I heard from God”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 19, 2021
Get Out of Your Own Way

One of the young women that I counsel has finished college and is ready to get married. She’s bright, intelligent, attractive and loves the Lord. But often she feels like she’s not doing enough with her life to please God. She says this because of her unfulfilled desire to meet the Godly man that will be her husband. She’s fully aware that just because a man is a believer and loves the Lord, this doesn’t mean that he’s the right one. Like me, she knows women in her family and community that have believed this and leaped into a relationship with a saved man, thinking there was no chance for error. They were wrong. So, she wants to meet the man that God has planned for her destiny, but there’s also a part of her that questions if it will truly ever happen.

God has given us this innate desire to partner for a reason. The union of marriage has been a part of His plan from the beginning. It teaches us many lessons that aid our relationship with Him. So, we should never feel indifferent to our desires to be married. It is a perfectly natural desire, and our Heavenly Father will take care of it, just as He does every other aspect of our existence. The thing we must be careful about is the tendency to want to rush things. Many single sisters feel a void in their lives because they haven’t yet partnered. When this happens, feelings of loneliness or sadness creep in as well. This can cause a sense of urgency, and many of us become desperate.

Desperation hinders our desires because it tells a lie about God’s willingness and ability to bless His beloved children. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:8 that our Heavenly Father knows what we have need of before we ask. You and I don’t get to define our needs for God, nor can we dictate to Him how He should fulfill our needs. 2Corinthians 3:5(NKJV), tells us, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God,” He’s our sufficiency. Everything we need flows from Him.

When we’re desperate, we tend to get in our own way. We don’t always know what to do with the void we feel, so we try to fill it ourselves. Doing this can harm our relationship with God, because He has told us that our lives don’t belong to us; they belong to Him. He commanded us in Romans 12:1 to present our bodies to Him as a living sacrifice that is holy and acceptable to Him. This is the least we can do for all He has done for us.

To get out of our own way is to put Jesus Christ totally and completely in the driver’s seat. He said in Matthew 16:25-26 (MSG), “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?” We must have a track record of yielding to the Spirit when we feel emotionally taxed or out of whack, so that when we’re married, we won’t lash out at our spouses, or use our emotions as a way of punishing him. Instead, we will constantly go back to God every time and allow Him to lead and guide us through those tough times through His Spirit.

How many times have I rushed things in my life just to get somewhere quick and in a hurry? How many times have I wanted things to happen in a hurry just to satisfy my own desires? I think this happens to a lot of single Christian women – particularly when it pertains to meeting someone and wanting to get married. We want the man to show up in our lives when we think we’re ready. 1Corinthians 7:17(MSG) instructs, “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.”

When the single woman realizes this, she will find that she doesn’t have to rush through life or figure things out on her own timing. God wants the absolute best for all of us. He wants the single Christian to have a loving and Godly spouse if that is their desire. But even more so, He has given us the roadmap on how to get there. Get out of your own way and allow the counsel and guidance of God to direct and lead the path in your life. He will take care of your needs and His timing is always perfect.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Get Out of Your Own Way” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 12, 2021
Stop Mourning What Could Have Been

One of the things we do when we’re in a relationship is reshuffle our lives to make room for the new man. Most of us see this as a welcomed change, and we’re happy to do it, but when the relationship doesn’t go as expected, it can be very challenging. On top of the heartache we’re experiencing, we must do even more reshuffling. We have to acclimate ourselves to the reality of our disappointment while trying not to miss a beat with the other important things in our lives. Even though most of us will try to smooth over the gaps that were left vacant by the absence of this person, things can’t go back to the way they were. Try as we might to get back to that place, we just can’t. This can be very difficult for us to accept, especially when we’re facing the holidays.

For most of us, the holiday season comes with both its share of joys and stresses. There are increased demands on our time with family and work gatherings, and not only this, there’s the pressure of gift giving on our finances. Of course, the joys far exceed the angst. It’s a beautiful season that reminds us of warm coziness, closeness with those we love, and most importantly, remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. All of us want it to be a celebratory time that we share with that special someone, but not having this person in our lives shouldn’t be a game changer.

There are some truths that we as believers must accept, and one of them is that everything, every detail, from the smallest to the greatest, happens for a reason. Heavenly Father created us in such a way that we change, evolve, and grow through knowledge and experiences. He tells us in Ephesians 4:23(NIV), “to be made new in the attitude of your minds;” In Romans 12:2(NIV), He said, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This means that we ought to learn lessons of wisdom from our mistakes and change our thoughts and attitudes so that we’re better from our breakups and not worse. Our goal through every success and disappointment should be to excel in Christ, because as we learn more about him, we are transformed into the person God created us to be.

This doesn’t happen all at once. After we’re born-again through Christ, our spiritual journey in him begins. It’s never a backward regression. In the realm of God, there is only one trajectory, forward and upward. As we walk in the Holy Spirit and allow him to teach us about Jesus Christ, we’ll go higher and higher. It is awesomely important that we trust this truth, because it will help to build our faith. It will help us to be anchored in the truth that although things didn’t turn out the way we wanted, God’s plan for us is not deterred. He will cause all things to work together for our good.

Some of us are very tempted to let a breakup send us backwards, but our faith in God ought to be anchored in what He’s doing now and what He will do in the future. We want to go back to who we used to be, or we want the man back in our lives so things will be as they were. We should never want to go back because there’s too much to look forward to.

The children of Israel living in Old Testament times are an example of the wrong attitude and mindset. In Numbers 14:22-23(NIV), God said, “Not one of those who saw my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times—not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it.” God’s people were forbidden to see the Promised Land because they refused to believe that their latter days would be better than their former days. They wouldn’t trust that God would increase them as they pursued His Will and promises in faith. Instead, they cowered in fear and doubt, complained, and wandered around in the wilderness. We should never allow this to be said of us.

John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He gave us His only begotten Son. He gifted to all of us the most precious offering He could make. At God’s appointed time, something new and extraordinarily wonderful came into the world. This is the God we serve, and it is something to celebrate every day. We’re not the same person we were, and that’s nothing to be sad about. We learned how flexible and strong we are when we have to be. Don’t constantly make a memorial of your past at the expense of your future. With God, all things are possible, and when we make Him the focus, we can stop mourning what could have been and prepare to embrace the newness of what will be.■

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Stop Mourning What Could Have Been”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 6, 2021
Yes, I Called Him First

The internet has drastically changed many aspects of our lives, but you’d be hard pressed to argue against its monumental impact on dating. Because of the internet, single people have more options today than ever, but more options don’t necessarily translate to making dating easier. While it’s true that the dating pool of potentials is widened by online dating sites, the weeding out process is often complicated and tricky. Profiles paint a picture of what a person wants you to see, and often leave out entirely the stuff you’d run away from if you knew it. So, we’re now at a place where a person is more likely to meet someone through an email than at the grocery store, church, or through friends and family. Therefore, caution and wisdom are indispensable with online dating, because so few people talk about the need to adjust expectations to reality. The real deal is that it may take a long time to find a compatible, quality person that is interested in building a serious relationship—one that will last.

A little while ago, a good friend went out on her first date with a man she connected with online. They had been conversing a few weeks, and things were going really well, so they finally decided to meet. On the date, she said the conversation between the two of them was even better than their phone calls. He said all the right things. The restaurant was nice, they instantly seemed to hit it off, and my friend felt very optimistic. The entire evening, he was the perfect gentleman, and when she arrived home, she thought surely he would text. He didn’t. No ‘nice to meet you in person’, ‘enjoyed your company’, or ‘let’s do that again.’ She got nothing.

The next morning, she checked her phone and again, nothing. They had been texting each other ‘good morning’ for a few weeks, so she was very puzzled by this. A few days went by, and still…crickets.

Meeting someone in person is completely different from reading a profile and seeing a picture online. You get a sense of a person’s energy when you’re in their company, and the chemistry can be completely different than you thought it would be. Sometimes the other person’s agenda isn’t what they’ve represented in a profile. Maybe the man’s intention is purely physical. His bubble is burst when he meets her in person, and she is not someone that is easily manipulated.

There are people who endure even more hurtful situations from online dating than what my friend has endured. We’ve probably all heard some of the horror stories, and the lesson is that none of us should internalize the rejection and disappointments from this stuff. We should learn that it will forever and always be best to depend on God’s wisdom and guidance with any dating option. He knew about the internet a very long time before any of us had a clue, and He knows how to guide us through the pitfalls.

As women, we can jump in too soon with our emotions. We become too eager and excited, and we need to be more cautious. Proverbs 19:2(NLT) tells us, “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” In the case of my friend, you might be thinking that perhaps she misread things, and maybe she should be the one to call. My friend considered this herself and decided to do just that. He answered her call and seemed happy to hear her voice. He said he had been thinking of her and was going to call but things got hectic. He promised to call her later that evening, but it’s been a few months, and that was the last time she heard from him.

We can call it old fashion if we want, but God’s Word and Will is never outdated, and if we don’t follow it, we can’t expect the results it yields. Women and men are not the same. They each have different roles, and Heavenly Father was extremely intentional about this. Proverbs 18:22(NLT) says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” This is God’s standard, and God’s standards never change. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and members of His holy family through the Lord Jesus Christ. He tells us that a virtuous woman is priceless. His expectation is that she will be treated in a way that honors her worth.

It is in no way about arrogance or egotism. It is about owning your identity as God’s precious daughter. If you know who you are, then you have a right to expect that a man will appreciate your worth. If he is truly seeking a woman of your Godly character and grace, he would be chomping at the bits to be in your company again; because that’s how a man of integrity, substance, and loyalty behaves when he’s in the presence of his queen. A man will always pursue what he wants. If he’s not willing to pursue you, he doesn’t recognize your worth.

Proverbs 19:3(NLT) tells us, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD.” It is very easy for all of us to be foolish and make a mistake with dating, and there are a variety of ways to do it. But this kind of mistake can turn into a travesty that will ruin our lives if we’re not careful. It can cause us to lose valuable time, stamina, and momentum that should be aimed towards the man who is deserving of all we have to give. So, yes, you may have called him first, but be wise and don’t do it again.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Yes, I Called Him First” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 29, 2021
Show Me Where to Start

“This isn’t right – I gotta fix this…I miss my family!” This is what a close friend said to me as he described what made him fight for his marriage. With two children, a mortgage, and a job that he didn’t feel was worth waking up to each morning, it became more than a notion for this man in his thirties; it had become overwhelming. He and his wife had separated after only five years of marriage, and during their separation, he grew even more despondent. He began to feel so isolated from his family that he couldn’t see how he and his wife could fix what was broken. Neither one of them could imagine submitting to the other for the sake of their family’s unity and peace.

Jesus Christ said in Matthew 5:9(NLT), “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” There are many ways to bring peace to any situation, but it takes humility, love, and a heart that is eager to please God. Peace work requires that we release all claims to pride, and the need to control and be right. This is very difficult for some of us. Anyone that is going through or has gone through a difficult time in their marriage can attest to the fact that it’s easier to run away from the problems than to stand strong and face them head on.

As women, we have endured a lot, and still continue to endure a great deal. We don’t have the luxury of being weak; too many depend on our strength. We run to God because like the song says, ‘we’ve tried Him, and we know He’s all right!’ Our backs have been against the wall enough times to know that He’ll never leave us or forsake us, but sometimes our strength is entangled with stubbornness. Our tenacity, when it’s stretched too thin, can be tainted with bitterness. Then we say to God, “Why is it always me that has to change? Why do I have to do all the emotional acrobatics all the time? Why doesn’t he ever have to come clean and surrender too?”

Our Lord and Savior answers these questions so beautifully in Matthew 5:13-14(NLT), “13 You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. 14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.” We add flavor to the lives of those we love and know, and it is because we are the lights of the world. It should be our highest privilege and honor to show people the unyielding endurance of the love of Christ. Forgiving others keeps us salty. Making peace keeps our light bright. He never said it was easy. It’s hard work sometimes, and that’s why peace-work comes with such great rewards.

It doesn’t matter how many times we have to rein ourselves in, especially when we’re cringing and about to burst because we want to say something and speak our minds so bad. We must hold our tongues. The rebellious part of us despises this. We don’t want to submit to anyone, and we don’t want anyone to have authority over us, but the truth of it is that marriage requires submission. Both spouses must be submissive and committed to one another. And yes, sometimes it will feel like one person has a greater portion of this than the other, but the wonderful part about it is that God blesses those who work for peace. The reward will be evident in the quality of our unions.

No matter how broken things may seem, we can roll up our sleeves and ask God to “Show me where to start!” He will show us how to create an environment of humility through the love of Christ. We must have faith that God will always hold us up, even when we let our guards down in our marriages. When we let down those barriers of rebellion, we will have cultivated a space and place where our partners feel emotionally safe to do the same. Through Christ, we can choose to be the peacemaker, and we will never regret the decision to do so. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Show Me Where to Start” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 22, 2021
It’s Time

There’s a question every woman that is single and waiting for the right man to enter her life must ask. It is whether wait mode has caused her to hit the pause button on other vital parts of her life. Sometimes we can do this and not realize it. We might begin to feel that we can’t have a certain level of fulfillment unless we have a spouse or a significant relationship. In Matthew 16:19(NLT), Jesus Christ said “And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” This verse is exactly the wisdom we need to release the pause button. If we take heed to its wisdom, we’ll head down a path that pleases God and helps us unlock a truth within that every successfully married woman has opened.

For many single Christian women, the wait month after month, year after year, has gotten to be exhausting. A sister friend said to me just the other day that she’s been divorced for twenty years, and she never thought she would be single that long. She declared boldly, “It’s time!” I was moved by her declaration and pray that she will cross paths with her future spouse very soon. I’m sympathetic because I have experienced this same frustration, feeling that the wait has been too long. On top of this, it’s discouraging to see so many women that are experiencing the same frustration.

I’m a firm believer in asking critical questions. I was brought up to believe that a person should never question God, but I have come to know that this isn’t an approach that leads to enlightenment. We can’t open the door to greater truths if we don’t ask questions. So, we must come to God through the Lord Jesus Christ, and humbly ask Him the questions that are on our hearts. Then, we must believe that He will give us the answer. James 1:5(NLT) tells us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” If we feel we’re waiting too long for a blessing to come to pass, we must ask God about it and be courageous enough to face the answer. Because this answer will most certainly lead us to a greater demonstration of faith in God through Christ.

Wisdom is necessary for any pursuit, and it is most certainly a must for marriage. God doesn’t keep His wisdom a secret. He is a God of order, and He tells us how to walk in His blessings continually. The wisdom that leads to walking in God’s blessings continually can be found in Matthew 6:33, where Jesus Christ tells us to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, and blessings will be added to us. This is a very simple thing, but some of us have made it quite complicated. This verse shows us what is most important to Heavenly Father, and it is that our hearts are anchored in our desire for Him more than any other thing. This speaks to intimacy in our relationship with God. He is showing us how this intimacy is supposed to look. When He sees our lives, there must be irrefutable evidence that seeking Him is our primary focus.

As women, the desire for marriage and wanting to cross paths with our future husbands feels very natural to many of us. Why is this? Could it be that the desire for marriage is ingrained within? Could it be that somewhere inside of us there is a knowing that marriage is a part of our destiny? Could it be that we pursue our desire for marriage because we can’t imagine not pursuing it? Think about the answers to those questions and then pull the measuring stick out further. Ask yourself if you’ll move to a new city or town if you knew you’d meet your future spouse there? Would you give up a bad habit for his happiness? Would you spend less and give more for the betterment of your marriage? If you will do these things for a human being, you must be willing to do much more for God.

This strong desire for marriage comes from within, but I submit to you that the purpose to which God has called us is an even stronger desire than the one for marriage. And we will sometimes use our desire for marriage and other things as a way of avoiding the real work that God has called us to do. Our purpose within God’s plan is a treasure that He placed within us in Christ before we were born. We are not allowed to wait until we are married to begin to walk in it.

Successfully married women of God are convinced of their purpose in the Lord Jesus Christ. We don’t have to know all the details of our purpose, but there must be evidence in our lives that when we are called to carry forth something for the Kingdom, we won’t allow anything to keep us from doing what God has asked of us. Only this kind of commitment to God can sustain the foundation on which a lasting marriage will rest.

If it requires waiting a hundred years, we must be convinced that God will condition us and give us the strength to wait, and that at the end of our wait will be a tremendous reward. The Apostle Paul gives us a picture of what this looks like in Philippians 4:11-13(NLT). He said, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

We can’t afford to put our purpose on pause for any person or any reason. God has no pleasure in watching His daughters yearn for a blessing year after year. He expects us to trust that the secret of living is knowing we can do everything He desires of us through Christ. The secret of living is being committed to follow the example Jesus Christ has given us. Be confident that even though you don’t see things coming together on the marriage front, they are. Let God see that you have placed your desire to please Him above all others. Be willing to spend however long it takes to prove this to Him. When our trust is firmly in God, He will do as He said in Isaiah 45:3 and give us treasures He’s stored up for us. He’ll do this so we will be convinced that He is the One True God, and He is a Father who never fails His children.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It’s Time!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 14, 2021