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  • The Only True Famous One!

    The Only True Famous One!

    Male celebrity with his bodyguard against a vehicle

    Years ago, my sisters and I were traveling and while waiting in the Atlanta airport one summer, we spotted a famous R&B group. They made a veiled attempt to travel incognito, wearing shades to hide their identities. Folks that are accustomed to the perks of celebrity often have an energy that craves attention; this musical group seemed to have this energy in abundance. My older sister recognized them instantly and was very excited to see them. Too nervous to ask herself, she told me to see if they’d give us an autograph. Having been in the company of a few celebrities myself, I had no reservations about walking up to them and asking the lead singer for his autograph. He didn’t acknowledge me at all, and just kept walking as if I wasn’t there. I was totally shocked at his arrogance and nonchalant attitude. I thought it was incredibly rude, and now that I’m older and wiser, I recognize that truly the only person worthy of being singled out and praised is the Lord Jesus Christ. We must get this straight so that when it comes to our future spouses, we’re attracting someone who is loving and not arrogant.

    I’m still amazed, even today, by the number of people who get beside themselves when they are around famous individuals. In Galatians 2, the Apostle Paul explains that he depended on the Holy Spirit to teach him the great truths of God’s Word. There were some in his day that were considered heavy weights in the faith, who were famous, prominent and had risked their lives to spread the Gospel, but Paul was not interested in the reputations of others. He was not focused on the work that others were called to carry out. He was focused on his relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and he was committed to carry out what God had called HIM to do. He said in Galatians 2:6(NLT), “And the leaders of the church had nothing to add to what I was preaching. (By the way, their reputation as great leaders made no difference to me, for God has no favorites.)” Sure, it’s great to meet those that have gleaned a certain level of success, but God doesn’t put one person higher than another. He sees us all the same.

    Proverbs 4:23(NKJV) warns us, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” We draw things to us based on what is happening in our hearts. Some individuals do nothing but complain about their lives. Not finding anything positive to converse about, they spew out negativity continually. They may say they are thankful for God’s blessings, but in their hearts, they are so busy feeling sorry for themselves that there is hardly any room left for gratitude. Speaking poorly about their conditions and the conditions of others, this person has a negative outlook on life. They have a negative attitude and mindset, and because of this, they attract to themselves the very thing that is in their hearts and minds. This creates a negative cycle that engulfs them. It is the very reason that God commands us in Ephesians 4:23 to be renewed in the spirit of our minds.

    Even before they’ve met their future spouses, some women are very willing to make the man their everything. This signals the heavens that she is poised to place the needs of the man over the requirements of Heavenly Father. To renew our minds is to have a change of heart. And not only must we renew our minds and change our hearts so that we never do this, but we must demonstrate the actions that back up our understanding of Matthew 6:33. We can place nothing before our relationship with Heavenly Father, not even our emotions.

    Psalm 24:1-5(NLT) tells us, “1 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. 2 For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths. 3 Who may climb the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? 4 Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. 5 They will receive the Lord’s blessing and have a right relationship with God their savior.”

    Unlike some celebrities, our Lord is beyond approachable. He is accessible 24/7, 365 days a year; anytime of day or night. And the best part of it all, He wants us to know Him in the most intimate way. He desires a relationship with each of us. We shouldn’t be star-struck by a mere mortal. No human being has come close to doing something on the level of laying the earth’s foundation or putting the sun, moon, and stars in orbit. Our God is our Savior! He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He’s the only true famous One, and when our relationship with Him is where it needs to be, our hearts will light up with the joy of Christ. Then we will please God, and He will set our feet on the path to the blessings we desire most. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “The Only True Famous One!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • More of We Than Me

    More of We Than Me

    My youngest daughter and I were reading one of her books before she went to bed. One of the sentences in the book stated, “I wish for more of we than me.” I instantly thought about how many single women are waiting for their status to be changed from ‘me’ to ‘we.’ They want their lives to include a man by their side instead of it always being themselves alone.  “We” encompasses what God has ordained for the man and the woman. He declared this in Genesis 2:18. In this verse, He tells us that it is not good for the man to be alone, so God made a helper for Adam and named her Eve. The ‘helper’ aspect of partnership is an attitude, willingness, and requirement that is part of the foundation for marriage. It is also true that a good many of us will let this ‘helper’ distinction of partnership slip by us, but it is a big mistake to do this, and here’s why.

    Truly God covers us in His amazing grace, but we can look at our own lives and see clearly that His grace does not exempt us from obedience, NOR does His grace reward us for disobedience. We can dance around this all day and all night, but the thing we need to pay attention to is the realities we face daily. We need to pay attention to what is rewarded in our actions and what is not, because rewards are the evidence of our diligent effort. ALL blessings are spiritual. If the blessing we desire most isn’t manifesting itself in our visible circumstances, this is a spiritual issue. Spiritual issues must be dealt with spiritually.

    God does not withhold blessings, and He doesn’t punish us for any reason. You might ask, “Well, why hasn’t my Mr. Right showed up?” To answer this question, we must come face to face with the truth God has told us in His Word. One of those truths is that God’s blessings continually flow; they never cease. In many cases, the blessings we seek are already in the earth. Your destiny partner may have been born around the same time as you were. He is in the earth right this very moment, doing his thing, as anxious to meet you as you are to meet him. The thing that separates you from him has everything to do with what is happening with you internally.

    Philippians 2:5(KJV) tells us, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” This is not a suggestion by any means. It is a direct commandment, and there is no wiggle room for error or personal interpretation. It is crucial that we learn to think a certain way in order to position and condition ourselves to receive, and this certain way is to think like Christ. It is to have the same attitude, behaviors, and motivations that he had. When it comes to the provision or presentation of a helper, this mind that is in Christ is the only mind that will guide us on the path to the blessing we’re seeking.

    The example of Jesus Christ contains all the lessons of life, but as it relates to marital partnership, there are simply some lessons about his example that we are not allowed to miss. The lesson of “WE” is at the top. The first set of instructions regarding “WE” can be found in the Words of our Master Jesus in Matthew 6:33(NKJV), where he tells us, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  The most important partnership of your existence is with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. When this relationship is where it needs to be, you will be rewarded with ‘all these things.” This is God’s promise.

    Something happens internally when the button for unyielding dedication to God is switched on in your soul. ‘Helper’ mode is activated. You no longer see yourself as “I”. You see yourself as someone that is purposed to achieve something meaningful for God’s Kingdom. You see yourself as a helper to your marital partner, and you see this as an EXTENSION of your partnership with God. This is a realization and comprehension that cannot come from the world. As you read and study God’s Word, the Holy Spirit can help you comprehend mentally and emotionally what is required of you for this deep dedication and commitment first to God, and then to your spouse. It is a dedication and commitment that first must be evident in your relationship with God, and out of your relationship with Heavenly Father, your union with a spouse can be birthed. Marital partnership is a reward for being committed to God. Without this commitment to God, it just doesn’t work.

    Often, when some people hear about the dedication and commitment God expects, they become offended and fearful. They think God expects them to be perfect, and this scares them because they believe it is a standard they are unable to meet. God has this part handled. He tells us in John 16:13 that His Holy Spirit that dwells within us will guide us to all truth. You and I are not perfect. We have been saved through God’s amazing grace, and there’s no mistake that we can make that Heavenly Father can’t correct, but our faith in Him must be constant. So, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being humble before God and recognizing that He alone can and will direct our paths and help us, but our allegiance to Him is the foundation upon which our future marriages must rest.

    Marriage is God’s institution, and it was created for His purpose. God knows the person that will best help us to fulfill our part in His Will and Plan. He knows the person that will greatly benefit from the kind of help we will provide. But you’ve got to play catch-up if there’s no evidence that ‘helper’ mode has been activated in your heart; because the level of commitment we have to this role as a helper of ‘WE’ is the thing that pulls the blessing closer.

    It is a given that we desire to share a bond with someone, but our desire for this bond should never outweigh or come before our commitment to serve God and expand His Kingdom. It is time for us to wake-up and recognize that Heavenly Father is looking at what we are doing today, this very moment, as a helper who is committed to HIM! This says all there is to say about the commitment we’re ready to make to be a helper to a spouse.■

    New King James Version (NKJV)
    Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “More of We than Me” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • There’s Nothing Like Getting What You Want

    There’s Nothing Like Getting What You Want

    Isaiah 40:31(NKJV)) says, “But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Every time I hear someone talk about how exhausted they are from dating the wrong person or waiting longer than they’d like to in order to meet the right person, I think of this verse in Isaiah 40:31. All blessings come from God. This is something we must remember continually, so we don’t end up getting tricked out of what is rightfully ours. We can become so impatient that we miss the very opportunity we’ve been waiting to receive. Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to miss out, and this is why He tells us to keep our minds focused on Him. He knows exactly what we need, and only He can give us the blessing that we really want.

    We shouldn’t try to force things, but the truth is that all of us get a little impatient. If we’re being honest, we must admit that we sometimes get tired of waiting for the blessing to manifest. As foreign as it might seem to our way of thinking, it’s actually waiting on the Lord that renews our strength. So even when our hearts are heavy from disappointment, there a few things we can do to help us mount up and stay energized and encouraged for the fulfillment of God’s promises.

    #1 Lean on God’s peace

    Not long ago, someone came to me with a heavy heart about the man in her life. She seemed fed up and exhausted as she expressed how disappointed in herself she’d become. She’s been waiting a very long time for a commitment from her boyfriend. They’ve been together off and on for almost five years and neither one of them have ever been married. She said to me, “I know in my heart that I love him so much, but my head is telling me enough is enough.” I was not about to advise her to follow her heart…OHHH NO! Our hearts don’t always lead us down the right path. What I did say to her was to allow the peace of God to rule in her heart first, so that she’s clear enough to make the right move.

    When we’re agitated and frustrated, we don’t think as clearly, and we miss things. This is when we tend to yield to impatience. A better strategy is to lean on God’s peace. When we cast aside worry, doubt, and fear, and pray in faith with a thankful heart, Philippians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

    #2 Conserve and Target your strength

    Isaiah 40:31 tells us that God will renew our strength. This lets us know that sometimes our strength dwindles, leaving us feeling depleted and empty. A relationship with a person that isn’t helping us grow spiritually can do this to us; it can deplete our reservoirs. Some of us invest all our energies into the wrong person, and then we don’t have the spiritual discernment or strength to even recognize or attract the right person.

    You and I are responsible for reaching out and grabbing the blessings with our names on them, and this takes spiritual strength. To make sure you’ve got something that God can renew, a wonderful practice is to conserve your spiritual strength. Then you can target it towards the person that deserves it and is destined to receive all that you are able to give.

    #3 Be joyful in the wait

    Proverbs 13:12(NLT) tells us, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” We are perfectly within our right to hope for marriage, but sometimes we place this hope in a person that isn’t a destiny partner; it’s not the person who can help us grow and thrive in the long run. When we don’t anchor our hope properly, it can become deferred, and we are often heartsick about it. This is especially true when it becomes clear to us that a relationship with a person isn’t going to work out. It hurts, but it shouldn’t cause us to abdicate our dream. The lesson from this is that we shouldn’t make the mistake of placing all our hope in a person. People will let us down, but God never will. Hope must be placed in God through the Lord Jesus Christ. A hope that is deferred can give us extra time to redirect it properly. This means that we will be committed to anchor our faith in God even more, and to be thankful that He is more committed to make our dreams a reality than we could ever be.

    There’s nothing like having hope in something or someone and then suddenly, your dreams become a reality! Heavenly Father wants us to experience this joy, and He’s helping us to achieve it. Romans 5:5(NIV) says, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” The wait for the blessings we desire can most definitely be challenging, but we must remember that God has given us His precious Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit is our proof that when we focus all our hope on the faithfulness of God, we will not be ashamed.

    There’s nothing like getting what you truly want, and this is why it is important to be patient in the process. We can be joyful in the wait because our Heavenly Father is helping us prepare to receive through the Lord Jesus Christ. No matter how long it takes, it is always better to wait on God so that the relationship we receive is the one we’ve always wanted. We can have confidence that if we remain prayerful and trust God with our whole hearts, we never have to worry about being disappointed, because God is faithful!■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “There’s Nothing Like Getting What You Want” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Just Right for YOU!

    Just Right for YOU!

    “Marriage is not for me – I just don’t see myself being with the same person year after year.”  Have you ever heard someone make this statement? I have, and I know folks over 50 that have never been married and still continue to feel this way. “Marriage just isn’t my thing…” is another statement I’ve heard some singles make more than a few times. Don’t get me wrong, I know full well that every person isn’t going to desire marriage, and we don’t need to be married in order to have a beautiful life. But if you don’t plan to ever get married, what’s the plan for physical intimacy? We know that God designed this aspect of marriage to bind a couple together in unity, so there’s an obvious question before many folks who hold the opinion that marriage isn’t for them. Is it fair to impede another person’s destiny or desire for marriage by binding yourself to them through sexual intimacy?

    God’s Word is the definitive authority on all things pertaining to life. If God says it, that is indeed IT! He’s left an indisputable key for us in the commandment He made to His people living in Old Testament times. For generations, God specifically commanded His children not to intermarry with people who worshiped idols or who had rejected His truth. We saw the repercussions of violating God’s commandment in the lives of Naomi’s sons, Mahlon and Chilion, in the Book of Ruth. They died young and left their wives widows, and their mother without a source of support.

    Some look at the wisdom of God’s statutes in ridicule. They think to themselves that these standards are not useful to Godly living today. This is a dangerous way to think. Our Heavenly Father’s wisdom is unmatched. None of us can fathom His magnificence and intelligence. He hasn’t changed, nor will He ever change. The precedent He set was unquestionable. He didn’t want His children to take on the energy and be affected by the erroneous beliefs, habits, or cultures of those who would never turn to Him or make Christ the Lord of their lives. In Deuteronomy 23:3-4(NLT), He told them, “3You must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, 4 for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods.”

    Some of us bind ourselves to people we have no business bonding with. The best way to prevent this from happening is to ask God whether we are making a mistake before we make it. There’s such a thing as transference. Some refer to it as transmutation, which is engaging in an action that causes your state of being to be altered or changed into something it wasn’t before. Sex does this. Not only is it unfair to mess with someone else’s spiritual journey this way, it’s a sin before God. And tons of people never repent for it.

    In Genesis 2:18(NLT), our Heavenly Father said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” This is the kind of loving Father our God is. He sees our need, and He wants us to depend on Him to fulfill it. But we have a part to play in this. We should try very hard not to alter someone’s spiritual journey or cause them to sin simply to satisfy our own physical pleasure. We are changed in ways we can’t begin to know when we take on the energy of others through physical intimacy. We should honor God and love ourselves enough to not let someone do this to us, and we should refuse to do it to anyone else. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Just Right for YOU!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Home Is Where Love Abides

    Home Is Where Love Abides

    From the outside, my mother’s house looks like any other traditional brick ranch.  Enter the front door, though, and you’ll feel like you’ve walked into a cottage of love. The memories of the home she made for us growing up reminds me of God’s wisdom in Proverbs 14:1(NLT). It says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” This truth speaks to God’s generosity in sharing the straightforward way in which He distinguishes a wise woman from a foolish woman. A wise woman builds, and a foolish woman tears down. One of the reasons this verse should be so important to us is because our Heavenly Father is a Righteous Judge. As single Christian women, we want to make sure that when He judges our actions, He can reward us in the present for what He knows we are committed to build in the future.

    I grew up in a small town in the south. People worked very hard and they were thankful to have jobs locally, so they’d be able to adequately care for their families. The amenities of city life were miles away, so we didn’t venture outside our small area much. If you wanted something glamorous, fancy, or eccentric, you were forced to use your resourcefulness and imagination if you had one. My mother definitely had one. She could turn the most insignificant objects into something beautiful. She’d cut branches from trees in the backyard, spray paint and decorate them beautifully, and made whimsical table arrangements; not just for our home, but for the neighbors as well. I’m amused sometimes when I see certain creations that people post on social media. They charge exorbitant amounts of money for them as if these are new discoveries. Those with limited resources and vivid imaginations have been making something out of nothing for years. This was commonplace with my mom. She made the ordinary seem extraordinary.

    When I purchased my first home, I knew I wanted to make my home feel like my mother’s. The colors on the walls, the type of furniture in each room, even down to the smell of the house when you walk through the front door. I wanted every detail to emulate warmth and love like my Mom’s home did, and still does. I wanted every person that came to my home to feel like they never wanted to leave.

    People love their childhood homes for different reasons, but as a single woman desiring marriage, the love of Christ is a characteristic that must be passed on to all those that will be influenced or impacted by our legacy. Ephesians 1:22(NLT) tells us, “God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church.” Letting the love of Christ rule our homes is for our benefit. It is the glue that keeps our unions and families strong. A nicely decorated interior makes a house look beautiful, but the love of Christ is what makes a beautiful home.

    Our home is the first place we should practice what we preach. It’s the place where the authority of Christ should reign supreme. God tells us in Ephesians 5:24-25(NLT), “24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”  We’re groomed in today’s world not to be too chumming with the word ‘submit’. Society has placed a very negative connotation on it. We think it means that someone can rule over us, tell us what to do, and we have to do it even if we don’t like it. Love will always require submission, we learned this from the sacrifice of Christ. He said in John 10:18(NLT), “No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded.” Christ yielded himself to the point of voluntarily giving up his own life for our sake. He didn’t have to do it. He did it because it pleased the Father. He did it because he loves God and he loves us.

    Jesus Christ submitted himself to the Father’s Will totally and completely. This is what God requires of us. Marriage teaches us this lesson so that we will have a greater understanding of what God requires. To submit is the greatest honor we can give a person. It conveys our humility. Husbands are not taking something from us as wives. We are willingly yielding and submitting, and we can do this under the authority of Christ because of what we’re getting in return. The husband is commanded to love the wife as Christ loves the church. This is the greatest love we could hope to receive.

    When God’s Word is followed and obeyed, the outcome is always going to be a blessing. Rewards will chase us down when our commitment is to honor God preeminently. So, the question we need to focus our attention on is what are we doing now to create a home where the love of Christ abides? This tells the true story about our preparedness to maintain a loving and warm home once we’re married. We must take care that we’re established in the practice of building up and not tearing down. We may not be able to do what our mother’s have done, but God has given us our own brand of special, and He will reward us if we’re diligent to have a home where the love of Christ will abide.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Home Is Where Love Abides” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Do I Stay or Do I Go?

    Do I Stay or Do I Go?

    Eloise was approaching a milestone birthday and was planning for it a month in advance. She was excited because this year, she had someone new in her life. Eloise had been single way longer than she wanted to be, and she had done what many singles do, and that’s put certain aspects of their lives on hold until marriage. She didn’t go to certain functions because she didn’t like not having someone by her side, and there were also vacation spots, like Hawaii, that she put on hold so she could share them with her future spouse. She even put off purchasing a home, because again, in her mind this is something you do with your husband. Wanting and waiting to share special memories with a spouse is beautiful, but living life to the fullest is something we should do whether we’re married or not.

    As the days grew closer to her birthday, Eloise noticed that the man in her life hadn’t mentioned any plans. She hoped this was because he had been planning to surprise her. She looked for subtle hints in their conversations, but nothing surfaced, and she began to get nervous. Finally, a couple of days before her big day, he called during her lunch break at work. Before their conversation ended, she casually reminded him of her birthday and asked if they’d be doing anything together. In a very matter of fact manner, he replied, “It’s up to you. If you want to go out, we can.” Not quite the response she was looking for.

    As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, the one aspect of our lives that you and I have to get right is the commitment and action of love. One day, an expert in Jewish law asked Jesus Christ which of the commandments is most important. In Mark 12:30-31(NLT), Jesus responded, “30 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Not only is it important that we love in the way that Christ has commanded, but it is important that we love ourselves this way as well. When we love ourselves, there are certain things we simply won’t accept. This increases our faith and causes the same quality self-love to boomerang back to us.

    Romans 5:8(NLT) tells us, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” This verse tells us of God’s unconditional, unlimited love. When we become born-again, and receive the Spirit of Christ, we then have God’s love deposited within. The more we learn about Heavenly Father, the more we are able to love like Christ. This is God’s goal for each of us. He wants us to love Him, to love others, and to love ourselves through the love of Jesus Christ.

    So, God doesn’t just tell us to love Him and others, through Jesus Christ, He actually showed us how to get this done. He sent His only begotten Son to earth to show us the way. As women who love God, many of us have taken this and ran with it. We are committed to continue learning to love like Christ. We practice this in our relationships, because we love like we want to be loved. We’re thoughtful and considerate, and we go out of our way to make sure the special person in our lives feels appreciated. If we’re not getting this back, that should be a wake-up call.

    You see, Heavenly Father knows that when we are confident in our understanding of the love of Christ, we are then better able to set boundaries and wisely define our expectations. We understand our worth to God, and therefore, we won’t accept treatment that isn’t in alignment with God’s love for us. This isn’t about ego. When you are confident in your own ability to love like Christ, you can then recognize and look for the exit sign when someone isn’t loving you that way in return.

    Eloise shared with her boyfriend from the very beginning that her desire was to be married. He didn’t run from it, but he hadn’t done anything to lead her to believe he wanted marriage as well. When her birthday finally arrived, her boyfriend took her out for a nice dinner. After dinning, she told him how much she enjoyed their evening. She also said she hoped it was the start of their future together. His response was, “I hear what you’re saying, but you don’t have to constantly remind me!”

    She was crushed by his words. She hadn’t nagged him, but sometimes the tension of desperation doesn’t need to be spoken in order to be felt. It was clear that he wouldn’t be as thrilled to share those special moments with her as she had always dreamed. So, the question she found herself facing was should she stay in the relationship and continue to hope, or does she cut all ties and move on with her life, committed to live it to the fullest.

    It takes some of us a while to learn that seeking and pursuing God’s Will first is the best way to love ourselves and to live a fulfilling life. A caring and supportive spouse is one of God’s sweet rewards, but just because a man is interested, it doesn’t mean he’s the reward. We must continue to have faith and trust in Heavenly Father that the right one will come. God knows what is best, and at the end of the day, we should only want what He wants for us. It will be a person who mirrors His love and adds to the fullness we already have in Christ.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Do I Stay or Do I Go?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • God Sees the Best in You

    God Sees the Best in You

    When Lisa met her boyfriend Ryan, she was the heaviest she’d ever been. She was always a plus-size woman, but she thought that if she trimmed down, maybe Ryan would find her more attractive.  Men are notoriously visual creatures, and some are attracted only by physical appearance, but not all men are this way. Ryan wasn’t focused on Lisa’s waistline, as a matter of fact, he thought she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever met. Lisa’s self-esteem was so affected by how she had been treated in other relationships, that she didn’t have confidence in herself or her relationship with Ryan. She thought if he knew about her battle with self-esteem and weight, he might find her less attractive. She was shocked when she learned the truth about how he really felt.

    Our struggles with self-esteem cannot help but spill over into our relationships with the significant man in our lives. Insecurities can manifest in all sorts of ways in a relationship—ways that you and I can never predict. Insecurities can show up as jealousy, apathy, obsession, and distrust. Sometimes these things drive a wedge that ultimately result in the demise of the relationship. It’s a fear of not being good enough the way we are. All of us should do things to improve our health and well-being, but we should do it because we love and appreciate ourselves, not because we’re trying to please someone else.

    If we pray and have faith, the Lord Jesus Christ will help us manage the journey to wholeness and feeling good about ourselves, but we should know that it is indeed a journey. For some, it takes longer than others to get to a place of self-acceptance; and as we travel to this place, we still have to keep growing spiritually and fulfilling our obligations to the faith. Dealing with insecurities, while also maintaining a relationship you hope will lead to marriage, takes an unwavering commitment to be guided by the Lord. He desires that you have someone in your life that is understanding and will support you through the process of learning to appreciate yourself.

    Many of us pay a lot of attention to the way we look. We’ll go the extra mile to ensure we’re keeping up with the latest trends in fashion and beauty, because we want to look our best. I believe Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy looking and feeling as good as we can, however, like anything in life, some of us take it to the extreme. We either become too hard on ourselves about our appearance, or we obsess about looking perfect. The danger is that whenever anything consumes too much of our energy, it subtracts from the energy we should be expending on our spiritual growth and relationship with God.

    In Hebrews 12:1(NLT), the Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Nothing comes before our destiny in Christ, and nothing should come before carrying forth the purpose for which we were born. Every believer has a race to run, and it is important to God that we be about the business of running it.

    When God tells us to strip off the sin that weighs us down, insecurities and obsessions are very definitely included in the stuff we need to get rid of. God knows our past, present, and future; this is something that must always be in the forefront of our minds. When relationships fall apart, or when you meet someone you dig and he doesn’t dig you, if you remember that God’s objective is for you to fulfill your destiny, you won’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll be confident that things didn’t work out because this person isn’t meant to journey forward with you.

    Genesis 1:27 tells us that God created human beings in His own image. If we look a little deeper, Psalm 8:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. 6 You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority—”This is how Heavenly Father sees us. When He looks upon our lives, He doesn’t see our flaws. He sees the Christ in us; therefore, He sees the best in us. He knows that you’re on the way to becoming who He’s destined you to be.

    He presents us with a person that will help us—a person that will help to strengthen our strengths and diminish our weaknesses. This is who Ryan was to Lisa. God presented her with someone that wouldn’t run when he saw parts of her that she didn’t want anyone to see. About six months into their relationship, he said “I’ve noticed you’ve lost weight lately; is there a particular reason why? I’m only asking because I want you to know that I love you—I loved you before you lost the weight and I love you if you never lose a pound. You’re beautiful either way to me.”

    The words that Ryan spoke were incredibly healing to her soul. This is what God means when He commands the man to love His wife as Jesus Christ loves the church. It’s an unconditional love that strengthens and helps us fulfill the Will of God for our lives. We should never doubt that when we’re patient and committed to pray and seek God’s Will, He’ll send a person across our paths that will mirror His love for us. It’s someone who helps us on our journey towards healing and wholeness. And it’s also someone who’s love will remind us continually that God wants the best for us, and He’s faithful to honor His promises.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    “God Sees the Best in You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Tongue of the Wise

    The Tongue of the Wise

    Hebrews 11:6 tells us that our Heavenly Father is a Rewarder to those that diligently seek Him. This should be important to us because all of us should want to please God, and all of us like rewards. They are the subject of many of our prayers. We desire and want blessings that will bring us fulfillment, and we also believe these blessings will help us express ourselves more fully. It’s one of the reasons we desire to partner with a compatible person. We should have confidence that God also desires this for us. He wants to bless us with a wonderful partner that we can share our lives with. Heavenly Father wants this person to be a blessing to us, and He also requires that we be a blessing to them as well. Again, this is His requirement; it’s not a suggestion. You and I can never underestimate the value God places on diligence and stewardship. Spiritual preparation is key to planning for a successful marriage, because God requires that we demonstrate discipline in the areas that keep a marriage strong. One of these areas concerns our mouths—what we say, how we say it, and when we say it.

    “Hey, what’s up big guy.” This is what Vicki says to Jimmy whenever she sees him. She totally ignores the fact that he’s lost over 100lbs and has kept this weight off for the last three years. It doesn’t matter when or where she sees him, the first words out of her mouth is ‘big guy’, and he hates it!  He’s never told her how much it irritates him to hear those words after the struggle he endured to lose all that weight. He said to me, “Vicki is just a co-worker and she’s not someone that I run into that much, but it just shows me that no matter how much you try to change your life, some people will still only see what they want to see.”

    How many of us have done this? Proverbs 12:18(NLT) tells us, “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” As believers, most of us understand that we shouldn’t deliberately make cutting remarks that can potentially hurt someone’s feelings, but some of us tend to do this without realizing it. When Jimmy told me how he felt about Vicki’s comments, his words hurt my heart, and he’s right; people see what they want to see. Sometimes, they need something to wake them up and to stop them in their tracks, so they’ll look at their actions and change.

    As someone’s future spouse, it is important to remember that everyone isn’t at the same level of spiritual maturity. By the same token, everyone isn’t at the same level of emotional maturity. We all have tender places in our hearts where wounds still exist. Hurtful words can cause a world of damage, and although we can apologize for them, we can never take those hurtful words back. Proverbs 18:21(KJV) tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” As believers, our responsibility to the faith is to speak life. In Ephesians 4:32, God tells us to be kind and tenderhearted to each other. We are to be models of Christ before our spouses, God requires it. If we have an attitude of carelessness as it relates to what comes out of our mouths, then we need to change this so we can be the spiritually mature spouses God desires us to be.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Tongue of the Wise”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Weeding Out What Isn’t Working for You

    Weeding Out What Isn’t Working for You

    I’m letting you know up front that this is going to be one of those teachings that encourages you to keep on fighting for the life you want, but I’m also aiming to do something else. I’m going to tell you what God says we must do in order to obtain and maintain the blessing we’re praying so fervently to possess. It is a message for those that are single, and they are praying to cross paths with the person God is going to present to them. The emphasis should be placed on the reality that God is the One to make the presentation. He takes care of this part. The believer’s responsibility in the situation is to believe. “To believe what?”, you might ask. We must believe God’s Word. This is critical to securing the marital union you desire. And one of the major reasons why it is so critical may be something you’ve never thought about.

    If you’ve been single for a while, you’ve learned a few things about what works and what doesn’t work. How do you know what doesn’t work? The only way that you and I can judge if something isn’t working is to stack it up against the truth of God’s Word. Our beautiful single and saved sisters will go to classes, seminars, and try several ways to secure what they desire, but the question to ask is whether those things are actually in the Will of God for your life. The world offers many gimmicks for getting what we want most, but problems are not solved by gimmicks; they are band aids. Only the Word of God can solve problems.

    There are times when you feel as though you’re getting close. You may sense that something has shifted in your flow, and you start to feel optimistic about things. Then, after a while, when nothing pans out, it just takes the wind right out of you. In a situation like this, the foundation of hope and optimism slips from beneath your feet, and your heart sinks yet again. But that’s just it, sisters in Christ, these feelings show us the kind of foundation we were building our hope on. In other words, the foundation you thought you had, and the foundation God expects to see in you are sometimes two different things.

    Whether it is firm or shaky, our whole lives are resting on a foundation. The foundation that God expects to see in us is one built on Jesus Christ. He especially wants to see this in us before we get married. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 7:24-25(NIV), “24 Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

    When something is taking a really, really long time to come to pass, this might be a hint that weeding out what isn’t working for you is the best course of action. The critical piece of information that you and I must know is that God cannot reward us if we refuse to make our foundation strong. If our foundation is shaky, it can’t hold the weight of the blessing we seek. This is something most of us never consider. The key to unlocking the door to blessings is following the Will of God for your life. There is absolutely no compromise on this truth. Heavenly Father desires us to grow in the example of Jesus Christ, and God never gives up on His plans. Our desire for marriage is not as important as God’s Will being done.

    Moses told God’s people in Deuteronomy 4:9(NIV), “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Longevity, permanence, and unfailing are Heavenly Father’s trademarks. Eternity is His brand and it is always on His mind. He is interested in preserving His Word so that people will have it in their hearts forever. This is why there must not be a compromise in our minds and hearts when it comes to the perfection of His Word. The world cannot tell us what is right. The standard of God’s Word must be our aim, and when our commitment is unmovable when it comes to what God says, the blessings we desire most are sure to come.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    “Weeding Out What Isn’t Working for You” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • I See You!

    I See You!

    1 Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is not the author of disorder, confusion, or chaos, but He is the One True God of peace. This yummy morsel of knowledge is extremely consequential to any believer’s quest to partner with the person that God will present to them. If we start the journey towards marital partnership from a place of disorder, confusion, and chaos, we will more than likely witness results that come with these attributes. We will meet with frustration and perhaps even exasperation. A better way is to check out what God has to say on the matter BEFORE we begin this quest, because the bottom line is that He is the One who does the presentations. If we’re faithful to His Word, He will present us with the person who will love us the way we deserved to be loved.

    I don’t know many believers today that haven’t read or haven’t heard about the verses in Genesis 3:8-9(NLT), where Adam and Eve hid from God. It tells us, “8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” You and I can never, ever forget that our destiny in Christ must be the focal point of our motivation every day. We have a destiny! It is the storage container for everything in life we’re supposed to do, everything we’re supposed to be, and everything we’re supposed to have. Nothing about us and the life we’re destined to live is hidden from God. He knows every nook and cranny of our existences. It’s impossible to hide from Him. When Heavenly Father called out to Adam and said, “Where are you, Adam?” Of course God knew Adam’s physical location. He called out to Adam in this way because Adam had lost his identity. He betrayed his destiny by allowing the devil to steal it. Adam was no longer the person God created him to be. He had lost his sacred connection to Heavenly Father—he lost his holiness.

    When God looks at us, He is looking to see the Christ in us; for Colossians 3:3 affirms that our real life is hidden in Jesus Christ. If our character, behaviors, attitudes, and lifestyles are not aligned with the person we are destined by God to be, the question to us is “where are you?” God has blessings to give us, but if we’re hiding from the truth of who we are, those blessings can’t find us.

    I play hide-and-seek with my daughter, and she loves to hunt for the perfect spot to hide. But when I find her on every occasion, she grows tired of the game rather quickly. We, too, will get tired of the game, and many of us will throw up our hands in despair, thinking that God isn’t cooperating with our efforts to get married. Many of us wear ourselves out playing the game of trying to hide our sins from God and from the rest of the world. We can’t be hidden in Christ and hidden in sin at the same time. We may tell ourselves that we can continue doing what we’ve always done, and that God will excuse it or give us a pass, but God doesn’t play games. He says what He means and means what He says. He sees all and knows all, nothing is hidden from Him. He has commanded that we honor Him by obeying His Word, and He will not reward us when we don’t.

    Our Heavenly Father knows our thoughts, good and bad. He knows what we’re going to do before we even think about doing it. He still chooses to love us. He doesn’t stop loving us when we don’t do what He expects. But we should know that He desires us to stop trying to hide our sins; instead we should just stop sinning. He has empowered us through Jesus Christ, and we are who God says we are. There should be no more hiding behind the lies of sin. It is a shame for God’s daughters to persist year after year without marital partners to love and honor them. God wants us to come out of this shame and stop allowing the fear of loneliness and lack to rule over us. This isn’t who we are.

    God sees the real ‘you’. This is the person you are destined to become. This is the wife you are destined to become. For the benefit of your soul, consider taking a break from all negativity, and use the time to draw near to Heavenly Father. Ask Him what you should be doing, how you should be doing it, and when you should do it. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you along the path to marriage and trust the Lord Jesus Christ to steer your life in the direction he desires. Don’t allow anything to be a roadblock to the life God desires you to have. Let your life be hidden in Christ so that when it comes to your blessings, God never has to ask, “where are you?”

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “I See You!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.