Finding A Christian Man

Instant Love

October 23, 2016

Spiritual Preparation for Marriage Lessons

“Can’t tell yawl young folks nothing – think you know everything!” If I had a dollar for every time my siblings, cousins, and I heard my grandmother and aunts make this statement when I was growing up, I’d probably have a few extra thousand to spare. Now that I’m a mother, I find myself saying the exact same thing to the young folks in my family.

The Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13:11 (NLT), “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” As adults, we should have learned, some of us through hard knocks, that the results will be disappointing when we do things quickly without minding the details and taking the time to do it right. This was the thing that roused my grandmother and aunts more than anything else. They didn’t like the way we rushed through things without being detailed, just so we could do them as quickly as possible.

Those of us that have made costly mistakes by neglecting this very basic and pivotal lesson of taking our time to do things right, become frustrated when we see our youngsters neglecting it as well. It’s equally as frustrating to see adults still taking this childish approach to life. The Word teaches us that when we grow up, we should put away childish things. Some of us took this lesson to heart, but if your experience is anything like mine, you’ve seen plenty of full-grown folks kick this one to the curb. You’d think they didn’t learn a thing about patience and discipline growing up.

There’s a saying that conveys the notion that success is built from the bottom up, not the top down. This indicates that a person has to do some grunt work at the bottom in terms of putting tools and resources together, and then systematically organizing the work that needs to be done. After this, the hands on part of construction can begin. The person can then build layer after layer; elevating themselves higher in the process. As a single person desiring to be married, this is a very good analogy of what is required on our parts.

In the day and time in which we now live, the word “instant” is a surefire enticement. We want things now and not later. The problem with this is that God doesn’t respond to our needs just because we see them as being quick, fast, and in a hurry. One of the reasons why tribulations hit us so hard is because we don’t want to allow for the element of time to bring wisdom and healing. We expect for hurt and pain to dissipate almost immediately, even if we’ve had a hand in creating or causing it for others.

The capacity to love is something that has to be built and cultivated. When it comes to worship and praise, we are incapable of presenting God with something acceptable without the indwelling Holy Spirit’s help. He, the Spirit, extends to us the capacity to go deep in our souls and produce something of genuine repentant and holy quality. He helps us to have an Abel offering of love, rather than a Cain one.

In 1Corinthians 13:10 (KJV), God tells us, “But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.” The notion of instant love can be very alluring, but it represents something that is in part. Like everything else that is in part, it will fall by the wayside in order to make way for the real deal, which is the love of Christ. This is the kind of love that God wants us to build in our hearts.

You see, God is teaching us about Himself. He’s an all-powerful, all-knowing, loving Father. Nothing He does is half-way. He gave us the best. We’re to be like Him; therefore, you and I have no other choice but to be extremely interested in giving the best as well. This means that we have to get our hearts and minds to a point where we’re truly comprehending God’s love, so we can in turn funnel it through to others.

When we’re not as well formed in spiritual maturity as we should be, we will want instant love as quickly as we can have it. We want food quick, we want to get to our destinations quick, we want forgiveness quick…it goes on and on. When this is our attitude, it’s difficult to make wise decisions. Proverbs 12:15 (NLT) warns, “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” The consequences of making quick decisions about love are very costly. Heavenly Father wants us to meet the love of our lives, but we’ve got to do things His way. We must be patient with ourselves as God builds the capacity for long, lasting love in our hearts.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by Permission of Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide.

“Instant Love” written for FindingChristianMan.Com ©2016. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.

No comments on Instant Love
The Pruning Process

October 17, 2016

Spiritual Preparation for Marriage Lessons

In John 15:1,2 (NLT), during the time that many biblical scholars believe was at the close of the last supper, Jesus Christ taught the disciples one of the most prolific lessons of living a spiritual life. He said, “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. ²He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.” Before we can truly understand the meaning of this verse, we need to know a little bit about exactly what pruning entails. Pruning is a practice that involves removing selective parts of a plant or tree, such as its branches, buds, or roots. This is necessary to improve and maintain the overall health of the plant or tree. Pruning is very often targeted towards branches that are diseased, damaged, or non-productive, because these diseased, damaged, or non-productive branches are a hindrance to the entire tree. They keep the tree or plant from functioning in a way that yields continuous beauty, growth, and fruit. There are a variety of different pruning techniques, but when it comes to the Master Gardener, our Heavenly Father, we don’t need to worry about the techniques; all we need to know is that we’re being pruned for a purpose.

John 15:3-4 (NLT) says, “You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” Jesus Christ told the disciples that they had already gone through the pruning process. They were purified by the message he had given them. In this verse, we can see that he had given them very simple instructions that was instrumental to maintaining their pruned and purified status. He said “Remain in me.” This command suggests to us that the disciples had a choice. They could remain in Christ by following his example and ministry, or they could do the exact opposite. In other words, whether or not the disciples remained in Christ was dependent on their own volitional choice.

For the disciples, and for us as well, the benefit to remaining in Christ is beyond extraordinary! He said “Remain in me, and I’ll remain in you.” Do you see that?!!! You don’t get any better than this. Christ gave us a guarantee here. “There is no way that I’ll leave you alone.” he said. “There is no way that I’ll leave you to fend for yourself in this cold, dark world. No. I’m gonna be with you every step of the way; I’ll remain in you.” He tells us, but he then also warns us to be careful, because “A branch cannot produce fruit if it is cut-off from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

Jesus Christ is talking directly to the believers in this passage. He’s letting us know that he’s the vine, and that you and I can do things that will cause us to be cut-off from him if we’re not careful. It’s quite simple really. A person should be able to look at a Christian’s life and see the disciplines and rewards of Christianity. We look to see in them the deposition, attitude, and behavior of someone who models Christ. As for our beloved Savior’s part, he will never cut himself off from us, but that isn’t the case with many of us who are born again and living today. Sometimes we indulge in unfruitfulness. We commit actions and make choices that do not match the magnitude of our spiritual reality in Christ. This is how we cut ourselves off from him.

Fruit is designed to honor God. He doesn’t bother with plants that refuse to produce, but for those of us who intend to honor God, the pruning process is inescapable and unavoidable; thank the Lord for it. John 15 tells us that God prunes the branches that DO bear fruit, so that they will produce even more. So producing fruit the first time was a great blessing, but being pruned to produce even more fruit is a pressed down, running over the top blessing. So we should do everything we can to cooperate with Heavenly Father as He prunes us for His glory, and for ours.

Many Christians are as miserable as can be, and it’s because they’re walking around dragging diseased, damaged, or non-productive branches that God pruned a long time ago. These Christians are unfruitful because they won’t recognize God’s pruning expertise. Those branches should have fallen off by now, but we’ve hot glued ‘em, taped them, and tried some of everything else we can find to keep those dead branches attached to our lives.

1Corinthians 6:18 says, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” There are many Christians who, even after committing themselves to be their best for God, are still indulging sexual sin. We know better, but we’ve grown comfortable with business as usual. This is a dead branch.

Anything that does not grow will die, and everything that wishes to sustain life will seek to grow. Simply put, in order for life to continue, growth is inevitable. A person who no longer wishes to thrive by reaching out to others with the love of God, and growing in His grace every day, is a person who has branches that need to be removed. God is not slack. He knows exactly what needs to be pruned in our lives. He knows exactly how to remove the dead branches, but we have to be a willing vessel in order for the pruning process to be complete. Again, for many of us Heavenly Father has pruned those dead branches, but He will not remove them from our lives if we refuse to let them go.

The people…the situations…the consequences we encounter are not the dead branches. They are the mirrors that reflect and reveal the things that we have refused to let go. God is pruning you to receive all the wonderful blessings He has in store for you. So don’t ever work against the pruning process of our Heavenly Father. Realize that sinful attitudes and actions keep you from the blessing of marriage, but as soon as you release them, God can move you closer to the blessings you truly desire. ■

No comments on The Pruning Process
You Are More than Enough

October 17, 2016

Devotions

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
James 1:2-4(NLT)

Like many women across the globe, I have faced the hurt from a broken heart, and I know that when you’re hurting in that way, all you want is a remedy to make the pain go away. I’ve known this passage in James 1:2-4 for quite some time, but when I was going through this situation of heartache, I couldn’t imagine being joyful in the midst of my troubles.

This passage encourages us to take a different approach to pain. God doesn’t tell us not to feel the hurt, but He commands that we take our focus off what has transpired and put it on what He will do for us in the final outcome.

We can’t change the past, no matter how much we might want to. The absolute best thing that we can do for ourselves is to leave the past IN the past. Verse 3 is letting us know unequivocally that our faith is going to be tested. Be clear that God isn’t testing our faith, because He already knows what we’re made of. The enemy is the one doing the testing, because he wants to see how far we are willing to step outside our commitment to God.

We know that the enemy meant to cause us harm, but our Great God will take what the enemy means for bad and turn it around for our good. Through our pain and heartache, we learn endurance. We learn to be patient and wait on God as He not only teaches us how to be strong, but also turns our situations around in the process.

James 1:3 also encourages us to ‘let it grow…” In other words, God is telling us that we have a choice. We don’t have to grow in Christ, but it is to our overwhelming advantage to do so. When faced with adversity, God has given us a way to handle it. He’s telling us to let it be a steppingstone to higher spiritual heights. We do this by having faith in Him and making a deeper commitment to spiritually grow, but we don’t have to do this. As a matter of fact, many women don’t.

Rather than looking up, they’ll look down and see the broken relationship that has hit the ground and broken into a million pieces. Instead of growing in endurance and rededicating themselves to Christ, they will use their time and emotional resources very unwisely by trying to pick up those broken pieces on the ground.

This is almost always a waste. James 1:4 tells us that when we’ve grown and matured to full development, we’ll be complete in Christ. We will have gleaned a fuller understanding of God, a closer relationship with Him, and a better appreciation for our own worth and value. When you get to this place, you clearly see that truly you don’t need anything or anyone to make you more than what you are. You’ll understand that through Christ you are more than enough, and you are prepared to receive someone who will truly appreciate it.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“You Are More Than Enough” written for FindChristianMan.com for the Glory of God through the Lord Jesus Christ! copyright © 2019. All rights reserved.

No comments on You Are More than Enough
God Gave Him to Me – Part 2

October 9, 2016

Spiritual Preparation for Marriage Lessons

Our attitude must be like the psalmist in Psalms 56:4 (NLT) “I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” God wants us to have the best, and we can’t be afraid to relinquish that which is no longer useful to our journeys in order to make room for something that is much better for us. He said in Psalms 91:14 “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.”

Fear cripples our efforts to move forward, because it displays a lack of trust in Heavenly Father. We have to understand how incredibly serious and meaningful this walk in Christ is. Every decision we make is spiritual and will impact our relationship with God in some way, so it behooves us to be doubly sure that we are doing those things that bring us closer to Him. He rescues those who love Him, and protects those who trust in Him, but trust we must.

Patricia was a Christian woman, but even if it was on a subconscious level, she believed that her relationship with God had its place, and this place was separate from her love life. On one hand was the church Patricia, and on the other hand she was the ‘Patricia’ that she presented to the world. She had never reconciled the two. It was a duality that seemingly allowed her to keep each foot wedged in the door of both worlds—a life that indulged the pleasures of the flesh while at the same time looking the part of a spiritually together sister when necessary.

Jesus Christ warned the disciples in Matthew 6:24(NLT) “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other.” The truth of what Jesus Christ is saying is that life does not tolerate duality. God’s laws are etched in stone. He does not change and neither does His immutable laws. We can try and bend them if we choose, but it will most assuredly be a futile exercise. You and I have to make choices that clearly signify that we choose God, over and over again, without hesitation—without reservation—without deviation.

Heavenly Father created the universe to reward only those decisions and choices that are made with this kind of conviction, because this is the only way that proves that you truly have His love anchored in your heart. Only God knows if you, as a single Christian, have gotten to this place in your walk with Him, but if you haven’t, you should know that this is what He expects, and He will continue to help you get there. Jesus Christ went on to tell us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God first in all things. Patricia didn’t do that, but at any point she can turn things around. She can muster the courage to turn Jason loose and let him be free to walk his own path—one that doesn’t include her. She can begin to trust God explicitly by understanding that she truly does deserve a man who loves her the way that Christ loves the church, and that putting God first is the only way to guarantee that she can love this man that same way too.●

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

No comments on God Gave Him to Me – Part 2
God Gave Him To Me!

October 9, 2016

Spiritual Preparation for Marriage Lessons

Jason Bellamere is a licensed commercial heating, ventilation, and air conditioning technician who has owned a small HVAC franchise for the last ten years. And in case you didn’t know, heating, ventilation, and air conditioning (HVAC) techs earn quite a nice living. He’s 37, slightly balding on top, has the cutest dimples you’ve ever seen, and has a smile that is nothing short of sensational. He’s a cutie, no question about it, and he’s a really nice guy too, but guess what? He’s not ready to get married. He doesn’t have any children, has never been married, and he’s always enjoyed the flexibility and perks of being a single, financially secure and attractive man. Patricia Gray met him almost two years ago and they’ve been dating off and on ever since. In her mind they have an exclusive relationship, but Jason has never verbalized this kind of commitment to her. He likes Patricia a lot and sometimes he feels as though he loves her, but he’s not sure. Jason knows how much Patricia cares for him and he has tried not to hurt her, but lately he’s been feeling as though she is getting too serious. He felt he had to do something, so a few weeks ago he told her flat out that they didn’t want the same things. He told her that he didn’t see marriage in their future.

Patricia was devastated initially. Most women would consider Jason to be a great catch and she knows it, but you wouldn’t think that she was the sort of woman who would beg a man to stay. She’s successful in her own right, and brings as much to the table financially as Jason, but to her surprise she was more emotionally invested in him than she ever thought she could be. At 38, she had been going on dates for years without meeting anyone that had even come close to a man like Jason.

Those were what she called her drought years, and they had lasted longer than she cared to mention. Patricia didn’t want to repeat a spell like that ever again. She wanted it to be finally behind her. So when she met Jason, quite naturally she assumed that he was an answer to her prayers. This is why, after thinking over his honest, yet hurtful, summation regarding their relationship, she did something that she never thought she would. She resigned in her mind that he was worth the wait. She would take whatever Jason was willing to give, in hopes that one day he would change his mind about their relationship.

In 1Corinthians 13:11 (NLT), the Apostle Paul said “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” When it comes to relationships with men, as women, very often times we never get to this place emotionally—a place where we put away childish things. We find ourselves gravitating towards fantasies rather than reality, and we cling to the fantasy for dear life, no matter the cost. This is exactly what Patricia did.

When faced with the reality of Jason’s true feelings, Patricia chose to retreat to childhood fears—those of being lonely, abandoned, and insecure. She reasoned that it was better to take her chances on half a prince than no prince at all. She liked being with Jason, and couldn’t see herself with anyone else. Quite frankly, she didn’t want anyone else; she wanted him, and she didn’t want to go back to where she was before Jason came into her life. He had never been unkind. He was fun to be around, and he was very good looking. Consciously, this is the thought process that led to her decision to remain in this relationship.

In the meantime, they would continue to date, and she would continue to indulge in physical intimacy with him. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that this, too, would help to persuade him to someday make her his wife.

Even though from the outside looking in, Patricia and Jason looked like the ideal couple, this was not God’s best—far from it. Jason could have pumped the breaks and said to Patricia, “I can’t do that to you. I won’t take advantage of you by sexing you up, all the while knowing that I have no intentions of marrying you. I think too much of you to do that. Let’s just part ways.” A mature and truly caring man would have said that. Although Jason was fully grown, he lacked the kind of maturity to be unselfish and make a compassionate and thoughtful decision like this.

Patricia compromised her relationship with God in order to have a relationship with Jason. There is nowhere to go but down from there. Patricia didn’t think that she was doing anything terribly wrong, after all, she reasoned, “God gave me this man.” But God doesn’t give us people. He makes us stewards over their care WHEN we are spiritually prepared for the responsibility that comes with the job. God expects that we will love people that come into our lives by following the example of Jesus Christ, so that they have an up close and personal picture of God’s love in the flesh. That is what you and I are supposed to represent. Your man should feel as though you are a little piece of heaven, helping him to become better spiritually than he was before you came into his life, but Patricia wasn’t interested in Jason’s spiritual growth. It didn’t matter to her whether he grew in the Lord or not; she just wanted a warm body. She wanted a man with certain characteristics and Jason fit the bill.

To a large degree, she had destroyed her witness before him. Jason could no longer look at her and see the Christ within. He saw a woman who was willing to compromise her stand in order to keep him. And this was all because of her fear of being lonely; it was because of the agony of returning to those drought years that she had experienced at one time in her life. The periods of loneliness that so many women endure may indeed represent a season of drought, but what does any wise person do when facing a drought? He or she looks for food.

When it all boils down to it, it doesn’t matter how handsome or kind a person may be, he or she does not have the capacity to feed your soul. The Word of God is the only food nutritious enough to truly feed the pain of loneliness. Romans 12:2(NKJV) tells us, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” We have to allow God to fill our hearts as we study the scriptures and become transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is the only long-lasting and healing remedy for overcoming loneliness, by looking to God and allowing Him to teach us how to become strong—so that we don’t look to find in another human being what can only be found in Him.

No comments on God Gave Him To Me!
A Tender, Responsive Heart

October 9, 2016

Devotions

“And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 11:19 (NLT)

I know of a young woman in her twenties who, when asked about dating, constantly says that she wears her feelings on her sleeve. When it comes to dating men, she admits that she’s afraid of letting them get too close because of her fear that they will eventually break her heart.

There is always going to be a risk involved with choosing to love someone, and this risk is one of not knowing whether the other person will disappoint or hurt you deeply. We will often want God to protect us in such a way that we never get our hearts broken, but if you’ll take some time to really think about it, you’ll see that this is not a realistic expectation.

Human beings are not perfect. We come with deeply embedded dysfunctions and funkiness. Sometimes you don’t actually get to see this reflected in someone’s personality until you’re around them for an extended period of time. It is also possible that you can sense the real essence of a person within a matter of minutes. In either case, as singles desiring to be married, we’ll sometimes ignore these things, and doing so might lead to a hurtful situation down the road.

God doesn’t want us to get hurt, but life brings with it both joy and pain. One of the ways that God equips us for the pain is to follow His instruction in Proverbs 4:23. It warns, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Like the young woman I mentioned, many of us have tender hearts, but that doesn’t mean that our hearts have to be weak. No one had a more tender heart than Jesus Christ, but we also know that there wasn’t, or has ever been, a more strong-hearted individual on the face of this planet.

His heart was tender with compassion, and was full with God’s love. He never allowed himself to become obsessed with people or things. The friends of Jesus Christ and people he should have been able to count on disappointed him more than any of us can imagine, but he never allowed emotions of discontent to overrule his allegiance to the things of God. His faith was not shaken by emotions, situations, or people. This is the way we must operate as well. As single Christian women, nothing can ever be more important than pleasing and loving God. That’s how we guard our hearts, and it is how we remain stable and confident in Christ regardless of the disappointment and hurt we might experience.♦

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Tender, Responsive Heart” written for findchristianman.com© 2018. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

2 comments on A Tender, Responsive Heart