Category: Relationship advice

Matthew 17:20(NLT)
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

In front of her friends, Ruby puts on a very confident face, insisting that her faith is fully persuaded when it comes to marriage. She’s forever claiming and confessing it whenever the subject comes up, but the reality is that she hides her frustration and sadness about the wait from others. She wants her friends to think she has the faith to move that mountain called ‘being single’, but her circumstances paint a different outcome, and she feels hopeless. Ruby really doesn’t believe the words and confessions she’s speaking. For the last seven years she’s been talking about her wedding plans, but the truth is that her hopes are slowly slipping away. God doesn’t want this to happen for her, and He doesn’t want it to happen to any of us either.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. It is a totally persuaded and sold-out trust in God. One of the mistakes that we often make is to have more faith in the desire and reality of marriage than we do in the Giver of all good and perfect gifts. This was Ruby’s mindset. The possibility of marriage excites us all to no end, but we are nowhere near as excited about our Heavenly Father and all that He is.

God is in control. That is a truth that none of us can fail to understand. Whether we’re married, dating, or single, faith is the confidence in knowing that God is in control. You are not in the driver’s seat of things, God is. Life will continually teach us this lesson. God requires us to rest in Him completely, without worry, fear, or anxiety. The level of faith to simply trust God for our lives translates to intimacy in our relationship with Him. Growing in Christ and knowing God through His Word is way beyond enough to keep us enthusiastic about our all-powerful, all-knowing Creator. Again, this enthusiasm should not be based on what we’re expecting to receive from Him, it should be anchored in the reality of who God is.

Jesus Christ declared in Matthew 17:20 that we only need faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. By this, he is giving us an indication of how powerful faith is. A little bit of it will yield seismic results. So, when we digest this truth, we can’t help but question the strength of our own faith. For many of us, our believing and faith has not yet produced the results we seek. So, we come away feeling disappointed and insecure that the faith we’ve held has not yet been enough to move the mountain we call ‘single’. We wonder if it will ever be, and we become so dissatisfied that we don’t want to try anymore. We shouldn’t focus on that but focus on God.

In the Old Testament, the man, Job, had endured tremendous tribulation, and he wanted to have a conversation with God about a few things. In Job 42:2(NLT), he said to God, “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” This is another piece of knowledge about our Heavenly Father that ought to be deeply imbedded in our minds and hearts. Whether it is marriage or any other thing we desire in life, God’s purpose will never be prevented. Our temper tantrums, dissatisfaction, and upsets about the wait isn’t going to do us any good. God is the One with the plan for our lives, and rather than getting depressed about the mountain not budging, we need to be about building our faith in the omnipotence, love, and goodness of our God.

Hebrews 11:6(NIV) says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” This verse is not referring to faith in the blessings we desire. It’s talking about the kind of faith in God that increases the intimacy in our relationship with Him. Our relationship with God is built on trusting Him, regardless of our conditions and circumstances. It’s not about us getting what we want, it’s about giving God all that we are.

It’s impossible to please our Heavenly Father without the level of faith in Him that builds intimacy. Because we haven’t exhibited it in the past, but instead have been solely focused on marriage, we haven’t pleased God to the extent that He deserves. Every believer must make a shift in their minds and hearts, so that life becomes solely about God and our relationship with Him. The closeness we share with our Creator is what pleases Him, and when this is our great desire, the increase of faith becomes a very natural occurrence, and so does God’s rewards.

So many of us want to get married because we can’t wait to give our hearts to the man. When we meet him, guaranteed, we’re going to place our confidence in him without much effort at all. We want this so much because we desire deep connection and intimacy in the relationship with our future spouse. However, many of us haven’t surrendered ourselves to God to a level that exceeds what we’re so willing to surrender to someone else. We haven’t engaged the intimacy that God requires, but we are very willing to give it to a mere mortal.

In all those seven years, Ruby didn’t realize that God was calling her to get closer to Him, to stay in His face by staying in His Word. She overlooked James 2:17-18(NLT), when he said, “17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.” We don’t have to tell God how to bless us. It’s always a matter of backing our faith by demonstrating the deeds and actions that honor Him. God’s plan for your life was finished before He laid the foundations of the world. You already have the mustard seed of faith. Let your deeds and commitment to God match it, and watch the mountain move out of your way. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by Permission of Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide.

“The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

We’re living in a time that is like no other. We’re more intelligent than perhaps any other generation, and yet relationships seem to be much more complicated than they’ve ever been. Many single people are looking for compatible partners and complain that its like finding a needle in a haystack. Women say there aren’t any good men out there and men say the same about women. It’s a quandary that causes a tremendous amount of frustration and loneliness as a single person. We have to know that this isn’t what God had in mind when He presented Adam with Eve. He told them to cling to one another in the spirit of unity, and to be fruitful and multiply. He made it very simple, but sin turned it into something complicated. God never wanted this for a married couple, and if we want to partner successfully, we must heed His warnings and get back on track with the expectations of His Will.

The wrong person

Romans 8:29(NLT) says, “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” Our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us. He knows everything there is to know about us, and He has a plan for our lives. Even before we were formed in our mother’s womb, God chose the exact time and place of our births. There’s nothing random about us, and He wants us to understand this.

God always wants what is best for us, and God’s Will is always the best. His Will is that we become in every way like His first and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. We are to spend our lives learning to love, give, and share like Christ, but we have an enemy that will stop at nothing to prevent us from doing this. It’s one of the reasons we must not ignore the warnings in God’s Word about guarding our hearts. He tells us in Proverbs 4:23(NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Many of us haven’t approached our relationships with this level of diligence. We’ve allowed the wrong person into our hearts, and it has been the downfall of many.

Be clear that the devil knows your type. Getting you to fall deeply in love with someone sent by him is a very old trick of his. We should by no means be afraid of this, but God has warned us to be exceedingly careful. He tells us in 1Peter 5:8(NLT), “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” Heavenly Father wouldn’t warn us about the forces of darkness if they were not a danger. We are empowered through Christ to resist these attempts against us. We must be fully committed to lean on Heavenly Father for wisdom and discernment regarding our significant relationships, and if you haven’t heard from the Lord that this person is sent from Him, hit pause.

Don’t get lost in fairy tales

It’s a fairy tale to expect things to work out well when we fail to acknowledge God’s Word and Will. Faith is required to have lasting and meaningful relationships, especially in our day and time, and faith comes from hearing God’s truth. We can’t have a fairy tale mentality about what it takes to cross paths with the person that God has ordained to walk with us through life, and we can’t be lost in a fairy tale about what it will take to maintain unity and peace with this person.

We can’t build relationships on the world and its fantasies, and God has warned us not to attempt to do this. He tells us in Proverbs 4:25-27(NLT), “25 Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. 26 Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. 27 Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” Romance can be a beautiful thing, but it was never intended to be a fairy tale. It’s given to us to treasure the person that God sends.

1Corinthians 3:11(ESV) tells us, “For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” God warns us to keep the ways of Christ and never try to build on a foundation that wasn’t laid by Christ. He tells us in Matthew 7:26-27(NLT), “26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” Heed God’s warnings that protect your relationship with Him and your standing in Christ. Let God take care of your quest for marriage, and you take care of worshipping Him in truth, preserving yourself in holiness, and applying His Word to every aspect of your life.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Don’t Ignore the Warnings”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Jesus Christ has shown us that love requires sacrifice. He left his Father’s throne of immeasurable glory and splendor to come to earth. He came on a mission from God to save humankind. Our King was born in a manger, and this demonstrates his incredible humility. At any moment during his time on earth, he could have summoned a legion of angels at his side. He said in Matthew 26:53(NIV), “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” 12 legions is 72,000 angels. They would have been by his side in less time than a blink of an eye, but he didn’t summon them. He knew that sacrificing his life was his mission and endured the cross because of his overwhelming love for every person. Jesus Christ revealed the perfect and pure love of God, who sacrificed His one and only begotten Son for us all.

Jesus Christ has shown us the way to live through God’s love. His example is the one we must follow because he’s given us the standard of love that pleases God. It’s God’s standard of love, and it causes us to live according to God’s purpose. As women of faith, sometimes we underestimate God’s allegiance to His standards, and we have a mindset of accepting less than what God wants to give us. This is especially true in our desire for a real and lasting significant relationship.

God commands in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is God’s standard for the way a man should love his wife. This level of devotion sets the kind of loyalty and respect that all men should have for all women. It also sets the bar for the expectation of any woman praying to be a wife. As a woman, you can’t build this kind of capacity in a man. He should have it when you meet him.

I have a friend that was very sick with the flu. She sounded as bad as she was feeling. It was apparent she was having a rough time with it, and I was surprised to hear that she was handling things on her own. She rekindled a relationship with a male friend that she dated a while ago. Things were going well for the last few months, but her bout with the flu brought out something that was apparent to everyone but her. When I asked, she told me that her boyfriend knew how ill she was, but he didn’t come by, not even once. She said to me, “He did offer to bring me some soup, but I didn’t want to be a burden, so I told him not to bother.”

There’s a fundamental truth that every woman must know; if you accept it, that is all you will get. Some of us expect that our love will make a man gain a greater capacity to love overnight. It simply isn’t true. Only the love of God can transform a person, and to love God is to do what He says. 1John 2:5(NLT) tells us, “But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him.” As women of faith, this must be the foundation of all that we do.

God expects us to expand in Christ with each passing day. This means that we are loving others greater through him. In other words, our capacity to love and walk with power increases as we grow in Christ. This is God’s standard, and it is one in which we will never have to make excuses for a man that isn’t loving us the way he should. If we make a place in our hearts for a man that isn’t giving us the love we deserve—the love we are capable and willing to give him, then we’re throwing out the welcome mat for heartache and pain. When it comes to real love, don’t accept a little dab here and a little dab there.  Christ made a way for us to live through his love, and this is the way we should choose.

Fully knowing and appreciating the sacrifice of Christ gives us the lens by which we can love and be loved. Loving and living through Jesus Christ will give us the wisdom to know that a man may not have a fancy job title or big bank account; what matters is that he has a big heart and sees loving you as one of the greatest blessings of his life. God says you deserve this. You should believe it, and never accept less. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

One of my co-workers is a born-again believer, and he’s 37, single, attractive, and financially secure. I was being a bit brazen one day and asked him if he ever wanted to get married. He answered, “Yes, when I find the right one.” I thought to myself, “Isn’t that what most single men say?” I have no doubt that he was being sincere, but I must admit that this response and attitude of many single men still baffles me. What’s the criteria they’re holding for “the right one”?  Is it based on the standards that God has set in His Word, or is it based on a physical attraction that immediately sparks a response of his flesh? Is he looking for both those things or is he blinded by a refusal to be humble and allow God to direct this area of his life?

He may not have given much thought to how he defines “the right one”, but as a woman wanting to partner, you must be keenly interested in why he thinks he hasn’t met her. We shouldn’t be under any delusions about their pickiness here. Men need companionship as much as women. They are innately aware that they need the nurturing of women to live the more than abundantly life that Jesus Christ made available. If it were available for them to have this level of living without women, Adam would never have needed Eve, but the reality is that Adam did need Eve. And men do need women. This is the Will of God.

Genesis 2:20(NLT) tells us, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God’s brilliance and the perfection of provision dictated that Adam needed a helper, and part of Adam’s responsibility would be to care for her as well. Nothing about the way God set this up has changed. In Genesis 2:24(NLT), God said “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Whether we accept it or not, this is the Will of God concerning the marriage of a man and woman, and His blessing hinges on the condition that His Word is honored and respected.

Of course, every man and woman have the free-will choice to decide the person that they will marry, but if we ask God, He will send the person that HE has ordained to be just right for us. However, the reality is that most of us don’t ask Him, and we don’t extend an invitation for Him to be Lord over this aspect of our lives. God will not interfere with our relationship decisions without an invitation from us. He will never overstep our free-will choice. We get to decide if we want and will follow His guidance. History has proven how devastating the results can be in marriage when a couple doesn’t invite God into their unions. They fail to submit to His leadership through the Lord Jesus Christ, and the results of this is catastrophic.

An excuse to be selfish
The issue is not about a man finding the right one. The issue is whether he will recognize the woman God sends. For him to recognize her, his eyes must be open. For his eyes to be open, he should be seeking the Lord about it. Jesus Christ said in Luke 11:9-10(NLT), “9 And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Our Heavenly Father gives good and perfect gifts, and He knows exactly how to provide for us. It is necessary that we humble ourselves in honor of His perfection, brilliance, and power, and seek Him for ALL things.

Many physically mature men have never been married. They are financially stable, intelligent, affable, and have great relationships. They are perfectly able to share their lives, generosity, loyalty, and love with a woman in the Spirit of Christ, but they refuse to do this. An expanding bank balance, a satisfactory level of success, a comfortable lifestyle, and a fear that someone might jeopardize these things makes many men lock- on to selfishness with a death grip.

God blesses us so that we can be a blessing to His Will and to the lives of others. Sadly, many men do not view this as their responsibility to Christ. Instead of being committed to obedience and faith in God, they choose selfishness as a device to appease their insecurities about money and preserve their way of life. They use their singleness to shield themselves from the commitment of truly sharing their lives with a woman, and they often see their single status as a license to try on several women like new pairs of shoes.

This is a form of exploitation, and it is in no way Godly. As women of faith, we need to see it coming a mile away. We should not yield to it, neither should we attempt to do it ourselves. There’s a right way to find the right fit, and it is to seek God and make sure our actions are guided by Him.

An excuse to play around
1Corinthians 7:32-35(NLT) gives us wisdom for understanding God’s Will. It says, “32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”

The wisdom of this passage teaches us God’s standard for marital conduct. It teaches us that marriage is a gift. It’s God’s way of providing companionship but it is also a way of keeping us from sexual immorality, because that stuff just wrecks the lives of people. It takes them further away from God rather than closer to Him and His blessings. Our Heavenly Father made it clear in 1Corinthians 7:32-35 that the only acceptable reason a man would remain single is that God has ordained him for the purpose of being totally sold out to ministry. Women are just as much God’s treasures as men, and neither a man nor a woman should ever use their single status as an excuse to play around with God’s treasures.

Jesus Christ commanded us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This is the only acceptable way to love God. Well, how do we accomplish it? 1John 5:3(NLT) declares, “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.” Our need and desire for companionship must never be above our allegiance to honor God and do what He says.

The right one for all of us is forever and always Jesus Christ. He’s the one to give us marital unity and longevity, and our commitment to honor him allows us to walk in his love, strength, and power. We have made relationships way more complicated than God ever intended. We can’t navigate this rocky terrain without His help. We desperately need His guidance, so we should never try to take things into our own hands by leaning on our own understanding. That’s not a winning strategy. 1John 5:4 tells us that every person in life will defeat the plots and tricks of evil, and we will do this, not by selfishness or a need to control, but by the victory that is achieved through our faith in God. So, if a man is truly waiting to find the right one, he should be seeking God’s guidance. Most importantly, he should never allow his single status to be a detriment to any woman’s life or to his own with relationship with God and standing in Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Our Need for Companionship”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

Colossians 3:14(NLT)

There are quite a few single Christian women that are praying fervently to cross paths with their future husbands. They become so used to the posture of praying to receive that when they finally do cross paths with a man they believe is Mr. Right, some of God’s daughters are overwhelmed. They just about lose their minds because they’ve waited a long time. The loneliness and wondering when things were going to turn around was challenging, and they don’t want to ever go back to those days. Sometimes, this causes them to place too much focus on the man and not enough focus on growing stronger in Christ. They’ll do just about anything to secure the new relationship. God’s grace is sufficient to us when this happens. He gives us time to adjust, but many singles take advantage of God’s grace and His patience.

When a man makes himself comfortable in our lives, he makes space for us in his heart. That’s such a wonderful thing, and God delights in our happiness. This is exactly what we prayed to happen, and we’re thrilled. There are so many emotions coming to the surface that it can surprise us how much we neglect or put other things on hold for this significant person. I know you know what I’m talking about. We must be careful to remember how easy it is to be lured away from our commitment to God with this. It should be no surprise that this is why God wants us spiritually strong before we partner, so that we will not succumb to the temptation of putting anything or anyone ahead of our relationship with God.

Hebrews 13:5(ESV) states, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”” This lesson isn’t just about money. It’s about demonstrating our gratitude for all that God is and all that He has done for us. It’s about prioritizing what’s important to God, because what’s important to Him should be important to us. People come and go. God is the One that will never leave or forsake us. He’s our everything and the Source of all blessings. We say we know and understand this, but our actions often say something very different. We don’t behave in every situation as though we realize that God must be number one in our hearts.

Understand fully that God can never, ever accept the position of number two. It’s far beneath what He deserves. Our responsibility to the faith should never be hot one minute and cold the next. The love of Christ is what opens the door in our lives for Mr. Right, but things can go south very quickly if we abandon our stand and jeopardize our relationship with God. We always need to behave as though we are aware of this temptation and are continuously praying to outpace it.

Many relationships with successful starts have ended in heartbreak because we underestimated the prayer, obedience, and loyalty that God requires. Our love for Him is the glue that holds all other relationships together. He tells us in Ephesians 4:3(NLT), “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” It is our responsibility, yours and mine, to keep ourselves spiritually strong through God’s Word so that we treasure our oneness with the Spirit. Our union with the indwelling Holy Spirit binds us with others that love God, and it will strengthen every relationship we have if we are faithful to Him.

The brand of love that you and I produce on our own doesn’t have stickability. We have all these conditions and limitations to our love. If he doesn’t look a certain way, have money, or have a good job, we might not even give him the time of day. We see this a lot in men as well, especially those that haven’t yet learned to honor and appreciate a woman’s stand on God’s Word. Some of them make demands and will withdraw their affection and attention if those demands are not met. This isn’t God’s love; His love would never operate that way.

We must understand that we are never at a disadvantage for staying faithful to God and obeying His Word. God will always back the blessings He gives us, and we should never worry or think for one second that He will not. We need God’s love and Word to keep us moving in the direction of marriage. Keep yourself committed to God. Stay in His Word continually and always keep God first in your life.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Binding Your Relationship with God’s Love”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

2Peter 3:9(ESV) assures us, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” God has promised us a rich inheritance in the Lord Jesus Christ, and it will be more than we could ever have imagined. When we compare what is to come with our everyday reality, our present circumstances don’t come close. Most of us are aware of this, and we want God to hurry up, quick fast and in a hurry, so that we can bask in the wonder of all He has in store.

This verse in 2Peter 3:9 tells us that God isn’t slow to bring His promises to past. We are witnessing His incredible patience with us. He is waiting for every person whose name is written in His Book of Life to come to Him and repent. His patience is purposeful to His plan, and this is a paradigm for every aspect of His Will.

When it comes to being single, many of us can relate to thinking that things are moving too slow. We can tolerate one or two years, but waiting for Mr. Right much longer than this seems a bit much. The loneliness can turn into one long stretch of feeling sad and disappointed, and anyone that has experienced this knows how taxing it can be. Although feeling lonely and sad can weigh us down, these feelings also reveal that we are acutely aware of the differences between happiness and sadness. We know when happiness isn’t in our neighborhood, and that’s not a place we want to live. So, the experience of sadness and loneliness can teach us how much we value happiness and how much we believe it is tied to having a significant relationship.

This is important information because it gives us a very clear yardstick of measuring where we are and where we want to be. The vision of where we want to be is the dynamic we must learn to work with and transform. 2Peter 3:9 points out very decisively the difference between where we are right now, living in this world, and it points out where we will be when we return to our heavenly home. None of us have seen heaven with our physical eyes, but we know that earth cannot compare to heaven. However, God tells us about what is to come in His Word so that the vision of the glory that awaits us will remain fresh in our minds and hearts. He doesn’t want us to ever lose sight of the reality that this earth is a temporary dwelling, and that which is to come is more extraordinary than we can imagine. This is our hope, and maintaining hope is crucial to being happy.

Our desire for marriage is sort of a small trial run for our hearts and minds. It’s something many of us truly want, but it hasn’t yet manifested in our lives. Just as there’s a distance between where we are and the reality of God’s promise of our inheritance in Christ, there is a distance between our current single status and the promise of marriage. When it comes to His promise in 2Peter 3:9, God is patiently waiting for the repentance of those that haven’t yet come to Him. What’s this wait about? He’s waiting for the person to change, for them to recognize that they need Him desperately and they need to surrender their lives to Him. He is relentlessly patient to wait for all His children to repent, and He will never break His promise to wait for this.

As we hold on to the vision of getting married to the person God will send, we must come to terms with this distance between being single and being married. In order to bridge that distance, something has to change. This is a truth many have failed to acknowledge. Change begins internally and then, as we are transformed, our external reality will begin to mirror the greater love of Christ that we have anchored in our hearts and minds.

It cannot be lost on us that our refusal to put on more of Christ, and our allegiance to remain where we are in our minds and hearts will translate to remaining the same in our circumstances. Sadness and loneliness don’t speak the truth about the vision of marriage God has given us. They don’t help us put on more of God’s love and faith in our hearts, and they do not represent a true picture of the faith we should have regarding the vision of marriage we should hold for ourselves.

Are you seeing yourself as a woman that is sold-out in your faith in God? Is your heart overflowing with joy because God has made such wonderful promises in His Word to His children? Do you believe that God is the Giver of good and perfect gifts, and He delights in your joy and happiness? Can you see yourself as the most loving, compassionate, selfless and giving wife you can be? The answers to these questions reveal that something inside must change to hold the vision of marriage that God desires for you. Show Him that you are committed to it. Get in His Word and pray that as you renew your mind and learn more about Christ, He will transform your vision of marriage into the reality He has for you. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Something Has to Change”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

“Could it be that the reason you’re so frustrated with life is because things didn’t work out with your man?” A mutual friend asked Adrienne this question because she seemed to be having a tough week. She didn’t want to be around anyone, and this was unusual for a person as outgoing as Adrienne. We all suspected that she was going through something with the significant person in her life; it had been an on-again-off-again relationship for almost a decade. It was no secret that Adrienne wanted to marry this man, and she thought Stephon was changing his mind about marriage, but he never made any promises. She was in such a tailspin because he finally told her that he was nowhere near ready to be married. He didn’t want to hurt her, but ended their conversation with, “I just really don’t consider myself the marrying type.”

Why do men do things like this? Why do they remain in a relationship for that long, knowing full well that the woman has marriage on her mind? To be honest, the answer to these questions isn’t difficult, and deep down, most women know it. The reason why a man will remain in a 10-year on-again-off-again relationship and never commit to marriage is because he knows he can. This isn’t a righteous move on his part, but it’s not just him. This is an issue that involves both the man and the woman.

In Luke 9:62(NLT), our Master Jesus taught about the importance of commitment and the danger of procrastination. He said, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”  A plow is a farming tool. Jesus Christ often used farming in his teachings because farming was a huge part of the lifestyle of those living during that time. They didn’t have the convenience of grocery stores back then, so they were dependent on farming for their own source of food. They had to maintain livestock that could be used for meat, and they had to grow their own vegetables, as well as grains for bread. In order to keep the land fertile for planting, a plow was used to manually turned over the soil each planting season, and this was not easy labor.

It’s not difficult to understand why farming was key to survival. It was nothing to play around with. A farmer was expected to understand the requirements and get to it. He had to know that plowing is laborious and necessary work that is required to produce the beneficial and expected results. He also had to understand that a failure to produce a harvest might mean catastrophe for his family. This is the backdrop for Luke 9:62, and Jesus Christ zeroes in on the importance of what’s at stake.

A qualified farmer is someone who provides and produces for others. He would never put his hand to a plow and then procrastinate and look away with hesitation. If he does this, Jesus says he’s not fit for the Kingdom of God. He’s not fit because he’s vacillating, and this equates to instability. James 1:8(KJV) states, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

Is this what we think we deserve, someone that procrastinates or looks away in hesitation because they’re not sure about us. Both men and women have done this when it comes to the things of God. We’re not stepping up to the plate in faith, but we’re wavering, wondering if God is who He says He is and if He’ll do what He says He will do in His Word. We have our hands on the plow, but we’re not prepared to move it forth with the obedience and diligence God requires. If we’re not going to do it for God, our Creator and Source of all that is good, we are certainly not going to do it for another human being.

Women need to understand this very basic piece of wisdom. They are expecting a man to commit to them wholeheartedly when they have not committed wholeheartedly to God. We can change this, and we should. 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT) says, “The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” This verse tells us that God desires to bless His people, and His people have the distinct pleasure and responsibility to present the landscape for His blessings to land.

1Samuel 16:7 affirms that God doesn’t see things the way that we do. He doesn’t judge by outward appearance; God looks at the heart. He warns us in Proverbs 4:23(NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” He’s telling us to guard against apathy, doubt, or anything else that comes against Him and His Word, because those things will shape a future that we will not like. Whatever is in our hearts will produce an outcome. It will either give God something to work with or not. And sometimes, we are crying out for the man to love us, when our hearts have not made enough space for God.

Galatians 6:7(NLT) warns, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” It is very clear that if we’re not putting the love of God out there in the way that God has ordained, we’re not going to get the return we expect. Many men will not be righteous in their dealings. They come into relationships and stay in them when they are fully aware of their intentions to remain unmarried, but women have a responsibility to God and to themselves to see this for what it is. We cannot expect a man to change his opinion about our worthiness to be his wife when he doesn’t even want one.

In 1Corinthians 7:7(MSG), the Apostle Paul said, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” Paul understood that our whole purpose for being in the earth is to have a relationship with God and to grow more like Christ with each passing day. Most of us struggle with the truth that this is our purpose and choose to do our own thing rather than to follow after our King. Paul resisted this trap. He understood that our purpose is just that simple and that many people, especially women, have looked to marriage to fill their cups instead of God.

This is why Paul said that being single is a simpler life. It allows an individual to be singular in focus when it comes to the things of God. For others, marriage is the way to go. God gives these individuals the gift of marriage because they understand that marriage is designed to deepen our relationship with God, not detract from it. At least one of the individuals in any couple must comprehend this truth. When that’s the case, they will always put God first, and He will reward them according to the love of Christ that is in their hearts. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Marriage Is A Gift from God”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.