Category: Relationship advice

Psalm 73:25-26 (NLT)
“25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.”

If you’ve been in a significant relationship for a few years, and then things fall apart, the absence of having this person in your life can be deafening. When we’re in a relationship, we rarely consider the pain, anxiety, and lasting consequences that follow a breakup. These are not welcomed visitors, but they can come without invitation. We got too comfortable and for some of us, this was a trap. Without being conscious of it, “He’s mine forever” began to play in the background of our minds, and we bought into this even though the man never promised it, and his actions never conveyed it.

Discernment
The harsh reality is that pain is often our greatest teacher. It should teach us to guard our hearts, to be careful about who we let into our lives, and to be as patient with God as possible, especially when we’re figuring out exactly what we’re working with in the discernment phase of the relationship. It should also teach us that we desperately need God’s help with the rugged terrain of relationships. It’s arguably the area that we need spiritual discernment most. We need this sharpened spiritual tool to steer clear of men that will ultimately be harmful to our walk with the Father through Jesus Christ. They can cause us to go backward instead of forward, and when we get caught up in this, we can potentially miss the one God has sent.

We need to know that it’s possible to miss a blessing. People do it all the time. Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” The wrong path will set us up for failure, but in every case, the right path will lead us to God’s blessings. He’s the One who shows us which path to take. If we lean on Him, we’ll have the discernment to know what is for us and what isn’t.

Learn to love appropriately

The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:9-11(The Message) says, “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Romantic love isn’t primary. Loving a man through the love of Jesus Christ is most important to our Heavenly Father, and this is the kind of love that overcomes all obstacles.

God’s wisdom teaches us that “He’s mine forever” is not the right attitude when there’s no ring on our fingers. We know from experience that sometimes relationships do not stand the test of time; only our relationship with God through Jesus Christ will last forever. So, we must be so careful not to place all our eggs in another individual’s basket. We need to be anchored in God. Only He is worthy of all our trust. The psalmist said in Psalm 73:25 that he desired God more than anything else. This should be the passion of our hearts as well. When it is, we will walk with the Lord, and be guided by Him. Then we can trust what He has for us with all our hearts. ■

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“He’s Mine Forever”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

1 John 3:16-18 (NLT)
“16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion–how can God’s love be in that person? 18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”

Recently I noticed something a bit different about a co-worker and good friend. He’s usually in a great mood and always anxious for the end of the day on Fridays so his weekend can begin. He’s been dating someone for over a year, and they’ve been spending a lot of time together on the weekends, but something has changed. After almost a week of being unusually quiet, I asked him if he was alright. He said to me, “I had been seriously contemplating giving my lady an engagement ring, but there’s some things about her that I’ve noticed lately. They are too concerning for me to overlook. I love her, but I don’t think I can make this move yet. I need to see a change.”

His honesty with himself about what he was seeing from this woman is impressive. He wasn’t in denial about what could potentially be real problems in a marriage down the road, and that’s a really good thing. As women, sometimes we don’t give ourselves this gift. Even when there are flashing lights and warning signs all over the place, if we think a ring is even a remote possibility, some of us will ignore it when the man has issues that are very problematic. Our aim shouldn’t be to ignore these things, but to deal with them in a way that leaves us and the other person in a higher spiritual place.

In the beginning of relationships, people present themselves in a certain way because they are purposefully trying to put themselves in the best possible light. This kind of surface-dwelling can last up to a year, and even longer. It’s inevitable, though, that this will eventually wear thin and two people will begin to see what is underneath the surface about each other. It can be a very challenging time in the relationship, and most of them go through this stage. There’s going to be a point where two people see each other’s dirt, and sometimes it can be so hurtful that many couples do not recover.

Both people think that they are right and the other is wrong. A woman might say, “I’m ready but he has this issue that keeps popping up.” If abuse is the issue, that should never be tolerated, but when it isn’t a factor and both individuals are committed to Christ, our Lord and Master should have the final say. He gives us the truth, and it breaks through all the layers and it should cause us yield to God’s Will, purpose, and plan.

In Matthew 7:3-5(NLT), Jesus said, “3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” When things go south, tit-for-tat is often the game played. We think that if the other person would just change something about themselves, things would be better. But the reality is that no one wins in the blame game. Both individuals need to take a good long look in the mirror. In significant relationships, we all come to the table broken in some way. And when it comes to taking that relationship to the next level, we all think we’re ready, but the truth is simply that sometimes we’re not.

There’s a place of pain within all of us, and when something is done to take us to that place, our first inclination is to shut down and become non-communicative. Jesus Christ offers another solution. We need to get rid of the speck in our own eye, and that is a very challenging thing to do, but we can do it if we humble ourselves under the leadership and direction of the Holy Spirit. Many of us have a need to be right, and when things get raw, we can easily turn to bitterness and blame. We can be like, “That’s a wrap for me!” but we have to be careful, because this would never be the response of Jesus Christ. Whether the relationship is salvageable or not, we have to take a step back and be obedient to the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23(NLT) tells us, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” These are the fruit the Spirit produces, and he produces them through us. We must submit to this.

God’s Word tells us that when we grow up and mature spiritually and physically, we must let go of childish things. We must come to a place in our faith where we recognize and trust that the power of God’s love can transform anything. It can transform us, and it can transform the one that has hurt us. We are His children, and if we allow His love to reign in our attitude and behavior, we will demonstrate that we are true disciples of Christ. We will witness that God’s love is the ultimate problem solver. It will cause us to be who He wants us to be, and it is the solid foundation on which any lasting and beautiful relationship must rest.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Proverbs 13:3(NLT)
“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.”

Words have power, and they can change the course of our lives. Words can also change the course of our relationships as well. Through our words, we can choose to build unity and harmony in them, or we can tear them down. This is a truth that must be firmly anchored in our hearts and minds as we spiritually prepare for marriage. Many single believers have embarked upon the journey to make space in their lives for a significant person, but they’ve not considered the conversations or statements they’ve made about the disappointments and heartaches of the past. We haven’t thought about the changes we need to make regarding the confessions, or lack thereof, about our futures. For many single individuals, their words haven’t shifted very much at all in the last few years, and they’ve neglected or refused to connect the results they’re getting with the words they’ve spoken.

A person can tell a lot about what is in the heart of another by the words they speak. Proverbs 13:3 says it best by telling us that opening our mouths can ruin everything. We can spoil an opportunity or close a door to a blessing by having doubt in our hearts and letting it spew from our lips, but the most harmful damage of words of doubt and negativity is what they do to our faith and believing.

God commands us in Philippians 4:6(NLT), “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Worry is a state of anxiety that occurs when our minds dwell on difficulties and troubles because we’re uncertain about the future. Our Heavenly Father makes it plain that faith is the answer for worry, fear, and anxiety. God is the only One that holds our futures, and He has promised in Jeremiah 29:11 to give those who love Him a good future and a hope for continual abundance as we flourish in Him. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 11:23 to have faith in God. We simply must believe our Heavenly Father when He promises to take care of us, but some of us are not following the commandment of Christ. We’re not trusting God as we should, and it’s evident in the words that we speak.

Faith begins in our hearts and then it is expressed through our thoughts and words. When our minds and hearts are on board with faith and our thoughts, feelings, and words line up with it, God is pleased, and things begin to change. This is what “not worrying” looks like. What comes next is our prayers to God with a mind and heart that is at peace because we trust Him. In Isaiah 26:3(NLT), the prophet said about the Most High, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” It’s this peace that God gives us that inspires confidence in His willingness and ability to bless us.

We simply need to tell God what we need. We must open our mouths and speak Words that express our need and our gratitude to Him not just for all He’s done, but for all He’s going to do to bless our lives as well. Refusing to entertain fear, praying to God in faith about everything, telling Him what we need, and then thanking Him for it—claiming it in the name of Jesus Christ, this is a practice that encompasses how we ought to be thinking, speaking, and feeling all the time. God’s Will is that we move from faith to faith, and if we’re going to move this way, our words need to always reflect our intention to go higher.

God commands us in Ephesians 4:29(NLT), “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Some of us have taken a very laxed approach to living according to this commandment. When much of what comes out of our mouths is foul, and we’re not being careful about what we say, we might damage the heart of another individual, or injure their relationship with God. Faith dictates that we change the way we think and change the way we speak so that our lives are a magnet for blessings and not negativity. We must practice this while we’re single so that we demonstrate the spiritual maturity to build unity in the relationship we desire.

Proverbs 18:21(NLT) teaches us that “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” We are going to reap the consequences of our confessions and statements. One of the main reasons we become stuck in life is because we either haven’t learned or have refused to change the way we speak. We’re still speaking death over our circumstances rather than speaking words of faith. This has to change. In order to build unity in a good and lasting relationship, we must understand how to spiritually maintain, rest, and abide in God’s peace, so that we can help create an atmosphere of peace in our homes. We do this by thinking and speaking as Christ thought and spoke. So, make sure your words are building a lovely foundation for faith and marriage, because this is what God requires for your relationship with Him and with the man He brings into your life.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Build Unity Through the Words You Speak”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

1 Peter 5:6 (NLT)
“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.”

Kevin is everything that Desi wanted in a man. Like so many of us, she prayed a long while to meet someone special. When Kevin came into her life, oddly enough, marriage was the last thing on her mind. She’d been supporting her best friend, Lydia, who was midway through chemo, and she was also taking care of Lydia’s 11-year-old daughter, Kristi. Desi had been running so hard the last two months that she barely had time to even wash her hair. She was very happy to be there for them, but the realization that Lydia had no one else to call on during one of the toughest challenges of her life left Desi both sad and afraid. She loved her friend dearly, but she didn’t ever want to be in her shoes. On the rainy Saturday afternoon when she met Kevin, she was so preoccupied with those thoughts that she had almost dismissed him.

Standing in the living room of Lydia’s tiny apartment one day, noticing how sparse it was and thinking about how long her friend had been sick and struggling, tears began to stream down Desi’s face. She remembered five years ago, when Lydia’s husband left without so much as a word, and never returned. The nice house, the car, the bank accounts, all of it slowly slipped away. As for her neighbors and so-called friends, Lydia felt like all of them except Desi were waiting for her to crumble, thinking to themselves, “the man is gone, what now?” But for Lydia, there were no tears, no pity parties, or mudslinging that anyone could see. It’s as if she said to herself, “I can’t stop. I gotta keep going.” And that’s exactly what she did.

Desi was determined to do whatever it took to see that Lydia and Kristi would be okay. She was consumed with their care. During those months, she had so little time that she was sure Kevin would become disinterested, but he didn’t. He kept calling and kept pursing, and she was so thankful he did.

Hebrews 4:16(ESV) tells us, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Many single women haven’t taken the time to express a deep gratitude to God for His amazing grace. They haven’t fully appreciated that we have the honor and privilege to go before His throne of grace in our time of need, and He will see us through. Lydia’s circumstances sheds light on the fact that many of us haven’t realized, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” The story for any of us could be much like her story, but because of God’s grace, we are blessed to have health, a sound mind, and the activity of our limbs.

God tells us in Romans 12:2(NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Many of us single women need to renew our minds and change the way we think. Instead of being impatient and full of doubt, we need to proclaim the goodness of God and thank Him for all that He’s done for us. 2Timothy 2:13(ESV) reminds us that “If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.” This truth must be anchored in our hearts and minds continually. Our God is faithful, and He will never leave or forsake us.

The abandonment of a husband, loneliness, and health challenges, these are difficult situations, but we don’t face these heavies alone. God is helping us every step of the way. He made sure that Lydia was supported by a loving and caring friend, and He made sure that Desi was sweetly rewarded for her selfless and giving heart. It is imperative that as single people our hearts are found faithful and deeply thankful to God for all He’s has done. Know that through every circumstance in your life, God’s love for you never falters. He doesn’t cause our tribulation, but He makes us stronger through it, and if we remain steadfast in our faith in Him, He will deliver, restore, and bless us beyond our greatest imaginations.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Man Is Gone, What Now?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)
“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

Imagine being friends with a man that you’re interested in, but you don’t think he’s interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that there’s no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friend’s relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.

I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate we’re currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.

Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, “13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.

Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in God’s wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, “You can’t help who you love.” That’s a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.

God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Yet, most do not love God in this way. They don’t love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.

Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with God’s Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.

Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasn’t given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. It’s a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Friendship that Leads to Marriage”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

John 15:9(NLT)
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.”

In Colossians 3:14(ESV), our Heavenly Father tells us, “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”  This is an amazingly important verse, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Through the Apostle Paul, God informs us that His love is the glue that binds everything, including our relationships, together. Only His love can do that. God also tells us in Colossians 3:12-13 to put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, and to forgive each other as He has forgiven us. These are all important, but He tells us that what is most important is that we put His love in our hearts. God’s love is forgiving, kind, patient, righteous, and enduring. He means for us to put that kind of love in our hearts because that’s His kind of love, and it’s a powerful force of victory for all who put Him first and follow the example of Christ.

As women who walk in God’s wisdom, we must know that feelings of love can be quite different from the actions of God’s love. Not making this distinction can be extremely costly. God’s love is real and true. It’s unconditional and limitless, and He demonstrates through His actions and Word that real and true love is a commitment. It isn’t based on feelings, because feelings come and go. We fall out of love as easily and quickly as we fall in love. Sadly, many romantic significant relationships begin without considering this. We go into them using feelings of attraction and affection as the springboard. Without hearing from God at all, many of us proceed to treat these relationships like marriages.

Feelings of love are wonderful, and God created us with the capacity to express them, but He never intended feelings of love to cause us to sin or place our commitment to another human being above our commitment to Him. 1John 4:16(ESV) tells us, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” The love that is written about in this verse isn’t referring to romantic love. It’s pointing to God’s love, which is the kind of love that lasts.

When we accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, we transferred lordship from ourselves over to him. Before we did that and accepted the salvation that he offers, many of us had heartbreak and pain in our lives. Our marriages and significant relationships fell apart, and some of us were left abandoned and emotionally exhausted. We were left with pain and heartbreak because either we, the man we loved, or the both of us, had not learned to love through Jesus Christ. The love of Christ never fails, but the love of a person who doesn’t love Christ will fail us repeatedly.

God calls on us to abide in Him, and whoever abides in real and true love abides in God. His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, is in us, and our bodies are the Spirit’s temple. Heavenly Father commands us to let our lives be governed by His Spirit so that we walk in His love continually. Jesus Christ said in John 16:13(NLT), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” The Holy Spirit that dwells within us guides us into God’s truth. The Spirit would never guide us into situations that cause us pain or cause us to sin. Pain and sin are not the truth, they are lies and tricks of the devil.

We have allowed society to convince us that in order to keep a man, we must let him enjoy all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. This will always lead to disappointment. Boyfriends are not husbands, and we can be with them a long time before this realization hits home. It isn’t love when we loan our bodies and hearts out to men that have no intention of committing to us in marriage. We allow them way too many privileges. They make themselves at home in our lives, but they don’t make us at home in theirs.

The Holy Spirit will guide us into the truth, including the truth of God’s provision. If we’re not patiently enduring and trusting God to reveal the right man to us, but instead we’re jumping all in without His greenlight, we’re setting ourselves up for problems. We need to pause and examine our actions and attitudes about God’s holiness and about how we’re viewing the purpose of significant relationships. Many of us are praying to God to send us the right man, but we are still very willing to treat the next man with the same open-door policy we’ve had with men in our past.

God wants to see us blessed, that’s why He sent His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to sacrifice his life for our sins. Through Christ, God has given us a new nature, so we can’t expect Him to overlook it when we choose to hold on to a consciousness of sin. Our Heavenly Father is not punishing us. It’s the mindset of accommodating sin that continues to block our blessing. We must open our eyes and walk in God’s wisdom, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Jesus Christ said in John 14:15(NLT), “If you love me, obey my commandments.” Understand that your commitment to love wisely is a commitment to love like Christ. To love like Christ is to be obedient to God’s Word. This is what leads us to marriage. If you doubt it, simply ask the Lord to guide you to the truth, and then be willing to accept and follow it.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Love Wisely”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.