2Corinthians 6:14(ESV) âDo not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?â
God tells us not to bond ourselves together with those that do not believe in Him through the Lord Jesus Christ. This means we shouldnât emotionally invest in an individual that doesnât want to be saved by the blood of the Lamb. After being around a person a short while, we have a pretty good idea about whether they love Jesus. When it comes to significant relationships with men, we can tell if the man has the compassion and love of Christ. In our modern times, living by 2Corinthians 6:14 has been a very challenging practice for single believers. The problem is that even when we know the man isnât interested in loving God through the Lord Jesus Christ, many of us still allow him into our hearts.
The term, âunequally yokedâ, that is used in 2Corinthians 6:14 was very easily understood in biblical days. Many terms like this were used to teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ for that very reason. Like some of the other phases in the Bible, âunequally yokedâ is one that farmers used. It describes the ineffective practice of yoking a strong oxen or farm animal with a weaker one. A yoke was a frame usually placed around the heads or necks of two animals to join them together for farm work. If they were not equal in strength, the weaker one would usually prevent the completion of the task.
People living during the periods written about in the Bible didnât have the luxury of grocery stores and markets. Farming was not only a way of life, but it was survival for them. Unequally yoked meant delays they couldnât afford. So, when 2Corinthians 6:14 was taught to them centuries ago, they understood the risk of being unequally yoked, and knew it was something to avoid. As it relates to people and relationships, those of us living today are not grasping just how detrimental an unequal yoke is.
You may ask yourself, âIs being in a relationship with someone who doesnât love the Lord such a bad thing?â God says it is. He emphasizes the point that light cannot have a partnership with darkness, and righteousness cannot fellowship with unrighteousness. Some of us have learned the hard way that attempting to partner with darkness is extremely damaging to our lives.
When Jesus Christ was in the wilderness being tested by satan, he responded to one of the temptations in Matthew 4:7(NKJV). He said, âIt is written again,âYou shall nottempt the LORD your God.ââ Yet, many born-again believers will fall for an unequally yoked temptation and try to test God by engaging in it. We know what He says in His Word, yet we place our spiritual lives in jeopardy because our desire to partner is greater than our desire to follow Godâs Word.
In an unequally yoked significant relationship, the one that lacks the love of God in their heart will pull the other one down. This compromise that we make with our faith is never worth it. We have to ask ourselves whatâs at the bottom of our decision to take this risk. Is it that weâre tired of waiting and donât think another man will approach us? Could it be that we havenât surrendered this aspect of our lives to the wisdom and guidance of God, or is it that we really donât believe that God will bless us with the one that He will send? Whatever the case may be, there are far too many of Godâs children suffering from the consequence of this bad decision. We can avoid it, and we should.
Regarding the inheritance and authority of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, God tells us in Ephesians 1:22(ESV) that He has âput all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church.â This means that our entire lives are under the feet of Jesus Christ. The person we will date and marry is under his feet as well, and God expects us to live as though we know this. Jesus Christ is Lord! Heâs Lord in every way. Itâs his authority and power that should govern us and the choices we make. We canât separate dating from Godliness. Our Heavenly Father means for us to do relationships His way, because this is the way to unity, peace, longevity, and real love. Donât think that you can overstep Godâs Word and have good results. Yield to Him, so that youâll have a great relationship that is done His way.â
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (ESV) â9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!â
The passage in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 is so plain and simple to understand, and itâs because thatâs how God intended relationships to be. They are not meant to be nearly as complicated as we make them. Through King Solomon, God makes known His wisdom regarding unity and working together. Itâs very important to the foundation of a marriage that two people are there for each other, that they have each otherâs back, and will lift one another up when life gets hard.
Amos 3:3(KJV) asks a question and the answer to it is crucial for the unity of a marriage. It asks, âCan two walk together, except they be agreed?â The answer is simple and poignant. Two people canât walk together through life unless there is agreement between them. If they canât mutually agree to be dedicated to their union, one will walk in one direction, and the other will go the opposite route. So, this decision to come together and be committed to God in a marriage is an extremely important one. It is both incredibly fulfilling for the couple and very meaningful to their relationship with God.
Relationships mean a lot to Heavenly Father because people mean the most to Him. He wanted a family to love, so why wouldnât He want His sons and daughters to experience this deep love in an intimate way. He wants a husband and wife to stand back to back, armed with the sword of the Spirit and poised to protect their union with the spiritual weaponry God has provided. Once we decide that we desire marriage, we should begin that very moment to spiritually prepare for it. We should understand whatâs at stake and recognize that if we leave an opening in the marriage, the enemy will maximize that opportunity.
God tells us in 1Peter 5:8(ESV), âBe sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.â Heavenly Father doesnât make mistakes. He wouldnât warn us in this verse to be focused and watchful if we didnât need to be. Before you give a man the kind of access to your life that a serious relationship requires, God wants you to be strengthened in His Word. He wants your eyes and ears to be tuned into Him and His direction, and He wants you to be full of Holy Spirit power. Several years ago, dating didnât require as much vigilance and scrutiny, but today it does, and God wants you to be equipped with wisdom, discipline, and spiritual maturity. You need to make good choices and have sound judgment, because this is what prepares you for marriage.
As a single person, you need to be aware of yourself in ways that youâve never thought about. We donât realize how much of the worldâs messages weâve absorbed about relationships and marriage until weâre confronted with our lack of faith to hold one together. Some of us have never set boundaries for a relationship that help us stick to the Word in certain areas. In our pasts, weâve crossed lines, said things and done things that were disrespectful to the manâs manhood and injurious to his relationship with God. We caused him to sin or participated in it with him. This is costly. We were not as committed to God as we should have been, and therefore, the relationship didnât have the fuel needed for the long haul. Itâs time to make a shift.
When we disrespect the significant man in our lives, we have to get that back, because we reap what we sow. And when it comes back to us, it can be so bad that the rift severs the relationship. Then, weâre bewildered because we havenât shown the accountability for our actions that a successful relationship must have.
The Apostle Paul said in Ephesians 4:1-3(NLT), â1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each otherâs faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.â This is Godâs commandment, and He created us to bring Him glory with our lives and with our marriages. He never intended relationships to be a burden, nor should they be our everything. Through our unions, weâre to delight in Christ together. Weâre to complement each other, not complicate each otherâs lives.
Walking in agreement as a married couple is a tremendous blessing because God designed it that way, but we must be ready, and full of Godâs power and Word. We have way too many flaws, insecurities, and doubts to ever navigate relationships on our own. Let Godâs Word be the instruction for your life and let the Lord Jesus Christ guide you to have the kind of relationship that pleases our Heavenly Father and you too. Do all that you can to be in agreement with God, and pray and ask Him to guide you so that you will know how to be in agreement with your future spouse.â
1Kings 11:4(NLT) âIn Solomonâs old age, they turned his heart to worship other gods instead of being completely faithful to the LORD his God, as his father, David, had been.â
When he was a child, Solomon, the son of David, was destined to be the king of Israel. It was an enormous task for someone so young, and he had the good sense as a child to ask our Heavenly Father for wisdom and understanding. 1Kings 3:9-10(NLT) tells us he prayed, â9 Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours? 10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for wisdom.11 So God replied, âBecause you have asked for wisdom in governing my people with justice and have not asked for a long life or wealth or the death of your enemiesâ12 I will give you what you asked for! I will give you a wise and understanding heart such as no one else has had or ever will have!â
King Solomon was the wisest and wealthiest king to ever live, but like all of us, he had his issues; he loved women. The bible tells us that he had over 700 wives. His love of women was his weakness, and ultimately, it was his downfall, even after all the glorious things that God had done for him. Solomon did what God told the men of that time not to do; he married Moabite and Hittite women. 1Kings 11: 2(NLT) says, âThe LORD had clearly instructed the people of Israel, âYou must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.â Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway.â Solomonâs actions are like ours sometimes. God has told us how to keep ourselves in His peace and blessings, but we donât follow what He says.
1Peter 1:14(NLT) tells us, âSo you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then.â Before we became saved, and for some of us even after we accepted Christ, we approached relationships in a sinful way. We allowed the man to be number one in our lives and we did not prioritize our relationship with God in the number one spot. The thing that slips by many single women that are desiring marriage is the fact that the old way of approaching and operating in relationships is still in their hearts. They are carrying the old ways with them everywhere they go, even though now they know better.
Solomon witnessed the way that his father, King David, followed and loved God, but he still insisted on doing the thing that didnât honor his relationship with our Heavenly Father. Like Solomon, some of us allow our weakness to get the best of us as well. Then, when we end up in heartbreak or worse, we refuse to connect the dots between our actions and the consequences weâre facing. Because of this, we do not learn to grow in faith and obedience and will more than likely continue making choices and decisions that bring us more pain. This isnât what God wants for us.
Our desire for a blessed marriage that is ordained by our Heavenly Father requires that we have the kind of heart for Him that proves He is first in our lives. Jesus Christ commands us in Matthew 6:33(NIV), âBut seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.â It isnât enough to simply say weâre putting God first. He knows exactly what weâre treasuring most. He can see whether weâre truly loving Him as we should because He can see what is in our hearts. He said in Jeremiah 17:11(NLT), âBut I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.â
Nothing in life can come before God. We usually think of bowing to a statute as idol worship, but it doesnât have to be as literal as that. Idolatry is the practice of placing anything before the honor, worship, and praise we should give to our Heavenly Father. Whether itâs too much time on social media, sports, your boyfriend, dream job, or even your family; while none of these things are wrong, they can become a slippery slope if we fail to keep them in their proper place.
Rebellion is a sinful desire to operate independent of what God says. Itâs not seeking Him but doing our own thing; just like the devil did when he wanted to be independent of God and not submit to His Creator anymore. Many of us become consumed and totally wrapped up in things and people, especially when it pertains to significant relationships. Thatâs what the devil wants. Itâs one of his tricks to get us to take our eyes off God, so that we will not place God in His rightful place of authority and sovereignty. If the devil gets you to take your eyes off God, then you might begin to think that you donât need Him or need to follow His instruction. This is what the slippery slope of a mindset and heart of rebellion will do to us.
We canât let that happen. We desperately need the Lord, and we need to be doing the things that show Him weâre seeking and placing Him first in our lives. Even though you may not understand the Word as well as you would like, still read and study it. The Holy Spirit is our Teacher, and he lives inside us. He will help us to comprehend the Word. So, we must pray often and read Godâs Word, because this is the very least we can do to show Him how important He is to our lives. Donât allow yourself to be tricked out of your relationship with our Heavenly Father. You must place more focus, energy, and time on your relationship with Him than you do on any other person or thing. This is what shows all of heaven and everything beneath it that you are focused on God and spiritually ready for all He has in store for your life.â
Free-Will is a gift of God that we must become intimately familiar with in our significant relationships. Many women are praying that God will change a man for them, that He will overstep a manâs thought patterns and ways of behaving without the manâs consent. This will never happen. There are pieces of information that we must know so that we remain grounded in wisdom. These will keep our expectations in check when it comes to the significant relationship in our lives. The first is that God will only send you a man that knows Him. This man doesnât have to be super knowledgeable of the Bible, and he may not be religious, but he knows the reality of Godâs sovereignty and righteousness. He desires to do right because he wants to honor God and honor himself. If he doesnât honor himself, he will not honor you. Secondly, a man must desire to change. He must see the value in it by recognizing the harm that a failure to change will cause. Lastly, a man must love you enough that if something he is doing, thinking, or feeling is causing you distress, he will choose to change.
Romans 12:2(NLT) says, âDon’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.â In this verse, God tells us exactly what we should not do, and exactly what we should do. We should not copy the behaviors and customs of society or the world, because those are contrary to the Word and Will of God. Instead, He directs us to allow Him to transform us, and we give Him permission to do this when we change the way we think.
God is telling us what to do here, but He will not force us to do it. He has given us free-will, and we have the great privilege to follow what He says. We decide whether we will change the way we think and receive the reward of His blessings. The choice to renew our minds to Godâs truth is ours to make. Whether we choose to accept it or not, the reality is that: #1 God only sends a woman a man that respects His sovereignty and righteousness, #2 the desire to change according to what is right is a personâs free-will choice, and #3 truly loving someone will motivate a person to change. These are true for all human beings, both men and women. However, as women, we must be especially attentive to remind ourselves of these jewels of wisdom so that we do not punish ourselves continually with wrong actions, bad decisions, and false expectations.
Often, we expect an unattainable outcome in a significant relationship because our expectations are outside the boundaries of right believing. Some of us get into relationships with men that might have peripheral qualities weâre attracted to, but after some time is spent in their company, we find that they are far from being a match for our level of spiritual, emotional, and mental maturity. We may not articulate this, but when we pull back the layers, itâs the reality we must face. Even when there are many good qualities that we appreciate in the man weâre involved with; he can still have non-dominant negative behaviors that sneak out at the most irritating and inappropriate times. These are not insignificant and can ultimately ruin a relationship if weâre not walking in faith.
Thereâs a place in every woman Amos 3:3(NKJV) asks, âCan two walk together, unless they are agreed?â This agreement between two individuals that intend to commit to one another is one that is more than verbal. As it relates to marriage, it is a spiritual agreement that is made at the deepest level. Some of us are praying for the man weâre involved with to change. If after many arguments and disagreements, he does not seem to alter his behavior, weâre at our wits end. Weâre not being heard, valued, and respected in the way we feel we deserve. It makes us feel helpless in the relationship because the agreement that two committed individuals should have with one another is not working both ways.
Within every woman, God has created a place at her very core, and her destiny partner is a man that will respond to that place within her. Itâs a deep place that we may not be aware of and we cannot define, but we will know definitively when that place has made contact with the right man. We must trust with every fiber of our being that there is something about the right manâs manhood that will come into agreement with that place in order for us to have confidence in his fidelity, loyalty, and commitment. Many of us try to force this with the wrong man, but that is an unfruitful move on our parts. It will not yield the results we seek, and history has taught us this.
Many of us choose a man, give ourselves to him, and make future plans for marriage with him when his manhood has not connected with the very core of us. Often, this is why we are exasperated, because we are expecting something he cannot give. We lose so much stamina and momentum on this journey of life when we do this.
You must be led by God We cannot make a man change. No words of a mere human have caused another human being to truly change. Only God and His Word can do this. He has commanded us to seek His Will in all that we do. We need to hear from Heavenly Father that His blessing is upon our relationships. We can never get ahead of God, and if we do this, we must seek the Lordâs forgiveness and ask for His help and wisdom.
It isnât Godâs Will that we are involved in relationships that are rollercoasters of ups and downs. We must be spiritually prepared for significant relationships because the wrong one can mess us up. We must be sharp in recognizing the Spiritâs directives, and we should have proven that we are humbled in total surrender and submission to his direction and guidance. If you have not made a habit pattern of walking by the Spirit, you will not perceive the warnings, information, and guidance necessary to preserve a union.
Know that heâs for you If you are of the Lord, and the Lord is not in him, do not risk your life. Seek God with your whole heart! The man that is the one God has sent will not think it is a burden to change the things that jeopardize your relationship, because he will have confidence in the love of Christ in you. No longer will you allow yourself to be concerned with attributes and small things that irritated you in the past. This man will humble himself before God, and because of this, he will move you at your core. The Holy Spirit will testify in you that he is indeed the one that God has sent. Then you can have confidence that no matter what comes your way, the two of you will walk together in agreement as the love of God in Christ works within you both.â
Youâve been waiting for this moment for most of your adult life, and now itâs here. The man you met thirteen months ago proposed and you couldnât be happier. Whether youâve never been married, or youâre divorced or widowed, getting married is always going to be a life changing experience. Finally arriving at the place where you can honestly say the wait is over is a really big deal and a sigh of relief. Thatâs not to say things are perfect. If youâve been dating the same person a while, youâve probably seen a lot of things in him that you really love and a few things that could use some work. You understand that neither you or your future spouse is perfect, but youâve agreed to be committed to one another and help each other grow. Single women who have yet to get to that point should know that thereâs a profound spiritual element that causes all this to come together and move a woman from dating to marriage, and that element is Godâs wisdom.
Proverbs 2:6 tells us that it is the Lord who gives wisdom, and knowledge and understanding come from His mouth. Many singles havenât fully believed this and have sought many other sources for what can only come from God. He tells us in Proverbs 4:7(NKJV) that âWisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.â A principal thing is a thing that is highest on the list of importance. This means that wisdom ranks very high in Godâs Book. He wants us to obtain knowledge from His Word, and He also wants us to understand the knowledge weâve acquired. This is what keeps us growing and flourishing in our Christian lives.
Navigate before you date Wisdom is the principal thing that allows us to navigate dating from a position of faith even before we begin to date. We forget sometimes that we are spiritual beings with a soul having an earth experience. As spiritual beings, we are continually sending out messages through our emotions, thoughts, actions, conversations, and confessions. We are also constantly responding to the messages that others around us send as well. God tells us in His Word that all this sending and responding better add up to His love, because if it doesnât, weâre sending and responding to the wrong messages, and weâll miss what He has in store. This is one of the reasons we find ourselves unable to get out of the gate when it comes to marriage. Weâre not yet sending a strong and right message of Godâs love.
To navigate before you date, you must have a commitment to stand on the foundation of Godâs Word no matter who you meet and how much he likes you and you like him. This isnât just about sexual sin. Itâs also about understanding your position and facing the reality that its up to you to help move yourself and your relationship from point A to point B. You must span that distance through your faith in God, and if you are disobeying Him, you are not walking in wisdom or faith, and He canât bless that. If youâre planning to sin two weeks after you meet the guy, youâve lost the treasure before it even has time to develop and grow.
Be in agreement with Godâs plan Two people that are ordained by God to walk together in life are in each otherâs destinies. God has already taken care of this. They are magnetized to each other, but faith is the thing that moves them closer to one another. When they are checked-in to destiny, and they are sending and responding in a way that resonates Godâs love toward one another, all things will work together for their supreme benefit. This is the way all good things come together. Amos 3:3(NKJV) asks âCan two walk together, unless they are agreed?â This points to an agreement that is more than physical or mental. Itâs a spiritual agreement, and we cannot get to that point unless our chief concern in life is loving God through our emotions, thoughts, actions, conversations, and confessions.
To come into agreement with Godâs plan, all parts of you must be on board with His love. Romans 12:1(NLT) affirms this. It says, âAnd so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrificeâthe kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.â God purchased us with a very high price, the price of the life of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. He wants all of you, your spirit, soul, and body, to be presented to Him as a living sacrifice. God has a purpose for your life, and in order for it to unfold, you must be in total agreement with Him through what you do, think, feel, and say.
The psalmist said in Psalm 138:8(NKJV), âThe LORD will perfect that which concerns me;â In other words, God is going to fulfill His purpose for our lives. He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for us. Again, our responsibility as believers is to align ourselves with His plan and purpose. When we do this, amazing things will begin to happen.
Pray to receive Godâs wisdom and understanding Dating is not the first step towards marriage, becoming spiritually prepared for it is. Your mind and heart must be sold-out for God before you think about loving, supporting, and ministering to another personâs heart and life. Proverbs 16:9(NLT) tells us, âWe can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.â It is irrational and illogical to think that we can line up our faith with Godâs plan and purpose for our lives when we donât even know what Godâs plan and purpose of our lives is. We need to spend quality time in prayer and pray to receive revelation and guidance through His indwelling Holy Spirit, because Jesus Christ tells us in John 16:13 that the Spirit is the One that will guide us into all truth. You must humble yourself and surrender to God in every aspect of living, dating, and marriage.
1Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is not the author of confusion and chaos, but of peace and order. He is organized beyond anything we can imagine. He knows the end at the beginning and beginning at the end. Thereâs nothing about anything that you and I could ever do in our lives that would surprise Him. He knows the plan He has for us, and His purpose and the mission He has set for our lives is for us to walk in His love to the greatest extent possible. God wants to look at your heart and see Christ, and that is His priority for you.
God has given us marriage to teach us how to love one another and to teach us the depth, breadth, and width of His love for us. When Jesus Christ returns, there will be no need for marriage, so we must pray and be ever so careful that we donât get out of order and begin to think that marriage is more than what God designed it to be. Our Heavenly Father requires that we put and seek Him first in all things. No matter how long we live, no matter what we do, and no matter who we are, it will all boil down to how well we love God. This determines our spiritual preparedness to navigate dating with Godâs wisdom and to take our relationship with the right person from dating to marriage â
1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT) âSo encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.â
Imagine being friends with a man that youâre interested in, but you donât think heâs interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that thereâs no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friendâs relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.
I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate weâre currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.
Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, â13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.â Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.
Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in Godâs wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, âYou canât help who you love.â Thatâs a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.
God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), âAnd you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.â Yet, most do not love God in this way. They donât love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.
2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, âFor God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.â We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.
Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, âCan two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?â This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with Godâs Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.
Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasnât given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. Itâs a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. â
When feelings of loneliness creep up on us, our response must be to immediately renew our minds to the promises of God. Loneliness can be a lure that the adversary uses to sabotage our ability to make wise choices and decisions. There are situations and circumstances that the devil designs to remove us from the path of Godâs blessings. Weâve all heard about those âWham!!!â moments in life where things are going smoothly, and life is good, then wham! Something totally out of the blue happens and causes us to take a nosedive into the abyss of confusion and trouble. This happened to a woman I know who had been wonderfully blessed in her professional life. A beautiful home, nice car, nice things; she enjoyed a really comfortable life, but she took it all for granted, and a wrong turn cost her almost everything.
She met a man that she didnât expect to meet, and it would be easy to blame him for all her troubles, because thatâs what many of us do, but it started long before he arrived on the scene. He had all the right attributes that she wanted, and they seemed to be a good match. Heâs an electrician and entrepreneur, and not only is he ambitious, he was generous with his advice and helpfulness. She assumed he was the one she had been praying about and waiting for, and she never waited for God to clarify it for sure.
One of the common mistakes that many believers make is to underestimate the importance of showing God true gratitude and thankfulness for His many blessings. Itâs true that we work hard to acquire nice things, but our Heavenly Father makes it all possible. As a demonstration of our gratitude to God, we must sow into His Kingdom, and we must be sure to take care of the blessings Heâs given us. As single women believers that have been blessed to achieve success, it is wonderful to share it, but we need to be led by Godâs Spirit so that we are wise about our decisions and choices. The man that we will bless greatly and who will bless us greatly is in Godâs plan, and we should never overstep Godâs leadership in this area.
Galatians 5:16(NLT) tells us, âSo I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you wonât be doing what your sinful nature craves.â For many women that have experienced the pain of loneliness from being single longer than they imagined, when they meet someone that seems to be a good fit, the inclination is to dive right in. It is important for us to realize that God wants to be involved in this area of our lives, and He will help us to steer clear of harm and disappointment if we allow Him.
Although kind and helpful, the electrician was not the one in Godâs plan for this womanâs life. She didnât give herself time to really get to know him, and she didnât wait on the Father. She didnât know that this ambitious entrepreneur had tried lots of things in the past to become the millionaire he had always dreamed heâd be, and he was far too trusting of others. He convinced her to invest her money into a new venture of his, and they both were the worse for it.
Psalm 27:14(NIV) tells us, âWait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.â Itâs not always easy to pump the breaks, and to stop ourselves from emotionally investing so deeply in a man who is being attentive and kind, but we must understand that things can turn very quickly. We canât be naĂŻve. We must be spiritually mature enough to understand that satan is vicious and has no mercy, and he will use our willingness to leap before we look against us. We must wait for the Lord and be strong in our convictions to do so. God will not disappoint us if we do this. Psalm 25:3(NLT) says, âNo one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced.â Heavenly Father is faithful to protect us, but we must wait on His direction. â
We hear a lot about soul ties in todayâs environment, and it has both positive and negative connotations. âSoul tieâ is a phrase that people use to describe a deep spiritual connection to another individual. Some think of it as a connection that occurs when two people meet for the first time and realize that their souls are destined to become one. Any person that has experienced the fulfillment and joy of a meaningful soul tie will want it to last a lifetime. Itâs the dream on the hearts of many of Godâs people, and the continual subject of their prayers. We are wired to seek connection, and when we make one on a soul level, everything feels right in life. The thing that very few of us prepare for is what happens when our souls untie.
Matthew 19 gives us a record of an occasion when the Pharisees came to test Jesus Christ regarding the legality of divorce. Verses 4-5(NLT) tells us his response, â4 And He answered and said to them, âHave you not read that He who made them at the beginning âmade them male and female,â 5 âand said, âFor this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one fleshâ?â This passage leaves no question of Godâs intention for marriage and unity. When a man and a woman marry, they become one in His sight.
In this marital union, it is possible that one person might significantly change mentally and emotionally. Itâs not uncommon to hear divorced men and women say, âWe just outgrew one another.â The unexplainable aspect is the reality that they were so sure at one time that their souls were inextricably linked. It was inconceivable to the both of them that anything in life could occur that would cause their soul tie to be broken. This begs us to consider the reality that things in life break all the time, but there is nothing broken in the life of any human being that cannot be repaired and made better through the love of Christ.
No Blame Game 1Corinthians 12:27(NLT) declares, âNow you are the body of Christ, and members individually.â This puts the âout-growingâ rationale in perspective. As children of the Most High God and siblings of Christ, we are all members of one body and therefore, we are indeed inextricably linked through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 4:10 tells us that Jesus Christ left certain gifts pertaining to spiritual leadership for his body. These gifts are to accomplish the mission of Godâs plan which is for the whole body to be unified in faith regarding the knowledge of Christ. Again, this âindividual parts functioning as a wholeâ is Godâs plan for the Body of Christ, and His Will is that everything will be under the authority, power, and rule of Jesus Christ, our King.
The outcome of Godâs plan is made plain for us in Ephesians 4:16(NLT). It tells us, âHe makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.â It is inevitable that we will all grow at various levels with various speeds. Godâs intention is that one partner will aid the growth of another in the way that He has ordained.
To shift blame on to the other person for a lack of spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity is not only injurious to the relationship, it is injurious to us. It takes us out of accountability and humility. We have neither the bandwidth nor the right to stand in the seat of judgment when it comes to Godâs plan for our spouses and partners. Heavenly Fatherâs plan for them existed long before they met us. Our responsibility is to âhelp the other parts growâ. God will keep the tie together when our willingness and intention is to aid His purpose. He will bless us and help us weather challenges and difficulties on all fronts if we minister in our unions through His grace and righteousness.
Specific and Continual Prayer for Your Partner
Souls develop and grow, thatâs part of what they do. They release things that we feel no longer serve us and they gravitate towards things we believe will give us pleasure. So, when our mates no longer give us the pleasure that weâre used to receiving from them, thatâs what we perceive as a serious problem. The soul wants what it wants, and when it doesnât get its usual diet, or its appetite changes, we feel empty. The natural inclination of folks in a relationship is to think that the relationship is no longer useful because it doesnât fill us up the way it used to. We then attribute the emptiness we feel to the partner. Heâs not making our soul tank FEEL full.
One of the lessons we learn as we grow in Christ is that Jesus is the source of our joy. If weâre looking for the relationship to be the source of our joy, we are setting it up for disappointment. Christ works through us, and he works through our partners because of our faith in him. You and I donât have any glue of our own to hold a relationship together; we just donât. It is the love of God in Christ that holds everything together. When it seems the soul tie in a relationship is coming untied, more glueâmore of the love of Christâis the solution. You and I may not know how to administer Godâs love in a way that addresses the untie, but the indwelling Holy Spirit knows exactly what to do. Our responsibility is to pray fervently and frequently for our partners, that the Spirit will do his perfect work in them, and in us.
As wives and girlfriends, truthfully, weâve let this one slip on an epic scale. Even now, while you are unmarried or unpartnered, you must set a habit pattern of praying specifically for the salvation and spiritual growth of your husband. Pray that the Will of God is done in his life, and that you will be a conduit of Godâs love to help him continue to walk the path Heavenly Father has placed before him. We have grossly underestimated the level of diligence to prayer that a union requires. We need to be locked into the Fatherâs heart when it comes to ministering to our spouses. Specific and continual prayer prepares us for hiccups and gives us the patience and discipline to be still as God works them out.
Be Still
The loss of partnership when our souls appear to untie is difficult, but we can get over it of course through the healing power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. However, it is also very necessary for us to understand that those same two souls can be unified again through Christ. It can be done through our willingness to pray, not out of desperation, but out of obedience to what God desires. We must also understand that unity cannot be achieved without humility. Recognize that even though you may have developed a soul tie, your soul cannot call the shots; it cannot rule your life. Jesus Christ is Lord! He is in the driverâs seat. He must rule our lives, and we must allow him to lead, guide, and direct us.
God said in Psalm 46:10(NKJV), âBe still, and know that I am God.â Donât panic or make hasty decisions and choices when things are untangling. Often this is an indicator that our own souls need nourishment, and the only Source of nourishment for our souls is Godâs Word. We must still ourselves and get into the Word with a greater commitment to pray and receive wisdom and understanding. Donât allow the enemy to whisper lies in your ears and cause you to step away from your destiny. The Holy Spirit will teach you and reveal to you what to do if you make Godâs Word the priority. â
An actor was being interviewed and jokingly asked if the host had a single family member or friend that she could meet. âYou know Iâm single.â She said. The host responded, âEvery time youâve been on our show, youâre always single, what gives?â It doesnât matter if youâre a beautiful Hollywood actor, a professional, or a single mother trying to get back out there and juggle all the other responsibilities of life, the dating arena can be challenging to navigate. Weâre all so different, and so are our needs, but the complexities of meeting someone that isnât married and is actually looking for something meaningful seems almost too much to tackle. People are constantly saying that the special person for us is out there, but if thatâs true, where are they hiding and why is it so difficult to find them?
Meeting the right person for our lives is a process of self-discovery. That sounds like a pitch right out of some guide to meeting your soul-mate, but as cheesy as it may sound, itâs true. The foundation of the process of self-discovery is first recognizing the truth about what âselfâ means. Self-identity is Christ identity. People spend their whole lives trying to discover who they are, when God took care of that through Jesus Christ. Everything we need to know about who God created us to be can be found in Christ.
If you give it some thought, youâll see that if weâre not quite sure who God created us to be or what weâre supposed to be doing on this earth, then thereâs probably a big question mark branded on our foreheads. We canât see it, but itâs there, and it shouldnât be hard for us to understand that no one wants to get to know a question mark. People are looking for something real. A question mark suggests all the issues associated with not really knowing who you areâissues like poor judgment, lack of confidence, and an inability to truly and deeply be loyal and committed. As sisters in the Lord, we wouldnât want someone like this as a marital partner, so we must make sure thereâs no trace of it in us.
There isnât anything about us that God doesnât know. Ephesians 1:4-5 tells us that before He made the world, He already loved us and chose us to be His very own. God wants us to be holy because He is holy. Holiness envelopes the bond of unity we share with Him. Our Heavenly Father tailor made us to fit into His wonderful plan. For a long time, before we knew Christ, we didnât know about Godâs plan or how we fit into it. We were lostâjust didnât have a clue who we were supposed to be, but Godâs love began to unfold in our lives when we accepted Christ. The problem is that many of us stopped short. We havenât allowed Godâs blueprint to spread out, so we can study the full view. Instead, we got just a glimpse and started to run with our assumptions. So, for many single and unmarried individuals, self-discovery has not come to full maturity. God is telling them that thereâs still more they need to learn about Jesus Christ before they can partner successfully.
Thousands of years ago, God knew that there would be a multitude of single women praying to Him for a good man. Even back then He considered the challenges for our modern times. We have to remember that He knows the end at the very beginning. You can be confident that He knows all the details of how you will finally meet the man that youâve prayed for. And make no mistake, He also knows what it will take for you to get in position for this blessing as well.
God is an Excellent Giver. He doesnât give gifts to those that are not ready to receive them or who lack the ability and well of gratitude to steward and be thankful for them. Heavenly Father is perfect in every way. The special person for us isnât hiding. They are preparing, just as we should be. God has made sure there are enough spouses for those seeking to honor the institution of marriage. Not every man can be a husband, just as not every woman can be a wife. It takes a humble, forgiving, loving and committed human being to be truly ready to partner with another human being in marriage. Dating is easy, but marriage requires stability and truth.
Joshua 1:8(NLT) tells us, âStudy this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.â God wants His children to be fulfilled, happy and successful, and Heâs left it up to us to make it happen for ourselves through His Word. He tells us in Romans 6:13(NLT), âDo not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God.â This is Godâs requirement. He wants us to be married and partnered up more than we desire it for ourselves. Keeping His Word is paramount to our success.
As we study Godâs Word, we can see that He never overlooks a promise. He is faithful to keep His Word. He has promised to bless us, but He is also committed to see us fulfill our purpose. He is committed to see us capture our destinies according to His Will and Plan. As unmarried people, we have to go to Heavenly Father with a deeply humbled heart and do so in the most earnest way that we know. We must ask Him what more we need to do in order to fit into His plan. We must ask Him what part of our old man nature we need to take off, so we can walk more fully in Christ. Then, we must wait on God as He unveils the answers to these questions. God knows you are single, and He will take care of every detail regarding meeting your destiny partner but seeking Him must remain your primary motivation and you must be committed to follow His guidance. â
I had a conversation the other day with someone Iâve known for many years. Sheâs been keeping herself busy with her newly remodeled bathroom, a hefty project she undertook to take her mind off things. Not being able to see many of her friends and family during the pandemic has been particularly tough on her. She also mentioned that sheâs started to date again. Her two-year relationship ended a year ago, and sheâs trying not to make the same mistakes twice. Hopeful and more aware, she said to me, âI have promised myself that the next relationship Iâm in, Iâll do more listening than talking.â
James 1:19-24 The Message (MSG) tells us, âPost this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. Godâs righteousness doesnât grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. Donât fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and donât act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.â
God gives us specific instructions in this passage. Itâs the good stuff we need to digest for the significant relationship we hope to have and make last. Heavenly Father tells us to lead with our ears, to listen first, and then use a wise economy of words second. Many of us have failed to do this and have paid a hefty price in our relationships. You canât be an effective communicator if you lack the patience to be a good listener. Many of us are not attentive in this area, and because we havenât been good listeners, some of us have left an impression of arrogance and stubbornness instead of humility and compassion. We can change this, and we should.
In todayâs world, often the primary objective is to make sure your point comes across and that you are heard loud and clear. Itâs not hard to see why many believe that listening to others has become a lost art. Listening is more than just hearing; itâs being attentive to details and taking in what is being communicated in a way that is thoughtful, respectful, and appreciative of points of views that are different than your own. Most of us have either experienced or witnessed the frustration of trying to convey something that is important to us, and the person weâre speaking to isnât receiving what weâre communicating. Instead, they may talk over you, donât allow you to finish your sentences, become angry or totally shut down and refuse to further communicate. This kind of temperament isnât sustainable in a relationship.
Psalm 25:9(NLT) says, âHe leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way.â God will always lead those who desire to be led. It takes humility to please Him and to allow our lives to be guided by His nature. Learning the patience, compassion, and thoughtfulness to become a good listener is required for marital preparation and becoming the kind of spouse that God desires. The practice of listening is crucial to maintaining our relationship with Heavenly Father, and it is very important for maintaining our relationships with our future spouses. We must be committed hearers and doers of the Word of God. Our humility to listen to His instruction and follow the example of Christ will help us to be attentive and compassionate listeners in our marital relationships. â
