Category: Relationships

Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.”

Words have power, and they can change the course of our relationships. Through the words we speak, we can help to build unity, strengthen trust, encourage someone who is struggling, and bring peace into situations that could very easily go in another direction. We can also do the opposite. Our words can tear people down, create division, deepen hurt, and sometimes damage a relationship in ways that are very difficult to repair. Proverbs 13:3 tells us plainly that opening our mouths can ruin everything. This doesn’t mean we should be afraid to speak. It means we need to recognize that God has given us a responsibility to be careful about what comes out of our mouths.

Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 12:34 (NLT), “For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.” This is one of the reasons our words tell us so much about where we are spiritually. We can try to dismiss something we’ve said by claiming that we were angry, frustrated, or didn’t really mean it, but Jesus teaches us that our words are connected to what is going on in our hearts. If bitterness has been allowed to sit in our hearts, sooner or later it will show up in our conversations. The same is true of jealousy, resentment, fear, and unforgiveness. We may not like admitting this, but sometimes the things that come out of our mouths are God’s way of showing us that there is something going on inside that we need to bring before Him.

This is especially true when we’ve been hurt in relationships. We can carry the pain of what someone did five or ten years ago into relationships with people who had absolutely nothing to do with it. Before we know it, we’re responding to a person standing in front of us based on something somebody else did years ago. We become suspicious when there is no reason to be suspicious, defensive when no one is attacking us, and angry about things that normally wouldn’t bother us that much. Then we wonder why there is so much tension in the relationship. God doesn’t want us dragging old wounds from one relationship into another. He wants to heal us, and part of that healing has to include the way we think and speak.

Philippians 4:6 (NLT) says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” God never tells us to pretend that we don’t have problems or that something doesn’t hurt when it does. He tells us to bring those things to Him. This is important because when we don’t take our worries, frustrations, disappointments, and fears to God, we have a tendency to take them out on other people. We say things we shouldn’t say and respond in ways that don’t represent Jesus Christ. Then, after the damage has been done, we wish we could take those words back.

Isaiah 26:3 (NLT) tells us, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” We need God’s peace operating in our hearts because peaceful relationships are not built by people who never disagree. They’re built by people who have learned that every disagreement doesn’t have to become a war. We don’t have to say everything that comes to our minds, and we don’t have to win every argument. Sometimes spiritual maturity looks like recognizing that we’re too angry to have a productive conversation and giving ourselves time to pray and settle down before we speak. There are also times when something absolutely needs to be said, but we need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to help us say it in a way that produces understanding instead of more division.

Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” God is very clear about the standard He has set for our words. He tells us that what we say should be good and helpful, and it should encourage those who hear it. This doesn’t mean that every conversation will be easy or that we should avoid saying things another person may not want to hear. There are times when the truth must be spoken, problems must be addressed, and boundaries must be established. But even then, we don’t have permission to use our words as weapons. Being angry doesn’t give us the right to insult someone, call them names, deliberately say something we know will hurt them, or bring up every mistake they’ve ever made just so we can win an argument. When we belong to Jesus Christ, the way we communicate should demonstrate that He is working in our hearts.

This is something we have to practice, because controlling our tongues doesn’t come automatically. James 1:19-20 (NLT) tells us, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” Sometimes we’re so busy preparing our response that we haven’t really listened to what the other person is saying. We hear enough to become offended, and immediately we’re ready to defend ourselves. God tells us to do the opposite. He tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. There is wisdom in giving ourselves enough time to understand what someone is saying before we decide how we’re going to respond.

This becomes even more important when emotions are high. Some things cannot be unsaid. We can apologize, and certainly we should when we’ve hurt someone, but an apology doesn’t erase the fact that the words were spoken. This is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit in our conversations. We need Him to help us recognize when pride is getting in the way, when anger is taking over, and when we’re about to say something that will cause unnecessary damage. We need to become sensitive enough to His leading that when He tells us to stop talking, we stop. There will be another opportunity to discuss the issue after we’ve prayed, settled ourselves down, and are in a better position to hear one another.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT) teaches us, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” We are going to experience consequences from the way we communicate with people. If criticism, sarcasm, disrespect, complaining, and harshness are continually coming out of our mouths, we cannot expect those things to produce unity. Over time, they create an atmosphere where people don’t feel safe communicating honestly. On the other hand, when people know that they can speak to us without being attacked, mocked, dismissed, or punished for what they say, trust has room to grow. This doesn’t mean there won’t be disagreements. It means disagreement doesn’t have to destroy the relationship.

We also have to be willing to examine ourselves when the same communication problems continue showing up in our relationships. It’s very easy to believe that everybody else is too sensitive, difficult, or always misunderstanding us. There may be times when that is true, but when several people have been hurt by the way we speak to them, wisdom requires us to consider whether God is showing us something about ourselves. Spiritual maturity means that we can humble ourselves enough to say, “Lord, if I’m contributing to this problem, please show me.” We can’t build healthy relationships if we’re unwilling to allow God to correct us.

Colossians 4:6 (NLT) says, “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” Grace should be heard in the way God’s people speak. The people closest to us shouldn’t receive the worst of us simply because we know they’ll probably still be there tomorrow. In fact, our closest relationships are where we should be even more mindful of how we communicate. Familiarity should never become an excuse for disrespect. We should want the people we love to know through our words that they are valued, that we’re listening to them, and that even when we disagree, we are committed to treating them in a way that honors God.

Unity doesn’t mean that two people will always think alike, want the same things, or see every situation the same way. That’s not realistic. Unity means that we value the relationship enough to work through our differences without trying to destroy one another in the process. It requires humility, patience, forgiveness, self-control, and sometimes the willingness to admit that we were wrong. All of these are qualities the Holy Spirit develops in us as we grow in Christ, and eventually they should become evident in the way we speak.

Our words are one of the most powerful tools God has given us to strengthen our relationships. We can use them to encourage, reassure, apologize, express gratitude, tell the truth, extend grace, and remind the people we love that they matter to us. We won’t always get it right, but we should be growing. So, pay attention to what comes out of your mouth, especially when you’re frustrated, disappointed, or angry. Ask God to help you recognize anything in your heart that is influencing your words in a way that doesn’t please Him. When our hearts are submitted to Jesus Christ and our words reflect His love and wisdom, we are much better equipped to build the kind of unity in our relationships that honors God.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Build Unity Through the Words You Speak”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Unresolved Anger Can Do More Damage Than We Realize

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)
“And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Grace and her sister have had a contentious relationship since they were young. Fighting weekly was the norm for them. Their parents saw it as sibling rivalry and did nothing to help them learn how to get along. Now that they’re adults, nothing has changed. Holidays, birthday celebrations, weddings, dinners with their parents—no matter the occasion, because of their deep-seated anger, these two sisters ignore each other and hardly ever speak.

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, disapproval, or hostility, and it is a mistake to think that once the situation that caused us to become angry is over, the anger will automatically go away. Sometimes it doesn’t. Instead, it remains in our souls and increases its grip on us in the background. For many of us, anger becomes the go-to emotion we use to cover pain, disappointment, rejection, or hurt. We convince ourselves that holding on to resentment or a grudge is easier than forgiving, but it never is. Grace and her sister took that approach. They never learned to address their anger through the love of Jesus Christ, and because they didn’t, unresolved anger was allowed to rob them of years of relationship.

We Can Learn Anger Without Realizing It

As we look back over our childhoods, some of us might remember that there were angry people within our everyday environment. Maybe they used profanity, yelled when they were upset, gave people the silent treatment, or didn’t have a whole lot of compassion for the feelings and well-being of others. When we grow up around these kinds of behaviors, we can pick them up without giving it much thought. Before we know it, we are carrying those same patterns into our words, attitudes, and manner of dealing with the relationships that are dearest to us.

My nephew told me about a Christian woman who is a notoriously good baker. One Saturday, he went to a bake sale where she was selling her homemade cookies. The place was packed. People were getting antsy, and the baker was feeling pressured. They had been waiting in line for her cookies, and when it looked as though they would soon be sold out, things got a little disorderly. People began yelling out their orders rather than waiting their turn. My nephew noticed that the baker’s son had become agitated by everything, and when he yanked on her apron to get her attention, she spoke to him in a manner that was harsh, angry, and profane.

Many of us have seen mothers do this in public and not thought much about it, but we should think about what it does to a child’s heart. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) tells us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” The habit patterns of anger can be very easily passed on to us, but once we recognize them, we have a responsibility before God to deal with them. We cannot continue hurting people and excuse it by saying, “That’s just the way I am,” or “That’s how people in my family communicate.” Jesus Christ has given us a new way to live. Through Him, we can learn to respond differently, even if anger and harsh words were all we saw growing up.

Anger Cannot Be Allowed to Lead Us

Proverbs 14:12 (NLT) says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” We can convince ourselves that our anger is justified and that holding on to it protects us from being hurt again. We may even believe that because someone treated us badly, we have a right to remain angry with them. God sees what we cannot see. He knows what anger is doing inside our hearts, and He knows where it will eventually lead if we continue to feed it. This is why we must trust His leadership and guidance. There will always be situations and people that test us, but allowing anger to control our response will only make matters worse.

Proverbs 14:17 (NLT) tells us, “Short-tempered people do foolish things.” Many of us have witnessed this firsthand, and if we’re truthful, some of us have experienced it ourselves. We can say things in anger that we would never say with a clear mind. We can make decisions that damage relationships, and after the anger has passed, we are left trying to repair what happened while it was in control. Other people may appear very calm and non-reactionary, but underneath that exterior is anger that seeps out at the most unexpected times. They are angry but have learned how to cover it with a smile. This isn’t what God wants for us either. He doesn’t want us pretending the anger isn’t there. He wants us to deal with it through His Word, His love, and the self-control He has given us through the Holy Spirit.

Don’t Let Anger Become Dominant or Dormant

Anger should be neither dominant nor dormant in the heart of a believer. We shouldn’t allow it to control us, but we shouldn’t bury it and pretend it doesn’t exist either. Anger will eventually find a way to show itself. This is one of the reasons Ephesians 4:26-27 warns us not to allow anger to linger. When we continually rehearse what someone did, keep reopening the offense in our minds, and refuse to release it to God, we give anger room to settle into our hearts.

This doesn’t mean that feeling angry is always sinful. Sometimes we are angry because something genuinely hurt us. Someone may have mistreated us, betrayed our trust, crossed a boundary, or behaved in a way that was wrong. God is not asking us to pretend those things didn’t happen. He is telling us not to let anger take control of what happens next. We can address what happened, establish boundaries when they are necessary, and make wise decisions about a relationship without allowing bitterness and rage to rule our hearts.

Psalm 4:4 (NLT) commands, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” Sometimes one of the wisest things we can do when we are angry is give ourselves enough time to become quiet before God. Everything does not require an immediate response. We don’t have to send the text, make the phone call, confront the person, or say the first thing that comes to our minds. We can pray. We can ask God to help us see the situation clearly and show us how to respond in a way that honors Him.

We Don’t Have to Give Anger Another Year

Think again about Grace and her sister. Years have passed, and the anger that began when they were young has followed them into adulthood. Think about everything that has happened during those years—the birthdays, holidays, family dinners, ordinary conversations, laughter, support, and opportunities to simply enjoy being sisters. Unresolved anger has taken up space that love could have occupied.

We don’t know how much time we have with the people God has placed in our lives, and we cannot afford to give anger years that God never intended it to have. This does not mean every relationship can or should return to what it once was. Some relationships require boundaries, trust may need to be rebuilt, and there are situations where wisdom requires distance. But we do not have to remain angry in order to protect ourselves or exercise wisdom.

Proverbs 14:22 (NLT) says, “If you plan to do good, you will receive unfailing love and faithfulness.” We can make up our minds that anger will not be the thing that controls how we love, speak, forgive, or respond to people. Jesus Christ has given us something greater to put in its place. As we surrender our anger to Him and allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts, we can grow in patience, self-control, forgiveness, and wisdom. We can deal with what hurt us without becoming consumed by it, and we can refuse to allow yesterday’s anger to determine how we love people today. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Let Anger Control You”, written by Alex for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)
“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

Imagine being friends with a man that you’re interested in, but you don’t think he’s interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that there’s no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friend’s relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.

I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate we’re currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.

Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, “13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.

Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in God’s wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, “You can’t help who you love.” That’s a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.

God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Yet, most do not love God in this way. They don’t love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.

Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with God’s Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.

Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasn’t given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. It’s a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Friendship that Leads to Marriage”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

We’re living in a time that is like no other. We’re more intelligent than perhaps any other generation, and yet relationships seem to be much more complicated than they’ve ever been. Many single people are looking for compatible partners and complain that its like finding a needle in a haystack. Women say there aren’t any good men out there and men say the same about women. It’s a quandary that causes a tremendous amount of frustration and loneliness as a single person. We have to know that this isn’t what God had in mind when He presented Adam with Eve. He told them to cling to one another in the spirit of unity, and to be fruitful and multiply. He made it very simple, but sin turned it into something complicated. God never wanted this for a married couple, and if we want to partner successfully, we must heed His warnings and get back on track with the expectations of His Will.

The wrong person

Romans 8:29(NLT) says, “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” Our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us. He knows everything there is to know about us, and He has a plan for our lives. Even before we were formed in our mother’s womb, God chose the exact time and place of our births. There’s nothing random about us, and He wants us to understand this.

God always wants what is best for us, and God’s Will is always the best. His Will is that we become in every way like His first and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. We are to spend our lives learning to love, give, and share like Christ, but we have an enemy that will stop at nothing to prevent us from doing this. It’s one of the reasons we must not ignore the warnings in God’s Word about guarding our hearts. He tells us in Proverbs 4:23(NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Many of us haven’t approached our relationships with this level of diligence. We’ve allowed the wrong person into our hearts, and it has been the downfall of many.

Be clear that the devil knows your type. Getting you to fall deeply in love with someone sent by him is a very old trick of his. We should by no means be afraid of this, but God has warned us to be exceedingly careful. He tells us in 1Peter 5:8(NLT), “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” Heavenly Father wouldn’t warn us about the forces of darkness if they were not a danger. We are empowered through Christ to resist these attempts against us. We must be fully committed to lean on Heavenly Father for wisdom and discernment regarding our significant relationships, and if you haven’t heard from the Lord that this person is sent from Him, hit pause.

Don’t get lost in fairy tales

It’s a fairy tale to expect things to work out well when we fail to acknowledge God’s Word and Will. Faith is required to have lasting and meaningful relationships, especially in our day and time, and faith comes from hearing God’s truth. We can’t have a fairy tale mentality about what it takes to cross paths with the person that God has ordained to walk with us through life, and we can’t be lost in a fairy tale about what it will take to maintain unity and peace with this person.

We can’t build relationships on the world and its fantasies, and God has warned us not to attempt to do this. He tells us in Proverbs 4:25-27(NLT), “25 Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. 26 Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. 27 Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” Romance can be a beautiful thing, but it was never intended to be a fairy tale. It’s given to us to treasure the person that God sends.

1Corinthians 3:11(ESV) tells us, “For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” God warns us to keep the ways of Christ and never try to build on a foundation that wasn’t laid by Christ. He tells us in Matthew 7:26-27(NLT), “26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” Heed God’s warnings that protect your relationship with Him and your standing in Christ. Let God take care of your quest for marriage, and you take care of worshipping Him in truth, preserving yourself in holiness, and applying His Word to every aspect of your life.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Don’t Ignore the Warnings”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

Colossians 3:14(NLT)

There are quite a few single Christian women that are praying fervently to cross paths with their future husbands. They become so used to the posture of praying to receive that when they finally do cross paths with a man they believe is Mr. Right, some of God’s daughters are overwhelmed. They just about lose their minds because they’ve waited a long time. The loneliness and wondering when things were going to turn around was challenging, and they don’t want to ever go back to those days. Sometimes, this causes them to place too much focus on the man and not enough focus on growing stronger in Christ. They’ll do just about anything to secure the new relationship. God’s grace is sufficient to us when this happens. He gives us time to adjust, but many singles take advantage of God’s grace and His patience.

When a man makes himself comfortable in our lives, he makes space for us in his heart. That’s such a wonderful thing, and God delights in our happiness. This is exactly what we prayed to happen, and we’re thrilled. There are so many emotions coming to the surface that it can surprise us how much we neglect or put other things on hold for this significant person. I know you know what I’m talking about. We must be careful to remember how easy it is to be lured away from our commitment to God with this. It should be no surprise that this is why God wants us spiritually strong before we partner, so that we will not succumb to the temptation of putting anything or anyone ahead of our relationship with God.

Hebrews 13:5(ESV) states, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”” This lesson isn’t just about money. It’s about demonstrating our gratitude for all that God is and all that He has done for us. It’s about prioritizing what’s important to God, because what’s important to Him should be important to us. People come and go. God is the One that will never leave or forsake us. He’s our everything and the Source of all blessings. We say we know and understand this, but our actions often say something very different. We don’t behave in every situation as though we realize that God must be number one in our hearts.

Understand fully that God can never, ever accept the position of number two. It’s far beneath what He deserves. Our responsibility to the faith should never be hot one minute and cold the next. The love of Christ is what opens the door in our lives for Mr. Right, but things can go south very quickly if we abandon our stand and jeopardize our relationship with God. We always need to behave as though we are aware of this temptation and are continuously praying to outpace it.

Many relationships with successful starts have ended in heartbreak because we underestimated the prayer, obedience, and loyalty that God requires. Our love for Him is the glue that holds all other relationships together. He tells us in Ephesians 4:3(NLT), “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” It is our responsibility, yours and mine, to keep ourselves spiritually strong through God’s Word so that we treasure our oneness with the Spirit. Our union with the indwelling Holy Spirit binds us with others that love God, and it will strengthen every relationship we have if we are faithful to Him.

The brand of love that you and I produce on our own doesn’t have stickability. We have all these conditions and limitations to our love. If he doesn’t look a certain way, have money, or have a good job, we might not even give him the time of day. We see this a lot in men as well, especially those that haven’t yet learned to honor and appreciate a woman’s stand on God’s Word. Some of them make demands and will withdraw their affection and attention if those demands are not met. This isn’t God’s love; His love would never operate that way.

We must understand that we are never at a disadvantage for staying faithful to God and obeying His Word. God will always back the blessings He gives us, and we should never worry or think for one second that He will not. We need God’s love and Word to keep us moving in the direction of marriage. Keep yourself committed to God. Stay in His Word continually and always keep God first in your life.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Binding Your Relationship with God’s Love”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

2Peter 3:9(ESV) assures us, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” God has promised us a rich inheritance in the Lord Jesus Christ, and it will be more than we could ever have imagined. When we compare what is to come with our everyday reality, our present circumstances don’t come close. Most of us are aware of this, and we want God to hurry up, quick fast and in a hurry, so that we can bask in the wonder of all He has in store.

This verse in 2Peter 3:9 tells us that God isn’t slow to bring His promises to past. We are witnessing His incredible patience with us. He is waiting for every person whose name is written in His Book of Life to come to Him and repent. His patience is purposeful to His plan, and this is a paradigm for every aspect of His Will.

When it comes to being single, many of us can relate to thinking that things are moving too slow. We can tolerate one or two years, but waiting for Mr. Right much longer than this seems a bit much. The loneliness can turn into one long stretch of feeling sad and disappointed, and anyone that has experienced this knows how taxing it can be. Although feeling lonely and sad can weigh us down, these feelings also reveal that we are acutely aware of the differences between happiness and sadness. We know when happiness isn’t in our neighborhood, and that’s not a place we want to live. So, the experience of sadness and loneliness can teach us how much we value happiness and how much we believe it is tied to having a significant relationship.

This is important information because it gives us a very clear yardstick of measuring where we are and where we want to be. The vision of where we want to be is the dynamic we must learn to work with and transform. 2Peter 3:9 points out very decisively the difference between where we are right now, living in this world, and it points out where we will be when we return to our heavenly home. None of us have seen heaven with our physical eyes, but we know that earth cannot compare to heaven. However, God tells us about what is to come in His Word so that the vision of the glory that awaits us will remain fresh in our minds and hearts. He doesn’t want us to ever lose sight of the reality that this earth is a temporary dwelling, and that which is to come is more extraordinary than we can imagine. This is our hope, and maintaining hope is crucial to being happy.

Our desire for marriage is sort of a small trial run for our hearts and minds. It’s something many of us truly want, but it hasn’t yet manifested in our lives. Just as there’s a distance between where we are and the reality of God’s promise of our inheritance in Christ, there is a distance between our current single status and the promise of marriage. When it comes to His promise in 2Peter 3:9, God is patiently waiting for the repentance of those that haven’t yet come to Him. What’s this wait about? He’s waiting for the person to change, for them to recognize that they need Him desperately and they need to surrender their lives to Him. He is relentlessly patient to wait for all His children to repent, and He will never break His promise to wait for this.

As we hold on to the vision of getting married to the person God will send, we must come to terms with this distance between being single and being married. In order to bridge that distance, something has to change. This is a truth many have failed to acknowledge. Change begins internally and then, as we are transformed, our external reality will begin to mirror the greater love of Christ that we have anchored in our hearts and minds.

It cannot be lost on us that our refusal to put on more of Christ, and our allegiance to remain where we are in our minds and hearts will translate to remaining the same in our circumstances. Sadness and loneliness don’t speak the truth about the vision of marriage God has given us. They don’t help us put on more of God’s love and faith in our hearts, and they do not represent a true picture of the faith we should have regarding the vision of marriage we should hold for ourselves.

Are you seeing yourself as a woman that is sold-out in your faith in God? Is your heart overflowing with joy because God has made such wonderful promises in His Word to His children? Do you believe that God is the Giver of good and perfect gifts, and He delights in your joy and happiness? Can you see yourself as the most loving, compassionate, selfless and giving wife you can be? The answers to these questions reveal that something inside must change to hold the vision of marriage that God desires for you. Show Him that you are committed to it. Get in His Word and pray that as you renew your mind and learn more about Christ, He will transform your vision of marriage into the reality He has for you. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Something Has to Change”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

“Could it be that the reason you’re so frustrated with life is because things didn’t work out with your man?” A mutual friend asked Adrienne this question because she seemed to be having a tough week. She didn’t want to be around anyone, and this was unusual for a person as outgoing as Adrienne. We all suspected that she was going through something with the significant person in her life; it had been an on-again-off-again relationship for almost a decade. It was no secret that Adrienne wanted to marry this man, and she thought Stephon was changing his mind about marriage, but he never made any promises. She was in such a tailspin because he finally told her that he was nowhere near ready to be married. He didn’t want to hurt her, but ended their conversation with, “I just really don’t consider myself the marrying type.”

Why do men do things like this? Why do they remain in a relationship for that long, knowing full well that the woman has marriage on her mind? To be honest, the answer to these questions isn’t difficult, and deep down, most women know it. The reason why a man will remain in a 10-year on-again-off-again relationship and never commit to marriage is because he knows he can. This isn’t a righteous move on his part, but it’s not just him. This is an issue that involves both the man and the woman.

In Luke 9:62(NLT), our Master Jesus taught about the importance of commitment and the danger of procrastination. He said, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”  A plow is a farming tool. Jesus Christ often used farming in his teachings because farming was a huge part of the lifestyle of those living during that time. They didn’t have the convenience of grocery stores back then, so they were dependent on farming for their own source of food. They had to maintain livestock that could be used for meat, and they had to grow their own vegetables, as well as grains for bread. In order to keep the land fertile for planting, a plow was used to manually turned over the soil each planting season, and this was not easy labor.

It’s not difficult to understand why farming was key to survival. It was nothing to play around with. A farmer was expected to understand the requirements and get to it. He had to know that plowing is laborious and necessary work that is required to produce the beneficial and expected results. He also had to understand that a failure to produce a harvest might mean catastrophe for his family. This is the backdrop for Luke 9:62, and Jesus Christ zeroes in on the importance of what’s at stake.

A qualified farmer is someone who provides and produces for others. He would never put his hand to a plow and then procrastinate and look away with hesitation. If he does this, Jesus says he’s not fit for the Kingdom of God. He’s not fit because he’s vacillating, and this equates to instability. James 1:8(KJV) states, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

Is this what we think we deserve, someone that procrastinates or looks away in hesitation because they’re not sure about us. Both men and women have done this when it comes to the things of God. We’re not stepping up to the plate in faith, but we’re wavering, wondering if God is who He says He is and if He’ll do what He says He will do in His Word. We have our hands on the plow, but we’re not prepared to move it forth with the obedience and diligence God requires. If we’re not going to do it for God, our Creator and Source of all that is good, we are certainly not going to do it for another human being.

Women need to understand this very basic piece of wisdom. They are expecting a man to commit to them wholeheartedly when they have not committed wholeheartedly to God. We can change this, and we should. 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT) says, “The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” This verse tells us that God desires to bless His people, and His people have the distinct pleasure and responsibility to present the landscape for His blessings to land.

1Samuel 16:7 affirms that God doesn’t see things the way that we do. He doesn’t judge by outward appearance; God looks at the heart. He warns us in Proverbs 4:23(NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” He’s telling us to guard against apathy, doubt, or anything else that comes against Him and His Word, because those things will shape a future that we will not like. Whatever is in our hearts will produce an outcome. It will either give God something to work with or not. And sometimes, we are crying out for the man to love us, when our hearts have not made enough space for God.

Galatians 6:7(NLT) warns, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” It is very clear that if we’re not putting the love of God out there in the way that God has ordained, we’re not going to get the return we expect. Many men will not be righteous in their dealings. They come into relationships and stay in them when they are fully aware of their intentions to remain unmarried, but women have a responsibility to God and to themselves to see this for what it is. We cannot expect a man to change his opinion about our worthiness to be his wife when he doesn’t even want one.

In 1Corinthians 7:7(MSG), the Apostle Paul said, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” Paul understood that our whole purpose for being in the earth is to have a relationship with God and to grow more like Christ with each passing day. Most of us struggle with the truth that this is our purpose and choose to do our own thing rather than to follow after our King. Paul resisted this trap. He understood that our purpose is just that simple and that many people, especially women, have looked to marriage to fill their cups instead of God.

This is why Paul said that being single is a simpler life. It allows an individual to be singular in focus when it comes to the things of God. For others, marriage is the way to go. God gives these individuals the gift of marriage because they understand that marriage is designed to deepen our relationship with God, not detract from it. At least one of the individuals in any couple must comprehend this truth. When that’s the case, they will always put God first, and He will reward them according to the love of Christ that is in their hearts. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Marriage Is A Gift from God”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Matthew 17:20(NLT)
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

In front of her friends, Ruby puts on a very confident face, insisting that her faith is fully persuaded when it comes to marriage. She’s forever claiming and confessing it whenever the subject comes up, but the reality is that she hides her frustration and sadness about the wait from others. She wants her friends to think she has the faith to move that mountain called ‘being single’, but her circumstances paint a different outcome, and she feels hopeless. Ruby really doesn’t believe the words and confessions she’s speaking. For the last seven years she’s been talking about her wedding plans, but the truth is that her hopes are slowly slipping away. God doesn’t want this to happen for her, and He doesn’t want it to happen to any of us either.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. It is a totally persuaded and sold-out trust in God. One of the mistakes that we often make is to have more faith in the desire and reality of marriage than we do in the Giver of all good and perfect gifts. This was Ruby’s mindset. The possibility of marriage excites us all to no end, but we are nowhere near as excited about our Heavenly Father and all that He is.

God is in control. That is a truth that none of us can fail to understand. Whether we’re married, dating, or single, faith is the confidence in knowing that God is in control. You are not in the driver’s seat of things, God is. Life will continually teach us this lesson. God calls us to rest in Him completely and to bring our worry, fear, and anxiety to Him rather than allowing those things to govern our lives. Learning to trust God with our lives deepens the intimacy we share with Him. Growing in Christ and knowing God through His Word is way beyond enough to keep us enthusiastic about our all-powerful, all-knowing Creator. Again, this enthusiasm should not be based on what we’re expecting to receive from Him, it should be anchored in the reality of who God is.

Jesus Christ declared in Matthew 17:20 that we only need faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. By this, he is giving us an indication of how powerful faith is. A little bit of it will yield seismic results. So, when we digest this truth, we can’t help but question the strength of our own faith. For many of us, our believing and faith has not yet produced the results we seek. So, we come away feeling disappointed and insecure that the faith we’ve held has not yet been enough to move the mountain we call ‘single’. We wonder if it will ever be, and we become so dissatisfied that we don’t want to try anymore. We shouldn’t focus on that but focus on God.

In the Old Testament, the man, Job, had endured tremendous tribulation, and he wanted to have a conversation with God about a few things. In Job 42:2(NLT), he said to God, “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” This is another piece of knowledge about our Heavenly Father that ought to be deeply imbedded in our minds and hearts. Whether it is marriage or any other thing we desire in life, God’s purpose will never be prevented. Our temper tantrums, dissatisfaction, and upsets about the wait isn’t going to do us any good. God is the One with the plan for our lives, and rather than getting depressed about the mountain not budging, we need to be about building our faith in the omnipotence, love, and goodness of our God.

Hebrews 11:6(NIV) says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” This verse is not referring to faith in the blessings we desire. It’s talking about the kind of faith in God that increases the intimacy in our relationship with Him. Our relationship with God is built on trusting Him, regardless of our conditions and circumstances. It’s not about us getting what we want, it’s about giving God all that we are.

It’s impossible to please our Heavenly Father without faith in Him, and this is where some of us need to examine our hearts. If our attention has become so fixed on marriage that our confidence in God rises and falls according to whether He gives us what we want, something needs to shift. Every believer must make this shift in the mind and heart, so that our lives become centered on God and our relationship with Him. The closeness we share with our Creator is what pleases Him, and when this is our great desire, the increase of faith becomes a very natural occurrence, and so does God’s rewards.

So many of us want to get married because we can’t wait to give our hearts to the man. When we meet him, guaranteed, we’re going to place our confidence in him without much effort at all. We want this so much because we desire deep connection and intimacy in the relationship with our future spouse. However, many of us haven’t surrendered ourselves to God to a level that exceeds what we’re so willing to surrender to someone else. We can become so eager for intimacy with another person that we fail to pursue the far greater intimacy God desires to have with us.

In all those seven years, Ruby didn’t realize that God was calling her to get closer to Him, to stay in His face by staying in His Word. She overlooked James 2:17-18(NLT), when he said, “17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.” You already have the mustard seed of faith, so let your deeds and commitment to God reflect the trust you say you have in Him. And maybe the first mountain that needs to move isn’t singleness at all. Maybe it’s the belief that your life can’t be full, joyful, and deeply satisfying unless your circumstances change. Put your faith in God rather than a particular outcome, and trust Him with the mountain—whatever He chooses to do with it. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by Permission of Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide.

“The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.