Our relationships are one of the places where our walk with Jesus Christ becomes visible. Explore biblical teaching and practical wisdom for loving people well, building and maintaining healthy relationships, communicating with grace and truth, forgiving, setting appropriate boundaries, serving others, handling conflict, and recognizing when wisdom may require a relationship to change or come to an end.
Our Relationships Are One of the Places Our Faith Becomes Visible
Jesus Christ never intended our relationship with Him to affect only what happens between us and God. As we grow in Christ, something about the way we relate to people should begin to change too. We should become more patient, more willing to forgive, less determined to have our own way, and more aware of how our words and actions affect others. We won’t get it right all the time, but the love of Christ working in us should eventually become noticeable in the way we treat people.
Jesus made this connection very clear when He told His disciples:
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34–35 (NLT)
That’s a pretty high standard because Jesus didn’t simply tell us to love people when they are easy to love. He said, “Just as I have loved you.” His love is patient and merciful. It serves. It forgives. It tells the truth. It doesn’t disappear the moment somebody disappoints Him. At the same time, the love of Jesus Christ is never weak, dishonest, or without wisdom. He could be incredibly compassionate and still tell someone the truth they needed to hear.
That matters because we sometimes confuse Christian love with keeping everybody happy. We can think loving someone means never saying no, never disagreeing, overlooking behavior that needs to be addressed, or remaining in relationships that continually cause harm. But that isn’t what Jesus showed us. There were people He embraced, people He corrected, people He served, people He confronted, and even times when He walked away. Love was present in all of it.
Learning to love people like Jesus Christ is something God develops in us over time. Our relationships give us plenty of opportunities to practice what we say we believe about grace, patience, forgiveness, humility, honesty, and service. They also require wisdom because not every relationship should have the same access to our lives. As we learn from Jesus Christ and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, we become better equipped to love people genuinely without losing the truth, wisdom, and boundaries that healthy relationships need.■
Comfort Can Cost You What You Didn’t Realize Was at Risk
One day, sitting at a red light, I watched a woman walk straight through a busy intersection—completely absorbed in her phone. Cars were moving, people were watching, but she was unaware. And in that moment, it hit me—distraction doesn’t always feel dangerous until it is. That’s how it happens spiritually too. We don’t always drift because we’re rebellious; sometimes we drift because we’ve grown comfortable. We let our guard down in places that actually require awareness, and over time, what once felt small becomes the very thing that leaves us exposed.
Revelation 3:2–3 (NLT) gives a direct wake-up call: “Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead… Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.” This isn’t gentle language—it’s urgent. Because spiritual complacency doesn’t just pause growth, it weakens what was once alive. And if we’re honest, some of us are moving through life with our eyes open, but spiritually we’ve gone quiet. When it comes to the things of God, we’re passive, unguarded, and unaware of how much our spiritual strength matters.
Scripture makes it plain—there’s no neutral ground here. You’re either aligned with God or you’re drifting, but there’s no safe middle to hide in. 1 Peter 5:8 (NLT) tells us, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” That means we don’t get to coast. We don’t get to move through life half-aware, especially when it comes to the areas that matter most. We stay grounded by remaining in God’s Word, by praying consistently, and by seeking His direction before we move—not after we’ve already stepped into something we didn’t fully discern.
And this matters deeply when it comes to relationships. As single women, it’s easy to fall into patterns that feel normal but quietly leave us unguarded—entertaining attention too quickly, opening up too soon, or allowing emotions to lead before God has spoken. But your heart is not something to casually place in someone’s hands. The enemy often targets this area first, because if he can disrupt your discernment, he can influence your direction. This is why we can’t afford to move impulsively. We don’t dive in—we seek God first, allowing Him to lead us with clarity instead of trying to sort things out after we’re already emotionally involved.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) reminds us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” That includes your relationships. God is not silent about who you connect with—He is intentional. He leads, He warns, and He confirms. But we have to stay in position to hear Him. Comfort can make you careless if you’re not paying attention, and this is not the time for that. We are living in times that require spiritual awareness, not emotional impulse. You can’t afford to walk blindly into something that looks good but isn’t aligned.
Take your time. Pay attention. Watch for fruit. And most importantly, stay connected to God every step of the way. Pray before you open your heart. Seek Him before you say yes. Don’t ignore what the Holy Spirit is showing you just because something feels good. Peace doesn’t come from rushing—it comes from alignment. And when you stay aligned with God, you don’t have to strive to figure everything out. He will lead you, guard you, and guide you into what is truly right for your life.
Now is not the time to be comfortable. It’s the time to be aware, anchored, and led. ■
Luke 16:10 (NLT) reminds us of something that reaches deeper than we often realize: “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” This isn’t just about money or tasks—it’s about stewardship of everything God entrusts to us, including our relationships. Spiritual maturity shows up in how we handle what looks small. Because what we do in private…is never actually small in the eyes of God.
And this is where many of us have to slow down and be honest.
We can be quick to bring people into spaces God never told us to open—especially when it comes to relationships. There’s a temptation to talk too soon, share too much, and invite opinions before we’ve even sought God fully. Giving people front-row access to something that’s still forming can introduce confusion, pressure, and unnecessary interference. Not everything needs commentary. Some things need covering—the kind that thrives in discretion.
I remember someone once said to me, “You’re really good at keeping people out of your business.” At first, I didn’t know how to take that. But over time, I realized—it wasn’t distance, it was discernment. There’s a difference between being open and being unguarded. One is led by wisdom…the other isn’t.
Wisdom knows when to speak…and when to be still. Proverbs 13:3 (NLT) tells us, “Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” That’s not just about avoiding trouble—it’s about preserving what God is doing. Because once something is spoken, it’s no longer just between you and God. It’s been released into other minds, other interpretations, and other influences.
And we have to understand—everything doesn’t need to be exposed in order to grow properly.
If we’re not careful, we’ll assume every voice around us is there to help—but Scripture shows us that’s not true. In Job’s life, it wasn’t just loss he was dealing with—the enemy was actively at work, and the wrong voices showed up right on time. Job 2:2 (NLT) says, “I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on.” That’s not symbolic—that’s strategy. The enemy watches—he looks for openings, and when he finds one, he doesn’t always come directly—sometimes he works through people. That’s why discernment isn’t optional. We’re not called to live in fear, but we are called to live aware—and to move with wisdom about who we allow to speak into what God is doing in our lives.
Wisdom knows how to guard what God is building.
This is why discretion matters. Not fear. Not secrecy. But Spirit-led restraint. Some things are meant to be prayed through before they’re spoken about. Some things need time to take root before they’re shared. And some things are simply meant to remain between you and God.
When we lack discernment, we can unintentionally expose what should have been covered. But when we walk in wisdom, we create space for God to move without interference, without noise, and without unnecessary pressure.
So instead of asking, “Who can I tell?”—we start asking, “Lord, what are You saying?”
Because faith requires focus. And focus requires guarding what God has placed in your hands.
Not everything needs an audience. And everything God gives deserves to be handled with care. ■
Through the words of the Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 2:22 (NLT), God gives us instruction that is both protective and directional: “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” Notice that this isn’t just about what to avoid—it’s about what to pursue, and who to pursue it with. Because whether we realize it or not, the people in our lives are either reinforcing our alignment with God…or quietly pulling us away from it. Spiritual strength doesn’t happen by accident—it’s maintained intentionally. We don’t drift into it. And we don’t stay anchored in Christ while constantly listening to voices that don’t honor Him.
This becomes especially clear when we look at relationships. Some consider marriage as a way to resolve physical desire—but if we’re honest, that foundation won’t hold. When a relationship is built primarily on what the body wants, it won’t have the depth to sustain what covenant requires. God never designed marriage to be a quick answer to desire. He designed it as a reflection of something holy, something intentional, something that carries weight beyond emotion and impulse. So the real question isn’t just “Do we want each other?” It’s “Are we aligned with God’s purpose for this union?”
Emotions can feel convincing. They can rise quickly and speak loudly. But they are not designed to lead. When we allow feelings to take the lead, we often make decisions that our spirit hasn’t agreed with. And that’s where confusion enters. Marriage, by God’s design, requires more than emotional connection—it requires spiritual clarity, maturity, and a willingness to walk in obedience even when feelings fluctuate. Physical intimacy has its place, but it was never meant to carry the weight of the relationship. When commitment, faithfulness, and reverence for God lead, the relationship has something solid to stand on.
Matthew 19:4–5 (NLT) reminds us what Jesus Himself says about marriage: “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’”
God’s design for marriage is not casual, and it’s not something we define based on what feels right in the moment. It is intentional, weighty, and deeply spiritual. When two people come together in covenant, they are not just sharing life—they are stepping into something God Himself established. That kind of union requires more than attraction. It requires understanding, surrender, and a willingness to honor God not just at the beginning, but all the way through. Because becoming “one” is not a feeling—it’s a lifelong yielding.
Genesis 2:18 (NLT) sheds light on the heart behind this design: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.’” That word helper speaks to partnership, support, and alignment—not dependency rooted in emptiness. Marriage was never meant to fill a void or quiet loneliness. It was created as a divine partnership where two people walk together in purpose, strengthening one another as they follow God. If we enter it trying to fix what only God can heal, we place pressure on the relationship that it was never designed to carry.
This is why Paul’s instruction in 2 Timothy 2:22 matters so much. The call to pursue righteousness, faithfulness, love, and peace isn’t meant to be lived out in isolation. It’s meant to be supported by the company we keep. When you surround yourself with people who genuinely call on the Lord with hearts that honor Him, something shifts. There is accountability. There is wisdom. There is covering. You begin to make decisions from a place of alignment instead of impulse. And you start to recognize that who you walk with will either strengthen your obedience…or slowly erode it.
Some of us have underestimated this. We’ve allowed voices into our lives that sound good but aren’t grounded. We’ve entertained relationships that stir emotion but don’t strengthen our walk. And over time, that misalignment shows up in our choices. But God, in His wisdom, has already given us the pattern. Pursue what is right. Stay anchored in Him. And be intentional about who you allow to walk closely with you.
Proverbs 13:20 (NLT) says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Pure-hearted companionship isn’t just something that feels good—it actually guards you. When you’re connected to people who genuinely love God and stand on His Word like you do, you’re not just gaining company—you’re gaining strength. These are the ones who speak life, pray with you and for you, and offer wisdom that keeps you grounded. They’re committed to walking through real life with you, helping you stay aligned in faith, love, and a true reverence for our Heavenly Father.
So let His wisdom guide this area of your life. Because the company you keep is never neutral—it’s always shaping the direction you’re headed. ■
Psalm 73:25-26 (NLT) “25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.”
If you’ve been in a significant relationship for a few years, and then things fall apart, the absence of having this person in your life can be deafening. When we’re in a relationship, we rarely consider the pain, anxiety, and lasting consequences that follow a breakup. These are not welcomed visitors, but they can come without invitation. We got too comfortable and for some of us, this was a trap. Without being conscious of it, “He’s mine forever” began to play in the background of our minds, and we bought into this even though the man never promised it, and his actions never conveyed it.
Discernment The harsh reality is that pain is often our greatest teacher. It should teach us to guard our hearts, to be careful about who we let into our lives, and to be as patient with God as possible, especially when we’re figuring out exactly what we’re working with in the discernment phase of the relationship. It should also teach us that we desperately need God’s help with the rugged terrain of relationships. It’s arguably the area that we need spiritual discernment most. We need this sharpened spiritual tool to steer clear of men that will ultimately be harmful to our walk with the Father through Jesus Christ. They can cause us to go backward instead of forward, and when we get caught up in this, we can potentially miss the one God has sent.
We need to know that it’s possible to miss a blessing. People do it all the time. Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” The wrong path will set us up for failure, but in every case, the right path will lead us to God’s blessings. He’s the One who shows us which path to take. If we lean on Him, we’ll have the discernment to know what is for us and what isn’t.
Learn to love appropriately
The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:9-11(The Message) says, “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Romantic love isn’t primary. Loving a man through the love of Jesus Christ is most important to our Heavenly Father, and this is the kind of love that overcomes all obstacles.
God’s wisdom teaches us that “He’s mine forever” is not the right attitude when there’s no ring on our fingers. We know from experience that sometimes relationships do not stand the test of time; only our relationship with God through Jesus Christ will last forever. So, we must be so careful not to place all our eggs in another individual’s basket. We need to be anchored in God. Only He is worthy of all our trust. The psalmist said in Psalm 73:25 that he desired God more than anything else. This should be the passion of our hearts as well. When it is, we will walk with the Lord, and be guided by Him. Then we can trust what He has for us with all our hearts. ■
1 John 3:16-18 (NLT) “16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion–how can God’s love be in that person? 18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”
Recently I noticed something a bit different about a co-worker and good friend. He’s usually in a great mood and always anxious for the end of the day on Fridays so his weekend can begin. He’s been dating someone for over a year, and they’ve been spending a lot of time together on the weekends, but something has changed. After almost a week of being unusually quiet, I asked him if he was alright. He said to me, “I had been seriously contemplating giving my lady an engagement ring, but there’s some things about her that I’ve noticed lately. They are too concerning for me to overlook. I love her, but I don’t think I can make this move yet. I need to see a change.”
His honesty with himself about what he was seeing from this woman is impressive. He wasn’t in denial about what could potentially be real problems in a marriage down the road, and that’s a really good thing. As women, sometimes we don’t give ourselves this gift. Even when there are flashing lights and warning signs all over the place, if we think a ring is even a remote possibility, some of us will ignore it when the man has issues that are very problematic. Our aim shouldn’t be to ignore these things, but to deal with them in a way that leaves us and the other person in a higher spiritual place.
In the beginning of relationships, people present themselves in a certain way because they are purposefully trying to put themselves in the best possible light. This kind of surface-dwelling can last up to a year, and even longer. It’s inevitable, though, that this will eventually wear thin and two people will begin to see what is underneath the surface about each other. It can be a very challenging time in the relationship, and most of them go through this stage. There’s going to be a point where two people see each other’s dirt, and sometimes it can be so hurtful that many couples do not recover.
Both people think that they are right and the other is wrong. A woman might say, “I’m ready but he has this issue that keeps popping up.” If abuse is the issue, that should never be tolerated, but when it isn’t a factor and both individuals are committed to Christ, our Lord and Master should have the final say. He gives us the truth, and it breaks through all the layers and it should cause us yield to God’s Will, purpose, and plan.
In Matthew 7:3-5(NLT), Jesus said, “3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” When things go south, tit-for-tat is often the game played. We think that if the other person would just change something about themselves, things would be better. But the reality is that no one wins in the blame game. Both individuals need to take a good long look in the mirror. In significant relationships, we all come to the table broken in some way. And when it comes to taking that relationship to the next level, we all think we’re ready, but the truth is simply that sometimes we’re not.
There’s a place of pain within all of us, and when something is done to take us to that place, our first inclination is to shut down and become non-communicative. Jesus Christ offers another solution. We need to get rid of the speck in our own eye, and that is a very challenging thing to do, but we can do it if we humble ourselves under the leadership and direction of the Holy Spirit. Many of us have a need to be right, and when things get raw, we can easily turn to bitterness and blame. We can be like, “That’s a wrap for me!” but we have to be careful, because this would never be the response of Jesus Christ. Whether the relationship is salvageable or not, we have to take a step back and be obedient to the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23(NLT) tells us, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” These are the fruit the Spirit produces, and he produces them through us. We must submit to this.
God’s Word tells us that when we grow up and mature spiritually and physically, we must let go of childish things. We must come to a place in our faith where we recognize and trust that the power of God’s love can transform anything. It can transform us, and it can transform the one that has hurt us. We are His children, and if we allow His love to reign in our attitude and behavior, we will demonstrate that we are true disciples of Christ. We will witness that God’s love is the ultimate problem solver. It will cause us to be who He wants us to be, and it is the solid foundation on which any lasting and beautiful relationship must rest.■
Proverbs 13:3(NLT) “Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.”
Words have power, and they can change the course of our lives. Words can also change the course of our relationships as well. Through our words, we can choose to build unity and harmony in them, or we can tear them down. This is a truth that must be firmly anchored in our hearts and minds as we spiritually prepare for marriage. Many single believers have embarked upon the journey to make space in their lives for a significant person, but they’ve not considered the conversations or statements they’ve made about the disappointments and heartaches of the past. We haven’t thought about the changes we need to make regarding the confessions, or lack thereof, about our futures. For many single individuals, their words haven’t shifted very much at all in the last few years, and they’ve neglected or refused to connect the results they’re getting with the words they’ve spoken.
A person can tell a lot about what is in the heart of another by the words they speak. Proverbs 13:3 says it best by telling us that opening our mouths can ruin everything. We can spoil an opportunity or close a door to a blessing by having doubt in our hearts and letting it spew from our lips, but the most harmful damage of words of doubt and negativity is what they do to our faith and believing.
God commands us in Philippians 4:6(NLT), “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Worry is a state of anxiety that occurs when our minds dwell on difficulties and troubles because we’re uncertain about the future. Our Heavenly Father makes it plain that faith is the answer for worry, fear, and anxiety. God is the only One that holds our futures, and He has promised in Jeremiah 29:11 to give those who love Him a good future and a hope for continual abundance as we flourish in Him. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 11:23 to have faith in God. We simply must believe our Heavenly Father when He promises to take care of us, but some of us are not following the commandment of Christ. We’re not trusting God as we should, and it’s evident in the words that we speak.
Faith begins in our hearts and then it is expressed through our thoughts and words. When our minds and hearts are on board with faith and our thoughts, feelings, and words line up with it, God is pleased, and things begin to change. This is what “not worrying” looks like. What comes next is our prayers to God with a mind and heart that is at peace because we trust Him. In Isaiah 26:3(NLT), the prophet said about the Most High, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” It’s this peace that God gives us that inspires confidence in His willingness and ability to bless us.
We simply need to tell God what we need. We must open our mouths and speak Words that express our need and our gratitude to Him not just for all He’s done, but for all He’s going to do to bless our lives as well. Refusing to entertain fear, praying to God in faith about everything, telling Him what we need, and then thanking Him for it—claiming it in the name of Jesus Christ, this is a practice that encompasses how we ought to be thinking, speaking, and feeling all the time. God’s Will is that we move from faith to faith, and if we’re going to move this way, our words need to always reflect our intention to go higher.
God commands us in Ephesians 4:29(NLT), “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Some of us have taken a very laxed approach to living according to this commandment. When much of what comes out of our mouths is foul, and we’re not being careful about what we say, we might damage the heart of another individual, or injure their relationship with God. Faith dictates that we change the way we think and change the way we speak so that our lives are a magnet for blessings and not negativity. We must practice this while we’re single so that we demonstrate the spiritual maturity to build unity in the relationship we desire.
Proverbs 18:21(NLT) teaches us that “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” We are going to reap the consequences of our confessions and statements. One of the main reasons we become stuck in life is because we either haven’t learned or have refused to change the way we speak. We’re still speaking death over our circumstances rather than speaking words of faith. This has to change. In order to build unity in a good and lasting relationship, we must understand how to spiritually maintain, rest, and abide in God’s peace, so that we can help create an atmosphere of peace in our homes. We do this by thinking and speaking as Christ thought and spoke. So, make sure your words are building a lovely foundation for faith and marriage, because this is what God requires for your relationship with Him and with the man He brings into your life.■
1 Peter 5:6 (NLT) “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.”
Kevin is everything that Desi wanted in a man. Like so many of us, she prayed a long while to meet someone special. When Kevin came into her life, oddly enough, marriage was the last thing on her mind. She’d been supporting her best friend, Lydia, who was midway through chemo, and she was also taking care of Lydia’s 11-year-old daughter, Kristi. Desi had been running so hard the last two months that she barely had time to even wash her hair. She was very happy to be there for them, but the realization that Lydia had no one else to call on during one of the toughest challenges of her life left Desi both sad and afraid. She loved her friend dearly, but she didn’t ever want to be in her shoes. On the rainy Saturday afternoon when she met Kevin, she was so preoccupied with those thoughts that she had almost dismissed him.
Standing in the living room of Lydia’s tiny apartment one day, noticing how sparse it was and thinking about how long her friend had been sick and struggling, tears began to stream down Desi’s face. She remembered five years ago, when Lydia’s husband left without so much as a word, and never returned. The nice house, the car, the bank accounts, all of it slowly slipped away. As for her neighbors and so-called friends, Lydia felt like all of them except Desi were waiting for her to crumble, thinking to themselves, “the man is gone, what now?” But for Lydia, there were no tears, no pity parties, or mudslinging that anyone could see. It’s as if she said to herself, “I can’t stop. I gotta keep going.” And that’s exactly what she did.
Desi was determined to do whatever it took to see that Lydia and Kristi would be okay. She was consumed with their care. During those months, she had so little time that she was sure Kevin would become disinterested, but he didn’t. He kept calling and kept pursing, and she was so thankful he did.
Hebrews 4:16(ESV) tells us, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Many single women haven’t taken the time to express a deep gratitude to God for His amazing grace. They haven’t fully appreciated that we have the honor and privilege to go before His throne of grace in our time of need, and He will see us through. Lydia’s circumstances sheds light on the fact that many of us haven’t realized, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” The story for any of us could be much like her story, but because of God’s grace, we are blessed to have health, a sound mind, and the activity of our limbs.
God tells us in Romans 12:2(NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Many of us single women need to renew our minds and change the way we think. Instead of being impatient and full of doubt, we need to proclaim the goodness of God and thank Him for all that He’s done for us. 2Timothy 2:13(ESV) reminds us that “If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.” This truth must be anchored in our hearts and minds continually. Our God is faithful, and He will never leave or forsake us.
The abandonment of a husband, loneliness, and health challenges, these are difficult situations, but we don’t face these heavies alone. God is helping us every step of the way. He made sure that Lydia was supported by a loving and caring friend, and He made sure that Desi was sweetly rewarded for her selfless and giving heart. It is imperative that as single people our hearts are found faithful and deeply thankful to God for all He’s has done. Know that through every circumstance in your life, God’s love for you never falters. He doesn’t cause our tribulation, but He makes us stronger through it, and if we remain steadfast in our faith in Him, He will deliver, restore, and bless us beyond our greatest imaginations.■
Ephesians 4:26-27(NLT) “And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”
Grace and her sister have had a contentious relationship since they were young. Fighting weekly was the norm for them. Their parents saw it as sibling rivalry and did nothing to help them get along. Now that they’re adults, nothing has changed. Holidays, birthday celebrations, weddings, dinners with their parents, no matter the occasion, because of their deep-seated anger, these two sisters ignore each other and hardly ever speak.
Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, disapproval, and hostility. It is a mistake to think that once the situation or event that caused us to feel anger is over that it will go away. Sometimes, the anger doesn’t go away. Instead, it remains in our souls and increases its grip on us in the background. It can be a strong sense of powerlessness that causes us to lash out whenever we feel threatened. For many of us, it’s the go-to emotion that we use to cover up other pain and hurt. Our minds tell us that holding on to the anger with resentment or a grudge seems easier or more beneficial than to forgive. Grace and her sister took that approach. They never learned to address their anger through the love of Jesus Christ, and because they didn’t, they lived beneath their privilege.
As we look back over our childhoods, some of us might remember that there were a lot of passively angry people within our everyday environment. They used profanity and didn’t have a whole lot of compassion for the feelings and well-being of others. Some of us who saw this picked up those habits without giving it much thought. We took on this anger and used it in our words, attitudes, and manner of dealing with even those relationships that are dearest to us.
My nephew told me about a Christian woman that is a notoriously good baker. One Saturday, he went to a bake sale where she was selling her homemade cookies. The place was packed. People were getting antsy, and the baker was feeling pressured. They had been waiting in line for her cookies, and when it looked as though they would soon be sold out, things got a little disorderly. They began to yell out their orders rather than waiting their turn. My nephew noticed that the baker’s son had become agitated by everything, and when he yanked on her apron to get her attention, she spoke to him in a manner that was harsh, angry, and profane.
Many of us have seen mothers do this in public and not thought anything of it, but we should think of what it does to the child’s heart. God commands us in Ephesians 4:29(NLT), “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” The habit patterns of anger can be very easily passed on to us, and when they are, God commands us to root them out of our hearts.
Proverbs 14:12(NLT) says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” We think we have it all figured out, but the truth is, we can only see as far as our eyes allow us, and that is very limited. God sees the entire scope of our lives, so we must always trust His leadership and guidance, because only He can make our path clear and straight. There will always be things that will come against us and try to hinder or hold us back, but we must not respond in anger, because anger will set us further back. It will separate us from God’s blessings if we do not deal with in through His love.
Proverbs 14:17(NLT) tells us, “Short-tempered people do foolish things.” Many of us have witnessed this firsthand. People can appear to be very calm and non-reactionary. They look as though they’ve got it all together, but underneath all that exterior is a rage that seeps out at the most unassuming times. They are angry at the world but cover it up with a smile. This isn’t what God wants for us. He doesn’t want us to be fake. He wants us to exercise self-control that comes from trusting Him with all our hearts.
Anger should not be dominant or dormant in a loving person. As a child of God, you can’t hide behind it, because anger will never remain hidden. It must be nailed to the cross and left there. We must relinquish it and put on more of the love of Christ in its place.
Psalm 4:4(NLT) commands, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” Life will respond to what we give it, and it knows when anger is ruling the roost. It will show up in a way that keeps people at bay. Anger will keep a future husband circling around us but never making contact, because we haven’t created a soft place for his love to land. Let’s not do this to ourselves. Proverbs 14:22(NLT) says, “If you plan to do good, you will receive unfailing love and faithfulness.” So, plan to root out any anger and rage that is in your heart, so you can both give and receive the kind of unfailing love and faithfulness that God wants you to have. ■
1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT) “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
Imagine being friends with a man that you’re interested in, but you don’t think he’s interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that there’s no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friend’s relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.
I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate we’re currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.
Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, “13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.
Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in God’s wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, “You can’t help who you love.” That’s a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.
God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Yet, most do not love God in this way. They don’t love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.
2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.
Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with God’s Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.
Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasn’t given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. It’s a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. ■
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