Find A Christian Man

Tag: Growing in the Holy Spirit

Just Right for YOU!

“Marriage is not for me – I just don’t see myself being with the same person year after year.” Have you ever heard someone make this statement? I have, and I know folks over 50 that have never been married and still continue to feel this way. “Marriage just isn’t my thing…” is another statement I’ve heard some singles make more than a few times. Don’t get me wrong, I know full well that every person isn’t going to desire marriage, and we don’t need to be married in order to have a beautiful life. But if you don’t plan to ever get married, what’s the plan for physical intimacy? We know that God designed this aspect of marriage to bind a couple together in unity, so there’s an obvious question before many folks who hold the opinion that marriage isn’t for them. Is it fair to impede another person’s destiny or desire for marriage by binding yourself to them through sexual intimacy?

God’s Word is the definitive authority on all things pertaining to life. If God says it, that is indeed IT! He’s left an indisputable key for us in the commandment He made to His people living in Old Testament times. For generations, God specifically commanded His children not to intermarry with people who worshiped idols or who had rejected His truth. We saw the repercussions of violating God’s commandment in the lives of Naomi’s sons, Mahlon and Chilion, in the Book of Ruth. They died young and left their wives widows, and their mother without a source of support.

Some look at the wisdom of God’s statutes in ridicule. They think to themselves that these standards are not useful to Godly living today. This is a dangerous way to think. Our Heavenly Father’s wisdom is unmatched. None of us can fathom His magnificence and intelligence. He hasn’t changed, nor will He ever change. The precedent He set was unquestionable. He didn’t want His children to take on the energy and be affected by the erroneous beliefs, habits, or cultures of those who would never turn to Him or make Christ the Lord of their lives. In Deuteronomy 23:3-4(NLT), He told them, “3You must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, 4 for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods.”

Some of us bind ourselves to people we have no business bonding with. The best way to prevent this from happening is to ask God whether we are making a mistake before we make it. There’s such a thing as transference. Some refer to it as transmutation, which is engaging in an action that causes your state of being to be altered or changed into something it wasn’t before. Sex does this. Not only is it unfair to mess with someone else’s spiritual journey this way, it’s a sin before God. And tons of people never repent for it.

In Genesis 2:18(NLT), our Heavenly Father said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” This is the kind of loving Father our God is. He sees our need, and He wants us to depend on Him to fulfill it. But we have a part to play in this. We should try very hard not to alter someone’s spiritual journey or cause them to sin simply to satisfy our own physical pleasure. We are changed in ways we can’t begin to know when we take on the energy of others through physical intimacy. We should honor God and love ourselves enough to not let someone do this to us, and we should refuse to do it to anyone else. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Just Right for YOU!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 17, 2021
Home Is Where Love Abides

From the outside, my mother’s house looks like any other traditional brick ranch. Enter the front door, though, and you’ll feel like you’ve walked into a cottage of love. The memories of the home she made for us growing up reminds me of God’s wisdom in Proverbs 14:1(NLT). It says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” This truth speaks to God’s generosity in sharing the straightforward way in which He distinguishes a wise woman from a foolish woman. A wise woman builds, and a foolish woman tears down. One of the reasons this verse should be so important to us is because our Heavenly Father is a Righteous Judge. As single Christian women, we want to make sure that when He judges our actions, He can reward us in the present for what He knows we are committed to build in the future.

I grew up in a small town in the south. People worked very hard and they were thankful to have jobs locally, so they’d be able to adequately care for their families. The amenities of city life were miles away, so we didn’t venture outside our small area much. If you wanted something glamorous, fancy, or eccentric, you were forced to use your resourcefulness and imagination if you had one. My mother definitely had one. She could turn the most insignificant objects into something beautiful. She’d cut branches from trees in the backyard, spray paint and decorate them beautifully, and made whimsical table arrangements; not just for our home, but for the neighbors as well. I’m amused sometimes when I see certain creations that people post on social media. They charge exorbitant amounts of money for them as if these are new discoveries. Those with limited resources and vivid imaginations have been making something out of nothing for years. This was commonplace with my mom. She made the ordinary seem extraordinary.

When I purchased my first home, I knew I wanted to make my home feel like my mother’s. The colors on the walls, the type of furniture in each room, even down to the smell of the house when you walk through the front door. I wanted every detail to emulate warmth and love like my Mom’s home did, and still does. I wanted every person that came to my home to feel like they never wanted to leave.

People love their childhood homes for different reasons, but as a single woman desiring marriage, the love of Christ is a characteristic that must be passed on to all those that will be influenced or impacted by our legacy. Ephesians 1:22(NLT) tells us, “God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church.” Letting the love of Christ rule our homes is for our benefit. It is the glue that keeps our unions and families strong. A nicely decorated interior makes a house look beautiful, but the love of Christ is what makes a beautiful home.

Our home is the first place we should practice what we preach. It’s the place where the authority of Christ should reign supreme. God tells us in Ephesians 5:24-25(NLT), “24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” We’re groomed in today’s world not to be too chumming with the word ‘submit’. Society has placed a very negative connotation on it. We think it means that someone can rule over us, tell us what to do, and we have to do it even if we don’t like it. Love will always require submission, we learned this from the sacrifice of Christ. He said in John 10:18(NLT), “No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded.” Christ yielded himself to the point of voluntarily giving up his own life for our sake. He didn’t have to do it. He did it because it pleased the Father. He did it because he loves God and he loves us.

Jesus Christ submitted himself to the Father’s Will totally and completely. This is what God requires of us. Marriage teaches us this lesson so that we will have a greater understanding of what God requires. To submit is the greatest honor we can give a person. It conveys our humility. Husbands are not taking something from us as wives. We are willingly yielding and submitting, and we can do this under the authority of Christ because of what we’re getting in return. The husband is commanded to love the wife as Christ loves the church. This is the greatest love we could hope to receive.

When God’s Word is followed and obeyed, the outcome is always going to be a blessing. Rewards will chase us down when our commitment is to honor God preeminently. So, the question we need to focus our attention on is what are we doing now to create a home where the love of Christ abides? This tells the true story about our preparedness to maintain a loving and warm home once we’re married. We must take care that we’re established in the practice of building up and not tearing down. We may not be able to do what our mother’s have done, but God has given us our own brand of special, and He will reward us if we’re diligent to have a home where the love of Christ will abide.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Home Is Where Love Abides” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 12, 2021
Do I Stay or Do I Go?

Eloise was approaching a milestone birthday and was planning for it a month in advance. She was excited because this year, she had someone new in her life. Eloise had been single way longer than she wanted to be, and she had done what many singles do, and that’s put certain aspects of their lives on hold until marriage. She didn’t go to certain functions because she didn’t like not having someone by her side, and there were also vacation spots, like Hawaii, that she put on hold so she could share them with her future spouse. She even put off purchasing a home, because again, in her mind this is something you do with your husband. Wanting and waiting to share special memories with a spouse is beautiful, but living life to the fullest is something we should do whether we’re married or not.

As the days grew closer to her birthday, Eloise noticed that the man in her life hadn’t mentioned any plans. She hoped this was because he had been planning to surprise her. She looked for subtle hints in their conversations, but nothing surfaced, and she began to get nervous. Finally, a couple of days before her big day, he called during her lunch break at work. Before their conversation ended, she casually reminded him of her birthday and asked if they’d be doing anything together. In a very matter of fact manner, he replied, “It’s up to you. If you want to go out, we can.” Not quite the response she was looking for.

As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, the one aspect of our lives that you and I have to get right is the commitment and action of love. One day, an expert in Jewish law asked Jesus Christ which of the commandments is most important. In Mark 12:30-31(NLT), Jesus responded, “30 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Not only is it important that we love in the way that Christ has commanded, but it is important that we love ourselves this way as well. When we love ourselves, there are certain things we simply won’t accept. This increases our faith and causes the same quality self-love to boomerang back to us.

Romans 5:8(NLT) tells us, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” This verse tells us of God’s unconditional, unlimited love. When we become born-again, and receive the Spirit of Christ, we then have God’s love deposited within. The more we learn about Heavenly Father, the more we are able to love like Christ. This is God’s goal for each of us. He wants us to love Him, to love others, and to love ourselves through the love of Jesus Christ.

So, God doesn’t just tell us to love Him and others, through Jesus Christ, He actually showed us how to get this done. He sent His only begotten Son to earth to show us the way. As women who love God, many of us have taken this and ran with it. We are committed to continue learning to love like Christ. We practice this in our relationships, because we love like we want to be loved. We’re thoughtful and considerate, and we go out of our way to make sure the special person in our lives feels appreciated. If we’re not getting this back, that should be a wake-up call.

You see, Heavenly Father knows that when we are confident in our understanding of the love of Christ, we are then better able to set boundaries and wisely define our expectations. We understand our worth to God, and therefore, we won’t accept treatment that isn’t in alignment with God’s love for us. This isn’t about ego. When you are confident in your own ability to love like Christ, you can then recognize and look for the exit sign when someone isn’t loving you that way in return.

Eloise shared with her boyfriend from the very beginning that her desire was to be married. He didn’t run from it, but he hadn’t done anything to lead her to believe he wanted marriage as well. When her birthday finally arrived, her boyfriend took her out for a nice dinner. After dinning, she told him how much she enjoyed their evening. She also said she hoped it was the start of their future together. His response was, “I hear what you’re saying, but you don’t have to constantly remind me!”

She was crushed by his words. She hadn’t nagged him, but sometimes the tension of desperation doesn’t need to be spoken in order to be felt. It was clear that he wouldn’t be as thrilled to share those special moments with her as she had always dreamed. So, the question she found herself facing was should she stay in the relationship and continue to hope, or does she cut all ties and move on with her life, committed to live it to the fullest.

It takes some of us a while to learn that seeking and pursuing God’s Will first is the best way to love ourselves and to live a fulfilling life. A caring and supportive spouse is one of God’s sweet rewards, but just because a man is interested, it doesn’t mean he’s the reward. We must continue to have faith and trust in Heavenly Father that the right one will come. God knows what is best, and at the end of the day, we should only want what He wants for us. It will be a person who mirrors His love and adds to the fullness we already have in Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Do I Stay or Do I Go?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 4, 2021
God Sees the Best in You

When Lisa met her boyfriend Ryan, she was the heaviest she’d ever been. She was always a plus-size woman, but she thought that if she trimmed down, maybe Ryan would find her more attractive. Men are notoriously visual creatures, and some are attracted only by physical appearance, but not all men are this way. Ryan wasn’t focused on Lisa’s waistline, as a matter of fact, he thought she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever met. Lisa’s self-esteem was so affected by how she had been treated in other relationships, that she didn’t have confidence in herself or her relationship with Ryan. She thought if he knew about her battle with self-esteem and weight, he might find her less attractive. She was shocked when she learned the truth about how he really felt.

Our struggles with self-esteem cannot help but spill over into our relationships with the significant man in our lives. Insecurities can manifest in all sorts of ways in a relationship—ways that you and I can never predict. Insecurities can show up as jealousy, apathy, obsession, and distrust. Sometimes these things drive a wedge that ultimately result in the demise of the relationship. It’s a fear of not being good enough the way we are. All of us should do things to improve our health and well-being, but we should do it because we love and appreciate ourselves, not because we’re trying to please someone else.

If we pray and have faith, the Lord Jesus Christ will help us manage the journey to wholeness and feeling good about ourselves, but we should know that it is indeed a journey. For some, it takes longer than others to get to a place of self-acceptance; and as we travel to this place, we still have to keep growing spiritually and fulfilling our obligations to the faith. Dealing with insecurities, while also maintaining a relationship you hope will lead to marriage, takes an unwavering commitment to be guided by the Lord. He desires that you have someone in your life that is understanding and will support you through the process of learning to appreciate yourself.

Many of us pay a lot of attention to the way we look. We’ll go the extra mile to ensure we’re keeping up with the latest trends in fashion and beauty, because we want to look our best. I believe Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy looking and feeling as good as we can, however, like anything in life, some of us take it to the extreme. We either become too hard on ourselves about our appearance, or we obsess about looking perfect. The danger is that whenever anything consumes too much of our energy, it subtracts from the energy we should be expending on our spiritual growth and relationship with God.

In Hebrews 12:1(NLT), the Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Nothing comes before our destiny in Christ, and nothing should come before carrying forth the purpose for which we were born. Every believer has a race to run, and it is important to God that we be about the business of running it.

When God tells us to strip off the sin that weighs us down, insecurities and obsessions are very definitely included in the stuff we need to get rid of. God knows our past, present, and future; this is something that must always be in the forefront of our minds. When relationships fall apart, or when you meet someone you dig and he doesn’t dig you, if you remember that God’s objective is for you to fulfill your destiny, you won’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll be confident that things didn’t work out because this person isn’t meant to journey forward with you.

Genesis 1:27 tells us that God created human beings in His own image. If we look a little deeper, Psalm 8:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. 6 You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority—”This is how Heavenly Father sees us. When He looks upon our lives, He doesn’t see our flaws. He sees the Christ in us; therefore, He sees the best in us. He knows that you’re on the way to becoming who He’s destined you to be.

He presents us with a person that will help us—a person that will help to strengthen our strengths and diminish our weaknesses. This is who Ryan was to Lisa. God presented her with someone that wouldn’t run when he saw parts of her that she didn’t want anyone to see. About six months into their relationship, he said “I’ve noticed you’ve lost weight lately; is there a particular reason why? I’m only asking because I want you to know that I love you—I loved you before you lost the weight and I love you if you never lose a pound. You’re beautiful either way to me.”

The words that Ryan spoke were incredibly healing to her soul. This is what God means when He commands the man to love His wife as Jesus Christ loves the church. It’s an unconditional love that strengthens and helps us fulfill the Will of God for our lives. We should never doubt that when we’re patient and committed to pray and seek God’s Will, He’ll send a person across our paths that will mirror His love for us. It’s someone who helps us on our journey towards healing and wholeness. And it’s also someone who’s love will remind us continually that God wants the best for us, and He’s faithful to honor His promises.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“God Sees the Best in You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 26, 2021
The Tongue of the Wise

Hebrews 11:6 tells us that our Heavenly Father is a Rewarder to those that diligently seek Him. This should be important to us because all of us should want to please God, and all of us like rewards. They are the subject of many of our prayers. We desire and want blessings that will bring us fulfillment, and we also believe these blessings will help us express ourselves more fully. It’s one of the reasons we desire to partner with a compatible person. We should have confidence that God also desires this for us. He wants to bless us with a wonderful partner that we can share our lives with. Heavenly Father wants this person to be a blessing to us, and He also requires that we be a blessing to them as well. Again, this is His requirement; it’s not a suggestion. You and I can never underestimate the value God places on diligence and stewardship. Spiritual preparation is key to planning for a successful marriage, because God requires that we demonstrate discipline in the areas that keep a marriage strong. One of these areas concerns our mouths—what we say, how we say it, and when we say it.

“Hey, what’s up big guy.” This is what Vicki says to Jimmy whenever she sees him. She totally ignores the fact that he’s lost over 100lbs and has kept this weight off for the last three years. It doesn’t matter when or where she sees him, the first words out of her mouth is ‘big guy’, and he hates it! He’s never told her how much it irritates him to hear those words after the struggle he endured to lose all that weight. He said to me, “Vicki is just a co-worker and she’s not someone that I run into that much, but it just shows me that no matter how much you try to change your life, some people will still only see what they want to see.”

How many of us have done this? Proverbs 12:18(NLT) tells us, “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” As believers, most of us understand that we shouldn’t deliberately make cutting remarks that can potentially hurt someone’s feelings, but some of us tend to do this without realizing it. When Jimmy told me how he felt about Vicki’s comments, his words hurt my heart, and he’s right; people see what they want to see. Sometimes, they need something to wake them up and to stop them in their tracks, so they’ll look at their actions and change.

As someone’s future spouse, it is important to remember that everyone isn’t at the same level of spiritual maturity. By the same token, everyone isn’t at the same level of emotional maturity. We all have tender places in our hearts where wounds still exist. Hurtful words can cause a world of damage, and although we can apologize for them, we can never take those hurtful words back. Proverbs 18:21(KJV) tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” As believers, our responsibility to the faith is to speak life. In Ephesians 4:32, God tells us to be kind and tenderhearted to each other. We are to be models of Christ before our spouses, God requires it. If we have an attitude of carelessness as it relates to what comes out of our mouths, then we need to change this so we can be the spiritually mature spouses God desires us to be.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Tongue of the Wise”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 15, 2021
Our Unlimited Treasure

In his parable in Matthew 13:44(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field.” Can you imagine going out into a field and stumbling on a hidden treasure? If you’re a person of great wealth already, you might not be as thrilled to find this treasure as someone that is living paycheck to paycheck. But imagine that this treasure is more than monetary or financial blessings. It’s the treasure of your greatest heart’s desire. Perhaps it’s the spouse you’ve been waiting to meet, or the friends you’d like to have in your life. Maybe it’s good health or restoration of something precious that you’ve lost. Whatever the treasure is, it is beyond valuable to you, so much so that when you find it in a field, you’re beside yourself with joy. You can’t take this treasure with you because it’s too vast for your arms to carry, so you make sure it’s hidden away in the field, so that it’s well kept until you come back for it.

A parable is a simple story that is used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, and Jesus Christ often used them. They were easy to understand for those who were not quite able to grasp the deeper spiritual meaning. It was relatable and easy for people to envision someone being overjoyed about finding a treasure, because most of us would be ecstatic about this. But this parable requires us to go a little deeper than whats on the surface. In order to grasp what Jesus conveyed through first, the treasure; second, the fields; and third, what it took to secure them, we must seek to have a greater understanding, particularly for those who desire to know the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven.

In another verse, Matthew 6:21, Jesus Christ talked about treasure as well. He tells us that wherever our treasure is, our hearts will be there with it. This means that you and I go after what we treasure most. If we treasure material riches, we’ll pursue that. If we treasure relationships with others, we’ll pursue those. Jesus is pointing out to us that the Father sees us according to our hearts; this is what speaks the truth about who we are. In other words, God knows what we value most by what we treasure in our hearts.

In Matthew 13:44, Jesus very clearly tells us that the Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure. In truth, the Kingdom of Heaven is far greater than any treasure you and I can imagine, because the Kingdom of Heaven can’t be limited by our human understanding. However, so that we can comprehend on some level the enormous and unlimited value of the Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus tells us it is LIKE a treasure. It is a treasure that has no equal, so when a man finds it in the field, he has stumbled upon something for which his excitement is unbridled.

The question for us is whether we have this level of excitement for the things of the Kingdom, because God expects to see it. He tells us in 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT), “The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” The eyes of God continually and consistently probe the earth, looking to land on the person who has a heart that is loyal and committed to Him. When He finds a person with this kind of heart, His strength and power is unleashed on this person’s behalf.

So many of us are wondering why we’re not witnessing a mighty move of God in our circumstances, yet, we get up every morning with a pessimistic view of our lives and everything in it. We’re complaining about one thing or another, and excitement about being a part of the Kingdom of Heaven is the furthest thing from our minds. So, when His eyes land upon us, He doesn’t see unbridled gratitude and excitement about being His child. Instead, for many of us He sees our choice to let dissatisfaction, worry, resentment, phobias, fears, grief, loneliness, and doubt consume our souls.

1Corinthians 4:20(NLT) tells us, “For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.” Many of us don’t get excited because we lack faith that God has empowered us to live with His power. We have the wrong vision of ourselves; and therefore, since we have the wrong vision of ourselves, we have the wrong vision of God. We must understand the impact of our feelings and thoughts; we must comprehend the colors they paint on the portrait of our faith.

The Kingdom of Heaven is our unlimited treasure, and it is worth losing everything we own to obtain it. Understand that it isn’t enough to say that we think we know this; the evidence is at the very core of who we are. The way we truly feel about God’s Kingdom is evidenced in everything we do, think, feel, and say; there’s no faking this. So every day, you and I should make a commitment to ask the Lord Jesus Christ to help us in this area. We must grow in our understanding of the treasure we have within through our relationship with God through Christ. We must invite the Holy Spirit to do a work within, so we have a greater revelation of what God has given us, and a greater level of gratitude and excitement for being the recipients of His unlimited treasure.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Our Unlimited Treasure” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 22, 2021
Forgetting the Things of the Past

We should never judge a book by its cover. This is one of those golden rules, and it truly is one to live by. Judging something solely on the basis of what appears externally can be a costly mistake, and many single women can testify to this. A person can be pleasing to the eye, but what’s going on inside of them can tell a completely different story. When you’re dating someone like this, it can be the most disappointing thing. The person looked to have it all together, but after getting to know them a little better, something just isn’t quite right. Regardless of how a person looks, when there’s an incompatibility between souls, it leads to all kinds of complications. This is a lesson that should prompt us to look in the mirror, because many of us look the part of a woman that’s got it going on, but on the inside, we’re burdened and suffering. Many of us never stop to think that our refusal to let some things go may be blocking us from the blessings we are destined to receive.

We all know women who hide behind their pain. Marilyn is one of them. The odd thing is that she’s someone that no one would ever suspect is unhappy. She’s 39 years old and married with two children. She’s been a high school teacher for many years, and all her students love her. Her husband adores her as well, and she is a very loving mother, but Marilyn is also a very sad woman on the inside. Her bathroom shower is her place of solace, and there she cries her heart out just about every night. She is very tired of feeling sad but doesn’t trust that anything can make it better.

Thoughts of her past are tormenting. She copes with it during the day by keeping as busy as possible, but at night the memories come flooding back in. Something happened years ago that shook her to her core, and she refuses to allow anyone to see her pain, not even her husband of fourteen years.

It is shocking to think that a person can function with this much pain and do everything within their power to keep it from everyone else. The truth is that many of us do this because we’ve never learned how not to do it. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14(NLT), “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Whether we know it or not, God is giving us a strategy for handling a troubling past, and Paul proved that it works, because if anyone had a troubling past, it was him. Paul trusted Christ, and through God’s grace, he put his past behind him.

He tells us that we have to focus, and this focus comes in two steps: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Both of these work together, but sometimes we make a habit of looking back. The fear of looking forward has tripped many of us because we think we might be disappointed if we get our hopes up. It’s just like meeting a very attractive person and discovering they have a really yucky personality. It’s a let-down, but that doesn’t mean that every attractive person is this way. There are some people that are beautiful on the outside and inside. So, something horrible may have happened in the past, but we shouldn’t give the past so much power that it shapes and molds our futures.

In 1Corinthians 3:10, Paul said that God had given him the grace to be a wise master builder, and because of this empowerment, he had laid a foundation. This is what you and I must do as well. We must build on the foundation laid by Jesus Christ, and the way to do this is to have faith that he will bless us and keep us surrounded in his safety. In John 10:10, Jesus Christ said that he left the throne of God and came to earth to make a more than abundant life available to us. It is up to you and I to walk in faith and manifest this abundance. We can have fulfillment, liberty, and love in our lives through Christ, and we must be sold out on the truth of this. We can do it, because God said it can be done. We don’t have to get stuck in the past because we are afraid to be happy in the present, but this is what Marilyn did. She was afraid of so many things, and she worried all the time. Nothing made her happy, and she expected to always be disappointed, no matter the situation. She would not allow her heart to trust Jesus Christ.

Trusting Jesus Christ with our pain is the solution! We don’t have to walk around with a bad attitude and allow pain to paint our hearts with darkness and fear. We can choose to forget the past! Jesus Christ instructs us in Matthew 11:28-30(NIV), “28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” The rest that Jesus Christ gives us is spiritual. It’s supernatural, which means it bypasses our understanding. Our only responsibility is to simply surrender to his care.

Meeting the special person that God has ordained for our lives is truly a blessing. We want them to be compatible with us, but we should honor the reality that they will want the same thing. Meeting someone that is one thing on the outside but something completely different on the inside isn’t anyone’s ideal soulmate, so we should do everything in our power not to be someone like that. Wear the love of Jesus Christ by accepting it totally and letting it saturate your heart. Don’t cling to the past, cling to him, because you can’t do both. Release your burdens to him, and trust in the blessings that God has in store for your life. You can do it because Jesus Christ says you can. Focus on trusting him and you’ll be amazed at the difference it will make in your life.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Forgetting the Things of the Past” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 15, 2021
It’s Time to Get Off This Bumpy Ride

2Thessalonians 3:15(NLT) gives us a tremendous jewel of comfort. It says “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.” This verse is so comforting that we might forget to absorb the wisdom of it. Heavenly Father is a God of peace. He reiterates this for us in 1Corinthians 14:33, which again tells us that He’s not the author of confusion or disorder but of peace. This aspect of God’s nature is very important to us because we are blessed when we bring forth His peace into chaotic situations and conditions. But sometimes, even though we try to be peace makers, people will reject the peace of God. They don’t want any part of His peace, because it will mean they have to accept the responsibility that comes with it. This rejection can be particularly hurtful, and potentially harmful, when the person who rejects God’s peace is the most significant person in your life.

In the beginning of a relationship, both people are usually on their best behaviors. You are learning each other’s mannerisms and quirks and trying to build a friendship that deepens as time progresses. Sometimes women are less patient with this process than their male counterparts. This is especially true if she has been without a partner for a while. I remember hearing a dear sister say that she’s never been the kind of woman that turns the heads of most men. She’s always been the one that they see as just a friend. So, when she first met her current boyfriend and he took notice of her, she threw caution to the wind and leaped into the relationship full force.

The problem with this is that sometimes both people do not want the same things and haven’t come to a true understanding about this. As God’s daughters, naturally we want to be a blessing in our ministries as wives and mothers. And not only this, we want the promises of God to be manifested in our lives. He loves us, and we know that He desires our happiness more than we desire it for ourselves. We are dedicated to trusting that God will bless a marital union with someone that values us as a compatible, loyal, and committed life partner. This is our expectation, and it is a realistic one. However, it can potentially create disharmony in a relationship when the other person doesn’t want the same thing.

Have you ever been on a roller-coaster ride? This is essentially what a relationship of disharmony feels like. It’s the feeling of creeping up to the top of the ride, plunging down the other side, turning upside down, and then back up again. This is what it feels like to be in a relationship that has no direction or destination. You’re flip-flopping. At times things feel okay, but deep down you always know they’re not. Often the peace of God is missing in a relationship like this, for God tells us in Amos 3:3(KJV), “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Heavenly Father wants us to receive the blessing of a beautiful marriage, and sometimes the person we’re with just isn’t willing or can’t offer this to us.

Even though we don’t make it blatantly obvious, some of us carry resentment, and its because we won’t face reality. Just beneath the surface is anger because the person we love is refusing to cooperate with our agenda. It comes out in the relationship in many ways. You may continue to tell yourself that the relationship is worth hanging on to and that eventually he will want to get married, but Godly wisdom and perspective is necessary. We must be so careful that we have the courage to have a mind that desires God’s peace more than a piece of a relationship.

God’s peace conveys confidence that we’ll meet a man that equals our capacity to give and love. When we meet him, we’ll know it deep within, and more importantly, he’ll know it too. It is beneath the privilege of God’s daughters to have to try and convince a man we’re worthy of a marriage commitment. At some point we should desire to get off the bumpy, unsteady ride of a relationship that isn’t grounded in the peace of common goals, common love, and common commitment to God and to one another. Want what God has for you, and don’t be afraid to release something that isn’t from Him.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It’s Time to Get Off This Bumpy Ride” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 8, 2021
You Will Have It All Again!

There is little in life that is more emotionally painful than going through divorce. For many people, it’s a tremendous loss. God tells us a little bit about how He deals with our losses in the encouragement of Joel 2:25-26(NLT). In this passage He said, “25 I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. 26 Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the LORD your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will my people be disgraced.” The locusts in the verse are symbolic of the devil, for he is a thief who steals ruthlessly, taking all and leaving nothing behind. The latter part of verse 25, where God says that He sent the great destroying army, God is speaking from the perspective of His Permissive Will. We need to know what this means for us, so that new opportunities for love are greeted with a faith that isn’t held back by lingering remnants of fear.

The first five words of this passage are “I will give you back…” This suggests to us that indeed something can be taken away. Loss is a terrible feeling, but there are times in life where we will experience it, and sometimes we wonder why. Why does God allow so much to be taken from us—things that are very important to our sense of well-being? We can become very resentful about this because we’re so sad and hurt. The truth is that when a marriage results in divorce, there were challenges within the marriage that we were not spiritually mature enough to handle. God didn’t fail us. We simply lacked the spiritual strength and knowledge to face our fears and overcome them through faith.

God doesn’t want us to have a pity party and go into self-condemnation about what has transpired in our past. He wants to help us prepare for what is in our futures. The passage in 1Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT) tells us, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Fear will tell us that this is a standard we can’t meet, but the mind of Christ will press us to breach the walls of our comfort zones to love in greater ways. This is the lesson we should all learn from our previous relationships.

Divorce is often an indication of how much the devil was able to use fear as a weapon against us. Sometimes people will say things like, “My Ex was too selfish…” or “We just weren’t ready for that kind of commitment.” We will even blame the other person. Time passes, the pain of the breakup subsides, and we begin to pray for new love. This is wonderful, but if we didn’t examine ourselves in an effort to make sure what happened in the past doesn’t happen in the future, we may lack the humility and growth to enter marriage again.

2Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear; He’s given us a spirit of love, power, and sound mind. These are not just mere words; the spirit of love, power, and sound mind are eternal treasures on which the foundation of any relationship should be built. God has given us these spiritual goodies and we need to grow in them, because the devil will constantly test us to see if fear is present.

Fear belongs to the devil. If it is present in our hearts and we act upon it, it gives the enemy a way to invade our marriages legally. Heavenly Father’s Permissive Will allows these attacks because His provision through Jesus Christ has already given us the armor to stand strong no matter what we face. He commands us to put on ALL the spiritual armor He has provided and keep it on. We must have the courage to ask God if we are fortified in the places we weren’t before. If we aren’t, He will let us know, and He will help strengthen us so that everything we lost in divorce, we can have it all again. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“You Will Have It All Again” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

February 28, 2021
What Are You Waiting For?

The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 11:4-5(NLT) tells us, “Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. 5 Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.” I have always loved this passage because it can be easily and practically applied to daily living. The context of this passage pertains to those who sit back and wait for conditions to be perfect before they prepare their hearts and minds to take care of God’s business. We see this posture quite often in believers, and dare I be so bold as to say, we see it very prominently displayed in many single men. Some will say they must be more financially secure before they seek a wife, or they need to get all the ‘playerism’ out of their systems before they make that matrimonial move. It’s important for us to use the wisdom of God’s Word when this game is being played. Then we can put the ball in God’s court, so that we don’t end up on the sidelines when it comes to marriage and living the dream.

Heavenly Father uses the practicality of a farmer in His Word because every human that is living, or who has ever lived, is on this earth to sow. If we fail to understand or engage this element of our responsibility as God’s children, we miss the whole ball of wax. There’s so much labor involved in farming, and it ain’t easy. It’s sometimes arduous work. Now, a farmer that’s NOT on the grind and isn’t about business will use any excuse to prolong the wait. He or she will not even go out into the fields until they think conditions are prime for it. A diligent farmer will rise early and get to work no matter the conditions. She or he has learned to be productive, rain or shine. They can make do whether the harvest is plentiful or small.

The context of Ecclesiastes 11:4-5 also reveals something about our expectations. To sow is to invest. It is to plant something with the expectation that it will yield something greater. Sisters, this is a very important definition to consider. Sometimes, we give the best we have to offer to a man, including our bodies; and he’s not even the one. We make this overwhelming investment with no indication of yielding the return that such a hefty investment is due. We don’t get the courtship. We don’t get his time. We don’t get to know his loved ones. We don’t get sweet and sentimental gifts, and we don’t get a ring. We were farmers, but not on good ground.

Good ground is ground with a track record of producing beneficial crops. So, the logical thing to do for anyone seeking to be a spouse is to make sure they are good ground, that they have done what is required of them by the Lord Jesus Christ. They’ve committed themselves to good deeds, because we know from James 2:14 that if we say we have faith but haven’t done the good works to back it up, then our faith is dead. What good to a marriage is dead faith?

We are God’s children; this means that we already have all we need to be powerful and impactful human beings on this earth. We don’t have to wait on anything to get good deeds done – we just have to DO! Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we’re God’s workmanship, that He created us in Christ Jesus specifically to perform good works. So, we have to ask ourselves if we’re good ground according to God’s standard. If we are, then the right farmer will certainly recognize it.

What are you waiting for? You’re waiting on God to bring your harvest! But this means you had to have planted some good seeds of good works. Heavenly Father designed things in such a way that we are both farmers at times, and good ground at others. As believers that desire a good and lasting marriage, we ought to be sowing seeds that please God. We’re not doing it solely for the benefit of finding a spouse. We should be doing it because that’s what Heavenly Father has asked us to do. The investments we make to share, give, and love others according to the example of Christ will set us up for future blessings.

Do yourself a great favor and continue to prepare for your harvest. Recognize that the good deeds you do for the Lord are adding up. As a farmer, you can’t expect that every seed will sprout at God’s appointed time. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 9:38 that God is in charge of the harvest. He will reward you with a spouse that is worthy of your investment. Until then, keep planting good deeds, and don’t let any lazy farmers play around with your good ground. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“What Are You Waiting For?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

February 21, 2021