Find A Christian Man

Tag: Relationships

  • He’s Mine Forever

    He’s Mine Forever

    Psalm 73:25-26 (NLT)
    “25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.”

    If you’ve been in a significant relationship for a few years, and then things fall apart, the absence of having this person in your life can be deafening. When we’re in a relationship, we rarely consider the pain, anxiety, and lasting consequences that follow a breakup. These are not welcomed visitors, but they can come without invitation. We got too comfortable and for some of us, this was a trap. Without being conscious of it, “He’s mine forever” began to play in the background of our minds, and we bought into this even though the man never promised it, and his actions never conveyed it.

    Discernment
    The harsh reality is that pain is often our greatest teacher. It should teach us to guard our hearts, to be careful about who we let into our lives, and to be as patient with God as possible, especially when we’re figuring out exactly what we’re working with in the discernment phase of the relationship. It should also teach us that we desperately need God’s help with the rugged terrain of relationships. It’s arguably the area that we need spiritual discernment most. We need this sharpened spiritual tool to steer clear of men that will ultimately be harmful to our walk with the Father through Jesus Christ. They can cause us to go backward instead of forward, and when we get caught up in this, we can potentially miss the one God has sent.

    We need to know that it’s possible to miss a blessing. People do it all the time. Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” The wrong path will set us up for failure, but in every case, the right path will lead us to God’s blessings. He’s the One who shows us which path to take. If we lean on Him, we’ll have the discernment to know what is for us and what isn’t.

    Learn to love appropriately

    The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:9-11(The Message) says, “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Romantic love isn’t primary. Loving a man through the love of Jesus Christ is most important to our Heavenly Father, and this is the kind of love that overcomes all obstacles.

    God’s wisdom teaches us that “He’s mine forever” is not the right attitude when there’s no ring on our fingers. We know from experience that sometimes relationships do not stand the test of time; only our relationship with God through Jesus Christ will last forever. So, we must be so careful not to place all our eggs in another individual’s basket. We need to be anchored in God. Only He is worthy of all our trust. The psalmist said in Psalm 73:25 that he desired God more than anything else. This should be the passion of our hearts as well. When it is, we will walk with the Lord, and be guided by Him. Then we can trust what He has for us with all our hearts. ■

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “He’s Mine Forever”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…

    I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…

    Pink floral background with a beautiful woman praying and the words of 2 Timothy 3:16 written below

    1 John 3:16-18 (NLT)
     “16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion–how can God’s love be in that person? 18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”

    Recently I noticed something a bit different about a co-worker and good friend. He’s usually in a great mood and always anxious for the end of the day on Fridays so his weekend can begin. He’s been dating someone for over a year, and they’ve been spending a lot of time together on the weekends, but something has changed. After almost a week of being unusually quiet, I asked him if he was alright. He said to me, “I had been seriously contemplating giving my lady an engagement ring, but there’s some things about her that I’ve noticed lately. They are too concerning for me to overlook. I love her, but I don’t think I can make this move yet. I need to see a change.”

    His honesty with himself about what he was seeing from this woman is impressive. He wasn’t in denial about what could potentially be real problems in a marriage down the road, and that’s a really good thing. As women, sometimes we don’t give ourselves this gift. Even when there are flashing lights and warning signs all over the place, if we think a ring is even a remote possibility, some of us will ignore it when the man has issues that are very problematic. Our aim shouldn’t be to ignore these things, but to deal with them in a way that leaves us and the other person in a higher spiritual place.

    In the beginning of relationships, people present themselves in a certain way because they are purposefully trying to put themselves in the best possible light. This kind of surface-dwelling can last up to a year, and even longer. It’s inevitable, though, that this will eventually wear thin and two people will begin to see what is underneath the surface about each other. It can be a very challenging time in the relationship, and most of them go through this stage. There’s going to be a point where two people see each other’s dirt, and sometimes it can be so hurtful that many couples do not recover.

    Both people think that they are right and the other is wrong. A woman might say, “I’m ready but he has this issue that keeps popping up.” If abuse is the issue, that should never be tolerated, but when it isn’t a factor and both individuals are committed to Christ, our Lord and Master should have the final say. He gives us the truth, and it breaks through all the layers and it should cause us yield to God’s Will, purpose, and plan.

    In Matthew 7:3-5(NLT), Jesus said, “3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” When things go south, tit-for-tat is often the game played. We think that if the other person would just change something about themselves, things would be better. But the reality is that no one wins in the blame game. Both individuals need to take a good long look in the mirror. In significant relationships, we all come to the table broken in some way. And when it comes to taking that relationship to the next level, we all think we’re ready, but the truth is simply that sometimes we’re not.

    There’s a place of pain within all of us, and when something is done to take us to that place, our first inclination is to shut down and become non-communicative. Jesus Christ offers another solution. We need to get rid of the speck in our own eye, and that is a very challenging thing to do, but we can do it if we humble ourselves under the leadership and direction of the Holy Spirit. Many of us have a need to be right, and when things get raw, we can easily turn to bitterness and blame. We can be like, “That’s a wrap for me!” but we have to be careful, because this would never be the response of Jesus Christ. Whether the relationship is salvageable or not, we have to take a step back and be obedient to the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23(NLT) tells us, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” These are the fruit the Spirit produces, and he produces them through us. We must submit to this.

    God’s Word tells us that when we grow up and mature spiritually and physically, we must let go of childish things. We must come to a place in our faith where we recognize and trust that the power of God’s love can transform anything. It can transform us, and it can transform the one that has hurt us. We are His children, and if we allow His love to reign in our attitude and behavior, we will demonstrate that we are true disciples of Christ. We will witness that God’s love is the ultimate problem solver. It will cause us to be who He wants us to be, and it is the solid foundation on which any lasting and beautiful relationship must rest.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Man Is Gone, What Now?

    The Man Is Gone, What Now?

    1 Peter 5:6 (NLT)
    “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.”

    Kevin is everything that Desi wanted in a man. Like so many of us, she prayed a long while to meet someone special. When Kevin came into her life, oddly enough, marriage was the last thing on her mind. She’d been supporting her best friend, Lydia, who was midway through chemo, and she was also taking care of Lydia’s 11-year-old daughter, Kristi. Desi had been running so hard the last two months that she barely had time to even wash her hair. She was very happy to be there for them, but the realization that Lydia had no one else to call on during one of the toughest challenges of her life left Desi both sad and afraid. She loved her friend dearly, but she didn’t ever want to be in her shoes. On the rainy Saturday afternoon when she met Kevin, she was so preoccupied with those thoughts that she had almost dismissed him.

    Standing in the living room of Lydia’s tiny apartment one day, noticing how sparse it was and thinking about how long her friend had been sick and struggling, tears began to stream down Desi’s face. She remembered five years ago, when Lydia’s husband left without so much as a word, and never returned. The nice house, the car, the bank accounts, all of it slowly slipped away. As for her neighbors and so-called friends, Lydia felt like all of them except Desi were waiting for her to crumble, thinking to themselves, “the man is gone, what now?” But for Lydia, there were no tears, no pity parties, or mudslinging that anyone could see. It’s as if she said to herself, “I can’t stop. I gotta keep going.” And that’s exactly what she did.

    Desi was determined to do whatever it took to see that Lydia and Kristi would be okay. She was consumed with their care. During those months, she had so little time that she was sure Kevin would become disinterested, but he didn’t. He kept calling and kept pursing, and she was so thankful he did.

    Hebrews 4:16(ESV) tells us, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Many single women haven’t taken the time to express a deep gratitude to God for His amazing grace. They haven’t fully appreciated that we have the honor and privilege to go before His throne of grace in our time of need, and He will see us through. Lydia’s circumstances sheds light on the fact that many of us haven’t realized, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” The story for any of us could be much like her story, but because of God’s grace, we are blessed to have health, a sound mind, and the activity of our limbs.

    God tells us in Romans 12:2(NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Many of us single women need to renew our minds and change the way we think. Instead of being impatient and full of doubt, we need to proclaim the goodness of God and thank Him for all that He’s done for us. 2Timothy 2:13(ESV) reminds us that “If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.” This truth must be anchored in our hearts and minds continually. Our God is faithful, and He will never leave or forsake us.

    The abandonment of a husband, loneliness, and health challenges, these are difficult situations, but we don’t face these heavies alone. God is helping us every step of the way. He made sure that Lydia was supported by a loving and caring friend, and He made sure that Desi was sweetly rewarded for her selfless and giving heart. It is imperative that as single people our hearts are found faithful and deeply thankful to God for all He’s has done. Know that through every circumstance in your life, God’s love for you never falters. He doesn’t cause our tribulation, but He makes us stronger through it, and if we remain steadfast in our faith in Him, He will deliver, restore, and bless us beyond our greatest imaginations.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Man Is Gone, What Now?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Don’t Let Anger Control You

    Don’t Let Anger Control You

    Unresolved Anger Can Do More Damage Than We Realize

    Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)
    “And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

    Grace and her sister have had a contentious relationship since they were young. Fighting weekly was the norm for them. Their parents saw it as sibling rivalry and did nothing to help them learn how to get along. Now that they’re adults, nothing has changed. Holidays, birthday celebrations, weddings, dinners with their parents—no matter the occasion, because of their deep-seated anger, these two sisters ignore each other and hardly ever speak.

    Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, disapproval, or hostility, and it is a mistake to think that once the situation that caused us to become angry is over, the anger will automatically go away. Sometimes it doesn’t. Instead, it remains in our souls and increases its grip on us in the background. For many of us, anger becomes the go-to emotion we use to cover pain, disappointment, rejection, or hurt. We convince ourselves that holding on to resentment or a grudge is easier than forgiving, but it never is. Grace and her sister took that approach. They never learned to address their anger through the love of Jesus Christ, and because they didn’t, unresolved anger was allowed to rob them of years of relationship.

    We Can Learn Anger Without Realizing It

    As we look back over our childhoods, some of us might remember that there were angry people within our everyday environment. Maybe they used profanity, yelled when they were upset, gave people the silent treatment, or didn’t have a whole lot of compassion for the feelings and well-being of others. When we grow up around these kinds of behaviors, we can pick them up without giving it much thought. Before we know it, we are carrying those same patterns into our words, attitudes, and manner of dealing with the relationships that are dearest to us.

    My nephew told me about a Christian woman who is a notoriously good baker. One Saturday, he went to a bake sale where she was selling her homemade cookies. The place was packed. People were getting antsy, and the baker was feeling pressured. They had been waiting in line for her cookies, and when it looked as though they would soon be sold out, things got a little disorderly. People began yelling out their orders rather than waiting their turn. My nephew noticed that the baker’s son had become agitated by everything, and when he yanked on her apron to get her attention, she spoke to him in a manner that was harsh, angry, and profane.

    Many of us have seen mothers do this in public and not thought much about it, but we should think about what it does to a child’s heart. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) tells us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” The habit patterns of anger can be very easily passed on to us, but once we recognize them, we have a responsibility before God to deal with them. We cannot continue hurting people and excuse it by saying, “That’s just the way I am,” or “That’s how people in my family communicate.” Jesus Christ has given us a new way to live. Through Him, we can learn to respond differently, even if anger and harsh words were all we saw growing up.

    Anger Cannot Be Allowed to Lead Us

    Proverbs 14:12 (NLT) says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” We can convince ourselves that our anger is justified and that holding on to it protects us from being hurt again. We may even believe that because someone treated us badly, we have a right to remain angry with them. God sees what we cannot see. He knows what anger is doing inside our hearts, and He knows where it will eventually lead if we continue to feed it. This is why we must trust His leadership and guidance. There will always be situations and people that test us, but allowing anger to control our response will only make matters worse.

    Proverbs 14:17 (NLT) tells us, “Short-tempered people do foolish things.” Many of us have witnessed this firsthand, and if we’re truthful, some of us have experienced it ourselves. We can say things in anger that we would never say with a clear mind. We can make decisions that damage relationships, and after the anger has passed, we are left trying to repair what happened while it was in control. Other people may appear very calm and non-reactionary, but underneath that exterior is anger that seeps out at the most unexpected times. They are angry but have learned how to cover it with a smile. This isn’t what God wants for us either. He doesn’t want us pretending the anger isn’t there. He wants us to deal with it through His Word, His love, and the self-control He has given us through the Holy Spirit.

    Don’t Let Anger Become Dominant or Dormant

    Anger should be neither dominant nor dormant in the heart of a believer. We shouldn’t allow it to control us, but we shouldn’t bury it and pretend it doesn’t exist either. Anger will eventually find a way to show itself. This is one of the reasons Ephesians 4:26-27 warns us not to allow anger to linger. When we continually rehearse what someone did, keep reopening the offense in our minds, and refuse to release it to God, we give anger room to settle into our hearts.

    This doesn’t mean that feeling angry is always sinful. Sometimes we are angry because something genuinely hurt us. Someone may have mistreated us, betrayed our trust, crossed a boundary, or behaved in a way that was wrong. God is not asking us to pretend those things didn’t happen. He is telling us not to let anger take control of what happens next. We can address what happened, establish boundaries when they are necessary, and make wise decisions about a relationship without allowing bitterness and rage to rule our hearts.

    Psalm 4:4 (NLT) commands, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” Sometimes one of the wisest things we can do when we are angry is give ourselves enough time to become quiet before God. Everything does not require an immediate response. We don’t have to send the text, make the phone call, confront the person, or say the first thing that comes to our minds. We can pray. We can ask God to help us see the situation clearly and show us how to respond in a way that honors Him.

    We Don’t Have to Give Anger Another Year

    Think again about Grace and her sister. Years have passed, and the anger that began when they were young has followed them into adulthood. Think about everything that has happened during those years—the birthdays, holidays, family dinners, ordinary conversations, laughter, support, and opportunities to simply enjoy being sisters. Unresolved anger has taken up space that love could have occupied.

    We don’t know how much time we have with the people God has placed in our lives, and we cannot afford to give anger years that God never intended it to have. This does not mean every relationship can or should return to what it once was. Some relationships require boundaries, trust may need to be rebuilt, and there are situations where wisdom requires distance. But we do not have to remain angry in order to protect ourselves or exercise wisdom.

    Proverbs 14:22 (NLT) says, “If you plan to do good, you will receive unfailing love and faithfulness.” We can make up our minds that anger will not be the thing that controls how we love, speak, forgive, or respond to people. Jesus Christ has given us something greater to put in its place. As we surrender our anger to Him and allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts, we can grow in patience, self-control, forgiveness, and wisdom. We can deal with what hurt us without becoming consumed by it, and we can refuse to allow yesterday’s anger to determine how we love people today. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Don’t Let Anger Control You”, written by Alex for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Loving Wisely

    Loving Wisely

    John 15:9(NLT)
    “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.”

    In Colossians 3:14(ESV), our Heavenly Father tells us, “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”  This is an amazingly important verse, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Through the Apostle Paul, God informs us that His love is the glue that binds everything, including our relationships, together. Only His love can do that. God also tells us in Colossians 3:12-13 to put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, and to forgive each other as He has forgiven us. These are all important, but He tells us that what is most important is that we put His love in our hearts. God’s love is forgiving, kind, patient, righteous, and enduring. He means for us to put that kind of love in our hearts because that’s His kind of love, and it’s a powerful force of victory for all who put Him first and follow the example of Christ.

    As women who walk in God’s wisdom, we must know that feelings of love can be quite different from the actions of God’s love. Not making this distinction can be extremely costly. God’s love is real and true. It’s unconditional and limitless, and He demonstrates through His actions and Word that real and true love is a commitment. It isn’t based on feelings, because feelings come and go. We fall out of love as easily and quickly as we fall in love. Sadly, many romantic significant relationships begin without considering this. We go into them using feelings of attraction and affection as the springboard. Without hearing from God at all, many of us proceed to treat these relationships like marriages.

    Feelings of love are wonderful, and God created us with the capacity to express them, but He never intended feelings of love to cause us to sin or place our commitment to another human being above our commitment to Him. 1John 4:16(ESV) tells us, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” The love that is written about in this verse isn’t referring to romantic love. It’s pointing to God’s love, which is the kind of love that lasts.

    When we accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, we transferred lordship from ourselves over to him. Before we did that and accepted the salvation that he offers, many of us had heartbreak and pain in our lives. Our marriages and significant relationships fell apart, and some of us were left abandoned and emotionally exhausted. We were left with pain and heartbreak because either we, the man we loved, or the both of us, had not learned to love through Jesus Christ. The love of Christ never fails, but the love of a person who doesn’t love Christ will fail us repeatedly.

    God calls on us to abide in Him, and whoever abides in real and true love abides in God. His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, is in us, and our bodies are the Spirit’s temple. Heavenly Father commands us to let our lives be governed by His Spirit so that we walk in His love continually. Jesus Christ said in John 16:13(NLT), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” The Holy Spirit that dwells within us guides us into God’s truth. The Spirit would never guide us into situations that cause us pain or cause us to sin. Pain and sin are not the truth, they are lies and tricks of the devil.

    We have allowed society to convince us that in order to keep a man, we must let him enjoy all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. This will always lead to disappointment. Boyfriends are not husbands, and we can be with them a long time before this realization hits home. It isn’t love when we loan our bodies and hearts out to men that have no intention of committing to us in marriage. We allow them way too many privileges. They make themselves at home in our lives, but they don’t make us at home in theirs.

    The Holy Spirit will guide us into the truth, including the truth of God’s provision. If we’re not patiently enduring and trusting God to reveal the right man to us, but instead we’re jumping all in without His greenlight, we’re setting ourselves up for problems. We need to pause and examine our actions and attitudes about God’s holiness and about how we’re viewing the purpose of significant relationships. Many of us are praying to God to send us the right man, but we are still very willing to treat the next man with the same open-door policy we’ve had with men in our past.

    God wants to see us blessed, that’s why He sent His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to sacrifice his life for our sins. Through Christ, God has given us a new nature, so we can’t expect Him to overlook it when we choose to hold on to a consciousness of sin. Our Heavenly Father is not punishing us. It’s the mindset of accommodating sin that continues to block our blessing. We must open our eyes and walk in God’s wisdom, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Jesus Christ said in John 14:15(NLT), “If you love me, obey my commandments.” Understand that your commitment to love wisely is a commitment to love like Christ. To love like Christ is to be obedient to God’s Word. This is what leads us to marriage. If you doubt it, simply ask the Lord to guide you to the truth, and then be willing to accept and follow it.■

    English Standard Version (ESV)
    The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Love Wisely”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’

    The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’

    Matthew 17:20(NLT)
    “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

    In front of her friends, Ruby puts on a very confident face, insisting that her faith is fully persuaded when it comes to marriage. She’s forever claiming and confessing it whenever the subject comes up, but the reality is that she hides her frustration and sadness about the wait from others. She wants her friends to think she has the faith to move that mountain called ‘being single’, but her circumstances paint a different outcome, and she feels hopeless. Ruby really doesn’t believe the words and confessions she’s speaking. For the last seven years she’s been talking about her wedding plans, but the truth is that her hopes are slowly slipping away. God doesn’t want this to happen for her, and He doesn’t want it to happen to any of us either.

    Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. It is a totally persuaded and sold-out trust in God. One of the mistakes that we often make is to have more faith in the desire and reality of marriage than we do in the Giver of all good and perfect gifts. This was Ruby’s mindset. The possibility of marriage excites us all to no end, but we are nowhere near as excited about our Heavenly Father and all that He is.

    God is in control. That is a truth that none of us can fail to understand. Whether we’re married, dating, or single, faith is the confidence in knowing that God is in control. You are not in the driver’s seat of things, God is. Life will continually teach us this lesson. God requires us to rest in Him completely, without worry, fear, or anxiety. The level of faith to simply trust God for our lives translates to intimacy in our relationship with Him. Growing in Christ and knowing God through His Word is way beyond enough to keep us enthusiastic about our all-powerful, all-knowing Creator. Again, this enthusiasm should not be based on what we’re expecting to receive from Him, it should be anchored in the reality of who God is.

    Jesus Christ declared in Matthew 17:20 that we only need faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. By this, he is giving us an indication of how powerful faith is. A little bit of it will yield seismic results. So, when we digest this truth, we can’t help but question the strength of our own faith. For many of us, our believing and faith has not yet produced the results we seek. So, we come away feeling disappointed and insecure that the faith we’ve held has not yet been enough to move the mountain we call ‘single’. We wonder if it will ever be, and we become so dissatisfied that we don’t want to try anymore. We shouldn’t focus on that but focus on God.

    In the Old Testament, the man, Job, had endured tremendous tribulation, and he wanted to have a conversation with God about a few things. In Job 42:2(NLT), he said to God, “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” This is another piece of knowledge about our Heavenly Father that ought to be deeply imbedded in our minds and hearts. Whether it is marriage or any other thing we desire in life, God’s purpose will never be prevented. Our temper tantrums, dissatisfaction, and upsets about the wait isn’t going to do us any good. God is the One with the plan for our lives, and rather than getting depressed about the mountain not budging, we need to be about building our faith in the omnipotence, love, and goodness of our God.

    Hebrews 11:6(NIV) says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” This verse is not referring to faith in the blessings we desire. It’s talking about the kind of faith in God that increases the intimacy in our relationship with Him. Our relationship with God is built on trusting Him, regardless of our conditions and circumstances. It’s not about us getting what we want, it’s about giving God all that we are.

    It’s impossible to please our Heavenly Father without the level of faith in Him that builds intimacy. Because we haven’t exhibited it in the past, but instead have been solely focused on marriage, we haven’t pleased God to the extent that He deserves. Every believer must make a shift in their minds and hearts, so that life becomes solely about God and our relationship with Him. The closeness we share with our Creator is what pleases Him, and when this is our great desire, the increase of faith becomes a very natural occurrence, and so does God’s rewards.

    So many of us want to get married because we can’t wait to give our hearts to the man. When we meet him, guaranteed, we’re going to place our confidence in him without much effort at all. We want this so much because we desire deep connection and intimacy in the relationship with our future spouse. However, many of us haven’t surrendered ourselves to God to a level that exceeds what we’re so willing to surrender to someone else. We haven’t engaged the intimacy that God requires, but we are very willing to give it to a mere mortal.

    In all those seven years, Ruby didn’t realize that God was calling her to get closer to Him, to stay in His face by staying in His Word. She overlooked James 2:17-18(NLT), when he said, “17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.” We don’t have to tell God how to bless us. It’s always a matter of backing our faith by demonstrating the deeds and actions that honor Him. God’s plan for your life was finished before He laid the foundations of the world. You already have the mustard seed of faith. Let your deeds and commitment to God match it, and watch the mountain move out of your way. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by Permission of Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide.

    “The Mountain Called ‘Being Single’”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • A Great Relationship Done God’s Way

    A Great Relationship Done God’s Way

    2Corinthians 6:14(ESV)
    “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

    God tells us not to bond ourselves together with those that do not believe in Him through the Lord Jesus Christ. This means we shouldn’t emotionally invest in an individual that doesn’t want to be saved by the blood of the Lamb. After being around a person a short while, we have a pretty good idea about whether they love Jesus. When it comes to significant relationships with men, we can tell if the man has the compassion and love of Christ. In our modern times, living by 2Corinthians 6:14 has been a very challenging practice for single believers. The problem is that even when we know the man isn’t interested in loving God through the Lord Jesus Christ, many of us still allow him into our hearts.

    The term, “unequally yoked”, that is used in 2Corinthians 6:14 was very easily understood in biblical days. Many terms like this were used to teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ for that very reason. Like some of the other phases in the Bible, “unequally yoked” is one that farmers used. It describes the ineffective practice of yoking a strong oxen or farm animal with a weaker one. A yoke was a frame usually placed around the heads or necks of two animals to join them together for farm work. If they were not equal in strength, the weaker one would usually prevent the completion of the task.

    People living during the periods written about in the Bible didn’t have the luxury of grocery stores and markets. Farming was not only a way of life, but it was survival for them. Unequally yoked meant delays they couldn’t afford. So, when 2Corinthians 6:14 was taught to them centuries ago, they understood the risk of being unequally yoked, and knew it was something to avoid. As it relates to people and relationships, those of us living today are not grasping just how detrimental an unequal yoke is.

    You may ask yourself, “Is being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love the Lord such a bad thing?” God says it is. He emphasizes the point that light cannot have a partnership with darkness, and righteousness cannot fellowship with unrighteousness. Some of us have learned the hard way that attempting to partner with darkness is extremely damaging to our lives.

    When Jesus Christ was in the wilderness being tested by satan, he responded to one of the temptations in Matthew 4:7(NKJV). He said, “It is written again, ‘You shall not tempt the LORD your God.’”  Yet, many born-again believers will fall for an unequally yoked temptation and try to test God by engaging in it. We know what He says in His Word, yet we place our spiritual lives in jeopardy because our desire to partner is greater than our desire to follow God’s Word.

    In an unequally yoked significant relationship, the one that lacks the love of God in their heart will pull the other one down. This compromise that we make with our faith is never worth it. We have to ask ourselves what’s at the bottom of our decision to take this risk. Is it that we’re tired of waiting and don’t think another man will approach us? Could it be that we haven’t surrendered this aspect of our lives to the wisdom and guidance of God, or is it that we really don’t believe that God will bless us with the one that He will send? Whatever the case may be, there are far too many of God’s children suffering from the consequence of this bad decision. We can avoid it, and we should.

    Regarding the inheritance and authority of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, God tells us in Ephesians 1:22(ESV) that He has “put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church.” This means that our entire lives are under the feet of Jesus Christ. The person we will date and marry is under his feet as well, and God expects us to live as though we know this. Jesus Christ is Lord! He’s Lord in every way. It’s his authority and power that should govern us and the choices we make. We can’t separate dating from Godliness. Our Heavenly Father means for us to do relationships His way, because this is the way to unity, peace, longevity, and real love. Don’t think that you can overstep God’s Word and have good results. Yield to Him, so that you’ll have a great relationship that is done His way.■

    English Standard Version (ESV)
    The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “A Great Relationship Done God’s Way”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There

    Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There

    Jesus Christ has shown us that love requires sacrifice. He left his Father’s throne of immeasurable glory and splendor to come to earth. He came on a mission from God to save humankind. Our King was born in a manger, and this demonstrates his incredible humility. At any moment during his time on earth, he could have summoned a legion of angels at his side. He said in Matthew 26:53(NIV), “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” 12 legions is 72,000 angels. They would have been by his side in less time than a blink of an eye, but he didn’t summon them. He knew that sacrificing his life was his mission and endured the cross because of his overwhelming love for every person. Jesus Christ revealed the perfect and pure love of God, who sacrificed His one and only begotten Son for us all.

    Jesus Christ has shown us the way to live through God’s love. His example is the one we must follow because he’s given us the standard of love that pleases God. It’s God’s standard of love, and it causes us to live according to God’s purpose. As women of faith, sometimes we underestimate God’s allegiance to His standards, and we have a mindset of accepting less than what God wants to give us. This is especially true in our desire for a real and lasting significant relationship.

    God commands in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is God’s standard for the way a man should love his wife. This level of devotion sets the kind of loyalty and respect that all men should have for all women. It also sets the bar for the expectation of any woman praying to be a wife. As a woman, you can’t build this kind of capacity in a man. He should have it when you meet him.

    I have a friend that was very sick with the flu. She sounded as bad as she was feeling. It was apparent she was having a rough time with it, and I was surprised to hear that she was handling things on her own. She rekindled a relationship with a male friend that she dated a while ago. Things were going well for the last few months, but her bout with the flu brought out something that was apparent to everyone but her. When I asked, she told me that her boyfriend knew how ill she was, but he didn’t come by, not even once. She said to me, “He did offer to bring me some soup, but I didn’t want to be a burden, so I told him not to bother.”

    There’s a fundamental truth that every woman must know; if you accept it, that is all you will get. Some of us expect that our love will make a man gain a greater capacity to love overnight. It simply isn’t true. Only the love of God can transform a person, and to love God is to do what He says. 1John 2:5(NLT) tells us, “But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him.” As women of faith, this must be the foundation of all that we do.

    God expects us to expand in Christ with each passing day. This means that we are loving others greater through him. In other words, our capacity to love and walk with power increases as we grow in Christ. This is God’s standard, and it is one in which we will never have to make excuses for a man that isn’t loving us the way he should. If we make a place in our hearts for a man that isn’t giving us the love we deserve—the love we are capable and willing to give him, then we’re throwing out the welcome mat for heartache and pain. When it comes to real love, don’t accept a little dab here and a little dab there.  Christ made a way for us to live through his love, and this is the way we should choose.

    Fully knowing and appreciating the sacrifice of Christ gives us the lens by which we can love and be loved. Loving and living through Jesus Christ will give us the wisdom to know that a man may not have a fancy job title or big bank account; what matters is that he has a big heart and sees loving you as one of the greatest blessings of his life. God says you deserve this. You should believe it, and never accept less. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Our Need for Companionship

    Our Need for Companionship

    One of my co-workers is a born-again believer, and he’s 37, single, attractive, and financially secure. I was being a bit brazen one day and asked him if he ever wanted to get married. He answered, “Yes, when I find the right one.” I thought to myself, “Isn’t that what most single men say?” I have no doubt that he was being sincere, but I must admit that this response and attitude of many single men still baffles me. What’s the criteria they’re holding for “the right one”?  Is it based on the standards that God has set in His Word, or is it based on a physical attraction that immediately sparks a response of his flesh? Is he looking for both those things or is he blinded by a refusal to be humble and allow God to direct this area of his life?

    He may not have given much thought to how he defines “the right one”, but as a woman wanting to partner, you must be keenly interested in why he thinks he hasn’t met her. We shouldn’t be under any delusions about their pickiness here. Men need companionship as much as women. They are innately aware that they need the nurturing of women to live the more than abundantly life that Jesus Christ made available. If it were available for them to have this level of living without women, Adam would never have needed Eve, but the reality is that Adam did need Eve. And men do need women. This is the Will of God.

    Genesis 2:20(NLT) tells us, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God’s brilliance and the perfection of provision dictated that Adam needed a helper, and part of Adam’s responsibility would be to care for her as well. Nothing about the way God set this up has changed. In Genesis 2:24(NLT), God said “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Whether we accept it or not, this is the Will of God concerning the marriage of a man and woman, and His blessing hinges on the condition that His Word is honored and respected.

    Of course, every man and woman have the free-will choice to decide the person that they will marry, but if we ask God, He will send the person that HE has ordained to be just right for us. However, the reality is that most of us don’t ask Him, and we don’t extend an invitation for Him to be Lord over this aspect of our lives. God will not interfere with our relationship decisions without an invitation from us. He will never overstep our free-will choice. We get to decide if we want and will follow His guidance. History has proven how devastating the results can be in marriage when a couple doesn’t invite God into their unions. They fail to submit to His leadership through the Lord Jesus Christ, and the results of this is catastrophic.

    An excuse to be selfish
    The issue is not about a man finding the right one. The issue is whether he will recognize the woman God sends. For him to recognize her, his eyes must be open. For his eyes to be open, he should be seeking the Lord about it. Jesus Christ said in Luke 11:9-10(NLT), “9 And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Our Heavenly Father gives good and perfect gifts, and He knows exactly how to provide for us. It is necessary that we humble ourselves in honor of His perfection, brilliance, and power, and seek Him for ALL things.

    Many physically mature men have never been married. They are financially stable, intelligent, affable, and have great relationships. They are perfectly able to share their lives, generosity, loyalty, and love with a woman in the Spirit of Christ, but they refuse to do this. An expanding bank balance, a satisfactory level of success, a comfortable lifestyle, and a fear that someone might jeopardize these things makes many men lock- on to selfishness with a death grip.

    God blesses us so that we can be a blessing to His Will and to the lives of others. Sadly, many men do not view this as their responsibility to Christ. Instead of being committed to obedience and faith in God, they choose selfishness as a device to appease their insecurities about money and preserve their way of life. They use their singleness to shield themselves from the commitment of truly sharing their lives with a woman, and they often see their single status as a license to try on several women like new pairs of shoes.

    This is a form of exploitation, and it is in no way Godly. As women of faith, we need to see it coming a mile away. We should not yield to it, neither should we attempt to do it ourselves. There’s a right way to find the right fit, and it is to seek God and make sure our actions are guided by Him.

    An excuse to play around
    1Corinthians 7:32-35(NLT) gives us wisdom for understanding God’s Will. It says, “32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”

    The wisdom of this passage teaches us God’s standard for marital conduct. It teaches us that marriage is a gift. It’s God’s way of providing companionship but it is also a way of keeping us from sexual immorality, because that stuff just wrecks the lives of people. It takes them further away from God rather than closer to Him and His blessings. Our Heavenly Father made it clear in 1Corinthians 7:32-35 that the only acceptable reason a man would remain single is that God has ordained him for the purpose of being totally sold out to ministry. Women are just as much God’s treasures as men, and neither a man nor a woman should ever use their single status as an excuse to play around with God’s treasures.

    Jesus Christ commanded us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This is the only acceptable way to love God. Well, how do we accomplish it? 1John 5:3(NLT) declares, “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.” Our need and desire for companionship must never be above our allegiance to honor God and do what He says.

    The right one for all of us is forever and always Jesus Christ. He’s the one to give us marital unity and longevity, and our commitment to honor him allows us to walk in his love, strength, and power. We have made relationships way more complicated than God ever intended. We can’t navigate this rocky terrain without His help. We desperately need His guidance, so we should never try to take things into our own hands by leaning on our own understanding. That’s not a winning strategy. 1John 5:4 tells us that every person in life will defeat the plots and tricks of evil, and we will do this, not by selfishness or a need to control, but by the victory that is achieved through our faith in God. So, if a man is truly waiting to find the right one, he should be seeking God’s guidance. Most importantly, he should never allow his single status to be a detriment to any woman’s life or to his own with relationship with God and standing in Christ.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Our Need for Companionship”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Rules of Dating

    The Rules of Dating

    The rules of dating in a way that leads to marriage are not exactly outlined in the Bible in a step-by-step format. In fact, some have complained that not much about dating is specifically covered in God’s Word. This is because God never intended that dating should be the ‘thing’ that the world has made it out to be. With all our modern conveniences and intellectual advancements, it should be no surprise to any of us that most people view the standards of God’s Word relating to marriage and dating as antiquated. Personally, I’ve been told many times that I’m ridiculous for espousing abstinence, even though this is what God says in His Word. We’re at a place where denying God’s Word is so rampant that many are blinded to His guidance about dating. Their hearts are set on following their own way instead of following His way, and this tactic will not yield success.

    In Old Testament times, the people of Israel asked Samuel, God’s prophet, to petition God on their behalf. They no longer wanted to be under the Lord’s sovereignty. There is no one like God. He is majestic beyond majesty, brilliant beyond brilliance, and perfect beyond perfection. He is King! He chose the Israelites to be His people, and He desired them to honor His absolute sovereignty so they could remain under the covering of His protection and care. They decided they no longer wanted this but instead wanted a human king like all the other nations. They didn’t want to be set apart for God but wanted to be like everyone else. This is a humongous issue in the lives of believers today. Many of us no longer want to be set apart as God’s holy people. We want to follow the world and live outside God’s statutes and standards.

    It’s hard to imagine why anyone who witnessed the kind of miracles and wonders that God performed for the people of Israel would want to remove themselves from His sovereignty, but this is what they wanted and chose to do. They paid a very heavy price for this decision, and so will we if we choose to ignore God’s Will.

    God granted their petition, even though it was a blatant denial of Him and His sovereignty. He appointed Saul as their first king, but Saul messed everything up. He became arrogant with his rank and position as king, and disobeyed God’s directions and instructions. God then sent Samuel on a mission to anoint the next king. Left to his own devices, Samuel would have appointed someone that looked the part but didn’t have the heart God was looking for. When he tried to do this, God told Samuel in 1Samuel 16:7(NLT), “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

    God looks at the heart, and He knows our hearts through and through. He knows when our hearts are valuing His Word, and He knows when our hearts are motivated out of a predominant desire to please Him. This is a person that can be guided by God’s Spirit. They have a heart that is loyal toward Him. He said in 2Chronicles 16:9 that He searches throughout the entire earth, looking for those that are fully committed and loyal to Him, so He can show Himself strong on their behalf.

    The rules of dating are simple; be obedient to God’s Word. He specifically looks for people who love and honor Him with their whole hearts, particularly when it comes to dating, because too many of us are abandoning God’s standards. When He finds people that have placed their faith in Him alone, He opens their eyes to His strength, and they see His wonders in their lives. He longs to do this for all His kids, because He loves us so much, but we must desire to please God wholeheartedly. The goal is not to please ourselves, but to please Him, and pleasing Him positions us to receive His rewards.

    In the Old Testament, God told His people repeatedly that if they would obey His commands and abide by His statutes, He would bless them and caused them to be prosperous and live long lives. In Leviticus 26:13(NLT), God told them, “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt so you would no longer be their slaves. I broke the yoke of slavery from your neck so you can walk with your heads held high.” They were a stubborn people, and like many of us, they were intent to follow their own way, and that way led them to destruction. In Leviticus 26:13, our Heavenly Father had to remind them of who He is, and again, there are many records in the Old Testament where He had to do this time and time again.

    God had to remind them that He doesn’t change. He’s the God that delivered the Israelites from the tyranny of Egyptian slavery. He parted the Red Sea for their escape, fed them manna from Heaven, and in the desert, He made water burst forth from rocks for them to drink. He’s the same God that sent His Son to die as a sacrifice for our sins over two thousand years ago so that we would be saved from the slavery of sin and death. No, God has not changed, and His Word hasn’t changed. His standards are holy and righteous, and to show our hearts loyal to Him, we must obey them.

    The world is increasingly becoming a place where true disciples and followers of Christ stand out more and more, because so few of us are actually adhering to God’s standard. Our Heavenly Father has set us apart as His children of light. Dating can’t be a carve-out where His standards do not apply. His goal and desire are that we are blessed, happy, fulfilled, and married if we desire it. He’s given us His Word because it is life to us. It equips us for a thriving life in Christ, and by this we can know that He blesses His Word. Anyone that follows it will be rewarded. Companionship is one of those rewards, but we must never get ahead of God and let sin take us out of the race. He will send the right person for our lives, and until He does, we’d be wise not to allow dating to cancel or delay the blessing of a marriage that is founded on the unity and love of Christ.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Rules of Dating”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.