Find A Christian Man

Tag: Relationships

  • How Can One Be Warm Alone?

    How Can One Be Warm Alone?

    One day, my youngest daughter asked me a question that, when answered, began a myriad of other questions; not just in her mind, but mine as well. Children are so inquisitive. They are curious in a way that sometimes forces adults to think deeply about things they haven’t given much thought. “Mommy, where do babies come from?” my daughter asked. Without even thinking, I answered, “they come from mommy’s bellies.” She followed up with, “But how do they get in there?” I replied, “They come from mommy and daddy.” With her sweet voice soaked in puzzlement, she said to me, “But my friend Aisha doesn’t have a daddy.”

    The initial question from my five-year old no doubt has been asked of many mothers, fathers, and teachers. Whether it is because of divorce, a broken relationship or one parent deciding not to stick around, the number of single-parent households has been on the rise since the 50s. In today’s society, there’s a large number of single parents (single mothers in particular) that are answering the call alone of being provider, nurturer, and protector to their children. It’s not an easy gig, and we spend a lot of time thinking and talking about the complexities of doing it all while being single. The risk in this is that we don’t always focus on some of the challenges our children face in a single-parent home.

    One of the most common challenges stems from the hustle that a single parent must keep up in order to provide for the family. Even though the children are the highest on the parent’s list of priorities, sometimes it doesn’t feel this way to them because the parent doesn’t have the luxury of time to spare. This can add an extra layer of guilt for any single parent, but as Christians, we have God’s grace, and it literally obliterates guilt. For people that haven’t developed a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, wearing all the hats as a single parent can be overwhelming, to the point of major melt-downs for the family. This has the potential to lead to long lasting problems down the road. But when you understand and trust that God is the glue that holds all the pieces together, you begin to trust not only in your destiny as a parent, but in the destiny of your child as well.

    The indwelling Holy Spirit is more than an equalizer. He takes what the enemy means for bad and turns it around for our good. He will most certainly do this for our children. As we cover them in prayer, Heavenly Father gives us the time, energy, and opportunity to minister where our children need the most attention. We are not perfect parents, but if we will allow Christ to be in the driver’s seat, he will help us beyond our expectations in the area of parenting. It is by far a spiritual relationship of trust that we must have with him, and we must allow him room to work through us as we impact the lives of our children.

    Another crucial component that we must grasp very tightly and emphatically is that our children must see us as transformational rather than always being transactional. They see the grind, and put two and two together that we are hustling to put food on the table and clothes on their backs, but what about the transformational part? Are we truly being the conduits to connect our children to the God of the bible—their Creator who loves them to pieces?

    I remember a time when I would ask one too many questions and would be scolded for it. Many adults have had the ‘why’ canceled out of them this way, and it is one of the reasons that we aren’t as curious as we should be regarding the things of the Kingdom. This cancelling-curiosity bug is not something we should pass on, but on the contrary, we should seek to nip it in the bud and make sure our children realize that God’s way is the way of faith, and it is extraordinary.

    Heavenly Father calls upon us to be transformed by renewing our minds to His Word. This means that we are to create an atmosphere of faith that is heavy with expectancy. Children shouldn’t be made to wear a mindset of doubt that they’ve inherited from a single parent’s resentment or unbelief. They can feel a sense of hopelessness in their home environment when the parent wants to have help, wants to partner in marriage, but doesn’t have the faith that it’ll happen. Children are very perceptive, and again, a mindset of doubt shouldn’t be something we want to pass on to them. They should be given a healthy diet of hopefulness, and we’re the ones to feed it to them.

    Families is what makes us stronger, and it is also what makes our children stronger; whether it is a one parent family or two. However, we cannot deny the advantages of being joined together with a loving partner. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NLT) tells us, “9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”  Spouses make up the dynamic team that God ordained. It’s a great dream to have, and if it’s your dream as a single parent, keep it fueled with faith. It will help to create an atmosphere of hope in your home, where you and your kids are continually inspired by what the power of God will produce.

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

    “How Can One Be Warm Alone?” written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

     

     

     

  • Saying the Right Words Can Save Our Relationships

    Saying the Right Words Can Save Our Relationships

    Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)
    “Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.”

    We can never underestimate the power of the words we speak. Proverb 13:3 is one example of how God wakes us up to the damage that can be done by what we say. It’s why I make sure to start my day by asking the Holy Spirit to help me control my tongue. This is so important to me because of past mistakes I’ve made. Those memories when I’ve hurt others unintentionally with the words I’ve spoken still stings. Especially during times of anger, I said things that hurt those I care about most. I was upset, and cutting words came out of my mouth before I could catch them. I wish I could take them back, but that’s the trap of unkind words; you can never take them back. Once they’re out of your mouth, there’s a record of them in heaven above and hell below.

    I believe one of the main reasons people get stuck in life is because they haven’t learned or been taught how to use their words, or how to economize them when necessary. In our schools, teachers begin instructing students at a very early age to use their words carefully, and to be kind to one another with their language. This is a good practice of thoughtfulness, but it also conveys the intelligence of building discipline and self-control around what comes out of our mouths.

    Ephesians 4:29-32 (NLT) tells us, “29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

    After we receive Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside us. His presence and power within is proof positive that we are God’s children, and we have been given a recreated human spirit. The Holy Spirit lives inside our recreated human spirit, and He guides, directs, comforts, teaches, and befriends us. Verse 30 admonishes us not to bring sorrow or grief to the indwelling Holy Spirit by the way we live, but instead, we are to get rid of as much negativity in our lives as we have knowledge about. We are to replace acts and words of anger, resentment, and harshness with those of gentleness, forgiveness, and kindness. Many Christians have not disciplined themselves to do this, and one of the major reasons that they haven’t is because they don’t realize how costly it is to their spiritual lives.

    Jesus Christ has told us that to whom much is given much is required. As Children of God, we are held to a much higher standard. God expects us to behave like Him. We are to have a love nature.

    Our obedience to God will always be rewarded, but our rebellion against what He has told us will not. Our words and actions have consequences not just in the right now of our conditions, but also in our futures. Many marriages are corroding today because of hurtful words that were spoken years ago, they were never acknowledged as harmful by the person that spoke them. He or she never repented, and those toxic words were never forgiven by the person to whom they were spoken to. So not only is the doer of evil in trouble, but in some cases the recipient as well, because the potential to harbor hurt and resentment is present.

    We need to make changes in our conduct so that our mouths do not ruin everything for us. This is good medicine for the wife, girlfriend, and the woman desiring to occupy either of those roles. Our attitudes, words, and choices really do matter. They impact our present reality, and they build the future realities we will have. Let’s learn and practice the discipline of speaking words that help and not hinder, comfort and not discourage, and give life, not death. This is the way to strengthen our relationship with God and others, as we continue to build a life of love and holiness before Him.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Saying the Right Words Can Save Our Relationships”, written by written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!