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Tag: Spiritually preparing for marriage

God’s Plan for Your Life Works

I watched an interview last week of a woman that described her disappointment in getting back into the dating scene. She’s 35 years-old and is really having a challenging time. She wonders if she’ll ever find love again. Her divorce was very painful, and now that she has to raise two young girls, she wants to be sure she’s setting an example of strength. Having a two-parent home is also very important to her. She wants her girls to believe in the institution of marriage and doesn’t want them to develop fear around it. Considering the difficulty she’s encountered with finding someone special, she wonders if she can reassure her daughters that you can have a marriage where both partners are loyal, happy, and fulfilled.

As parents, it is not only loving but responsible of us to consider that our attitudes and behaviors will influence our children in a big way. The Old Testament speaks of generational sins and curses that were passed from generation to generation. This isn’t because God passed them, but because negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of the parents were never confronted with the truth of God’s Word. The parents never repented from these things, and therefore continued the poor and wrong behaviors. They modeled them before their children; then their children became parents who then, again, modeled them before the eyes of their children. Sin and negativity were passed down, and the more the sinful patterns continued, the more entrenched they became. We see this with many addictions, dysfunction, and isms in our family cultures and communities.

20/20 Hindsight
Pain and struggle are often calling cards for change. They signal that we need to find our way back to God’s plan for our lives. This is such a good lesson for us. Many people totally ignore the reality that the complexities of life can cause them to get off the path of God’s purpose. The solution to getting back on the path is to remove the blockers that keep us from it. It’s to pursue God’s wisdom and find out what He requires, so we can follow the path that He’s laid before us. This isn’t the path we choose, it’s the path that He, and only He, has chosen for us.

Sometimes we have generational stuff hiding out in our hearts, and we have neither confronted nor repented from them. We have negative patterns, sometimes quite nasty ones, that surface with the significant people in our lives. Divorce and heartbreaks of any kind can provide a lens that will help us reflect on our own behavior. When we’re in a relationship and things are not going well, some of us panic, go into denial, or play the blame game. The end of the relationship will often give us 20/20 hindsight. When we’re in it, we can’t see what we’re doing that may contribute to the relationship’s demise, but once it has ended, some of us see more clearly. We can look at the things we could have done differently. This perspective offers valuable clues, and we must be guided by the Spirit to analyze, heal, and deal with them.

He doesn’t fail
Proverbs 19:21(NLT) tells us, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” This verse is very simply written and is easy to understand, but the impact of its truth is astounding. It provides the firm foundation on which we can anchor our hopes and dreams. All of us make plans for our futures, but one of the valuable lessons that a broken relationship can teach us is how quickly and dramatically our plans can fall apart. God is the glue that holds everything together, and we must trade our plans for His plans.

God said in Jeremiah 29:11(NLT), “For I know the plans I have for you…They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” God is GOD! He doesn’t need any help from us to set His plan in motion. In Jeremiah 17:8, God says we’re like trees planted by the riverbank, with roots that reach deep down in the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat of the sun, but drink in its’ nourishment and don’t ever have to worry about a drought. The leaves of this tree remain green continually, and this tree never stops bearing fruit. The other truths reflected in this verse is that God created the tree, as well as the sun and the soil that keep it nourished. Everything about this tree and its’ care is included in God’s perfect plan.

God causes all things to work together according to HIS purposes. He has a plan for our individual lives, and it cannot fail. His plan includes the well-being of our children, our spouses, our care, and every other provision we need. He wants the best for us, and He wants us to be happy, so the best thing we can do for ourselves is surrender our agenda for His agenda. It’s to stop worrying about how our children see our mistakes and make sure they see our commitment to Christ. When we yield to him and allow him to teach us how to be truly led by the Spirit, our lives will be a testament of God’s truth because we will be living and blessed according to His plan.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“God’s Plan for Your Life Works”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 30, 2021
When It’s Better to Live Alone

Proverbs 21:9(NLT) says, “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” Sometimes the truth spoken very plainly will slice and clarify with the sharpest knife. As a single person, our ears should perk up when we hear this verse in Proverbs 21:9. It should make us ask ourselves a few questions. The first of which is “what is God’s definition of a quarrelsome wife?” Many of us would attempt to answer this question very quickly, but that would be a mistake. One of the major reasons we see quite a few people that are disappointed in their significant relationships is because they’ve made impetuous and incorrect assumptions. These were made in areas of a relationship that required us to hear from God so we could be led by the Spirit. Instead, we assumed we knew best and ended up with a costly mistake.

A quarrelsome wife
Cross-referencing scripture and looking closely at Proverbs 21:9, a quarrelsome wife is a woman that is full of strife and bitterness, so much so that she is easily provoked to anger and uses angry words with her husband and children. This is a woman that probably seems quite nice out in public. It is only in her home environment, among those who know her best, when she allows the claws to come out. She speaks words that she knows in her heart are intentionally hurtful and has no regard for the reality that the people she is hurting are treasures that belong to God. A quarrelsome wife has issues. They are hiding out in her soul, yet they are apparent to everyone except her.

Proverbs 21:9 paints a very clear picture that a woman can make a home a terrible place to be. Even if it is palatial and well-kept, a nagging wife can make the home a place where the man and children are under affliction. In times that seem peaceful, they are nervous and anxious about when she might explode again. Her home should be a place of rest, but she has saturated every crevice with the putrid odor of bitterness. And yet, folks who know her are under the false notion that she is the epitome of Godliness.

Better to be in a corner
It is very sad to say that the condition of many sisters’ hearts is so racked by deep-seated anger, bitterness, and the arrogance of entitlement, that singleness is epidemic. We are grieving the Holy Spirit because we have not truly repented and have refused to acknowledge how wrong we have been. It is from this place of wrongness that we make incorrect assumptions, and claim we are unaware of the harm we have already inflicted and will inflict in the future. Heavenly Father will not reward us with a treasure in this state. Instead, He warns the man to steer clear of a quarrelsome woman, because it is better that he lives alone in a corner of an attic than to live with her.

All over the world, men have heeded this wisdom from God, even the ones that have never heard Proverbs 21:9. They know all too well what it means to live with a quarrelsome woman, because many of them have seen it in their own mothers. Any man, that is truly a man, will ultimately high tail it and run from a woman who comes against the anointing and authority he carries as a man. As women of God, we want to be respected and appreciated as treasures, and we must have an intention and commitment to treat every other person this way as well; especially those that live in our own homes.

Proverbs 3:3(NIV) tells us, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” 2Corinthians 6:6 says that we prove ourselves by our purity, knowledge, patience, and kindness that is outwardly expressed in love from the Holy Spirit within. This is how we must live, and when it is our sole intention to do so, our attitudes and lives will change.■

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“When It’s Better to Live Alone” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 24, 2021
Looking for Treasures Where There Are None

When a man decides to go down on one knee and ask a woman to be his wife, it means she’s presented to him something that makes him decide to deny the pursuit of any other woman. He chooses as his wife the woman that satisfies something within him. This choice signals the world of this man’s intentions. A woman then has a choice to make. She can either accept the man’s offer of marriage, or she can deny it. If she denies it, in a perfect world they’d both go their separate ways, and part as friends. They’d realize that although one person is ready to make this commitment, the other is not in agreement; therefore, they can’t walk down that aisle together. But if both are in agreement, they can make something beautiful together. This is what many single women are hoping and praying will happen to them one day soon.

The most important decision two people in a relationship will make is deciding if they should get married to one another. But before this stage is even a consideration, the two of them should be walking in agreement with God, seeking Him continually for those all-important green lights. We can’t be naive about this, because many people have been blind-sighted. They thought they received an ‘all clear’, when actually they didn’t. Sometimes, single people will translate good chemistry between them and the new person as a sign. In this scenario, the conversations are good, the new guy is saying all the right things, and he checks off most of the qualities on the top tier on their list. Because a single woman may have been praying a long while to meet someone of this caliber, she makes certain assumptions. Then, when things go wrong and don’t work out, she questions God as though He bears the responsibility for her poor choice.

The fact that we want to see certain characteristics in the person we hope to marry is admirable. To list them out is a worthwhile endeavor, but if we take the time to think and process what we desire in a mate, there’s another list that should have come before that one. It’s the ‘To Do’ list of our responsibilities to our Heavenly Father. The reason that we can’t have one without the other can be found in James 2:26(NLT). It tells us, “Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.”

Hebrews 11:6 tells us that it is impossible to please God without faith, and from a practical standpoint, we know that faith is necessary for everything we do in life. Most of us know that we’re to have positive confessions and to get our thoughts aligned with the mind of Christ in order to walk in faith, but James 2:26 reminds us of one other crucial component. It tells us that for faith to be lively and active, it must be backed with the right actions.

Some will think that signing up at several dating sites is backing their faith with the right action. Others begin to go out more and involve themselves in various recreational activities, and they would say that these are actions geared towards backing their faith. We must consider that it’s very possible we need to dig a little deeper and travel more closely aligned with the Spirit, because the Spirit will take all the guesswork out of the equation. He will tell us exactly what we need to do to back our faith. James 1:5 tells us that God will not rebuke us for asking for His wisdom and guidance.

Jesus Christ warns us in Matthew 6:19-21(NLT), “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” We must think twice about looking for treasures where there are none, because if we’ve stored them on earth, the enemy will have a field day with them. Make sure your treasures are of the heavenly kind. These are those that can be stored there for safe keeping.

If our treasures are in heaven, our heart will be there too. This doesn’t diminish our pleasure but increases it. When our heart is set on pleasing God, He will reward us. Jesus Christ instructed us in Matthew 6:3-4(NLT), “But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.” This is instruction from our Heavenly Father on how His flow of rewards is handled. We must be mindful that any ol’ thing we choose to do will not be rewarded. God’s stamp of approval must be on it in order for it to count. So let’s change up our strategy by placing it under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Then we can be confident that our desire for marriage does not override our commitment to make loving and honoring God our number one priority.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Looking for Treasures Where There Are None” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 9, 2021
3 Questions You Must Answer

If the person you’re dating isn’t ready for a marital commitment and you are, what are you expecting to happen? Do you expect that he will change his mind? Are you assuming he’ll grow more in love with you or are you willing to simply continue with things as they are? It’s important to ask yourself these questions and to examine the answers with as much scrutiny as possible. The major reason for this is because the answers are a good indication of how you see yourself and how you see God responding to your desire for marriage.

1 Do you expect that he will change his mind?
Heavenly Father did not intend that relationships would be as challenging as they are. But this is the thing about us humans, we bring complexity and confusion into just about every arena of life. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us undoubtedly that God is not the author of confusion, so our goal forever and always should be to let His peace abide with us. The only way to achieve this is to seek and understand His Will.

Genesis 1:26(NLT) tells us, “Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” God created us in His image, and He also gives us our mission. It is to reign within the earth’s realm. This is God’s Will! He did not give any human being the right to reign over another person. We can’t see into another person’s heart, and we cannot control their minds. We are to have dominion and authority in our own lives. This means we cannot change how someone responds to us. The most that we can do is change how we respond to them.

2 Are you assuming he’ll grow more in love with you?
Love is a commitment, and it is a commitment we must honor through the Lord Jesus Christ. In John 15:13(NKJV), our Master Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” His example reveals that love isn’t consumed with what we receive, it is about the commitment we make to love and serve others through Christ. Again, humans complicate things way more than they need to be. We have taken the infallible treasure of love and tried to dice it up and split it in several different ways that suit our own agendas. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has demonstrated for us what love is and how it behaves, so we don’t get to put our spin on it. 1John 4:8 tells us that God is love, and if authentic love is our goal, it must be expressed through our faith in Him.

After God created Adam, He saw that Adam was lonely. Genesis 2:20-23(NLT) tells us: “20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” Adam had all dominion and authority in the earth. He was not weak or lacking because he was created from God’s glory to be perfect in every way. But Adam was without a companion, and it was always God’s plan to make Eve from Adam’s body, so he would have a perfectly suited spouse to love.

Because God loves us, just as He did for Adam and Eve, He will take care of our needs. If we are representing Christ in the way that God requires, we should never allow ourselves to be overly concerned about whether someone loves us back. Instead, loving God through the Lord Jesus Christ must be our main focus and concern. 2Corinthians 3:5 tells us that God is our Sufficiency. Another person cannot fulfill that role, and if we think they can, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Therefore, we can never, under any circumstances, try to make another person our source or sufficiency. God is our Source. We must be very careful that we’re not trying to make a person our everything or depend on them to be. If we do this, we’ve stepped away from God’s love and may be in jeopardy of idolatry and obsession.

Are you willing to simply continue with things as they are?
God wants us to have happy lives and happy marriages. He doesn’t want to make our pleasure any less but wants our joy to be full. To accomplish this, the love of Jesus Christ must be firmly anchored in our hearts. When it isn’t, God will help us if we want to be helped. As we accept God’s help and commit ourselves to be led by His Spirit, we must accept that change is inevitable.

Things do not stay the same, and life doesn’t afford us the opportunity to continue being the same person we’ve always been. Therefore, we should not expect that the person we love will go on being who they are either. Life supports growth, change, and evolution; and all of it hangs on God’s purposes. Proverbs 19:21(NLT) says, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” So, the wisest thing we can do is be patient as God shows us what He has planned. Then, we can make decisions and choices in alignment with His Will, because these will be the best decisions and choices we can make for our lives.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“3 Questions You Must Answer“, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 2, 2021
Show Me How to Love

As human beings, we crave love, and whether we’re willing to admit it or not, most would do almost anything to have it. Many people today are still searching for that special someone, and they hope this person will shower them with the love they’ve always wanted. It’s no secret that there are disproportionately more single women desiring a committed relationship than men. They hope to find a man that has qualities comparable to their own, and that this quest will ultimately lead to marriage. They also hope this will not be prolonged much longer. Most single believers desiring marriage recognize that having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to make it a reality. Every step that a person takes towards increasing their faith in Christ is impactful, and this is one of the reasons it’s so important to be led by the Spirit in all you do, especially when it comes to your desire for marriage.

The Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13:11(NLT), “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” From the very beginning of our lives, as infants, we are comforted and become established in the unconditional love from our parents. Knowing that our parents or guardians will always be supportive and will never walk away from us should establish the first foundation of love in our hearts. For many, this expectation of love, care, and support is rooted in us from infancy, but as we grow, our expectations for and about love should change. As children, our parents were our lords—they were supposed to be our everything. But as Paul tells us in God’s Word, when we mature and develop into adults, it is necessary for us to let go of childish things.

We are not perfect, and neither are our parents. Sometimes the foundation that gets established in us doesn’t help us build faith, but in some areas work against our faith. We grow up holding on to and nurturing immaturity. Some generational stuff gets passed on, and we may have insecurities and fears that we’ve not confronted or owned. These immature tendencies block us from developing mature faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. It is crucial to handle this business of removing the blockers, and to do it before we’re in the most significant relationships of our lives. The person we’ll marry will be the individual we minister to most. They will be most impacted by our spiritual walk in Christ, and if we are not prepared to help them in the way that God has purposed, we’ve got a problem.

Discovering God’s love is transformative. He has shown us through Christ that love is about what we do and has very little to do with what we say. Our loving Lord and Savior paid the ultimate price for us. Because of his overwhelming love, he sacrificed his life as payment for our sins. He said in John 15:13(NLT), “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” When we accept the love of Christ in our hearts, we then must love as he loves, share as he shares, and give as he gives. This is the least we can do for all that he has done for us.

1 John 3:16(MSG) says, “This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.” We must understand that sacrifice is necessary in love; Jesus Christ has shown us this, and it is this sacrificial aspect of love that many people refuse to see. Meeting the person we will marry can’t be a desire born out of selfishness or self-agendas. If it is, the relationship won’t have a solid foundation. But when a relationship is built on the solid foundation of Christ, it will last. This means that, with our future spouses, we will come into the union with a measure of spiritual maturity that God has stamped “READY!”

Right now, we don’t yet know all the ways in which we’re missing the mark in the love of God in Christ, but God knows. He knows our every weakness, and He sees the problems and situations in our futures that we are not yet spiritually mature enough to handle. The psalmist prayed in Psalm 27:10-11(NLT), “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close. Teach me how to live, O LORD. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me.” This must be our constant prayer. You have an enemy that seeks to keep you separated from our future spouse, but God will teach you how to love through Him and keep your union strong. He will show you how to love so that you fulfill the plan He has for you and your spouse. Be patient, and let the Spirit lead you along this right path. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Show Me How to Love”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 26, 2021
Get Out of Your Own Way

One of the young women that I counsel has finished college and is ready to get married. She’s bright, intelligent, attractive and loves the Lord. But often she feels like she’s not doing enough with her life to please God. She says this because of her unfulfilled desire to meet the Godly man that will be her husband. She’s fully aware that just because a man is a believer and loves the Lord, this doesn’t mean that he’s the right one. Like me, she knows women in her family and community that have believed this and leaped into a relationship with a saved man, thinking there was no chance for error. They were wrong. So, she wants to meet the man that God has planned for her destiny, but there’s also a part of her that questions if it will truly ever happen.

God has given us this innate desire to partner for a reason. The union of marriage has been a part of His plan from the beginning. It teaches us many lessons that aid our relationship with Him. So, we should never feel indifferent to our desires to be married. It is a perfectly natural desire, and our Heavenly Father will take care of it, just as He does every other aspect of our existence. The thing we must be careful about is the tendency to want to rush things. Many single sisters feel a void in their lives because they haven’t yet partnered. When this happens, feelings of loneliness or sadness creep in as well. This can cause a sense of urgency, and many of us become desperate.

Desperation hinders our desires because it tells a lie about God’s willingness and ability to bless His beloved children. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:8 that our Heavenly Father knows what we have need of before we ask. You and I don’t get to define our needs for God, nor can we dictate to Him how He should fulfill our needs. 2Corinthians 3:5(NKJV), tells us, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God,” He’s our sufficiency. Everything we need flows from Him.

When we’re desperate, we tend to get in our own way. We don’t always know what to do with the void we feel, so we try to fill it ourselves. Doing this can harm our relationship with God, because He has told us that our lives don’t belong to us; they belong to Him. He commanded us in Romans 12:1 to present our bodies to Him as a living sacrifice that is holy and acceptable to Him. This is the least we can do for all He has done for us.

To get out of our own way is to put Jesus Christ totally and completely in the driver’s seat. He said in Matthew 16:25-26 (MSG), “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?” We must have a track record of yielding to the Spirit when we feel emotionally taxed or out of whack, so that when we’re married, we won’t lash out at our spouses, or use our emotions as a way of punishing him. Instead, we will constantly go back to God every time and allow Him to lead and guide us through those tough times through His Spirit.

How many times have I rushed things in my life just to get somewhere quick and in a hurry? How many times have I wanted things to happen in a hurry just to satisfy my own desires? I think this happens to a lot of single Christian women – particularly when it pertains to meeting someone and wanting to get married. We want the man to show up in our lives when we think we’re ready. 1Corinthians 7:17(MSG) instructs, “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.”

When the single woman realizes this, she will find that she doesn’t have to rush through life or figure things out on her own timing. God wants the absolute best for all of us. He wants the single Christian to have a loving and Godly spouse if that is their desire. But even more so, He has given us the roadmap on how to get there. Get out of your own way and allow the counsel and guidance of God to direct and lead the path in your life. He will take care of your needs and His timing is always perfect.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Get Out of Your Own Way” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 12, 2021
Yes, I Called Him First

The internet has drastically changed many aspects of our lives, but you’d be hard pressed to argue against its monumental impact on dating. Because of the internet, single people have more options today than ever, but more options don’t necessarily translate to making dating easier. While it’s true that the dating pool of potentials is widened by online dating sites, the weeding out process is often complicated and tricky. Profiles paint a picture of what a person wants you to see, and often leave out entirely the stuff you’d run away from if you knew it. So, we’re now at a place where a person is more likely to meet someone through an email than at the grocery store, church, or through friends and family. Therefore, caution and wisdom are indispensable with online dating, because so few people talk about the need to adjust expectations to reality. The real deal is that it may take a long time to find a compatible, quality person that is interested in building a serious relationship—one that will last.

A little while ago, a good friend went out on her first date with a man she connected with online. They had been conversing a few weeks, and things were going really well, so they finally decided to meet. On the date, she said the conversation between the two of them was even better than their phone calls. He said all the right things. The restaurant was nice, they instantly seemed to hit it off, and my friend felt very optimistic. The entire evening, he was the perfect gentleman, and when she arrived home, she thought surely he would text. He didn’t. No ‘nice to meet you in person’, ‘enjoyed your company’, or ‘let’s do that again.’ She got nothing.

The next morning, she checked her phone and again, nothing. They had been texting each other ‘good morning’ for a few weeks, so she was very puzzled by this. A few days went by, and still…crickets.

Meeting someone in person is completely different from reading a profile and seeing a picture online. You get a sense of a person’s energy when you’re in their company, and the chemistry can be completely different than you thought it would be. Sometimes the other person’s agenda isn’t what they’ve represented in a profile. Maybe the man’s intention is purely physical. His bubble is burst when he meets her in person, and she is not someone that is easily manipulated.

There are people who endure even more hurtful situations from online dating than what my friend has endured. We’ve probably all heard some of the horror stories, and the lesson is that none of us should internalize the rejection and disappointments from this stuff. We should learn that it will forever and always be best to depend on God’s wisdom and guidance with any dating option. He knew about the internet a very long time before any of us had a clue, and He knows how to guide us through the pitfalls.

As women, we can jump in too soon with our emotions. We become too eager and excited, and we need to be more cautious. Proverbs 19:2(NLT) tells us, “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” In the case of my friend, you might be thinking that perhaps she misread things, and maybe she should be the one to call. My friend considered this herself and decided to do just that. He answered her call and seemed happy to hear her voice. He said he had been thinking of her and was going to call but things got hectic. He promised to call her later that evening, but it’s been a few months, and that was the last time she heard from him.

We can call it old fashion if we want, but God’s Word and Will is never outdated, and if we don’t follow it, we can’t expect the results it yields. Women and men are not the same. They each have different roles, and Heavenly Father was extremely intentional about this. Proverbs 18:22(NLT) says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” This is God’s standard, and God’s standards never change. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and members of His holy family through the Lord Jesus Christ. He tells us that a virtuous woman is priceless. His expectation is that she will be treated in a way that honors her worth.

It is in no way about arrogance or egotism. It is about owning your identity as God’s precious daughter. If you know who you are, then you have a right to expect that a man will appreciate your worth. If he is truly seeking a woman of your Godly character and grace, he would be chomping at the bits to be in your company again; because that’s how a man of integrity, substance, and loyalty behaves when he’s in the presence of his queen. A man will always pursue what he wants. If he’s not willing to pursue you, he doesn’t recognize your worth.

Proverbs 19:3(NLT) tells us, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD.” It is very easy for all of us to be foolish and make a mistake with dating, and there are a variety of ways to do it. But this kind of mistake can turn into a travesty that will ruin our lives if we’re not careful. It can cause us to lose valuable time, stamina, and momentum that should be aimed towards the man who is deserving of all we have to give. So, yes, you may have called him first, but be wise and don’t do it again.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Yes, I Called Him First” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 29, 2021
Show Me Where to Start

“This isn’t right – I gotta fix this…I miss my family!” This is what a close friend said to me as he described what made him fight for his marriage. With two children, a mortgage, and a job that he didn’t feel was worth waking up to each morning, it became more than a notion for this man in his thirties; it had become overwhelming. He and his wife had separated after only five years of marriage, and during their separation, he grew even more despondent. He began to feel so isolated from his family that he couldn’t see how he and his wife could fix what was broken. Neither one of them could imagine submitting to the other for the sake of their family’s unity and peace.

Jesus Christ said in Matthew 5:9(NLT), “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” There are many ways to bring peace to any situation, but it takes humility, love, and a heart that is eager to please God. Peace work requires that we release all claims to pride, and the need to control and be right. This is very difficult for some of us. Anyone that is going through or has gone through a difficult time in their marriage can attest to the fact that it’s easier to run away from the problems than to stand strong and face them head on.

As women, we have endured a lot, and still continue to endure a great deal. We don’t have the luxury of being weak; too many depend on our strength. We run to God because like the song says, ‘we’ve tried Him, and we know He’s all right!’ Our backs have been against the wall enough times to know that He’ll never leave us or forsake us, but sometimes our strength is entangled with stubbornness. Our tenacity, when it’s stretched too thin, can be tainted with bitterness. Then we say to God, “Why is it always me that has to change? Why do I have to do all the emotional acrobatics all the time? Why doesn’t he ever have to come clean and surrender too?”

Our Lord and Savior answers these questions so beautifully in Matthew 5:13-14(NLT), “13 You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. 14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.” We add flavor to the lives of those we love and know, and it is because we are the lights of the world. It should be our highest privilege and honor to show people the unyielding endurance of the love of Christ. Forgiving others keeps us salty. Making peace keeps our light bright. He never said it was easy. It’s hard work sometimes, and that’s why peace-work comes with such great rewards.

It doesn’t matter how many times we have to rein ourselves in, especially when we’re cringing and about to burst because we want to say something and speak our minds so bad. We must hold our tongues. The rebellious part of us despises this. We don’t want to submit to anyone, and we don’t want anyone to have authority over us, but the truth of it is that marriage requires submission. Both spouses must be submissive and committed to one another. And yes, sometimes it will feel like one person has a greater portion of this than the other, but the wonderful part about it is that God blesses those who work for peace. The reward will be evident in the quality of our unions.

No matter how broken things may seem, we can roll up our sleeves and ask God to “Show me where to start!” He will show us how to create an environment of humility through the love of Christ. We must have faith that God will always hold us up, even when we let our guards down in our marriages. When we let down those barriers of rebellion, we will have cultivated a space and place where our partners feel emotionally safe to do the same. Through Christ, we can choose to be the peacemaker, and we will never regret the decision to do so. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Show Me Where to Start” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 22, 2021
It’s Time

There’s a question every woman that is single and waiting for the right man to enter her life must ask. It is whether wait mode has caused her to hit the pause button on other vital parts of her life. Sometimes we can do this and not realize it. We might begin to feel that we can’t have a certain level of fulfillment unless we have a spouse or a significant relationship. In Matthew 16:19(NLT), Jesus Christ said “And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” This verse is exactly the wisdom we need to release the pause button. If we take heed to its wisdom, we’ll head down a path that pleases God and helps us unlock a truth within that every successfully married woman has opened.

For many single Christian women, the wait month after month, year after year, has gotten to be exhausting. A sister friend said to me just the other day that she’s been divorced for twenty years, and she never thought she would be single that long. She declared boldly, “It’s time!” I was moved by her declaration and pray that she will cross paths with her future spouse very soon. I’m sympathetic because I have experienced this same frustration, feeling that the wait has been too long. On top of this, it’s discouraging to see so many women that are experiencing the same frustration.

I’m a firm believer in asking critical questions. I was brought up to believe that a person should never question God, but I have come to know that this isn’t an approach that leads to enlightenment. We can’t open the door to greater truths if we don’t ask questions. So, we must come to God through the Lord Jesus Christ, and humbly ask Him the questions that are on our hearts. Then, we must believe that He will give us the answer. James 1:5(NLT) tells us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” If we feel we’re waiting too long for a blessing to come to pass, we must ask God about it and be courageous enough to face the answer. Because this answer will most certainly lead us to a greater demonstration of faith in God through Christ.

Wisdom is necessary for any pursuit, and it is most certainly a must for marriage. God doesn’t keep His wisdom a secret. He is a God of order, and He tells us how to walk in His blessings continually. The wisdom that leads to walking in God’s blessings continually can be found in Matthew 6:33, where Jesus Christ tells us to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, and blessings will be added to us. This is a very simple thing, but some of us have made it quite complicated. This verse shows us what is most important to Heavenly Father, and it is that our hearts are anchored in our desire for Him more than any other thing. This speaks to intimacy in our relationship with God. He is showing us how this intimacy is supposed to look. When He sees our lives, there must be irrefutable evidence that seeking Him is our primary focus.

As women, the desire for marriage and wanting to cross paths with our future husbands feels very natural to many of us. Why is this? Could it be that the desire for marriage is ingrained within? Could it be that somewhere inside of us there is a knowing that marriage is a part of our destiny? Could it be that we pursue our desire for marriage because we can’t imagine not pursuing it? Think about the answers to those questions and then pull the measuring stick out further. Ask yourself if you’ll move to a new city or town if you knew you’d meet your future spouse there? Would you give up a bad habit for his happiness? Would you spend less and give more for the betterment of your marriage? If you will do these things for a human being, you must be willing to do much more for God.

This strong desire for marriage comes from within, but I submit to you that the purpose to which God has called us is an even stronger desire than the one for marriage. And we will sometimes use our desire for marriage and other things as a way of avoiding the real work that God has called us to do. Our purpose within God’s plan is a treasure that He placed within us in Christ before we were born. We are not allowed to wait until we are married to begin to walk in it.

Successfully married women of God are convinced of their purpose in the Lord Jesus Christ. We don’t have to know all the details of our purpose, but there must be evidence in our lives that when we are called to carry forth something for the Kingdom, we won’t allow anything to keep us from doing what God has asked of us. Only this kind of commitment to God can sustain the foundation on which a lasting marriage will rest.

If it requires waiting a hundred years, we must be convinced that God will condition us and give us the strength to wait, and that at the end of our wait will be a tremendous reward. The Apostle Paul gives us a picture of what this looks like in Philippians 4:11-13(NLT). He said, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

We can’t afford to put our purpose on pause for any person or any reason. God has no pleasure in watching His daughters yearn for a blessing year after year. He expects us to trust that the secret of living is knowing we can do everything He desires of us through Christ. The secret of living is being committed to follow the example Jesus Christ has given us. Be confident that even though you don’t see things coming together on the marriage front, they are. Let God see that you have placed your desire to please Him above all others. Be willing to spend however long it takes to prove this to Him. When our trust is firmly in God, He will do as He said in Isaiah 45:3 and give us treasures He’s stored up for us. He’ll do this so we will be convinced that He is the One True God, and He is a Father who never fails His children.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It’s Time!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 14, 2021
The Only True Famous One!

Male celebrity with his bodyguard against a vehicle

Years ago, my sisters and I were traveling and while waiting in the Atlanta airport one summer, we spotted a famous R&B group. They made a veiled attempt to travel incognito, wearing shades to hide their identities. Folks that are accustomed to the perks of celebrity often have an energy that craves attention; this musical group seemed to have this energy in abundance. My older sister recognized them instantly and was very excited to see them. Too nervous to ask herself, she told me to see if they’d give us an autograph. Having been in the company of a few celebrities myself, I had no reservations about walking up to them and asking the lead singer for his autograph. He didn’t acknowledge me at all, and just kept walking as if I wasn’t there. I was totally shocked at his arrogance and nonchalant attitude. I thought it was incredibly rude, and now that I’m older and wiser, I recognize that truly the only person worthy of being singled out and praised is the Lord Jesus Christ. We must get this straight so that when it comes to our future spouses, we’re attracting someone who is loving and not arrogant.

I’m still amazed, even today, by the number of people who get beside themselves when they are around famous individuals. In Galatians 2, the Apostle Paul explains that he depended on the Holy Spirit to teach him the great truths of God’s Word. There were some in his day that were considered heavy weights in the faith, who were famous, prominent and had risked their lives to spread the Gospel, but Paul was not interested in the reputations of others. He was not focused on the work that others were called to carry out. He was focused on his relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and he was committed to carry out what God had called HIM to do. He said in Galatians 2:6(NLT), “And the leaders of the church had nothing to add to what I was preaching. (By the way, their reputation as great leaders made no difference to me, for God has no favorites.)” Sure, it’s great to meet those that have gleaned a certain level of success, but God doesn’t put one person higher than another. He sees us all the same.

Proverbs 4:23(NKJV) warns us, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” We draw things to us based on what is happening in our hearts. Some individuals do nothing but complain about their lives. Not finding anything positive to converse about, they spew out negativity continually. They may say they are thankful for God’s blessings, but in their hearts, they are so busy feeling sorry for themselves that there is hardly any room left for gratitude. Speaking poorly about their conditions and the conditions of others, this person has a negative outlook on life. They have a negative attitude and mindset, and because of this, they attract to themselves the very thing that is in their hearts and minds. This creates a negative cycle that engulfs them. It is the very reason that God commands us in Ephesians 4:23 to be renewed in the spirit of our minds.

Even before they’ve met their future spouses, some women are very willing to make the man their everything. This signals the heavens that she is poised to place the needs of the man over the requirements of Heavenly Father. To renew our minds is to have a change of heart. And not only must we renew our minds and change our hearts so that we never do this, but we must demonstrate the actions that back up our understanding of Matthew 6:33. We can place nothing before our relationship with Heavenly Father, not even our emotions.

Psalm 24:1-5(NLT) tells us, “1 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. 2 For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths. 3 Who may climb the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? 4 Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. 5 They will receive the Lord’s blessing and have a right relationship with God their savior.”

Unlike some celebrities, our Lord is beyond approachable. He is accessible 24/7, 365 days a year; anytime of day or night. And the best part of it all, He wants us to know Him in the most intimate way. He desires a relationship with each of us. We shouldn’t be star-struck by a mere mortal. No human being has come close to doing something on the level of laying the earth’s foundation or putting the sun, moon, and stars in orbit. Our God is our Savior! He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He’s the only true famous One, and when our relationship with Him is where it needs to be, our hearts will light up with the joy of Christ. Then we will please God, and He will set our feet on the path to the blessings we desire most. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“The Only True Famous One!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 8, 2021