Most women know that planning a wedding and preparing for marriage are two different things. We know it. We say it. But once there is a ring on your finger and a wedding date on the calendar, it can become surprisingly easy to spend more time thinking about one day than the life that begins after it.
There will be decisions about dresses, flowers, food, invitations, bridesmaids, music, photographs, and where everybody is going to sit. Somebody will probably get upset about something that you didn’t even know was important. By the time you reach the wedding day, you may feel as though you’ve earned a degree in event management.
And then everybody goes home.
You wake up married.
That’s the part you need to prepare for.
A Christian marriage is more than two people who love each other deciding to spend their lives together. You are entering a covenant before God, and if Jesus Christ is Head, both husband and wife are agreeing to live under His authority. That means preparing for marriage has to go deeper than preparing for the ceremony.
Marriage Will Require Something From You
Philippians 2:3–4 (NLT) tells us, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Marriage will give you plenty of opportunities to live that Scripture.
There will be times when what your husband needs is inconvenient. There will be times when you are tired and he is tired, and neither one of you feels particularly interested in putting the other person first. There will be seasons when one person carries more because the other simply cannot. Marriage will require patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, faithfulness, self-control, and a willingness to serve.
That doesn’t mean losing yourself or believing that your needs no longer matter once you become a wife. It means understanding that marriage cannot thrive when either person enters it primarily concerned with what the other person is going to do for them.
It’s worth asking yourself before marriage: Am I prepared to love someone when loving him requires something from me?
He needs to be asking himself the same question.
Marriage Will Not Fix What You Refuse to Deal With
Sometimes we imagine marriage as the beginning of a completely different life. And in many ways, it is. But you don’t become a different person because somebody puts a ring on your finger.
You bring yourself into the marriage.
Your habits come with you. Your attitudes come with you. Your relationship with money comes with you. Your ability to communicate comes with you. Your temper comes with you. Your insecurities, unresolved hurts, selfish tendencies, fears, expectations, and spiritual maturity all come too.
This is one reason preparation matters.
Psalm 139:23–24 (NLT) says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
That is a courageous prayer for anyone preparing for marriage because it turns our attention away from evaluating somebody else long enough to allow God to examine us.
Lord, what in me needs to change?
Where am I selfish?
Where am I still carrying hurt that affects the way I love?
Where do I need greater discipline?
Where am I expecting another person to give me something that I should be receiving from You?
You don’t have to become perfect before you get married. If that were the requirement, nobody would ever make it down the aisle. But there is a difference between having areas where you are still growing and refusing to deal with things God has already shown you.
Learn to Be Faithful Before Someone Calls You a Wife
Marriage vows don’t create character. They reveal the need for it.
If you want to be faithful in marriage, practice faithfulness now. If you want to communicate honestly in marriage, practice honesty now. If you want your future home to be financially responsible, learn how to handle money now. If you want prayer to be part of your marriage, don’t wait for a husband before developing a prayer life.
And if you want Jesus Christ to be Head of your marriage, He needs to have authority in your life before you marry.
Jesus says in Luke 6:46 (NLT), “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say?”
That’s a question worth sitting with.
It is easy to say we want a Christ-centered—better yet, Christ-headed—marriage. It is another thing to surrender our choices, habits, attitudes, relationships, bodies, money, and plans to His authority.
You cannot prepare for the headship of Christ in marriage while resisting His headship in your single life.
Make Sure You Understand Covenant
Marriage is not a promise to remain committed as long as the other person continues making you happy.
Feelings matter, but feelings change. There will be seasons of tremendous joy in marriage, and there may also be seasons of disappointment, grief, stress, sickness, financial pressure, exhaustion, or simply the routines of everyday life.
This is part of why choosing wisely matters so much.
Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:6 (NKJV), “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Those are serious words.
Marriage is not something Christians should enter casually with the thought that if it becomes difficult, we can always walk away. At the same time, taking covenant seriously does not mean a person should remain in danger or quietly endure abuse. Covenant should never be used as a weapon to trap someone in violence, coercion, or mistreatment.
Understanding the seriousness of marriage should make us more careful before entering it, not more willing to tolerate what God never required us to tolerate.
Ask Yourself What You Think Marriage Is Going to Give You
This may be one of the harder questions.
What are you expecting marriage to fix?
Loneliness?
Financial insecurity?
Sexual temptation?
Your sense of worth?
The feeling that everybody else has moved forward while you’re still waiting?
Marriage may change some circumstances in your life, but a husband was never designed to take the place that belongs to Jesus Christ.
A man cannot carry the responsibility of making you whole. And you cannot carry that responsibility for him.
Colossians 2:10 (NKJV) tells us, “and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.”
Your completeness is in Christ.
That doesn’t make the desire for marriage wrong. Wanting companionship isn’t wrong. Wanting to share your life with a godly man isn’t wrong. Wanting children and a family isn’t wrong. Marriage is a beautiful gift from God.
But a gift cannot become your god.
When Jesus Christ is Head, marriage takes its proper place. You can deeply love your husband without asking him to become your source. You can enjoy marriage without expecting it to answer every longing in your heart. And you can enter marriage as a woman who already knows where her life comes from.
Prepare for the Marriage You Keep Praying For
If you’ve been praying for a godly husband, it is reasonable to ask what kind of wife you are preparing to become.
Not for some imaginary man. Not because your value depends upon whether somebody chooses you. And not because women have some special obligation to get themselves perfect while men get to show up however they please.
Prepare because you belong to Jesus Christ.
Allow the Holy Spirit to develop your character. Learn how to forgive. Learn how to communicate. Become responsible with what God has already placed in your hands. Deal honestly with the places where you need healing. Learn how to apologize. Strengthen your prayer life. Know God’s Word for yourself. Become increasingly obedient to Christ.
Then, when you’re considering marriage, look for a man who is doing the same.
You are not looking for two finished people. You are looking for two people who understand who their Head is and are willing to keep growing under His authority.
The wedding will be one day.
Marriage, God willing, will be many years.
So enjoy the dress. Enjoy the flowers. Take a ridiculous number of pictures. Celebrate with the people you love and thank God for bringing you to that day.
But prepare for what happens when everybody goes home.
Prepare to love. Prepare to forgive. Prepare to serve and to receive. Prepare to communicate. Prepare to grow. Prepare to keep following Jesus when marriage is wonderful and when marriage requires more of you than you expected.
Before you say “I do,” don’t only ask whether you’re ready to get married.
Ask whether you’re preparing to live as a wife under the headship of Jesus Christ.■
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Before You Say “I Do”: Talk About the Life You’re Actually Going to Build”, written by Alex for https://findchristianman.com, Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!
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