1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT) “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
Imagine being friends with a man that you’re interested in, but you don’t think he’s interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that there’s no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friend’s relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.
I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate we’re currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.
Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, “13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.
Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in God’s wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, “You can’t help who you love.” That’s a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.
God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Yet, most do not love God in this way. They don’t love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.
2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.
Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with God’s Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.
Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasn’t given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. It’s a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. ■
Proverbs 15:13(NLT) says, “A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.” It’s a pretty well-known fact that joy, contentment, and happiness can add tremendously to our lives. When we’re happy and content, those in the medical profession tell us that it can even improve our physical health. There’s a glow about us when we feel all is well with our worlds, and this is magnified exponentially when we’ve found that special one. When our significant relationships are going well, and things are progressing in a very pleasing way, we are in our happy zone like never before. We wear a smile as bright as the prettiest ornament on a Christmas tree. But when the ‘boo’ is not as pleasing as he once was, or he’s missing in action, that happy face turns upside down, and we forget about what it is to have a glad heart. We have to know that this isn’t what God wants for us.
When you are dating a man that isn’t yet your husband, and he hasn’t given you an indication that he wants to be, you must be careful about how you invest in this relationship. Contrary to what the world and society want people to think, a boyfriend is just that. He’s a male that is your friend. That “male-friend” status should not give him a suggestion or assumption that he can assume the rights of a husband, but not the responsibility. The only one that can make this distinction clear to him is you.
I attended an event with a friend at her request. The man she’s been dating on-and-off for years changed his mind at the last moment and would not accompany her. Many of us can relate to her disappointment. Often, she has envisioned him publicly demonstrating his commitment to her as they walk together arm in arm, but continually she is disappointed. Does he have someone else? This is the question so many of us deny and excuse away. We refuse to accept that we’re being deceived and perhaps used, and we continue to accept the man’s behavior.
As women, we know what it feels like to be truly appreciated and valued. We understand that when a man has good intentions towards a relationship with us, he will make himself available to spend quality time in our company. He’ll make us feel special and that we’re one of the most important people in his life. Most of us go out of our way to make the significant male-friend in our lives feel that way, why would we accept less than we’re willing and capable of giving? We do ourselves a great disservice by behaving this way, because here’s the reality; if we’ll accept crumbs, crumbs are all we will get.
It’s certainly plausible that a man that causes us to have a sad face and a broken heart more than he causes a happy face and joyful heart may be involved with someone else. Many women are in denial about this, and because they are closing their minds and hearts to the truth, there’s no opening for wisdom to get in. Most of us desire the opportunity to walk together with someone in a relationship that is blessed with the liberty of Christ, where there’s no mess and heavy baggage weighing it down. Well, how can we have this without the truth?
Jesus Christ said in John 8:32(NLT), “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” We can’t have a relationship where Jesus Christ is the head without knowing God’s truth. God tells us in Proverbs 4:5 to get wisdom and develop good judgment. Good judgment is honoring ourselves as God’s beloved daughters who deserve His best. It’s not putting our heads in the sand and denying the fact that we’re allowing ourselves to want someone that doesn’t truly honor who we are. We’re being lied to and manipulated, and that is not God’s Will for any of His daughters.
God’s Will for our lives is to give us a blessed future and an ever-expanding hope. He is full of mercy and grace, and He requires us to have faith in Him to present us with a man that will love us through the love of Christ. Some of us have been so bamboozled by counterfeits that we have forgotten what a good man is. Let’s go to God’s Word and be in prayer that Heavenly Father etches His Will upon our hearts and minds. We must not want less for ourselves than what He desires to give us. Wanting the best for your life is never about ego. It’s about trusting that the man God wants for you will inspire and uplift you, so that you can be all that God created you to be. If you’re confident you have the capacity and desire to do the same for him, don’t accept less. ■
Luke 12:48 (NLT) “But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return’ and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.”
It’s no secret that there are many believers that have been praying to cross paths with their future spouses. Some are exasperated because they believe they’re no closer to finding this person than they were when they first prayed about it. Saved or not, many people blame God when things do not work out for them. They think that God is withholding the blessings they desire most, but nothing could be further from the truth. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t withhold blessings from His children. So, if marriage is something we desire, we’d do ourselves the greatest favor if we strike this notion from our minds, and free up that mental space for our faith to grow.
Genesis 1:28 makes it clear that God has placed the authority and dominion for successful living into the hands of human beings. Adam and Eve lost this authority and dominion when they bowed to satan, but God sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to restore it. Our Master Jesus tells us in John 10:10 that satan came to the earth to steal, kill, and destroy our lives. If we continue to perpetuate the disobedience against God as Adam and Eve did, we will remain under the devil’s realm of darkness. But if we accept the Lord Jesus Christ and all that God accomplished through him, we can have a life that is more than abundant.
Most of us would be satisfied with just living abundantly, but Ephesians 3:20(NKJV) tells us, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” Our Heavenly Father deals in the “exceedingly abundantly”. This is the overflowing reality that He has made available to us in life. The problem is that most of us do not believe this, and we are not praying to our Heavenly Father to receive a revelation of all that Christ accomplished for us. Whether we know it or not, having a clear understanding about God’s nature, His incredible love for us, and our identity in Christ is our first responsibility to the faith. God requires this from us, and it should be our priority above any other thing.
In Luke 12:48, Jesus Christ is teaching about responsibility and accountability. He is motivating believers to understand the significance of our actions, because our choices and decisions in life have molded and shaped the reality we are facing today. We want to blame God for our predicaments and say that He has not seen fit to bless us, but the truth is that we each are blessed immeasurably more than we can imagine. So, the question isn’t a matter of whether we are blessed, it’s a matter that is solely based on how we have used what God has given.
He has blessed us in such a way that we can operate out of His overflow. 2Corinthians 9:8(NLT) tells us, “And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.” The purpose of God’s blessing is never to hoard it for ourselves, but to generously share it with others. All of this is ordained by Him for the uplifting of His Kingdom and glory, and the accountability for not doing this in the way that God requires must be acknowledged, accepted, and repented.
God set up the foundation of this world through His brilliance, power, and love. From the very beginning, He abundantly poured into our lives, and He commands us to live a life of giving and loving others through His love. This is our responsibility, and it will never be altered. We cannot ignore this aspect of God’s plan.
Accountability and responsibility to God demands us to look at how we honor God’s goodness and kindness. We must look at how we’ve obeyed His Word and whether we’ve yielded our entire lives to Him. In truth, many of us have yielded our lives to the man, and by giving our bodies to men outside the boundaries of marriage, we have proven our willingness to choose the man over God.
We must show our humility to honor God’s requirement. He is not withholding a loving spouse from anyone. He has empowered us to reign in life through the example of Jesus Christ. He’s given us the power to make choices and decisions that will magnetize us to His blessings, but these blessings are contained in Jesus Christ. This means that the degree to which we live abundantly is in direct proportion to the degree to which we live God’s Word and live according to the example of Jesus Christ.
From the beginning, God gave us free-will choice. From the beginning, He expressed His overwhelming love for us, and from the beginning, He empowered us to have success in our lives. He has made it very plain to us in Luke 12:48 that “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return’ and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” God has given us liberty in Christ, and He’s given us a purpose within His divine plan. Focus your every effort on laying up treasures that can be stored in heaven. Pray for greater revelation regarding your call and be more committed to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. When the Father sees our commitment to honor Him in this way, He will be pleased, and we will witness the exceedingly abundantly in every aspect of our lives. ■
Jesus Christ has shown us that love requires sacrifice. He left his Father’s throne of immeasurable glory and splendor to come to earth. He came on a mission from God to save humankind. Our King was born in a manger, and this demonstrates his incredible humility. At any moment during his time on earth, he could have summoned a legion of angels at his side. He said in Matthew 26:53(NIV), “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” 12 legions is 72,000 angels. They would have been by his side in less time than a blink of an eye, but he didn’t summon them. He knew that sacrificing his life was his mission and endured the cross because of his overwhelming love for every person. Jesus Christ revealed the perfect and pure love of God, who sacrificed His one and only begotten Son for us all.
Jesus Christ has shown us the way to live through God’s love. His example is the one we must follow because he’s given us the standard of love that pleases God. It’s God’s standard of love, and it causes us to live according to God’s purpose. As women of faith, sometimes we underestimate God’s allegiance to His standards, and we have a mindset of accepting less than what God wants to give us. This is especially true in our desire for a real and lasting significant relationship.
God commands in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is God’s standard for the way a man should love his wife. This level of devotion sets the kind of loyalty and respect that all men should have for all women. It also sets the bar for the expectation of any woman praying to be a wife. As a woman, you can’t build this kind of capacity in a man. He should have it when you meet him.
I have a friend that was very sick with the flu. She sounded as bad as she was feeling. It was apparent she was having a rough time with it, and I was surprised to hear that she was handling things on her own. She rekindled a relationship with a male friend that she dated a while ago. Things were going well for the last few months, but her bout with the flu brought out something that was apparent to everyone but her. When I asked, she told me that her boyfriend knew how ill she was, but he didn’t come by, not even once. She said to me, “He did offer to bring me some soup, but I didn’t want to be a burden, so I told him not to bother.”
There’s a fundamental truth that every woman must know; if you accept it, that is all you will get. Some of us expect that our love will make a man gain a greater capacity to love overnight. It simply isn’t true. Only the love of God can transform a person, and to love God is to do what He says. 1John 2:5(NLT) tells us, “But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him.” As women of faith, this must be the foundation of all that we do.
God expects us to expand in Christ with each passing day. This means that we are loving others greater through him. In other words, our capacity to love and walk with power increases as we grow in Christ. This is God’s standard, and it is one in which we will never have to make excuses for a man that isn’t loving us the way he should. If we make a place in our hearts for a man that isn’t giving us the love we deserve—the love we are capable and willing to give him, then we’re throwing out the welcome mat for heartache and pain. When it comes to real love, don’t accept a little dab here and a little dab there. Christ made a way for us to live through his love, and this is the way we should choose.
Fully knowing and appreciating the sacrifice of Christ gives us the lens by which we can love and be loved. Loving and living through Jesus Christ will give us the wisdom to know that a man may not have a fancy job title or big bank account; what matters is that he has a big heart and sees loving you as one of the greatest blessings of his life. God says you deserve this. You should believe it, and never accept less. ■
Walking almost a mile in the snow, Mel’s feet were frozen stiff, and she thought to herself more than once, “I can’t feel my toes anymore!” She scolded herself for wearing her cute boots instead of the ones Michael had recommended for snowy weather. He was trekking almost twenty feet ahead of her, but Mel was too tired and cold to be angry that Michael had left her behind. He, on the other hand, was still fuming and giving her a serious silent treatment. The airport was small, and there wasn’t much in the way of businesses nearby, that’s why Michael had stressed the need to double-check their reservations. Not a fan of cold weather, Mel wasn’t gung ho about the trip in the first place, but she honestly thought she had made the reservations. As it turned out, she didn’t, and they were stranded at the airport on the busiest day of the year.
Michael’s favorite cousin was getting married in a small town in upstate New York, and because he refused to wait any longer, they ended up walking to the nearest car rental office. The entire way, Michael didn’t say a word to her, not even when they finally got a rental and made it to the hotel. He warmed up and spoke two or three words to her once they were settled in a bit, but all Mel could think about was that long, cold mile. Michael didn’t turn his head once to see if she was okay, and it broke her heart.
They’d been together a little over six months. Things were progressing beautifully, and Mel had begun to imagine what being ‘Mrs. Melody Bryant’ would be like. Michael is a firefighter. He’s very attractive, and up until their trip together, he had totally swept Mel off her feet. They met after his move from Maryland to Atlanta, and they both threw out the welcome mat and made space for each other to comfortably fit into their individual lives. They wanted to be open to each other because they wanted to be together. Michael had met Mel’s mother, stepfather, and two sisters, and the family was ecstatic that they were a couple.
Their faces were all Mel thought about as she contemplated how to handle the incredible hurt and disappointment she was now feeling. On so many occasions, Michael’s kindness had left her speechless, but he wasn’t who she thought he was, and nothing would ever be the same. She left before his cousin’s wedding, and for the next few weeks, she did everything she could to disconnect from Michael.
Jesus Christ teaches us in John 10:10(ESV), “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Jesus Christ wants us to know that we have an enemy, and he wants to steal and destroy our blessings, and he wants to kill and destroy us. This may sound ominous and scary to some, but regardless of how it sounds, it is the truth. We must be spiritually prepared to stand back to back with our partner, both man and woman must be fully equipped with the spiritual armor God provides. It’s not a game, it’s serious business. We have a spiritual enemy, and human weapons will not cut it when it comes to battling evil.
We have such difficulty in relationships because when we get into them, many of us fail to build them on a foundation of God’s strength and power. We do not place Jesus Christ in his rightful position as the head of all our unions, and this is a big mistake. Ephesians 1:22(NLT) says, “God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church.” There is no equal in all eternity to the power and authority that God has given His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. We desperately need this power in our relationships. And to be clear, we need this power to recognize the person God sends.
The disappointment and pain we experience when a relationship is derailed can send us into emotional shock. We don’t know how to handle it because our faith in God isn’t where it needs to be. Someone has done something to undermine our confidence and greatly diminish our clarity. We no longer have what we thought we did, and this can be emotionally overwhelming.
Many women have been in Mel’s position and handled the situation quite differently. Some of them might have made excuses for Michael’s behavior and said, “It’s been a long day, and he’s just tired and upset. He’ll get over it.” Others would have given Michael a piece of their minds. They would have met his attitude with an even saucier one. With Mel, there was something deeper going on. Her biological father was an alcoholic whose angry tirades made their lives horrible when she was a child. She remembered the look on his face when he was about to blow, and Michael’s anger gave her a glimpse of that.
After weeks of him trying to connect with her, Mel finally agreed to meet Michael. It was on a Saturday afternoon, and she arrived at the coffee shop intentionally early, so she’d have an opportunity to settle herself before he arrived. Mel was more nervous and emotional than she could remember, and the flipflopping in her belly had been non-stop for the last two days. Michael, the sweetest man she thought she had ever known had revealed a mean streak. It was biting and vengeful, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was only the tip of an iceberg. She dreaded the thought of discovering that he had only been pretending over the last several months and that allowing him in her life had been a big mistake.
Significant relationships have a tremendous impact on our lives. The wrong person can cause more damage than we can imagine, and they can be used to undermine our relationship with God. Causing a wedge between us and our faith in God is the enemy’s aim, and if we allow an opening, he will weaponize the people we love and use them against us. The best thing that we can do for ourselves is to not allow this opening for enemy attack. We can be preemptive by letting the Spirit guide us according to God’s Will. Jesus Christ tells us in John 16:13(NLT), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” As women, we must understand with crystal clarity that romance cannot replace the truth. With any significant relationship, we must pray continually for wisdom and good judgement, and when the Spirit reveals the truth, we must have the courage to accept it.
Sometimes, we need to be alone with God and ourselves only, and we have to do this for a while in order to come to a place of clarity, and it’s a kind of clarity that only the Holy Spirit can give. This is the gift Mel gave to herself. It was one of the most challenging things she had ever done, because she wanted Michael in her life, and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to let him go.
He walked into the coffee shop, and the sound of his greeting was calm and warm, and she thought she’d melt, but she refused to betray herself in that moment. Mel was prayed up, and her inner pleas were for the Lord to strengthen her and give her the right words to say. He did. After an hour or so of easing in, they talked about that night, when she left him before his cousin’s wedding. Until that moment, she had not realized how deeply it hurt him. They had both punished each other, and only the Lord Jesus Christ could help them heal and grow in His love.
Significant relationships that can potentially lead to marriage are filled with bliss, but they can also reveal characteristics in the other person that are immature, toxic, and very challenging to deal with. Can we successfully navigate through these? Absolutely, but not without Jesus Christ. God has a plan for our marital partnership, and He will send the right person. The very best scenario is to pray and ask the Lord to grow you up in Christ before you meet him, so that you can be spiritually prepared to faith your way through any obstacles.■
One of my co-workers is a born-again believer, and he’s 37, single, attractive, and financially secure. I was being a bit brazen one day and asked him if he ever wanted to get married. He answered, “Yes, when I find the right one.” I thought to myself, “Isn’t that what most single men say?” I have no doubt that he was being sincere, but I must admit that this response and attitude of many single men still baffles me. What’s the criteria they’re holding for “the right one”? Is it based on the standards that God has set in His Word, or is it based on a physical attraction that immediately sparks a response of his flesh? Is he looking for both those things or is he blinded by a refusal to be humble and allow God to direct this area of his life?
He may not have given much thought to how he defines “the right one”, but as a woman wanting to partner, you must be keenly interested in why he thinks he hasn’t met her. We shouldn’t be under any delusions about their pickiness here. Men need companionship as much as women. They are innately aware that they need the nurturing of women to live the more than abundantly life that Jesus Christ made available. If it were available for them to have this level of living without women, Adam would never have needed Eve, but the reality is that Adam did need Eve. And men do need women. This is the Will of God.
Genesis 2:20(NLT) tells us, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God’s brilliance and the perfection of provision dictated that Adam needed a helper, and part of Adam’s responsibility would be to care for her as well. Nothing about the way God set this up has changed. In Genesis 2:24(NLT), God said “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Whether we accept it or not, this is the Will of God concerning the marriage of a man and woman, and His blessing hinges on the condition that His Word is honored and respected.
Of course, every man and woman have the free-will choice to decide the person that they will marry, but if we ask God, He will send the person that HE has ordained to be just right for us. However, the reality is that most of us don’t ask Him, and we don’t extend an invitation for Him to be Lord over this aspect of our lives. God will not interfere with our relationship decisions without an invitation from us. He will never overstep our free-will choice. We get to decide if we want and will follow His guidance. History has proven how devastating the results can be in marriage when a couple doesn’t invite God into their unions. They fail to submit to His leadership through the Lord Jesus Christ, and the results of this is catastrophic.
An excuse to be selfish The issue is not about a man finding the right one. The issue is whether he will recognize the woman God sends. For him to recognize her, his eyes must be open. For his eyes to be open, he should be seeking the Lord about it. Jesus Christ said in Luke 11:9-10(NLT), “9 And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Our Heavenly Father gives good and perfect gifts, and He knows exactly how to provide for us. It is necessary that we humble ourselves in honor of His perfection, brilliance, and power, and seek Him for ALL things.
Many physically mature men have never been married. They are financially stable, intelligent, affable, and have great relationships. They are perfectly able to share their lives, generosity, loyalty, and love with a woman in the Spirit of Christ, but they refuse to do this. An expanding bank balance, a satisfactory level of success, a comfortable lifestyle, and a fear that someone might jeopardize these things makes many men lock- on to selfishness with a death grip.
God blesses us so that we can be a blessing to His Will and to the lives of others. Sadly, many men do not view this as their responsibility to Christ. Instead of being committed to obedience and faith in God, they choose selfishness as a device to appease their insecurities about money and preserve their way of life. They use their singleness to shield themselves from the commitment of truly sharing their lives with a woman, and they often see their single status as a license to try on several women like new pairs of shoes.
This is a form of exploitation, and it is in no way Godly. As women of faith, we need to see it coming a mile away. We should not yield to it, neither should we attempt to do it ourselves. There’s a right way to find the right fit, and it is to seek God and make sure our actions are guided by Him.
An excuse to play around 1Corinthians 7:32-35(NLT) gives us wisdom for understanding God’s Will. It says, “32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”
The wisdom of this passage teaches us God’s standard for marital conduct. It teaches us that marriage is a gift. It’s God’s way of providing companionship but it is also a way of keeping us from sexual immorality, because that stuff just wrecks the lives of people. It takes them further away from God rather than closer to Him and His blessings. Our Heavenly Father made it clear in 1Corinthians 7:32-35 that the only acceptable reason a man would remain single is that God has ordained him for the purpose of being totally sold out to ministry. Women are just as much God’s treasures as men, and neither a man nor a woman should ever use their single status as an excuse to play around with God’s treasures.
Jesus Christ commanded us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This is the only acceptable way to love God. Well, how do we accomplish it? 1John 5:3(NLT) declares, “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.” Our need and desire for companionship must never be above our allegiance to honor God and do what He says.
The right one for all of us is forever and always Jesus Christ. He’s the one to give us marital unity and longevity, and our commitment to honor him allows us to walk in his love, strength, and power. We have made relationships way more complicated than God ever intended. We can’t navigate this rocky terrain without His help. We desperately need His guidance, so we should never try to take things into our own hands by leaning on our own understanding. That’s not a winning strategy. 1John 5:4 tells us that every person in life will defeat the plots and tricks of evil, and we will do this, not by selfishness or a need to control, but by the victory that is achieved through our faith in God. So, if a man is truly waiting to find the right one, he should be seeking God’s guidance. Most importantly, he should never allow his single status to be a detriment to any woman’s life or to his own with relationship with God and standing in Christ.■
Psalm 37:4(NKJV) “Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” This verse signals us to delight in our Lord but many believers don’t take him up on it. We don’t because too many of us get disappointed and let down if we think God takes too long to bless us with what we believe we deserve.”
In 1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT), the Apostle Paul told the believers in Thessalonica, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” Paul understood firsthand about the challenges that were facing those who followed Christ, and the commandment to them is to believers living today as well. Although most of us don’t face death on a daily basis as the believers did in biblical days, we still face some really tough challenges in our day and time. One of them is being single in what seems like a sea of men that have no interest in marriage whatsoever.
Philippians 2:3 tells us not to do anything out of rivalry or conceit, instead we are to be humble and put the benefit of others over ourselves. How many of us have done this or have the attitude of humility and selflessness that this verse conveys? Most of us know a single person that has a heart to be married, and they’ve been praying to God for the opportunity for a while. Although they may not express it to us, there are scars from enduring one relationship disappointment after the other. The loneliness of being single longer than you’d like can press up against your faith at times. It can be a struggle to remain encouraged, especially when it feels as though you’re not making progress, and no one seems to understand your pain.
As believers, we have a responsibility to encourage others. Whether we are single or married, those that are spiritually mature should encourage those that are endeavoring to increase their believing towards marriage. Again, sometimes being single is not an easy road. Hearing positive and uplifting encouragement to fight the good fight of faith is a gift to single individuals struggling to stay the course.
If you’re a single person, you might be thinking, “I need encouragement myself.” The answer to this is to give what you desire to receive. This kind of giving and unselfish attitude is what God expects from each of us. It’s how we show His love to others, and we should make it a priority to do this daily.
There are different kinds of love, and romantic or eros love is what many singles crave. This kind of love comes from physical attraction. It’s the sensual intimacy that a husband and wife share and initially it is expressed through romance. Although this kind of love is meaningful to a marriage, it is not enough to sustain and maintain a marital union. We must be extremely clear about this. God’s love is agape love, and His love is the one on which all other kinds of love must hinge.
God’s divine love is the kind of love that He has for all of us, and He requires us to have it for Him. We have been empowered by Jesus Christ to love God the way He wants. Romans 5:5(NLT) says, “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” The Holy Spirit abides within us and he fills our hearts with God’s love. We are full to running over, and the question for us is whether we’re pouring out to others what God has poured into us.
There is no doubt that if we are saved and Holy Spirit filled through Jesus Christ, we have God’s love in us. So, we have the ability and capacity to give it away, and this is what God expects. Many of us want to jump right into eros love, because it tickles the flesh, but that is not the way of a spiritually mature believer, and we must be spiritually mature to partner in marriage. As men and women that aspire to be all that God has called us to be, we should develop a daily maintenance plan for our souls. We should continually and freely extend to others what has so freely been extended to us through Jesus Christ.
If we keep holding on to the love of God within, and we neglect to share it abundantly, we are missing opportunities to lay up treasures. We’re not being the kind of blessing that we can and should be. Let’s not do this. Real love is agape love. It’s God’s love that He has placed within His kids through His Holy Spirit. We need to learn more about the nature of God’s love, so that we continuously put it on in our hearts and minds.
All of us should want a spouse that loves us through Christ, because this is the only love that has the glue to hold a marriage together. So, lets make spiritual maturity a consistent prayer request, and let’s be diligent to unselfishly and lovingly encourage singles to stay prayerful and never lose faith in God. We need this ourselves, and we are equipped and will be blessed for extending it to others. ■
Psalm 84:11(NLT) “For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.”
So, your boyfriend has told you that he wants to take a break, and you’re looking at him like, “Have you lost your mind?!!!” You’ve been together for two years, invested your affection, time, and resources, and he has decided that it’s not working for him. You want an explanation, right. You want to know why he allowed you to think that everything was hunky dory, and that the possibility of marriage might be somewhere down the road. You want to know why he kept taking everything you offered and never once hinted that it wasn’t enough for him or that he wasn’t happy. This man looked you in the eye and said that he needed to be out of your presence and away from your life, and he can’t even tell you exactly why.
This is hurt, frustration, anger, insecurity, and bewilderment all rolled into one. Added to this is the curiosity about what’s really going on with him. Were you duped and didn’t have a clue? Were you completely unaware of who this man really is? The questions are endless, and most of us will spend an enormous amount of time racking our brains about it. We do this because rejection knocks the wind out of our sails. It batters our self-esteem and makes us insecure about the choices and decisions we make.
When something like this occurs, we might question God and ask Him what in the world happened. We thought this man was a keeper, and we could visualize spending our lives together. We thought things were going to work out and never saw the ask for a break coming. Well, there’s a saying that we shouldn’t cry over spilled milk. The milk is on the floor, no longer drinkable, and crying will not reverse the outcome. We know this on the surface, but we’re emotional creatures. Crying over relationship issues is a common response. However, we must be confident that crying about it isn’t the only response.
We should give ourselves a short window to cry our eyes out over the relationship gone wrong, but we should also put a time limit on those tears. We most move from crying over spilled milk to formulating a plan to elevate ourselves spiritually and increase our faith.
When things don’t go right for our lives, we cry out to the Lord because we know that something is wrong. We seek Him because we’re stressed, and we don’t know how things got out of alignment. In the Old Testament, this is the situation God’s people were in when they began to cry out to Him for help. Their hearts were not with God, but they still went through the motions of worship. He was not pleased, so the release they expected didn’t materialize. God rejected their offerings and worship. He rejected their praise, and in Malachi 2:14-15(NLT), He told the men, “14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the LORD accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. 15 Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”
The lives of God’s people got away from them because they failed to guard their hearts. This is a powerful lesson for those of us living today. To guard your heart is to make sure your faith in God remains strong. Then unexpected situations of disappointment and heartache will not leave you with the emotional instability of anxiety. You will not allow the impulses of panic and obsession to make you do things you know you shouldn’t do.
Philippians 4:6-7(ESV) states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” To be anxious is to be overwhelmed by fears and insecurities. Anxiety is a refusal to be at peace about situations we can’t control. It can be gut-wrenching and overwhelming, and it also shows us the areas in our lives where we are not allowing God’s love to rule. He tells us not to be anxious. This is a direct commandment. Instead, we are to pray to Him in faith, with thanksgiving.
Faith and gratitude to God is the strategy that He has given us for successful living. And the faith and gratitude that He has outlined in Philippians 4:6-7 is the appropriate response to disappointment, heartbreak, and any other adversity we face. Heavenly Father instructs us to tell Him what our needs are, and to do so with faith and gratitude in our hearts. When we do this, His peace will overcome our anxieties and comfort our hearts and minds.
Relationship mistakes and the outcomes they bring are notoriously hurtful. They can set us back in many ways, but this will not happen if we strive to increase our faith in God. We must place more effort in trusting our Heavenly Father than we do in our feelings and thoughts of abandonment and despair. The root of our heartache and disappointment is a fear that we may not ever receive the kind of relationship we desire. Our Heavenly Father allowed this fear to be exposed so that we can see it for what it is and overcome it. God will not keep a good thing from you. He will help you to grow in His love so that you recognize the blessing He sends, and most importantly, so that you continue to keep your relationship with Him the greatest priority of your life.■
Lately, my youngest daughter has been singing a familiar tune around the house. It’s new to her but not to me. It’s an oldie but goodie, and it encourages us not to worry about a thing, because everything is going to be alright. When I asked my daughter how she knew the song, she said her teacher sings it with them at the beginning of their class. “It gets us motivated in the mornings.” She said. Whenever her classmates feel like something isn’t working out, they sing that song to themselves. I thought to myself that if kids that young are learning how to motivate themselves to get beyond the challenges they face, as adults, we have no excuse.
There’s no question about it, life gives us a workout. It can take you to the brink of wanting to give up. Your brain is tired, your body is tired, and your emotions are teetering on breakdown. When you’re at this point, you don’t want to think about anything, and you certainly don’t want to hear that you need to change in some way. You might think, “Lord, if I hear one more person tell me there’s something about myself that needs to change or that I need to change my thoughts, I’m going to scream.” You might know at least a dozen people that have been the same folks they’ve always been. They’ve had annoying and negative qualities ever since you’ve known them. They haven’t changed one bit, yet they seem to be just as blessed as they want to be.
It might seem that God is picking on you, because life just doesn’t want to cooperate when you desperately need it to. Relationship breakups, meeting men that seem nice at first but quickly lose interest and enduring those long stretches of loneliness can take a toll on your self-esteem. You don’t believe you have it in you to keep pushing and pressing, and you don’t want to hear about one more thing you have to change in order to be someone’s wife.
Believe it or not, these are normal responses. Most people don’t like change, and they are not fans of holding themselves up to the scrutiny of higher standards. But this is unavoidable in the Christian walk, because the Christian walk is about growth, and the higher standard is set by the example of Christ. The first thing you must know is that you really can’t compare the journey that God has set for you with someone else’s spiritual journey. You might think that others are not enduring the same frustrations and challenges that you are, but that isn’t true. Life forces everyone to grow whether they want to or not. This is the way God created life to operate, and there isn’t anything that anyone can do to change it, nor should we want to. Anything that doesn’t grow will die. So, if we’re not thriving in Christ, growing to be more like him every day, then we’re on the losing side.
In Romans 12:2(NIV), God tells us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” It isn’t God’s Word that is making us feel exhausted and disillusioned with life. It is the cares of the world that is doing this to us. Our Heavenly Father warns us not to get boggled down with that stuff. He commands us to renew our minds by changing the way we think. We will never get away from this process. You will never get to a point where you know enough about Christ. And you will never get done with having to deal with some of the discomfort of finding out things about yourself that aren’t pretty and then having to change them. God’s Will for you is to keep learning more about Jesus Christ so you can line up with his example.
Galatians 1:4 tells us that Jesus Christ gave himself for our sins in order to rescue us from this present evil age because this was the Will of our Father. God is cleaning us up because we need to be cleaned up, and we couldn’t possibly do it ourselves. He is preparing us for the treasure we’re slated to receive, and we need to let Him do this. We have to know that it’s going to require us to be flexible and agile, not stiff and hardened against what God is doing in our hearts through His Holy Spirit.
He tells us in Ephesians 4:23 to be made new in the spirit of our minds. This is a process, and it is a ‘reprogramming to God’s Word’ that will run throughout the rest of our lives. God commands us in Ephesians 5:8 to walk as children of light, and He is committed to helping us do this. Our problem is that we don’t believe God is helping us in a way that will yield a beautiful blessing. We call His glorious process of transformation a burden, yet when the world demands that we change to meet its standard, we’ll spend all types of money for a new fix. We have to change our priorities.
God tells us in Galatians 6:9(NIV), “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” The reason that God encourages us not to give up is because many of us are in fact weary in doing good. We want the pleasure without the sacrifice. We must turn our weariness to excitement and faith, because our God is a Rewarder to those that diligently seek Him. If we continue to press, we will receive the treasure.
Don’t look at what others are doing or what they may or may not be going through. They are not you. They don’t have the destiny you have. Keep your eyes stayed on Jesus Christ. They can’t have your prize and you can’t have theirs. What God has for you is indeed for you. Allow Him to condition you. Lean on God and let Him show you what He will do. You may feel as though you’re at the brink of exhaustion in every way but take pleasure in the “YOU” that you are becoming. Your treasure is worth it, and so are you.■
A couple that met each other in the workplace recently announced their engagement. They’re both in their early 40’s and have been dating a little over a year. After hearing the news, Steven, a colleague and friend, said to me, “I would never get into a serious relationship with anyone I work with!” The firmness in his statement led me to inquire why he felt this way. He replied, “I think it’s just too much pressure and discomfort on one another if something goes wrong, and things don’t end up working out.” I certainly understood where he was coming from, but I was a bit surprised to hear his point of view. He is an optimistic person of faith and has encouraged me and others that with God, all things are possible. I was struck that in the area of relationships, he chose to see the limitations rather than the opportunities.
Jeremiah 17:7-8(NLT), “7 But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”
Someone asked me, “How do I know that my faith is in God and not in the wrong thing?” Jeremiah 17:7 answers this question beautifully. It tells us that blessings come to those who trust in God, and it also tells us that trusting in God means that we have made HIM our hope and confidence. When we make God our hope and confidence, the ultimate result is always going to be good. We can trust this because our Heavenly Father told us in Romans 8:28(NIV), “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Loving God means being obedient to His Word and walking according to His purpose. When He’s our central focus in this way, we’ll correctly discern a blessing from a trick.
When other things are our hope and confidence, those things take centerstage. We think about them continually, and we feel that our lives are less than what God has made them because we don’t have the things we desire. Feeling that way means we need to pray more and shift our focus back to God.
Our Heavenly Father set up the pattern for what makes a relationship work. He did this from the very beginning, and we can have a good visual of it from learning from the relationship He had with Adam and Eve. He walked with them daily and was delighted to do so. He demonstrated to us that just as communion and communication are a vital part of our relationship with each other, they are an extremely important part of our relationship with Him. He is the Creator of all that exists, and when we think about this, we might find it hard to believe that God wants an intimate relationship with us, but that is why He created us. He wanted a family. He wanted children and we’re it. So, a commitment of quality time to talk and fellowship with God one-on-one is critical to sustain the kind of relationship with Him that He wants.
As women that are not yet at the end of the manifestation process of crossing paths with our destiny partners, we understand Steve’s thinking about how tricky relationships can be. Many of us have had our share of toads. Initially, we thought they were princes, but came to find out they were not the one for us. These situations can be devastatingly disappointing, and they often cause heartbreak that is challenging to get over. We want to be as far away from the person that has broken our hearts as possible, and we certainly don’t want to have to see them every day at work.
Jeremiah 17:8 gives us just the perspective we need on this. It tells us that when God is our hope and confidence, our roots will reach deep into Him, and we won’t be bothered by the heat or droughts. Heavenly Father is not a God that fails; He’s a God that always leads us forward and higher in blessings and spiritual growth! Being in a relationship with God means that He is going to grow us up in Him. It means that even if you’ve experienced situations that didn’t turn out as you expected, and even if you feel you’re in a drought and don’t see anyone that comes close to being your prince, you will not let yourself wallow in sadness. You will not let your heart be troubled because you know beyond knowing that God is faithful to His promises.
Jeremiah 17:8 also provides another key to remaining in faith. It says our leaves remain green. They don’t wither because of conditions of heat or drought. For those of us that are like trees planted by the river, our leaves don’t wither because we are committed to continue producing fruit. This is where many have fell off the wagon. When our confidence is misplaced, we stop concentrating on pleasing God by producing fruit. Instead, we concentrate on loneliness and lack. Or we concentrate on the man we think is the one and try to put God in second place. That will never work. Ministering the Word to others, being a blessing to their lives, helping those in need, sharing the Good News and encouraging those within our span of influence, good deeds like these are our fruit. They prove that our confidence is in God. Our focus must be to continue producing and laying up treasures as Christ has instructed us.
When our hope and confidence is firmly placed in God, we are not worried about the heat or the drought. We are in a posture of walking with Him and waiting to hear His instructions and directions. God is in the business of making your desires a reality. The fruition of your blessing is between you and God, and no one else can make your dreams come true except Him. Don’t be afraid to let go of past mistakes, expectations, and anything else that blocks you from trusting Him. Have confidence that whether its at work, in the grocery store, in church or fellowship, at the gym, or anyplace else, God has appointed the time and place of every blessing that happens in your life. When your relationship is tight with Him, there’s no way that you’ll miss what He has for you.■
Find A Christian Man 