Find A Christian Man

Author: findchristianman

Stop Mourning What Could Have Been

One of the things we do when we’re in a relationship is reshuffle our lives to make room for the new man. Most of us see this as a welcomed change, and we’re happy to do it, but when the relationship doesn’t go as expected, it can be very challenging. On top of the heartache we’re experiencing, we must do even more reshuffling. We have to acclimate ourselves to the reality of our disappointment while trying not to miss a beat with the other important things in our lives. Even though most of us will try to smooth over the gaps that were left vacant by the absence of this person, things can’t go back to the way they were. Try as we might to get back to that place, we just can’t. This can be very difficult for us to accept, especially when we’re facing the holidays.

For most of us, the holiday season comes with both its share of joys and stresses. There are increased demands on our time with family and work gatherings, and not only this, there’s the pressure of gift giving on our finances. Of course, the joys far exceed the angst. It’s a beautiful season that reminds us of warm coziness, closeness with those we love, and most importantly, remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. All of us want it to be a celebratory time that we share with that special someone, but not having this person in our lives shouldn’t be a game changer.

There are some truths that we as believers must accept, and one of them is that everything, every detail, from the smallest to the greatest, happens for a reason. Heavenly Father created us in such a way that we change, evolve, and grow through knowledge and experiences. He tells us in Ephesians 4:23(NIV), “to be made new in the attitude of your minds;” In Romans 12:2(NIV), He said, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This means that we ought to learn lessons of wisdom from our mistakes and change our thoughts and attitudes so that we’re better from our breakups and not worse. Our goal through every success and disappointment should be to excel in Christ, because as we learn more about him, we are transformed into the person God created us to be.

This doesn’t happen all at once. After we’re born-again through Christ, our spiritual journey in him begins. It’s never a backward regression. In the realm of God, there is only one trajectory, forward and upward. As we walk in the Holy Spirit and allow him to teach us about Jesus Christ, we’ll go higher and higher. It is awesomely important that we trust this truth, because it will help to build our faith. It will help us to be anchored in the truth that although things didn’t turn out the way we wanted, God’s plan for us is not deterred. He will cause all things to work together for our good.

Some of us are very tempted to let a breakup send us backwards, but our faith in God ought to be anchored in what He’s doing now and what He will do in the future. We want to go back to who we used to be, or we want the man back in our lives so things will be as they were. We should never want to go back because there’s too much to look forward to.

The children of Israel living in Old Testament times are an example of the wrong attitude and mindset. In Numbers 14:22-23(NIV), God said, “Not one of those who saw my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times—not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it.” God’s people were forbidden to see the Promised Land because they refused to believe that their latter days would be better than their former days. They wouldn’t trust that God would increase them as they pursued His Will and promises in faith. Instead, they cowered in fear and doubt, complained, and wandered around in the wilderness. We should never allow this to be said of us.

John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He gave us His only begotten Son. He gifted to all of us the most precious offering He could make. At God’s appointed time, something new and extraordinarily wonderful came into the world. This is the God we serve, and it is something to celebrate every day. We’re not the same person we were, and that’s nothing to be sad about. We learned how flexible and strong we are when we have to be. Don’t constantly make a memorial of your past at the expense of your future. With God, all things are possible, and when we make Him the focus, we can stop mourning what could have been and prepare to embrace the newness of what will be.■

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Stop Mourning What Could Have Been”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 6, 2021
Yes, I Called Him First

The internet has drastically changed many aspects of our lives, but you’d be hard pressed to argue against its monumental impact on dating. Because of the internet, single people have more options today than ever, but more options don’t necessarily translate to making dating easier. While it’s true that the dating pool of potentials is widened by online dating sites, the weeding out process is often complicated and tricky. Profiles paint a picture of what a person wants you to see, and often leave out entirely the stuff you’d run away from if you knew it. So, we’re now at a place where a person is more likely to meet someone through an email than at the grocery store, church, or through friends and family. Therefore, caution and wisdom are indispensable with online dating, because so few people talk about the need to adjust expectations to reality. The real deal is that it may take a long time to find a compatible, quality person that is interested in building a serious relationship—one that will last.

A little while ago, a good friend went out on her first date with a man she connected with online. They had been conversing a few weeks, and things were going really well, so they finally decided to meet. On the date, she said the conversation between the two of them was even better than their phone calls. He said all the right things. The restaurant was nice, they instantly seemed to hit it off, and my friend felt very optimistic. The entire evening, he was the perfect gentleman, and when she arrived home, she thought surely he would text. He didn’t. No ‘nice to meet you in person’, ‘enjoyed your company’, or ‘let’s do that again.’ She got nothing.

The next morning, she checked her phone and again, nothing. They had been texting each other ‘good morning’ for a few weeks, so she was very puzzled by this. A few days went by, and still…crickets.

Meeting someone in person is completely different from reading a profile and seeing a picture online. You get a sense of a person’s energy when you’re in their company, and the chemistry can be completely different than you thought it would be. Sometimes the other person’s agenda isn’t what they’ve represented in a profile. Maybe the man’s intention is purely physical. His bubble is burst when he meets her in person, and she is not someone that is easily manipulated.

There are people who endure even more hurtful situations from online dating than what my friend has endured. We’ve probably all heard some of the horror stories, and the lesson is that none of us should internalize the rejection and disappointments from this stuff. We should learn that it will forever and always be best to depend on God’s wisdom and guidance with any dating option. He knew about the internet a very long time before any of us had a clue, and He knows how to guide us through the pitfalls.

As women, we can jump in too soon with our emotions. We become too eager and excited, and we need to be more cautious. Proverbs 19:2(NLT) tells us, “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” In the case of my friend, you might be thinking that perhaps she misread things, and maybe she should be the one to call. My friend considered this herself and decided to do just that. He answered her call and seemed happy to hear her voice. He said he had been thinking of her and was going to call but things got hectic. He promised to call her later that evening, but it’s been a few months, and that was the last time she heard from him.

We can call it old fashion if we want, but God’s Word and Will is never outdated, and if we don’t follow it, we can’t expect the results it yields. Women and men are not the same. They each have different roles, and Heavenly Father was extremely intentional about this. Proverbs 18:22(NLT) says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” This is God’s standard, and God’s standards never change. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and members of His holy family through the Lord Jesus Christ. He tells us that a virtuous woman is priceless. His expectation is that she will be treated in a way that honors her worth.

It is in no way about arrogance or egotism. It is about owning your identity as God’s precious daughter. If you know who you are, then you have a right to expect that a man will appreciate your worth. If he is truly seeking a woman of your Godly character and grace, he would be chomping at the bits to be in your company again; because that’s how a man of integrity, substance, and loyalty behaves when he’s in the presence of his queen. A man will always pursue what he wants. If he’s not willing to pursue you, he doesn’t recognize your worth.

Proverbs 19:3(NLT) tells us, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD.” It is very easy for all of us to be foolish and make a mistake with dating, and there are a variety of ways to do it. But this kind of mistake can turn into a travesty that will ruin our lives if we’re not careful. It can cause us to lose valuable time, stamina, and momentum that should be aimed towards the man who is deserving of all we have to give. So, yes, you may have called him first, but be wise and don’t do it again.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Yes, I Called Him First” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 29, 2021
Show Me Where to Start

“This isn’t right – I gotta fix this…I miss my family!” This is what a close friend said to me as he described what made him fight for his marriage. With two children, a mortgage, and a job that he didn’t feel was worth waking up to each morning, it became more than a notion for this man in his thirties; it had become overwhelming. He and his wife had separated after only five years of marriage, and during their separation, he grew even more despondent. He began to feel so isolated from his family that he couldn’t see how he and his wife could fix what was broken. Neither one of them could imagine submitting to the other for the sake of their family’s unity and peace.

Jesus Christ said in Matthew 5:9(NLT), “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” There are many ways to bring peace to any situation, but it takes humility, love, and a heart that is eager to please God. Peace work requires that we release all claims to pride, and the need to control and be right. This is very difficult for some of us. Anyone that is going through or has gone through a difficult time in their marriage can attest to the fact that it’s easier to run away from the problems than to stand strong and face them head on.

As women, we have endured a lot, and still continue to endure a great deal. We don’t have the luxury of being weak; too many depend on our strength. We run to God because like the song says, ‘we’ve tried Him, and we know He’s all right!’ Our backs have been against the wall enough times to know that He’ll never leave us or forsake us, but sometimes our strength is entangled with stubbornness. Our tenacity, when it’s stretched too thin, can be tainted with bitterness. Then we say to God, “Why is it always me that has to change? Why do I have to do all the emotional acrobatics all the time? Why doesn’t he ever have to come clean and surrender too?”

Our Lord and Savior answers these questions so beautifully in Matthew 5:13-14(NLT), “13 You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. 14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.” We add flavor to the lives of those we love and know, and it is because we are the lights of the world. It should be our highest privilege and honor to show people the unyielding endurance of the love of Christ. Forgiving others keeps us salty. Making peace keeps our light bright. He never said it was easy. It’s hard work sometimes, and that’s why peace-work comes with such great rewards.

It doesn’t matter how many times we have to rein ourselves in, especially when we’re cringing and about to burst because we want to say something and speak our minds so bad. We must hold our tongues. The rebellious part of us despises this. We don’t want to submit to anyone, and we don’t want anyone to have authority over us, but the truth of it is that marriage requires submission. Both spouses must be submissive and committed to one another. And yes, sometimes it will feel like one person has a greater portion of this than the other, but the wonderful part about it is that God blesses those who work for peace. The reward will be evident in the quality of our unions.

No matter how broken things may seem, we can roll up our sleeves and ask God to “Show me where to start!” He will show us how to create an environment of humility through the love of Christ. We must have faith that God will always hold us up, even when we let our guards down in our marriages. When we let down those barriers of rebellion, we will have cultivated a space and place where our partners feel emotionally safe to do the same. Through Christ, we can choose to be the peacemaker, and we will never regret the decision to do so. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Show Me Where to Start” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 22, 2021
It’s Time

There’s a question every woman that is single and waiting for the right man to enter her life must ask. It is whether wait mode has caused her to hit the pause button on other vital parts of her life. Sometimes we can do this and not realize it. We might begin to feel that we can’t have a certain level of fulfillment unless we have a spouse or a significant relationship. In Matthew 16:19(NLT), Jesus Christ said “And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” This verse is exactly the wisdom we need to release the pause button. If we take heed to its wisdom, we’ll head down a path that pleases God and helps us unlock a truth within that every successfully married woman has opened.

For many single Christian women, the wait month after month, year after year, has gotten to be exhausting. A sister friend said to me just the other day that she’s been divorced for twenty years, and she never thought she would be single that long. She declared boldly, “It’s time!” I was moved by her declaration and pray that she will cross paths with her future spouse very soon. I’m sympathetic because I have experienced this same frustration, feeling that the wait has been too long. On top of this, it’s discouraging to see so many women that are experiencing the same frustration.

I’m a firm believer in asking critical questions. I was brought up to believe that a person should never question God, but I have come to know that this isn’t an approach that leads to enlightenment. We can’t open the door to greater truths if we don’t ask questions. So, we must come to God through the Lord Jesus Christ, and humbly ask Him the questions that are on our hearts. Then, we must believe that He will give us the answer. James 1:5(NLT) tells us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” If we feel we’re waiting too long for a blessing to come to pass, we must ask God about it and be courageous enough to face the answer. Because this answer will most certainly lead us to a greater demonstration of faith in God through Christ.

Wisdom is necessary for any pursuit, and it is most certainly a must for marriage. God doesn’t keep His wisdom a secret. He is a God of order, and He tells us how to walk in His blessings continually. The wisdom that leads to walking in God’s blessings continually can be found in Matthew 6:33, where Jesus Christ tells us to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, and blessings will be added to us. This is a very simple thing, but some of us have made it quite complicated. This verse shows us what is most important to Heavenly Father, and it is that our hearts are anchored in our desire for Him more than any other thing. This speaks to intimacy in our relationship with God. He is showing us how this intimacy is supposed to look. When He sees our lives, there must be irrefutable evidence that seeking Him is our primary focus.

As women, the desire for marriage and wanting to cross paths with our future husbands feels very natural to many of us. Why is this? Could it be that the desire for marriage is ingrained within? Could it be that somewhere inside of us there is a knowing that marriage is a part of our destiny? Could it be that we pursue our desire for marriage because we can’t imagine not pursuing it? Think about the answers to those questions and then pull the measuring stick out further. Ask yourself if you’ll move to a new city or town if you knew you’d meet your future spouse there? Would you give up a bad habit for his happiness? Would you spend less and give more for the betterment of your marriage? If you will do these things for a human being, you must be willing to do much more for God.

This strong desire for marriage comes from within, but I submit to you that the purpose to which God has called us is an even stronger desire than the one for marriage. And we will sometimes use our desire for marriage and other things as a way of avoiding the real work that God has called us to do. Our purpose within God’s plan is a treasure that He placed within us in Christ before we were born. We are not allowed to wait until we are married to begin to walk in it.

Successfully married women of God are convinced of their purpose in the Lord Jesus Christ. We don’t have to know all the details of our purpose, but there must be evidence in our lives that when we are called to carry forth something for the Kingdom, we won’t allow anything to keep us from doing what God has asked of us. Only this kind of commitment to God can sustain the foundation on which a lasting marriage will rest.

If it requires waiting a hundred years, we must be convinced that God will condition us and give us the strength to wait, and that at the end of our wait will be a tremendous reward. The Apostle Paul gives us a picture of what this looks like in Philippians 4:11-13(NLT). He said, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

We can’t afford to put our purpose on pause for any person or any reason. God has no pleasure in watching His daughters yearn for a blessing year after year. He expects us to trust that the secret of living is knowing we can do everything He desires of us through Christ. The secret of living is being committed to follow the example Jesus Christ has given us. Be confident that even though you don’t see things coming together on the marriage front, they are. Let God see that you have placed your desire to please Him above all others. Be willing to spend however long it takes to prove this to Him. When our trust is firmly in God, He will do as He said in Isaiah 45:3 and give us treasures He’s stored up for us. He’ll do this so we will be convinced that He is the One True God, and He is a Father who never fails His children.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It’s Time!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 14, 2021
The Only True Famous One!

Male celebrity with his bodyguard against a vehicle

Years ago, my sisters and I were traveling and while waiting in the Atlanta airport one summer, we spotted a famous R&B group. They made a veiled attempt to travel incognito, wearing shades to hide their identities. Folks that are accustomed to the perks of celebrity often have an energy that craves attention; this musical group seemed to have this energy in abundance. My older sister recognized them instantly and was very excited to see them. Too nervous to ask herself, she told me to see if they’d give us an autograph. Having been in the company of a few celebrities myself, I had no reservations about walking up to them and asking the lead singer for his autograph. He didn’t acknowledge me at all, and just kept walking as if I wasn’t there. I was totally shocked at his arrogance and nonchalant attitude. I thought it was incredibly rude, and now that I’m older and wiser, I recognize that truly the only person worthy of being singled out and praised is the Lord Jesus Christ. We must get this straight so that when it comes to our future spouses, we’re attracting someone who is loving and not arrogant.

I’m still amazed, even today, by the number of people who get beside themselves when they are around famous individuals. In Galatians 2, the Apostle Paul explains that he depended on the Holy Spirit to teach him the great truths of God’s Word. There were some in his day that were considered heavy weights in the faith, who were famous, prominent and had risked their lives to spread the Gospel, but Paul was not interested in the reputations of others. He was not focused on the work that others were called to carry out. He was focused on his relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and he was committed to carry out what God had called HIM to do. He said in Galatians 2:6(NLT), “And the leaders of the church had nothing to add to what I was preaching. (By the way, their reputation as great leaders made no difference to me, for God has no favorites.)” Sure, it’s great to meet those that have gleaned a certain level of success, but God doesn’t put one person higher than another. He sees us all the same.

Proverbs 4:23(NKJV) warns us, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” We draw things to us based on what is happening in our hearts. Some individuals do nothing but complain about their lives. Not finding anything positive to converse about, they spew out negativity continually. They may say they are thankful for God’s blessings, but in their hearts, they are so busy feeling sorry for themselves that there is hardly any room left for gratitude. Speaking poorly about their conditions and the conditions of others, this person has a negative outlook on life. They have a negative attitude and mindset, and because of this, they attract to themselves the very thing that is in their hearts and minds. This creates a negative cycle that engulfs them. It is the very reason that God commands us in Ephesians 4:23 to be renewed in the spirit of our minds.

Even before they’ve met their future spouses, some women are very willing to make the man their everything. This signals the heavens that she is poised to place the needs of the man over the requirements of Heavenly Father. To renew our minds is to have a change of heart. And not only must we renew our minds and change our hearts so that we never do this, but we must demonstrate the actions that back up our understanding of Matthew 6:33. We can place nothing before our relationship with Heavenly Father, not even our emotions.

Psalm 24:1-5(NLT) tells us, “1 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. 2 For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths. 3 Who may climb the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? 4 Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. 5 They will receive the Lord’s blessing and have a right relationship with God their savior.”

Unlike some celebrities, our Lord is beyond approachable. He is accessible 24/7, 365 days a year; anytime of day or night. And the best part of it all, He wants us to know Him in the most intimate way. He desires a relationship with each of us. We shouldn’t be star-struck by a mere mortal. No human being has come close to doing something on the level of laying the earth’s foundation or putting the sun, moon, and stars in orbit. Our God is our Savior! He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He’s the only true famous One, and when our relationship with Him is where it needs to be, our hearts will light up with the joy of Christ. Then we will please God, and He will set our feet on the path to the blessings we desire most. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“The Only True Famous One!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 8, 2021
More of We Than Me

My youngest daughter and I were reading one of her books before she went to bed. One of the sentences in the book stated, “I wish for more of we than me.” I instantly thought about how many single women are waiting for their status to be changed from ‘me’ to ‘we.’ They want their lives to include a man by their side instead of it always being themselves alone. “We” encompasses what God has ordained for the man and the woman. He declared this in Genesis 2:18. In this verse, He tells us that it is not good for the man to be alone, so God made a helper for Adam and named her Eve. The ‘helper’ aspect of partnership is an attitude, willingness, and requirement that is part of the foundation for marriage. It is also true that a good many of us will let this ‘helper’ distinction of partnership slip by us, but it is a big mistake to do this, and here’s why.

Truly God covers us in His amazing grace, but we can look at our own lives and see clearly that His grace does not exempt us from obedience, NOR does His grace reward us for disobedience. We can dance around this all day and all night, but the thing we need to pay attention to is the realities we face daily. We need to pay attention to what is rewarded in our actions and what is not, because rewards are the evidence of our diligent effort. ALL blessings are spiritual. If the blessing we desire most isn’t manifesting itself in our visible circumstances, this is a spiritual issue. Spiritual issues must be dealt with spiritually.

God does not withhold blessings, and He doesn’t punish us for any reason. You might ask, “Well, why hasn’t my Mr. Right showed up?” To answer this question, we must come face to face with the truth God has told us in His Word. One of those truths is that God’s blessings continually flow; they never cease. In many cases, the blessings we seek are already in the earth. Your destiny partner may have been born around the same time as you were. He is in the earth right this very moment, doing his thing, as anxious to meet you as you are to meet him. The thing that separates you from him has everything to do with what is happening with you internally.

Philippians 2:5(KJV) tells us, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” This is not a suggestion by any means. It is a direct commandment, and there is no wiggle room for error or personal interpretation. It is crucial that we learn to think a certain way in order to position and condition ourselves to receive, and this certain way is to think like Christ. It is to have the same attitude, behaviors, and motivations that he had. When it comes to the provision or presentation of a helper, this mind that is in Christ is the only mind that will guide us on the path to the blessing we’re seeking.

The example of Jesus Christ contains all the lessons of life, but as it relates to marital partnership, there are simply some lessons about his example that we are not allowed to miss. The lesson of “WE” is at the top. The first set of instructions regarding “WE” can be found in the Words of our Master Jesus in Matthew 6:33(NKJV), where he tells us, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” The most important partnership of your existence is with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. When this relationship is where it needs to be, you will be rewarded with ‘all these things.” This is God’s promise.

Something happens internally when the button for unyielding dedication to God is switched on in your soul. ‘Helper’ mode is activated. You no longer see yourself as “I”. You see yourself as someone that is purposed to achieve something meaningful for God’s Kingdom. You see yourself as a helper to your marital partner, and you see this as an EXTENSION of your partnership with God. This is a realization and comprehension that cannot come from the world. As you read and study God’s Word, the Holy Spirit can help you comprehend mentally and emotionally what is required of you for this deep dedication and commitment first to God, and then to your spouse. It is a dedication and commitment that first must be evident in your relationship with God, and out of your relationship with Heavenly Father, your union with a spouse can be birthed. Marital partnership is a reward for being committed to God. Without this commitment to God, it just doesn’t work.

Often, when some people hear about the dedication and commitment God expects, they become offended and fearful. They think God expects them to be perfect, and this scares them because they believe it is a standard they are unable to meet. God has this part handled. He tells us in John 16:13 that His Holy Spirit that dwells within us will guide us to all truth. You and I are not perfect. We have been saved through God’s amazing grace, and there’s no mistake that we can make that Heavenly Father can’t correct, but our faith in Him must be constant. So, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being humble before God and recognizing that He alone can and will direct our paths and help us, but our allegiance to Him is the foundation upon which our future marriages must rest.

Marriage is God’s institution, and it was created for His purpose. God knows the person that will best help us to fulfill our part in His Will and Plan. He knows the person that will greatly benefit from the kind of help we will provide. But you’ve got to play catch-up if there’s no evidence that ‘helper’ mode has been activated in your heart; because the level of commitment we have to this role as a helper of ‘WE’ is the thing that pulls the blessing closer.

It is a given that we desire to share a bond with someone, but our desire for this bond should never outweigh or come before our commitment to serve God and expand His Kingdom. It is time for us to wake-up and recognize that Heavenly Father is looking at what we are doing today, this very moment, as a helper who is committed to HIM! This says all there is to say about the commitment we’re ready to make to be a helper to a spouse.■

New King James Version (NKJV)
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“More of We than Me” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 1, 2021
There’s Nothing Like Getting What You Want

Isaiah 40:31(NKJV)) says, “But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Every time I hear someone talk about how exhausted they are from dating the wrong person or waiting longer than they’d like to in order to meet the right person, I think of this verse in Isaiah 40:31. All blessings come from God. This is something we must remember continually, so we don’t end up getting tricked out of what is rightfully ours. We can become so impatient that we miss the very opportunity we’ve been waiting to receive. Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to miss out, and this is why He tells us to keep our minds focused on Him. He knows exactly what we need, and only He can give us the blessing that we really want.

We shouldn’t try to force things, but the truth is that all of us get a little impatient. If we’re being honest, we must admit that we sometimes get tired of waiting for the blessing to manifest. As foreign as it might seem to our way of thinking, it’s actually waiting on the Lord that renews our strength. So even when our hearts are heavy from disappointment, there a few things we can do to help us mount up and stay energized and encouraged for the fulfillment of God’s promises.

#1 Lean on God’s peace

Not long ago, someone came to me with a heavy heart about the man in her life. She seemed fed up and exhausted as she expressed how disappointed in herself she’d become. She’s been waiting a very long time for a commitment from her boyfriend. They’ve been together off and on for almost five years and neither one of them have ever been married. She said to me, “I know in my heart that I love him so much, but my head is telling me enough is enough.” I was not about to advise her to follow her heart…OHHH NO! Our hearts don’t always lead us down the right path. What I did say to her was to allow the peace of God to rule in her heart first, so that she’s clear enough to make the right move.

When we’re agitated and frustrated, we don’t think as clearly, and we miss things. This is when we tend to yield to impatience. A better strategy is to lean on God’s peace. When we cast aside worry, doubt, and fear, and pray in faith with a thankful heart, Philippians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

#2 Conserve and Target your strength

Isaiah 40:31 tells us that God will renew our strength. This lets us know that sometimes our strength dwindles, leaving us feeling depleted and empty. A relationship with a person that isn’t helping us grow spiritually can do this to us; it can deplete our reservoirs. Some of us invest all our energies into the wrong person, and then we don’t have the spiritual discernment or strength to even recognize or attract the right person.

You and I are responsible for reaching out and grabbing the blessings with our names on them, and this takes spiritual strength. To make sure you’ve got something that God can renew, a wonderful practice is to conserve your spiritual strength. Then you can target it towards the person that deserves it and is destined to receive all that you are able to give.

#3 Be joyful in the wait

Proverbs 13:12(NLT) tells us, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” We are perfectly within our right to hope for marriage, but sometimes we place this hope in a person that isn’t a destiny partner; it’s not the person who can help us grow and thrive in the long run. When we don’t anchor our hope properly, it can become deferred, and we are often heartsick about it. This is especially true when it becomes clear to us that a relationship with a person isn’t going to work out. It hurts, but it shouldn’t cause us to abdicate our dream. The lesson from this is that we shouldn’t make the mistake of placing all our hope in a person. People will let us down, but God never will. Hope must be placed in God through the Lord Jesus Christ. A hope that is deferred can give us extra time to redirect it properly. This means that we will be committed to anchor our faith in God even more, and to be thankful that He is more committed to make our dreams a reality than we could ever be.

There’s nothing like having hope in something or someone and then suddenly, your dreams become a reality! Heavenly Father wants us to experience this joy, and He’s helping us to achieve it. Romans 5:5(NIV) says, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” The wait for the blessings we desire can most definitely be challenging, but we must remember that God has given us His precious Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit is our proof that when we focus all our hope on the faithfulness of God, we will not be ashamed.

There’s nothing like getting what you truly want, and this is why it is important to be patient in the process. We can be joyful in the wait because our Heavenly Father is helping us prepare to receive through the Lord Jesus Christ. No matter how long it takes, it is always better to wait on God so that the relationship we receive is the one we’ve always wanted. We can have confidence that if we remain prayerful and trust God with our whole hearts, we never have to worry about being disappointed, because God is faithful!■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“There’s Nothing Like Getting What You Want” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 24, 2021
Just Right for YOU!

“Marriage is not for me – I just don’t see myself being with the same person year after year.” Have you ever heard someone make this statement? I have, and I know folks over 50 that have never been married and still continue to feel this way. “Marriage just isn’t my thing…” is another statement I’ve heard some singles make more than a few times. Don’t get me wrong, I know full well that every person isn’t going to desire marriage, and we don’t need to be married in order to have a beautiful life. But if you don’t plan to ever get married, what’s the plan for physical intimacy? We know that God designed this aspect of marriage to bind a couple together in unity, so there’s an obvious question before many folks who hold the opinion that marriage isn’t for them. Is it fair to impede another person’s destiny or desire for marriage by binding yourself to them through sexual intimacy?

God’s Word is the definitive authority on all things pertaining to life. If God says it, that is indeed IT! He’s left an indisputable key for us in the commandment He made to His people living in Old Testament times. For generations, God specifically commanded His children not to intermarry with people who worshiped idols or who had rejected His truth. We saw the repercussions of violating God’s commandment in the lives of Naomi’s sons, Mahlon and Chilion, in the Book of Ruth. They died young and left their wives widows, and their mother without a source of support.

Some look at the wisdom of God’s statutes in ridicule. They think to themselves that these standards are not useful to Godly living today. This is a dangerous way to think. Our Heavenly Father’s wisdom is unmatched. None of us can fathom His magnificence and intelligence. He hasn’t changed, nor will He ever change. The precedent He set was unquestionable. He didn’t want His children to take on the energy and be affected by the erroneous beliefs, habits, or cultures of those who would never turn to Him or make Christ the Lord of their lives. In Deuteronomy 23:3-4(NLT), He told them, “3You must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, 4 for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods.”

Some of us bind ourselves to people we have no business bonding with. The best way to prevent this from happening is to ask God whether we are making a mistake before we make it. There’s such a thing as transference. Some refer to it as transmutation, which is engaging in an action that causes your state of being to be altered or changed into something it wasn’t before. Sex does this. Not only is it unfair to mess with someone else’s spiritual journey this way, it’s a sin before God. And tons of people never repent for it.

In Genesis 2:18(NLT), our Heavenly Father said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” This is the kind of loving Father our God is. He sees our need, and He wants us to depend on Him to fulfill it. But we have a part to play in this. We should try very hard not to alter someone’s spiritual journey or cause them to sin simply to satisfy our own physical pleasure. We are changed in ways we can’t begin to know when we take on the energy of others through physical intimacy. We should honor God and love ourselves enough to not let someone do this to us, and we should refuse to do it to anyone else. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Just Right for YOU!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 17, 2021
Home Is Where Love Abides

From the outside, my mother’s house looks like any other traditional brick ranch. Enter the front door, though, and you’ll feel like you’ve walked into a cottage of love. The memories of the home she made for us growing up reminds me of God’s wisdom in Proverbs 14:1(NLT). It says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” This truth speaks to God’s generosity in sharing the straightforward way in which He distinguishes a wise woman from a foolish woman. A wise woman builds, and a foolish woman tears down. One of the reasons this verse should be so important to us is because our Heavenly Father is a Righteous Judge. As single Christian women, we want to make sure that when He judges our actions, He can reward us in the present for what He knows we are committed to build in the future.

I grew up in a small town in the south. People worked very hard and they were thankful to have jobs locally, so they’d be able to adequately care for their families. The amenities of city life were miles away, so we didn’t venture outside our small area much. If you wanted something glamorous, fancy, or eccentric, you were forced to use your resourcefulness and imagination if you had one. My mother definitely had one. She could turn the most insignificant objects into something beautiful. She’d cut branches from trees in the backyard, spray paint and decorate them beautifully, and made whimsical table arrangements; not just for our home, but for the neighbors as well. I’m amused sometimes when I see certain creations that people post on social media. They charge exorbitant amounts of money for them as if these are new discoveries. Those with limited resources and vivid imaginations have been making something out of nothing for years. This was commonplace with my mom. She made the ordinary seem extraordinary.

When I purchased my first home, I knew I wanted to make my home feel like my mother’s. The colors on the walls, the type of furniture in each room, even down to the smell of the house when you walk through the front door. I wanted every detail to emulate warmth and love like my Mom’s home did, and still does. I wanted every person that came to my home to feel like they never wanted to leave.

People love their childhood homes for different reasons, but as a single woman desiring marriage, the love of Christ is a characteristic that must be passed on to all those that will be influenced or impacted by our legacy. Ephesians 1:22(NLT) tells us, “God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church.” Letting the love of Christ rule our homes is for our benefit. It is the glue that keeps our unions and families strong. A nicely decorated interior makes a house look beautiful, but the love of Christ is what makes a beautiful home.

Our home is the first place we should practice what we preach. It’s the place where the authority of Christ should reign supreme. God tells us in Ephesians 5:24-25(NLT), “24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” We’re groomed in today’s world not to be too chumming with the word ‘submit’. Society has placed a very negative connotation on it. We think it means that someone can rule over us, tell us what to do, and we have to do it even if we don’t like it. Love will always require submission, we learned this from the sacrifice of Christ. He said in John 10:18(NLT), “No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded.” Christ yielded himself to the point of voluntarily giving up his own life for our sake. He didn’t have to do it. He did it because it pleased the Father. He did it because he loves God and he loves us.

Jesus Christ submitted himself to the Father’s Will totally and completely. This is what God requires of us. Marriage teaches us this lesson so that we will have a greater understanding of what God requires. To submit is the greatest honor we can give a person. It conveys our humility. Husbands are not taking something from us as wives. We are willingly yielding and submitting, and we can do this under the authority of Christ because of what we’re getting in return. The husband is commanded to love the wife as Christ loves the church. This is the greatest love we could hope to receive.

When God’s Word is followed and obeyed, the outcome is always going to be a blessing. Rewards will chase us down when our commitment is to honor God preeminently. So, the question we need to focus our attention on is what are we doing now to create a home where the love of Christ abides? This tells the true story about our preparedness to maintain a loving and warm home once we’re married. We must take care that we’re established in the practice of building up and not tearing down. We may not be able to do what our mother’s have done, but God has given us our own brand of special, and He will reward us if we’re diligent to have a home where the love of Christ will abide.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Home Is Where Love Abides” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 12, 2021
Do I Stay or Do I Go?

Eloise was approaching a milestone birthday and was planning for it a month in advance. She was excited because this year, she had someone new in her life. Eloise had been single way longer than she wanted to be, and she had done what many singles do, and that’s put certain aspects of their lives on hold until marriage. She didn’t go to certain functions because she didn’t like not having someone by her side, and there were also vacation spots, like Hawaii, that she put on hold so she could share them with her future spouse. She even put off purchasing a home, because again, in her mind this is something you do with your husband. Wanting and waiting to share special memories with a spouse is beautiful, but living life to the fullest is something we should do whether we’re married or not.

As the days grew closer to her birthday, Eloise noticed that the man in her life hadn’t mentioned any plans. She hoped this was because he had been planning to surprise her. She looked for subtle hints in their conversations, but nothing surfaced, and she began to get nervous. Finally, a couple of days before her big day, he called during her lunch break at work. Before their conversation ended, she casually reminded him of her birthday and asked if they’d be doing anything together. In a very matter of fact manner, he replied, “It’s up to you. If you want to go out, we can.” Not quite the response she was looking for.

As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, the one aspect of our lives that you and I have to get right is the commitment and action of love. One day, an expert in Jewish law asked Jesus Christ which of the commandments is most important. In Mark 12:30-31(NLT), Jesus responded, “30 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Not only is it important that we love in the way that Christ has commanded, but it is important that we love ourselves this way as well. When we love ourselves, there are certain things we simply won’t accept. This increases our faith and causes the same quality self-love to boomerang back to us.

Romans 5:8(NLT) tells us, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” This verse tells us of God’s unconditional, unlimited love. When we become born-again, and receive the Spirit of Christ, we then have God’s love deposited within. The more we learn about Heavenly Father, the more we are able to love like Christ. This is God’s goal for each of us. He wants us to love Him, to love others, and to love ourselves through the love of Jesus Christ.

So, God doesn’t just tell us to love Him and others, through Jesus Christ, He actually showed us how to get this done. He sent His only begotten Son to earth to show us the way. As women who love God, many of us have taken this and ran with it. We are committed to continue learning to love like Christ. We practice this in our relationships, because we love like we want to be loved. We’re thoughtful and considerate, and we go out of our way to make sure the special person in our lives feels appreciated. If we’re not getting this back, that should be a wake-up call.

You see, Heavenly Father knows that when we are confident in our understanding of the love of Christ, we are then better able to set boundaries and wisely define our expectations. We understand our worth to God, and therefore, we won’t accept treatment that isn’t in alignment with God’s love for us. This isn’t about ego. When you are confident in your own ability to love like Christ, you can then recognize and look for the exit sign when someone isn’t loving you that way in return.

Eloise shared with her boyfriend from the very beginning that her desire was to be married. He didn’t run from it, but he hadn’t done anything to lead her to believe he wanted marriage as well. When her birthday finally arrived, her boyfriend took her out for a nice dinner. After dinning, she told him how much she enjoyed their evening. She also said she hoped it was the start of their future together. His response was, “I hear what you’re saying, but you don’t have to constantly remind me!”

She was crushed by his words. She hadn’t nagged him, but sometimes the tension of desperation doesn’t need to be spoken in order to be felt. It was clear that he wouldn’t be as thrilled to share those special moments with her as she had always dreamed. So, the question she found herself facing was should she stay in the relationship and continue to hope, or does she cut all ties and move on with her life, committed to live it to the fullest.

It takes some of us a while to learn that seeking and pursuing God’s Will first is the best way to love ourselves and to live a fulfilling life. A caring and supportive spouse is one of God’s sweet rewards, but just because a man is interested, it doesn’t mean he’s the reward. We must continue to have faith and trust in Heavenly Father that the right one will come. God knows what is best, and at the end of the day, we should only want what He wants for us. It will be a person who mirrors His love and adds to the fullness we already have in Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Do I Stay or Do I Go?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 4, 2021