Find A Christian Man

Author: findchristianman

The Right King for You

God’s Word tells us in 1Corinthians 14:33 that He is a God of order. The definition of this word ‘order’ points us in the direction of other words we know so well, like organization, arrangement, and structure. Because of God’s Word, we can now see clearly that everything He does is systematic and efficient. He arranges things in such a way that He never has to do a do-over, a back-track, or a take-back. This information is so crucial because it helps to provide the framework for how we approach God in prayer, particularly if we’re praying to cross paths with Mr. Right. If you’ve been praying about your desire to be married for quite some time, the framework for understanding the orderly way that God does things may help you considerably.

1Samuel 16 gives us just the perspective we need. It tells us the communication between God and His prophet, Samuel. It took place during the reign of King Saul, who was the first king of the children of Israel. Saul had all the trappings. He was handsome as all get-out, virile and strong, and the people loved him because in their minds, he fit the bill for how a king should look and act. But Saul only looked the part. He wasn’t a good fit. Time and time again, God gave him opportunities to straighten up his act and be obedient, but his arrogance got in the way. Saul’s heart was far from God, and he was determined to do things his own way.

God told his prophet, Samuel, that Saul had to go, and Samuel was very disappointed about this. He loved Saul and was upset that God had chosen someone else to be king. If we’re being honest, many of us have been in Samuel’s shoes. We took it upon ourselves to find ourselves a king, and although he looked the part, he was not ready for the responsibility and privilege of caring for our hearts because he didn’t honor God. He was not the one. And rather than repenting for not consulting and listening to Heavenly Father in our decision making, some of us prayed to God to make this misplaced-king act right, or we asked God to change his heart.

Heavenly Father will never overstep someone’s free-will. This is something we must know so that we do not pray for things that are outside of God’s Will and Word. We can pray until the cows come home, but God will not change someone’s heart towards us. This is made abundantly clear in the record of King Saul. God loved Saul more than anyone, including Samuel, but Heavenly Father would not change Saul’s heart. God would not make him act right, because again, doing something like this would violate His laws, and God will never overstep His Word. Instead, Heavenly Father chose someone to be king that had a heart that was tender towards Him. It was David, a ruddy-faced boy who loved shepherding and being out in nature. Samuel, the prophet, thought God was going to choose one of David’s brothers, because again Samuel was impressed with appearance and height. The Father told him in 1Samuel 16:7(NLT), “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

As single women, we have to ask ourselves if we’re searching for someone that looks the part, or do we want the king that God has chosen for us? Left to our own devices, many of us have chosen someone who looks the part but has a heart that is far from God. This often leads to disaster. Some of us do this because we don’t believe God will present us with someone that is all we need them to be. In reality, the scriptures are full of accounts where God does the exceedingly abundantly and exceeds expectations. He has many men that are talented, courageous, intelligent, attractive, and the favor of God is upon them. There is no shortage of good men, but there is in fact a shortage of women that are willing to be patient and obedient as God teaches them to align with His purpose and order.

Humility and honor before God means that we must get rid of our resistance to change. God desires us to be happy and to have a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, but the more than abundant life can only be lived through Jesus Christ. He is the way to it. So, we must change the way we’ve done things in the past. We must be guided by the Spirit of Christ on the journey to acquiring what we want most in life, because this is God’s order. Psalm 37:23(NLT) says, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” Let the Lord delight in the details of your life by submitting your quest for marriage to Him and trusting that He will present the right king for you.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Right King for You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

December 6, 2021
Welcome to Your Virtual Internal Tour

If you’ve ever planned a vacation or looked for a house in another state, you’re probably familiar with the term ‘virtual tour’. It’s images or video that provide a 360° panoramic view of a property or location. You can even zoom-in for a closer look at many of the details. Some of these virtual tours are so realistic that it’s almost like being there in person, but not quite. As you zoom in and zoom out, you get a visual that helps you plan for reality. We do this because a virtual tour provides information that is very helpful to our decision-making process. If the tour is an honest presentation of reality, it can be a great tool to help make a worthwhile investment, but there are no guarantees. Just like people, there are always things going on internally that no amount of surface viewing is going to pick up.

Pain is a terrific motivator. It should motivate us to want to avoid as much of it as possible. Not only can it begin a cycle that lasts a very long time, needless pain robs us of the resources of time and energy. We need to focus our resources on the blessing with our name on it rather than depleting our reservoirs on someone that was never meant for us. Heavenly Father wants us to be wise. He tells us in Proverbs 4:7 that wisdom is the principal thing; it’s number one when it comes to all that we need to live a successful existence. God also tells us to develop good judgment and insight, so that we won’t waste any of the life He’s blessed us with.

It can’t be lost on any of us that virtual is here to stay. We need look no further to the popularity of dating websites to see this. Supplying prospective daters with information about a person in a neat digital package, dating websites are notorious for profiles that list all the good and leave out all the bad. Unlike a house or a trip, we must be wise and not make an emotional investment solely based on a virtual tour. Jesus Christ has commanded us to seek God first in all things, especially when it comes to relationships.

God’s Word doesn’t tell us that knowing someone a really long time is a prerequisite for marriage, but it does give us the wisdom to make good dating choices that will honor our relationship with God and benefit our lives. Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in Hebrews 12:1 that we should lay aside sin and all the heavy stuff that comes with it. This means that we should not be impatient when it comes to making decisions. We should wait on God for the green-light. This verse also affirms that every believer has a race that God, Himself, has placed before them. We are to run this race with endurance. We don’t have time for costly mistakes that set us back. If we trust God, we will avoid those.

We can’t judge a book by its cover, and when we’re obedient to God’s Word, we’ll never be in this position. Wisdom dictates that even before we begin a virtual tour of someone else’s profile, we’ll make sure ours is straight. We’ll make sure we’re a true representation of Christ. Some of us have some baggage that we’ve been carrying around a long time, and it is important to pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ, and ask Him to reveal the thing in our hearts that is holding us back. When you and I are unwilling to see certain things about ourselves that are harmful to our relationship with God, we overlook or don’t recognize it in others either. We attract the very person who reflects the worse in ourselves. We should want to get this internal housekeeping cleaned up before we start looking at someone else’s house.

When it comes to partnering, a lot of us have taken matters into our own hands. We’ve made a choice, and then asked God to bless the choice we have made. This isn’t how faith works. Faith dictates that God walks us through the process from beginning to end. And in this, we learn to lean on Him and not on our own understanding. We learn to hear His directives more clearly, and we develop faith in His love and guidance. You don’t want to rob yourself of this. It’s the most important aspect of life. Virtual tours may be the wave of the future, but nothing will ever replace God’s Word, and His way always works best.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Welcome to Your Virtual Internal Tour”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 29, 2021
You May Want It but It’s Not Good for You

God designed the human body to naturally have certain desires and cravings. We all know what these feel like. Whether it’s craving food, power, fame, money, a favorite drink or a particular person, sometimes we crave things so strongly that we will do just about anything to acquire them. Our Lord and Savior has given us an approach to handle these cravings, so they don’t get out of control. In Matthew 26:41(NLT), he tells us, “Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” This is very important information for us to know, because the enemy tested Jesus Christ, and he uses our cravings to test us. If we’re expecting God to bless us with the desires of our hearts, our commitment to stand guard and pray must be proven.

Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in Galatians 5:16(NLT), “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.” This is a very practical verse, and God is telling us exactly what we must do in our lives. The Holy Spirit is the one to take the lead. He is to lead, and we are to follow. This is God’s divine plan, and it will keep us from giving in to temptation, so we won’t do what our sinful nature craves. Here, we have a distinction of two natures, and one of them is the part of us that craves sinful things that go against God’s plan. It is our sinful nature, and Romans 8:7 tells us that this sinful nature is always hostile to God. It is corrupt through and through.

The other nature that Galatians 5:16 tells us about is the spiritual nature. It is the nature of our ‘spirit man’ that was recreated through our new birth experience. This is the transformation that took place when we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. 2Corinthians 5:17(NLT) tells us, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” Our spirit man was dead to God before we accepted Christ, but after we were saved, our spirit man became alive through Jesus Christ, giving us new life!

God’s people living in Old Testament times did not have the new birth experience. They had to offer sacrifices continually from the blood of animals to cover their sins, because Jesus Christ had not yet come to the earth and given his life as a sacrifice. It is different for those of us living after the resurrection of Jesus Christ. We live through him, and because we do, we can stand strong through prayer and faith, and resist temptation that comes by way of plots and tricks from the enemy.

For many of us, if we’re being honest, even though we have the spiritual strength through Jesus Christ to resist temptation, we don’t. We have longings and cravings for certain things, and when we’re in relationships, some of us allow feelings and emotions to take over. Then we find ourselves in situations that are less than Godly. The body wants what it wants, but what it wants isn’t always good for our lives, and it’s not going to help lead us to the place where God wants us to be. So, if your mind isn’t renewed to the Word of God, you might easily let your cravings and emotions call the shots. This isn’t pleasing to God, and we must pray fervently and frequently to grow in Christ and let our Master Jesus call the shots, not our emotions or cravings.

Galatians 5:13(NLT) tells us, “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” We are free from a life of sin and strife through Jesus Christ! This freedom should be used to serve others in love, and the eyes of God are on us to see how we do this. Our commitment to honor God through loving and sharing, and being obedient to Him, demonstrates that we are serious about the commitment to honor our marriage vows and to be the spouse He desires us to be. We cannot say that we have faith in God to present us with a compatible mate, yet we don’t demonstrate the faith to turn from sin like He tells us we can. Let’s make sure we are praying to God for the spiritual strength to stand strong when confronted with temptation, so that nothing the enemy does will destroy the wonderful plan God has for our lives. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“You May Want It but It’s Not Good for You” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 22, 2021
Your Blessing is Linked to Your Gift

1Peter 4:10 tells us that God has given each of us a unique spiritual gift to bless the body of Christ. This begs us to ask ourselves if we know what this gift is and if we are using it in the way God has purposed. He instructs us in 1Peter 4:10 to use our gifts to serve one another. As sisters in Christ that are praying to cross paths with our future spouses, God requires that we obey His Word. Our obedience will position us on the path that leads to His rewards, and He doesn’t want us to miss the treasure He wants to give us. As we seek God for guidance and direction in our desires to be married, we can be sure that the answer to our prayer is linked to our desire to use the gift God has given us.

When it comes to certain aspects of life and what we want out of it, the ‘why’ is very important to our understanding. Why do we want to be married? What do we want out of marriage? Who do we want to marry and what are we doing to bring ourselves closer to what we want? These are very important questions that we must answer. We must answer them because there must be something within our minds and hearts that draws us closer to what we want and draws what we want closer to us. We can’t sit back with our hands on our laps and do nothing. James 2:26 tells us that faith without works is dead.

We can’t perform any ol’ work we please and think that God will automatically bless it. If we have ears to hear, He will tell us what we ought to do, and He will tell us how to get it done. He tells us in His Word what He expects from us, and there is always a reason behind His expectations. He doesn’t keep it a secret.

In 1Peter 4:11(NLT), He tells us, “Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.” God is the Giver of good and perfect gifts, and when it comes to blessing the body of Christ, everyone has a gift they can employ for the increase of God’s Kingdom. In 1Peter 4:11, Heavenly Father tells us why using our gifts is so crucial to our relationship with Him and to the well-being of our lives. He instructs us to use our gifts in the most diligent way possible, because when our heart is to be of service in a way that honors God, we bring glory to Him through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Bringing glory to God is the greatest thing that any living thing or person can do. It is the key, and we must use it to unlock the treasures we desire. Glory is the highest praise, honor, adoration, and admiration that can be given. Anyone that is glorious by definition deserves glory. God deserves the highest level of glory that can be achieved. He deserves it every moment of every day for all of eternity. When a man came running towards Jesus and called him ‘Good Teacher”, Jesus asked him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except the Father.” Our Father is good, and as His children, we must give Him the glory He is due.

In 2Timothy 4:7, near the end of his life, the Apostle Paul declared, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:” We should all be able to speak these words at the point of our transition. Heavenly Father has revealed a key to faith for us, and it has everything to do with the motivation of our hearts. We must desire to please God more than we desire to please any other person. His pleasure and delight must be our chief motivation and desire, and if it is, our actions will back it up. We will understand that He has laid a race before each of us, and not only this, He’s given us every skill, gift, and resource to run this race and finish it with authority and victory. Let’s get busy fulfilling our purpose in the Lord, because the energy and effort behind our obedience to His Will contains the faith to bring our greatest desires into fruition.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Your Blessing Is Linked to Your Gift” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 16, 2021
As We Go Our Separate Ways

When you’re going through rough times in your marriage or relationship with your significant other, who’s the person you usually call for support? After praying to Heavenly Father, many of us would reach out to our BFFs for a shoulder to cry or lean on. It’s a friend that will always listen to us blubber through as we try to make sense of what is happening. It’s someone that offers spiritual encouragement, compassion and support, and not judgement. These are the women we count on, and we have established deeply rooted ties, some stronger than biological ones. But one of the things many of us struggle with is how to honor these friendships, especially while balancing them with the relationship needs of the significant man in our lives.

It’s inevitable that there will be friends, some we’ve had quite a long time, who have developed a sense of entitlement when it comes to our time. It’s not unusual to hear about a bestie feeling displaced and upset because a new man is in the picture. You’re not able to have as many phone conversations or hang out together as much, because you’ve got new priorities. The more your relationship grows with the new person in your life, the less time you have on your hands to devote to others.

This happened to Tammy, when at forty-one, and with two college aged kids, she married a wonderful man. Her friends had been with her through thick and thin. They all comforted and encouraged one another through broken marriages, the toils of being single, and the struggles of raising children as single parents. Tammy knew her friends were thrilled for her happiness, but they were accustomed to keeping each other in the loop. As her new relationship grew and ultimately blossomed into marriage, Tammy didn’t feel the need to communicate with her close friends about new changes, boundaries, or how she would need to handle any of it. She was so engrossed with the new man that she wasn’t even aware she was letting her friendships slip through the cracks.

1Peter 4:8(NASB) says, “8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Be hospitable to one another without complaint. 10 As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.” We’re not exempt from this passage just because we find Mr. Right. One of the greatest and most profound lessons we must learn is one concerning what we need to do as single women to build a landing strip for the blessing of marriage. As friends and wives, God’s standard is that we serve one another as good stewards of His manifold grace. Yes, our priorities must change when we partner, but as God so beautifully tells us in 1Peter 4:8, the love of Christ will cover a multitude of sins.

Job 6:14(NIV) tells us, “Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” Kindness dictates honesty, compassion, and communication. All three are necessary to convey to those who have supported us that we’re continually appreciative of them, and we need their understanding as we navigate a new chapter in our lives. When Tammy and her husband planned a trip and needed to depend on trustworthy friends to check in on their home while they were away, she was surprised by some of their comments. Although willing to help, her longtime girlfriends felt as if they had been kicked to the curb by Tammy, and had no problem saying so.

Sometimes friends we’ve had a long time must go their separate ways when life-changing events occur. Everyone can’t go where we’re going, and it is necessary to part ways, but this isn’t always the case. We need good people in our lives, and we also need to continue the ministry of being a loving, supportive friend. It is one that keeps us operating out of the love of Christ as we are a blessing to others. If we allow the love of Christ to rule our hearts in this area, we’ll find that our friends will be much more understanding. Again, this requires us to be honest, thoughtful, and keep the lines of communication open. If we do this and allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us, we can establish boundaries that honor our significant relationships and maintain the friendships that are so dear to us as well. ■

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“As We Go Our Separate Ways”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 8, 2021
A Marriage Covered by The Blood of Jesus Christ

I remember the first time I saw a little girl named Chastity. I thought she was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, and her mother always kept her impeccably dressed. She was doted on by almost everyone, especially by her parents. Although they loved her very much, her mother and father had a terribly rocky relationship. Her father was verbally abusive towards her mother, and on a few occasions, this led to physical altercations between them. As she grew into adulthood, Chastity never thought of her parents as angry people or those with anger issues. Oddly, she thought most parents behaved just as hers did. It wasn’t until she began married life and faced some of its complexities that she saw the anger of her parents manifesting in her own life, and it did so with devastating results.

Chastity was mandated by the courts to enter an anger management program after attacking her husband in a domestic dispute. She was taken away from their home in handcuffs and ultimately received a no-contact restraining order to stay away from her husband. It wasn’t until several months after her divorce that she shared this with her closest friends. She was embarrassed and ashamed, and she was also very afraid. She loved married life and very much wanted to be in a relationship, but anxiety about what she had gone through caused her to constantly second-guess her decisions. Something she wanted so much had slipped through her fingers once before, and she feared it could happen again.

Psalm 37:8 (NLT) tells us, “Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm.” During the anger management program that she was mandated to attend, Chastity learned some very good strategies for controlling outbursts of anger. But even though she felt like she had a good handle on it, the root of this anger was still in her heart. God’s Word tells us to stop being angry. This suggests to us that for some people, anger is a way of being. It’s a ‘go-to’ response.

God created us out of His love. So, we know from His Word that we were not created to respond in anger, but to respond with the love of Christ. When anger is always operating in the background, instead of the liberty of Christ, we must allow the healing power of God’s love to be administered to our hearts and minds in a greater way. We do this by learning more of God’s Word and asking the Holy Spirit to teach and guide us.

Again, the way that a man and a woman create an opening in their hearts for healing is to place God’s Word in the position of preeminent authority in their lives. His Word cannot fail, and He tells us in His Word that anger is birthed from fear. This fear is sometimes passed down from generation to generation, and it continues because God’s Word is either not known, not believed, or not lived.

All of us get angry at one time or another, but to have unresolved deep-seated anger is another matter. It suggests that greater focus on God through Christ is needed so that the mind can be renewed, and the Holy Spirit can do his transformative work. Both sexes sometimes have issues that prevent them from seeing their counterparts in the light of Christ. Instead, they are operating from faulty programming that was passed down. It’s entirely possible, in this case, for the woman with silent rage to see her spouse as a threat and not a blessing.

This is problematic because it defies God’s plan for the marital union. It is impossible for our Heavenly Father to make a mistake. You and I make them all the time, but He never does, and we must trust this with our entire being. Psalm 84:11(NLT) tells us, “For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” Our God is our Source of provision and protection. He doesn’t withhold any goodness from the man and woman that is committed to do what is right. So, as a woman of God who has a heart to do what is right, you must trust God to present you with a man that has a heart to do what is right as well. This is an anointing and grace that only God can provide. And if we trust Him to make this provision available to us, we must also trust Him as we totally and completely surrender any anger and bitterness operating in our hearts.

It’s not about you fixing yourself; you can’t. It’s about recognizing that because of the blood of Christ that was shed for our sins, we are cleansed from all unrighteousness. We couldn’t do it, and our Heavenly Father loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us. 1John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. It’s the blood of Christ that cleansed us, this is what we must trust. So, the necessary shift is to cease from trying to be right and accept that we have been made right through Christ, through his blood that was shed for us.

As our understanding and appreciation of what God has done for us through Jesus Christ increases, we are released from the bondage of fear. You can’t place your marriage under the covering of the blood of Christ if you’re not walking in it yourself. Order was restored through the blood! This order means that as a woman that believes God, you are completely sold out to His provision. You understand that GOD is your Provider and Protector! HE gives you grace and glory through Christ, and it gets expressed through the man, because the man is the conduit by which God administers His blessing to you. YOU, likewise, are the conduit by which God administers His blessing to the man.

Ecclesiastes 7:9(NLT) tells us, “Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.” Being easily provoked to anger makes us look foolish because it causes us to lose the blessings we treasure. God’s Word must be obeyed. This must be the heart of the believer, and it is the foundation upon which our hearts are healed, our marriages are secured, and our walk with God is continually infused with His grace and glory.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Marriage Covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 2, 2021
First, Calculate the Cost

How many of us go into relationships with our eyes wide open? Most single Christians would probably say they do, but even those of us that are spiritually mature and desire God’s Will for our lives, end up realizing that our eyes were not as wide open as we had thought. This means that although we included a few expected bumps in the road in our relationship calculations, we didn’t think there would be a cliff we’d have to jump over, and we never imagined it would be so deep and wide. So, it is important for us to adjust our calculations right now, before we take the leap. To do this, we’ve got to look at what Jesus Christ taught us in Luke 14, and then ask ourselves are we willing to pay the price that is required to have a relationship that lasts.

In speaking to two wonderful Christian women recently about their desire for marriage, I was struck by the depth of their desire to have the right man in their lives. They spoke of some of the things they’ve already done to prepare to share their lives with him. One of these women is more seasoned in age and wisdom, but it seemed to me that both are at a point in their lives where they appreciate what the commitment of marriage means. I am committed to pray for them in prayer. As a single Christian woman, you must know how profoundly important it is for you to be praying for someone who desires the same thing as you. In truth, the mandate of the love of Christ dictates that you ought to be praying for them more than you pray for yourself.

Jesus Christ said in Luke 14:28(NLT), “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” He was speaking to a large crowd that followed him but did so for the wrong reason. They saw his good works—the miracles of healing and restoration. They heard his masterful teaching, and they thought they could simply lean on his greatness without having to learn how to demonstrate it themselves. They didn’t assume that the lesson of learning to lift up others would overshadow ‘just leaning’, and this ‘lifting-up’ lesson would cost a great deal to learn.

In Luke 14:26(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.” Some people would look at this and say, “Yikes! This seems harsh!” It isn’t at all when you consider what is at stake. Marriage is God’s institution. This statement is so staggeringly profound that we couldn’t possibly say it enough. Marriage satisfies God’s purpose for the lives of His people. As a person desiring marriage, if you have it in your mind that you’re getting married to service your own needs and take care of your own agenda, you’ve already taken Heavenly Father out of the equation. How can we do this, and at the same time ask Him to bless us to cross paths with our future spouses? That doesn’t work.

The cost that every single believer that desires marriage must pay is the cost of canceling out his or her own personal agenda for the sake of moving God’s agenda forward. Sadly, the reason that we see so many without the thing they want most is because so few are willing to calculate and pay the cost. In Isaiah 55:11(NLT), God said, “It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” God’s Word belongs to Him! He sends it out, He blesses it, and it comes back to Him in the same way He sent it out. He’s given us an incorruptible, unfailing pattern here, and it is the same with everything else. God owns the institution of marriage. HE blesses it for HIS purpose. So, if we are asking Him to give us His blessing, we must pay the cost of using it for His purpose. No better deal exists.

The Word of the Lord is, don’t begin the quest until you count the cost. Don’t begin it until, within your heart of hearts, you’re asking the Holy Spirit to change your heart so that you want what God wants. Don’t begin the quest until you are steadfastly asking the Father what He requires of you and what you must change so that your marriage begins with putting Jesus Christ as the head and keeps him there. If there’s anything in you that isn’t in alignment with the role of wife and the service of a child of light, be willing to lay it down so that you can calculate the cost and pay the price according to the Will of God.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“First, Calculate the Cost”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

October 25, 2021
Oops! Did I Say That?

Proverbs 18:21(NLT) tells us “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” In my opinion, the heft and impact of this truth is grossly overlooked, particularly by those of us desiring to partner in marriage. Like many of you, I’ve read and heard it many times, and it reminds me continually to play close attention to the words I speak. This verse also reminds me of an incident that occurred when I dated someone in my early twenties. He made it very clear how much he cared for me, and while we were on a date one evening, he asked me how I felt about him. I hadn’t yet learned the economy of words or how to filter them through the love of God. If it came to my mind, often it flew from my lips without careful thought. So, when the young man asked me this question, immediately what came out was “You don’t know how to handle me yet.” Even today, I marvel at how immature a statement that was. I chalk it up to youthful arrogance and ignorance.

Needless to say, Proverbs 18:21 hadn’t been rooted in my mind and heart at all in my twenties. Spiritually preparing for marriage means that when the right question is asked, we don’t have to look back to an “oops!” moment, but we respond with the right answer. It’s an answer motivated from a heart that is ripe with the love of Christ. Preparation means that we need to study scripture several times to make sure we understand it; so that the revelation of it really sinks in.

Although Proverbs 18:21 is a simple and short verse, it packs a powerful punch. Our tongues can be weapons that not only hurt others but block our blessings as well. We sometimes forget how easily offensive our words can be. They have the potential to create things or destroy them. And because as women we tend to be more in touch with our emotions, we are also sometimes better at weaponizing this skill for our own purposes. We must be extremely cautious about this—of letting our emotions guide our tongues towards the business of sowing seeds of anger and destruction.

Just as we have certain characteristics and qualities that are baked in, our male counterparts do as well. They were appointed by God to be protectors and providers for their families, and they are instructed by God in Ephesians 5:25 to love their wives as Christ loves the church. We can see that this is a mix of being very strong on one hand, and very tender on the other. As women of God, we are obligated to handle both with care.

It is not easy for anyone to be vulnerable with their emotions, but we should be able to appreciate that this can be especially challenging for many men. Quite naturally we must be prepared for the reality that when a man makes his heart vulnerable, we must respond with an increased sensitivity in how we use our words. This becomes even more important when there are disagreements in the relationship.

The wisdom of Proverbs 21:19(NLT) says, “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.” I know the sting of loneliness. It is indeed a desert, and I couldn’t tolerate even a hint of a possibility that my future husband would be better off there than with me. So, over the years, I committed myself to learn to use my words to build and uplift rather than tearing down. I would love to say that there was no cost to growing spiritually in this area, but that wouldn’t be true. There were steep and challenging circumstances I endured. It was all because I failed to heed God’s instruction and to practice wisdom and economy when it comes to my mouth. I knew that I needed to spiritually grow in this area, not just because I wanted to be a Godly wife, but because I wanted to be my best for God and the agenda of His Kingdom.

When our tongues are undisciplined, we’ll find ourselves repeatedly and regretfully asking “Oops! Did I say that?” It’s a question we’ll ask way more than we’d like, because even we are surprised by what comes out of our mouths. We have a responsibility to trade in this habit as we train ourselves to think and speak words that are pleasing to God. The last thing any of us should ever want to do is injure and hurt with our words. Let’s pray for guidance in this area. I encourage you to ask the Lord to teach you to be more sensitive in your speech and conversation. Then you will be poised to speak life into your husband and family, and in so doing, you will partner with the Lord to help preserve the unity and strength of your marriage. ■

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Oops! Did I Say That?“ written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

October 18, 2021
God’s Seal of Approval

It really breaks my heart to see someone accept less than what they should in relationships. It has absolutely nothing to do with pride but everything to do with what God’s Word declares for His children. God blesses His Word in an undeniable way, and whenever we believe and trust it, His promises can’t help but come to pass. The question facing many of us today is are we truly hungry for God’s Word. Are we hungry for the love and truth that is contained in a relationship with Him through the Lord Jesus Christ? This is such a pivotal question because if at the seat of our hearts, we only want the husband, God knows this; for nothing is hidden from Him. It’s incredibly important to examine our hearts and make sure a seal of approval from God is what we’re after, because this is the fountain from which all His blessings overflow.

In John 6:26-27(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “I tell you the truth, you want to be with me because I fed you, not because you understood the miraculous signs. But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.” Jesus Christ understood that nothing in life is more important than pleasing God. He tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first in all that we do. This is the way to secure the kind of rich and satisfying life that Jesus made available. It’s to pray to God to help us live according to what He says in His Word. We can’t do it on our own, but through the Spirit of Christ that lives within, we can be and do all that God has purposed.

We don’t have time to waste by being consumed with things that are here today and gone tomorrow. We should want to spend our time on eternal matters. This means that we have to be careful about our actions and decisions. It’s sometimes challenging for us because no one likes to feel hopeless or powerless. We want to feel like we’re in control of our lives. When it comes to the crowd that followed Jesus in this record in John 6, I’m sure some of them felt disenfranchised and disappointed in life. They wanted to stop feeling this way. They wanted access to the power that Jesus Christ demonstrated and spoke about, and they asked him how to get it. John 6:29(NLT) says, “Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.””

Jesus Christ is the bread of life! As human beings, we know thirst, and we know hunger. Being hungry signals the brain that the body is lacking or is deficient, because it doesn’t have what it needs. Food is one of life’s most basic necessities, and every human knows how important it is. As we come to a spiritual understanding about Jesus Christ, we must know that our Father created life to need more than the nourishment that comes from food. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 4:4(NKJV), “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’ ” We need God’s Word to live life in all its fullness.

When a beloved sister has been praying to cross paths with her husband for a long time, she may feel hopeless and powerless to change her situation, but here’s the reality: it’s not her responsibility to change it. Philippians 4:19 (NLT) declares, “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” It is God who supplies our needs. Our goal should be to move anything that keeps us from pleasing Him out of the way.

God blesses His Word and all who believe and trust in it. His Word never goes out without accomplishing the thing for which He sent it. Our Heavenly Father’s timing is perfect and Romans 5:5 affirms that the hope we have in Christ will not lead to disappointment. So, you are not asked to have faith in your own ability to supply your needs, because you can’t. From the least to the greatest, everything that you and I enjoy comes from God, and we have it only because He allowed it. You must trust that God has elevated His Word above His name and He will always back His Word. He’s faithful to it. Your responsibility is to be patient, to be obedient to God’s Word, and to trust Him with your whole heart, no matter what. This is what it takes to receive God’s seal of approval, and it is worth more than life itself. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“God’s Seal of Approval” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

October 11, 2021
Come into God’s Light

There are a ton of single women that desire marriage and believe in the accomplished work of Jesus Christ, but they don’t or won’t apply spiritual principles to their marital quest. They don’t believe God has specifically ordained someone to walk with them through the journey of life. They’re not particularly interested in finding out about their purpose, and they haven’t consulted God about what they’re doing to harm or impede their quest. Their approach is one of taking the reins into their own hands. For instance, this woman may come across someone that ignites a certain spark within her. She also piques his interest, and she takes this as her queue to jump in with both feet. In this scenario, SHE made the choice, and then asked God to bless it. What happens next is a toss-up between utter devastation and second best. Both are beneath the privilege of a child of God.

In John 10:10(NKJV), Jesus Christ tells us, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” There are two exponentially important components to the truth our Master speaks in this verse. The first thing he does is let us know that there is a relentless dastardly thief in the earth, and he is the devil. The mission of the devil is to steal, kill, and destroy. We need only look at what is happening in the world today to see his evil intent and realize that he will stop at nothing to reap death and darkness in the earth.

Unity is something satan fears, and he wants to squash it wherever he can. One of the reasons for this is because Jesus Christ has declared in Matthew 18:20 that wherever two or three are gathered in His name, He is in the midst of them. There is power where two are connected in their desire and commitment to honor God through Christ, and the devil does not want this power to manifest. It is one of the chief reasons he attacks marriages—to cancel out any chance of unity among spouses and families.

The enemy knows our weaknesses and how deep our desire for marriage is. Jesus Christ did not keep us in the dark about the devil’s tricks. Our blessed Savior didn’t tell us about the plots of the enemy so we would cower in fear somewhere in a corner. He told us so that we would mount up with faith and arm our quest and future relationship in his authority. We must guard our hearts with God’s love. If we don’t, we won’t recognize the difference between a trick and a blessing.

We must remember that guarding our hearts involves being careful NOT to make emotional connections with someone who hates the light. John 3:20-21(NLT)“All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” When people are intent on staying hidden in an evil nature, they don’t want this exposed. We may not perceive them as harmful, but one day down the road, they will show us what lies beneath the surface and it will be horrible. God wants to protect us from this, and He does it by guiding our desire and quest for marriage. As we seek His counsel on every decision and choice, He will keep our feet from falling into satan’s plot. He’ll prevent us from being tricked into entertaining a demon spirit rather than an angel spirit.

Just because a man is nice doesn’t mean that he’s of God. Even believers that have been on this journey in Christ for a while can be deceived. Discernment comes from God. He communicates information to the Holy Spirit within us, and the Holy Spirit communicates this information to our human-spirit. This is the communication system God has created. Our arrogance, impatience, pride, and refusal to pay attention to the Holy Spirit will block this information. This is how we lose the ability to discern.

1Thessalonians 5:5(NLT) tells us, “For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night.” We are children of God’s light. When you love the Lord, and carry His love in your heart, it will attract light to you and dispel the darkness around you. Through his example and the multitudes that followed him, Jesus Christ showed us that the light also brings out the haters—those who do evil and hate the light, because they allow themselves to be used by the devil. You may ask, “How do I know if they hate the light?” Jesus Christ told us Luke 6:44 that a tree is known by the fruit it bears. Pray that the Lord will open your eyes to the person’s fruit.

We won’t recognize light in another person if we’re not walking in it ourselves. Our Lord and Savior didn’t mince words when it comes to light and darkness. There’s a difference between the two, and knowledge of the distinction impacts where we’ll spend eternity. Recognize that the consequences of being invested in a child of darkness are very painful and can potentially influence the rest of your life. God doesn’t want you to be hurt this way. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to the earth to make a more than abundant life available to you, and you can have it if you walk by the Spirit.

Reach out and grab what’s yours by letting your decisions and choices regarding who and how to develop a relationship be guided by God. He already knows the person that will fit into the destiny and plan He has for your life. Bring your desire into the light of His wisdom and let your faith in Him rest in the reality that He will not fail. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Come into God’s Light” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

October 4, 2021