Find A Christian Man

Author: findchristianman

Do I Stay or Do I Go?

Eloise was approaching a milestone birthday and was planning for it a month in advance. She was excited because this year, she had someone new in her life. Eloise had been single way longer than she wanted to be, and she had done what many singles do, and that’s put certain aspects of their lives on hold until marriage. She didn’t go to certain functions because she didn’t like not having someone by her side, and there were also vacation spots, like Hawaii, that she put on hold so she could share them with her future spouse. She even put off purchasing a home, because again, in her mind this is something you do with your husband. Wanting and waiting to share special memories with a spouse is beautiful, but living life to the fullest is something we should do whether we’re married or not.

As the days grew closer to her birthday, Eloise noticed that the man in her life hadn’t mentioned any plans. She hoped this was because he had been planning to surprise her. She looked for subtle hints in their conversations, but nothing surfaced, and she began to get nervous. Finally, a couple of days before her big day, he called during her lunch break at work. Before their conversation ended, she casually reminded him of her birthday and asked if they’d be doing anything together. In a very matter of fact manner, he replied, “It’s up to you. If you want to go out, we can.” Not quite the response she was looking for.

As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, the one aspect of our lives that you and I have to get right is the commitment and action of love. One day, an expert in Jewish law asked Jesus Christ which of the commandments is most important. In Mark 12:30-31(NLT), Jesus responded, “30 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Not only is it important that we love in the way that Christ has commanded, but it is important that we love ourselves this way as well. When we love ourselves, there are certain things we simply won’t accept. This increases our faith and causes the same quality self-love to boomerang back to us.

Romans 5:8(NLT) tells us, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” This verse tells us of God’s unconditional, unlimited love. When we become born-again, and receive the Spirit of Christ, we then have God’s love deposited within. The more we learn about Heavenly Father, the more we are able to love like Christ. This is God’s goal for each of us. He wants us to love Him, to love others, and to love ourselves through the love of Jesus Christ.

So, God doesn’t just tell us to love Him and others, through Jesus Christ, He actually showed us how to get this done. He sent His only begotten Son to earth to show us the way. As women who love God, many of us have taken this and ran with it. We are committed to continue learning to love like Christ. We practice this in our relationships, because we love like we want to be loved. We’re thoughtful and considerate, and we go out of our way to make sure the special person in our lives feels appreciated. If we’re not getting this back, that should be a wake-up call.

You see, Heavenly Father knows that when we are confident in our understanding of the love of Christ, we are then better able to set boundaries and wisely define our expectations. We understand our worth to God, and therefore, we won’t accept treatment that isn’t in alignment with God’s love for us. This isn’t about ego. When you are confident in your own ability to love like Christ, you can then recognize and look for the exit sign when someone isn’t loving you that way in return.

Eloise shared with her boyfriend from the very beginning that her desire was to be married. He didn’t run from it, but he hadn’t done anything to lead her to believe he wanted marriage as well. When her birthday finally arrived, her boyfriend took her out for a nice dinner. After dinning, she told him how much she enjoyed their evening. She also said she hoped it was the start of their future together. His response was, “I hear what you’re saying, but you don’t have to constantly remind me!”

She was crushed by his words. She hadn’t nagged him, but sometimes the tension of desperation doesn’t need to be spoken in order to be felt. It was clear that he wouldn’t be as thrilled to share those special moments with her as she had always dreamed. So, the question she found herself facing was should she stay in the relationship and continue to hope, or does she cut all ties and move on with her life, committed to live it to the fullest.

It takes some of us a while to learn that seeking and pursuing God’s Will first is the best way to love ourselves and to live a fulfilling life. A caring and supportive spouse is one of God’s sweet rewards, but just because a man is interested, it doesn’t mean he’s the reward. We must continue to have faith and trust in Heavenly Father that the right one will come. God knows what is best, and at the end of the day, we should only want what He wants for us. It will be a person who mirrors His love and adds to the fullness we already have in Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Do I Stay or Do I Go?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 4, 2021
God Sees the Best in You

When Lisa met her boyfriend Ryan, she was the heaviest she’d ever been. She was always a plus-size woman, but she thought that if she trimmed down, maybe Ryan would find her more attractive. Men are notoriously visual creatures, and some are attracted only by physical appearance, but not all men are this way. Ryan wasn’t focused on Lisa’s waistline, as a matter of fact, he thought she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever met. Lisa’s self-esteem was so affected by how she had been treated in other relationships, that she didn’t have confidence in herself or her relationship with Ryan. She thought if he knew about her battle with self-esteem and weight, he might find her less attractive. She was shocked when she learned the truth about how he really felt.

Our struggles with self-esteem cannot help but spill over into our relationships with the significant man in our lives. Insecurities can manifest in all sorts of ways in a relationship—ways that you and I can never predict. Insecurities can show up as jealousy, apathy, obsession, and distrust. Sometimes these things drive a wedge that ultimately result in the demise of the relationship. It’s a fear of not being good enough the way we are. All of us should do things to improve our health and well-being, but we should do it because we love and appreciate ourselves, not because we’re trying to please someone else.

If we pray and have faith, the Lord Jesus Christ will help us manage the journey to wholeness and feeling good about ourselves, but we should know that it is indeed a journey. For some, it takes longer than others to get to a place of self-acceptance; and as we travel to this place, we still have to keep growing spiritually and fulfilling our obligations to the faith. Dealing with insecurities, while also maintaining a relationship you hope will lead to marriage, takes an unwavering commitment to be guided by the Lord. He desires that you have someone in your life that is understanding and will support you through the process of learning to appreciate yourself.

Many of us pay a lot of attention to the way we look. We’ll go the extra mile to ensure we’re keeping up with the latest trends in fashion and beauty, because we want to look our best. I believe Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy looking and feeling as good as we can, however, like anything in life, some of us take it to the extreme. We either become too hard on ourselves about our appearance, or we obsess about looking perfect. The danger is that whenever anything consumes too much of our energy, it subtracts from the energy we should be expending on our spiritual growth and relationship with God.

In Hebrews 12:1(NLT), the Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Nothing comes before our destiny in Christ, and nothing should come before carrying forth the purpose for which we were born. Every believer has a race to run, and it is important to God that we be about the business of running it.

When God tells us to strip off the sin that weighs us down, insecurities and obsessions are very definitely included in the stuff we need to get rid of. God knows our past, present, and future; this is something that must always be in the forefront of our minds. When relationships fall apart, or when you meet someone you dig and he doesn’t dig you, if you remember that God’s objective is for you to fulfill your destiny, you won’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll be confident that things didn’t work out because this person isn’t meant to journey forward with you.

Genesis 1:27 tells us that God created human beings in His own image. If we look a little deeper, Psalm 8:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. 6 You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority—”This is how Heavenly Father sees us. When He looks upon our lives, He doesn’t see our flaws. He sees the Christ in us; therefore, He sees the best in us. He knows that you’re on the way to becoming who He’s destined you to be.

He presents us with a person that will help us—a person that will help to strengthen our strengths and diminish our weaknesses. This is who Ryan was to Lisa. God presented her with someone that wouldn’t run when he saw parts of her that she didn’t want anyone to see. About six months into their relationship, he said “I’ve noticed you’ve lost weight lately; is there a particular reason why? I’m only asking because I want you to know that I love you—I loved you before you lost the weight and I love you if you never lose a pound. You’re beautiful either way to me.”

The words that Ryan spoke were incredibly healing to her soul. This is what God means when He commands the man to love His wife as Jesus Christ loves the church. It’s an unconditional love that strengthens and helps us fulfill the Will of God for our lives. We should never doubt that when we’re patient and committed to pray and seek God’s Will, He’ll send a person across our paths that will mirror His love for us. It’s someone who helps us on our journey towards healing and wholeness. And it’s also someone who’s love will remind us continually that God wants the best for us, and He’s faithful to honor His promises.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“God Sees the Best in You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 26, 2021
The Tongue of the Wise

Hebrews 11:6 tells us that our Heavenly Father is a Rewarder to those that diligently seek Him. This should be important to us because all of us should want to please God, and all of us like rewards. They are the subject of many of our prayers. We desire and want blessings that will bring us fulfillment, and we also believe these blessings will help us express ourselves more fully. It’s one of the reasons we desire to partner with a compatible person. We should have confidence that God also desires this for us. He wants to bless us with a wonderful partner that we can share our lives with. Heavenly Father wants this person to be a blessing to us, and He also requires that we be a blessing to them as well. Again, this is His requirement; it’s not a suggestion. You and I can never underestimate the value God places on diligence and stewardship. Spiritual preparation is key to planning for a successful marriage, because God requires that we demonstrate discipline in the areas that keep a marriage strong. One of these areas concerns our mouths—what we say, how we say it, and when we say it.

“Hey, what’s up big guy.” This is what Vicki says to Jimmy whenever she sees him. She totally ignores the fact that he’s lost over 100lbs and has kept this weight off for the last three years. It doesn’t matter when or where she sees him, the first words out of her mouth is ‘big guy’, and he hates it! He’s never told her how much it irritates him to hear those words after the struggle he endured to lose all that weight. He said to me, “Vicki is just a co-worker and she’s not someone that I run into that much, but it just shows me that no matter how much you try to change your life, some people will still only see what they want to see.”

How many of us have done this? Proverbs 12:18(NLT) tells us, “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” As believers, most of us understand that we shouldn’t deliberately make cutting remarks that can potentially hurt someone’s feelings, but some of us tend to do this without realizing it. When Jimmy told me how he felt about Vicki’s comments, his words hurt my heart, and he’s right; people see what they want to see. Sometimes, they need something to wake them up and to stop them in their tracks, so they’ll look at their actions and change.

As someone’s future spouse, it is important to remember that everyone isn’t at the same level of spiritual maturity. By the same token, everyone isn’t at the same level of emotional maturity. We all have tender places in our hearts where wounds still exist. Hurtful words can cause a world of damage, and although we can apologize for them, we can never take those hurtful words back. Proverbs 18:21(KJV) tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” As believers, our responsibility to the faith is to speak life. In Ephesians 4:32, God tells us to be kind and tenderhearted to each other. We are to be models of Christ before our spouses, God requires it. If we have an attitude of carelessness as it relates to what comes out of our mouths, then we need to change this so we can be the spiritually mature spouses God desires us to be.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Tongue of the Wise”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 15, 2021
Weeding Out What Isn’t Working for You

I’m letting you know up front that this is going to be one of those teachings that encourages you to keep on fighting for the life you want, but I’m also aiming to do something else. I’m going to tell you what God says we must do in order to obtain and maintain the blessing we’re praying so fervently to possess. It is a message for those that are single, and they are praying to cross paths with the person God is going to present to them. The emphasis should be placed on the reality that God is the One to make the presentation. He takes care of this part. The believer’s responsibility in the situation is to believe. “To believe what?”, you might ask. We must believe God’s Word. This is critical to securing the marital union you desire. And one of the major reasons why it is so critical may be something you’ve never thought about.

If you’ve been single for a while, you’ve learned a few things about what works and what doesn’t work. How do you know what doesn’t work? The only way that you and I can judge if something isn’t working is to stack it up against the truth of God’s Word. Our beautiful single and saved sisters will go to classes, seminars, and try several ways to secure what they desire, but the question to ask is whether those things are actually in the Will of God for your life. The world offers many gimmicks for getting what we want most, but problems are not solved by gimmicks; they are band aids. Only the Word of God can solve problems.

There are times when you feel as though you’re getting close. You may sense that something has shifted in your flow, and you start to feel optimistic about things. Then, after a while, when nothing pans out, it just takes the wind right out of you. In a situation like this, the foundation of hope and optimism slips from beneath your feet, and your heart sinks yet again. But that’s just it, sisters in Christ, these feelings show us the kind of foundation we were building our hope on. In other words, the foundation you thought you had, and the foundation God expects to see in you are sometimes two different things.

Whether it is firm or shaky, our whole lives are resting on a foundation. The foundation that God expects to see in us is one built on Jesus Christ. He especially wants to see this in us before we get married. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 7:24-25(NIV), “24 Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

When something is taking a really, really long time to come to pass, this might be a hint that weeding out what isn’t working for you is the best course of action. The critical piece of information that you and I must know is that God cannot reward us if we refuse to make our foundation strong. If our foundation is shaky, it can’t hold the weight of the blessing we seek. This is something most of us never consider. The key to unlocking the door to blessings is following the Will of God for your life. There is absolutely no compromise on this truth. Heavenly Father desires us to grow in the example of Jesus Christ, and God never gives up on His plans. Our desire for marriage is not as important as God’s Will being done.

Moses told God’s people in Deuteronomy 4:9(NIV), “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Longevity, permanence, and unfailing are Heavenly Father’s trademarks. Eternity is His brand and it is always on His mind. He is interested in preserving His Word so that people will have it in their hearts forever. This is why there must not be a compromise in our minds and hearts when it comes to the perfection of His Word. The world cannot tell us what is right. The standard of God’s Word must be our aim, and when our commitment is unmovable when it comes to what God says, the blessings we desire most are sure to come.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Weeding Out What Isn’t Working for You” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 5, 2021
I See You!

1 Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is not the author of disorder, confusion, or chaos, but He is the One True God of peace. This yummy morsel of knowledge is extremely consequential to any believer’s quest to partner with the person that God will present to them. If we start the journey towards marital partnership from a place of disorder, confusion, and chaos, we will more than likely witness results that come with these attributes. We will meet with frustration and perhaps even exasperation. A better way is to check out what God has to say on the matter BEFORE we begin this quest, because the bottom line is that He is the One who does the presentations. If we’re faithful to His Word, He will present us with the person who will love us the way we deserved to be loved.

I don’t know many believers today that haven’t read or haven’t heard about the verses in Genesis 3:8-9(NLT), where Adam and Eve hid from God. It tells us, “8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” You and I can never, ever forget that our destiny in Christ must be the focal point of our motivation every day. We have a destiny! It is the storage container for everything in life we’re supposed to do, everything we’re supposed to be, and everything we’re supposed to have. Nothing about us and the life we’re destined to live is hidden from God. He knows every nook and cranny of our existences. It’s impossible to hide from Him. When Heavenly Father called out to Adam and said, “Where are you, Adam?” Of course God knew Adam’s physical location. He called out to Adam in this way because Adam had lost his identity. He betrayed his destiny by allowing the devil to steal it. Adam was no longer the person God created him to be. He had lost his sacred connection to Heavenly Father—he lost his holiness.

When God looks at us, He is looking to see the Christ in us; for Colossians 3:3 affirms that our real life is hidden in Jesus Christ. If our character, behaviors, attitudes, and lifestyles are not aligned with the person we are destined by God to be, the question to us is “where are you?” God has blessings to give us, but if we’re hiding from the truth of who we are, those blessings can’t find us.

I play hide-and-seek with my daughter, and she loves to hunt for the perfect spot to hide. But when I find her on every occasion, she grows tired of the game rather quickly. We, too, will get tired of the game, and many of us will throw up our hands in despair, thinking that God isn’t cooperating with our efforts to get married. Many of us wear ourselves out playing the game of trying to hide our sins from God and from the rest of the world. We can’t be hidden in Christ and hidden in sin at the same time. We may tell ourselves that we can continue doing what we’ve always done, and that God will excuse it or give us a pass, but God doesn’t play games. He says what He means and means what He says. He sees all and knows all, nothing is hidden from Him. He has commanded that we honor Him by obeying His Word, and He will not reward us when we don’t.

Our Heavenly Father knows our thoughts, good and bad. He knows what we’re going to do before we even think about doing it. He still chooses to love us. He doesn’t stop loving us when we don’t do what He expects. But we should know that He desires us to stop trying to hide our sins; instead we should just stop sinning. He has empowered us through Jesus Christ, and we are who God says we are. There should be no more hiding behind the lies of sin. It is a shame for God’s daughters to persist year after year without marital partners to love and honor them. God wants us to come out of this shame and stop allowing the fear of loneliness and lack to rule over us. This isn’t who we are.

God sees the real ‘you’. This is the person you are destined to become. This is the wife you are destined to become. For the benefit of your soul, consider taking a break from all negativity, and use the time to draw near to Heavenly Father. Ask Him what you should be doing, how you should be doing it, and when you should do it. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you along the path to marriage and trust the Lord Jesus Christ to steer your life in the direction he desires. Don’t allow anything to be a roadblock to the life God desires you to have. Let your life be hidden in Christ so that when it comes to your blessings, God never has to ask, “where are you?”

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“I See You!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 29, 2021
Our Unlimited Treasure

In his parable in Matthew 13:44(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field.” Can you imagine going out into a field and stumbling on a hidden treasure? If you’re a person of great wealth already, you might not be as thrilled to find this treasure as someone that is living paycheck to paycheck. But imagine that this treasure is more than monetary or financial blessings. It’s the treasure of your greatest heart’s desire. Perhaps it’s the spouse you’ve been waiting to meet, or the friends you’d like to have in your life. Maybe it’s good health or restoration of something precious that you’ve lost. Whatever the treasure is, it is beyond valuable to you, so much so that when you find it in a field, you’re beside yourself with joy. You can’t take this treasure with you because it’s too vast for your arms to carry, so you make sure it’s hidden away in the field, so that it’s well kept until you come back for it.

A parable is a simple story that is used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, and Jesus Christ often used them. They were easy to understand for those who were not quite able to grasp the deeper spiritual meaning. It was relatable and easy for people to envision someone being overjoyed about finding a treasure, because most of us would be ecstatic about this. But this parable requires us to go a little deeper than whats on the surface. In order to grasp what Jesus conveyed through first, the treasure; second, the fields; and third, what it took to secure them, we must seek to have a greater understanding, particularly for those who desire to know the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven.

In another verse, Matthew 6:21, Jesus Christ talked about treasure as well. He tells us that wherever our treasure is, our hearts will be there with it. This means that you and I go after what we treasure most. If we treasure material riches, we’ll pursue that. If we treasure relationships with others, we’ll pursue those. Jesus is pointing out to us that the Father sees us according to our hearts; this is what speaks the truth about who we are. In other words, God knows what we value most by what we treasure in our hearts.

In Matthew 13:44, Jesus very clearly tells us that the Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure. In truth, the Kingdom of Heaven is far greater than any treasure you and I can imagine, because the Kingdom of Heaven can’t be limited by our human understanding. However, so that we can comprehend on some level the enormous and unlimited value of the Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus tells us it is LIKE a treasure. It is a treasure that has no equal, so when a man finds it in the field, he has stumbled upon something for which his excitement is unbridled.

The question for us is whether we have this level of excitement for the things of the Kingdom, because God expects to see it. He tells us in 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT), “The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” The eyes of God continually and consistently probe the earth, looking to land on the person who has a heart that is loyal and committed to Him. When He finds a person with this kind of heart, His strength and power is unleashed on this person’s behalf.

So many of us are wondering why we’re not witnessing a mighty move of God in our circumstances, yet, we get up every morning with a pessimistic view of our lives and everything in it. We’re complaining about one thing or another, and excitement about being a part of the Kingdom of Heaven is the furthest thing from our minds. So, when His eyes land upon us, He doesn’t see unbridled gratitude and excitement about being His child. Instead, for many of us He sees our choice to let dissatisfaction, worry, resentment, phobias, fears, grief, loneliness, and doubt consume our souls.

1Corinthians 4:20(NLT) tells us, “For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.” Many of us don’t get excited because we lack faith that God has empowered us to live with His power. We have the wrong vision of ourselves; and therefore, since we have the wrong vision of ourselves, we have the wrong vision of God. We must understand the impact of our feelings and thoughts; we must comprehend the colors they paint on the portrait of our faith.

The Kingdom of Heaven is our unlimited treasure, and it is worth losing everything we own to obtain it. Understand that it isn’t enough to say that we think we know this; the evidence is at the very core of who we are. The way we truly feel about God’s Kingdom is evidenced in everything we do, think, feel, and say; there’s no faking this. So every day, you and I should make a commitment to ask the Lord Jesus Christ to help us in this area. We must grow in our understanding of the treasure we have within through our relationship with God through Christ. We must invite the Holy Spirit to do a work within, so we have a greater revelation of what God has given us, and a greater level of gratitude and excitement for being the recipients of His unlimited treasure.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Our Unlimited Treasure” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 22, 2021
Forgetting the Things of the Past

We should never judge a book by its cover. This is one of those golden rules, and it truly is one to live by. Judging something solely on the basis of what appears externally can be a costly mistake, and many single women can testify to this. A person can be pleasing to the eye, but what’s going on inside of them can tell a completely different story. When you’re dating someone like this, it can be the most disappointing thing. The person looked to have it all together, but after getting to know them a little better, something just isn’t quite right. Regardless of how a person looks, when there’s an incompatibility between souls, it leads to all kinds of complications. This is a lesson that should prompt us to look in the mirror, because many of us look the part of a woman that’s got it going on, but on the inside, we’re burdened and suffering. Many of us never stop to think that our refusal to let some things go may be blocking us from the blessings we are destined to receive.

We all know women who hide behind their pain. Marilyn is one of them. The odd thing is that she’s someone that no one would ever suspect is unhappy. She’s 39 years old and married with two children. She’s been a high school teacher for many years, and all her students love her. Her husband adores her as well, and she is a very loving mother, but Marilyn is also a very sad woman on the inside. Her bathroom shower is her place of solace, and there she cries her heart out just about every night. She is very tired of feeling sad but doesn’t trust that anything can make it better.

Thoughts of her past are tormenting. She copes with it during the day by keeping as busy as possible, but at night the memories come flooding back in. Something happened years ago that shook her to her core, and she refuses to allow anyone to see her pain, not even her husband of fourteen years.

It is shocking to think that a person can function with this much pain and do everything within their power to keep it from everyone else. The truth is that many of us do this because we’ve never learned how not to do it. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14(NLT), “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Whether we know it or not, God is giving us a strategy for handling a troubling past, and Paul proved that it works, because if anyone had a troubling past, it was him. Paul trusted Christ, and through God’s grace, he put his past behind him.

He tells us that we have to focus, and this focus comes in two steps: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Both of these work together, but sometimes we make a habit of looking back. The fear of looking forward has tripped many of us because we think we might be disappointed if we get our hopes up. It’s just like meeting a very attractive person and discovering they have a really yucky personality. It’s a let-down, but that doesn’t mean that every attractive person is this way. There are some people that are beautiful on the outside and inside. So, something horrible may have happened in the past, but we shouldn’t give the past so much power that it shapes and molds our futures.

In 1Corinthians 3:10, Paul said that God had given him the grace to be a wise master builder, and because of this empowerment, he had laid a foundation. This is what you and I must do as well. We must build on the foundation laid by Jesus Christ, and the way to do this is to have faith that he will bless us and keep us surrounded in his safety. In John 10:10, Jesus Christ said that he left the throne of God and came to earth to make a more than abundant life available to us. It is up to you and I to walk in faith and manifest this abundance. We can have fulfillment, liberty, and love in our lives through Christ, and we must be sold out on the truth of this. We can do it, because God said it can be done. We don’t have to get stuck in the past because we are afraid to be happy in the present, but this is what Marilyn did. She was afraid of so many things, and she worried all the time. Nothing made her happy, and she expected to always be disappointed, no matter the situation. She would not allow her heart to trust Jesus Christ.

Trusting Jesus Christ with our pain is the solution! We don’t have to walk around with a bad attitude and allow pain to paint our hearts with darkness and fear. We can choose to forget the past! Jesus Christ instructs us in Matthew 11:28-30(NIV), “28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” The rest that Jesus Christ gives us is spiritual. It’s supernatural, which means it bypasses our understanding. Our only responsibility is to simply surrender to his care.

Meeting the special person that God has ordained for our lives is truly a blessing. We want them to be compatible with us, but we should honor the reality that they will want the same thing. Meeting someone that is one thing on the outside but something completely different on the inside isn’t anyone’s ideal soulmate, so we should do everything in our power not to be someone like that. Wear the love of Jesus Christ by accepting it totally and letting it saturate your heart. Don’t cling to the past, cling to him, because you can’t do both. Release your burdens to him, and trust in the blessings that God has in store for your life. You can do it because Jesus Christ says you can. Focus on trusting him and you’ll be amazed at the difference it will make in your life.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Forgetting the Things of the Past” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 15, 2021
It’s Time to Get Off This Bumpy Ride

2Thessalonians 3:15(NLT) gives us a tremendous jewel of comfort. It says “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.” This verse is so comforting that we might forget to absorb the wisdom of it. Heavenly Father is a God of peace. He reiterates this for us in 1Corinthians 14:33, which again tells us that He’s not the author of confusion or disorder but of peace. This aspect of God’s nature is very important to us because we are blessed when we bring forth His peace into chaotic situations and conditions. But sometimes, even though we try to be peace makers, people will reject the peace of God. They don’t want any part of His peace, because it will mean they have to accept the responsibility that comes with it. This rejection can be particularly hurtful, and potentially harmful, when the person who rejects God’s peace is the most significant person in your life.

In the beginning of a relationship, both people are usually on their best behaviors. You are learning each other’s mannerisms and quirks and trying to build a friendship that deepens as time progresses. Sometimes women are less patient with this process than their male counterparts. This is especially true if she has been without a partner for a while. I remember hearing a dear sister say that she’s never been the kind of woman that turns the heads of most men. She’s always been the one that they see as just a friend. So, when she first met her current boyfriend and he took notice of her, she threw caution to the wind and leaped into the relationship full force.

The problem with this is that sometimes both people do not want the same things and haven’t come to a true understanding about this. As God’s daughters, naturally we want to be a blessing in our ministries as wives and mothers. And not only this, we want the promises of God to be manifested in our lives. He loves us, and we know that He desires our happiness more than we desire it for ourselves. We are dedicated to trusting that God will bless a marital union with someone that values us as a compatible, loyal, and committed life partner. This is our expectation, and it is a realistic one. However, it can potentially create disharmony in a relationship when the other person doesn’t want the same thing.

Have you ever been on a roller-coaster ride? This is essentially what a relationship of disharmony feels like. It’s the feeling of creeping up to the top of the ride, plunging down the other side, turning upside down, and then back up again. This is what it feels like to be in a relationship that has no direction or destination. You’re flip-flopping. At times things feel okay, but deep down you always know they’re not. Often the peace of God is missing in a relationship like this, for God tells us in Amos 3:3(KJV), “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Heavenly Father wants us to receive the blessing of a beautiful marriage, and sometimes the person we’re with just isn’t willing or can’t offer this to us.

Even though we don’t make it blatantly obvious, some of us carry resentment, and its because we won’t face reality. Just beneath the surface is anger because the person we love is refusing to cooperate with our agenda. It comes out in the relationship in many ways. You may continue to tell yourself that the relationship is worth hanging on to and that eventually he will want to get married, but Godly wisdom and perspective is necessary. We must be so careful that we have the courage to have a mind that desires God’s peace more than a piece of a relationship.

God’s peace conveys confidence that we’ll meet a man that equals our capacity to give and love. When we meet him, we’ll know it deep within, and more importantly, he’ll know it too. It is beneath the privilege of God’s daughters to have to try and convince a man we’re worthy of a marriage commitment. At some point we should desire to get off the bumpy, unsteady ride of a relationship that isn’t grounded in the peace of common goals, common love, and common commitment to God and to one another. Want what God has for you, and don’t be afraid to release something that isn’t from Him.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It’s Time to Get Off This Bumpy Ride” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

March 8, 2021
You Will Have It All Again!

There is little in life that is more emotionally painful than going through divorce. For many people, it’s a tremendous loss. God tells us a little bit about how He deals with our losses in the encouragement of Joel 2:25-26(NLT). In this passage He said, “25 I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. 26 Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the LORD your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will my people be disgraced.” The locusts in the verse are symbolic of the devil, for he is a thief who steals ruthlessly, taking all and leaving nothing behind. The latter part of verse 25, where God says that He sent the great destroying army, God is speaking from the perspective of His Permissive Will. We need to know what this means for us, so that new opportunities for love are greeted with a faith that isn’t held back by lingering remnants of fear.

The first five words of this passage are “I will give you back…” This suggests to us that indeed something can be taken away. Loss is a terrible feeling, but there are times in life where we will experience it, and sometimes we wonder why. Why does God allow so much to be taken from us—things that are very important to our sense of well-being? We can become very resentful about this because we’re so sad and hurt. The truth is that when a marriage results in divorce, there were challenges within the marriage that we were not spiritually mature enough to handle. God didn’t fail us. We simply lacked the spiritual strength and knowledge to face our fears and overcome them through faith.

God doesn’t want us to have a pity party and go into self-condemnation about what has transpired in our past. He wants to help us prepare for what is in our futures. The passage in 1Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT) tells us, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Fear will tell us that this is a standard we can’t meet, but the mind of Christ will press us to breach the walls of our comfort zones to love in greater ways. This is the lesson we should all learn from our previous relationships.

Divorce is often an indication of how much the devil was able to use fear as a weapon against us. Sometimes people will say things like, “My Ex was too selfish…” or “We just weren’t ready for that kind of commitment.” We will even blame the other person. Time passes, the pain of the breakup subsides, and we begin to pray for new love. This is wonderful, but if we didn’t examine ourselves in an effort to make sure what happened in the past doesn’t happen in the future, we may lack the humility and growth to enter marriage again.

2Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear; He’s given us a spirit of love, power, and sound mind. These are not just mere words; the spirit of love, power, and sound mind are eternal treasures on which the foundation of any relationship should be built. God has given us these spiritual goodies and we need to grow in them, because the devil will constantly test us to see if fear is present.

Fear belongs to the devil. If it is present in our hearts and we act upon it, it gives the enemy a way to invade our marriages legally. Heavenly Father’s Permissive Will allows these attacks because His provision through Jesus Christ has already given us the armor to stand strong no matter what we face. He commands us to put on ALL the spiritual armor He has provided and keep it on. We must have the courage to ask God if we are fortified in the places we weren’t before. If we aren’t, He will let us know, and He will help strengthen us so that everything we lost in divorce, we can have it all again. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“You Will Have It All Again” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

February 28, 2021
What Are You Waiting For?

The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 11:4-5(NLT) tells us, “Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. 5 Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.” I have always loved this passage because it can be easily and practically applied to daily living. The context of this passage pertains to those who sit back and wait for conditions to be perfect before they prepare their hearts and minds to take care of God’s business. We see this posture quite often in believers, and dare I be so bold as to say, we see it very prominently displayed in many single men. Some will say they must be more financially secure before they seek a wife, or they need to get all the ‘playerism’ out of their systems before they make that matrimonial move. It’s important for us to use the wisdom of God’s Word when this game is being played. Then we can put the ball in God’s court, so that we don’t end up on the sidelines when it comes to marriage and living the dream.

Heavenly Father uses the practicality of a farmer in His Word because every human that is living, or who has ever lived, is on this earth to sow. If we fail to understand or engage this element of our responsibility as God’s children, we miss the whole ball of wax. There’s so much labor involved in farming, and it ain’t easy. It’s sometimes arduous work. Now, a farmer that’s NOT on the grind and isn’t about business will use any excuse to prolong the wait. He or she will not even go out into the fields until they think conditions are prime for it. A diligent farmer will rise early and get to work no matter the conditions. She or he has learned to be productive, rain or shine. They can make do whether the harvest is plentiful or small.

The context of Ecclesiastes 11:4-5 also reveals something about our expectations. To sow is to invest. It is to plant something with the expectation that it will yield something greater. Sisters, this is a very important definition to consider. Sometimes, we give the best we have to offer to a man, including our bodies; and he’s not even the one. We make this overwhelming investment with no indication of yielding the return that such a hefty investment is due. We don’t get the courtship. We don’t get his time. We don’t get to know his loved ones. We don’t get sweet and sentimental gifts, and we don’t get a ring. We were farmers, but not on good ground.

Good ground is ground with a track record of producing beneficial crops. So, the logical thing to do for anyone seeking to be a spouse is to make sure they are good ground, that they have done what is required of them by the Lord Jesus Christ. They’ve committed themselves to good deeds, because we know from James 2:14 that if we say we have faith but haven’t done the good works to back it up, then our faith is dead. What good to a marriage is dead faith?

We are God’s children; this means that we already have all we need to be powerful and impactful human beings on this earth. We don’t have to wait on anything to get good deeds done – we just have to DO! Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we’re God’s workmanship, that He created us in Christ Jesus specifically to perform good works. So, we have to ask ourselves if we’re good ground according to God’s standard. If we are, then the right farmer will certainly recognize it.

What are you waiting for? You’re waiting on God to bring your harvest! But this means you had to have planted some good seeds of good works. Heavenly Father designed things in such a way that we are both farmers at times, and good ground at others. As believers that desire a good and lasting marriage, we ought to be sowing seeds that please God. We’re not doing it solely for the benefit of finding a spouse. We should be doing it because that’s what Heavenly Father has asked us to do. The investments we make to share, give, and love others according to the example of Christ will set us up for future blessings.

Do yourself a great favor and continue to prepare for your harvest. Recognize that the good deeds you do for the Lord are adding up. As a farmer, you can’t expect that every seed will sprout at God’s appointed time. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 9:38 that God is in charge of the harvest. He will reward you with a spouse that is worthy of your investment. Until then, keep planting good deeds, and don’t let any lazy farmers play around with your good ground. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“What Are You Waiting For?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

February 21, 2021