Find A Christian Man

Blog

  • Committed to the Commitment

    Committed to the Commitment

    Recently, I heard a famous person say that the reason why his marriage didn’t last was because neither he nor his ex-wife were committed to the commitment of marriage. This blew me away! I’d never heard someone pinpoint the issue in their broken relationship so candidly. There was no blaming, hiding behind excuses or dodging responsibility, just a realization of the truth. Most people that get married, or those that have a deep desire to marry, don’t go into the commitment thinking they won’t remain committed. They go into it with an expectation that feelings and emotions they’ve experienced during the initial stage of their relationship will sustain them through any obstacles, and that these feelings will continue to grow and deepen. Many of us never really think through the possibility or inevitability that our feelings will change, and we need to manage this change in order for the relationship to thrive.

    Marriage can be as beautiful and fulfilling as God ordained it to be, but He didn’t create us to be robots, so He won’t overstep or manipulate our feelings and emotions when we’re headed for trouble. This is an area that He’s given us the authority and dominion to govern by walking in the example of Jesus Christ. The reality is that we will make mistakes, and for many of us, our greatest relationship mistakes rests within the realm of our emotions.

    We are born with sin in our bodies, and we are born into a sinful world. It is 100% guaranteed that we will have issues at some point. We’ve got some ingrained shortcomings passed down to us through generational sin, and these things can quickly spawn negative habit patterns. They can eventually turn into strongholds as we mature and develop into adults. A whole lot of us are oblivious to this. We don’t think about the impact of entrenched patterns, nor do we think about the emotional fall-out from having someone infringe upon them, or how we will be changed by a person continually posing the threat of triggering something we don’t like.

    In Job 3:25, Job said that the thing that he feared most had come upon him. This is a lesson for us, whether we’re interested in marriage or not. Internal sore spots and wounds are ways of describing the condition of what the heart carries. The heart has storage capacity. It’s a treasury; it holds stuff, and sometimes it holds the wrong stuff. Remember when Adam and Eve sinned, and when God asked him about it, Adam said, “It’s the woman you gave me, she made me do it!” Sin ushered in shame. Before they sinned, there was no knowledge of shame and no experience of it. Their sin caused them to have this emotion, because the knowledge of evil was in their hearts and minds. This knowledge opens the door for all kinds of remnants of fear. This is what shame is, it is a derivative of fear.

    Adam deflected to Eve because he didn’t want to go to the place of accountability and responsibility. It was painful, and he didn’t want to experience pain. He didn’t want to own the reality that he had violated God’s Word, bowed to the devil, and disappointed Heavenly Father. The darkness of his action was just too heavy for him to deal with. This is how those of us living today handle our baggage as well. Part of our self-preservation tactic is to deflect, blame or lash-out when a nerve is struck so that we don’t have to revisit or touch the sore place in our hearts.

    This is one of the reasons God gives single people that are praying to be married a good bit of time these days prior to marriage. He wants us to deal with some of the issues that might hinder us from choosing the destiny partner He has ordained. Many of us are raised with values that don’t lend themselves to accepting responsibility and acknowledging our stuff. We don’t surrender it to the Lord Jesus Christ. Instead, we cover it up and make excuses. God has commanded that we renew our minds to the mind of Christ. This means cultivating a different way of viewing and dealing with remnants of fear.

    Ephesians 5:33(NLT) tells us, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” A good friend of mine gave me some really good advice that will help keep God’s command in Ephesians 5:33. She said “Keep God at the center of your union, love on each other as much as possible, and don’t sweat the small stuff.” It takes prayer and a willingness to follow the leadership of the Holy Spirit to come to a place in our walk in Christ where we don’t sweat the small stuff.

    When two people become one, a process takes place. You just don’t get married one day and have your oneness solidified in your hearts and minds the next. You have to go through some ups and downs in life together, so that your commitment and faith in God is purified by the fire. The reality is that it’s possible and likely that your partner will hurt you in ways you can’t begin to imagine from where you’re standing today. They will know you best, and also know your most vulnerable places. Those places where fear is hiding out will be exposed in a marriage. It ain’t pretty, but we must be anchored in our commitment to God and be willing to allow His love to fill the place where hurt and fear resided. If we’re obedient, our commitment to Him will strengthen our marriages through challenging times.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Committed to the Commitment”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Words You Speak Pack a Powerful Punch

    The Words You Speak Pack a Powerful Punch

    In Luke 6, Jesus Christ teaches us about the importance of having compassion for others. In Luke 6:36, he tells us that we must be compassionate, just as our Heavenly Father is compassionate. This cements the reality that we are to take on the nature of our Dad, and become like His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ in every way. Our Lord and Savior also warns us not to judge others, because if we judge others, we will be judged. If we condemn others, we will be condemned. Jesus tells us to forgive and we will be forgiven. He wants us to realize that the consequence of every negative we put out there will come back to us, and it will sting at a level far greater than our initial negative investment. Jesus Christ cosigns this in Luke 6:38(NLT) when he tells us, “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” This is the law for both good and bad actions.

    Another way of saying this is that for every action there is a reaction. Believers have sat on the sidelines of this truth for many years because they didn’t understand it. Many thought it was new age gobbly-gook, and this is why they didn’t pay close attention to their deeds and words. Now we know better. Everything, from the least to the greatest deed and word that we do and speak will yield a consequence that will impact the kind of future we have. For some, this is too much truth to process. For others, it is simply one more of God’s laws that they will ignore, but for the believer it should represent the ginormous potential that God has given us to access and build for ourselves a more than abundant life. We can help shape our tomorrows by the words we speak today!

    James 3:5-6(NLT) tells us, “5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” To see the reflection of this in your own life, think back to a time when someone said something to you that may have hurt your feelings. Whether it was gossip or negativity from a family member, close friend, or co-worker; think about how it made you feel. Then contrast this with an occasion of hearing words from someone that inspired you, or maybe you received a compliment that made you feel good on the inside. In these instances, a person added or subtracted from you based on something as small as their tongues. They either spoke words of fire from hell or words of love from heaven. Their words may have altered something in your life for all time.

    Words have impact! They pack a powerful punch for the Kingdom of God or for the kingdom of darkness. This is why God tells us to be ever so careful to speak the positives of His Word over our lives, and do not speak death. It’s because words have transformative power! We see this very clearly with the gift of salvation. To receive it, we must believe in the sacrifice and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and we must confess that he is Lord of our lives. Coupled with the belief in our hearts, the words we use to confess that Jesus is Lord and to ask God’s forgiveness transfer us from death to life!

    Many single Christian women have not used their words effectively, because they’ve not understood how their past confessions have either helped or hindered them on the path to marriage. They’ve doubted God’s provision, and we should never do this. We must repent if we have spoken words of unbelief or made wrong confessions. If you have not made a habit pattern of speaking life, now is the time. Purposely allow your conversations to be filled with truth and never as a tool for destruction.

    Our tongue is something to be reckoned with because it’s such a powerful weapon. One mistake you don’t ever want to make is to allow your emotions to get the best of you, to the point you hurt others intentionally with destructive words. This is a habit that must be broken before marriage. Not breaking it means that God’s love isn’t fully developed in our hearts. Our magnet for pulling love to us is greatly hindered when we haven’t renewed our minds in this area.

    Proverbs 18:21(NLT) says, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” As born-again Christians, we have a responsibility to be vigilant about what we speak, when we speak, and how we use our words. If we’re not careful, the words we say can cut deeper than any weapon. It will injure others, and then boomerang right back on us. Find ways to speak life over your own existence, and into the lives of the people around you by uplifting and inspiring them in the goodness of God. Hold fast to the promise of matrimony should you desire it, and continually declare God’s Word, because it will come to pass according to the words you speak to back up your faith.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Words You Speak Pack a Powerful Punch”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Is a Flaw Keeping Your Blessing Hostage?

    Is a Flaw Keeping Your Blessing Hostage?

    Aisha grew up in New Jersey, with three brothers.  Even though she’s the oldest, her younger brothers were always very protective, and they still are today. She’s 43, has never been married, and has been in and out of relationships most of her adult life. She wants a man that makes her feel as protected as she’s always felt with her brothers, but inevitably, she ends up being disappointed. In her view, the men she’s dated haven’t been able to live up to this standard. She swore off dating for a while but is now open to it again. I had a conversation with her a little while ago. She had met someone new at her job and they went out on a date. She told me she experienced a really awkward moment on the date when he asked her a question, and she really struggled to answer it. He wanted to know, “What is a beautiful woman like yourself still doing single?”

    Driving home that night, all Aisha could think about was why she had such difficulty answering this question. In her conversations with girlfriends, she had been accustomed to blaming character flaws in the men for her past failed relationships, but there was something about the manner in which this man asked the question that left no room for blame. She would have to look within for answers, and this was something she hadn’t done to any great degree before.

    Aisha is undeniably a beautiful woman, but her manner at times can be likened to putting a bull in a china cabinet. She has a negative filter when it comes to a lot of things, and she views many people and situations through a very critical lens. Things that would be better left unsaid, she says them; and her criticisms are almost never tempered with love. The thing is, she doesn’t put herself through this same scrutiny.

    All of us have flaws, but we can’t afford to use this as an excuse. There are certain flaws that impede our destinies, cause us to walk outside our purpose, and they cause us to miss out on the blessings God has stored up for us. Ultimately, these particular flaws take us so far outside the Will of God that they harm our relationship with Him severely. These are the flaws and weaknesses that we’re in the earth to address. They spawn the lessons that continue to cycle back until we either learn them or die. Arrogance will always keep us blind to this, but through humility, God will give us the grace to see it.

    Romans 10:9-10 (NLT) tells us, “9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.”  Believing in our hearts and confessing with our mouths are required for the new birth reality. It is the only way to receive salvation. God makes it clear that it is the heart that makes the difference, for this is where love abides. We must swap out the heart that causes harsh judgement and undue criticism against others and exchange it for a heart that welcomes kindness and compassion.

    Ephesians 5:25 tells us that God’s standard is that a man loves his wife just as Christ loves the church. Christ loved the church so much that he offered up his life for her. This allows us to know beyond a shadow of doubt that truly a man can love a woman this way, because God has told us it is so. The question for the woman is whether her heart draws this level of love. It will be challenging to do so if her heart is filled with remnants of fear and darkness.

    Demonstrating the love of God must be at the top of our agenda in life and in relationships. Once we are anchored in it, this love then becomes actively engaged as we give it out, but you can’t give something you haven’t practiced within yourself. When Aisha was asked why she’s still single, she came up with, “I’ve been patiently waiting for the right fit.” It sounds good, but it didn’t feel authentic to her soul, and she couldn’t hide it. She very much wants things to work out with the man who asked the question. So, she has begun to confront some things that she has hidden behind for many years.

    God doesn’t want us running away from the truth ever. And the truth is that, to the extent a flaw keeps our blessing hostage, we must confront it and do the work to get it handled. It can be very uncomfortable, there’s no mistake about this. Aisha must learn to lean on God for her protection, and not look to a man to be something more than what he is. God will often work through the man, but all protection comes from Heavenly Father, and we should never think anyone can do it better than Him. There must be room in our hearts to accept that the right fit for us may not be strong in all the areas we expect, but they will help to build us up as we seek to fulfill the purpose to which we are called.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Is a Flaw Keeping Your Blessing Hostage?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Right Instructions for the Right Results

    The Right Instructions for the Right Results

    In the Gospel of John, Chapter 5, Jesus Christ had gone to Jerusalem for the Passover. He came to a pool called Bethesda, and it had five porches. On certain seasons, an angel would trouble the water, and whoever went in the pool first after the troubling of the water would be healed of their affliction. Large multitudes of those who were sick, diseased, blind or afflicted would wait on the porches for the opportunity to be healed. John 5:5-6 tells us that Jesus saw a man lying there near the pool. This man had been sick for 38 years, and Jesus, knowing he had been sick a long time, asked him, “Would you like to get well?”

    The question Jesus Christ asked the disabled man may have seemed like a foregone conclusion to some of us. He was there at the pool, where many sick people gathered, and he had suffered with his condition many years. Imagine what the man must’ve thought after hearing our Lord and Savior ask him this question. In our minds, we might think he’d say, “I’ve been struggling to get to this pool and waiting by it every day for as long as I can remember, of course I want to get well.” The truth of the matter is that Jesus Christ not only knew the man’s situation, he knew the man’s heart. The sick man was looking for healing to come from a change in conditions, and not from power.

    There is tremendous power in the faith of Jesus Christ. He said in Mark 9:23 that all things are possible to the person that believes. Faith can activate a work of God on our behalf, but often the point of connecting to the element that energizes our believing is missing. For the people at the pool, the thing that energized their believing was the troubling of the water. Based on prior history of God’s healing power, they conditioned their minds to believe that they would be healed if the waters were troubled, and if they entered the pool first. On the unfortunate flip side of this, they also believed that healing would NOT come unless the waters were troubled. Because of this, they limited their faith.

    Some have said that the man lacked faith entirely, but this can’t be true. Romans 12:3 tells us God has given every person a measure of faith. At the end of the day, the sick man’s faith placed him in the right place at the right time—the time when he would make a point of contact with the Master Jesus. You might ask, “Why did it take so long?” Well, you and I must know as mature believers that how bad we really want something is going to be tested. The sick man wanted to be healed, but his answer to the question Jesus asked him tells us about his state of mind; and he had held this mindset for a mighty long time. He had not quite made the leap between wanting something and believing that he could actually have it.

    In John 5:7(NLT), the sick man answered Jesus by saying, “I can’t, sir…for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.” This was his answer to “Would you like to be healed?” It was not an emphatic “YES!” as most would expect, but an explanation for why it hadn’t or couldn’t happen. He was waiting on the conditions to change instead of connecting to the One who changes conditions. This is what many of us are doing today.

    Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up our mat, and walk!” A revelation regarding the authority of Jesus Christ is the point of contact all of us need, and it was evident when the man heard these words of authority come from Jesus’s mouth. He was healed instantly, rolled up his mat and began to walk.

    It can’t be lost on us that the man’s faith was activated when he received the right instructions. He took the right action at the right time because he responded to the authority of Christ, and then he received the right results. Everything flowed according to God’s purpose because this man obeyed the instructions he heard from Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father knows exactly what it will take to bridge the distance between our desires and the faith to bring them into fruition. I believe one of the most important things we can do today is spend time learning how to respond to and live by the authority of Jesus Christ. A habit pattern of hearing and obeying must be firmly in place. Then, when it’s time for Jesus to give us the right instructions for our desires, they will connect with our faith and achieve results that honor and please God.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Right Instructions for the Right Results”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • A New Heart Brings New Blessings!

    A New Heart Brings New Blessings!

    The Prophet Ezekiel delivered a powerful Word of Prophecy from the Lord, our God, to the people of Israel. In Ezekiel 36:26-27(NLT), God told them, “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.” It is important for us to know that the people of God living during this time had gotten themselves in quite the pickle, and it was because of their disobedience. They made a conscious choice to turn away from God’s regulations and do their own thing. This was a terrible mistake, and they found out the hard way. In this regard, they were like many of us living today who get weary of waiting to see a change in our circumstances. Like them, some of us think about taking matters into our own hands. Our God cautions us against such actions, because He has a much better solution.

    When God looked at His people living during Old Testament times, He saw the future. Back then, they were really doing the most with all that idolatry and evil darkness they were dabbling in. But despite their non-sense, despite their disobedience, God blessed and delivered them. When they saw what a mess they’d made and cried out to Him for help, He came to their rescue. The record of mercy and grace He bestowed on them is a testimony to those of us living today. It builds a foundation of truth regarding God’s love that anchors our relationship with Him even more.

    Their hearts were hardened against God and they consistently ignored His commandments. The same spirit of rebellion that gets into some of us was rampant in them. Instead of bringing glory to God’s name, they brought shame to it and glorified the devil. Talk about needing a new heart, they certainly did. Great hygiene and a good bath couldn’t clean the filth they harbored in their hearts. A work had to be done internally, and only God could do it.

    The thing that you and I must keep in mind is that God’s people living in Old Testament times were servants, they were not children. They could not have His seed in them because Jesus Christ had not yet come and made the infilling of the Holy Spirit available. For believers today, it is an incomparable treasure to know that God will restore us utterly and completely. If He would do it for His servants, He most certainly will do it for His kids.

    There isn’t anything that our God can’t and won’t do for His people. His promise of a new life brings hope when we’re struggling with pain, shame and disappointment. Relying on His power, and His love instead of our own is the only way to usher in the newness we need. Heavenly Father assured the Israelites that He would give them a new heart, that He would remove from them a heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. This is the heart that believers can have through the Holy Spirit, a heart that delights in pleasing God.

    Our desires to partner in marriage, to have loving families and relationships, are desires that God has placed in our hearts. For many of us, this wonderful dream represents the newness we desire, but it must be matched by newness in our commitment to obey and trust God’s Word in a greater way. The prophecy that He gave Ezekiel was a foretelling of the redemption He planned for His children through the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ. Through Christ we have a new covenant with God, and Hebrews 10:16 tells us that God has placed His laws and regulations in our hearts and written them on our minds.

    We can have every confidence that God wants us to fulfill His purpose, but He also teaches us through the prophecy given to Ezekiel that a stubborn, stony heart doesn’t please Him. We must respond to Heavenly Father by doing the things that honor His name and doesn’t bring shame to it. Through Jesus Christ, God has given us a clean heart. He’s given us a new and right spirit, and we must do our very best to stay faithful to Him so we’ll be prepared for the new blessings He brings into our lives.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “A New Heart Brings New Blessings!”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • When Answers Don’t Come Easy

    When Answers Don’t Come Easy

    The psalmist said in Psalm 23:3 (NKJV), “He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” This is what God will do for us. He will restore our souls, and then lead us in the path of His righteousness. The question we need to ask ourselves is are we willing to be led. For those that have been praying to cross paths with the person they will marry, it is important for them to know that our Heavenly Father hears their prayers. He’s designed the universe in such a way that the moment we begin to pray, something shifts. Things begin to come together to bless us, and a momentum starts to build. Our faith is the force that continues to move this momentum forward, but there will most definitely be some blockers along the way. Immediately upon noticing them, we must look for something in our souls to be restored. We must make sure we’re hearing what God is saying, so we know exactly what needs to be healed and continue to follow the path of His righteousness.

    In Deuteronomy 1, Moses was handling some final business with the Children of Israel, because he knew he would not enter the Promise Land. In an address to them, he reviewed the journey they had been on together. It took the Children of Israel 38 years to cover a territory that should have taken them 11 days. Why? Because of their unbelief. God had promised to give them a land of milk and honey, a land that was beautiful, with good soil upon which to grow crops and increase livestock. Yet, they wouldn’t bring themselves to trust the Word of the Lord.

    Exodus 6:7-8 (NLT) gives us the record of what God told Moses to tell His people. He said, “7 I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt. 8 I will bring you into the land I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will give it to you as your very own possession. I am the Lord!’”  In verse 9, we have the record of the people’s response to what God said. It tells us, “So Moses told the people of Israel what the Lord had said, but they refused to listen anymore. They had become too discouraged by the brutality of their slavery.” They doubted God’s promise. Even though they were physically free, the harsh labor under the Egyptian pharaoh had put them in mental and emotional bondage. So, they wouldn’t listen to Moses and went around in circles because doubt took root in their hearts.

    God’s people were slow to learn, and this is why instead of marching to victory they wandered in the wilderness almost 40 years. This wandering can happen so easily in our quest to attain what God has for us. Many of us are wandering, not understanding that it is impossible to follow the straight line of God’s righteousness when doubt is in the picture.

    Healthy communication is crucial to any successful relationship. Not only must we speak the truth, we must be in a position to hear it. Our relationship with God is the most precious gift we will ever have. We need to hear what the Father is saying to us, because we need His instruction to carry out His Will. We also need to hear from Him about those places in our souls where we’re not allowing His love to rule. Very often, not hearing or perceiving God’s message is a blocker that slows our faith momentum. The Spirit of the Lord resides inside of the believer. Nothing can be closer to us than this, and if we’re not hearing the Spirit’s voice, with it being so close, how will we be good listeners to our future partners?

    We must be persistent in pursuing a Word from the Lord. God is always present, and He hears our prayers. Some believers have complained that God is not speaking to them, but He never stops communicating with us. It’s you and I that have a hard time hearing His voice, because we’re so focused on other things. Jesus Christ told us in Matthew 6:33 that we must seek our Heavenly Father first, and this must be a continuous habit pattern in our lives. We are spiritual beings and the more we quiet ourselves and get still before God, the more our spiritual hearing will increase. When it comes to the revelation that we desperately need to hear, it isn’t enough to receive a word from someone else’s lips. We need to be confident that God will speak to us, and we need to be confident that we can hear Him. This is paramount to navigating a successful life as a believer, and it is one of the most important and precious essentials to spiritually preparing for the blessing of marriage.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “When Answers Don’t Come Easy” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • It’s At the Root

    It’s At the Root

    “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.”
    Proverbs 27:19 (NLT)

    God knows our hearts, but it is impossible for anyone to know what is truly at the root of someone else’s heart. Heavenly Father didn’t give any of us the ability to look into another person’s core, and that’s a good thing. Most of us have a lot going on internally, some positive and some not so much. We’re works in progress. This means that as we notice things about ourselves that aren’t so pretty and that do not line up with the example of Christ, we address those things through prayer and by renewing our minds to God’s Word. There isn’t a word in the English language that can express how important it is that we address the not so pretty stuff inside, because not doing it can be blocking the blessing we desire most.

    When it comes to the man that we want to attract, some of us have some inner workings that could potentially cause him to be repelled rather than attracted to us. In Romans 12:2, God urges us not to be conformed to the customs and behaviors of the world, but to renew our minds by putting on the mind of Christ. This means that you and I must change the way we think. It is necessary so that we can be transformed into the men and women that Heavenly Father desires us to be. Without changing the way that we think, our hearts will not change.

    We are made in the image of God, which means we are spiritual beings, just as He is Spirit. We are His children and our very nature should always reflect His love. God isn’t telling us to take on His nature just because. He has a reason for this, and it is because He wants the best for us. The best things in life are magnetized to our existences when His love is the focus of our hearts and minds. It will ultimately cause nothing but goodness and sweetness to flow from our inside out. It is what makes folks want to recognize and connect with us. So it can’t be a secret to anyone that when something negative is trying to takeover our hearts, it can potentially be a hindrance to our blessings. Uprooting this negative behavior, attitude, mindset, or emotion from our lives should be a main goal of ours.

    Any of us that has been saved for a while knows that even if a person is a Christian, they can still be nasty, malicious, and cynical. This is because of what is operating at the root of their hearts. We can try and hide this, but after a while it will eventually be revealed, and someone will see who we really are because our actions, attitude, and feelings will expose us.

    Notice that Proverbs 27:19 uses the transparency of water to illustrate how the heart reflects the real person. Water is clear and reflective. It also moves and expands. This gives us great clues about where our hearts will take us if we are committed to saturating them with God’s love. Only the power of the Spirit that indwells us and the truth of God’s Word can change our reflection from one of discontent and doubt, to that of faith and joy. Submit to God with a mind-and-heart-set that is humble and ready to see what is at the root of your own heart. If it isn’t a good reflection, be committed to change it, so that you are spiritually prepared to receive what God has for you.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “It’s At the Root”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Examining Your Motivation to Partner

    Examining Your Motivation to Partner

    A friend and I were having dinner and noticed a young couple holding hands at the table near ours. They couldn’t have been more than about 25 or so, but they looked so happy together. The way the young man treated the woman caught my attention. When they were escorted to their table, he pulled a chair out for her, and when she got up to go to the ladies’ room, he stood up. This kind of chivalry is almost unheard of today. Many in the younger generation have never witnessed it or know it exists beyond the movies. For many sisters, such gestures aren’t important or relevant, but I was thrilled to see that some men, even young ones, have not lost this sense of honor in their hearts for women. Personally, a man doesn’t have to order my food or always stand up at the table when I do, however, honoring the love of Christ that I carry in my heart is an absolute must.

    2 Corinthians 5:14(NLT) tells us, “Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.” As single sisters and brothers desiring marriage, this is a verse of scripture that must be at the forefront of our hearts and minds. One of the reasons for this has to do with our motivation for marital partnership. Once we arrive at a place where our desire for marriage is unveiled, our journey towards crossing paths with our destiny partners begins. Many people begin this journey before they’ve cultivated an intimate relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. They may be motivated to marry out of soulish or flesh reasons, but this motivation will harm and not help their quest.

    Getting to know the Lord is the most rewarding and fulfilling event in life. Nothing else in all eternity compares to the magnitude of this monumental relationship that we get to have with our Heavenly Father. We are transformed by it. Our old life is dead, and our new life begins because of Christ and what he has done for us. It is the recreation of our human-spirit through Christ that allows our connection to God. Everything that is outside the boundaries of our new spiritual reality has to catch-up to the newness we’ve received through our precious Lord and Savior. Our minds—thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors—have to be renewed to the mind of Christ. Renewal, changing the way we think, speak, think, and feel is the way we catch-up.

    God will not do this for us, because He will never violate our free-will choice. He won’t come inside our brains and start changing things around. He has commanded us to renew our minds to what He says. The problem is that when it comes to our motivation and desire for marriage, we stop short and throw the process of renewing our minds under the bus. We don’t do what is required to bring our desire in alignment with the new life we’ve received.

    Although we are transformed by Christ, our desire for marriage in many cases does not transform with us. It is probably the same, or perhaps has increased. But because we are never the same after our new-birth reality, the motivation for marriage must shift from pleasing ourselves to pleasing God. This is true beyond truth. God changes us from the inside out. Romans 8:39 says that nothing is capable of separating us from the love of God in Christ, because it is in Him that we live, move, and have our being. So, our desire for marriage must rise to the level of our newness in Christ. This means that we must now want what the Lord wants for us, because our lives don’t belong to us. He is Lord! He’s our Owner and always knows and does what is best. But if we have a different personal agenda operating in the background; if we’re still operating in the flesh when it comes to our desire for marriage, Romans 8:6 says this is equivalent to setting our minds on death. We wonder so often about what is blocking us from the blessing; this is it!

    The potential to honor God’s purpose unlocks partnership attraction. This is where we want to be! The young couple that sat near me in the restaurant responded to each other lovingly and with honor for one another. I know this because I responded to it as well. This is how Heavenly Father created us. When the love of Christ is at work, we can’t help ourselves, we must respond to it. This is why we can’t allow our old dead life to speak from the grave. It can only speak death, and we don’t want anyone we might partner with responding to that. We should all want someone who honors the love of Christ in us, and it behooves us to be sure that it is his love, and his alone, that motivates and fuels our desire to partner.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Examining Your Motivation to Partner”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Ask the Right Question to Receive the Right Answer

    Ask the Right Question to Receive the Right Answer

    There have been a record number of published studies on single people in the past few years. Those in recent history suggests there’s never been as many unmarried adults as there are right now. More adults are opting to remain single, and those that are married are taking longer to get there. It’s no secret that men prefer the option of remaining single at a higher percentage than women. Many statistics on the age group of singles between 21-34 report that they prefer to live together with their significant other before taking that walk down the aisle. For those of us that believe God always knows best and want to live according to the standard of His Word, we really have to ask ourselves how much of the world’s influence has seeped into our psyches. Are we more comfortable than we think with not having to support and care for an extra person?

    This isn’t a question or answer we should take lightly. One of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves is the time to think and reflect. Mark 1:35 tells us that Jesus Christ awakened very early every morning, while it was still dark, and he went to a quiet place to pray. In Psalm 46:10, Heavenly Father instructs us about the practice of stillness. He tells us to be still and know that He is God. Psalm 107 also talks about those who were in great distress and cried out to the Lord for help. Psalm 107:20 says that He sent out His Word and healed them. Our time of stillness allows us to pray, think, and hear God through the indwelling Holy Spirit.

    The Spirit tells us the mind of Christ, and as believers we can’t function without this. The Spirit gives us the truth, and we don’t always want to hear the truth about certain areas of our lives. God is constantly communicating, but we don’t always hear Him because we abdicate the posture of listening as attentively as we should. We have to change this. We need to quiet ourselves so we can know the truth of what is really going on in our hearts. It is entirely possible to desire one thing in our heads, but have another desire operating in the inner sanctum of our beings. God tells us in Proverbs 4:23 to make it a priority to guard our hearts because they determine the course of our lives. Jesus Christ told us also in Luke 6:45 that we produce out of the treasure of our hearts. The thing that is going on in our hearts is going to create the realm of our existence.

    A person doesn’t need to be married to be happy. Marriage is not required by God to live a Godly life. However, if we desire it, He desires it for us and would not withhold this blessing. We will sometimes think that He’s not blessing us to cross the path of our future beloveds, but this isn’t the truth. There are some things going on in our very own hearts about what we’re valuing most that interrupts our ability to focus our faith.

    I know someone that was blessed to marry a very well-known person. In an interview he was asked what about her attracted him most. He remarked that it was the way she treated her nieces and nephews, because this allowed him to see the quality nature of her womanhood. When we’re praying to cross paths with the person we will ultimately marry, there are many lessons that must be learned before the door to this blessing is opened. During our season of learning, we should never be tricked into diverting our attention to negativity by thinking there’s not enough good men to go around. The man for us is out there, and he is just as concerned about finding a quality woman as a quality woman is concerned about finding him.

    Seek wisdom about what is going on in your heart when it comes to this desire in your life. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 7:7-8(NLT), “7 Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Many of us are not asking Heavenly Father the right question, because we haven’t prepared our hearts to receive the right answer. James 4:3 says we ask and don’t receive because we ask amiss; we miss the mark with the question. We can avoid this mistake. Ask God for the wisdom you need to set your feet on the path of your marital blessing and be willing to accept that you’ve got more spiritual work to do.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Ask the Right Question to Receive the Right Answer”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Why Not Choose Me?

    Why Not Choose Me?

    It is becoming increasingly popular for women to propose to men. While commercials depicting this scenario received a thumbs-up from women’s rights organization for championing women’s options, as believers many of us are not on board. God’s people must be committed to trust and believe His Word. His Word is true, and it is also the preeminent authority on everything that pertains to life. So, we have to trust the wisdom of Proverbs 18:22, that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. It is the man who is supposed to do the finding, not because the woman is deficient in any way, but because this is how a man obtains the Lord’s favor. But what if you’ve been found already? What if you believe he is the one, but asking for your hand in marriage just isn’t his thing?

    Someone shared with me that she’s in a very similar situation. She was dating a man she believed to be the right one for her. He always said that if he was ever going to marry someone, she would be that woman, except a couple of years went by, and he never proposed. As a way to motivate his proposal, she ended the relationship, but he didn’t take the bait. She felt enough time had gone by and a few weeks ago, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Since neither of them have ever been married, and in her words, they’re not getting any younger, she went ahead and ‘put herself out there.’ She said she couldn’t imagine God would have her continue to wait year after year, so in her mind and heart, putting herself out there for the man that she loves was the right thing to do.

    He didn’t meet her with any opposition, and after speaking with him, she felt relieved, but he also didn’t give her the direct answer she was hoping for. She wanted a promise from him in the form of a wedding date, and he didn’t oblige. Like many single Christian women, she has lots to offer; attractive, successful, and dependable. She believed that after laying all her emotions and good intentions out on the table, he would respond with a resounding ‘yes’, and at the very least she was hoping for perhaps a mildly reluctant “Okay”, but this didn’t happen. He didn’t choose her, and she is left to deal with the reality that he possibly never will.

    The confidence of choosing well
    There is nothing in all the world that compares to knowing something so positively completely that there’s no doubt in your mind. Only God can give us this level of confidence. It’s the confidence of knowing we’ve chosen well. This is why trusting Proverbs 18:22 is so important, because when God ordains something, we can have utter and complete confidence in it. Everything about relationships doesn’t have to be conventional. God created us uniquely, but we must be clear that He’s a God of supreme order, and if Christ is going to be the head of our marriages and relationships, we must be led by the Lord.

    I think back to a passage of scripture in Acts 1:15-26. Joseph (also known as Justus) and called Barsabbas, was not chosen by God when it came time to replace Judas. Judas had betrayed our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and met a tragic end. So, the disciples of Jesus prayed to God to lead them in making the right decision. In Acts 1:24(NLT), they prayed, “O Lord, you know every heart.  Show us which of these men you have chosen as an apostle to replace Judas in this ministry.”  They cast their lots (votes), and God chose Matthias to become an apostle with the other eleven.

    Joseph wasn’t chosen by God, and that must have been disappointing for him, but this allows us to see very clearly that our choices have implications. Even if disappointment is involved, it’s better to deal with hurt feelings in the short term than to turn our backs on God’s Will. Choices impact our lives dramatically. God knows this, and if we haven’t made Him the major participant in our choices and decisions, we stand to walk away from the destiny He’s ordained for us.

    As a woman who honors herself and desires to be honored by the man she will ultimately marry, she shouldn’t except less than what the Father wants to give her. The disciples had a very important choice to make, and they didn’t leave it to chance, but depended on God for His divine leadership and guidance. We must be spiritually mature enough to do the same thing.

    As born-again believers, we can receive information from Christ through God’s Holy Spirit. He will aid our decision making and help us walk according to God’s order. If we’re not yet able to discern the Spirit’s voice, we must continue to pray and be patient with ourselves to grow in Christ. Then, when we’re confident in the Spirit, we can be confident in our choices. You won’t have to ask “Why not choose me?” You’ll know that you’re with a man who enjoys God’s favor and he will consider you his greatest reward.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Why Not Choose Me?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!