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  • Ten Years without Coming Close

    A friend told me she took her ex-boyfriend out for lunch. He’d been in town visiting family, and since both have moved on and still remain good friends, they decided to catch-up. During dinner, he told her that he realized shortly after their break-up he’d messed up a really good thing with her. He said he regretted never taking their relationship to the next level.  When I asked why she broke up with him, she commented, “When someone is not ready to mature and move forward in life, then you have to leave them where they are.” My friend also shared with me that this wasn’t an easy pill to swallow when they first broke-up. It happened over ten years ago, and until this day, she says he’s the only man she’s ever been close to marrying.

    Having the strength to let go and move on from a relationship that isn’t right for you takes courage and determination. I applaud my friend’s stand to do what she believed was in her best interest, but I have to admit to being taken aback hearing her say she hasn’t come close to marrying over the last ten years. My thoughts percolate with rapid speed when I hear things like this. Immediately, scriptures flash across my mind as I remind myself of God’s promises. Out of habit, I look to God’s Word to remedy and make whole any and all issues, because it contains everything we need to live a life that is pleasing to Heavenly Father and fulfilling to us as well.

    In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus Christ tells us to come to him with all our burdens, and he will give us rest. A burden over extends us. It causes us to expend more emotional, mental, and physical energy than we can healthily give, and therefore, leaves us depleted. Jesus Christ presents us with an exponentially better choice. We can choose well and hand over our burdens to him because he can handle the load. Unfortunately, many of us don’t do this. We make the choice to continue carrying the burden ourselves and allow it to break us. One would think this is an easy choice and that everyone would choose to let Jesus handle the load, but again, most do not.

    I believe my friend made a good choice. She released a person because it was blazingly apparent that he didn’t want to grow with her. She had the foresight to realize that continuing this relationship was burdening her life and depleting her energies. So, she let it go. She got this part right, but the other part of God’s directive, the part in Matthew 11:29 where Jesus Christ tells us to learn about him so that we will find rest for our souls—she missed this part.

    Heavenly Father created life in such a way that any time something is released, cut-out, or eradicated; the gap must be filled. We see this all throughout nature. We also see it in the lives of people that are hurting so deeply inside that they use harmful substances and toxic relationships to fill the void.

    When we give our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ, we must give up our old life. It was filled to the brim with sin and darkness. Jesus Christ comes into our hearts and brings the fullness of love, light, liberty, and life. He gives us joy everlasting, but most of us don’t give up everything about our old lives in one big swoop. It’s a gradual process for us. Our prayer and aim should be that as we realize we’re holding on to harmful remnants of darkness, we release them as we continue to walk with Christ throughout our lives. Many people never pray to come into knowledge about the darkness they harbor, and they fill the gaps with everything but the love of Jesus Christ.

    Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are God’s masterpieces, and that He recreated our spirits in Christ Jesus so that we can do all the good things He planned for us long ago. God has a good plan for our lives, and the way to fulfill it is to learn about Jesus Christ. This is our destiny! Very often there is something specific that God wants to teach us about His love, and its the thing we need in our arsenal for future marital unity and harmony. If we don’t make learning about Jesus Christ a priority in our lives, we’ll deny ourselves the privilege of becoming like him and being the blessing God wants us to be. During the transition from ‘single’ to ‘married’, all of us will experience feelings of emptiness as we wait to meet our future spouses, but let’s fill the gap with the love of Jesus Christ. Then, we’ll draw the right person into our lives, and have the rich and satisfying existence that God planned for us.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Ten Years without Coming Close” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Let’s Clean House

    Saturday’s are my ‘clean house day.’ It’s the only day during the week that allows me time to make sure most of the house is clean the way I like it. My mother had all girls. She was never fooled by the surface cleaning we used to do in a hurry when we were younger. It had to be cleaned through and through, which meant we couldn’t get away with making it look good on top. She inspected the details. We couldn’t just put away things in cabinets; the cabinets had to be cleaned and neat as well. What can I say? This stuck with me. Like everyone else, I’m busy all the time, so not everything gets the full attention I prefer, but at least I know most of the house has gotten the bleach-clean treatment I’m used to; and I feel good in my soul when it’s done.

    One particular Saturday afternoon, I decided to clean out my make-up kit and bathroom cabinet.  Before I knew it, my trash can was full of mascara, lipsticks, and hair products. I couldn’t believe how much stuff I had accumulated and had to throw away. I also quickly realized how much time, money, and effort I’d spent on trying to look my best. This is of course the way God’s children should approach their well-being, and I’m sure I’m not alone on this one. It demonstrates the dedication most of us put into our outward appearance. But what about the inner appearance? The inner part is what God values most!

    Honestly, I don’t regret making the purchases or the time and energy I spend to look my best, because this is one of the ways we take care of our temple and make sure it looks as good on the outside as it does on the inside. We demonstrate our gratitude for God’s gifts by taking care of them as best we can. You and I represent God’s Kingdom as ambassadors for Christ, but we must never underestimate the Words of God in 1 Samuel 16:7(NLT): “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

    Our Heavenly Father doesn’t see us the same way as others, thank goodness! 1Samuel 16:7 is a reminder that the heart is more important than outward appearance to God. Society puts tremendous focus on how a person looks outwardly, on what kind of clothes they wear or how well their hair is groomed, but this isn’t Heavenly Father’s focus. He looks at the heart.

    God requires that we clean house when it comes to the feelings and desires of our hearts, because we’ve got things left in there from the past, when we didn’t know Christ as well as we know him now. God tells us in His Word to get rid of the old thought patterns, attitudes, and behaviors we had in the past. Those things cause us to sabotage our blessings, and this isn’t what Heavenly Father wants. Sometimes, we have to do more than surface clean. We need to inspect inside the cabinets, and throw away that stuff that isn’t useful to our journey forward and upward. We need to make room in our lives for new blessings and greater spiritual growth; this is what we need to put on like a second skin. Some of us are still holding on to things like pride, arrogance, bitterness, resentment, and anger. We need to be praying and asking the Lord to help us release that old dead stuff so that we are prepared for what He has in store.

    In Matthew 23, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, warned the Pharisees about being more concerned with their outward appearance than with the conditions of their own hearts. He said in Matthew 23:27(NKJV), “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.” We don’t want to be guilty of carrying dead things in our hearts like them. And therefore, we must pray continually like the psalmist, David, prayed in Psalm 51:10,  that the Holy Spirit will create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us. We must ask God to help us see anything that isn’t right, so we can clean house and be well pleasing to our Heavenly Father.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Let’s Clean House” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Keep Love in the Front Seat

    Monica Green handles pressure very well. Some would say it comes from single-parenting two children, one of them with autism and the other high-schooler struggles with anxiety sometimes. Monica handles it all while keeping a smile on her face. Her bosses and coworkers love her; they are like family. When her long time employer was on the bridge of bankruptcy, like everybody else, Monica went over and above to make sure the doors didn’t close right before Christmas. Well, the business did eventually close, and things were tight, but Monica had dealt with tough times before. Keeping the faith that God would work it out, CHECK! Remaining optimistic and steady during a move three hours away from her family and friends to accept a new job, CHECK! Cooking breakfast, making sure kid’s homework is done, preparing lunches, and dropping off the kids at school before 7am, CHECK!!! Forgiving the ex-husband for abandoning her when things got tough, ummm, get back to her on that one.

    For many women, especially divorced women that are now the head of their households, forgiveness doesn’t always come easy. Letting go of the hurt and pain caused by an ex-husband or a significant other can be a process. It takes patience, diligence, and a great desire to please God. Forgiveness is an area of our Christian walk that is more important than any of us can ever imagine. One indication of its importance is in the prayer template that Jesus Christ taught us and the disciples. In Matthew 6:12-13, he tells us to pray that God will forgive our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Forgiving others will open the door for God to forgive us. Jesus goes on to tell us in Matthew 6:14-15(NLT), “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

    This is very serious business! An unforgiving heart is fostered by our will and desire to hold on to bitterness and resentment. An unforgiving heart signals the heavens of our refusal to submit to the authority of Christ. It is a refusal to humble ourselves before God and allow His love access to the places in us that are severely broken. He wants to heal us. In order to let His healing complete it’s perfect work in our hearts, we must repent for the sin of resentment and bitterness. We must invite the Holy Spirit to help us release it. He’ll tear down the walls of fear we’ve built up around our hearts. Then we can be a living and holy sacrifice that is acceptable to God. If we refuse to do this, as harsh as the reality sounds, an unforgiving heart will doom us to hell. For Jesus said in Matthew 18:3 that unless we are converted and turn from our sins as humble children, we will by no means enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

    We are sometimes hurt so badly that we want the person to feel the wrath of what they’ve caused us. Ephesians 6:12 tells us very plainly that our real enemy is the devil, and he is the one who works against us, and will sometimes use our loved ones to do it. But we refuse to see it this way. We want vengeance, and that is a path that will always cause a person to spiral downward. God said in Romans 12:19 that vengeance belongs to Him. He set up the universe in a way that it handles all such matters perfectly. We are not to interfere with God’s perfect law; for it needs no interference from us.

    There’s nothing that we lose in broken relationships that God can’t give back to us. He reminds us of this in Joel 2:25, when He told His people that He would give back what they had lost. We must remember that the walls we put up to protect ourselves also block God’s love from entering in. Never ask God’s love to take a back seat. It will forever and always deserve to be in the front, steering our lives to infinite possibilities, blessings, and continued peace in the Lord Jesus Christ. We must remember that God doesn’t condemn us when bitterness is in our hearts, but it is our responsibility and privilege to ask the Holy Spirit to help us get rid of it. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Keep Love in the Front Seat”,written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Let God Give You the Vision

    Genesis 15:1-7(NLT)
    “1 Some time later, the Lord spoke to Abram in a vision and said to him, “Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great.” 2 But Abram replied, “O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son? Since you’ve given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth. 3 You have given me no descendants of my own, so one of my servants will be my heir.” 4 Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” 5 Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!” 6 And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith. 7 Then the Lord told him, “I am the Lord who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give you this land as your possession.””

    Many Christians have heard this record regarding God’s promise to Abraham numerous times, but they may not have fully appreciated the hefty privilege we have as descendants of Abraham’s faith in God. Abraham is called the ‘Father of Our Believing’ because he was fully persuaded that God was not only able, but willing to fulfill that which He had promised. Many of us don’t have the kind of faith that Abraham had, but we should. We have nothing like his circumstances to contend with, and you and I have access to spiritual power that Abraham didn’t have; we have the gift of Holy Spirit dwelling within. Abraham demonstrated for us what it looks like to be sold-out on God’s Word. We are the Children of Promise, and anything less than an Abraham-kind-of-faith will cause us to miss out on all that God has in store for our lives.

    Abraham had a yearning in his heart, and many single women can understand what this feels like. He wanted a family, but his wife, Sarah, hadn’t been able to conceive. Abraham thought the story was over, given that he was way past the age of a man typically able to produce offspring. Imagine how he must have felt, to think that what he wanted most appeared to be an impossibility. Yet, we don’t read anywhere in God’s Word that Abraham had grown bitter or resentful. We don’t see him refusing to be obedient, but rather the opposite. He continued to be a man that honored God, despite the disappointment he might have felt. His humility and obedience to God’s Word ultimately gave faith the landing strip it needed.

    Many of us have been praying for marriage a long time. We’ve asked Heavenly Father to bless us with a good man, and because the answer to our prayer doesn’t appear to have materialized yet, we conclude our prayer hadn’t been effective. In Genesis 15:1, Heavenly Father said to Abraham, “I am your Shield.” God placed a hedge around Abraham to protect the promise. Abraham didn’t know what God had in store. He no doubt enjoyed the protection and care of God’s covering all his life, yet, he didn’t know the bounty of what was included in this protection. He didn’t know that God was also protecting the promise of his future. The same is true for you.

    I’m reminded of an occasion when my youngest daughter received a bag of snacks at school one day. Her class had a birthday party and the kids were given a bag of candy and chips to take home. Late that day, when she got home, she noticed the bag was lighter than it was when she left school. Immediately she became upset. After inspecting the bag, I noticed that it had a hole in it, and all of the candy had fallen out. This is indicative of many of our prayers and beliefs in the area of marriage. We stagger at the promises of God and refuse to align ourselves with His Will. Because of this hole in our faith, our petitions fall to the ground, and we miss the opportunities to enjoy the sweetness of what God has in store.

    We must remember that God delivered the promise first, and Abraham responded to God by having faith. This is the pattern God has set, and we must use it. Before Abraham responded to God, his mindset was “I’m old and comfortable. I will stay here in my father’s country and live out my days.” God had a different plan.

    You may need to ask yourself if you are too comfortable? Is God’s Will your plan, or are you asking God to make your plan fit into His Will? That won’t work. Abraham had to stretch himself to see beyond circumstances that might have toppled the believing of an average man living in his senior years. He had to expand his vision of what was possible, and God did this for him when He commanded Abraham to go outside and look at the stars. This gave Abraham the vision he needed to think and believe according to God’s Will. It is always spiritually prudent to ask God for this same vision so that we align ourselves with His agenda, instead of clinging to our own. This conveys our humility before Him.

    When we go to the Father, we can’t have low expectations. We can’t have the attitude of ‘maybe God will answer my prayer or maybe He won’t.’ You have to know beyond anything else that God wants to bless you. He wants you happy and fulfilled more than you want it for yourself, but there’s a pivotal and crucial piece of information you must always keep in the forefront of your mind. And it is the reality that only God makes promises that are guaranteed. He’s the one who sets the agenda for your life, and to see His promises come to pass, you must follow His Will.

    In your life, let’s face it, you’ve done things because you wanted to do them, and sometimes, you didn’t consult God. You’ve planned your future the way you wanted it to go, completing your vision boards and the whole nine yards. Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) tells us, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Don’t misunderstand, God wants you to have a vision, but His plan and purpose must be first in your life. Let God give you the vision. As you continue to humble yourself and yield to Him, you’ll receive the same success as Abraham and Sarah, and the promise of the Father will be fulfilled in your life. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Let God Give You the Vision”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Building Intimacy

    One of the chief purposes of relationships is to teach us about God’s love. Heavenly Father is a God of love. His Word tells us that He IS love, and because we are His children, we should take on His divine nature and make it our own. We should live love. Colossians 3:12-14(NLT) says, “12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” This passage paints a beautiful portrait of the kind of marriage God wants us to have.

    Heavenly Father desires intimacy in His relationship with us. He requires total surrender and commitment because total surrender and commitment from us is what He deserves. So that you and I have greater understanding of intimacy, in terms of what it takes to both obtain and maintain it, God has placed a desire for it within our hearts. This is one of the reasons that our desire for companionship is very strong. Not only is it very strong, but it is also very discerning. We want intimacy with a person that we deem to have qualities and attributes we admire and like most. When we meet someone like this, and the fondness is mutual, it’s possible we might discover that this person presented their best selves during the beginning of getting to know them; however, we didn’t see their undesirable or negative qualities until later in the relationship.

    All of us have negative qualities and attributes. God doesn’t disown us as His children because of them. Instead, He tells us to renew our minds and change our hearts. He tells us to clothe ourselves with His love, so that we learn to become compassionate and understanding regarding the shortcomings of others. This creates harmony and unity in our relationship with God. It has the same effect in our relationships with others. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. As we are patient with what we perceive as the shortcomings of those we love, closeness and intimacy grows.

    James 1:4(NKJV) tells us, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” Patience is part of God’s nature, and He desires to see it mirrored in us. It completes the work that He wants accomplished in our lives. It is a perfect work, and it makes us prepared for His purpose. It also helps us to develop true and real intimacy with Heavenly Father. He will not allow this intimacy to be rushed, but it must be built as we understand more about His magnificence, holiness, sovereignty, and love. We can’t rush intimacy with Him, and this should help us understand that we can’t rush intimacy in our other relationships either.

    Isaiah 40:31(NKJV) says, “But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” If a single person learns no other spiritual lesson, they should certainly learn from their own personal experiences how important patience is to God. When it comes to the desire and quest to be married, God doesn’t allow us to speed Him up or slow Him down. He doesn’t withhold the blessing of marriage from anyone that desires it, but the virtue of patience must be firmly anchored in the Christian’s heart before the faith to usher in marriage to the right person is solidified.

    Learning to wait on the Lord renews our strength so that we can climb higher. This is a truth that applies to our relationship with God, and it also applies to our relationships with people. It takes time to get to know a person well enough to discern if they are a presentation from God. They may seem to be initially, but time may prove otherwise. However, if this person is in fact a presentation from Heavenly Father, they still may have qualities you dislike–I mean really dislike. Spiritual maturity requires us to work through those negative qualities by putting on the love of Christ, but we can’t do this if we’ve allowed our need for intimacy to drive the relationship. Trying to have intimacy without allowing it to develop through patience and purity will ultimately lead to unmet expectations. This will give the enemy an opportunity to attack the harmony we’re endeavoring to build.

    Intimacy is a closeness that is forged through devotion, commitment, understanding, communion and communication. God desires intimacy in His relationship with us, but He doesn’t force us to respond to His love. He patiently waits on us to grow in our understanding of His nature and will. In this way, intimacy becomes a reward of patience. We must remember this when it comes to the significant relationship in our lives as well. It is an extremely important spiritual lesson, and if we learn it well, we’ll be prepared for a fulfilling marriage that is bonded together in perfect harmony with God’s love.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “Building Intimacy” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • This Is A No-No!

    This Is A No-No!

    Some people are of the mindset that if you truly love each other in a marriage, then you won’t walk out of it so easily; if you give up on the marriage, then it wasn’t real love in the first place. This is a harsh judgment, but it is reasonable in one respect; because it conveys an understanding that real love is God’s love. His love is unbreakable, unconditional, and limitless. God is capable of a love this strong, but many of us haven’t put on His Word in our hearts and minds enough to walk in His love fully. We struggle with resentment that comes from hurt feelings when we are offended by others or undervalued by them. Our relationships break apart when the unions can’t hold up under the constant pressure of unfulfilled expectations and misplaced faith.

    We can never be blasé about the covenant of marriage or about the possibility it holds for us personally. Marriage is God’s institution. It is a union ordained by Him, and Jesus Christ must be at the center of it. Because of this, we should also be well aware that the enemy will seek to come against our unions, and it will require our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to persevere.

    2Corinthians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” This verse gives us the context for understanding what’s at stake and what we’re working with. It tells us that we’re like fragile clay jars. We have baggage of our own, and we have baggage that we’ve inherited from others close to us. A lot of us bring this into our relationships. One of the best things we can do is recognize we have a few issues. Then, to the extent that we can, we should be honest with ourselves and our partners about this baggage. We should ask for the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and we should also lovingly ask for our partner’s forgiveness and patience as we work through it.

    God also makes it very clear in this verse that our clay jars, although fragile, contain a great treasure. It’s the great power of the Holy Spirit. We are born into this world with an assignment, and only the Spirit of Christ can lead us through it. Marriage is one of the institutions that helps us continually learn and do what we were born to learn and do. It helps us to carry forth our purpose. Many of us give up on marriage before these lessons are presented or learned. We must remember that we are becoming the person God destined us to be. We’re not quite there yet. So, on our own, we don’t have the strength, power, and love to make it through a marriage. We must depend on the treasure of the Holy Spirit to help and lead us through the complications we may face. His power is more than enough to strengthen our unions, if we will only lean on it with all that is within us.

    2Corinithians 4:8-9(NLT) says, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” Heavenly Father didn’t keep the struggles of life a secret. Sometimes it feels like four walls are closing in on us. There’s trouble everywhere we turn, but we will not be crushed if we turn to Him in faith. I’ve heard it said that you don’t really have real love if you’re not willing to be vulnerable enough to allow another person to hurt you. The love of God in Christ is the only love strong enough to eradicate fear and hold up under the pressure of hurt feelings and wounded hearts. When Jesus Christ is the center of our existence, we can endure the hardships of relationships because he is allowed to work through us and our partners through the Holy Spirit. This repairs the damage, restores us, and keeps us in God’s Will.

    It’s a no-no to begin a marriage or relationship by trying to make the other person your everything. They can’t meet those expectations, and neither can we. Our desire should always be to let our partners see the love of Christ at work in our lives, and to pray that God will work in our partner’s life as well. Through the Spirit, together, a couple can be strengthened continually as they both center themselves in Christ. They must recognize that God’s purpose is at work in their lives and pleasing Him is what matters most.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “This Is A No-No!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Feeling Unloved

    She said she felt unloved at home. When her husband asked why she cheated on the marriage, this was her response. His name is Jeff, and he is what most of us would coin as the quintessential ‘good man’. He’s handsome, handy, and loves being at home. He’s kept a steady job for years and is sometimes generous to a fault. What is wrong with sister-girl? How could she let him go? It’s not as if good men like this are falling out of trees like leaves. They are a little challenging to find, don’t you think? And once you’re blessed to cross paths with someone that’s compatible and digs you too…WHAT!!! That’s a match, right? …not always!

    See, this is the thing we have to be careful about. Everyone is looking for a soul-mate, someone that moves them so undeniably that they can’t envision living their lives without this person in it. Sometimes we meet someone, instantly feel a connection, and we’re convinced in our souls this person is the match we’ve been searching for. The problem a whole bunch of us run into is that we don’t always know our souls well enough to trust this feeling completely. We need the help of the Holy Spirit to determine if we’re making the right choice. Jesus informs us in John 16:13 that the Spirit guides us into all truth. Our souls don’t always tell the truth, so this verse isn’t referring to information we get from our souls. It’s referring to the truth that only Jesus Christ can give us.

    In Psalm 51:10(ESV), David, the psalmist, prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” This is an attitude that moves us closer to God and prepares us for our destinies. Being single provides us with an opportunity to pray this prayer continually. It gives us the time we need to let Jesus Christ take the wheel, and to be patient with ourselves as we surrender it to him completely, so he can lead us where God wants us to go. The first stop is going to be our hearts. He will lead us inside our souls to see some things we perhaps have never seen. This will bring up feelings that were bottled up long ago, but sometimes we must confront the place inside our hearts where we feel unloved, and we must do this before we even meet the person we’ll ultimately marry.

    If we don’t do this work before we get married, our expectations for marital partners will be unrealistic, because we expect them to love us in places where we don’t even love ourselves. If we did, we would have allowed the love of Christ to do its perfect work in our souls.

    When God looks at a married couple, He sees one person. Marriage is His institution, and the covenant has His stamp on it. If God looks at the married couple this way, you and I have no other choice but to view partnership this way as well. When you look at your spouse, you will see yourself; and vice versa. Your spouse will sometimes mirror the best in you, as well as the worst in you. The worst in us of course is the reflection none of us want to see. If we’re not spiritually mature enough to handle it, the blame game begins, and our unloved place grows.

    Psalm 34:18(NLT) tells us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” The Lord will be close to us when our hearts are broken and rescue us when we’re crushed from a relationship gone wrong, but He’d much rather rescue us before we make the wrong choices. We’re all born in sin. We will make mistakes, and we have things about ourselves that can cause us to sabotage meaningful relationships, but we must remember that God knows our futures. He knows that many of us feel unloved because we haven’t fully surrendered to Christ. He will help us address this and prevent us from getting hurt down the road. Let the Holy Spirit takeover your preparation for marriage. If you follow his guidance, he’ll help you surrender the things that hold you back so you can embrace His love, and let it propel you further. ■

    English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Feeling Unloved” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Ebbs and Flows of Single Life

    About a year ago, a friend of mine traveled a good distance to hear a very popular young prophet preach. She came back from her spirit-filled evening fueled with exhilaration and excitement. The prophet declared that within the next year, many of the single women attending that evening would be either married or engaged. My friend couldn’t stop talking about what this meant to her, because she’s been waiting so long to be wedded to a compatible partner. I’ve known my friend for quite a while, and I’ve been by her side as she’s endured heartaches and disappointments in relationships. I wanted so much for her exuberance to last. I wanted it to ignite meaningful change and purposeful steps towards the man that would soon be her husband.

    I don’t know of any other journey filled with as many ebbs and flows as that of being single today. Navigating being single takes the same spiritual tenacity as navigating through life; and the one thing that we can depend on about life is that it is constantly changing. Heavenly Father designed life to be this way. When it comes to being married, some of us have the mindset that once it happens for us, life will extend a courtesy of coasting on smooth waters. This is a misconception. It is a thinking that undermines our efforts to walk in faith. We must recognize that once the promise of God is firmly anchored in our hearts and minds, the challenge deepens.

    In Hosea 4:6, God tells us that His people are destroyed because of a lack of knowledge. He tells us that they reject knowledge. What knowledge are we talking about here? Are we talking about books from gurus who believe they know more than God? I don’t think so. God is talking about knowledge that comes from Him through the Lord Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the power of God’s Word that equips men and women for marriage, and because they are not hungering for a Word from God, they can’t build faith.

    My friend seemed to be taking steps to grow spiritually, and her optimism about the future was infectious. She began to purchase an abundance of bridal magazines and started to pick out wedding dresses and possible venues, but after about four months, her optimism took a turn for the worse. It began to wane because the man she had feelings for made it clear that marriage was out of the picture for him; he wanted to date other people. She viewed this as the end of a dream rather than the beginning of one.

    Romans 15:13(ESV) says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” This is an amazing prayer for every believer. Our Extraordinarily Loving and Powerful Heavenly Father is the God of Hope! He is the Foundation upon which our hope is anchored. He, and only He, can fill us with ALL joy and peace so that our believing lives! This is on the same lines as the Word of prophecy given to my friend, except, instead of understanding that her hope should be in God, she looked for it in the man. That’s never a winning strategy.

    She was over the moon with excitement about the prospect of getting married. She even pledged a greater allegiance to the things of God, but time proved that her relationship with Heavenly Father was not the driving force behind her new-found excitement; she was driven by the prospect of what she might get from Him.

    James 1:3 (ESV) says, “For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” When we receive a Word from Heaven regarding what God wants to do for us, He wants us to respond with joy, and He also doesn’t want us to be ignorant about the ebbs and flows that often accompany the process. As mature sisters of the Word, we must leave room in our awareness for the reality that our faith is going to be tested by the devil; he will attempt to steal the joy of the Word that God has given us. And it is also important for us to know that the devil will test our faith to see whether our motivation is truly about our love for God, or if it is about getting what we can get.  Know the test may come. When it does, James 4:7 says we must submit ourselves to God and resist the devil; he’ll flee.

    Also, the maturation process of our faith will mean that some things and some people that we’ve been holding on to will no longer be a part of our journeys. They’ll seek to be released from our lives, and we need to let them go. They are occupying space required for the newness of what God will bring.

    Finally, know that you’ve got to stand firm in the faith. The jubilance for the expectation of the blessing cannot exceed the level of joy in your heart for the Lord. Only faith that is anchored in the joy of Christ will move you forward. Expect that the enemy will test the source of your joy to see if it’s based on your relationship with God, or based on the blessings you want from Him. You must love His Spirit more than you love someone’s flesh. When your faith is tested, make sure you know the difference between the two. ■

    English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “The Ebbs and Flows of Single Life” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Rescue After the Ambush

    Daniel, one of King David’s sons living during Old Testament times, was blessed to have prophetic dreams and visions that would help God’s people. The record of Daniel’s allegiance to service is a tremendous lesson for us, particularly as it relates to the manifestations of the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ has made it possible for those of us living today to serve others dynamically through these manifestations. They are powerful, and many of us desire to increase in them, but it is clear from God’s Word that the heart to truly and selflessly serve God’s people must be in us. Those who are fluid in mighty workings and have seen many miracles through Christ can attest that God will meet us with demonstrations of His miraculous power. He will do this when we’re actively engaged in serving others. Daniel wanted to help God’s people. This is why he was pressed to understand his vision and prayed to God for help. This help arrived in the form of an angel, and he told Daniel something that will comfort all our hearts when we’re ambushed under demonic attack.

    An ambush is a surprise attack, and it can come from all angles. It’s a time when everything goes wrong. Friends begin to act strange towards us, kids get out of control, the special person in our lives is annoyed for seemingly no reason at all, problems at work get out of hand, and our expenses are more than we can manage. Your nerves are shot, and on top of all this, you’re not feeling great physically. It’s surreal when problems in every aspect of your existence hit you all at once.

    It can feel as though God isn’t hearing us, but this is never the case. The angel said to Daniel in Daniel 10:12(NLT), “Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words.” The angel reassured Daniel that from the very moment he began to pray, the answer to his prayer was on its way to him. If it was true for Daniel, it is most certainly true for us.

    Prayer was a pattern in Daniel’s life. During the three weeks after his initial request for help, Daniel never stopped praying because he knew that God would answer him. Our problem is that many of us don’t do this. If we don’t receive results on the double, we become impatient, lose faith, and allow the enemy to steal our blessing. Understand that the battle heats up when you’re close to victory. Often, this is the time we’re ambushed with multiple attacks.

    1Peter 5:6-9(NLT) instructs, “6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.”

    You have a destiny in the Lord Jesus Christ. Our destinies contain the storehouse of blessings that God has for us, and it also contains our assignment. This assignment is the work that we’re to do for God’s Kingdom. As we progress through life, both the blessings and our assignments are revealed. As we obediently take care of God’s business, His Kingdom on earth is expanded; the enemy wants to stop this from happening. When we’re close, particularly when a new season of spiritual growth and blessings is upon us, we are attacked, and sometimes severely so.

    God tells us exactly what we need to know about being attacked. He tells us to resist the tactics of the enemy. Don’t give in to them. Yes, the devil is a roaring lion, and Daniel can tell us a thing or two about lions. The king that was in power during Daniel’s day had him placed in a den of ravenous lions, and God sent the angels to Daniel’s rescue. The angels bound the mouths of the lions, and Daniel was unharmed. To be placed in a den of lions was a form of punishment and torture in earlier biblical periods. It was indeed a horrific death. A lion’s teeth were sharp and could cut through flesh and crush bones. This offers the background to why the devil is referred to as a roaring lion. It depicts the ruthlessness and eagerness with which he seeks to devour us, but Jesus Christ is our defense and rescue.

    Our first instinct is to run as fast and far away from danger as possible, but in 1Peter 5:9, God instructs us straightforwardly to stand firm against the devil. We are not to allow our emotions to sink and to let ourselves be overcome with fear, doubt, and worry. God reminds us in Philippians 4:6(NLT), “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” God tells us to resist and not run. You’ve been in tight places before. You know what it feels like to think you wouldn’t make it another day, but the hand of God was on your life then, and the hand of God is on your life now.

    In Isaiah 41:10, God tells us not to be afraid and don’t be discouraged, because He’s our God. He will strengthen and help us. He promises to hold us up with His victorious right hand. It may feel as though you’re on the edge, but you’re actually on the verge of God’s mighty rescue. Stand firm! God is with you, and He will never leave you alone. He knows all the details of what we’re facing, and He sees the things you can’t see. He has already worked out a plan for your greatest good, so claim the victory, because its already yours.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “Rescue After the Ambush” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Hope That Is in You

    Sometimes life can seem a bit like a treasure hunt with clues. You begin the hunt by crossing the path of someone you were destined to meet. Usually, this is not the partnership connection you were praying to make. Instead, it is an opportunity for you to sow into someone’s life. Once you’ve done this, once you’ve demonstrated the love of God in a way that blesses the person, the door to the next blessing for you suddenly appears. Still, it may not be the connection you hope to make, but it will keep you on the path that leads to it. The piece of knowledge every single woman needs to know is that the hunt—the sowing part of the journey—is just as important to God for you to fulfill as meeting the man that is your ultimate treasure.

    The Test
    2Corinthians 13:5 tells us, “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.” This should be common practice in every Christian’s life, because sometimes we’re operating outside of faith when we think we’re operating in it. The Apostle Paul said, “Test yourselves.” This means that we have to look at our willingness to exhibit the same level of love that Christ exhibited. As women, we can become so caught up in our desire to be married, that we forget to see men as folks that also need a witness. They need to see the love of God demonstrated without the trappings of attraction or the lack thereof.

    Colossians 4:5-6(NLT) tells us, “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” This verse was heavy on my mind as I thought about a gentleman I know. He was goo-goo-gaga for a woman that didn’t share the same feelings for him. She’s a Christian woman but left no lasting imprint of it on him. We don’t have to be attracted to someone to show them the love of God. Colossians 4:5-6 instructs us about the attitude and manner that God expects from us. We must be oh so careful not to leave a poor witness, or to miss an opportunity to share the Good News about our Savior’s love. Yes, it is a fine line sometimes, but as God’s wise and careful ambassadors for Christ, we should know how to walk it.

    We could be the last chance a person has to change their lives for the better and make Christ the center of their existence. You and I are sent to bear witness of the Savior’s love. It’s not all about looking cute or ascertaining whether the person will become a permanent fixture. Jesus Christ said in John 15:16(NLT), “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” You and I have been appointed by Christ to go and bear fruit. How serious are you about your appointment? We need to give this some thought, because our conviction to the call is going to be tested. Some of us are so consumed with wanting to get married that we’re neglecting our responsibility to bear fruit. There should be hard evidence that you have demonstrated the faith to bear fruit, and the commitment to do so should come before your expectation of marriage. Responsibility will always come before reward.

    God desires that we go into marriage solidly engaged in our purpose before we ever meet the man we’re going to marry. This is especially important today, because the roles of men and women are not nearly as defined as they once were, and communication about God’s requirement in the marriage, and how to meet it, is often missed. We’re struggling to understand and appreciate one another, still. So we come to the table, and do so with some of the most important wisdom and knowledge being unspoken and unlearned. We figure a lot of this out as we continue the partnership, but in order to do it, our purpose in the Will of God cannot be ambiguous, because it is the thing that continually binds us to Christ.

    Hope is a magnet
    1Peter 3:15(NKJV) tells us, “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;”  This verse very clearly tells us that some people will be curious about the hope that is in us. Is the hope in you on full display? When you meet a man that clearly doesn’t pull at your heart strings, do you view it as an opportunity to shine the love of Christ? With God, nothing happens by happenstance. There’s a reason for everything under the sun. Always keep in mind that hope is a magnet. Even unknowingly, sometimes people, men too, cross our paths not to pour into us, but to receive the hope that is in our hearts. This is an investment we are destined to make, and it will position us closer to the treasure we desire.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “The Hope That Is in You” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!