Category: Encouragement and Inspiration

We should never judge a book by its cover. This is one of those golden rules, and it truly is one to live by. Judging something solely on the basis of what appears externally can be a costly mistake, and many single women can testify to this. A person can be pleasing to the eye, but what’s going on inside of them can tell a completely different story. When you’re dating someone like this, it can be the most disappointing thing. The person looked to have it all together, but after getting to know them a little better, something just isn’t quite right. Regardless of how a person looks, when there’s an incompatibility between souls, it leads to all kinds of complications. This is a lesson that should prompt us to look in the mirror, because many of us look the part of a woman that’s got it going on, but on the inside, we’re burdened and suffering. Many of us never stop to think that our refusal to let some things go may be blocking us from the blessings we are destined to receive.

We all know women who hide behind their pain. Marilyn is one of them. The odd thing is that she’s someone that no one would ever suspect is unhappy. She’s 39 years old and married with two children. She’s been a high school teacher for many years, and all her students love her. Her husband adores her as well, and she is a very loving mother, but Marilyn is also a very sad woman on the inside. Her bathroom shower is her place of solace, and there she cries her heart out just about every night. She is very tired of feeling sad but doesn’t trust that anything can make it better.

Thoughts of her past are tormenting. She copes with it during the day by keeping as busy as possible, but at night the memories come flooding back in. Something happened years ago that shook her to her core, and she refuses to allow anyone to see her pain, not even her husband of fourteen years.

It is shocking to think that a person can function with this much pain and do everything within their power to keep it from everyone else. The truth is that many of us do this because we’ve never learned how not to do it. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14(NLT), “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Whether we know it or not, God is giving us a strategy for handling a troubling past, and Paul proved that it works, because if anyone had a troubling past, it was him. Paul trusted Christ, and through God’s grace, he put his past behind him.

He tells us that we have to focus, and this focus comes in two steps: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Both of these work together, but sometimes we make a habit of looking back. The fear of looking forward has tripped many of us because we think we might be disappointed if we get our hopes up. It’s just like meeting a very attractive person and discovering they have a really yucky personality. It’s a let-down, but that doesn’t mean that every attractive person is this way. There are some people that are beautiful on the outside and inside. So, something horrible may have happened in the past, but we shouldn’t give the past so much power that it shapes and molds our futures.

In 1Corinthians 3:10, Paul said that God had given him the grace to be a wise master builder, and because of this empowerment, he had laid a foundation. This is what you and I must do as well. We must build on the foundation laid by Jesus Christ, and the way to do this is to have faith that he will bless us and keep us surrounded in his safety. In John 10:10, Jesus Christ said that he left the throne of God and came to earth to make a more than abundant life available to us. It is up to you and I to walk in faith and manifest this abundance. We can have fulfillment, liberty, and love in our lives through Christ, and we must be sold out on the truth of this. We can do it, because God said it can be done. We don’t have to get stuck in the past because we are afraid to be happy in the present, but this is what Marilyn did. She was afraid of so many things, and she worried all the time. Nothing made her happy, and she expected to always be disappointed, no matter the situation. She would not allow her heart to trust Jesus Christ.

Trusting Jesus Christ with our pain is the solution! We don’t have to walk around with a bad attitude and allow pain to paint our hearts with darkness and fear. We can choose to forget the past! Jesus Christ instructs us in Matthew 11:28-30(NIV), “28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” The rest that Jesus Christ gives us is spiritual. It’s supernatural, which means it bypasses our understanding. Our only responsibility is to simply surrender to his care.

Meeting the special person that God has ordained for our lives is truly a blessing. We want them to be compatible with us, but we should honor the reality that they will want the same thing. Meeting someone that is one thing on the outside but something completely different on the inside isn’t anyone’s ideal soulmate, so we should do everything in our power not to be someone like that. Wear the love of Jesus Christ by accepting it totally and letting it saturate your heart. Don’t cling to the past, cling to him, because you can’t do both. Release your burdens to him, and trust in the blessings that God has in store for your life. You can do it because Jesus Christ says you can. Focus on trusting him and you’ll be amazed at the difference it will make in your life.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Forgetting the Things of the Past” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

1Corinthians 15:57 tells us to give thanks to God, for He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. This isn’t a victory that takes us to the half-way mark and drops us off. It’s overwhelming victory that applies to every aspect of your existence. It’s a huge arena, because the victory we have in Christ covers the expanse your entire life, every nook and cranny of it. So, underestimating the flexibility that God requires of us is a mistake. We have to walk by His divine guidance and direction every moment of every day, because spiritual training is never ending, but it’s the best thing that could ever happen to us, because victory in Christ is guaranteed. Again, this doesn’t apply to just one area of our lives; through Jesus Christ, we can have victory in every area. However, when it comes to victory in marital partnership, some of us are still warming up for the race. We’re learning how to maximize faith by beginning at a slower pace. Heavenly Father is making sure we don’t burn out in the middle of the race.

Victory means that you’re going to be uncomfortable. For many of us, this discomfort comes from being patient longer than we’d like and not knowing exactly what we ought to be doing during the wait. Well, one of the things we must do during the wait is prepare for what a marital future will hold for us. In consideration of this, my pastor reminds me to make sure Romans 8:37 is firmly etched in my heart. It tells us that we are more than conquerors in the Lord Jesus Christ. This is one of those verses that demonstrates the exceedingly abundant way in which God delivers on His promises. Most of us would have been thrilled to pieces about just being a conqueror—being able to tackle a few hefty challenges in life, but Jesus Christ has made us more than this. He made us more than conquerors because we need to be.

Being a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ will cost you something—victory always does. You can’t be more than a conqueror without having something to conquer. We’re going to have to go through some things, and we don’t have the luxury of skimming the surface. There’s a cross to bear, and the Apostle Paul was talking about this in Romans 8. During the biblical time in which he lived, believers were always in life or death situations. Ephesians 6:12 (KJV) says, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Believers in Paul’s time were up against this in a very real way because they were constantly under attack. By inspiration of the Spirit of God, Paul had to remind them who they were; they were more than conquerors through Christ and so are we.

Being a child of God means everything! If you weren’t a daughter of the Most High, you would probably choose a different kind of man, but because God has a plan for your life and your husband’s life, as a couple more is at stake. It is incredibly important that we demonstrate a pattern of making our relationship with God through Jesus Christ our number one priority. This guarantees that we’re increasing in spiritual strength. It means we can hear the directives God communicates regarding how to protect and maintain our marital unions.

It is also essential that we elevate the ministry of marriage above our physical and emotional desire for companionship. The institution of marriage belongs to God. He established it for His purpose. If our thinking about marital partnership doesn’t jive with a primary desire to please God first, and please our spouses second, our hearts will send the wrong signal, and the wrong person will pick it up.

God said in Isaiah 43:15-19(NLT), “I am the LORD, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”  This is the God we serve. He’s a God of promise! He is a God of victory! There’s nothing that compares to the plan He has for us and the victory He has already set in motion for our lives.

Things will not always be easy. There are evil forces working against our happiness and plotting to intercept our future marriages as well, but God has already worked this out. He’s already begun a new work within us, and He is sure to finish what He started. Let’s not make the mistake of overlooking the obvious. It will take an elevated way of behaving, thinking, and being to continue warming up your faith muscles. Walk with it until you can run with it. Be patient as the Lord prepares you. Pray and ask Him to tell you what you need to strengthen, and what you need to release so that you walk in the victory that Christ has already won. And if you seek the Lord with all your heart, you’ll be able to help your future husband do the same.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Promise of Victory” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, and it is the evidence of things not seen. We can’t reach out and touch the substance of faith, but it is more powerful than anything you and I can imagine. Faith allows us to step into our destinies in the Will of God, and it opens the door by which His blessings flow into our lives. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 17:20 that all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed, and we can speak to a mountain and have it move. From this we can see that our minds and hearts create the environment for faith to flourish. This means that our thoughts and emotions play an important role. So, when we’re looking to further ourselves in our ambitions and goals, particularly those involving marriage, our thoughts and emotions can help propel us forward or bring us to an abrupt halt.

Psalm 37:4(NKJV) tells us, “Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” This verse is an invitation for us to delight ourselves in all that God’s Word says He is, but many of us don’t keep the fire that fuels this delight burning in our bellies. Not only have some of us allowed the quest for marital partnership to disappoint us, but we’ve allowed this disappointment to impact the way we view the goodness of God. When I think of this, I’m reminded of my daughter when she celebrated her last birthday. She made a calendar for the month and crossed off every day until she got to her big day. I’d never seen such an enthusiastic and excited child on her birthday than my daughter. It is a blessing to witness this child-like joy. It is exactly the kind of joy we must hold for our Dear Sweet Heavenly Father every day of our lives. He deserves this.

We decorated her bedroom while she was asleep. That morning she woke up to birthday banners and streamers everywhere. She was so joyous and happy that I didn’t need to prod her at all for school that day. The next morning, I walked into her room, still decorated from the day before, and I asked her, “How’s the birthday girl the day after her big day?” She said, “Not as excited as I was yesterday.” Her excitement had dwindled because there was no anticipation of gifts and goodies the day after.

As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we must know that God never ceases to give us goodies. However, we should also see very clearly that our faith in God can’t be only driven by what we receive from Him, but by who He is. Life will not hold much gratification from day to day if we are not thrilled beyond belief for the privilege of being His children. 1John 1:5 tells us that He is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. We are His very own, His children of light, because He rescued us from darkness through the Lord Jesus Christ.

We must grow to a point that the revelation of what God has done through Christ fuels our heart with joy continually. We can never know the degree to which this joy helps us to cross paths with our future spouses, but it makes all the difference. The genuine quality of our delight in God places us squarely on the path to His goodness. Every day should carry the joy of a birthday for the believer. We can wake up with excitement in our hearts because of what God has done for us through Christ, and what He will continue to do to bring blessings and abundance into our lives.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Let Your Excitement Dwindle”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Recently, I heard a famous person say that the reason why his marriage didn’t last was because neither he nor his ex-wife were committed to the commitment of marriage. This blew me away! I’d never heard someone pinpoint the issue in their broken relationship so candidly. There was no blaming, hiding behind excuses or dodging responsibility, just a realization of the truth. Most people that get married, or those that have a deep desire to marry, don’t go into the commitment thinking they won’t remain committed. They go into it with an expectation that feelings and emotions they’ve experienced during the initial stage of their relationship will sustain them through any obstacles, and that these feelings will continue to grow and deepen. Many of us never really think through the possibility or inevitability that our feelings will change, and we need to manage this change in order for the relationship to thrive.

Marriage can be as beautiful and fulfilling as God ordained it to be, but He didn’t create us to be robots, so He won’t overstep or manipulate our feelings and emotions when we’re headed for trouble. This is an area that He’s given us the authority and dominion to govern by walking in the example of Jesus Christ. The reality is that we will make mistakes, and for many of us, our greatest relationship mistakes rests within the realm of our emotions.

We are born with sin in our bodies, and we are born into a sinful world. It is 100% guaranteed that we will have issues at some point. We’ve got some ingrained shortcomings passed down to us through generational sin, and these things can quickly spawn negative habit patterns. They can eventually turn into strongholds as we mature and develop into adults. A whole lot of us are oblivious to this. We don’t think about the impact of entrenched patterns, nor do we think about the emotional fall-out from having someone infringe upon them, or how we will be changed by a person continually posing the threat of triggering something we don’t like.

In Job 3:25, Job said that the thing that he feared most had come upon him. This is a lesson for us, whether we’re interested in marriage or not. Internal sore spots and wounds are ways of describing the condition of what the heart carries. The heart has storage capacity. It’s a treasury; it holds stuff, and sometimes it holds the wrong stuff. Remember when Adam and Eve sinned, and when God asked him about it, Adam said, “It’s the woman you gave me, she made me do it!” Sin ushered in shame. Before they sinned, there was no knowledge of shame and no experience of it. Their sin caused them to have this emotion, because the knowledge of evil was in their hearts and minds. This knowledge opens the door for all kinds of remnants of fear. This is what shame is, it is a derivative of fear.

Adam deflected to Eve because he didn’t want to go to the place of accountability and responsibility. It was painful, and he didn’t want to experience pain. He didn’t want to own the reality that he had violated God’s Word, bowed to the devil, and disappointed Heavenly Father. The darkness of his action was just too heavy for him to deal with. This is how those of us living today handle our baggage as well. Part of our self-preservation tactic is to deflect, blame or lash-out when a nerve is struck so that we don’t have to revisit or touch the sore place in our hearts.

This is one of the reasons God gives single people that are praying to be married a good bit of time these days prior to marriage. He wants us to deal with some of the issues that might hinder us from choosing the destiny partner He has ordained. Many of us are raised with values that don’t lend themselves to accepting responsibility and acknowledging our stuff. We don’t surrender it to the Lord Jesus Christ. Instead, we cover it up and make excuses. God has commanded that we renew our minds to the mind of Christ. This means cultivating a different way of viewing and dealing with remnants of fear.

Ephesians 5:33(NLT) tells us, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” A good friend of mine gave me some really good advice that will help keep God’s command in Ephesians 5:33. She said “Keep God at the center of your union, love on each other as much as possible, and don’t sweat the small stuff.” It takes prayer and a willingness to follow the leadership of the Holy Spirit to come to a place in our walk in Christ where we don’t sweat the small stuff.

When two people become one, a process takes place. You just don’t get married one day and have your oneness solidified in your hearts and minds the next. You have to go through some ups and downs in life together, so that your commitment and faith in God is purified by the fire. The reality is that it’s possible and likely that your partner will hurt you in ways you can’t begin to imagine from where you’re standing today. They will know you best, and also know your most vulnerable places. Those places where fear is hiding out will be exposed in a marriage. It ain’t pretty, but we must be anchored in our commitment to God and be willing to allow His love to fill the place where hurt and fear resided. If we’re obedient, our commitment to Him will strengthen our marriages through challenging times.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Committed to the Commitment”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!