Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • The Pruning Process

    The Pruning Process

    In John 15:1,2 (NLT), during the time that many biblical scholars believe was at the close of the last supper, Jesus Christ taught the disciples one of the most prolific lessons of living a spiritual life. He said, “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.” Before we can truly understand the meaning of this verse, we need to know a little bit about exactly what pruning entails. Pruning is a practice that involves removing selective parts of a plant or tree, such as its branches, buds, or roots. This is necessary to improve and maintain the overall health of the plant or tree. Pruning is very often targeted towards branches that are diseased, damaged, or non-productive, because these diseased, damaged, or non-productive branches are a hindrance to the entire tree. They keep the tree or plant from functioning in a way that yields continuous beauty, growth, and fruit.  There are a variety of different pruning techniques, but when it comes to the Master Gardener, our Heavenly Father, we don’t need to worry about the techniques; all we need to know is that we’re being pruned for a purpose.

    John 15:3-4 (NLT) says, “You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” Jesus Christ told the disciples that they had already gone through the pruning process. They were purified by the message he had given them. In this verse, we can see that he had given them very simple instructions that was instrumental to maintaining their pruned and purified status. He said “Remain in me.” This command suggests to us that the disciples had a choice. They could remain in Christ by following his example and ministry, or they could do the exact opposite. In other words, whether or not the disciples remained in Christ was dependent on their own volitional choice.

    For the disciples, and for us as well, the benefit to remaining in Christ is beyond extraordinary! He said “Remain in me, and I’ll remain in you.” Do you see that?!!! You don’t get any better than this. Christ gave us a guarantee here. “There is no way that I’ll leave you alone.” he said. “There is no way that I’ll leave you to fend for yourself in this cold, dark world. No. I’m gonna be with you every step of the way; I’ll remain in you.” He tells us, but he then also warns us to be careful, because “A branch cannot produce fruit if it is cut-off from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

    Jesus Christ is talking directly to the believers in this passage. He’s letting us know that he’s the vine, and that you and I can do things that will cause us to be cut-off from him if we’re not careful. It’s quite simple really. A person should be able to look at a Christian’s life and see the disciplines and rewards of Christianity. We look to see in them the deposition, attitude, and behavior of someone who models Christ. As for our beloved Savior’s part, he will never cut himself off from us, but that isn’t the case with many of us who are born again and living today. Sometimes we indulge in unfruitfulness. We commit actions and make choices that do not match the magnitude of our spiritual reality in Christ. This is how we cut ourselves off from him.

    Fruit is designed to honor God. He doesn’t bother with plants that refuse to produce, but for those of us who intend to honor God, the pruning process is inescapable and unavoidable; thank the Lord for it.  John 15 tells us that God prunes the branches that DO bear fruit, so that they will produce even more. So producing fruit the first time was a great blessing, but being pruned to produce even more fruit is a pressed down, running over the top blessing. So we should do everything we can to cooperate with Heavenly Father as He prunes us for His glory, and for ours.

    Many Christians are as miserable as can be, and it’s because they’re walking around dragging diseased, damaged, or non-productive branches that God pruned a long time ago. These Christians are unfruitful because they won’t recognize God’s pruning expertise. Those branches should have fallen off by now, but we’ve hot glued ‘em, taped them, and tried some of everything else we can find to keep those dead branches attached to our lives.

    1Corinthians 6:18 says, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” There are many Christians who, even after committing themselves to be their best for God, are still indulging sexual sin. We know better, but we’ve grown comfortable with business as usual. This is a dead branch.

    Anything that does not grow will die, and everything that wishes to sustain life will seek to grow. Simply put, in order for life to continue, growth is inevitable. A person who no longer wishes to thrive by reaching out to others with the love of God, and growing in His grace every day, is a person who has branches that need to be removed. God is not slack. He knows exactly what needs to be pruned in our lives. He knows exactly how to remove the dead branches, but we have to be a willing vessel in order for the pruning process to be complete. Again, for many of us Heavenly Father has pruned those dead branches, but He will not remove them from our lives if we refuse to let them go.

    The people…the situations…the consequences we encounter are not the dead branches. They are the mirrors that reflect and reveal the things that we have refused to let go. God is pruning you to receive all the wonderful blessings He has in store for you. So don’t ever work against the pruning process of our Heavenly Father. Realize that sinful attitudes and actions keep you from the blessing of marriage, but as soon as you release them, God can move you closer to the blessings you truly desire. ■

     

  • God Gave Him to Me – Part 2

    God Gave Him to Me – Part 2

    Our attitude must be like the psalmist in Psalms 56:4 (NLT) “I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” God wants us to have the best, and we can’t be afraid to relinquish that which is no longer useful to our journeys in order to make room for something that is much better for us. He said in Psalms 91:14 “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.”

    Fear cripples our efforts to move forward, because it displays a lack of trust in Heavenly Father. We have to understand how incredibly serious and meaningful this walk in Christ is. Every decision we make is spiritual and will impact our relationship with God in some way, so it behooves us to be doubly sure that we are doing those things that bring us closer to Him. He rescues those who love Him, and protects those who trust in Him, but trust we must.

    Patricia was a Christian woman, but even if it was on a subconscious level, she believed that her relationship with God had its place, and this place was separate from her love life. On one hand was the church Patricia, and on the other hand she was the ‘Patricia’ that she presented to the world. She had never reconciled the two. It was a duality that seemingly allowed her to keep each foot wedged in the door of both worlds—a life that indulged the pleasures of the flesh while at the same time looking the part of a spiritually together sister when necessary.

    Jesus Christ warned the disciples in Matthew 6:24(NLT) “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other.” The truth of what Jesus Christ is saying is that life does not tolerate duality. God’s laws are etched in stone. He does not change and neither does His immutable laws. We can try and bend them if we choose, but it will most assuredly be a futile exercise. You and I have to make choices that clearly signify that we choose God, over and over again, without hesitation—without reservation—without deviation.

    Heavenly Father created the universe to reward only those decisions and choices that are made with this kind of conviction, because this is the only way that proves that you truly have His love anchored in your heart. Only God knows if you, as a single Christian, have gotten to this place in your walk with Him, but if you haven’t, you should know that this is what He expects, and He will continue to help you get there. Jesus Christ went on to tell us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God first in all things. Patricia didn’t do that, but at any point she can turn things around. She can muster the courage to turn Jason loose and let him be free to walk his own path—one that doesn’t include her. She can begin to trust God explicitly by understanding that she truly does deserve a man who loves her the way that Christ loves the church, and that putting God first is the only way to guarantee that she can love this man that same way too.●

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • God Gave Him To Me!

    God Gave Him To Me!

    Jason Bellamere is a licensed commercial heating, ventilation, and air conditioning technician who has owned a small HVAC franchise for the last ten years. And in case you didn’t know, heating, ventilation, and air conditioning (HVAC) techs earn quite a nice living. He’s 37, slightly balding on top, has the cutest dimples you’ve ever seen, and has a smile that is nothing short of sensational. He’s a cutie, no question about it, and he’s a really nice guy too, but guess what? He’s not ready to get married. He doesn’t have any children, has never been married, and he’s always enjoyed the flexibility and perks of being a single, financially secure and attractive man. Patricia Gray met him almost two years ago and they’ve been dating off and on ever since. In her mind they have an exclusive relationship, but Jason has never verbalized this kind of commitment to her. He likes Patricia a lot and sometimes he feels as though he loves her, but he’s not sure. Jason knows how much Patricia cares for him and he has tried not to hurt her, but lately he’s been feeling as though she is getting too serious. He felt he had to do something, so a few weeks ago he told her flat out that they didn’t want the same things. He told her that he didn’t see marriage in their future.

    Patricia was devastated initially. Most women would consider Jason to be a great catch and she knows it, but you wouldn’t think that she was the sort of woman who would beg a man to stay. She’s successful in her own right, and brings as much to the table financially as Jason, but to her surprise she was more emotionally invested in him than she ever thought she could be. At 38, she had been going on dates for years without meeting anyone that had even come close to a man like Jason.

    Those were what she called her drought years, and they had lasted longer than she cared to mention. Patricia didn’t want to repeat a spell like that ever again. She wanted it to be finally behind her. So when she met Jason, quite naturally she assumed that he was an answer to her prayers. This is why, after thinking over his honest, yet hurtful, summation regarding their relationship, she did something that she never thought she would. She resigned in her mind that he was worth the wait. She would take whatever Jason was willing to give, in hopes that one day he would change his mind about their relationship.

    In 1Corinthians 13:11 (NLT), the Apostle Paul said “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” When it comes to relationships with men, as women, very often times we never get to this place emotionally—a place where we put away childish things. We find ourselves gravitating towards fantasies rather than reality, and we cling to the fantasy for dear life, no matter the cost. This is exactly what Patricia did.

    When faced with the reality of Jason’s true feelings, Patricia chose to retreat to childhood fears—those of being lonely, abandoned, and insecure. She reasoned that it was better to take her chances on half a prince than no prince at all. She liked being with Jason, and couldn’t see herself with anyone else. Quite frankly, she didn’t want anyone else; she wanted him, and she didn’t want to go back to where she was before Jason came into her life. He had never been unkind. He was fun to be around, and he was very good looking. Consciously, this is the thought process that led to her decision to remain in this relationship.

    In the meantime, they would continue to date, and she would continue to indulge in physical intimacy with him. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that this, too, would help to persuade him to someday make her his wife.

    Even though from the outside looking in, Patricia and Jason looked like the ideal couple, this was not God’s best—far from it. Jason could have pumped the breaks and said to Patricia, “I can’t do that to you. I won’t take advantage of you by sexing you up, all the while knowing that I have no intentions of marrying you. I think too much of you to do that. Let’s just part ways.” A mature and truly caring man would have said that. Although Jason was fully grown, he lacked the kind of maturity to be unselfish and make a compassionate and thoughtful decision like this.

    Patricia compromised her relationship with God in order to have a relationship with Jason. There is nowhere to go but down from there. Patricia didn’t think that she was doing anything terribly wrong, after all, she reasoned, “God gave me this man.” But God doesn’t give us people. He makes us stewards over their care WHEN we are spiritually prepared for the responsibility that comes with the job. God expects that we will love people that come into our lives by following the example of Jesus Christ, so that they have an up close and personal picture of God’s love in the flesh. That is what you and I are supposed to represent. Your man should feel as though you are a little piece of heaven, helping him to become better spiritually than he was before you came into his life, but Patricia wasn’t interested in Jason’s spiritual growth. It didn’t matter to her whether he grew in the Lord or not; she just wanted a warm body. She wanted a man with certain characteristics and Jason fit the bill.

    To a large degree, she had destroyed her witness before him. Jason could no longer look at her and see the Christ within. He saw a woman who was willing to compromise her stand in order to keep him. And this was all because of her fear of being lonely; it was because of the agony of returning to those drought years that she had experienced at one time in her life. The periods of loneliness that so many women endure may indeed represent a season of drought, but what does any wise person do when facing a drought? He or she looks for food.

    When it all boils down to it, it doesn’t matter how handsome or kind a person may be, he or she does not have the capacity to feed your soul. The Word of God is the only food nutritious enough to truly feed the pain of loneliness. Romans 12:2(NKJV) tells us, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” We have to allow God to fill our hearts as we study the scriptures and become transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is the only long-lasting and healing remedy for overcoming loneliness, by looking to God and allowing Him to teach us how to become strong—so that we don’t look to find in another human being what can only be found in Him.