Jason Bellamere is a licensed commercial heating, ventilation, and air conditioning technician who has owned a small HVAC franchise for the last ten years. And in case you didn’t know, heating, ventilation, and air conditioning (HVAC) techs earn quite a nice living. He’s 37, slightly balding on top, has the cutest dimples you’ve ever seen, and has a smile that is nothing short of sensational. He’s a cutie, no question about it, and he’s a really nice guy too, but guess what? He’s not ready to get married. He doesn’t have any children, has never been married, and he’s always enjoyed the flexibility and perks of being a single, financially secure and attractive man. Patricia Gray met him almost two years ago and they’ve been dating off and on ever since. In her mind they have an exclusive relationship, but Jason has never verbalized this kind of commitment to her. He likes Patricia a lot and sometimes he feels as though he loves her, but he’s not sure. Jason knows how much Patricia cares for him and he has tried not to hurt her, but lately he’s been feeling as though she is getting too serious. He felt he had to do something, so a few weeks ago he told her flat out that they didn’t want the same things. He told her that he didn’t see marriage in their future.
Patricia was devastated initially. Most women would consider Jason to be a great catch and she knows it, but you wouldn’t think that she was the sort of woman who would beg a man to stay. She’s successful in her own right, and brings as much to the table financially as Jason, but to her surprise she was more emotionally invested in him than she ever thought she could be. At 38, she had been going on dates for years without meeting anyone that had even come close to a man like Jason.
Those were what she called her drought years, and they had lasted longer than she cared to mention. Patricia didn’t want to repeat a spell like that ever again. She wanted it to be finally behind her. So when she met Jason, quite naturally she assumed that he was an answer to her prayers. This is why, after thinking over his honest, yet hurtful, summation regarding their relationship, she did something that she never thought she would. She resigned in her mind that he was worth the wait. She would take whatever Jason was willing to give, in hopes that one day he would change his mind about their relationship.
In 1Corinthians 13:11 (NLT), the Apostle Paul said “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” When it comes to relationships with men, as women, very often times we never get to this place emotionally—a place where we put away childish things. We find ourselves gravitating towards fantasies rather than reality, and we cling to the fantasy for dear life, no matter the cost. This is exactly what Patricia did.
When faced with the reality of Jason’s true feelings, Patricia chose to retreat to childhood fears—those of being lonely, abandoned, and insecure. She reasoned that it was better to take her chances on half a prince than no prince at all. She liked being with Jason, and couldn’t see herself with anyone else. Quite frankly, she didn’t want anyone else; she wanted him, and she didn’t want to go back to where she was before Jason came into her life. He had never been unkind. He was fun to be around, and he was very good looking. Consciously, this is the thought process that led to her decision to remain in this relationship.
In the meantime, they would continue to date, and she would continue to indulge in physical intimacy with him. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that this, too, would help to persuade him to someday make her his wife.
Even though from the outside looking in, Patricia and Jason looked like the ideal couple, this was not God’s best—far from it. Jason could have pumped the breaks and said to Patricia, “I can’t do that to you. I won’t take advantage of you by sexing you up, all the while knowing that I have no intentions of marrying you. I think too much of you to do that. Let’s just part ways.” A mature and truly caring man would have said that. Although Jason was fully grown, he lacked the kind of maturity to be unselfish and make a compassionate and thoughtful decision like this.
Patricia compromised her relationship with God in order to have a relationship with Jason. There is nowhere to go but down from there. Patricia didn’t think that she was doing anything terribly wrong, after all, she reasoned, “God gave me this man.” But God doesn’t give us people. He makes us stewards over their care WHEN we are spiritually prepared for the responsibility that comes with the job. God expects that we will love people that come into our lives by following the example of Jesus Christ, so that they have an up close and personal picture of God’s love in the flesh. That is what you and I are supposed to represent. Your man should feel as though you are a little piece of heaven, helping him to become better spiritually than he was before you came into his life, but Patricia wasn’t interested in Jason’s spiritual growth. It didn’t matter to her whether he grew in the Lord or not; she just wanted a warm body. She wanted a man with certain characteristics and Jason fit the bill.
To a large degree, she had destroyed her witness before him. Jason could no longer look at her and see the Christ within. He saw a woman who was willing to compromise her stand in order to keep him. And this was all because of her fear of being lonely; it was because of the agony of returning to those drought years that she had experienced at one time in her life. The periods of loneliness that so many women endure may indeed represent a season of drought, but what does any wise person do when facing a drought? He or she looks for food.
When it all boils down to it, it doesn’t matter how handsome or kind a person may be, he or she does not have the capacity to feed your soul. The Word of God is the only food nutritious enough to truly feed the pain of loneliness. Romans 12:2(NKJV) tells us, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” We have to allow God to fill our hearts as we study the scriptures and become transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is the only long-lasting and healing remedy for overcoming loneliness, by looking to God and allowing Him to teach us how to become strong—so that we don’t look to find in another human being what can only be found in Him.