Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • Should He Trust You With His Heart?

    Should He Trust You With His Heart?

    A person once said that he was so hurt by a comment his ex-girlfriend made, that he never saw her in the same light again. Their relationship was decimated by her hurtful words; so much so that after she spoke them, her boyfriend was repelled by the thought of being in her company for any length of time. Proverbs 18:21(NLT) tells us “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” I realize that this may be a verse that most of us have heard numerous times, but if you’re reading this, you’re in the business of spiritually preparing for marriage. Preparation means that we need to look under the hood of scripture several times, so that the revelation of it really sinks into our brain cells.

    This is a simple and short verse, but it packs a powerful punch. Proverbs 18:21 tells us that our tongues can be weapons that not only hurt others, but they also can rob us of blessings as well. Sometimes we forget the impact of what we say and how easily offensive we can be with our words. In the case of the man I mentioned, he and his girlfriend were not having a heated argument, and she was not intentionally lashing out at him in anger. The truth of it is that she made two very distinct, harmful, and common mistakes.

    God tells us in Hebrews 10:17 that when we seek His forgiveness for our sins, He remembers them no more. Most of us are not this way. When someone does or says something to hurt our feelings, we might let it go to a certain extent, but just let a heated situation come to roost. The sting of that past hurt will spark again, and we’ll hit the replay button on that scenario with a quickness. Five years could have passed, but some of us will still bring up that scabbed over incident in an argument. The point is that people are not as quick to forget past offences as some of us think. We need to always keep this in mind, particularly when it comes to our future spouses or the important person in our lives.

    In our relationships with men, one of the common mistakes that we make is to forget that they are more sensitive than we think. Once a man lets you into his heart, he makes himself more vulnerable than perhaps he lets on. We can’t play the naïve card on this one; we’re too intuitive for that. We know when the man has made space for us in his heart, even if it’s a small one. As a Christian woman, we should be particularly sensitive to this, and it should make us more grounded in our responsibility to pay close attention to what we say.

    The other harmful mistake that sister-girl made, and again, all of us do this at some point with our words, is forgetting the lasting impression they make. Think back to a time when someone said something to you that hurt your feelings. You haven’t forgotten it. Even though you have probably forgiven the person, the sting of their words is still in the background of your consciousness, and you wouldn’t want to relive the situation. So again, words can cause irreparable damage in a relationship. As someone praying and preparing to meet the man that will ultimately be your husband, your well of sensitivity needs to be deepened now, and not later.

    As Christians, we should use our mouths to uplift and inspire those around us, and not let an untamed tongue get away from us. We can potentially make a statement to the important man in our life that can leave wounds that stick around with him for a very long time. They will often put up a valiant front on the outside, but this is just a shield.

    The last thing that you want is for the words you’ve spoken to injure your partner; it harms your relationship. So, a great preparation strategy is to pray about this sooner rather than later. God knows this very moment the man that will be your husband. Pray that Heavenly Father will prepare you by bringing any impulsive tendencies that you may have to your attention. Pray that He will help you to develop the well of sensitivity and compassion that is going to bless your future husband and inspire him to trust you with his heart. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    “Should He Trust You With His Heart?” written by FACM ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

     

     

  • Once the Swelling Goes Down

    Once the Swelling Goes Down

    These days, plenty of folks think that it’s more important to be sensitive or compassionate than truthful. It’s a pretty difficult balancing act, and sometimes we’re in a position where we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, and we didn’t even know it. All of us, in general, simply don’t have the kind of tough skin that was common place at one time. Some people think this is a good thing, and others not so much. The one thing that rings true to a certain degree, is that women have essentially still cornered the market when it comes to sensitivity. On a whole, I’d say that we’re more likely to curb what we do and say for the sake of sparing someone’s feelings. On the other hand, our male counterparts seem to still have some significant room to grow in this area; particularly when it comes to getting a relationship off the ground or taking it to the next level.

    We’ve all heard it said that kids say the darndest things, but some would argue that their husbands or boyfriends take the cake. Most of us have imagined how tender and loving it is to hear our husbands or boyfriends say the words we’ve always wanted to hear. We rarely think about a scenario when those words are hardly ever spoken, or when they are, it’s not quite what we imagined. It can be quite a letdown. To put it bluntly, some men-folk have a difficult time expressing how they truly feel, and not only this; sometimes the craziest things come out of their mouths.

    Proverbs 27:5-6(NIV) gives us some wonderful wisdom when it comes to taking it on the chin. It says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” In other words, sometimes the person that loves you, or who would like to, might say something that stings; but their honesty and realness is more valuable than the hurt you might experience.

    I have girlfriends that have ended budding relationships because they were so deeply offended by an off-comment or a truth spoken too frank for their taste. We have to consider that when a man is uncouth in some of his mannerisms and speech, sometimes it doesn’t mean that his heart is lacking. It could mean that he’s never had someone in his life that cares enough to make him want to be his best.

    God didn’t keep it a secret that an important part of our womanhood is to be helpful to those Heavenly Father has placed in our lives. Nothing happens by happenstance; all of our acquaintances are important to our walk in Christ. We have an opportunity to leave an imprint of the Father’s love on every person that comes across our path. There can be no question in our minds that the right man will respond to the love of God that is in our hearts. And yes, there are bumps along the way, and sometimes they are significant, but we can never forget that our responsibility to be obedient to God overrides everything else.

    There’s another old saying, “They’ll be ok once the swelling goes down.” It’s one of the many southern colloquialisms that’s so to the point, you can’t help but shake your head. It’s said about a person whose feelings are hurt by a statement that just happens to be the truth. So the person will just have to deal with it, and when the soreness goes away, they’ll be just fine. We should take this in stride as we prepare for marital partnership in the future.

    Words sometimes hurt, and when hurtful words are spoken by the person we’re interested in, it’s a double whammy. We may be taken aback, but we should be mature enough to respond in love and patience. That’s always going to be what the Father expects from us. We don’t have to necessarily hide our displeasure, but we need to temper it with an understanding that all of us are works in progress. If we’ll remember the patience that the Father has had with each of us, we might find that something quite nice can develop after the swelling goes down. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

     “Once the Swelling Goes Down”, written FACM ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Put Your Words on A Diet

    Put Your Words on A Diet

    John 1:1 tells us that in the beginning was the Word of God, and we know from Genesis that Heavenly Father literally spoke things into existence. This gives us some indication of how incredibly potent words can be. Our mouths are no play thing, for with them confessions are made. When we first came to Christ, God accepted us based on the earnest confession of our mouths. We had to ask for forgiveness and confess Jesus Christ as the Lord of our lives before we could be saved from a life of sin and death. The words we spoke had eternal consequences. That’s mind blowing! The light was switched on in our consciousness as our spirits were born-again and awakened to newness. All of this occurred by speaking forth words from the most earnest place in our hearts. There can be no doubt that God placed an incredible power in our tongues, and it is our responsibility to ensure that the quality and the quantity of our words is just right.

    Proverbs 18:20 (NLT) tells us, “Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.” There is so much power in the words we choose, and even more so in how we use them. When it comes to the life we have before us, some of us are dissatisfied. And it is either that we haven’t used enough of the right words, or we’ve used too many of the wrong ones. Many people have a problem with accepting this level of accountability, but that has no bearing whatsoever on the truth of this. Our confessions, the words we speak, have tremendous impact on not only the life we have, but they lay the ground work for the future to come.

    Proverbs 18:21 affirms that death and life are in the power of the tongue. When you allow yourself to take in the full breath of this truth, you begin to truly understand what it is to be a spiritual being. God has equipped us through our physicality and spirituality with an instrument of power. We can actually create an internal blueprint of intangible, intellectual reasoning called thoughts. We conjure up emotions to support those thoughts, and then through the physical manipulation of our vocal chords, we deliver tangible evidence of our thoughts externally through the apparatus of our tongues. That’s absolutely amazing! Let no one tell you differently, we were magnificently created and designed by The Almighty.

    So now we have before us the elements of a worthy and intelligent question. It is this, when it comes to our quests to be married, could it be that our thoughts and words have given our faith indigestion?

    If this is the case, then the only logical choice is to put our words on a diet. We need to cut out the saltiness and season them wisely, because God’s Word tells us that wise words satisfy like a good meal.

    This feeling of being satisfied with the fullness of life is the destiny of every single Christian woman that desires to be married. It is also the privilege and testimony of their faith to use their words, feelings, and deeds to position themselves to reap the harvest of a good husband.

    As Christians, our mouths should be used to uplift and inspire, but there are times when an untamed tongue will win.  James 3:5 (NLT) tells us, “So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6; And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” Don’t make this a habit pattern. It is extremely vital to understand that in a relationship or marriage, if you’re not careful, using your tongue in a hurtful manner is like quick sand – it will sink any relationship. Even when you don’t mean to say them, once those hurtful words are out there, you can’t take them back. They are like boomerangs that will ultimately come around to swipe you.

    Sometimes we forget the impact of what we say and how easily offensive we can be with our words.  Be careful of what and how you say things, because words can cut deeper than any weapon. Peter 3:10 (NLT) warns, “For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.”” Try the art of minimization, and let it act as your vocal filter. You’ll be amazed in the strides you make by curtailing your words, and choosing to speak life, or say nothing at all.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Put Your Words on A Diet”, written by FACM for FindingChristianMan.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • “Was That Really You Lord?”

    “Was That Really You Lord?”

    “Was that really You Lord?” is one of those questions that I believe God is very use to His kids asking Him. This is especially true after we’ve made a decision that we thought was on point with the Lord, but the results speak another story entirely. Parents can identify with this. Your child does something that is totally off the wall, and ends up making a huge mess of things. After being confronted they immediately give you the line, “but I thought you said I could!!!” This is the go-to they use to get themselves off the hook.

    Authority is key. The word of the one on whose authority we depend is bond. This is the rack we hang our hats on. Parents are the authority figures for their children. Sometimes, our children can try and play the sneaky card. They do things of which they know the parent would not approve, and will try to manipulate their parent’s authority by saying they believed they received permission, when permission was never given. No new tricks under the sun; this one is classic.

    Instinctively we know that if permission is given, the outcome is not entirely one in which we will bear total responsibility. Part of the outcome can be attributed to the one in authority; the one on whose permission we rested our foray into the unknown. The reasoning behind this is: “It’s not totally my fault if I took a risk, and it didn’t pan out. I did it because I received permission, and I equated permission from my authority figure to the promise of a safe and positive outcome.” This is the kind of mentality we bring into our relationship with God at times.

    Hebrews 4:11-13(NLT) says, “11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.

    12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

    As a people who really and truly love God, we need to know that He has provided a way for us enter into rest. Rest is a state of being where there isn’t any chaos; there’s no indifference or struggle. There is a peace that comes with the rest that God provides. This is His goal for us. He tells us that we can’t get to this place of peaceful rest through disobedience. It can only be accessed through obedience.

    Heavenly Father goes on to tell us in Hebrew 4:11 that His Word is alive! It’s not asleep, so there can be no ifs, ands, and buts about the doctrine, instructions, and corrections that His Word provides.  God’s Word is perfect and definitive. When it comes to the whopper conundrums that we sometimes end up with, make no mistake about it, there are instances when we genuinely believe that we’ve heard from God. We believe that He’s given us a green light to proceed. Then, we end up making one of the biggest mistakes of our lives.

    “Was that really you Lord? Didn’t You tell me he was the one? Didn’t You tell me it was okay to marry this man? Why am I now facing this awful situation? I thought You told me that I could proceed and You would make sure that I’d be blessed?” Our Heavenly Father knows the decisions we will make even before we make them. Not only does He know them, but He already has seen the outcome.  In truth, when we leap into making decisions, thinking that God has given us the green light and things don’t end up being the absolute best for us, we should then realize a few things. Chief among them is how much we may have compromised ourselves through impatience. We didn’t give ourselves time to really find out God’s agenda for our lives.

    The Word of God is sharper than any sword because it cuts through the confusion we enter into when we don’t know what to do or which way to turn. This is why we must study His Word. As we get into God’s Word, we can receive wisdom from other sources as well that will back it up. Sometimes through a close friend, family member or even a co-worker, God can help to zap us into consciousness. Some of us begin to recognize the help, but others of us remain asleep and refuse to wake up about what we’re doing. We have a habit of intentionally avoiding what we know is right because we want something on the double.

    Discernment takes wisdom and through wisdom we should know that if we are committed to a life of obedience, God is willing and able to keep our feet from falling in any situation. We are never the worse for being patient. And even when we make the mistake of impatience…when our hearts may get a little bruised from time to time, we’re still in the game of living and learning; and this is always a blessing we should never take for granted.

    So always remember that nothing is ever hidden from God’s sight, and everything with Him is uncovered and laid bare before Him. He will not make decisions for us. We can’t ask God to make guarantees that are already provided through obedience to His Word. Hebrews 4:13 tells us that we are the ones that must give account of our actions. He has made it very plain that He doesn’t keep from us the information we need to hear. He’s told us that His Word is alive and active. Therefore, following His Word will always lead us down the right path, and His Word will never lead us astray. So let’s be very real about this one, because it’s never about whether or not He’s spoken to us. It is always about our willingness to have patience, study, listen, and obey.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Was That Really You Lord?”, written by FACM. FindingChristian Man.com©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

     

  • Getting Back to Square One

    Getting Back to Square One

    In order to attract the type of love you deserve, you first must understand and know what love is. It is more than warm fuzzies on a cold winter’s night. It is more than someone holding you close and whispering sweet words in your ear. These are lovely things of course, and they help to develop intimacy in a relationship, but they cannot define what love is. Finding the person that God has ordained to be your marital partner is a good mission in life. It is a desire to expand and increase through love, so that you have greater room to bless and receive. For most of us, this requires that we pull back layers of stuff that we’ve accumulated through life, and get back to square one. In other words, we have to stop assigning our own interpretations to what it means to truly love someone, and get back to what God says about the matter.

    2Corinthians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” The treasure of God’s love and power is inside of our earthen vessels. It’s inside of us, and it is given to us by God so that the love we give out to others will not be substandard or lacking in any way. It is excellent love, because it comes from the heart of God. Our responsibility then, is to learn to bring the excellency of God’s love from the inside of us and express it to others outwardly.

    This is where we get it twisted sometimes. We want to take credit and think that we can love a person enough all by ourselves. We cannot. Without learning to love God’s way, we simply cannot love someone a lifetime in a way that makes them better, while also making us better as well. Only the love of Jesus Christ has this kind of power.

    Some of us might feel a deep longing to be loved. We might also think that this need to be loved is the reason we should seek to be married. Really, our need to love others with a Christ-kind of love should be at the forefront of our desire for marriage. After accepting the love of Jesus Christ and making him the head of our lives, the love of Christ can begin to flow out of us. When it does, it has a major impact. If given in service and care for others, this love of God in Christ will literally attract the opportunity to meet our future spouses.

    Love begins with Christ. It begins when we accept his love into our hearts. As we learn of Jesus Christ, we will grow in love, and we will hear an awful lot about surrendering to God and being humble. For the single Christian person that is desiring to increase through the union of marriage, surrendering and humility are two spiritual lessons that cannot be missed. We need to surrender the idea that we know enough about love, we simply don’t; and we need to be humble so that God can teach us how to love His way.

    When it comes to us being able to love in the way that our future marriages will require, God knows exactly where the holes are. He knows the missing elements. Without certain spiritual lessons about the love of Christ, and without changing some habits and qualities that we have, our future marriages might collapse. They will collapse because we haven’t built a strong enough foundation on the example of Christ to hold a marriage up.

    Yes, it takes two people to make it work, but the beauty of the reality of Christ is that it only takes one person in a marriage to hold up the standard. The other person then has no other choice but to respond to it. This is how potent the love of God in Christ is. God’s love changes things. It motivates, creates, and makes life infinitely better. So we have to surrender this idea that we have already attained the level of a fully mature love emotionally and mentally. It needs to be perfected through Christ, and getting back to square one requires us to not only acknowledge this, but to pull back layers of things like jealousy, insecurities, arrogance, conceit, and other heavies; so that we can love fully.

    Jesus Christ told us something that is a huge piece of knowledge, and it will help us to put on more of his example of love. He said in Matthew 11:29 that he is humble. This is more beautiful than anything we can imagine. Jesus Christ is a King! He is more royal, powerful, and glorious than any king in the earth could ever hope to be, yet he tells us that he is humble. This should warm your heart to pieces.

    Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT) says, “3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others too.” Humility will require a person to strip away all layers of pride and arrogance. It requires that a person be eager to demonstrate a denial of self for the benefit of others. It is wanting to see others blessed more than wanting it for ourselves. This is absolutely essential in a marriage, and very few marriages can make it without this kind of humility.

    Adjustments and transition can be challenging, but to partner they are necessary and unavoidable if we desire to be successful spouses. We do not have all the answers, but we know who does. As you seek the fulfillment of God’s promise, you must come earnestly before Him with a mind-and-heart-set to learn to walk in His love more fully. When you renew your commitment to be patient and allow Jesus to lead and teach you, he will prepare you to partner in marriage through his love. ■

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

     Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Getting Back to Square One” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Some Things You’ve Gotta Keep to Yourself!

    Some Things You’ve Gotta Keep to Yourself!

    Two weeks ago I was talking to a Sister-in-Christ who was very excited because she had recently met someone. She felt this man had all the ingredients for the making of a long term relationship. They met through mutual friends, and as it turned out, both share similar interests and desires for the future; including marriage. She’s never been married before, and the new guy is divorced with two children. Professionally, they’ve both done quite well for themselves. This sister-friend hasn’t had a significant relationship in a long time, and with plenty of family and friends between the both of them, she couldn’t wait to share her joy with everyone. She was so excited that she could hardly contain herself.

    In the beginning, everyone, including a few co-workers with whom she had shared the good news, all seemed excited for her and wished her well. With each date her relationship with the new beau got better and better, and she’d share a few details of the new milestones they were making, and how well they were getting along. She’s not the bragging type, but this is the happiest she has been in a long time, and it’s natural to want to share your happiness with those closest to you.

    After a while, she began to notice that whenever she mentioned plans for the weekend with her new friend, she didn’t receive the kind of comments she once had. Instead, distasteful or disapproving comments were made. She began to wish that she had never shared the details of her new relationship.

    We have to accept the fact that not everyone will be happy for us as we make the change from single woman to wife. For whatever reasons, there will be some folks who do not want us to take that walk down the aisle. As long as this sister’s desire for a husband was unsatisfied and she remained single, the people she had always counted on for friendship and advice were comfortable. Her single status made them feel a little superior, but as soon as her status changed, jealousy and pettiness slipped in.

    The devil is happy to see the single Christian woman without a husband, and will do everything that he can to keep her from marrying. The enemy hates the strength of a family unit, because of the destiny that God has placed on their bloodlines; he doesn’t want their legacy of believing off-spring to continue. So he tries to nullify the strength of a husband and wife team in the earth, and he does this through other people.

    God warns us in Proverbs 18:21 (NLT), “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” This is really powerful information to have. It is so important to allow God the room to help you cement a relationship through the Holy Spirit before you open it up to everyone. The less the enemy (and those he might work through) knows about your plans, the less able he is to intercept them through others. So to help you incubate the birth of something beautiful a bit longer, here are a few other helpful tips:

    Celebrate in Silence
    When you’re in a new relationship, you’re in sort of a ‘honeymoon’ state. Butterflies in the tummy are common for a good little while. Whenever you see the person, your stomach does flip-flops or you may feel blissfully fulfilled to have someone new in your life. It’s normal to want to share your excitement with others, but when your gut tells you, “Uh uh, you better keep your mouth closed about this one for a minute,” listen to it. Celebrate those milestones together quietly until Heavenly Father gives you the green light that the relationship is on good, solid ground.

    You’ll Know When the Time is Right
    Remain committed to establishing your new relationship without impetuous assumptions or expectations that create avoidable pressure. If you’re not sure about introducing him to family or friends, wait until the indwelling Holy Spirit gives you a decent comfort level about it. He, the Spirit, will give you the “all clear.” And let’s keep it real, just because the new fella sends you to butterfly-ville, it doesn’t mean that he’s the one. You will gain a lot of information about a person after spending some quality time together. So keeping the introductions to a minimum is important, at least until you know whether or not he’s a keeper. You’ll save yourself the embarrassment and time of having to explain the details.

    A while ago I met someone that liked me a lot. He seemed like a very nice person, and I was open to the possibility of dating, so I agreed to meet for dinner. He wasn’t someone that had caught my interest initially, but we saw each other regularly for a little while. It wasn’t long before I recognized that his personality was not a good mix with my own. It just wasn’t conducive to establishing a long-term relationship, so I made the decision not to waste anymore of his time, or mine. I was so thankful that I had not acted impetuously and made any assumptions about where the relationship might go. I introduced him to very few people, and it saved me the anguish of having to explain to most of my friends why I was no longer seeing the new guy. Again, it’s best to wait out or simplify the introductions. You’ll know when the time is right for more.

    Keeping Quiet is Good Stewardship
    Part of being a good steward of God’s blessings is knowing how and when to be discreet. God expects that we’ll know how to keep certain things quiet in order to protect and preserve the treasure that He has placed in our hands. Continue to pray and ask for guidance in your new relationship. Don’t allow your emotions to overwhelm your heart, because this often causes us to become overzealous and careless. It’s not about trying to be secretive. It’s about walking in wisdom. You’ll have plenty of time to publicly celebrate when you’re walking down that aisle.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Some Things You’ve Gotta Keep to Yourself!” written for FACM ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Climate Control

    Climate Control

    In the Old Testament, in 2 Samuel, Chapter 21, God tells us about an occurrence in King David’s life, and it will most definitely put a lot of things in perspective for the single person desiring to partner in marriage. 2 Samuel 21:1 (The Message) tells us, “There was a famine in David’s time. It went on year after year after year—three years. David went to God seeking the reason. God said, “This is because there is blood on Saul and his house, from the time he massacred the Gibeonites.” With God’s Word, as you grow in the knowledge of Christ, the meaning and wisdom of scriptures deepens as well. The verse that you read four years ago has a broader and more spiritual implication for your life than it did when you first read it. This will definitely be the case with 2 Samuel 21:1. In terms of a person’s efforts toward marriage, this verse is so deep that when fully digested, it can literally blow your mind.

    David was appointed and anointed for big things. He loved the Lord, and we know from the Word that he enjoyed God’s divine favor, and had no doubt grown accustomed to it. So in his mind, the first year of this famine might have merely been chalked up to an inconvenience that was not all that unusual. Experienced farmers know that there is going to be some occasions when crops don’t produce the harvest they expect. It happens, and this might have been the reason why the first year of the famine was easily dismissed.

    They no doubt reasoned that the second year would most definitely make up for the losses in the preceding one, but this did not happen. Still, it appears that David was not so alarmed. The third year rolled around, and the famine persisted. The third strike was a wake-up call for sure, so much so that David took it upon himself to seek God for the reason behind the famine.

    One of the things that we can see from this record is how easily it can be for things to slip by us without too much notice. David was God’s man, and during these years, it’s reasonably safe to assume that he mostly went about doing all the things he usually did to maintain his relationship with Heavenly Father. Most of us take for granted that things will always be as they once have been. This is a mistake on our part.

    The climate had changed, and David didn’t even notice. It was only when things had gotten to a drastic level that David realized that something was terribly wrong. The temperature had gotten hotter, and the heat was not letting up. This caused David to question God, because he knew that they had done something to cause His covering to be removed.

    Those of us living in modern times take the exact opposite approach. We very seldom become too bothered by a change in the climate, because we’ve grown accustomed to controlling the temperature ourselves. We turn up or down the thermostat. We heat up or cool down our surroundings with a flick of a button. In other words, we make ourselves comfortable, and as long as we are, we don’t think about anything else.

    It’s not until we find ourselves without this control that we begin to think about seeking God. When the loneliness becomes severe, or we get our hearts broken by someone we loved a lot, this is when we begin thinking about sharpening up our prayer lives. Then, when the hurt and loneliness persists without an apparent reason or resolution, we become offended. “Why isn’t God answering my prayers?” we ask.

    Sometimes, we don’t ask Heavenly Father the kind of questions that speak to an attitude of reverence and gratitude. Notice the steps of David. When the problem persisted, he understood that something deviated from the state of blessedness of which he was accustomed. He questioned God with an attitude of, “It cannot be God, so it must be something we either did and shouldn’t have, OR it is something that we should have done and didn’t do.”  

    David recognized a blessing blocker, and he was willing to be accountable for it. The single person seeking the blessing of marriage must do the same. In an effort to identify the blocker, we must first comb our own actions, examine our walks with God, and scrutinize the decisions we have made. When nothing seems obvious to us, we must then ask God. And the attitude with which we ask is uber important. It should be one of earnestly desiring to know where we have erred, so that we can repent and do better.

    As it turns out, Saul, the king before David, had dishonored a covenant, and slaughtered the Gibeonites. Their blood was on the hands of God’s people because they committed these murders, and this had given the devil legal ground to bind them with scarcity. What is the enemy using against you before the throne of God?

    Heavenly Father is a Righteous Judge, and we cannot expect Him to rule in our favor when the evidence speaks to our negligence, pride, jealousy, envy, a refusal to forgive, and any other thing that is not in line with the truth about our Christ identity.

    The climate of our prayers lives and reverence of Heavenly Father is controlled by us. When there’s a famine or drought in our circumstances, it is a sure bet that we need to change the thermostat to the temperature that Jesus Christ controls. It’s time to heat things up in our prayers lives and get brutally honest about the things we’re doing that give the enemy more ammunition against us. God’s heart is always to bless and protect, but we may be blocking our blessings. The right question is to ask Heavenly Father what the blocker is, and a need to truly repent in some area of our lives will almost always be the right answer. ■

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

  • Instant Love

    Instant Love

    “Can’t tell yawl young folks nothing – think you know everything!” If I had a dollar for every time my siblings, cousins, and I heard my grandmother and aunts make this statement when I was growing up, I’d probably have a few extra thousand to spare. Now that I’m a mother, I find myself saying the exact same thing to the young folks in my family.

    The Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13:11 (NLT), “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”  As adults, we should have learned, some of us through hard knocks, that the results will be disappointing when we do things quickly without minding the details and taking the time to do it right. This was the thing that roused my grandmother and aunts more than anything else. They didn’t like the way we rushed through things without being detailed, just so we could do them as quickly as possible.

    Those of us that have made costly mistakes by neglecting this very basic and pivotal lesson of taking our time to do things right, become frustrated when we see our youngsters neglecting it as well. It’s equally as frustrating to see adults still taking this childish approach to life. The Word teaches us that when we grow up, we should put away childish things. Some of us took this lesson to heart, but if your experience is anything like mine, you’ve seen plenty of full-grown folks kick this one to the curb. You’d think they didn’t learn a thing about patience and discipline growing up.

    There’s a saying that conveys the notion that success is built from the bottom up, not the top down. This indicates that a person has to do some grunt work at the bottom in terms of putting tools and resources together, and then systematically organizing the work that needs to be done. After this, the hands on part of construction can begin. The person can then build layer after layer; elevating themselves higher in the process. As a single person desiring to be married, this is a very good analogy of what is required on our parts.

    In the day and time in which we now live, the word “instant” is a surefire enticement. We want things now and not later. The problem with this is that God doesn’t respond to our needs just because we see them as being quick, fast, and in a hurry. One of the reasons why tribulations hit us so hard is because we don’t want to allow for the element of time to bring wisdom and healing. We expect for hurt and pain to dissipate almost immediately, even if we’ve had a hand in creating or causing it for others.

    The capacity to love is something that has to be built and cultivated. When it comes to worship and praise, we are incapable of presenting God with something acceptable without the indwelling Holy Spirit’s help. He, the Spirit, extends to us the capacity to go deep in our souls and produce something of genuine repentant and holy quality. He helps us to have an Abel offering of love, rather than a Cain one.

    In 1Corinthians 13:10 (KJV), God tells us, “But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.” The notion of instant love can be very alluring, but it represents something that is in part. Like everything else that is in part, it will fall by the wayside in order to make way for the real deal, which is the love of Christ. This is the kind of love that God wants us to build in our hearts.

    You see, God is teaching us about Himself. He’s an all-powerful, all-knowing, loving Father. Nothing He does is half-way. He gave us the best. We’re to be like Him; therefore, you and I have no other choice but to be extremely interested in giving the best as well. This means that we have to get our hearts and minds to a point where we’re truly comprehending God’s love, so we can in turn funnel it through to others.

    When we’re not as well formed in spiritual maturity as we should be, we will want instant love as quickly as we can have it. We want food quick, we want to get to our destinations quick, we want forgiveness quick…it goes on and on. When this is our attitude, it’s difficult to make wise decisions. Proverbs 12:15 (NLT) warns, “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” The consequences of making quick decisions about love are very costly. Heavenly Father wants us to meet the love of our lives, but we’ve got to do things His way. We must be patient with ourselves as God builds the capacity for long, lasting love in our hearts.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by Permission of Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide.

     “Instant Love” written for FindingChristianMan.Com ©2016.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.

  • The Pruning Process

    The Pruning Process

    In John 15:1,2 (NLT), during the time that many biblical scholars believe was at the close of the last supper, Jesus Christ taught the disciples one of the most prolific lessons of living a spiritual life. He said, “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.” Before we can truly understand the meaning of this verse, we need to know a little bit about exactly what pruning entails. Pruning is a practice that involves removing selective parts of a plant or tree, such as its branches, buds, or roots. This is necessary to improve and maintain the overall health of the plant or tree. Pruning is very often targeted towards branches that are diseased, damaged, or non-productive, because these diseased, damaged, or non-productive branches are a hindrance to the entire tree. They keep the tree or plant from functioning in a way that yields continuous beauty, growth, and fruit.  There are a variety of different pruning techniques, but when it comes to the Master Gardener, our Heavenly Father, we don’t need to worry about the techniques; all we need to know is that we’re being pruned for a purpose.

    John 15:3-4 (NLT) says, “You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” Jesus Christ told the disciples that they had already gone through the pruning process. They were purified by the message he had given them. In this verse, we can see that he had given them very simple instructions that was instrumental to maintaining their pruned and purified status. He said “Remain in me.” This command suggests to us that the disciples had a choice. They could remain in Christ by following his example and ministry, or they could do the exact opposite. In other words, whether or not the disciples remained in Christ was dependent on their own volitional choice.

    For the disciples, and for us as well, the benefit to remaining in Christ is beyond extraordinary! He said “Remain in me, and I’ll remain in you.” Do you see that?!!! You don’t get any better than this. Christ gave us a guarantee here. “There is no way that I’ll leave you alone.” he said. “There is no way that I’ll leave you to fend for yourself in this cold, dark world. No. I’m gonna be with you every step of the way; I’ll remain in you.” He tells us, but he then also warns us to be careful, because “A branch cannot produce fruit if it is cut-off from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

    Jesus Christ is talking directly to the believers in this passage. He’s letting us know that he’s the vine, and that you and I can do things that will cause us to be cut-off from him if we’re not careful. It’s quite simple really. A person should be able to look at a Christian’s life and see the disciplines and rewards of Christianity. We look to see in them the deposition, attitude, and behavior of someone who models Christ. As for our beloved Savior’s part, he will never cut himself off from us, but that isn’t the case with many of us who are born again and living today. Sometimes we indulge in unfruitfulness. We commit actions and make choices that do not match the magnitude of our spiritual reality in Christ. This is how we cut ourselves off from him.

    Fruit is designed to honor God. He doesn’t bother with plants that refuse to produce, but for those of us who intend to honor God, the pruning process is inescapable and unavoidable; thank the Lord for it.  John 15 tells us that God prunes the branches that DO bear fruit, so that they will produce even more. So producing fruit the first time was a great blessing, but being pruned to produce even more fruit is a pressed down, running over the top blessing. So we should do everything we can to cooperate with Heavenly Father as He prunes us for His glory, and for ours.

    Many Christians are as miserable as can be, and it’s because they’re walking around dragging diseased, damaged, or non-productive branches that God pruned a long time ago. These Christians are unfruitful because they won’t recognize God’s pruning expertise. Those branches should have fallen off by now, but we’ve hot glued ‘em, taped them, and tried some of everything else we can find to keep those dead branches attached to our lives.

    1Corinthians 6:18 says, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” There are many Christians who, even after committing themselves to be their best for God, are still indulging sexual sin. We know better, but we’ve grown comfortable with business as usual. This is a dead branch.

    Anything that does not grow will die, and everything that wishes to sustain life will seek to grow. Simply put, in order for life to continue, growth is inevitable. A person who no longer wishes to thrive by reaching out to others with the love of God, and growing in His grace every day, is a person who has branches that need to be removed. God is not slack. He knows exactly what needs to be pruned in our lives. He knows exactly how to remove the dead branches, but we have to be a willing vessel in order for the pruning process to be complete. Again, for many of us Heavenly Father has pruned those dead branches, but He will not remove them from our lives if we refuse to let them go.

    The people…the situations…the consequences we encounter are not the dead branches. They are the mirrors that reflect and reveal the things that we have refused to let go. God is pruning you to receive all the wonderful blessings He has in store for you. So don’t ever work against the pruning process of our Heavenly Father. Realize that sinful attitudes and actions keep you from the blessing of marriage, but as soon as you release them, God can move you closer to the blessings you truly desire. ■

     

  • God Gave Him to Me – Part 2

    God Gave Him to Me – Part 2

    Our attitude must be like the psalmist in Psalms 56:4 (NLT) “I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” God wants us to have the best, and we can’t be afraid to relinquish that which is no longer useful to our journeys in order to make room for something that is much better for us. He said in Psalms 91:14 “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.”

    Fear cripples our efforts to move forward, because it displays a lack of trust in Heavenly Father. We have to understand how incredibly serious and meaningful this walk in Christ is. Every decision we make is spiritual and will impact our relationship with God in some way, so it behooves us to be doubly sure that we are doing those things that bring us closer to Him. He rescues those who love Him, and protects those who trust in Him, but trust we must.

    Patricia was a Christian woman, but even if it was on a subconscious level, she believed that her relationship with God had its place, and this place was separate from her love life. On one hand was the church Patricia, and on the other hand she was the ‘Patricia’ that she presented to the world. She had never reconciled the two. It was a duality that seemingly allowed her to keep each foot wedged in the door of both worlds—a life that indulged the pleasures of the flesh while at the same time looking the part of a spiritually together sister when necessary.

    Jesus Christ warned the disciples in Matthew 6:24(NLT) “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other.” The truth of what Jesus Christ is saying is that life does not tolerate duality. God’s laws are etched in stone. He does not change and neither does His immutable laws. We can try and bend them if we choose, but it will most assuredly be a futile exercise. You and I have to make choices that clearly signify that we choose God, over and over again, without hesitation—without reservation—without deviation.

    Heavenly Father created the universe to reward only those decisions and choices that are made with this kind of conviction, because this is the only way that proves that you truly have His love anchored in your heart. Only God knows if you, as a single Christian, have gotten to this place in your walk with Him, but if you haven’t, you should know that this is what He expects, and He will continue to help you get there. Jesus Christ went on to tell us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God first in all things. Patricia didn’t do that, but at any point she can turn things around. She can muster the courage to turn Jason loose and let him be free to walk his own path—one that doesn’t include her. She can begin to trust God explicitly by understanding that she truly does deserve a man who loves her the way that Christ loves the church, and that putting God first is the only way to guarantee that she can love this man that same way too.●

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.