Category: Preparation for Marriage

A virtuous woman is a woman of great moral character. She has integrity, and her love for God through the Lord Jesus Christ is always apparent, and it is reflected in the decisions and choices she makes every day. Proverbs 31:10 (KJV) is probably the most well-known scripture regarding a virtuous woman. In this verse, King Lemuel asked, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Now, if you gathered a number of Christian women together in one place and asked those who considered themselves virtuous to raise their hands, I think it’s a pretty good bet to say that most of them would have one hand in the air. We must keep in mind that this scripture stands out in our minds because it conveys that a virtuous woman is not so easy to find. In fact, in our day and time, it is increasingly challenging to find such a woman. This is one of the reasons why God is calling on Christian women everywhere to raise up our standards.

No one can argue against the fact that we’ve allowed the standard that God brings forth in Proverbs 31 to fall. We’re hearing a lot about valuing ourselves. It includes a commitment to not be tricked into lowering our standards when it comes to the men we date. This is a good thing, but we can never escape or neglect the responsibility and accountability that is baked into the premise of expecting the best. If you expect the best, you’ve got to present the best; and presenting the best has nothing to do with the externalities of designer threads and kicks.

Expecting a man to bring his “A” game, when your game isn’t tight will translate to the definition of insanity. It’s not realistic—doesn’t make sense. It isn’t possible to live, dress, act, and behave like the majority of other women and then expect that we’re this rare-as-rubies kind of special that draws an extraordinary brother in. That’s not going to work, and the Father has made no bones about it. There must be a Christ-kind of integrity that flows through our everyday presentation. It’s not spoken, but communicated by the heart we have for God. The more committed you are to His standard, the greater impression it makes and the stronger it’s reach will be to the man that is ordained to be your husband.

There are certain characteristics that men have by nature. God created them to operate a certain kind of way, and nothing that a woman can do will change this. It rings true for women as well. There are things that we come equipped with. Our flawed thinking, feeling, and acting has crossed wires incorrectly and interfered with the way God designed unity and attraction factors to work, and this is why we are witnessing what seems at times to be an epidemic of singledom. God wants us to know that it isn’t a problem without a fix.

A fierce woman is a noble one. She has cultivated within herself honorable personal qualities of high moral principles and ideals. She may not be perfect, but her number one priority is to please God and her every intention is to walk by the example of Christ. If we didn’t have this capacity baked in our makeup as Daughters of Zion, then God wouldn’t have instructed men to look for it. He instructed men to seek this kind of woman because He’s made it available through the Lord Jesus Christ for us to BE this kind of woman.

There’s a saying that tells us when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Said another way, when the woman is ready, the man shows up. It works every time. We doubt this because many of us are not committed to the work that we must do to get our souls right with Jesus. We’re not letting the Spirit work in us the way he desires. It must be settled in our minds that a person cannot profit from zero effort. Life doesn’t operate that way. Where there is little effort, there is little profit.

When a ruby rock is cut, it is polished to the point that the star within it shines through. We don’t have to be perfect to partner, but there must be an understanding on our parts that the ruby within needs refinement, so that the light of Christ shines brighter in our lives. His example is the solution for not being single longer than we’d like to.

Jesus Christ said in John 14:12 (NLT), “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.” Through him, we’ve been uniquely qualified to love, care, share, support, nurture, calm, sooth, and minister in a way that activates unity in our relationships. We’ve all seen this with the virtuous women we’ve been privilege to have in our lives. We’ve received more than many of them could have hoped to, and our standard of Godliness must be greater and shine brighter, as we strive to be the virtuous women Heavenly Father has called us to be.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Are You Expecting Him to Bring His “A” Game?”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Moses taught the Children of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:3-4 (NLT), “3 Listen closely, Israel, and be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you. 4 “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”  This is God’s commandment, and it has not changed. Heavenly Father tells us in Numbers 23:19 that He does not change His mind, His nature, or the way that He operates. At times, we make the mistake of allowing this truth to slip to the back of our minds.

God is a sure thing. His Word is unbreakable and unshakeable. He is faithful to it beyond our comprehension. So when He tells us to do something, or that something is required of us in order to sustain and maintain our relationship with Him, then our complete allegiance is necessary. In the Old Testament, Moses made it clear that the way we’re supposed to love God is the highest and greatest degree achievable; it is total, and it requires our whole being. In Matthew 22:37 (NLT), when Jesus Christ was asked what is the greatest commandment, he reiterated God’s commandment and replied, “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.”

With all that we are, we are to love God. Lip service is not going to cut it. There must be an acute flavor of goodness that wreaks of His love in everything that we do and touch. God’s love transforms darkness to light and brings harmony, and we are the royal ambassadors of it. This level of living is not a fantasy; it is our reality as God’s divine offspring. We are supernaturally endowed with power on high to live and influence this way. Our only responsibility is to trust that we can do it through Christ.

Our souls belong to God, but when we become born again, our souls are not made whole. We often confuse these three and think they are the same, but the Holy Spirit, the human spirit, and the human soul are all very different. They are not the same. The Holy Spirit is a part of the Godhead, and God gives him to us as a gift to lead, guide, teach, comfort, and direct us as we navigate the earth’s terrain and train to become like Christ. We are made in the image of the Godhead, and are therefore three-part beings; spirit, soul, and body. Because of the work of Christ on the Cross of Calvary, we become a completely new creation. This is because our human spirits, which were dead to God before we accepted Jesus Christ as Lord, are recreated through Christ. Becoming born-again means that our human-spirits become alive to God.

God created humanity and all other living creatures in such a way that seed produces after its own kind. This seed is given through the father parent, and not the mother. In order for a human to be reproduced, the seed of a biological father is required. God set this pattern, and He is faithful to it. So it stands to reason that in order for us to be His spiritual and eternal children, we have to have His seed. His seed is higher than the physical, corruptible seed. His seed is spiritual, and it cannot be destroyed.

1Peter 1:23 (NLT) tells us, “For you have been born again, but not to a life that will quickly end. Your new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God.”  Through the Holy Spirit that indwells us, we have God’s seed. He, the gift of Holy Spirit, lives inside our human spirit. Because of Christ, our newly recreated human spirit is a clean place for the Spirit to hang out, but the soul is another story. The soul is transformed as we put on the Word of God in our hearts and minds. And the degree to which we put on the Word and WALK in it proves the depth of our obedience and allegiance to God. Our soul work testifies of our love for Him. So the degree to which we put off sin and put on the love of Christ proves our love for Heavenly Father.

God will not do this work for us, because He will never violate our free-will. He has told us in Ephesians 4:24 and Colossians 3:10 to put on the new man. This means we are to make sure the old man ways vacate the premises. These old ways are those mean and nasty attitudes, negative thoughts and behaviors, and bad judgment we had before we accepted Christ. They’ve gotta go so we can walk in the newness Christ offers, and put on his love in our minds and hearts. Again, God wants all of us. He tells us in Romans 12:1 that our whole being is to be presented as a living sacrifice to Him, but a lot of us sisters are holding the most private part of ourselves back, and we’re trying to be undercover about it.

Some of us are involved in a kind of undercover action, and we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking God neglects, overlooks, or doesn’t see it. It’s this covert business of sexual promiscuity, where some sisters are robbing God of the love He deserves from the depths of their souls. Some of the sisters that we’ve counseled in this area are hardened in their resolve to continue to sex outside of the union of marriage, and they have not seen this as a violation of God’s commandment to love Him with their souls, but indeed it is.

In Romans 6:6, God tells us not to serve sin. In 1Corinthians 6:18 (NLT), He tells us “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” You want the kind of man that will deserve a woman who does not have a fragmented soul, a soul that is cut off and chipped away because of multiple sexual partners. We lovingly beg you sisters, let the Lord into your heart in every way. Give Him the time and space to heal your soul by abstaining from sexual sin. Let God love you to life, and don’t continue to fall for the enemy’s plot to trick you to death. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Undercover Love”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Puzzles are a very enjoyable hobby for some people. They love the idea of examining all facets of the missing parts, and then looking in a box filled with several pieces for the one piece that will fit. Sounds a bit like being single doesn’t it? Except finding the right person can be much more challenging. Those of us desiring marriage are looking for the person who will fit into our lives snuggly and comfortably; we wish it were as easy as picking a puzzle piece out of a box, but if it was that easy, we might not be as thankful to God as we should be for the gift of a spouse, and it’s also possible that we wouldn’t appreciate the person that we’ll ultimately marry nearly as much as we should.

With each intellectual and technological advance, life seems to become more complex. People are more complicated, and yes, there are layers that we have to go through to find out if the person is a compatible mate. After looking under a few layers of a new person we’ve met, sometimes it is overwhelmingly apparent that they’re not a good fit. Other times, we surmise that he has qualities we think we can work with. So, the puzzle piece isn’t perfectly aligned, but close enough we think. When it turns out that even this was a bust, and our willingness to make it work with someone that wasn’t quite the right fit backfires, the thought of going back to the box can be exhausting.

As a single sister in the Lord, you want to get to a point where you’re not exhausting your emotional energy in a relationship that God has not put His stamp on. Never forget that Jesus Christ knows where you’re supposed to be, when you’re supposed to be there, and how to get you there. Heavenly Father knows the person that is going to help you to be your best self in Christ. He is more concerned about you marrying the right person than you are. When God is in the mix, there’s no half-stepping—no second best—it’s the absolute best for the level of spiritual maturity we’ve obtained in Christ and for the call that God has placed upon our lives.

We have been very sketchy when it comes to this. We’ve doubted God’s attentiveness to detail when it comes to finding the right fit. This is why we sometimes end up in a world of emotional pain. We do the choosing and then expect God to cosign. This approach will almost always leave us at a disadvantage.

A better way is to give yourself the time and space to press into the Holy Spirit for leadership and guidance. There are things about yourself that you simply do not know, but God knows. He knows your future, past, and present. He knows exactly what will be a perfect fit for your life. You may have preconceived notions about what you must receive from a partner in order to feel that he’s the one. You may think you can determine what fits and what doesn’t, and this can be an issue for many of us, because only God knows best.

God requires us to have a certain amount of flexibility, and many of us haven’t cultivated it to the point of yielding and surrendering our desires fully to Him. You must consider that God may want you to become a different kind of person in certain areas of your life before you partner. You may need to alter your puzzle a bit, so that your future spouse will be a piece that fits. If this is the case, God will not keep you in the dark. He’ll tell you exactly what you need to know if you are willing to accept the truth, and if you are willing to allow Him to guide you in your quest.

Take a look back over the pieces that didn’t fit, the relationships that didn’t quite make it. Write a few questions down in your journal, and make the answers about you and not about the other person. Be extremely honest and ask yourself:

1. What impression did I leave on the person regarding God’s love?
2. What are the areas of the relationship where I could have done better?
3. In what ways did I demonstrate my gratitude to God for having the person in my life?
4. In what ways did I demonstrate my gratitude to the new person for being in my life?
5. Did I compromise the integrity of my temple, if so, why?
6. Did I deal with things I didn’t like about the other person in a Godly way? If not, why?
7. Was I able to balance my responsibility to the faith with the demands of a relationship? If not, what could I have done differently?

Sometimes, it is challenging for us to get out of our own way when it comes to our desires to partner. God wants to help us put Jesus Christ in the leading role, so that we are following His perfect plan. As you ask yourself the questions above, and answer them, be sure to also ask the Father to reveal the area that is hindering your faith the most. He’ll answer you through the indwelling Holy Spirit, and help you prepare for the person who truly is the right fit. ■

“The Right Fit”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirement of God’s law.”
Romans 13:10 (NLT)

No matter who you are or where you are in this world, the one thing that brings all people together is the love of God in Christ. This is the kind of love that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ has demonstrated for us, his brothers and sisters. It allows us to make universal actions and expressions of God’s goodness. Heavenly Father is so pleased when we continue the legacy of the love of Christ, and heaven rejoices when we honor Him by being a blessing to others, and revealing this love to them. A lot of us miss these opportunities, because we feel that we don’t have anything to give, but this simply is not true.

In 1Peter 4:10-11 (NLT), God tells us, “10 God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. 11 Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.” God’s Word is true! He has told us that we each have a special and unique gift, so we can rest assured that we’ve been blessed with a gift that we can use to be a blessing to the Body of Christ.

There are many ways that we can impact the lives of others. These are not always big things. They are often small ways in which we can fill in the gaps and make people’s lives better. With everything that is going on in our world, many are feeling sad, disappointed, and alienated. We have neighbors, co-workers, and people in our faith communities that are feeling this way, and we don’t even know it. They are longing for a demonstration of God’s love, even though they may not articulate it. We don’t always have to spend money or inconvenience ourselves significantly in order to be a blessing. A smile or a morning greeting is sometimes all it takes.

God encourages us to begin to operate in our gifts. Even if we are not sure what they are, we should have an intention to show forth His love in some way. Many of us get up each morning to go to work, and we are not sure what each workday might bring. We have been trained to do certain things, but there are other duties that we perform and we haven’t had any training. We just do what has to be done, and we have confidence that we are up for the task. We can’t let it be said that we will do less when it comes to the things of God. We may not know from one day to the next how we are to use our gifts or who might be the recipient of them, but we don’t have to know it. This is the beauty of walking in the Spirit. The indwelling Holy Spirit will guide us to accomplish exactly what God desires us to do each day.

God’s love is everlasting. He just keeps flooding our lives with it every day. As we give it out, He pours more into us. A refusal to give out in a Godly way will block our blessings, because a refusal to give love blocks the flow of God’s love through us.

We must understand that one of the highest expressions of God’s love is to show it to others. Jesus Christ has placed the responsibility of the ministry of reconciliation in our hands for this reason. We can dot all the ‘I’s and cross all the ‘t’s through love, because God tells us in Romans 13:10 that love fulfills the requirement of His statues, commandments, and laws. If we will simply begin to listen to the Spirit and move by his promptings, we will fulfill the requirement and grow in God’s love. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Love Fulfills the Requirement”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Sisters, I know that I can lean on your support and that you’ll give me a pass for venting a little bit. I don’t know if I can take hearing one more Sister in Christ complain that there are no more good men out there. Some of us are actually saying things like, “We might as well get used to being alone, because marriage is not going to happen.”  I’m like, “Really!!! Is this all the faith that you can muster regarding God’s goodness? Are you really going to let words like this come out of your mouth?”

It’s not as if these daughters don’t know the Word of God; they do. Many of them have been on the Christian journey longer than I have. I get it! They’ve done the daggone thang’ in terms of their careers and jobs. They’re on the grind daily, taking care of their children and holding it down as the head of their households. Some of them are divorced, and others have never been married. They are dependable, hardworking, and they would say that they’re dedicated to the faith, yet when it comes to the subject of marriage, the script flips.

Let it not be said that we don’t know how to back our faith with good works, because we’re proving it in so many other areas of our lives, but when it comes to relationships with men, and the subject of marriage, we don’t seem to be gaining speed. It appears as if this most precious and privileged blessing is getting away from us, and there has to be a reason for it. I personally believe the problem is doubt. It’s the monkey wrench that keeps us from reaping the benefits of God’s harvest.

Jesus Christ was talking with the disciples one day, and he told them that he wouldn’t be with them long. He told them not to worry about this, because they knew the way. He said in John 14:4 (NLT), “And you know the way to where I am going.”

Thomas was a disciple with distinction, and it was not the most flattering kind. He was known for having a doubting heart and mind. This means that Thomas had trouble with walking by faith and not by sight. He relied on his five-sense-knowledge very heavily. In other words, he had trained his mind and heart to believe only in things he could see, taste, touch, hear, and smell; and if he couldn’t experience it in the flesh through the five senses, he would be extremely skeptical and wouldn’t trust it.

Like many of us, the flesh created a barrier around Thomas, and at times he would refuse to stretch beyond it. His imagination was stunted, because he didn’t use it very much. Christian folks shouldn’t have these limitations, especially when it comes to an area of life that is as important to God as marriage.

When we pray and ask God for something, He has instructed us to believe to receive it. This is the attitude we’re commanded to have. An attitude of ‘maybe’ isn’t appropriate; it’s not what the Father deserves. Even if we’re inclined to be negative, we should believe God with full persuasion on the basis of His goodness alone.

We cannot let doubt win and rob us of our futures. Through Jesus Christ we have a sure thing! In John 14:6 (NLT), he said to Thomas and the other disciples, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.”  They had been with Jesus throughout his ministry. They should have known this truth, and they should have known the higher calling they had all received to walk in faith. We should know it as well.

He is the way. All of our methodologies, philosophies, predictions, and dating tricks and treats can’t hold a candle to the way of love, truth, and light that he has made available to us. Getting married isn’t about fairytales or receiving something we think we deserve. It’s a commitment to love through Christ, and assume the responsibility for another person’s life and heart. When our faith is fueled by this commitment to God, and is less about flesh, the light of Christ will shine forth and beautifully unveil our spouses.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Unveiling Of Your Spouse”, written for FindingAChristianMan.Com©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Before his Road to Damascus experience, the Apostle Paul had what the world would probably refer to today as an impressive resume. He had received the best education, was very zealous for knowledge and the law, and he traveled in the circles of those in the upper echelon of Jewish society. One day, when he was on his way to Damascus on an assignment to persecute Christians, he was completely transformed through an experience with Jesus Christ. Up until that point, Paul despised those who followed Christ, and wanted to place them in prison, but after he was converted, he did a complete turnaround and wanted desperately to win souls for Christ. Even though he changed dramatically, there were still some weaknesses lurking about. This is true for all of us, and we can learn from the Apostle Paul about how to turn these weaknesses into strengths that give God glory.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7 (NLT), the Apostle Paul said, “So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.” We know from this verse right off the bat that Paul could have been tempted by something that would have caused great damage to his effectiveness in Christ. It was pride. Many people look at pride as a strength, but we know from God’s Word that He hates a prideful spirit. This isn’t the kind of pride that we feel when our children succeed. The pride that God hates and that can get us into deep spiritual trouble is arrogance. It is an exaggerated sense of self-importance, or thinking more of ourselves than we should.

Paul’s life before his conversion was saturated with arrogance, and after he was saved, the spirit of arrogance was always lurking about trying to find a way back in. Many people believe that it was the Lord God Almighty who sent Paul’s thorn in the flesh, but the truth is that Paul’s propensity towards arrogance was the welcome mat that the devil used to walk in and buffet Paul with this thorn. This gives us some inkling about how harmful pride and arrogance can be to our Christian walks. Pride is a blocker. It blocks our blessings, because it keeps us from walking with humility; and humility is the thing that makes us flexible to the Will of God.

In 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 (NLT), Paul said, “8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” Many of us struggle with seeing God as an awesomely loving and patient Heavenly Father. We can’t get rid of this image in the back of our minds of a God that punishes and causes suffering. So, when we see that Paul begged God to take away this thorn in the flesh, we look at God’s response and think He’s telling Paul that he has to keep dealing with this thorn without relief. That’s not it at all. God gave Paul a strategy in verse 9 for dealing with the problem. He wasn’t saying that He wouldn’t come to Paul’s aid; He was telling Paul how to put the devil under his feet. God told Paul, “Use my grace, son. That’s what’s going to give you the victory in this situation. That’s the power that is going to turn your weakness into your strength. My grace is all you need!”

The word weak is defined as the lack of power or physical strength. It is being close to a breaking point or giving way under pressure. This is the condition many Christians find themselves in when they succumb to the pressures of life, especially when their lack of faith in God gives way to sinful behavior.  I’ve heard many of my single Christian friends speak of how much they regret actions they’ve taken because they lacked patience as it relates to dating.

They start out with a healthy appetite for doing everything God’s way in the beginning of their relationship with someone new, but by the third or fourth month of dating, their self-control goes straight out of the window.

The Apostle Paul was able to boast in his weakness because those were the times when he stopped leaning on his flesh and began to lean on God’s grace. Where Paul’s strength failed, the power of the Holy Spirit surpassed and succeeded; and God was glorified. Paul was going through some horrible times and he had many enemies, so much so, that he prayed often for God to remove the “thorns in his flesh”, but God knew that Paul needed to lean on Him, and not be so concerned about the people that wanted to see him suffer.

When we don’t trust God through our tough times, our lack of faith provides the opening the enemy is looking for. We need to know that through Christ we can flip our weaknesses into an incredible opportunity to see God working through us. Paul understood this, and this is why he said, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”  Always remember that God knows full well what we’re made of. He knows our weak points, but He also knows that in the face of weakness, we can go within to the Spirit that indwells us, and he will do the miraculous through God’s grace. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“With God’s Blessing, Go Ahead and Marry”, written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2017.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!