Find A Christian Man

Tag: Spiritually preparing for marriage

  • Turn from Your Past and Usher in A New Joy!

    The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14(NLT), “13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” As workman of the scriptures, we are often warned to be sure to put verses of scripture in their proper context. It is helpful to know who the Lord has inspired the writer to write to, and why. Sometimes it is doctrinal, and other times it is rebuke and correction. Philippians 3:13-14 is a passage that is so timeless and far reaching in its encouragement that any context would be too small a box to contain it.

    From what we know about Paul, he laid it all out there for us. He talked about the challenges of being a Christian in such blatant terms, and he was so honest about the struggles of the flesh. He wanted to please God with all his heart, but he was at times bombarded with so many obstacles. This is always an area that really tugs at my heart, because I know what it feels like to take one step forward, only to be knocked two steps back. It can really do a number on you, especially when you don’t understand what’s happening and why. This is one of the reasons that I endeavor to encourage sisters in the Lord that might be going through some of the tribulations that I have experienced in life. I believe it is my calling to help educate, uplift, and encourage, because I know God will deliver us from all affliction. We just need to have faith.

    We must bear in mind that pain will thrive and increase in an environment that is void of faith; because sometimes, we are so distracted by what is happening in our lives that we forget about our faith and forfeit the hope it brings. The enemy sniffs out this waning, and then bombards us with one thing after the other, so that our senses are overwhelmed. We’re so busy trying to put the pieces back together that we wake up one day and find we have been overwhelmed to the point of numbness. We become numb to the Word of God, and we start to believe that our only recourse is to continue shutting down.

    If you’ve ever been abused emotionally, physically or mentally, this feeling of being numb seems very natural. We retreat to familiar patterns when anything like devastation or disappointment come into play, and we will often switch off emotions like hope, joy, and faith for fear that they will let us down. We feel like punching bags, and many of us are emotionally exhausted from the fight.

    The Apostle Paul’s Road to Damascus experience was a shock to his total being. If any of us had been in his shoes, we may not have survived it. As he recovered and pursued the work of Jesus Christ vigorously, he faced some pretty tough opposition and circumstances—some of which you and I can’t really imagine. He wasn’t a super human. He didn’t have super hero powers. He was just a man that knew in his heart that Jesus Christ is real.

    Again, he talked about the struggle of bringing his mind under the authority of Christ amid the danger and chaos he faced. He was a man that had committed unthinkable cruelty against the followers of Christ, but then he was converted; he became a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ! Can you imagine the emotional heaviness he must have felt when thinking about how cruel he had once been to Christians? He could have chosen to be numb, so that he wouldn’t think about it or feel those feelings. This is why the passage in Philippians 3:13-14 is so precious, because Paul admitted that he wasn’t where he knew he should be, but he was determined that his past was not going to keep him from running the race and receiving the prize. This has to be our stance as well.

    Paul encouraged us in love to never get tired of living for Christ. The enemy will try and use the complexities of our pasts to exhaust us, to paralyze us in hopelessness and fear. This can make a person want to remain in a cocoon, but God’s love will cast out this kind of fear if we let it. No matter how down we are, no matter what has happened in our lives; no matter what pains we are carrying in our souls, we can look to God and know that the Holy Spirit is within us working to will and do of God’s good pleasure.

    Our walks in Christ are being perfected. This means that we turn our focus away from the past, just like Paul did. We should hold on to God with both hands, trusting that His work within us will be a good one. We can release those emotions that are holding us back, grab on to the hope of Christ, and usher in a new joy in our lives. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Turn from Your Past and Usher in A New Joy!”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal

    God doesn’t cause the problems that tear relationships apart. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us that He is not the author of confusion, but of peace. He wants us to be happy in our relationships, and this is why He has set His very own standard for the way we should care for and support one another in a marriage. In His Word, Heavenly Father tells us that the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the woman should honor her husband out of her love for Christ. This is God’s standard. It guarantees to preserve a marriage through any challenges. So, neither God or His Word has failed us in any respect, but all of us must admit that we don’t always hold to His standard of love in our marriages and relationships. For this, we need to seek God’s forgiveness.

    God’s heart is not for us to wallow in self-condemnation. We ask for forgiveness because it demonstrates our humility and desire to put God first; and to recognize that His Word cannot fail. Forgiveness puts us in right standing, and it opens us to receive more of God’s instruction in righteousness as we are spiritually strengthen through His love.

    The standard of love that God has set is personified in Christ. We are the bride of Christ, and he is our bridegroom. He loves us so much, and his passion is to care for us and support us in every way. We make mistakes and we get hurt, but even in the middle of our disappointment, we must remember that we are the light of Christ. The pain we may experience feels very dark and heavy, but we will overcome it through the power of the Holy Spirit that indwells us.

    A woman said to me that when first dating her husband, something on the inside of her felt wrong every time they met, but he treated her so well. She fell in love with him a few years ago, and they were married. He has betrayed the marriage through infidelity, and she feels that she is now experiencing such loss because she ignored her instincts. The truth is that most of us are willing to take such risks on love because deep down we know that when love is right it’s totally worth it. We shouldn’t condemn ourselves for taking the leap. We should, however, put ourselves in the arms of the Father and ask Him to teach us how to better guard our hearts, so that we’re in a prime position to both give and receive love His way.

    If you have been betrayed by your husband or the person you love, know that you are more than a conqueror through Christ. You will overcome through his strength. We know that we will experience tribulations in life, but God has told us to persist and endure through them. We might get knocked down, but we get back up. God is developing in each of us a posture that helps us run this race with endurance, always looking ahead to victory in Christ and never looking back; no matter how bad or hurtful things may appear. Our hope, our confidence, must always be in Christ.

    The bottom line is that in whatever form it is that we are broken, and no matter how it is that we have come to be that way, God will heal us. We will breakthrough our storms, tribulations, and wilderness experiences through Christ, our Lord. And one day, we will come to see that God’s deliverance has given us greater authority in Christ, and through it we will help someone else come into healing, just as we have.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal”, written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Small Things Matter

    As we mature in Christ, we will notice certain correlations or parallels in our journeys forward. One of those involves our level of fulfillment and satisfaction in life. It will match our confidence level regarding our own ability to impact the Kingdom of God. 1Peter 4:10-11 (NLT) tells us, “10 God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. 11 Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever!” Some of us feel a little insecure in this area, and we really do need to get this one under our belts before we embark upon marriage.

    A good place to start is to think about what you feel are your best qualities. Consider what makes you unique and special. The qualities that you are willing to cosign on your own behalf are also ones that will lead you down a more purpose-driven path. We will often make things more complicated than they need to be. Jesus Christ told us in Matthew 11:30 that his yoke is easy and his burden is light, but we still make the reality of walking in our purposes such a difficult thing. God never intended it to be.

    Romans 12:6 (NLT) tells us, “In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.” God created us, and predestined us according to the purposes of His own Will. He’s not slack in any way, and never misses a beat, so we can have confidence that we are uniquely specialized to carry forth something He has ordained. He made sure that we were born with everything we need to be a blessing and to influence and impact those we know and love for His Kingdom.

    A while ago, when my schedule was a little lighter, I’d stay up late watching cooking shows on TV.  Featured desserts were my favorite. I grew up around women that could sho’nuff burn in the kitchen. They didn’t need recipes. A pinch here, a sprinkle there; a cup of this, a teaspoon of that, and a masterpiece of southern cuisine was born. I never thought much about baking then, I was too busy enjoying the fruit of my kinfolk’s labor. My aunt’s pound cake would literally melt in your mouth, and I just always assumed the skill was beyond me, but one day something happened. My interest in those television shows had caught me by surprise, and I decided to give baking a try. Homemade Chocolate Chip cookies, Caramel Cake from scratch, you name it, I tried it.

    At first, my sweets were not such a treat, but after a while, I got the hang of it. “You put ya’ foot in this, girl!”  My family and friends often say after eating my homespun yummies from scratch. I’ll go through periods where I don’t bake, but something within me will say, “It’s time to get to it again.” The habit pattern of baking is now ingrained in my life because I’ve chosen to give in this way. Single or married, I’m committed to do it because it is one of the ways I endeavor to be a blessing. At one time I thought, “Father, being a blessing can’t be as simple as giving folks desserts.” But indeed it is. The Spirit reminds me constantly that I should never overlook the small or simple things, because they mean so much to others.

    Heaven rejoices when we honor God with actions to be a blessing. When we do things well and use whatever we’ve been given to bless folks, God receives the praise. This is why we can never hide what He has given us. A hunch or a casual interest can be expanded to an extremely important opportunity that positions us to live greater for God. So build your confidence in your gifts, talents, and abilities; use them for God’s glory, and watch how He causes them to greatly increase your fulfillment and satisfaction in life!

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Small Things Matter!” written for findchristianman.com/blog/©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Don’t You See It?

    Don’t You See It?

    Isaiah 43:15-19(NLT)
    15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, Israel’s Creator and King. 16 I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. 17 I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. 18 “But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.19 For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

    When was the last time you got excited…I mean goosebumps, stomach flip-flopping, jumping out of your skin excited? Do you know the Christian walk should provoke this kind of jubilance from us every day? Well it definitely should! If you’re not experiencing this, the next logical question is why aren’t you? We may not feel like skipping through fields of sunflowers every moment of the day, but we must identify this level of energy, vigor, and joy as God’s goal for us. Not only is it His goal that we remain in a constant state of joy, but He’s done everything that could possibly be done to make it available to us. It’s now our responsibility to reach out, grab it, and make it our own.

    It is easier to be depressed, upset, angry, and doubtful than to be excited about what God wants to do in your life, and most importantly, what He has already done. The things that God has promised us, He is willing, able, and ready to fulfill. What’s the hold up? It’s usually us. We are not believing Him in faith, but instead, we have trained our minds to wait with wishful thinking. We ask, “God, why don’t I have this? What’s wrong? Why are You taking so long?” Many of us are not exercising faith in God, or the things He’s promised.

    God is waiting on us to change, and the changes we need to make must be consistent with His Word. Faith begins in the mind. The mind is our thought-processing center, and God designed it to be very logical. We feed it data. It computes, programs, and then catalogs this data based on where we tell it to go. Does it go to faith? Does it go to fear? Does it go to work, play, family, chores…we tell it how to house and catalog the data we’ve allowed in its gateway. If we tell it to catalog data that isn’t logical or doesn’t make sense, the mind tells itself that we don’t really believe the data it’s received.

    Let me give you a visual of this as it relates to your faith. The mind knows that we will only act on data or knowledge we believe. So, your mind will not accept that you believe ‘God is good all the time and all the time God is good’ if you also believe He punishes you. You’ve already programmed your mind that punishment is bad, so it will not accept that good and bad are the same. Trying to believe this will cause you to be unstable, and you won’t be able to receive the results of faith that you desire, because you will not act upon something you don’t believe. It is equally true that you can’t desire the Will of God in your life for marriage, and not equally desire to walk in the purpose to which you’ve been called. If you believe in God’s Will for you, the evidence will be your attentiveness to do it.

    Romans 10:17(NLT) states, “So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.” And James 2:26 tells us that faith without works is dead. From these two powerful verses, you and I can gather that if our attitude doesn’t compute with faith and our actions don’t compute with faith, then faith is not going to come. This is a very simple statement of truth, but many are still perplexed about why they are not receiving the results of their faith.

    Aren’t’ you tired of just having a little bit of your needs met? Aren’t you tired of hitting and missing? If you have some habits you need to get rid of or put aside, why not just do it and get yourself aligned with faith. Let the Lord know that you want His power to emanate within you. You must want what God wants for your life.

    Ephesians 3:20 affirms that we serve a God that deals in the exceedingly abundantly. He goes above and beyond anything we can ask or think. Don’t expect to continue doing the same things and expect different results. See God bigger! He wants to do a new a new thing in your life, and you must do everything humanly possible to follow His lead.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Don’t You See It?” written for Findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • What to Do to Keep Him

    What to Do to Keep Him

    Some women consider solidifying a relationship with a man to be a very intense thing. An old saying goes something like this, “What you do to get him, you’ve got to do to keep him.” This relic from back in the day is chock full of all sorts of innuendo, some of it not so virtuous if you get my drift, but it still drives the mentality that a lot of women have around relationships with men. Recently, I’ve been reminded of some of the habit patterns spun from this kind of thinking, and not only does it do a number on a sister’s self-esteem, but it will drown a relationship in a sea of resentment and insecurity.

    There are not many feelings that compare to praying to receive something from God for an extended period, and then actually witnessing the manifestation of it. This is magnified exponentially when it comes to a blossoming romantic relationship. Problems creep in when we don’t hold to God’s standard, and acquiesce to what amounts to a flawed way of trying to maintain the blessing. Most of us have taken our cues from what we’ve seen in the past. We’ve looked at our mothers, aunts, cousins, and friends, and taken tidbits from them on how to handle certain situations. Believe it or not, many women are using television shows as a source of information and ‘how to’s’ for relationships and dating. A lot of this can be more harmful than helpful.

    2Peter 1:3(NIV) tells us, “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” This verse is so awesome that it’s almost too much to take in. God has provided everything for a Godly life. The way that He has chosen to do this is to make His life-giving truth available to us through the bible. By learning about God and His goodness, we can live a more than abundant life that is enriched by His glory.

    This more than abundant life includes having a wonderful spouse that will love and honor us as God’s daughters. We don’t have to force anything, and we don’t have to feel as though we must manipulate, spy, or coerce; but often this is what we resort to, and we’ve figured out very cute ways of doing it.

    We will call or text a brother 15 times a day, and convince ourselves that we’re just being caring and supportive, when in fact we’re acting out of insecurity. We don’t even give him a chance to miss us. Some of us will chase a man down if we sense that he’s not where he’s supposed to be when he’s supposed to be there. You can’t have eggs this fragile, and then place all of them in the basket of a person that is incapable of keeping them intact. Fragile things get broken.

    You can call, text, and be on a man’s trail 24/7, but if you’re insecure and vulnerable in your heart, you are going to be disappointed at some point. In Matthew 22:37, Jesus Christ tells us how to sure up our hearts. He said we should love the Lord our God with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. We are to love God with our everything. When our hearts are secure in God, and we are loving Him the way that His Word instructs us to, we will become strong in heart and spirit. We’ll be so immersed in God’s grace and glory that we won’t have time to chase after another person; we’re too busy chasing God.

    When it comes to handling and maintaining blessings, Heavenly Father has given us a framework of wisdom through His Word, and it is to seek Him in all things. This requires us to take our time, and to also be levelheaded enough to step back early in relationships, so that we can examine if it is the blessing we think it could be. We can dispense with the tricks and manipulations just to keep a man. All we have to do is trust the truth that God will bless us with someone that is honored to be with us, and everything that this brother does will reveal this to us in the most loving and secure way. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

     “What to Do to Keep Him”, written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • A Habit Pattern of Real Love

    A Habit Pattern of Real Love

    The definition of love is described as the ultimate expression of God’s loyalty, purity, grace, and mercy that is extended towards His people. It is to be reflected in human relationships of brotherly concern, marital fidelity, and adoration of God. You really can’t get any better than this. Heavenly Father desires that we, as His beloved sons and daughters, spiritually grow to the point that we are able to demonstrate His kind of love. 1Corinthians 13:7 (The Message) tells us the way that God’s kind of love behaves. It says, “Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.”

    I heard a story recently of a newly married couple that had not allowed themselves to be fully developed in God’s love. The man often told his wife that he loved her with all his heart, and that he felt his love for her deeply in his soul, but on occasions when he’d get upset, he would ignore her for days. He would not speak to her and would intentionally do things to hurt her feelings. She expressed such heavy disappointment in his behavior and said that she had not seen this characteristic in him before they married. Both of these individuals are Christians, and yet neither were prepared for the complexities that come with marrying someone who has idiosyncrasies that are contrary to the ways of Christ.

    Many of us are deceived, and do not realize the extent to which the enemy will attack a marital union. Spouses have very intimate information about each other; and therefore, have access to each other’s sorest and most vulnerable spots. When either of them allows the enemy to work through them in a heated argument or disagreement, the damage can cut deep, with wounds that are sometimes incredibly difficult to heal.

    It should be no surprise to any Christian that the devil will attempt to use a spouse to go for the jugular. As a single person that is praying to cross the path of your future spouse, this is one of the most important reasons you need to pray unyieldingly that you are prepared for marriage. It is crucial that you know the difference between God’s love—real love, and a counterfeit love, because not being able to discern the two will cost you.

    Any of us can tell a person all day long “I love you,” but the true story behind those words are found in what a person does, not so much in what they say. And we must be careful even about this element of distinction. Many sisters will take the smallest, most insignificant gesture from the object of their affection, and they will magnify it to make themselves comfortable with accepting less.

    The greatest way for you to measure the quality of love that you’ll receive in a marriage is to take a bold, in depth, and ridiculously honest look at the love you give. Ultimately the love you give is the measure of love that will come back to you. Luke 6:38 (NLT) says, “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” As believers who love and adore our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we must develop a habit pattern of love, giving, and sharing prior to taking that walk down the aisle. We should be so comfortable with a daily commitment of loving action that marriage is just a natural and organic extension of the way you live.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
    “A Habit Pattern of Real Love”, written for findchristianman.com© 2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
  • Three Ways to Avoid an Emotional Tailspin

    Three Ways to Avoid an Emotional Tailspin

    Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I’ve always thought that this is a most profound piece of wisdom. It cuts right down to the meat of the matter. No one has power over you unless you give it to them. No one can make you feel inferior or be anything less than what you are unless you give away your authority in Christ Jesus. And so much of the time this is what happens with many women in relationships. We can become so infatuated with a man that all we see is the man and nothing else. Our world becomes wrapped around his thoughts, his feelings, and what he’s doing. We lose sight of everything else. Then, when he no longer respects the misplaced authority that we’ve handed over to him on a silver platter, we are left with deeply hurt feelings and a broken-heart. We trick ourselves into believing that our whole world is crumbling and falling apart, all because one human being has decided not to love us anymore. This is an absolute no-no! And I know that you know it and I know it too, but sometimes we need a refresher course. We need to remember that God made the heavens and the earth, and if we’re going to give over our hearts completely, it should only be to Him.

    A whole lot of us start out thinking that it could never happen to us, and then it does. We become so wrapped up in the emotions of a relationship that we lose all sight of its true and Godly purpose. It’s so important to really do a mental, emotional and, most importantly, spiritual checkup to ensure that you will not let this happen. If at all possible, the time to do this is when you’re unmarried, so that you can develop your own special scale for measuring the spiritual balance that God expects from every mature woman of faith; it’s your way of making sure that you are prioritizing your relationship with God above all else.

    Keep Your Daily Routines in Check
    In developing a spiritual checkup for your life, examining your daily routines is a really important step. When it comes to all the demands on our time from home, work, and friends, often we just barely squeeze our spiritual well-being in sideways. Some of us only think about it one day a week, but it is important to do something that builds your spiritual endurance and strength in Christ on a daily basis. Faith is a muscle—a muscle that must be exercised in order to remain flexible and strong. Whether it’s reading and studying the Word, meditating on the goodness of God, or praying for more than 15 or 20 minutes; all of these or some version of a combination should be practiced daily.

    Also understand that everything in your life right now is strategically positioned. The people, circumstances…your co-workers, church community, family, and band of friends—all are in your life on purpose. They provide opportunities for you to both be a blessing and receive a blessing. You want to make sure that you are getting your spiritual exercise in by spending time with the Lord daily; this is most important. But you also want to take time to sow those loving seeds of care into those who you love and who also love you.

    Place God’s Agenda before Your Agenda
    God said in Jeremiah 7:23 (NLT), “Obey me, and I will be your God, and you will be my people. Do everything as I say, and all will be well!” Heavenly Father has given us the gift and free-will. We make our own choices from day-to-day, and many people do this without so much as a thought regarding what God would have them to do. As born-again believers we cannot afford to live like that. We should awake each morning with a prayer on our lips, a prayer that seeks God for what we should do with our days. He holds our todays and tomorrows, and we need to check in with Him to ensure that we’re doing what He wants us to do, and not doing what He doesn’t want us to do.

    It’s when we do not do what God wants us to do that we run into serious trouble. We start letting others control us and usurp our power in Christ. We let others dictate how we feel and respond to situations, and this is not what God wants. This is when your life starts to get off track, because you are placing another person or situation over your commitment to do what you know God requires. If you do what God tells you to do, He will see to it that you are blessed with the kind of relationship you desire. He’ll take care of your happiness, and see to it that you have peace and joy.

    Balance Work, Rest, and Recreation
    Ecclesiastes 3:1(NLT) tells us, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” There is time for all the things that are important to us, but the things of God come first. Certainly in a marital relationship this is one of the most important truths of our lives. In order to sustain a good relationship, you cannot cease or diminish your responsibilities to be a blessing to the body of Christ. You may, however, need to change the way in which you carry those responsibilities out. The important thing to remember here is that God will help you to balance work, rest, and recreation.

    God is so pleased when we understand that we are only helped, and helped in the most advantageous ways, when we honor Him with our lives. This means that we dedicate ourselves to good work. James 3:13 (NLT) says “If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.” Work is very important to God. You have to maintain a great work ethic in order to please Him, and it is clear from God’s Word that we need to spend more time working than we do resting. The way to keep this all in balance is to lean on God. When we do what He requires, He will take care of all the rest. He’ll take care of our schedules, making sure that we have enough time for work, rest, and recreation.

    Let me point you to a verse where one of the Word’s most magnificent pieces of truth just cuts right down to the chase. God says of Himself in Isaiah 66:1-3 (NLT) “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. Could you build me a temple as good as that? Could you build me such a resting place? My hands have made both heaven and earth; they and everything in them are mine. I, the LORD, have spoken! “I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts, who tremble at my word. But those who choose their own ways— delighting in their detestable sins— will not have their offerings accepted.”

    This passage in Isaiah 66 is awesome beyond words. God declared His identity. He is speaking to us, letting us know exactly who He is. He’s God, the Creator of the universe. He’s our Heavenly Father. He is the most majestic, the most powerful. He is the Beginning and the End. We cannot bring Him down to our levels—nothing and no one deserves more praise and honor than our loving Heavenly Father. We must rise to see Him as the Great, Big Wonderful Father that He is.

    God deserves to be number one in our lives. When a new man comes into your life, the things you do to demonstrate your reverence and honor for Heavenly Father should already be a habit pattern. The three, keeping your daily routines in check, placing God’s agenda in the number one spot, and balancing work, rest, and recreation, these are the things that honor God. They really ensure that you have the framework for maintaining your relationship with Him through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

    As a mature Christian woman, you don’t want to wait until you’re in the thick of a relationship before you begin to think about these aspects of your spiritual life, you want to do it now. You want to make a commitment to maintain your spiritual well-being in Christ, and the only way to do this is by making sure that God is pleased. Then meeting your husband will not send your life into an emotional tailspin; it will be the blessing it is designed by God to be. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Three Ways to Avoid An Emotional Tail Spin” written for FindingChristianMan.com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! 

  • Good Enough to Date But Not Good Enough to Marry

    Good Enough to Date But Not Good Enough to Marry

    Many in modern society think it’s an antiquated notion for a man to be careful with a woman’s feelings and only seek to have a relationship with a woman he considers worthy of marriage. Heavenly Father is not interested in our opinions regarding the laws and statues He has created. They are drenched in His love and for our overall benefit. God’s standard is very clear, and His directive to any man seeking a relationship with a woman is to treat every woman with honor. It’s brilliant instruction, because the honor bestowed to the woman will be reciprocated. She will honor the man. God designed us to function this way in relationships. We learn very succinctly how wonderfully He has designed unity to work, and we also cultivate a deep appreciation for the blessing of unity in our relationships.  

    When a man follows God’s standard of treating every woman with honor, he will never date two women at the same time. And as it relates to dating, he will endeavor to always be careful not to cause any emotional fractures to a woman’s heart. He will seek God to help him recognize the woman upon which he should invest his time, energy, and emotions. Seeking God is a requirement for everything in life, but it is especially important when pursuing and dating a potential partner. Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God’s Kingdom and God’s righteousness first, and in so doing, blessings will be added to us. All of us should make the righteousness of God our goal for handling the pursuit of relationships.  

    I’ve personally known of situations involving two attractive, seemingly intelligent and well-suited people. They come together in a relationship, but ultimately the man just isn’t interested in making the woman his wife; and the woman was sure that he would be. Many women will want to continue the relationship under these circumstances, and will often pray for God to change the man’s heart. Heavenly Father is so loving and merciful to us, and His grace is amazing. But it is not wise on our part to ask God to help us continue to be dishonored.  

    When the man has not lived up to God’s standard of how he should honorably behave towards the woman he’s in a relationship with, we must be willing to see this for what it is. It is very likely that he does not consider her worthy to be wifey. It would be wise for us, as women, to listen to what the man’s action, or lack thereof, is communicating. It is a very hard thing to accept, but if the man’s opinion of a woman is that she is good enough to date but not good enough to marry, it is often unproductive for her to continue hoping for him to change.  

    1John 4:9-10(NLT) says, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” We are the apple of God’s eye. He loves us with an unyielding, unconditional, and limitless love. He wants the best for us always. There is never a time that God doesn’t want things to go well for us. He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, so that we could become His children, and have His Spirit abiding within us. The gifts of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are the greatest gifts that could ever be given in all of eternity. God saw fit to impart these gifts onto us. Heavenly Father will not help us lower ourselves. He helps us to go higher in Christ, so that we can see ourselves the way He sees us.  

    Deep down a woman knows when she’s not being treated with the utmost honor and respect. When a relationship is in this condition, asking God to change the man’s heart means the woman has placed the emphasis on her perceived need for the man, and not on her need to see herself as deserving what God has for her. Spiritual maturity beckons us to grow beyond the practice of asking God to partner with our efforts to lower ourselves to the same level as a person’s low opinion of us.   

    1 Peter 3:7 The Message (MSG) says, “The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” Again, God instructs the man to behave with honor towards women, so that when he marries, this honor is organically expressed out of a habit pattern he’s built in his manhood. As women, when our good appreciation of ourselves meets the standard of the example of Christ, it is inevitable that we will meet a man that will equal our standard. It’s not about the man giving you what you believe you deserve, but about you partnering with a man that helps you both remain in God’s plan and purpose for your lives.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    “Good Enough to Date but Not Good Enough to Marry” written for FindChristianMan.com©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • When It Didn’t Work Out, and You Were Sure It Would

    When It Didn’t Work Out, and You Were Sure It Would

    Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT), “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Paul went on to say, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” When you’re coming out of a relationship that didn’t go as expected, it can be really challenging to remain optimistic about your marital future. I was in this situation, and 2 Corinthians 12:9 really ministered to my heart. I was sure I’d marry the Christian man that I had known for a few years and truly loved. We got along great, but he held certain beliefs about women that wasn’t aligned with God’s Word. We were both very adamant about pursuing the Lord with our whole hearts, but even though we were Christians, we couldn’t get past this obstacle. He had received counsel and advice in this area that was completely different than what I believed God wanted for us as believers.

    This period in my life was one of those times that I questioned God a lot. I asked the same thing that many Christian women ask when it comes to getting their hearts smashed, “God, why did You let this happen to me?” I was sure this relationship would work out and that we’d walk hand in hand through life.  The man that I thought would be my husband is such a gentle and caring man. He has the most compassionate heart of any person I had ever met. Most of the pieces seemed to fit, but there were certain areas—very important areas—where he was unwilling to compromise. In a relationship, sometimes this quality can make the other person feel like they are enslaved by four unmovable and impenetrable walls. It was a feeling I couldn’t shake.

    I felt exactly as the Psalmist described in Jeremiah 8:18(NLT) “My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken.” There was no meeting half-way between the two of us. He was not going to budge and allow the Spirit to really minister to his heart, and I felt that he should have. I was torn and conflicted. I began to regret that we had met, and my mind drifted to doubt and dismay. It wasn’t until I was able to hear God’s strong Word come through the mouths of wise, Godly women that I began to see clearly.

    One of the reasons I was so hurt is that when it all boiled down to it, this man had been taught something that I knew wasn’t biblical, and he was not willing to release it. On one hand, I witnessed his incredible compassion and kindness, and on the other hand I saw stubbornness on a level I had never seen. It really hurt my feelings to see that his love for me was not as strong as mine was for him. No matter how I tried to spin it, this is what it came down to.

    There can be power in the pain. You’re not really thinking about this when you’re going through tough times. You just want the pain to stop and to get through the situation without feeling as though you’re losing more of yourself. The truth is that there is always going to be triumph after pain for the Christian. You’re going to know more, be stronger, and most importantly you will be better prepared for the right opportunity when it comes along.

    I saw with my own two eyes the damage wrong believing can do, even to those who are Christians. I saw how it immobilizes a person when they refuse to grow and know more, and how it causes them to be stuck in all kinds of ways. Because I cared so deeply for this man, and was totally emotionally invested, I could have continued trying to hang on to something I knew in my heart was not going to work. I’m so thankful that I let it go, and did so without bitterness in my heart.

    I knew the truth of God’s Word, and it will never, ever let us down. I grabbed on to Jesus Christ with all the strength within me, and I trusted that my latter days would be greater than my former. I leaned on Jesus Christ to get me through, and he did not disappoint me.

    Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, deserves to be the head of our lives. He can carry the weight of our pain, and turn it into victory. This is why he tells us in Matthew 11:30(NLT), “For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” He is our burden-bearer, and we need to be patient as his power strengthens our weaknesses. Pain is a calling card for change, and we have to stop ignoring the signal, because it lets us know that we are undermining ourselves, and not loving ourselves as Christ loves us. We’re accepting something that isn’t a part of our destinies, even though we may have been sure at one time that it was.

    So if you are holding on to something that makes you feel bad about your life or yourself, make the decision to let God show up for you. It may feel uncomfortable letting go, but you’ll soon feel a sense of relief because you’re trusting God to be your sufficiency. He will ALWAYS take care of you, and shower you with His goodness and mercy. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “When It Didn’t Work Out, and You Were Sure It Would”, written by K.Y. Renee for Findchristianman.com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • When Your Purpose and Breakthrough Intersect

    When Your Purpose and Breakthrough Intersect

    You didn’t just all of a sudden decide to be God’s child. He handpicked you out before you were even in your mother’s womb. He purposed your existence before the foundation of the world. This mind-blowing piece of revelation isn’t news to you I’m sure, because Ephesians 1:5, 11 confirms it in God’s Word. You have a purpose, and because of this purpose within God’s Plan and Will, there have been certain things that haven’t come easy for you. You might even feel as though you’ve had more than your fair share of struggle and opposition. There may have been more people working against you than those that have worked with you, and you can’t understand why everything has to be so difficult at times. Why is it that you continue to endure hardships through the wait, and your breakthrough still hasn’t happened?

    It is no secret that your breakthrough and purpose are connected. God has goals for each of us, and one of His greatest goals is for truth to become the prominent part of our nature. He wants His Word to so permeate our brain cells and hearts that when we enter a room, the first thing that people see is the Christ in us. There’s a process to this. The reason why we know it is a process is because we are not all that we are going to be at the point we first confess and give our lives to Christ. There is still yet caboodles of spiritual yumminess that we have to put on mentally and behaviorally as we journey forward in Christ.

    The one thing that you must know with every fiber in your being is that the answer to the question “Where is my breakthrough?” is contained in the piece of truth that you have yet to put on in your mind and heart. You can deny this, neglect it, and refuse to do anything about it, but every single occurrence in your life will bring you back to this reality. There is no denying that you have gained biblical knowledge and spiritual know-how over the years. This is in your arsenal right now, but as it relates to the breakthrough blessing that you are seeking for your life, there’s a specific truth that you haven’t yet comprehended on the deepest level. You haven’t comprehended it on a level that spearheads a transformation that is required for the blessing you seek.

    It isn’t God’s desire that we suffer and struggle, but some of us go through it so much longer than we need to because we won’t seek God with all of our hearts, strength, souls, and minds for this particular piece of spiritual armor. His grace and mercy covers us through the struggle, but it doesn’t remove from us the responsibility to seek. It is our obligation to prove to Heavenly Father that we can handle the heft of the blessing we desire. We’re more than conquerors, and Jesus Christ has already told us in Luke 12:48(KJV) that “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required.” The ‘much’ that is required is continued spiritual growth in the Holy Spirit.

    You are so close to the breakthrough you’ve been praying to receive. Continue to pray for revelation regarding your purpose, and pay very close attention to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. You are rising higher in faith, patience, and endurance. Very soon, your purpose and breakthrough will intersect, and not only will you receive the blessing you’ve been praying about, but most importantly,  you will have a greater intimacy in your relationship with Heavenly Father through the Lord Jesus Christ.

    “When Your Purpose and Breakthrough Intersect” written for FindingChristianMan.Com ©2018. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!