Good Enough to Date But Not Good Enough to Marry

Many in modern society think it’s an antiquated notion for a man to be careful with a woman’s feelings and only seek to have a relationship with a woman he considers worthy of marriage. Heavenly Father is not interested in our opinions regarding the laws and statues He has created. They are drenched in His love and for our overall benefit. God’s standard is very clear, and His directive to any man seeking a relationship with a woman is to treat every woman with honor. It’s brilliant instruction, because the honor bestowed to the woman will be reciprocated. She will honor the man. God designed us to function this way in relationships. We learn very succinctly how wonderfully He has designed unity to work, and we also cultivate a deep appreciation for the blessing of unity in our relationships.  

When a man follows God’s standard of treating every woman with honor, he will never date two women at the same time. And as it relates to dating, he will endeavor to always be careful not to cause any emotional fractures to a woman’s heart. He will seek God to help him recognize the woman upon which he should invest his time, energy, and emotions. Seeking God is a requirement for everything in life, but it is especially important when pursuing and dating a potential partner. Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God’s Kingdom and God’s righteousness first, and in so doing, blessings will be added to us. All of us should make the righteousness of God our goal for handling the pursuit of relationships.  

I’ve personally known of situations involving two attractive, seemingly intelligent and well-suited people. They come together in a relationship, but ultimately the man just isn’t interested in making the woman his wife; and the woman was sure that he would be. Many women will want to continue the relationship under these circumstances, and will often pray for God to change the man’s heart. Heavenly Father is so loving and merciful to us, and His grace is amazing. But it is not wise on our part to ask God to help us continue to be dishonored.  

When the man has not lived up to God’s standard of how he should honorably behave towards the woman he’s in a relationship with, we must be willing to see this for what it is. It is very likely that he does not consider her worthy to be wifey. It would be wise for us, as women, to listen to what the man’s action, or lack thereof, is communicating. It is a very hard thing to accept, but if the man’s opinion of a woman is that she is good enough to date but not good enough to marry, it is often unproductive for her to continue hoping for him to change.  

1John 4:9-10(NLT) says, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” We are the apple of God’s eye. He loves us with an unyielding, unconditional, and limitless love. He wants the best for us always. There is never a time that God doesn’t want things to go well for us. He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, so that we could become His children, and have His Spirit abiding within us. The gifts of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are the greatest gifts that could ever be given in all of eternity. God saw fit to impart these gifts onto us. Heavenly Father will not help us lower ourselves. He helps us to go higher in Christ, so that we can see ourselves the way He sees us.  

Deep down a woman knows when she’s not being treated with the utmost honor and respect. When a relationship is in this condition, asking God to change the man’s heart means the woman has placed the emphasis on her perceived need for the man, and not on her need to see herself as deserving what God has for her. Spiritual maturity beckons us to grow beyond the practice of asking God to partner with our efforts to lower ourselves to the same level as a person’s low opinion of us.   

1 Peter 3:7 The Message (MSG) says,The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.Again, God instructs the man to behave with honor towards women, so that when he marries, this honor is organically expressed out of a habit pattern he’s built in his manhood. As women, when our good appreciation of ourselves meets the standard of the example of Christ, it is inevitable that we will meet a man that will equal our standard. It’s not about the man giving you what you believe you deserve, but about you partnering with a man that helps you both remain in God’s plan and purpose for your lives.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

“Good Enough to Date but Not Good Enough to Marry” written for©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

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