Find A Christian Man

Tag: Spiritually preparing for marriage

Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There

Jesus Christ has shown us that love requires sacrifice. He left his Father’s throne of immeasurable glory and splendor to come to earth. He came on a mission from God to save humankind. Our King was born in a manger, and this demonstrates his incredible humility. At any moment during his time on earth, he could have summoned a legion of angels at his side. He said in Matthew 26:53(NIV), “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” 12 legions is 72,000 angels. They would have been by his side in less time than a blink of an eye, but he didn’t summon them. He knew that sacrificing his life was his mission and endured the cross because of his overwhelming love for every person. Jesus Christ revealed the perfect and pure love of God, who sacrificed His one and only begotten Son for us all.

Jesus Christ has shown us the way to live through God’s love. His example is the one we must follow because he’s given us the standard of love that pleases God. It’s God’s standard of love, and it causes us to live according to God’s purpose. As women of faith, sometimes we underestimate God’s allegiance to His standards, and we have a mindset of accepting less than what God wants to give us. This is especially true in our desire for a real and lasting significant relationship.

God commands in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is God’s standard for the way a man should love his wife. This level of devotion sets the kind of loyalty and respect that all men should have for all women. It also sets the bar for the expectation of any woman praying to be a wife. As a woman, you can’t build this kind of capacity in a man. He should have it when you meet him.

I have a friend that was very sick with the flu. She sounded as bad as she was feeling. It was apparent she was having a rough time with it, and I was surprised to hear that she was handling things on her own. She rekindled a relationship with a male friend that she dated a while ago. Things were going well for the last few months, but her bout with the flu brought out something that was apparent to everyone but her. When I asked, she told me that her boyfriend knew how ill she was, but he didn’t come by, not even once. She said to me, “He did offer to bring me some soup, but I didn’t want to be a burden, so I told him not to bother.”

There’s a fundamental truth that every woman must know; if you accept it, that is all you will get. Some of us expect that our love will make a man gain a greater capacity to love overnight. It simply isn’t true. Only the love of God can transform a person, and to love God is to do what He says. 1John 2:5(NLT) tells us, “But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him.” As women of faith, this must be the foundation of all that we do.

God expects us to expand in Christ with each passing day. This means that we are loving others greater through him. In other words, our capacity to love and walk with power increases as we grow in Christ. This is God’s standard, and it is one in which we will never have to make excuses for a man that isn’t loving us the way he should. If we make a place in our hearts for a man that isn’t giving us the love we deserve—the love we are capable and willing to give him, then we’re throwing out the welcome mat for heartache and pain. When it comes to real love, don’t accept a little dab here and a little dab there. Christ made a way for us to live through his love, and this is the way we should choose.

Fully knowing and appreciating the sacrifice of Christ gives us the lens by which we can love and be loved. Loving and living through Jesus Christ will give us the wisdom to know that a man may not have a fancy job title or big bank account; what matters is that he has a big heart and sees loving you as one of the greatest blessings of his life. God says you deserve this. You should believe it, and never accept less. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Accept A Little Dab Here and There”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 11, 2023
Romance Cannot Replace the Truth

Walking almost a mile in the snow, Mel’s feet were frozen stiff, and she thought to herself more than once, “I can’t feel my toes anymore!” She scolded herself for wearing her cute boots instead of the ones Michael had recommended for snowy weather. He was trekking almost twenty feet ahead of her, but Mel was too tired and cold to be angry that Michael had left her behind. He, on the other hand, was still fuming and giving her a serious silent treatment. The airport was small, and there wasn’t much in the way of businesses nearby, that’s why Michael had stressed the need to double-check their reservations. Not a fan of cold weather, Mel wasn’t gung ho about the trip in the first place, but she honestly thought she had made the reservations. As it turned out, she didn’t, and they were stranded at the airport on the busiest day of the year.

Michael’s favorite cousin was getting married in a small town in upstate New York, and because he refused to wait any longer, they ended up walking to the nearest car rental office. The entire way, Michael didn’t say a word to her, not even when they finally got a rental and made it to the hotel. He warmed up and spoke two or three words to her once they were settled in a bit, but all Mel could think about was that long, cold mile. Michael didn’t turn his head once to see if she was okay, and it broke her heart.

They’d been together a little over six months. Things were progressing beautifully, and Mel had begun to imagine what being ‘Mrs. Melody Bryant’ would be like. Michael is a firefighter. He’s very attractive, and up until their trip together, he had totally swept Mel off her feet. They met after his move from Maryland to Atlanta, and they both threw out the welcome mat and made space for each other to comfortably fit into their individual lives. They wanted to be open to each other because they wanted to be together. Michael had met Mel’s mother, stepfather, and two sisters, and the family was ecstatic that they were a couple.

Their faces were all Mel thought about as she contemplated how to handle the incredible hurt and disappointment she was now feeling. On so many occasions, Michael’s kindness had left her speechless, but he wasn’t who she thought he was, and nothing would ever be the same. She left before his cousin’s wedding, and for the next few weeks, she did everything she could to disconnect from Michael.

Jesus Christ teaches us in John 10:10(ESV), “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Jesus Christ wants us to know that we have an enemy, and he wants to steal and destroy our blessings, and he wants to kill and destroy us. This may sound ominous and scary to some, but regardless of how it sounds, it is the truth. We must be spiritually prepared to stand back to back with our partner, both man and woman must be fully equipped with the spiritual armor God provides. It’s not a game, it’s serious business. We have a spiritual enemy, and human weapons will not cut it when it comes to battling evil.

We have such difficulty in relationships because when we get into them, many of us fail to build them on a foundation of God’s strength and power. We do not place Jesus Christ in his rightful position as the head of all our unions, and this is a big mistake. Ephesians 1:22(NLT) says, “God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church.” There is no equal in all eternity to the power and authority that God has given His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. We desperately need this power in our relationships. And to be clear, we need this power to recognize the person God sends.

The disappointment and pain we experience when a relationship is derailed can send us into emotional shock. We don’t know how to handle it because our faith in God isn’t where it needs to be. Someone has done something to undermine our confidence and greatly diminish our clarity. We no longer have what we thought we did, and this can be emotionally overwhelming.

Many women have been in Mel’s position and handled the situation quite differently. Some of them might have made excuses for Michael’s behavior and said, “It’s been a long day, and he’s just tired and upset. He’ll get over it.” Others would have given Michael a piece of their minds. They would have met his attitude with an even saucier one. With Mel, there was something deeper going on. Her biological father was an alcoholic whose angry tirades made their lives horrible when she was a child. She remembered the look on his face when he was about to blow, and Michael’s anger gave her a glimpse of that.

After weeks of him trying to connect with her, Mel finally agreed to meet Michael. It was on a Saturday afternoon, and she arrived at the coffee shop intentionally early, so she’d have an opportunity to settle herself before he arrived. Mel was more nervous and emotional than she could remember, and the flipflopping in her belly had been non-stop for the last two days. Michael, the sweetest man she thought she had ever known had revealed a mean streak. It was biting and vengeful, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was only the tip of an iceberg. She dreaded the thought of discovering that he had only been pretending over the last several months and that allowing him in her life had been a big mistake.

Significant relationships have a tremendous impact on our lives. The wrong person can cause more damage than we can imagine, and they can be used to undermine our relationship with God. Causing a wedge between us and our faith in God is the enemy’s aim, and if we allow an opening, he will weaponize the people we love and use them against us. The best thing that we can do for ourselves is to not allow this opening for enemy attack. We can be preemptive by letting the Spirit guide us according to God’s Will. Jesus Christ tells us in John 16:13(NLT), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” As women, we must understand with crystal clarity that romance cannot replace the truth. With any significant relationship, we must pray continually for wisdom and good judgement, and when the Spirit reveals the truth, we must have the courage to accept it.

Sometimes, we need to be alone with God and ourselves only, and we have to do this for a while in order to come to a place of clarity, and it’s a kind of clarity that only the Holy Spirit can give. This is the gift Mel gave to herself. It was one of the most challenging things she had ever done, because she wanted Michael in her life, and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to let him go.

He walked into the coffee shop, and the sound of his greeting was calm and warm, and she thought she’d melt, but she refused to betray herself in that moment. Mel was prayed up, and her inner pleas were for the Lord to strengthen her and give her the right words to say. He did. After an hour or so of easing in, they talked about that night, when she left him before his cousin’s wedding. Until that moment, she had not realized how deeply it hurt him. They had both punished each other, and only the Lord Jesus Christ could help them heal and grow in His love.

Significant relationships that can potentially lead to marriage are filled with bliss, but they can also reveal characteristics in the other person that are immature, toxic, and very challenging to deal with. Can we successfully navigate through these? Absolutely, but not without Jesus Christ. God has a plan for our marital partnership, and He will send the right person. The very best scenario is to pray and ask the Lord to grow you up in Christ before you meet him, so that you can be spiritually prepared to faith your way through any obstacles.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Romance Cannot Replace the Truth”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

July 4, 2023
Our Need for Companionship

One of my co-workers is a born-again believer, and he’s 37, single, attractive, and financially secure. I was being a bit brazen one day and asked him if he ever wanted to get married. He answered, “Yes, when I find the right one.” I thought to myself, “Isn’t that what most single men say?” I have no doubt that he was being sincere, but I must admit that this response and attitude of many single men still baffles me. What’s the criteria they’re holding for “the right one”? Is it based on the standards that God has set in His Word, or is it based on a physical attraction that immediately sparks a response of his flesh? Is he looking for both those things or is he blinded by a refusal to be humble and allow God to direct this area of his life?

He may not have given much thought to how he defines “the right one”, but as a woman wanting to partner, you must be keenly interested in why he thinks he hasn’t met her. We shouldn’t be under any delusions about their pickiness here. Men need companionship as much as women. They are innately aware that they need the nurturing of women to live the more than abundantly life that Jesus Christ made available. If it were available for them to have this level of living without women, Adam would never have needed Eve, but the reality is that Adam did need Eve. And men do need women. This is the Will of God.

Genesis 2:20(NLT) tells us, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God’s brilliance and the perfection of provision dictated that Adam needed a helper, and part of Adam’s responsibility would be to care for her as well. Nothing about the way God set this up has changed. In Genesis 2:24(NLT), God said “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Whether we accept it or not, this is the Will of God concerning the marriage of a man and woman, and His blessing hinges on the condition that His Word is honored and respected.

Of course, every man and woman have the free-will choice to decide the person that they will marry, but if we ask God, He will send the person that HE has ordained to be just right for us. However, the reality is that most of us don’t ask Him, and we don’t extend an invitation for Him to be Lord over this aspect of our lives. God will not interfere with our relationship decisions without an invitation from us. He will never overstep our free-will choice. We get to decide if we want and will follow His guidance. History has proven how devastating the results can be in marriage when a couple doesn’t invite God into their unions. They fail to submit to His leadership through the Lord Jesus Christ, and the results of this is catastrophic.

An excuse to be selfish
The issue is not about a man finding the right one. The issue is whether he will recognize the woman God sends. For him to recognize her, his eyes must be open. For his eyes to be open, he should be seeking the Lord about it. Jesus Christ said in Luke 11:9-10(NLT), “9 And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Our Heavenly Father gives good and perfect gifts, and He knows exactly how to provide for us. It is necessary that we humble ourselves in honor of His perfection, brilliance, and power, and seek Him for ALL things.

Many physically mature men have never been married. They are financially stable, intelligent, affable, and have great relationships. They are perfectly able to share their lives, generosity, loyalty, and love with a woman in the Spirit of Christ, but they refuse to do this. An expanding bank balance, a satisfactory level of success, a comfortable lifestyle, and a fear that someone might jeopardize these things makes many men lock- on to selfishness with a death grip.

God blesses us so that we can be a blessing to His Will and to the lives of others. Sadly, many men do not view this as their responsibility to Christ. Instead of being committed to obedience and faith in God, they choose selfishness as a device to appease their insecurities about money and preserve their way of life. They use their singleness to shield themselves from the commitment of truly sharing their lives with a woman, and they often see their single status as a license to try on several women like new pairs of shoes.

This is a form of exploitation, and it is in no way Godly. As women of faith, we need to see it coming a mile away. We should not yield to it, neither should we attempt to do it ourselves. There’s a right way to find the right fit, and it is to seek God and make sure our actions are guided by Him.

An excuse to play around
1Corinthians 7:32-35(NLT) gives us wisdom for understanding God’s Will. It says, “32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”

The wisdom of this passage teaches us God’s standard for marital conduct. It teaches us that marriage is a gift. It’s God’s way of providing companionship but it is also a way of keeping us from sexual immorality, because that stuff just wrecks the lives of people. It takes them further away from God rather than closer to Him and His blessings. Our Heavenly Father made it clear in 1Corinthians 7:32-35 that the only acceptable reason a man would remain single is that God has ordained him for the purpose of being totally sold out to ministry. Women are just as much God’s treasures as men, and neither a man nor a woman should ever use their single status as an excuse to play around with God’s treasures.

Jesus Christ commanded us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This is the only acceptable way to love God. Well, how do we accomplish it? 1John 5:3(NLT) declares, “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.” Our need and desire for companionship must never be above our allegiance to honor God and do what He says.

The right one for all of us is forever and always Jesus Christ. He’s the one to give us marital unity and longevity, and our commitment to honor him allows us to walk in his love, strength, and power. We have made relationships way more complicated than God ever intended. We can’t navigate this rocky terrain without His help. We desperately need His guidance, so we should never try to take things into our own hands by leaning on our own understanding. That’s not a winning strategy. 1John 5:4 tells us that every person in life will defeat the plots and tricks of evil, and we will do this, not by selfishness or a need to control, but by the victory that is achieved through our faith in God. So, if a man is truly waiting to find the right one, he should be seeking God’s guidance. Most importantly, he should never allow his single status to be a detriment to any woman’s life or to his own with relationship with God and standing in Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Our Need for Companionship”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 27, 2023
Daily Maintenance Is Required

Psalm 37:4(NKJV)
“Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” This verse signals us to delight in our Lord but many believers don’t take him up on it. We don’t because too many of us get disappointed and let down if we think God takes too long to bless us with what we believe we deserve.”

In 1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT), the Apostle Paul told the believers in Thessalonica, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” Paul understood firsthand about the challenges that were facing those who followed Christ, and the commandment to them is to believers living today as well. Although most of us don’t face death on a daily basis as the believers did in biblical days, we still face some really tough challenges in our day and time. One of them is being single in what seems like a sea of men that have no interest in marriage whatsoever.

Philippians 2:3 tells us not to do anything out of rivalry or conceit, instead we are to be humble and put the benefit of others over ourselves. How many of us have done this or have the attitude of humility and selflessness that this verse conveys? Most of us know a single person that has a heart to be married, and they’ve been praying to God for the opportunity for a while. Although they may not express it to us, there are scars from enduring one relationship disappointment after the other. The loneliness of being single longer than you’d like can press up against your faith at times. It can be a struggle to remain encouraged, especially when it feels as though you’re not making progress, and no one seems to understand your pain.

As believers, we have a responsibility to encourage others. Whether we are single or married, those that are spiritually mature should encourage those that are endeavoring to increase their believing towards marriage. Again, sometimes being single is not an easy road. Hearing positive and uplifting encouragement to fight the good fight of faith is a gift to single individuals struggling to stay the course.

If you’re a single person, you might be thinking, “I need encouragement myself.” The answer to this is to give what you desire to receive. This kind of giving and unselfish attitude is what God expects from each of us. It’s how we show His love to others, and we should make it a priority to do this daily.

There are different kinds of love, and romantic or eros love is what many singles crave. This kind of love comes from physical attraction. It’s the sensual intimacy that a husband and wife share and initially it is expressed through romance. Although this kind of love is meaningful to a marriage, it is not enough to sustain and maintain a marital union. We must be extremely clear about this. God’s love is agape love, and His love is the one on which all other kinds of love must hinge.

God’s divine love is the kind of love that He has for all of us, and He requires us to have it for Him. We have been empowered by Jesus Christ to love God the way He wants. Romans 5:5(NLT) says, “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” The Holy Spirit abides within us and he fills our hearts with God’s love. We are full to running over, and the question for us is whether we’re pouring out to others what God has poured into us.

There is no doubt that if we are saved and Holy Spirit filled through Jesus Christ, we have God’s love in us. So, we have the ability and capacity to give it away, and this is what God expects. Many of us want to jump right into eros love, because it tickles the flesh, but that is not the way of a spiritually mature believer, and we must be spiritually mature to partner in marriage. As men and women that aspire to be all that God has called us to be, we should develop a daily maintenance plan for our souls. We should continually and freely extend to others what has so freely been extended to us through Jesus Christ.

If we keep holding on to the love of God within, and we neglect to share it abundantly, we are missing opportunities to lay up treasures. We’re not being the kind of blessing that we can and should be. Let’s not do this. Real love is agape love. It’s God’s love that He has placed within His kids through His Holy Spirit. We need to learn more about the nature of God’s love, so that we continuously put it on in our hearts and minds.

All of us should want a spouse that loves us through Christ, because this is the only love that has the glue to hold a marriage together. So, lets make spiritual maturity a consistent prayer request, and let’s be diligent to unselfishly and lovingly encourage singles to stay prayerful and never lose faith in God. We need this ourselves, and we are equipped and will be blessed for extending it to others. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Daily Maintenance Is Required”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 20, 2023
Not Bothered by the Heat or Worried About the Drought

A couple that met each other in the workplace recently announced their engagement. They’re both in their early 40’s and have been dating a little over a year. After hearing the news, Steven, a colleague and friend, said to me, “I would never get into a serious relationship with anyone I work with!” The firmness in his statement led me to inquire why he felt this way. He replied, “I think it’s just too much pressure and discomfort on one another if something goes wrong, and things don’t end up working out.” I certainly understood where he was coming from, but I was a bit surprised to hear his point of view. He is an optimistic person of faith and has encouraged me and others that with God, all things are possible. I was struck that in the area of relationships, he chose to see the limitations rather than the opportunities.

Jeremiah 17:7-8(NLT), “7 But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”

Someone asked me, “How do I know that my faith is in God and not in the wrong thing?” Jeremiah 17:7 answers this question beautifully. It tells us that blessings come to those who trust in God, and it also tells us that trusting in God means that we have made HIM our hope and confidence. When we make God our hope and confidence, the ultimate result is always going to be good. We can trust this because our Heavenly Father told us in Romans 8:28(NIV), “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Loving God means being obedient to His Word and walking according to His purpose. When He’s our central focus in this way, we’ll correctly discern a blessing from a trick.

When other things are our hope and confidence, those things take centerstage. We think about them continually, and we feel that our lives are less than what God has made them because we don’t have the things we desire. Feeling that way means we need to pray more and shift our focus back to God.

Our Heavenly Father set up the pattern for what makes a relationship work. He did this from the very beginning, and we can have a good visual of it from learning from the relationship He had with Adam and Eve. He walked with them daily and was delighted to do so. He demonstrated to us that just as communion and communication are a vital part of our relationship with each other, they are an extremely important part of our relationship with Him. He is the Creator of all that exists, and when we think about this, we might find it hard to believe that God wants an intimate relationship with us, but that is why He created us. He wanted a family. He wanted children and we’re it. So, a commitment of quality time to talk and fellowship with God one-on-one is critical to sustain the kind of relationship with Him that He wants.

As women that are not yet at the end of the manifestation process of crossing paths with our destiny partners, we understand Steve’s thinking about how tricky relationships can be. Many of us have had our share of toads. Initially, we thought they were princes, but came to find out they were not the one for us. These situations can be devastatingly disappointing, and they often cause heartbreak that is challenging to get over. We want to be as far away from the person that has broken our hearts as possible, and we certainly don’t want to have to see them every day at work.

Jeremiah 17:8 gives us just the perspective we need on this. It tells us that when God is our hope and confidence, our roots will reach deep into Him, and we won’t be bothered by the heat or droughts. Heavenly Father is not a God that fails; He’s a God that always leads us forward and higher in blessings and spiritual growth! Being in a relationship with God means that He is going to grow us up in Him. It means that even if you’ve experienced situations that didn’t turn out as you expected, and even if you feel you’re in a drought and don’t see anyone that comes close to being your prince, you will not let yourself wallow in sadness. You will not let your heart be troubled because you know beyond knowing that God is faithful to His promises.

Jeremiah 17:8 also provides another key to remaining in faith. It says our leaves remain green. They don’t wither because of conditions of heat or drought. For those of us that are like trees planted by the river, our leaves don’t wither because we are committed to continue producing fruit. This is where many have fell off the wagon. When our confidence is misplaced, we stop concentrating on pleasing God by producing fruit. Instead, we concentrate on loneliness and lack. Or we concentrate on the man we think is the one and try to put God in second place. That will never work. Ministering the Word to others, being a blessing to their lives, helping those in need, sharing the Good News and encouraging those within our span of influence, good deeds like these are our fruit. They prove that our confidence is in God. Our focus must be to continue producing and laying up treasures as Christ has instructed us.

When our hope and confidence is firmly placed in God, we are not worried about the heat or the drought. We are in a posture of walking with Him and waiting to hear His instructions and directions. God is in the business of making your desires a reality. The fruition of your blessing is between you and God, and no one else can make your dreams come true except Him. Don’t be afraid to let go of past mistakes, expectations, and anything else that blocks you from trusting Him. Have confidence that whether its at work, in the grocery store, in church or fellowship, at the gym, or anyplace else, God has appointed the time and place of every blessing that happens in your life. When your relationship is tight with Him, there’s no way that you’ll miss what He has for you.■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Not Bothered by the Heat or Worried About the Drought”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 24, 2023
The Lord Sees It Differently

1 Samuel 16:7 (NLT)
“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

There are varying opinions with biblical scholars over whether Jesse had seven or eight sons, as one record in 1 Samuel 16 in the Old Testament mentions eight, and the other record in 1 Chronicles 2:13-15 mentions seven. It is entirely possible that one son passed away, but there is no contradiction in God’s Word; of this we must be sure. The record in 1Samuel 16 tells us that God sent Samuel, the prophet, to anoint David as the King of Israel. By all outward appearances, Jesse thought that any one of his older sons would be the one that Samuel might choose. They were taller, hardworking, and muscular looking men, but thank goodness God doesn’t look at us in the way that we look at each other. He looks at our hearts.

I can’t help but think of the many single women that are holding out for a man that fits their idea of how he should look. They have it down to complexion, height, build, and overall level of attractiveness. If a man shows up, and he looks significantly different than the image they’ve had in their minds, he’s relegated to the ‘not a possibility’ column with all due haste.

This can be a challenge to work through, because physical attraction is important in a marital relationship, but it’s not the principal thing. Some of us make it so. It boils down to a matter of priorities, and God has set those according to His plan for your life. He values your spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of your future spouse more than any other thing. And He tells us very straightforwardly in Matthew 6:33(NKJV), “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” His desire is that we prioritize what He deems important at the top of our lists, because He always knows what is best for us. If we don’t line up our thoughts and convictions to give God the highest place of authority in our quest for marriage, we will keep ourselves separated from the blessing we desire.

Heavenly Father looks at the heart, because Proverbs 4:23 tells us that the issues of life spring forth from the heart. If our hearts are out of alignment with the Will of God for us, we run the risk of being dissatisfied with the outcomes of our choices and decisions. Heavenly Father deserves all the glory! He alone is worthy of our praise and worship. He never makes a mistake, and His delight is to bless His children. He never intended us to navigate life on our own. Walking and talking with Him, and receiving His divine leadership and guidance was always the kind of relationship He wanted with us. Yes, we may be adults and able to make decisions for ourselves, but God sees it differently. He sees us as children who need His help to live a successful life of faith. He is willing to help us cross paths with the person that is right for us, and He will help us with any other issues or desires. He will always steer us in the right direction, and we must put Him in His rightful place of honor as He guides us to higher blessings through our faith and obedience to His Word. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Lord Sees It Differently”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 17, 2023
The Bridge Not Easily Crossed

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NIV), “9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken;”

The thing that speaks to me uniquely regarding this passage in Ecclesiastes 4 is that its wisdom takes out all the fuss we add to relationships. God delivers His standard here, and it is very simple common sense; this is what I love. Its practical guidance is beneficial no matter your situation. Whether you’re single, married or divorced, the principle of strength in unity and partnership can be applied across the board. If you’re finding the process of going from single to married to be a bridge not easily crossed, don’t allow yourself to be discouraged or deterred. Cling to the simplicity and common sense of God’s standard and let Him guide you as you cross the bridge from single to married.

You can’t do it without God
The principle reality about any quest we attempt to undertake is that we can’t do it without God. The truth of this goes without saying, but still many of us neglect to pray and be obedient in a way that signals we are letting Him lead. Nothing makes sense without God, but with Him, the quests we think are complicated and difficult are made light and far less challenging. God is about increase, sharing, and unity, because all of these, and much more, embody what it means to love in the way that He does. This doesn’t mean that being single is a negative thing. It’s not. It gives us time to concentrate and focus on our relationship with God. Some might feel they’ve had a little too much time for this, but God is the Judge of that. He knows when our hearts are full of His love. And He also knows when we are at a point spiritually when we will not shortchange our time with Him simply because we have a new man in our lives.

The simple truth He is revealing is that His Will is that people stand together and help one another. He loves unity, and He wants us to know this. So, when we’re at a point of praying that we’ll meet a good man and get married, we are praying to expand our lives by caring for and supporting another person. This is fruitful because God makes it plain for us in Ecclesiastes 4:10 that with two, you’ll have a better return on your labor. This means you can accomplish more things together than you would alone, but we must never forget that our working together with another must be fueled by our honor and obedience to God.

You must use your time now to pray that God teaches you the lessons that are specific to being the helpmate your spouse needs. You must have God’s guidance for this. Without His love guiding us, we become confused and entangled with too many expectations and too little spiritual discipline.

Know how to help each other up

In Hosea 4:6(ESV), God said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge.” Heavenly Father is speaking directly to us, His children, and He’s telling us that we can be severely harmed because we have refused to know Him as well as we should. Many single people have not applied discipline when it comes to reading and studying God’s Word. If they are not doing it while they are single, they probably will not do it when they become married. Because they haven’t used their time as singles to study God’s Word, they won’t be able to withstand some of the rigors of married life. They’ve neglected to heed God’s warning in Hosea 4:6, yet they expect to be blessed with a lasting marital union. This is not a spiritually mature posture.

Hebrews 11:6 tells us that God is a Rewarder to those that diligently seek Him. Diligence is a discipline. It is evidenced by a consistent pattern that becomes a habit. Once we have worked a habit pattern of diligence in our lives, it stays with us. The characteristic of diligence towards the things of God helps to preserve our marital unions, and we can’t be ignorant about this. God’s requirement and expectation is that we will be a helper to our spouses. He expects that we will allow Him to work through us so we can help our spouses up when they fall. However, if we are not seasoned in His Word, we’re not even helping ourselves, so how can we help a spouse? We must be diligent about the things of God, so that we are spiritually prepared to help our spouses in the way God has ordained.

Make a cord of three strands
Jesus Christ must be the head of our marriages. His love is the glue that holds it together. It is inevitable in a marriage that there will be disagreements. Some marriages don’t survive them. Weaknesses of the spouses are weaponized by the devil to put a wedge between the couple. When neither spouse has built within them a habit pattern of prayer and walking in the Spirit, small things fester and slowly become layered over time. But when one of them has the faith to press into God and let Jesus Christ take the wheel, the Holy Spirit can strengthen their union. This is how the spouses together with Christ build the strong cord of three, and it will withstand the plots of the enemy that are designed to come against their union.

Knowledge about God’s Word is our greatest weapon, and when we don’t have it, life can be extremely difficult. If we are without the Godly wisdom necessary to be the good helpmate that Heavenly Father desires, the enemy will continually steal the opportunities that are necessary for us to cross paths with our destiny partner. We will be stuck on the bridge, never crossing it because we’re blinded by a lack of knowledge. We won’t see the very instruments that lead to our blessing. God loves unity, and you must pray and ask Him to teach you to work together with your spouse. He requires you to diligently apply yourself to this before you marry. You must get into His Word, so that you are spiritually strengthened and prepared to be the helpmate God desires you to be. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“The Bridge Not Easily Crossed”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 10, 2023
Choose Me, Please

“Men don’t notice me, and I don’t know what to do to change that.”

When we’re frequently in the company of more than a few men that are believers, and none of them seem to notice us, it can really do a number on our self-esteem. You wonder if there’s something you’re doing that is counterproductive to your goal of meeting Mr. Right. I’ve heard this concern from single women more than a few times, and it makes you want to do something to wake up certain men and say, “What’s wrong with you?!!!” All these amazing women that are beautiful inside and out are out there, and single men are like, “I’m waiting to get myself together financially first before I seriously date.” Seriously! What about what God says, does that count at all in their calculation, or is this ‘financial stability’ thing just an excuse.

If we’re keeping it one hundred, many of these men could have been more financially secure years ago, but they splurged on stuff like sneakers, clothes, or some other non-essential things, and didn’t use their money wisely. Do you think if they lacked the discipline a year ago that they’ve changed their game up a whole lot now? Having money in the bank is a really good thing, and we should all be striving to save and be more financially disciplined, but not to the point where money is governing our decision-making process rather than the wisdom of God’s Word.

A man’s responsibility is to be a provider, there is no doubt about this, but his ability to do so is an empowerment from God. It isn’t based on a man’s idea of what he needs. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:8 that Heavenly Father knows what we need even before we ask. So, a man must depend solely on Heavenly Father as his Source, because this is the posture that pleases God. The man should understand that his motivation and commitment to care for those God has entrusted to him is what catapults him into God’s favor.

The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 4:9(NLT) tells us, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” This is a jewel for single people, but how can a single woman convince a single man that a serious and monogamous relationship is a precious blessing and not a detriment or a squash on his dreams of financial security? What can she do to make him see her as an asset and not a liability? Is there anything she can do to make him choose her as his wife for life?

Those are questions for the ages and many women have pondered them. But the answer is that a single woman shouldn’t think she has to try and convince a man of her worth. Her responsibility is to be convinced of it herself. How does this happen? How do we become grounded in the reality of our worth? The answer to this question requires us to know the Source of our worth, because He is the One who gives us value.

Before God rescued us from eternal darkness, Ephesians 2:1 tells us that we were dead in trespasses and sins against Him. Nothing dead has any value, but because of God’s amazing grace, He sent His Son to die so that he would save the world. God sent Christ to redeem us, and this redemption gave us our value because Jesus Christ gave us new life!

If we miss the extremely important reality of what Jesus Christ accomplished for us and where we were before he saved us, then something within us is still in the dark. God gave us value, and without our relationship with Him through Jesus Christ, we have no identity and no idea of our value. If we are not basking in the joy of what God has done for us, our light is not on. If the light is not on, the love of God is not powerfully radiating from our being, and we are not the magnet we could and should be. We must truly understand the depth of God’s love for us and the great sacrifice our Lord and Savior made for us all.

1Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT) tells us, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” The Spirit of the Living God dwells within us, and he is the One that causes us to live a successful life as a follower of Christ. Living through Christ is our source of power. Heavenly Father makes this clear to us in 1Corinthians 4:20, which tells us that His Kingdom is not just a lot of talk, it is living with His power!

The Holy Spirit will do what we allow him to do. If we are not surrendering to his guidance and letting him teach us how to be our best for God’s Kingdom, then we are missing the mark. You and I, and everyone that has ever existed, live from the inside out. This means that the real action of who we are, what we represent, and what we can do illuminates from within. Blessings land in our lives and remain as a result of what is in our hearts and minds, so our aim should always be to let the light of Christ shine from within as we remain continually infused with God’s Word.

Getting ourselves pampered and pretty has its place, but it will never be enough to catapult us to next level of blessings and spiritual growth. God’s love in Christ is the glue. It causes us to cross paths with our destiny partners and keeps the relationship unified. Without God’s love in Christ and the gratitude we should have for what He’s done for us, you and I don’t have anything to draw out our blessings. We will not be able to hold things together. So, as a woman of God, of course you know that along with yours, there are lots of pretty faces out there, but a pretty face will not move a man to change his mind about marriage. You must be blissfully thankful to God, and you must be confident in your Christ identity. When you are, the transformative power of His love that is operating in your life will ensure that the right man recognizes you as the right woman for him. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Choose Me, Please”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

May 3, 2023
Balancing Your Needs with God’s Requirements

Life will give you what you give it. This is the lesson many mature believing women have learned throughout their spiritual journeys in Christ. Our Lord and Master tells us in Luke 6:38(NLT), “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” He is teaching a very important and immutable law regarding the way in which Heavenly Father has setup the universe to operate. It is a law that works for the positive actions, energy, attitude, and deeds we put out there, and the negative as well. This Law of Giving and Receiving will never fail. It cannot be broken or altered. If we take a sinful or negative thought and allow it to manifest into a sinful action, it is going to have an impact on our lives, and we will not like it. Even those who do not know Jesus Christ in the pardon of their sins understand this law.

The Law of Giving and Receiving is packed with God’s unparalleled intelligence, grace, power, and goodness. It’s a law that forces us to humble ourselves, because we can’t come before God with excuses about our level of giving. We can’t convince Him that we’ve been amazingly Godly in our actions and deeds when we haven’t. Proverbs 24:12(NLT) cuts it down like this, “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.”

The old nature is the nature we had before we came to Christ. It’s a nature that God calls His enemy, because it goes against His Word. It is a nature consumed with selfishness, pride, indulgence, revenge, pettiness, and all manner of darkness. Rebellion is the oil in the old nature’s engine, and many of us still have it in our hearts and minds. We don’t want to be disciplined or to do what God says if it interferes with what we like and want. And we convince ourselves that we are justified in our actions. Some think God’s forgiveness means that we can continue doing wrong and He’ll give us a pass, that there won’t be a price to pay for not lining up with His Word. Even an unlearned parent teaches their children that although bad behavior is forgiven, it has a cost. Heavenly Father has set up the entire universe to be friendly to those that obey Him, so we can avoid the consequence of wrong action through obedience to God’s Word.

A woman said to me once, “God knows my heart, He knows that I have needs and if I ask Him to forgive me, He will.” How many women have thought this to themselves? Tons, I bet. As believers, we can’t presume to tell God we have needs and then not have faith in Him to take care of them. And we certainly can’t call sin a need. He tells us in His Word that He is our Provider and Protector. Philippians 4:19(NLT), states “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” God is our Source, Sufficiency, and Supplier. So, if we go off on our own, and decide we’re going to take care of our own needs, what does this say about our faith in God? For many, therein lies the issue. They are not really trusting Heavenly Father for all things.

We must come to grips with the truth, because if we’re believing a lie, that’s not going to give us a foundation for marriage and the kind of life we want. As women of God, we feel pressure to try and balance our needs and the man’s needs, and still be Godly. We can’t start from that position because it isn’t a winning one. Jesus Christ tells us to seek GOD first. He must always be first with us. So, we must start our significant relationships, or any other thing we attempt to do, by putting God’s requirements in the top spot, and then everything else will fall in line.

We are not robots, and yes, we have needs, but God is our Creator. Sometimes what we think is a need is a temptation from the devil. We’ve given in to it so many times that now we have developed a pattern of listening to our flesh rather than listening to and honoring God. None of us have what it takes to balance our spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical needs. Only God can do this. Philippians 2:13(NLT) declares, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”

Our responsibility is to let God be at work by being committed to do what He says in His Word. Most of us have done things our way and indulged ourselves whenever we have had opportunity. We have been rebellious in certain areas of our lives for a long while now. It’s time to make a change. Our actions and intentions should be focused on building and strengthening our relationship with the Lord. We need to be conscious about what we’re doing and only put things out there that please Heavenly Father. When this is our main intention and motivation, we will receive the bounty and abundance that are tied to living and loving through Jesus Christ.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Balancing Your Needs with God’s Requirements”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 9, 2023
Do You Think About God Much?

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Philippians 4:8(NLT)

In Philippians 4:8, our Heavenly Father is providing us with valuable information that will help to shape and mold our lives. He has given us insight regarding the importance of our thoughts. Our minds are the grooming place of faith, and they produce the thoughts that help us move ourselves forward and upward in the things of God. This is one of the reasons the Father commands us in Ephesians 4:23 to be renewed in the spirit of our minds, because when we change our thoughts, we make a shift in the supernatural. This shift begins a manifestation process that can change our lives if we keep the faith and stay the course. When it comes to crossing paths with the person that will walk with us through life, we need to immediately arrest the negative. All doubt and anxiety must be replaced with promises of God’s Word.

Think about what is true
God’s Word is true! If God says something, then it must be so. We can’t have faith and doubt at the same time. One of them has to go. Jesus Christ said in Mark 11:23(NLT), “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.” What is doubt? Very simplistically, doubt is the opposite of faith in every way. It is feelings and thoughts of uncertainty and not believing the Word that God has told us. Doubt demolishes the momentum of faith and therefore, doubt will not and cannot prove the perfect Will of God.

Jesus Christ has told us the truth in Mark 11:23, and it is our choice whether or not we will believe that through faith in him, we can do incredible things. Our faith in the Lord is what causes us to be led and guided by the Holy Spirit. Faith takes us out of the driver’s seat and places Jesus Christ in his rightful place as the head of our lives. So, when we think thoughts that are true, we ought to be thinking the same thoughts that Jesus Christ has. What are those? Jesus Christ said in John 8:29(NIV), “The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.” Our Lord and Savior never did anything that did not please God. From the time he woke up in the morning until the time he laid his head down at night, he was either thinking or doing the Will of God. This is what is always on the mind of Christ. He is always thinking about ways in which he can please God. How about us?

Think righteously
The process of thinking the same thoughts, and not changing the way we think, is like watching the same movie over and over again. After we’ve seen the movie repeatedly, it is recorded and programmed in our minds. The outcome is the same every time, and it doesn’t change. The actors don’t change, the scenes don’t change, and the ending doesn’t change. So, if the movie is bad, the outcome is always going to be bad. If the movie is good, the outcome is always going to be pleasing to us. Many single women want different results, but they don’t change the movie that is playing in their heads and hearts. They keep doing the same things and hoping for different results. Life will not respond to this positively. God designed life to respond favorably to faith.

Our thoughts are like seeds, once you plant them, ultimately that seed will produce a harvest. We, you and I, strengthen the plant based on how much we think the thoughts that seeded it. Our minds are a powerful tool – so much so, that our Heavenly Father has instructed us on what exactly we need to think in order that our minds are fertile soil for faith. He tells us to think on whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable. This is what it means to think righteously.

To have unrighteous or non-righteous thoughts is to think repeatedly about things that are not based on the truth. Some of us make the mistake of allowing our thoughts to be dominated by our lack of companionship or lack of a significant relationship with a good man. We think about how lonely we might be if we don’t have a man by a certain time. We think about the embarrassment of showing up at events without a partner, and we think about how much we dread feelings of loneliness. But what about thoughts of the righteousness of Christ and the hope we can have to measure up to God’s standard? Does this dominate our thoughts more than those of lack and loneliness? Are we allowing our minds to be breeding ground for more of the same? What about your blessed marital union and the things you’ll do as a couple to bless the body of Christ? Some of us don’t think of our lives in this way because we don’t plan on doing much more than what we’ve done. Yet we expect to be blessed for a harvest we haven’t even planted.

Excellent and Worthy of Praise
Psalm 100:4(NLT) tells us, “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” This is how we are to enter the presence of our God. Only He is deserving of our praise. He deserves all the praise, honor, and glory that we can give Him. Thinking about this is what it means to think high-level thoughts. It’s keeping our minds and hearts continually in that high place. We should come before God trusting and believing He’s taking us higher, and we should be committed to using our thoughts, words, and deeds to meet Him in the place that is deserving of His majesty. We can’t bring God down to the level of doubt and fear. Trying to do this is admitting we either don’t know who He is, or we are refusing to have faith in who He is. But when we are committed to give Him our highest praise and thankfulness, we are partnering with all that is good to please Him.

Gratitude and faith in God is the culture of heaven, and heaven is our home! It’s the place where our Father lives. We are God’s spiritual children, and we were born from His Spirit. His home is our home, and we need to represent home wherever we are. Whether it’s in the shower, in a classroom, at work, at church, at the hair or nail salon, in the grocery store, or at the dinner table. We ought to be thinking about God ALL the time, and we should be committed to having Him be pleased with our whole lives. If we continue to think like Christ, rest assured, marriage will come, and life will get better and better as we give God our whole lives and please Him with our thoughts and deeds.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Do You Think About God Much?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

April 2, 2023