Find A Christian Man

Tag: Spiritually preparing for marriage

  • RING in the New Year?

    RING in the New Year?

    Some of the urban vernacular we hear these days is so cryptic that it could literally become a second language. Words like ‘ratchet’, ‘shade’, ‘filthy’, ‘lit’, and ‘baddie’ meant something completely different just a short time ago. Today they’ve taken on a whole new meaning. I have a feeling that ten years from now, they’ll mean something else, but there’s one term that goes way back and the meaning never changes; it’s “ride-or-die.” This perfectly defines Mia to a tee. There are no other phrase in the English language that would do justice to her level of allegiance and commitment when it comes to her current relationship. She’s more than hung in there for ol’ dude, and she just knew this Christmas would be the payoff she’s been waiting for.

    Mia’s boyfriend came back from a long deployment in Afghanistan. They’ve been doing this dance for almost four years now, and I’ve never known a person more loyal than she is. No shade to Robert. He’s dutiful and attentive, seems to appreciate her commitment, and showers her with gifts every time he comes home. She had an inclination that he might propose during the holidays, and a few days ago, when he brought her a beautiful hand-carved jewelry box, she just knew an engagement ring was inside of it. It was empty, and she thought to herself, “Huh, another year and no ring.”

    Can you imagine the disappointment? They’re the quintessential military couple. Everyone who knows them prays and roots for them to make it, but there’s a problem, and neither of them seem to be willing to face it head on. I remember a time when Mia said openly that she would never date a man over two years without a marriage commitment, yet here she is. Robert is a good man, no doubt, but the question Mia might be forced to ask herself is whether he’s the right man for her.

    As she recounted what happened on Christmas to her friends, she did so with a lightness and a chuckle, but the disappointment was in her eyes. It seems a very likely scenario that she will continue this posture of wait and see. Her loyalty is a given, but it has always been matched by an unabashed disposition to speak her mind. She has a notorious intolerance for non-sense. So, it’s an enigma to us that an ultimatum of some kind has never been a topic of discussion between the two of them.

    Mia has taken ‘ride or die’ to the limit. Continuing this track she’s chosen; will she get a ring in the new year? None of us know, but of course God does, and the best thing that she can do for herself is to ask Him. In Matthew 7:7 (NIV), Jesus Christ said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  The only prerequisite to knowing the truth is to ask, seek, and knock. The only requirement for receiving the truth is an earnest intention to accept it once it is presented. Sometimes, we only want the truth when it is convenient to what we currently believe, but the truth can sometimes make us uncomfortable. When it does, we think it’s inconvenient, because it will most certainly lead us to change and do something different. It might make us step outside our comfort zones and face a fear that we’ve harbored a long time.

    Philippians 4:6 (NLT) tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” We can come to God and present anything before Him that is on our hearts. We need to trust that God desires marriage for us more than we desire it for ourselves. Sometimes we choose a person that seems right, but isn’t right for us. Or it could be that they are only meant to be in our lives for a season. The psalmist said in Psalm 34:4 (NIV), “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” Sometimes, the person we love just will not meet our expectation. Trying to force this is like placing a square peg in a round hole. This isn’t what God wants for any of us. The answer isn’t to hold on something that isn’t producing the life we deserve. If we’re fearful of not being loved or of being lonely, these are fears we need to release. God will help us if we ask Him and trust that He will set our feet on the right course.

    Robert may not be the one to put a ring on Mia’s finger. That may be difficult for her to come to terms with, but to move forward, she must. None of us should just go along, doing the same things, and knowing deep in our hearts that we’re not receiving the same level of love and commitment we’re giving out. Robert knows the caliber of woman that Mia is, because she’s proven herself to be loving, committed, and loyal. Yet, he still doesn’t want to make her ‘wifey’, and that is what she wants most. Let’s not ring in the New Year without the expectation, self-confidence, and faith of getting a ring. Commit to Christ-like actions, immerse yourself in God’s grace, and release anything that keeps you stuck. 1 John 4:18a (NIV) tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” Let the perfect love of God drive out the fear that keeps you settling for less than He wants to give you. Seek our Heavenly Father in all that you do, and you’ll witness the newness He’ll bring to your life in the New Year.■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “RING in the New Year?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Lessons of a Broken Soul Tie

    The Lessons of a Broken Soul Tie

    We hear a lot about soul ties in today’s environment, and it has both positive and negative connotations. “Soul tie” is a phrase that people use to describe a deep spiritual connection to another individual. Some think of it as a connection that occurs when two people meet for the first time and realize that their souls are destined to become one. Any person that has experienced the fulfillment and joy of a meaningful soul tie will want it to last a lifetime. It’s the dream on the hearts of many of God’s people, and the continual subject of their prayers. We are wired to seek connection, and when we make one on a soul level, everything feels right in life. The thing that very few of us prepare for is what happens when our souls untie.

    Matthew 19 gives us a record of an occasion when the Pharisees came to test Jesus Christ regarding the legality of divorce. Verses 4-5(NLT) tells us his response, “4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” This passage leaves no question of God’s intention for marriage and unity. When a man and a woman marry, they become one in His sight.

    In this marital union, it is possible that one person might significantly change mentally and emotionally. It’s not uncommon to hear divorced men and women say, “We just outgrew one another.” The unexplainable aspect is the reality that they were so sure at one time that their souls were inextricably linked. It was inconceivable to the both of them that anything in life could occur that would cause their soul tie to be broken. This begs us to consider the reality that things in life break all the time, but there is nothing broken in the life of any human being that cannot be repaired and made better through the love of Christ.

    No Blame Game
    1Corinthians 12:27(NLT) declares, “Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.”  This puts the ‘out-growing’ rationale in perspective. As children of the Most High God and siblings of Christ, we are all members of one body and therefore, we are indeed inextricably linked through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 4:10 tells us that Jesus Christ left certain gifts pertaining to spiritual leadership for his body. These gifts are to accomplish the mission of God’s plan which is for the whole body to be unified in faith regarding the knowledge of Christ. Again, this ‘individual parts functioning as a whole’ is God’s plan for the Body of Christ, and His Will is that everything will be under the authority, power, and rule of Jesus Christ, our King.

    The outcome of God’s plan is made plain for us in Ephesians 4:16(NLT). It tells us, “He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”  It is inevitable that we will all grow at various levels with various speeds. God’s intention is that one partner will aid the growth of another in the way that He has ordained.

    To shift blame on to the other person for a lack of spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity is not only injurious to the relationship, it is injurious to us. It takes us out of accountability and humility. We have neither the bandwidth nor the right to stand in the seat of judgment when it comes to God’s plan for our spouses and partners. Heavenly Father’s plan for them existed long before they met us. Our responsibility is to ‘help the other parts grow’. God will keep the tie together when our willingness and intention is to aid His purpose. He will bless us and help us weather challenges and difficulties on all fronts if we minister in our unions through His grace and righteousness.

    Specific and Continual Prayer for Your Partner

    Souls develop and grow, that’s part of what they do. They release things that we feel no longer serve us and they gravitate towards things we believe will give us pleasure. So, when our mates no longer give us the pleasure that we’re used to receiving from them, that’s what we perceive as a serious problem. The soul wants what it wants, and when it doesn’t get its usual diet, or its appetite changes, we feel empty. The natural inclination of folks in a relationship is to think that the relationship is no longer useful because it doesn’t fill us up the way it used to. We then attribute the emptiness we feel to the partner. He’s not making our soul tank FEEL full.

    One of the lessons we learn as we grow in Christ is that Jesus is the source of our joy. If we’re looking for the relationship to be the source of our joy, we are setting it up for disappointment. Christ works through us, and he works through our partners because of our faith in him. You and I don’t have any glue of our own to hold a relationship together; we just don’t. It is the love of God in Christ that holds everything together. When it seems the soul tie in a relationship is coming untied, more glue—more of the love of Christ—is the solution. You and I may not know how to administer God’s love in a way that addresses the untie, but the indwelling Holy Spirit knows exactly what to do. Our responsibility is to pray fervently and frequently for our partners, that the Spirit will do his perfect work in them, and in us.

    As wives and girlfriends, truthfully, we’ve let this one slip on an epic scale. Even now, while you are unmarried or unpartnered, you must set a habit pattern of praying specifically for the salvation and spiritual growth of your husband. Pray that the Will of God is done in his life, and that you will be a conduit of God’s love to help him continue to walk the path Heavenly Father has placed before him. We have grossly underestimated the level of diligence to prayer that a union requires. We need to be locked into the Father’s heart when it comes to ministering to our spouses. Specific and continual prayer prepares us for hiccups and gives us the patience and discipline to be still as God works them out.

    Be Still

    The loss of partnership when our souls appear to untie is difficult, but we can get over it of course through the healing power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. However, it is also very necessary for us to understand that those same two souls can be unified again through Christ. It can be done through our willingness to pray, not out of desperation, but out of obedience to what God desires. We must also understand that unity cannot be achieved without humility. Recognize that even though you may have developed a soul tie, your soul cannot call the shots; it cannot rule your life. Jesus Christ is Lord! He is in the driver’s seat. He must rule our lives, and we must allow him to lead, guide, and direct us.

    God said in Psalm 46:10(NKJV), “Be still, and know that I am God.” Don’t panic or make hasty decisions and choices when things are untangling. Often this is an indicator that our own souls need nourishment, and the only Source of nourishment for our souls is God’s Word. We must still ourselves and get into the Word with a greater commitment to pray and receive wisdom and understanding. Don’t allow the enemy to whisper lies in your ears and cause you to step away from your destiny. The Holy Spirit will teach you and reveal to you what to do if you make God’s Word the priority. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Lessons of a Broken Soul Tie”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Completely Convinced in God

    Completely Convinced in God

    “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.”

    Hebrews 11:1(NLT)

    Getting married is a request in the prayers of many single women. Some are crying out to God with urgency. They feel their hope for marriage doesn’t seem to be getting any closer to materializing their desired results. They are increasingly disillusioned with dating and losing hope in the prospect of marriage. The experience of many singles is to meet someone, date for a few months, talk about the future and then ‘poof’, the relationship fizzles before it even has a chance to develop into something meaningful. It can be emotionally taxing, and most of us want to get off this merry-go-round.

    Marriage is indeed a blessing from God. It requires that faith isn’t just something we go to at the point it seems the relationship is fizzling. Faith must be anchored in our minds and hearts before we get into relationships, so that we are not just dating to be dating. When our faith is in God through the Lord Jesus Christ, we date with God’s purpose in mind, and we don’t have to waste our emotional resources becoming invested when the person was never meant to be a destiny partner.

    1John 5:4(NLT) tells us, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” There is no question that marriage is a beautiful thing, but we bring things into it that are not so beautiful. In fact, there’s some baggage we’re carrying that will bring down our future marriages with unnecessary and toxic weight. God will help us get rid of this stuff now, so that we aren’t outsmarted or defeated by the devil. Victory is when we are prepared through Jesus Christ to stand on the Word of God so that whatever plots, tricks, and traps the enemy sends against our unions, we are able to stand firm.

    The reality is that wherever we are in our walk with Christ, faith is required to see any kind of movement from God in our situation. Because our Heavenly Father is completely invested in us – just like we want a man to be, God is already there. He wants to see us grow in Him and to grow in our faith. He already sees us standing strong in Christ with the blessings we desire most, and our reality must match what He sees. You may envision yourself as someone’s wife. You may believe that you’re ready and spiritually prepared, however, in God’s eyes, your faith isn’t quite there. You must trust that God knows better than you, and you must be convinced that He will help you prepare if you humble yourself before Him.

    Our faith is how we respond to God. It is how we show Heavenly Father that we trust Him. If our response isn’t one that is completely convinced of His goodness, and if our response doesn’t reflect that we know He always knows best, then we must make a shift in our thinking and believing. We can’t do our own thing just because we think it feels right. Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes by hearing the Word of God. The only way to hear the Word of God is to read it, listen to it, and speak it to yourself.

    Both our minds and our hearts must be completely convinced that what God said He’s going to do He will most certainly do. He said He would give you the desires of your heart if you remain anchored in Christ and occupy your thoughts and intentions with pleasing Him. This means that your entire agenda can’t be about what pleases YOU, it must be about pleasing God with your whole life. If there’s any possibility that you are not where you need to be in the faith, pray and get into God’s Word more, then watch as He rewards your increased commitment to put Him first.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Completely Convinced in God”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Never Judge A Book by Its Cover

    Never Judge A Book by Its Cover

    One Saturday afternoon, while I was parked at the grocery store and still sitting in my car, my oldest daughter nudged me as I was busy searching for my grocery list in my purse. “Ma, look at him! Oh, my goodness! He’s absolutely gorgeous! I hope my husband looks like that!” She said. This man was impeccable. The grooming, the styling, the smile—mesmerizing. It was almost as if he walked in slow motion so that we could take in every ounce of his handsomeness. Instantly you assume that someone that pretty on the outside is equally so on the inside. You can’t judge a book by its cover. This is a lesson that maturity and a few heartaches under your belt will teach you. I schooled my daughter with the same wisdom I received from my mother; looks aren’t everything, it’s the heart of a person that you want to see. But like many of us, sometimes we learn this lesson the hard way.

    The cover of a book typically gives us an indication or an inkling about its contents. It often evokes an emotional response from us. The cover is supposed to whet our appetites and make us curious and excited to read what’s inside the cover. It shouldn’t be lost on us that sometimes the cover is misleading. We open the book, begin to read its contents, and may find that the inside is quite different from the outside. The outside may be incredibly appealing, but the inside may pale in comparison. So, although some books are as exhilarating and interesting as their covers, some are not, and that can be disappointing.

    In the Old Testament, Saul was appointed the first king of God’s people, the children of Israel. From all accounts, his exterior was very pleasing to the eye. He was strong and virile, and looked like one would expect a king to look. Samuel, God’s prophet, was very fond of King Saul, and for a time, Saul followed God’s statutes and led the people as God instructed, but this changed. Saul began to think that he knew better than God, and he started to do things his own way. Of course, Heavenly Father found this unacceptable and rejected Saul as king of Israel. God selected another king, and Samuel the prophet was saddened because of his fondness for Saul.

    God told him in 1Samuel 16:1(NLT), “Now the LORD said to Samuel, “You have mourned long enough for Saul. I have rejected him as king of Israel, so fill your flask with olive oil and go to Bethlehem. Find a man named Jesse who lives there, for I have selected one of his sons to be my king.” Saul had the right cover—he looked the part of a king, but the content of his heart was disappointing. Again, Samuel had grown very fond of him and was attached to Saul so to speak, so much so that he mourned over God’s rejection of Saul. We can understand this so well, because sometimes we meet someone who is attractive, and their looks draw us in. After we get to know them better, it might be clear that their character isn’t as attractive as their exterior, but we develop an attachment. We want them in our lives, but deep down, we know this isn’t a person that can walk with us through life.

    When Samuel saw one of Jesse’s sons that was striking and virile, he thought surely he was the one. Again, he was making a character judgment that was based on the exterior and not on the interior. In 1Samuel 16:7(NLT), the Lord told Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” Our Heavenly Father is schooling us on His standard for choosing what is best. It’s about the heart.

    Samuel obeyed God because he knew that God always knows best. You and I must have this confidence towards God in our hearts as well. We must have faith that not only does God know what is in our hearts, but He knows what’s in the heart of the person we choose. Sometimes, the wrong things are in that person’s heart, and they will end up causing us great harm or causing us to miss the blessings God wants to give us. When it comes to dating and finding the right person for us, surrendering our decision making to the guidance of the Lord is the very best thing we can do. It can be fun and exciting to look at the cover of a beautiful book, but we shouldn’t invest our time and energy into reading it unless God tells us the contents are as pleasing to Him as the cover.■

    Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Never Judge A Book By Its Cover”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • A Wise Woman that Prepares for Her Future

    A Wise Woman that Prepares for Her Future

    Proverbs 31:10(NLT) says, “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.” I absolutely love this scripture, and I’m sure many of you do as well. I have often referenced it in my offerings because it is so awesomely impactful to Godly womanhood. It’s a very simple verse to understand, and because of this, many of us have mistakenly glossed over its potential to expand our faith. When it comes to the challenges of being unmarried and finding a compatible partner, this verse in its wonderful simplicity answers any questions we might have. God tells us that a good woman is hard to find. If she’s hard to find, she’s not in the usual places. She’s where a good man will be looking and expecting to find her.

    Proverbs 14:1(NLT) states, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” In the modern times in which we now live, and in many circles, a woman that prioritizes building a home is looked upon as old fashioned, old school, and out of step with the reality of modern feminism. Learning to cook a meal, to tidy up her home and keep it presentable, and to prioritize Godliness are sacred to the ministry of a woman, but most folks these days don’t view it this way. Our Heavenly Father is not concerned with how the world views His Word. He is, on the other hand, very concerned with how believers view it. In 2Timothy 2:15, God commands us to show ourselves approved before Him. He then goes on to tell us exactly how His approval is achieved. He tells us to be good workers who rightly divide and handle the Word of Truth.

    In Luke 6:47-49, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ clarifies the difference between a good worker and a poor worker. A good worker, according to the teaching of Christ, is a person that listens to his teaching and follows it. A good worker is a builder that lays a foundation of solid rock and then builds the house upon it. When the floodwaters and storms come against the good builder’s house, that house will stand no matter what. A poor worker hears the Word of God but doesn’t obey. A poor worker doesn’t believe that God’s Word is the truth and therefore builds a house without a foundation. When floodwaters and storms come against it, this house collapses into one big mess.

    A woman that is wise will build the foundation of her home on Jesus Christ and the Word of God, so that no matter what the enemy throws her way, her house will not be divided but will stand. A wise woman doesn’t make worldly assumptions about what it means to be a good woman. She turns to God and prays that He will teach her His requirements so she can meet them.

    When a woman is busy being obedient to the Father’s Will and Word, a good man will know exactly where to find her. We’re not perfect, but God’s plan is perfect, His Word is perfect, and He is perfect. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t miss a beat. When we make it our business to build our house on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ, the Lord will take care of presenting a man that is everything we need him to be. God has given us perfect tools, perfect building material, and perfect instructions. We can’t wait until we meet the man to start using them. We must demonstrate to the Lord that we trust that He will provide us with a good man. We must show Him that we are backing our faith by being wise and doing everything we can to spiritually prepare for the future, and we’re doing it right now.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “A Wise Woman that Prepares for Her Future”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Out with the Old and In with the New

    Out with the Old and In with the New

    Isaiah 43:19(NLT)
    “For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”

    My conversation with a dear sister in Christ led me to really draw nearer to this verse of scripture in Isaiah 43. My sister-friend recently had a breakup with her significant other, and she was feeling the sting of his absence in her life. I knew she was hurting, and I counseled her as best any good Christian friend would – with the love of Christ and with truth.  I told her not to dwell in that space of hurt for too long and try not to be in touch with her ex if possible.

    There is never going to be a set time on how long it takes for someone to get over a breakup. It may take a few weeks, a few months and for some, it may take much longer; it is also why the verse in Isaiah 43 resonates so much with me, and I pray it does with you. Through His prophet, God told His people, “For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?” When He told His people this, they were in one of the worst tribulation experiences that any human have. They were in bondage. They had lost their prominence, their possessions, and their place of dwelling. Their eyes were so closed to possibility that all they could see was the gloom of their situation. God was telling them to open their eyes to His power, because His masterful plan for them was already turning things around. This is the same eye-opening hope and faith that you and I must have in God.

    God lets us know without any shadow of doubt that He does a new thing in our lives daily. Not just once a month or once a year, but every single day of our lives. Even when it comes down to the sinful behavior we may commit while in our relationships, God is quick to blot them out as soon as we ask for His forgiveness. He remembers our sins no more, and He told His people in Isaiah 43:25(NLT), “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.”  He lets us know so lovingly that He is not like us. He doesn’t look at us through the same lens as others or even the way we look at ourselves. God sees the Christ in us and never looks on the impurities of our sinful souls. He wants us to also see ourselves in this way—as brand new!  

    The Apostle Paul said in Galatian 6:14-15(MSG), “For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can’t you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life!” When we’re brand new, we don’t give up hope because of something that went wrong in the past. Instead, we celebrate newness because we have faith that God is always up to something good, and He is always doing something new for, with, and in us. Our attitude should continually be ‘out with the old and in with the new!’

    I’m sure many of us wish we could just wake up one morning and every hurtful circumstance or bad behavior would just vamoose out of our memory completely. But it doesn’t matter to God how many bad memories we have or how many wrong choices in men we’ve made, Heavenly Father’s love for us is infinitely higher than we could ever imagine. He wants us to be forever fulfilled with an abundance of love and happiness, this is what is most important to Him. He is greater than any mistake we can make, and His love will heal our hearts and cause us to be better than we ever imagined.

    Sometimes we need a little help to understand that before we can embrace something new, we may need to let go of some of our old patterns and behaviors. I recently went through my closet and got rid of some clothes and shoes that I no longer needed and wasn’t wearing. It instantly hit me that this is what many single people should do in their personal lives. Get rid of what you don’t need, those emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes that do not help you increase in faith and love. Refuse to wear those things any longer! The point is to make room for something new. You just never know what God has working in the background. Don’t miss what He has for you by focusing on what has passed. Shift your attention and focus to the new that God is bringing into your life and trust Him to guide you to it.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    “Out with the Old and In with the New”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • You Know I’m Single…

    You Know I’m Single…

    An actor was being interviewed and jokingly asked if the host had a single family member or friend that she could meet. “You know I’m single.” She said. The host responded, “Every time you’ve been on our show, you’re always single, what gives?” It doesn’t matter if you’re a beautiful Hollywood actor, a professional, or a single mother trying to get back out there and juggle all the other responsibilities of life, the dating arena can be challenging to navigate. We’re all so different, and so are our needs, but the complexities of meeting someone that isn’t married and is actually looking for something meaningful seems almost too much to tackle. People are constantly saying that the special person for us is out there, but if that’s true, where are they hiding and why is it so difficult to find them?

    Meeting the right person for our lives is a process of self-discovery. That sounds like a pitch right out of some guide to meeting your soul-mate, but as cheesy as it may sound, it’s true. The foundation of the process of self-discovery is first recognizing the truth about what ‘self’ means. Self-identity is Christ identity. People spend their whole lives trying to discover who they are, when God took care of that through Jesus Christ. Everything we need to know about who God created us to be can be found in Christ.

    If you give it some thought, you’ll see that if we’re not quite sure who God created us to be or what we’re supposed to be doing on this earth, then there’s probably a big question mark branded on our foreheads. We can’t see it, but it’s there, and it shouldn’t be hard for us to understand that no one wants to get to know a question mark. People are looking for something real. A question mark suggests all the issues associated with not really knowing who you are—issues like poor judgment, lack of confidence, and an inability to truly and deeply be loyal and committed. As sisters in the Lord, we wouldn’t want someone like this as a marital partner, so we must make sure there’s no trace of it in us.

    There isn’t anything about us that God doesn’t know. Ephesians 1:4-5 tells us that before He made the world, He already loved us and chose us to be His very own. God wants us to be holy because He is holy. Holiness envelopes the bond of unity we share with Him. Our Heavenly Father tailor made us to fit into His wonderful plan. For a long time, before we knew Christ, we didn’t know about God’s plan or how we fit into it. We were lost—just didn’t have a clue who we were supposed to be, but God’s love began to unfold in our lives when we accepted Christ. The problem is that many of us stopped short. We haven’t allowed God’s blueprint to spread out, so we can study the full view. Instead, we got just a glimpse and started to run with our assumptions. So, for many single and unmarried individuals, self-discovery has not come to full maturity. God is telling them that there’s still more they need to learn about Jesus Christ before they can partner successfully.

    Thousands of years ago, God knew that there would be a multitude of single women praying to Him for a good man. Even back then He considered the challenges for our modern times. We have to remember that He knows the end at the very beginning. You can be confident that He knows all the details of how you will finally meet the man that you’ve prayed for. And make no mistake, He also knows what it will take for you to get in position for this blessing as well.

    God is an Excellent Giver. He doesn’t give gifts to those that are not ready to receive them or who lack the ability and well of gratitude to steward and be thankful for them. Heavenly Father is perfect in every way. The special person for us isn’t hiding. They are preparing, just as we should be. God has made sure there are enough spouses for those seeking to honor the institution of marriage. Not every man can be a husband, just as not every woman can be a wife. It takes a humble, forgiving, loving and committed human being to be truly ready to partner with another human being in marriage. Dating is easy, but marriage requires stability and truth.

    Joshua 1:8(NLT) tells us, “Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” God wants His children to be fulfilled, happy and successful, and He’s left it up to us to make it happen for ourselves through His Word. He tells us in Romans 6:13(NLT), “Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God.” This is God’s requirement. He wants us to be married and partnered up more than we desire it for ourselves. Keeping His Word is paramount to our success.

    As we study God’s Word, we can see that He never overlooks a promise. He is faithful to keep His Word. He has promised to bless us, but He is also committed to see us fulfill our purpose. He is committed to see us capture our destinies according to His Will and Plan. As unmarried people, we have to go to Heavenly Father with a deeply humbled heart and do so in the most earnest way that we know. We must ask Him what more we need to do in order to fit into His plan. We must ask Him what part of our old man nature we need to take off, so we can walk more fully in Christ. Then, we must wait on God as He unveils the answers to these questions. God knows you are single, and He will take care of every detail regarding meeting your destiny partner but seeking Him must remain your primary motivation and you must be committed to follow His guidance. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “You Know I’m Single…”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Listen Up!

    Listen Up!

    I had a conversation the other day with someone I’ve known for many years. She’s been keeping herself busy with her newly remodeled bathroom, a hefty project she undertook to take her mind off things. Not being able to see many of her friends and family during the pandemic has been particularly tough on her. She also mentioned that she’s started to date again. Her two-year relationship ended a year ago, and she’s trying not to make the same mistakes twice. Hopeful and more aware, she said to me, “I have promised myself that the next relationship I’m in, I’ll do more listening than talking.”

    James 1:19-24 The Message (MSG) tells us, “Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.”

    God gives us specific instructions in this passage. It’s the good stuff we need to digest for the significant relationship we hope to have and make last. Heavenly Father tells us to lead with our ears, to listen first, and then use a wise economy of words second. Many of us have failed to do this and have paid a hefty price in our relationships. You can’t be an effective communicator if you lack the patience to be a good listener. Many of us are not attentive in this area, and because we haven’t been good listeners, some of us have left an impression of arrogance and stubbornness instead of humility and compassion. We can change this, and we should.

    In today’s world, often the primary objective is to make sure your point comes across and that you are heard loud and clear. It’s not hard to see why many believe that listening to others has become a lost art. Listening is more than just hearing; it’s being attentive to details and taking in what is being communicated in a way that is thoughtful, respectful, and appreciative of points of views that are different than your own. Most of us have either experienced or witnessed the frustration of trying to convey something that is important to us, and the person we’re speaking to isn’t receiving what we’re communicating. Instead, they may talk over you, don’t allow you to finish your sentences, become angry or totally shut down and refuse to further communicate. This kind of temperament isn’t sustainable in a relationship.

    Psalm 25:9(NLT) says, “He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way.” God will always lead those who desire to be led. It takes humility to please Him and to allow our lives to be guided by His nature. Learning the patience, compassion, and thoughtfulness to become a good listener is required for marital preparation and becoming the kind of spouse that God desires. The practice of listening is crucial to maintaining our relationship with Heavenly Father, and it is very important for maintaining our relationships with our future spouses. We must be committed hearers and doers of the Word of God. Our humility to listen to His instruction and follow the example of Christ will help us to be attentive and compassionate listeners in our marital relationships. ■

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Listen Up!”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Looking Like A Trick Or A Blessing

    Looking Like A Trick Or A Blessing

    I heard a young man talk about his perception of how a Godly woman behaves verses how a woman of the world behaves. A woman of the world is a woman that adopts society’s standards over God’s standards. She loves what the world loves, and she hates what the world hates. A Godly woman is a woman who lives according to the standard and example of Christ; she loves what God loves. Well, this young man said he believes social media plays a major role in a woman’s identity these days, even down to the way she dresses. He believes that many Godly women are abdicating God’s standard and allowing them to be eroded in their lives. Like me, I’m sure you’ve heard these criticisms. Some of our veterans have complained that Christian women are wearing revealing clothes that suggest they are everything but a woman of God. It’s not a new practice to allow clothing to make a statement about who we are or how we want to be perceived. However, we can never escape the reality that the benefits of being and looking Godly will forever outweigh those of being and looking sexy.

    1Peter 2:9-10(NLT) tells us, “9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. 10 “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.” Heavenly Father makes it clear that we are to present ourselves in such a way that our appearance matches our identity. He accepts us as we are, but He’s also happy when we look our best, and He wants us to have the best. Our mission should not be to glorify the flesh, but to glorify God in all that we do. We are commanded to show others the goodness of God. As God’s daughters, the world’s standard should not be dictating how we dress when it comes to pleasing God with our appearance. We should be leaning on the Spirit, and our hearts should be sensitive enough to perceive the Spirit’s conviction when we’re not on point.

    In the Old Testament, when God established His tabernacle on earth, He set apart a high priest. This high priest was designated and responsible for bringing the people’s sins before the Lord, he would seek God’s forgiveness on their behalf. The Old Testament outlines how very specific God is about the details, and they had to be followed to the letter, or else the priest would die instantly. God’s instructions specified the duties, requirements, and even the clothing for the priest, right down to the colors of purple, scarlet, and blue. The artisans had to be skilled and they had to capture the majesty that God specifically wanted to be conveyed. The message is clear that how we represent ourselves to the world means something to God, therefore, it ought to mean something to us as well.

    At the end of the day, we are all going to do what we want, and we wear what we feel is right for us, but we have to ask ourselves which do we want to be the focus, our Godliness or how our outfit accentuates our curves. Can we have it both ways?  2 Corinthians 5:10(ESV) tells us, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” We’re on the earth for just a little while, and we need to make it count towards the purpose for which God has assigned. If something isn’t going to help us achieve the goals and rewards of Godly living, what’s the point?

    All of us want a blessing from Heavenly Father. And in our preparation of receiving one of His treasures, we must consider the reality that everything that looks like a blessing isn’t one. Sometimes it is a trick from satan to swindle us out of the real blessing that God has for us. We shouldn’t want to cast our poles in a big pond and hook the wrong fish. By the same token, we, ourselves, shouldn’t want to look like a trick rather than looking like the Proverbs 18:22 treasure God desires us to be. We must not be deceived, the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy God’s people, and he looks for an opening in our lives. And yes, sometimes it can be a worldly habit or pattern of behavior that we continually indulge that causes the doors to our lives to swing open, giving satan the opportunity to pounce and devour. We can be smarter than this, and we should.

    The times have indeed changed, but God never changes, neither does His Word or His standards. God warns us in Philippians 2:3(NLT), “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” There’s nothing wrong with being sharp as all get out, and having that hair and makeup game tight, but not to the point where humility has taken a backseat, and others can’t perceive God’s grace because of the noise of our appearance. No matter where we go or what we do, our appearance and how we dress makes a statement. We would do well to make sure that it’s a statement that magnifies the goodness, purity, and holiness of God. ■

    English Standard Version (ESV)
    The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Looking Like A Trick Or A Blessing”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • I Want All of You, Forever

    I Want All of You, Forever

    Romantic movies have had a big impact on the way many of us view relationships between men and women. We are captivated by the lengths the leading male character will go to in order to show and prove his love for the female lead. Most of us long for this kind of romance with the person we hope to marry. In one of the romantic movies I watched recently, the man said something along the lines of, “I know it isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes it will be really hard, and we’ll have to work at this every day, but I want to do this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I want you. I want all of you, forever. I want it to be you and me.” The actor said this with such emotion and depth that your heart just melted. You couldn’t help but ask yourself, “What would I do if someone said that to me and actually meant it?”

    We want so desperately for another human being to show us this kind of love, but the truth is that this is exactly how Jesus Christ feels about us. He said in John 15:13(KJV), “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” He loves us so intensely that nothing on earth compares and nothing can ever separate us from His love, for all eternity. God has given us the creativity and imaginations to produce such things as romance novels and movies. They help us to grow in our appreciation and gratitude for the level of love that He has for us all.

    Falling in love gives us ooey gooey feelings of sweetness, but as yummy as it is, it doesn’t really capture the essence of the love of Christ. Jesus commands us to love each other with his kind of love, because his brand of love is everlasting. His brand of love will cause us to put the welfare of others before our own. Jesus Christ invites us to try his kind of love on for size so we can see that it fits. He wants us to get excited about it, because if we’ve accepted him in our hearts, we carry his brand of love with us everywhere we go. We can love just the way he loves.

    Ephesians 5:2(NLT) tells us to, “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Movies aren’t real, but the love of God in Christ is more real than anything that exists. It is because of this love that you and I are living today. We can enjoy a romantic movie and be entertained and sometimes enriched by them. But we can only experience this enrichment because our Lord and Master set the precedent. We recognize intense love in a movie, because the real life and technicolor truth of the love of Jesus Christ saved us and rescued us from darkness.

    Typically, when people make the choice to “fall-in” love, they are forming a bond. Before they even make a lasting commitment, they give their hearts to one another. They don’t recognize that people can fall out of love as quickly and effortlessly as they fall in love. The problem with a ‘falling-in-and-out’ love is that it comes in limited supply. It doesn’t last. A person hopes that the memory of what they shared in the beginning of the relationship is enough to under-gird the storms that come a bit later. The divorce rate suggests this doesn’t happen all the time.

    Romantic love is subject to our own interpretation. It’s defined differently for each person, and it is based on how we choose to respond to someone and how they choose to respond to us. The love of Christ isn’t dependent on give and take. It isn’t based on conditions and circumstances. When Christ dwells in our hearts, we become a part of him. Colossians 3:3(NLT) tells us, “For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.” So then, the love of God in Christ is not just how we respond to others, the love of God in Christ is who we are. Through Christ, we become the embodiment of God’s love. His love helps us to discern and gives us the wisdom to look to Him for what is best for our lives.

    All of us have enjoyed a good romance novel or movie from time to time. I personally like them very much, but it’s really important that we know the difference between infatuation and the kind of love that holds a relationship together for a lifetime. Colossians 2:10 affirms that we are complete through our union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler, power, and authority that exists. Only the love of Christ can make us complete, and you and I must be grounded in his love. God tells us in Colossians 2:7(NLT) to, “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” At the very core of our beings, we must be rooted in Christ. When we are, we will give the kind of love that honors God through Christ, and we can be confident that it will be the kind of love we receive. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “I Want All of You, Forever”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.