Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • Come into God’s Light

    Come into God’s Light

    There are a ton of single women that desire marriage and believe in the accomplished work of Jesus Christ, but they don’t or won’t apply spiritual principles to their marital quest. They don’t believe God has specifically ordained someone to walk with them through the journey of life. They’re not particularly interested in finding out about their purpose, and they haven’t consulted God about what they’re doing to harm or impede their quest. Their approach is one of taking the reins into their own hands. For instance, this woman may come across someone that ignites a certain spark within her. She also piques his interest, and she takes this as her queue to jump in with both feet. In this scenario, SHE made the choice, and then asked God to bless it. What happens next is a toss-up between utter devastation and second best. Both are beneath the privilege of a child of God.

    In John 10:10(NKJV), Jesus Christ tells us, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” There are two exponentially important components to the truth our Master speaks in this verse. The first thing he does is let us know that there is a relentless dastardly thief in the earth, and he is the devil. The mission of the devil is to steal, kill, and destroy. We need only look at what is happening in the world today to see his evil intent and realize that he will stop at nothing to reap death and darkness in the earth.

    Unity is something satan fears, and he wants to squash it wherever he can. One of the reasons for this is because Jesus Christ has declared in Matthew 18:20 that wherever two or three are gathered in His name, He is in the midst of them. There is power where two are connected in their desire and commitment to honor God through Christ, and the devil does not want this power to manifest. It is one of the chief reasons he attacks marriages—to cancel out any chance of unity among spouses and families.

    The enemy knows our weaknesses and how deep our desire for marriage is. Jesus Christ did not keep us in the dark about the devil’s tricks. Our blessed Savior didn’t tell us about the plots of the enemy so we would cower in fear somewhere in a corner. He told us so that we would mount up with faith and arm our quest and future relationship in his authority. We must guard our hearts with God’s love. If we don’t, we won’t recognize the difference between a trick and a blessing.

    We must remember that guarding our hearts involves being careful NOT to make emotional connections with someone who hates the light. John 3:20-21(NLT)“All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” When people are intent on staying hidden in an evil nature, they don’t want this exposed. We may not perceive them as harmful, but one day down the road, they will show us what lies beneath the surface and it will be horrible. God wants to protect us from this, and He does it by guiding our desire and quest for marriage. As we seek His counsel on every decision and choice, He will keep our feet from falling into satan’s plot. He’ll prevent us from being tricked into entertaining a demon spirit rather than an angel spirit.

    Just because a man is nice doesn’t mean that he’s of God. Even believers that have been on this journey in Christ for a while can be deceived. Discernment comes from God. He communicates information to the Holy Spirit within us, and the Holy Spirit communicates this information to our human-spirit. This is the communication system God has created. Our arrogance, impatience, pride, and refusal to pay attention to the Holy Spirit will block this information. This is how we lose the ability to discern.

    1Thessalonians 5:5(NLT) tells us, “For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night.”  We are children of God’s light. When you love the Lord, and carry His love in your heart, it will attract light to you and dispel the darkness around you. Through his example and the multitudes that followed him, Jesus Christ showed us that the light also brings out the haters—those who do evil and hate the light, because they allow themselves to be used by the devil. You may ask, “How do I know if they hate the light?” Jesus Christ told us Luke 6:44 that a tree is known by the fruit it bears. Pray that the Lord will open your eyes to the person’s fruit.

    We won’t recognize light in another person if we’re not walking in it ourselves. Our Lord and Savior didn’t mince words when it comes to light and darkness. There’s a difference between the two, and knowledge of the distinction impacts where we’ll spend eternity. Recognize that the consequences of being invested in a child of darkness are very painful and can potentially influence the rest of your life. God doesn’t want you to be hurt this way. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to the earth to make a more than abundant life available to you, and you can have it if you walk by the Spirit.

    Reach out and grab what’s yours by letting your decisions and choices regarding who and how to develop a relationship be guided by God. He already knows the person that will fit into the destiny and plan He has for your life. Bring your desire into the light of His wisdom and let your faith in Him rest in the reality that He will not fail. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “Come into God’s Light” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • A Big Dose of Truth

    A Big Dose of Truth

    1Corinthians 10:26(NLT) declares, “For “the earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it.” All that we are and all that we could ever hope to be is because of our Creator. We owe God our lives, and every breath that we breathe is only possible because of His amazing grace. He made the air and everything else that is necessary for our living. Most of us are aware of our Heavenly Father’s unyielding generosity, yet many of us still do not have an acceptable level of gratitude that goes hand in hand with this awareness. It is very possible, and often reality, that we receive gifts, and we are not deeply thankful for them. The practice of being deeply grateful for gifts is an important awareness. It’s especially important for those praying to meet their future marital partners because it reveals what Heavenly Father requires. Many of us are praying for a Godly partner that will love and honor us, however, we haven’t given much thought to how we will continually demonstrate our gratitude to God for such a gift.

    As believers in Jesus Christ, we are called by God to live consistent with who He’s made us in Christ. Heavenly Father has designed life in such a way that the closer we are to the example of Christ, the more rewards we will receive. Life does not open doors for you and me unless we have the key. Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:19 that actively pursuing and walking in his example is the key. It allows us to loose things and bind them up both in heaven and in the earth. In other words, Jesus has provided everything we need to open doors that lead to treasures, but every time we do something against the Will of God—every time we engage behaviors and attitudes outside his example, we move ourselves further away from the door.

    Romans 8:1(NLT) tells us, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Our Heavenly Father isn’t trying to make us feel bad, nor does He want us continually being down on ourselves. He wants the absolute best for us. He doesn’t want us to fall into the trap of sin and then not understand how we landed there. Through His Spirit, the scriptures, and through those that have been speaking and teaching His Word, Heavenly Father has warned us about sin and its consequences. Yet, many of us have chosen to ignore His warning and we’ve stepped outside His Will. He doesn’t punish us for doing this, but there is a consequence, nonetheless. Every action has a consequence, and sometimes it comes with a pretty big price.

    Again, we owe God everything, and the question we must ask is how we’re going to demonstrate that we understand this truth. We can actually say words that communicate we’re thankful to Him, but words mean very little without the action to back them up. There must be some evidence of our gratitude. God is looking for something in the way we live that proves our commitment to His Word. He tells us in Romans 12:1 to present our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice to Him, because this is the least we can do for all He’s done for us. To get a visual of what He’s requiring in Romans 12:1, we first need to recall the relationships we’ve had in the past, and how we responded to the pressure to do things we knew were not Godly. We must remember the attitudes and emotions we displayed, and then be courageous enough to measure how far they were from the example of Christ.

    We can never repay God for all He’s done, and He isn’t asking us to. What He wants is for us to present ourselves to Him so that He can help us to transform. He wants to have His way with those attitudes and behaviors that are working against us. In order to show our gratitude to God, we must have faith that He is indeed a Rewarder. We must trust that if we offer our whole beings, He will accept them and do a work within us through Jesus Christ.

    The treasure of marriage isn’t being withheld from anyone. The consequences of sinful actions move us away from the Father’s Will, and they also move us away from what we desire most. This is a big dose of truth and many single folks are not ready to accept it, but this is the wrong attitude. There is tremendous hope and reward linked with God’s correction when we accept it. Heavenly Father is a God of love. 1John 4:19(NLT), tells us, “We love each other because he loved us first.” God wrote the book on love, not us. He is the One that has set the patterns for how love behaves.

    There must be a willingness on our part to stop doing the things that displease Him. Instead, we must come to God in total humility and ask Him to order our steps according to His Will. His love lifts us up, and we must trust this with our whole hearts, because trusting in His love moves us closer to the example of Christ.

    Heavenly Father delights in rewarding His children, but we must continually give Him something to reward. Our commitment to walk in the love of Christ must be demonstrated now, through our willingness to put our love for God above the temptation of sin. It’s not about the kind of perfume or the clothes we wear. It’s the love of Christ that wins people’s hearts. This is how we demonstrate our gratitude to God, by our obedience to the example of Christ. When we prove that we are able to love a spouse from a place of spiritual maturity and obedience to God, the right door will appear. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “A Big Dose of Truth”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • When It’s Better to Live Alone

    When It’s Better to Live Alone

    Proverbs 21:9(NLT) says, “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” Sometimes the truth spoken very plainly will slice and clarify with the sharpest knife. As a single person, our ears should perk up when we hear this verse in Proverbs 21:9. It should make us ask ourselves a few questions. The first of which is “what is God’s definition of a quarrelsome wife?” Many of us would attempt to answer this question very quickly, but that would be a mistake. One of the major reasons we see quite a few people that are disappointed in their significant relationships is because they’ve made impetuous and incorrect assumptions. These were made in areas of a relationship that required us to hear from God so we could be led by the Spirit. Instead, we assumed we knew best and ended up with a costly mistake.

    A quarrelsome wife
    Cross-referencing scripture and looking closely at Proverbs 21:9, a quarrelsome wife is a woman that is full of strife and bitterness, so much so that she is easily provoked to anger and uses angry words with her husband and children. This is a woman that probably seems quite nice out in public. It is only in her home environment, among those who know her best, when she allows the claws to come out. She speaks words that she knows in her heart are intentionally hurtful and has no regard for the reality that the people she is hurting are treasures that belong to God. A quarrelsome wife has issues. They are hiding out in her soul, yet they are apparent to everyone except her.

    Proverbs 21:9 paints a very clear picture that a woman can make a home a terrible place to be. Even if it is palatial and well-kept, a nagging wife can make the home a place where the man and children are under affliction. In times that seem peaceful, they are nervous and anxious about when she might explode again. Her home should be a place of rest, but she has saturated every crevice with the putrid odor of bitterness. And yet, folks who know her are under the false notion that she is the epitome of Godliness.

    Better to be in a corner
    It is very sad to say that the condition of many sisters’ hearts is so racked by deep-seated anger, bitterness, and the arrogance of entitlement, that singleness is epidemic. We are grieving the Holy Spirit because we have not truly repented and have refused to acknowledge how wrong we have been. It is from this place of wrongness that we make incorrect assumptions, and claim we are unaware of the harm we have already inflicted and will inflict in the future. Heavenly Father will not reward us with a treasure in this state. Instead, He warns the man to steer clear of a quarrelsome woman, because it is better that he lives alone in a corner of an attic than to live with her.

    All over the world, men have heeded this wisdom from God, even the ones that have never heard Proverbs 21:9. They know all too well what it means to live with a quarrelsome woman, because many of them have seen it in their own mothers. Any man, that is truly a man, will ultimately high tail it and run from a woman who comes against the anointing and authority he carries as a man. As women of God, we want to be respected and appreciated as treasures, and we must have an intention and commitment to treat every other person this way as well; especially those that live in our own homes.

    Proverbs 3:3(NIV) tells us, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” 2Corinthians 6:6 says that we prove ourselves by our purity, knowledge, patience, and kindness that is outwardly expressed in love from the Holy Spirit within. This is how we must live, and when it is our sole intention to do so, our attitudes and lives will change.■

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “When It’s Better to Live Alone” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • I Wasn’t Expecting It!

    I Wasn’t Expecting It!

    I’ve heard many lasting love stories from people that say they weren’t expecting to fall in love. Many would confirm that the reason their love is so special is because they met at a time when neither or at least one of them weren’t looking for love; it just happened. Some would argue that it doesn’t matter if one is looking for love or not, as long as when they find it, they keep the flame of their love burning a lifetime.

    Jeremiah 17:7-8(NIV) says, “7 But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” God is love. Therefore, we know that love is indeed the Source of life’s vitality. Love is meant to last, because God’s love endures forever. The passage in Jeremiah 17:7-8 is such a yummy piece of truth because it informs us that our roots can be anchored in the love of God, so much so that everything we touch yields something pleasing to Him. The way to have this fruitful touch is to make sure our confidence is firmly planted in our Heavenly Father.

    I think it’s safe to say that the number of Christian single people looking for love outweigh those that are not. Many of us are praying to God for a spouse, and we have been praying for an answer for quite some time. Through the prophet, Jeremiah, God has told us that trusting Him is our blessing, because He is a God that cannot fail. So, when it comes to the manifestation of our desires, a closer look at our own beliefs, actions, and attitudes is warranted. If we strip back all the layers in our hearts this very second, the truth will reveal that many of us are not fully trusting in God’s goodness. Deep down, many of us believe that for some reason God is keeping the blessing of a spouse from us. This belief blocks our faith, because it is a belief that isn’t based on God’s truth.

    Through the prophet, Jeremiah, God also gives us more incredibly valuable information. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart of a person can be hopelessly dark and deceitful, that it’s a puzzle that no one can truly figure out or understand. We all think we know ourselves so well, but God knows us infinitely better. He knows every detail of our existence. He knows our motivation for every thought, feeling, word, or deed. The heart reveals what we’re really about, and sometimes it shows that we are more motivated by our own self-interest than we are by pleasing God and doing what He requires.

    No single person can effectively demonstrate faith without the wisdom of the following verse in Jeremiah 17:10. It tells us that our extraordinary Heavenly Father searches our hearts and examines our minds. He does this to reward us according to our conduct; He rewards based on our true motives and intentions. Somehow, this revelation escapes many of us. We think He ought to reward us when we haven’t aligned our will with His Will. We expect the blessing when our hearts are still full of things like pride, selfishness, jealousy, and anger. He will not reward our bad behavior, but what He will do is help us expel these toxins from our lives.

    2Corinthians 13:5(NIV) tells us, “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves.” This requires the courage to look in the mirror and to see ourselves honestly. The psalmist said in Psalm 139:23-24(NIV), “23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” This same attitude and mindset must be present in our hearts as we approach the throne of God in prayer and worship.

    An inward look at our own hearts begins a sacred dialogue with God that should never end. With every spiritual elevation we undertake, there must be a willingness on our parts to seek God for clarity about what causes our hearts to be closed in some areas and open in others. We must invite Him to do a work within that will unveil healing revelation after revelation. We are His handiwork, and He wants to bring blessings into our lives, the kind that are expected and some that are delightfully unexpected. And although the unexpected are sweet surprises, they require us to stay prepared by increasing in the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When we do this, we’ll have a heart that pleases God because it will be overflowing with His Word and love.■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    “I Wasn’t Expecting It!”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Looking for Treasures Where There Are None

    Looking for Treasures Where There Are None

    When a man decides to go down on one knee and ask a woman to be his wife, it means she’s presented to him something that makes him decide to deny the pursuit of any other woman. He chooses as his wife the woman that satisfies something within him. This choice signals the world of this man’s intentions. A woman then has a choice to make. She can either accept the man’s offer of marriage, or she can deny it. If she denies it, in a perfect world they’d both go their separate ways, and part as friends. They’d realize that although one person is ready to make this commitment, the other is not in agreement; therefore, they can’t walk down that aisle together. But if both are in agreement, they can make something beautiful together. This is what many single women are hoping and praying will happen to them one day soon.

    The most important decision two people in a relationship will make is deciding if they should get married to one another. But before this stage is even a consideration, the two of them should be walking in agreement with God, seeking Him continually for those all-important green lights. We can’t be naive about this, because many people have been blind-sighted. They thought they received an ‘all clear’, when actually they didn’t. Sometimes, single people will translate good chemistry between them and the new person as a sign. In this scenario, the conversations are good, the new guy is saying all the right things, and he checks off most of the qualities on the top tier on their list. Because a single woman may have been praying a long while to meet someone of this caliber, she makes certain assumptions. Then, when things go wrong and don’t work out, she questions God as though He bears the responsibility for her poor choice.

    The fact that we want to see certain characteristics in the person we hope to marry is admirable. To list them out is a worthwhile endeavor, but if we take the time to think and process what we desire in a mate, there’s another list that should have come before that one. It’s the ‘To Do’ list of our responsibilities to our Heavenly Father. The reason that we can’t have one without the other can be found in James 2:26(NLT). It tells us, “Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.”

    Hebrews 11:6 tells us that it is impossible to please God without faith, and from a practical standpoint, we know that faith is necessary for everything we do in life. Most of us know that we’re to have positive confessions and to get our thoughts aligned with the mind of Christ in order to walk in faith, but James 2:26 reminds us of one other crucial component. It tells us that for faith to be lively and active, it must be backed with the right actions.

    Some will think that signing up at several dating sites is backing their faith with the right action. Others begin to go out more and involve themselves in various recreational activities, and they would say that these are actions geared towards backing their faith. We must consider that it’s very possible we need to dig a little deeper and travel more closely aligned with the Spirit, because the Spirit will take all the guesswork out of the equation. He will tell us exactly what we need to do to back our faith. James 1:5 tells us that God will not rebuke us for asking for His wisdom and guidance.

    Jesus Christ warns us in Matthew 6:19-21(NLT), “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” We must think twice about looking for treasures where there are none, because if we’ve stored them on earth, the enemy will have a field day with them. Make sure your treasures are of the heavenly kind. These are those that can be stored there for safe keeping.

    If our treasures are in heaven, our heart will be there too. This doesn’t diminish our pleasure but increases it. When our heart is set on pleasing God, He will reward us. Jesus Christ instructed us in Matthew 6:3-4(NLT), “But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.” This is instruction from our Heavenly Father on how His flow of rewards is handled. We must be mindful that any ol’ thing we choose to do will not be rewarded. God’s stamp of approval must be on it in order for it to count. So let’s change up our strategy by placing it under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Then we can be confident that our desire for marriage does not override our commitment to make loving and honoring God our number one priority.■

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Looking for Treasures Where There Are None” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • 3 Questions You Must Answer

    3 Questions You Must Answer

    If the person you’re dating isn’t ready for a marital commitment and you are, what are you expecting to happen? Do you expect that he will change his mind? Are you assuming he’ll grow more in love with you or are you willing to simply continue with things as they are? It’s important to ask yourself these questions and to examine the answers with as much scrutiny as possible. The major reason for this is because the answers are a good indication of how you see yourself and how you see God responding to your desire for marriage.

    1 Do you expect that he will change his mind?
    Heavenly Father did not intend that relationships would be as challenging as they are. But this is the thing about us humans, we bring complexity and confusion into just about every arena of life. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us undoubtedly that God is not the author of confusion, so our goal forever and always should be to let His peace abide with us. The only way to achieve this is to seek and understand His Will.

    Genesis 1:26(NLT) tells us, “Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” God created us in His image, and He also gives us our mission. It is to reign within the earth’s realm. This is God’s Will! He did not give any human being the right to reign over another person. We can’t see into another person’s heart, and we cannot control their minds. We are to have dominion and authority in our own lives. This means we cannot change how someone responds to us. The most that we can do is change how we respond to them.

    2 Are you assuming he’ll grow more in love with you?
    Love is a commitment, and it is a commitment we must honor through the Lord Jesus Christ. In John 15:13(NKJV), our Master Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” His example reveals that love isn’t consumed with what we receive, it is about the commitment we make to love and serve others through Christ. Again, humans complicate things way more than they need to be. We have taken the infallible treasure of love and tried to dice it up and split it in several different ways that suit our own agendas. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has demonstrated for us what love is and how it behaves, so we don’t get to put our spin on it. 1John 4:8 tells us that God is love, and if authentic love is our goal, it must be expressed through our faith in Him.

    After God created Adam, He saw that Adam was lonely. Genesis 2:20-23(NLT) tells us: “20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” Adam had all dominion and authority in the earth. He was not weak or lacking because he was created from God’s glory to be perfect in every way. But Adam was without a companion, and it was always God’s plan to make Eve from Adam’s body, so he would have a perfectly suited spouse to love.

    Because God loves us, just as He did for Adam and Eve, He will take care of our needs. If we are representing Christ in the way that God requires, we should never allow ourselves to be overly concerned about whether someone loves us back. Instead, loving God through the Lord Jesus Christ must be our main focus and concern. 2Corinthians 3:5 tells us that God is our Sufficiency. Another person cannot fulfill that role, and if we think they can, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Therefore, we can never, under any circumstances, try to make another person our source or sufficiency. God is our Source. We must be very careful that we’re not trying to make a person our everything or depend on them to be. If we do this, we’ve stepped away from God’s love and may be in jeopardy of idolatry and obsession.

    Are you willing to simply continue with things as they are?
    God wants us to have happy lives and happy marriages. He doesn’t want to make our pleasure any less but wants our joy to be full. To accomplish this, the love of Jesus Christ must be firmly anchored in our hearts. When it isn’t, God will help us if we want to be helped. As we accept God’s help and commit ourselves to be led by His Spirit, we must accept that change is inevitable.

    Things do not stay the same, and life doesn’t afford us the opportunity to continue being the same person we’ve always been. Therefore, we should not expect that the person we love will go on being who they are either. Life supports growth, change, and evolution; and all of it hangs on God’s purposes. Proverbs 19:21(NLT) says, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.”  So, the wisest thing we can do is be patient as God shows us what He has planned. Then, we can make decisions and choices in alignment with His Will, because these will be the best decisions and choices we can make for our lives.■

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “3 Questions You Must Answer“, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Show Me How to Love

    Show Me How to Love

    As human beings, we crave love, and whether we’re willing to admit it or not, most would do almost anything to have it. Many people today are still searching for that special someone, and they hope this person will shower them with the love they’ve always wanted. It’s no secret that there are disproportionately more single women desiring a committed relationship than men. They hope to find a man that has qualities comparable to their own, and that this quest will ultimately lead to marriage. They also hope this will not be prolonged much longer. Most single believers desiring marriage recognize that having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to make it a reality. Every step that a person takes towards increasing their faith in Christ is impactful, and this is one of the reasons it’s so important to be led by the Spirit in all you do, especially when it comes to your desire for marriage.

    The Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13:11(NLT), “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” From the very beginning of our lives, as infants, we are comforted and become established in the unconditional love from our parents. Knowing that our parents or guardians will always be supportive and will never walk away from us should establish the first foundation of love in our hearts. For many, this expectation of love, care, and support is rooted in us from infancy, but as we grow, our expectations for and about love should change. As children, our parents were our lords—they were supposed to be our everything. But as Paul tells us in God’s Word, when we mature and develop into adults, it is necessary for us to let go of childish things.

    We are not perfect, and neither are our parents. Sometimes the foundation that gets established in us doesn’t help us build faith, but in some areas work against our faith. We grow up holding on to and nurturing immaturity. Some generational stuff gets passed on, and we may have insecurities and fears that we’ve not confronted or owned. These immature tendencies block us from developing mature faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. It is crucial to handle this business of removing the blockers, and to do it before we’re in the most significant relationships of our lives. The person we’ll marry will be the individual we minister to most. They will be most impacted by our spiritual walk in Christ, and if we are not prepared to help them in the way that God has purposed, we’ve got a problem.

    Discovering God’s love is transformative. He has shown us through Christ that love is about what we do and has very little to do with what we say. Our loving Lord and Savior paid the ultimate price for us. Because of his overwhelming love, he sacrificed his life as payment for our sins. He said in John 15:13(NLT), “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” When we accept the love of Christ in our hearts, we then must love as he loves, share as he shares, and give as he gives. This is the least we can do for all that he has done for us.

    1 John 3:16(MSG) says, “This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.” We must understand that sacrifice is necessary in love; Jesus Christ has shown us this, and it is this sacrificial aspect of love that many people refuse to see. Meeting the person we will marry can’t be a desire born out of selfishness or self-agendas. If it is, the relationship won’t have a solid foundation. But when a relationship is built on the solid foundation of Christ, it will last. This means that, with our future spouses, we will come into the union with a measure of spiritual maturity that God has stamped “READY!”

    Right now, we don’t yet know all the ways in which we’re missing the mark in the love of God in Christ, but God knows. He knows our every weakness, and He sees the problems and situations in our futures that we are not yet spiritually mature enough to handle. The psalmist prayed in Psalm 27:10-11(NLT), “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close. Teach me how to live, O LORD. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me.”  This must be our constant prayer. You have an enemy that seeks to keep you separated from our future spouse, but God will teach you how to love through Him and keep your union strong. He will show you how to love so that you fulfill the plan He has for you and your spouse. Be patient, and let the Spirit lead you along this right path. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Show Me How to Love”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • I Thought I heard from God

    I Thought I heard from God

    Genesis 1:27-28(MSG) tells us, “God created human beings; he created them godlike, reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female. God blessed them: “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!” God is our Creator, and He has made us in His image. 1John 4:8 affirms that love is not just what God does, LOVE is who He is! Therefore, you and I can know resolutely that we were made from God’s love. And with His love, many things are woven into our beings. For instance, we know that one of the things God desires from all of us is an intimate relationship. So, it should come as no surprise that as children made in His likeness, a desire for relationships comes baked in our makeup. This desire is a product of God’s love. It shows us that love will always seek to expand and increase, and that our desire for partnership is very natural.

    Because love is so important to us, sometimes we allow ourselves to be manipulated and mistreated in the pursuit of it. In Hosea 4:6, God tells us that His people are destroyed because of ignorance. This makes it clear that we can be severely harmed or taken out because of what we don’t know. It’s apparent why Heavenly Father tells us in Proverbs 4:7 that wisdom is the principal thing, and that we should make every effort to attain it, and to also get an understanding about how to apply this wisdom. Not prioritizing the attainment of wisdom over the pursuit of a relationship can be a very dangerous thing.

    We must know that the enemy was once an angel of light, and he knows how to counterfeit light very well; it is something he uses to trick us so that we fall into one of his traps. The aim, of course, is to keep us blinded so that we focus our attention on the counterfeit and miss the true blessing that is meant for our lives. To get a visual of what this looks like, we don’t have to look too far. Most of us have heard these hurtful stories. We have seen it in our own families or have experienced it ourselves. We have a tremendous capacity to love, and with this comes the desire to cling to a relationship that is past it’s expiration date, and to keep on loving even when the other person no longer feels the same way.

    A friend that did this said to me about the man she loves, “I know I heard God tell me he was the one.” In truth, she had already made an emotional investment in the man before she even thought about consulting the Lord. She had made up in her mind he was the one before seeking the wisdom to know for sure. After three years of dating, she’s devastated because she truly believed that the man she had been devoted to was in her words, “the man I’m meant to marry.” We must be careful not to betray our better judgment in this way. We must wait on God. If we ask for His guidance and wisdom, He is sure to give it.

    Love is an area of life where we desperately need wisdom. God doesn’t make mistakes. His first priority is our spiritual growth in Christ. Therefore, partnership with God through the Lord Jesus Christ will always come first with Him. It would be out of His divine order to give us a treasure of another person, when we are not even handling ourselves righteously before Him. Jesus Christ warns us not to be so consumed with getting that we are not able to respond to God’s giving. He tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, and all the other blessings will be added to our lives.

    If we desire a wonderful relationship, but don’t have the proven spiritual strength, wisdom, and maturity to handle it right now, Heavenly Father doesn’t tell us ‘no’. He helps us develop well-formed love so that we are able to handle the thing we desire most. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to demonstrate that we will always and forever put God first, no matter who comes into our lives. God is the glue that holds everything together, and we must wake up to this truth, otherwise, we’ll keep going down the wrong path and continue the cycle of making the wrong kinds of decisions. Heavenly Father doesn’t want this for us. He wants us to be wise, spiritually strong, and confident in His love, and when we are, we’ll be prepared for the treasures He’ll send our way. ■

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. 

    “I Thought I heard from God”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Get Out of Your Own Way

    Get Out of Your Own Way

    One of the young women that I counsel has finished college and is ready to get married.  She’s bright, intelligent, attractive and loves the Lord. But often she feels like she’s not doing enough with her life to please God. She says this because of her unfulfilled desire to meet the Godly man that will be her husband. She’s fully aware that just because a man is a believer and loves the Lord, this doesn’t mean that he’s the right one. Like me, she knows women in her family and community that have believed this and leaped into a relationship with a saved man, thinking there was no chance for error. They were wrong. So, she wants to meet the man that God has planned for her destiny, but there’s also a part of her that questions if it will truly ever happen.

    God has given us this innate desire to partner for a reason. The union of marriage has been a part of His plan from the beginning. It teaches us many lessons that aid our relationship with Him. So, we should never feel indifferent to our desires to be married. It is a perfectly natural desire, and our Heavenly Father will take care of it, just as He does every other aspect of our existence. The thing we must be careful about is the tendency to want to rush things. Many single sisters feel a void in their lives because they haven’t yet partnered. When this happens, feelings of loneliness or sadness creep in as well. This can cause a sense of urgency, and many of us become desperate.

    Desperation hinders our desires because it tells a lie about God’s willingness and ability to bless His beloved children. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:8 that our Heavenly Father knows what we have need of before we ask. You and I don’t get to define our needs for God, nor can we dictate to Him how He should fulfill our needs. 2Corinthians 3:5(NKJV), tells us, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God,” He’s our sufficiency. Everything we need flows from Him.

    When we’re desperate, we tend to get in our own way. We don’t always know what to do with the void we feel, so we try to fill it ourselves. Doing this can harm our relationship with God, because He has told us that our lives don’t belong to us; they belong to Him. He commanded us in Romans 12:1 to present our bodies to Him as a living sacrifice that is holy and acceptable to Him. This is the least we can do for all He has done for us.

    To get out of our own way is to put Jesus Christ totally and completely in the driver’s seat. He said in Matthew 16:25-26 (MSG), “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?” We must have a track record of yielding to the Spirit when we feel emotionally taxed or out of whack, so that when we’re married, we won’t lash out at our spouses, or use our emotions as a way of punishing him. Instead, we will constantly go back to God every time and allow Him to lead and guide us through those tough times through His Spirit.

    How many times have I rushed things in my life just to get somewhere quick and in a hurry? How many times have I wanted things to happen in a hurry just to satisfy my own desires? I think this happens to a lot of single Christian women – particularly when it pertains to meeting someone and wanting to get married. We want the man to show up in our lives when we think we’re ready. 1Corinthians 7:17(MSG) instructs, “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.”

    When the single woman realizes this, she will find that she doesn’t have to rush through life or figure things out on her own timing. God wants the absolute best for all of us. He wants the single Christian to have a loving and Godly spouse if that is their desire. But even more so, He has given us the roadmap on how to get there. Get out of your own way and allow the counsel and guidance of God to direct and lead the path in your life. He will take care of your needs and His timing is always perfect.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Get Out of Your Own Way” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Yes, I Called Him First

    Yes, I Called Him First

    The internet has drastically changed many aspects of our lives, but you’d be hard pressed to argue against its monumental impact on dating. Because of the internet, single people have more options today than ever, but more options don’t necessarily translate to making dating easier. While it’s true that the dating pool of potentials is widened by online dating sites, the weeding out process is often complicated and tricky. Profiles paint a picture of what a person wants you to see, and often leave out entirely the stuff you’d run away from if you knew it. So, we’re now at a place where a person is more likely to meet someone through an email than at the grocery store, church, or through friends and family. Therefore, caution and wisdom are indispensable with online dating, because so few people talk about the need to adjust expectations to reality. The real deal is that it may take a long time to find a compatible, quality person that is interested in building a serious relationship—one that will last.

    A little while ago, a good friend went out on her first date with a man she connected with online. They had been conversing a few weeks, and things were going really well, so they finally decided to meet. On the date, she said the conversation between the two of them was even better than their phone calls. He said all the right things. The restaurant was nice, they instantly seemed to hit it off, and my friend felt very optimistic. The entire evening, he was the perfect gentleman, and when she arrived home, she thought surely he would text. He didn’t. No ‘nice to meet you in person’, ‘enjoyed your company’, or ‘let’s do that again.’  She got nothing.

    The next morning, she checked her phone and again, nothing. They had been texting each other ‘good morning’ for a few weeks, so she was very puzzled by this. A few days went by, and still…crickets.

    Meeting someone in person is completely different from reading a profile and seeing a picture online. You get a sense of a person’s energy when you’re in their company, and the chemistry can be completely different than you thought it would be. Sometimes the other person’s agenda isn’t what they’ve represented in a profile. Maybe the man’s intention is purely physical. His bubble is burst when he meets her in person, and she is not someone that is easily manipulated.

    There are people who endure even more hurtful situations from online dating than what my friend has endured. We’ve probably all heard some of the horror stories, and the lesson is that none of us should internalize the rejection and disappointments from this stuff. We should learn that it will forever and always be best to depend on God’s wisdom and guidance with any dating option. He knew about the internet a very long time before any of us had a clue, and He knows how to guide us through the pitfalls.

    As women, we can jump in too soon with our emotions. We become too eager and excited, and we need to be more cautious. Proverbs 19:2(NLT) tells us, “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” In the case of my friend, you might be thinking that perhaps she misread things, and maybe she should be the one to call. My friend considered this herself and decided to do just that. He answered her call and seemed happy to hear her voice. He said he had been thinking of her and was going to call but things got hectic. He promised to call her later that evening, but it’s been a few months, and that was the last time she heard from him.

    We can call it old fashion if we want, but God’s Word and Will is never outdated, and if we don’t follow it, we can’t expect the results it yields. Women and men are not the same. They each have different roles, and Heavenly Father was extremely intentional about this. Proverbs 18:22(NLT) says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” This is God’s standard, and God’s standards never change. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and members of His holy family through the Lord Jesus Christ. He tells us that a virtuous woman is priceless. His expectation is that she will be treated in a way that honors her worth.

    It is in no way about arrogance or egotism. It is about owning your identity as God’s precious daughter. If you know who you are, then you have a right to expect that a man will appreciate your worth. If he is truly seeking a woman of your Godly character and grace, he would be chomping at the bits to be in your company again; because that’s how a man of integrity, substance, and loyalty behaves when he’s in the presence of his queen. A man will always pursue what he wants. If he’s not willing to pursue you, he doesn’t recognize your worth.

    Proverbs 19:3(NLT) tells us, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD.” It is very easy for all of us to be foolish and make a mistake with dating, and there are a variety of ways to do it. But this kind of mistake can turn into a travesty that will ruin our lives if we’re not careful. It can cause us to lose valuable time, stamina, and momentum that should be aimed towards the man who is deserving of all we have to give. So, yes, you may have called him first, but be wise and don’t do it again.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Yes, I Called Him First” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.