Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • The Right Heart Will Put You at the Right Place at the Right Time

    The Right Heart Will Put You at the Right Place at the Right Time

    Luke 19:5-6(NLT)
    “5 When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.” 6 Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. 7 But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.”

    Luke 19 tells us that Zacchaeus was known throughout the region for being the chief tax collector, and he had become a very successful man. He was also a very short man, and in our day, the stigma about short men is common knowledge. Over the years, some in society have viewed shorter men as less strong or powerful, and because of this, some shorter men overcompensate. They feel the need to be over achievers, and overly aggressive or domineering. We don’t know if Zacchaeus felt this way, but we do know from God’s Word that he had earned himself a high rank and was viewed as a person of authority. Zacchaeus was rich, and Jesus Christ talked about how difficult it was for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of heaven. Those with great possession and wealth make a habit of clinging to the entrapment of those things. They value wealth more than they do faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and this way of operating ends in damnation. Zacchaeus stands out because on the day he met Jesus Christ face to face, his short stature meant that he had to do quite a bit of maneuvering. He knew the encounter with Christ would change him forever, and that it would be a treasure more valuable than any in the earth. This record is a profound spiritual lesson for the believer, because it demonstrates the heart that is necessary to abide in the love, power, and faith of Jesus Christ.

    Many single people are wondering why the quest to cross paths with the person that is right for their lives isn’t immediate. They want results on the double and don’t understand why this blessing doesn’t materialize on demand. Sometimes, the delay is due to how a person views the desire for marriage and how they are feeling about it in their hearts. They view it as a necessity, God views it as a reward for being faithful to His purpose. Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes by hearing and perceiving the Word of God. When we break this down a little bit, we understand that faith can either be stagnant or faith can move. God’s Word is the truth. It is the definitive authority on every subject, aspect, and detail of life and living. God’s Word causes faith to come. Many single people don’t know the Word of God as well as they should, and you can’t have faith in something you don’t know or don’t believe. The knowledge of God’s Word that we do not know can cause us to walk around with a stagnant faith.

    Given his short stature, Zacchaeus had a very strong determination, and it demonstrated his faith. To get through a crowd of others that were clamoring for the Master and to be able to climb a tree in hopes of getting a glimpse of Jesus Christ was evidence of how Zacchaeus had prioritized this encounter. He already had great wealth and affluence, yet these things had not fulfilled him. He knew there was more to life and would not let the opportunity to meet Jesus slip by him.

    Every believer that is single and desiring marriage has to ask themselves if they feel this way about an encounter with Jesus Christ. At the time during which Zacchaeus desired to meet Christ, the new birth reality was not yet available. Zacchaeus did not have the Spirit of Christ dwelling within him, yet his desire for Christ far exceeds many of us living today.

    We can’t fake the intentions of our hearts before God. He knows us too well. He knows us through and through, and He is fully aware of our motivations. This is one of the reasons that Zacchaeus received the tremendous blessing of salvation, because his heart was where it needed to be. The people in the crowd grumbled because they didn’t think Zacchaeus deserved to be in the company of the Master, but he had a heart for God, and this is all that mattered. James 2:26 gives us the definitive truth on this. It says, “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.” Zacchaeus didn’t wait to be told how to demonstrate his thankfulness to God. Luke 19:8(NKJV) tells us, “Then Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord, I give half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold.” This man’s deeds—his good works—demonstrated the condition of his heart. He wanted God to be pleased with his life and had done the things required to show it.

    We must be clear that marital partnership isn’t necessary for ambassadorship in Christ, but commitment is. Jesus tells us in Luke 12:48 that to whom much is given, much is required. We must demonstrate our willingness to give our all to God through Jesus Christ. This is the attitude and heart-set that is rewarded. It was Zacchaeus’s heart that moved Jesus Christ to call him down from a sycamore tree. Zacchaeus had the right heart, and because he did, it put him at the right place at the right time. Let his example be your motivation, so that the same can be said of you. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Right Heart Will Put You at the Right Place at the Right Time”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Showing God Your Proof

    Showing God Your Proof

    Ecclesiastes 11:4-5(NLT) tells us, “4 Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. 5 Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.” I’m very partial to these verses. They resonate with me on a personal level. I was raised on a farm in the rural south, and my grandfather was a farmer with lots of land and plenty of farm animals. I know personally that farming is hard work. My grandfather would be up before the chickens. Sometimes during the day, we’d visit him in the chicken houses and play with the baby chicks. He never stopped working, not for rain or bad weather, not for sore muscles and aching bones, and not for the trivial things that impede many of us today. I don’t even think the word ‘perfect’ was in his vocabulary. Whatever degree of perfection existed in his mind came at the price of hard work, and there were no excuses. People often say today that men like my grandfather don’t exist anymore. To some extent that might be true, but it doesn’t take away from the reality that God uses the example of a farmer to paint a very clear picture for us, and as single believers, we can’t afford to miss it.

    My grandfather wasn’t the type of man that waited around for things to happen; farming in his day didn’t allow that luxury. He was up rain or shine, cold or hot. He was planting, sowing, feeding, and picking; and he knew exactly how to perform this work. The thing about a farmer is that he or she `realizes they’re not the ones in charge of the harvest. God is in charge of the harvest. Jesus Christ tells us this in Matthew 9:38. He tells us to pray to Heavenly Father who is in charge of the harvest and ask Him to send more workers into His fields. This gives us all the perspective we need. Humans can’t control the necessary elements and ingredients to produce a harvest. We can’t control the rain or sunshine, nor can we make the soil. All of it was created by our Heavenly Father. Every good farmer knows that the most he or she can do is sow. He or she can plant seeds, pray for the favor of God, and trust Him to do all the rest. That’s an excellent spiritual lesson for the single believer praying for a spouse.

    A man that is a farmer is motivated by many things. He’s motivated by the ability to take care of himself, and most importantly, he’s motivated to make a living to care for his family. No one has to tell him to be up at the crack of dawn. He understands it’s necessary for everything to stay on schedule and for the harvest to come in on time. This is a very key piece of discernment for a woman seeking a Godly man. Some males have no interest in being a provider, but being a provider is the mark of a man. He’s not going out doing just any ol’ thing for coins. A man moves with the confidence and integrity of knowing his identity. He knows that as a provider, he will obtain favor from God for doing what a man is supposed to do.

    Ecclesiastes 11:4-5 is speaking to us about work, waiting, want, and will. Work is the revealer of our faith. No farmer would plant seeds without faith that God will take care of the rest. Many complain that there’s no harvest in their lives or that the harvest they’ve received is not the harvest they expected, but the truth will always take us back to what we’ve planted or if we’ve planted at all. We’ve received our marching orders from our Master, Jesus Christ. The harvest is never the issue. It’s about the laborers. Will we do what God requires? Or will we wait on perfect weather and optimum conditions? With God, there are no excuses. We must be attentive to do what He requires and stop waiting to move into action. We need to get busy sowing the seeds of God’s Word, and Heavenly Father will take care of the rest.

    Life isn’t about what we want for ourselves. It’s about what God wants for us. He reminds us in Ecclesiastes 5:5 that none of us know the path of the wind. Jesus Christ told Nicodemus in John 3:8(NLT), “The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.” We can’t explain the wind, nor do we understand the mysteries of our spiritual rebirth in Christ. We don’t know the intricate details concerning a child growing in its mother’s womb. This is all God’s activity. It’s His creation. We can’t understand it, and we don’t need to. Our responsibility is to trust Him and trust His plan.

    Ecclesiastes 11:6(NLT) tells us, “Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both.” This is God’s Will! Sow your seed! Sow into your family, sow into your friends, sow into yourself, and most importantly, sow into God’s Kingdom. We can’t complain about the harvest when we’ve not done our part and sowed in the way God has commanded. God’s Will is for His people to be overwhelmingly happy and fulfilled, with a supportive spouse that loves them, but we must do our parts. Our seed investment is the revealer of our faith, and the harvest we receive will show exactly what we’ve planted. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Work, Waiting, Want, and Will”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Tell Your Flesh to Stand Down

    Tell Your Flesh to Stand Down

    I watched an interview of an actress promoting her new movie. She had also recently celebrated her first wedding anniversary with her husband. She talked about how supportive her husband has been of her career, and that its one of the reasons she didn’t hesitate to say ‘yes’ when he asked her to marry him. She is awed by his unwavering commitment to his word. “He’s never been inconsistent about his intentions towards me and our relationship, and he honored my commitment to remain celibate while we were dating.” I was blown away to hear this woman’s admission of celibacy. It’s almost unheard of today, especially in the entertainment world.

    They dated for almost a year before he popped the question, and many of us who walk this walk know that it isn’t always easy to be committed to celibacy. This is why the interview struck a chord with me. To be true to a vow of abstinence while also being in a committed relationship, it takes diligence and a determination to honor God above all else. Additionally, both individuals must honor each other. Keeping this vow is a tremendous way to know exactly what kind of person you’re working with. If a person has the ability to remain committed to God’s standards when they are dating you, then there’s a pretty good chance this person will remain committed to the marriage and to you when things get tough.

    Keeping it real, there are going to be many occasions where you must tell your flesh to stand down. Standing down is often used in a military setting. It’s when someone goes off duty or withdraws from a position or state of readiness or alert. Well, the flesh is on duty all the time, and it wants what it believes will bring it the most pleasure. Galatians 5:19-21(NLT) lists the desires of the flesh as “sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” The body is the flesh, and it was not created by God to be the leader of our destinies. The body is God’s temple. It houses God’s Spirit; therefore, we must honor our bodies as the place where God lives.

    The Apostle Paul said in Galatians 2:20(NLT), “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” We can’t live by the mind of the flesh and live by the Spirit at the same time. One of them will win out and we are the ones to choose the winner. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are commanded to walk in the Spirit and not do what our sinful natures crave. We are able to make the right choice because God has empowered us through Christ to stand strong in the power of His might.

    Again, even for Christians, the thought of putting the flesh under subjection is not something that comes easy. I’ve heard many single Christian women make the statement that they don’t think they could ever be successful in remaining celibate during dating. The truth of the matter is that we must always bring everything back to what God says. If you’re not willing to honor what God says from the beginning of your relationship, can you really have faith that it will last? It’s not about what the man will and won’t accept, it’s about whose word you trust the most, the man’s or God’s!

    Proverbs 21:2(NLT) tells us, “People may be right in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their heart.” The Lord tells us that He is a Righteous Judge that gives everyone what they deserve. He looks at our hearts to see if His love is living there, or if idolatry is living there. We always think we know what’s best for us. If there’s a significant person in our lives right now, we may even believe he’s the right fit, but only God knows the truth. Only God knows what the absolute best is, and He looks at our hearts to measure our true intentions. He sees if our desire is to partner in marriage as an effort to honor Him or if we’re only interested in hooking up to satisfy our fleshly desires.

    I’ve had many conversations with single women that have entertained circumstances designed to interrupt God’s plan for their lives. Even if you aren’t aware or paying attention to what’s going on around you, you should pay close attention to what is going on inside your own heart and mind. Sometimes women are not understanding the thoughts and intentions they hold that get in the way of receiving answers to their prayers. They don’t believe change is necessary, but the answer to whether it is or not can only be found in Christ. We need him to tell us what we should and shouldn’t change.  

    Old behaviors, old habit patterns and old ways of thinking keep us from reaching our full potential in the Lord. These things will keep us stagnant, spinning our wheels, and we’ll lose out on God’s blessings if we don’t wake up. Now is the time to seek God through prayer and through studying His Word. This is the way to demonstrate that we’re serious about our commitment to Christ. It is the way to lay out the welcome mat for newness. We should ask the Lord what we need to do differently. We must tell our flesh to stand down so that our spiritual ears are perked up to hear from Him. Then we’ll hear His voice loud and clear. It will give us confidence to know that the man God presents is the treasure we’ve been praying to receive. This man will know in his heart that we are a treasure as well, and there will be no question in his mind that we are well worth the wait. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Tell Your Flesh to Stand Down”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Well Worth the Wait

    Well Worth the Wait

    My children, like most I imagine, are very inquisitive little creatures. No matter where we go, I can always count on this one question, “Where are we going?” They ask it even before they can buckle their seatbelts and then ask it while I’m driving. If they think the destination is close, they’ll ask, “How much longer before we get there?” I get a kick out of this sometimes. I like piquing their curiosity and surprising them with an unexpected destination. Our life’s journey is similar in some ways. A lot of us are asking God these same questions, but unlike our kids, many of us have lost a sense of wonder. We don’t like the unexpected, especially when it comes to waiting on the right person for our lives. We want God to give us all the details of the destination before the journey begins.

    My conversation with a Christian woman the other day made me examine the relationship between our destiny and expectations more carefully. She had many expectations of God, but one of the most puzzling questions on her mind is why she hasn’t met a quality man. She has faith that God answers prayer, and she believes she’ll meet a good man one day, but the ‘when’ weighs heavily on her mind. I understand this because I had been in her shoes at one point in my life—it can feel as though you’re stranded in the Sahara Desert with no rain for years. At least, that’s how I personally felt.

    Our Heavenly Father isn’t governed by our time-clock, thank goodness. His promises are built on HIS perfect timing. Psalm 84:11(NKJV) says, “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Heavenly Father doesn’t withhold blessings. He delights in blessing His people. Each of us has a destiny in His Will and Plan, but sometimes our choices and decisions prolong the time it takes us to reach our destination.

    You may have a full tank of gas in the car but if you don’t turn the key, you won’t move in any direction. The same applies to your life. We have the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So, our spiritual tanks are full, but if you don’t apply God’s Word to your life, you are not turning the key. How far and how long will it take you to reach your destiny if that’s your approach? The answer to this question is that we can’t get anywhere or fulfill our destinies without saturating our hearts with God’s Word. His Word works! This means if you pray for God to bless you to meet a good man, He has already put a plan in motion for your marriage. It means that the door of blessing is right in front of us, but we have a responsibility to turn the key.

    There’s one thing about us human beings that Jesus Christ makes very plain, and it is the reality that we can’t focus on faith and fear at the same time. We can’t focus on having faith in God’s goodness and blessings, and at the same time focus on the fear of being lonely longer than we’d like. To focus on God’s goodness, we must keep our eyes continually on Jesus Christ. In Philippians 3:14(NLT), through the Apostle Paul, God gives us a very important component to moving ahead. He said, “I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” This is a race that God has called us to run, and there are things that we were purposed by Him to do in this race. It is very important for us to seek God and ask Him what He requires.

    When it comes to what God requires of His children, people fall into one of three categories. First, there are those they actually haven’t prayed and haven’t taken the time to ask Him what He requires. Typically, these individuals take their purpose in God’s Plan very lightly, and they may not even believe they have one. So, their vision of who they are in Christ is not on point. They are not walking in their sonship rights and true identity as a joint heir with Christ, because they don’t believe they are. If we believe in something, we will pursue it. So, not pursuing our purpose in the Plan of God is a sure indication that we don’t have faith in it. If we don’t have faith in our purpose in God’s Plan, how can we have faith in His plan for our lives when it comes to marriage?

    Another category is people who have asked God what He requires of them, but they are stuck in neutral, waiting for a big event to take place. They have not demonstrated a full commitment because they become easily distracted and impatient. They stop and start repeatedly, they’re inconsistent with believing God’s Word, and they don’t realize that it’s the choices we make daily to become more like Christ that lead us continually on the path to purpose. In other words, the engine needs to be moving, and we’re are the ones to kick it in high gear. We need to open our eyes to the reality that pressing into God, clinging to His Word, and staying in continual communication with Him through prayer is the way to go. God needs to see this commitment from us.

    The last category is comprised of people that are walking in their purpose within God’s Plan but might be feeling as they are losing momentum and stamina on this journey. You thought things would turn out differently. You thought you would be married, with two kids and a dog by now. But what if God is still training you for what lies ahead in your future? What if you have a few more lessons to learn? Are you going to give up on believing in His Plan for your life? Will you be patient, trust that He knows best, and have faith that He will never let you down?

    Instead of letting your hope dwindle, press your foot to the ground and floor it! Recognize once and for all that you are not in charge of the race, you are responsible for running it. God is going to bless you, but don’t let your motivation and focus be determined by what you desire from Him. Let your heart be filled with the desire to please God. Keep seeking Him and keep asking Him to show you what He requires. Your unwavering commitment to do this demonstrates your love and faith, and at His appointed time, you will receive the blessing you desire. It will be well worth the wait.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Well Worth the Wait”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • On the Minds of Single Believers

    On the Minds of Single Believers

    Getting married is on the minds of many single believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, and we can be crystal clear that God’s promises are a sure thing. Psalm 145:19(NLT) tells us, “He grants the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries for help and rescues them.” This is a tremendous source of encouragement to those of us actively and fervently praying to cross paths with our future spouses. However, we must remember the words of our Master Jesus in Luke 12:48. He tells us that when someone is given much, much will be required of them. From this, we should expect that our efforts to increase our relationship with God must expand as we receive more from Him. Even the way we see God must increase. Psalm 145:19 affirms this. The word ‘fear’ in this verse is a Hebrew word that means to have supreme reverence and awe. So, God grants the desires of those that supremely reverence and honor Him. He hears our prayers and He will rescue us from all hurt, harm, and danger, but our reverence of God is required. Therefore, it is a very worthwhile endeavor for you and me to understand what it means to reverence God, and then we must make sure we’re doing it in a way that pleases Him.

    Having reverence means that we have a deep respect and adoration for someone or something. In Matthew 6:33 and Mark 12:30, Jesus Christ paints a picture of what this deep and abiding reverence looks like. In Mark 12:30, he commands us to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. In Matthew 6:33, he says we must seek God and His righteousness above all other things. From this, we can determine that God requires a firm commitment to honor Him above all others. He can’t be second but must always be first. When God is first in our hearts, love has free reign of the place, because God is love. His love can then begin to impact and affect everything we do. When God doesn’t have first place in our hearts, darkness, disappointment, and despair have free reign.

    Do you believe that God delights in giving blessings to His children? He absolutely does! 2Corinthians 9:7(NIV) says, “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”  God loves a cheerful giver because that’s exactly what He is. He gives cheerfully to us, and it makes Him happy to do so, but we must also understand that an excellent giver gives intelligently. I wouldn’t give a vacuum cleaner to a two-year old, and I wouldn’t choose a baby rattle as a birthday gift for a full-grown man. As thoughtful givers, we give gifts that are appropriate to the person’s ability to manage or use the gift. And we give gifts based on what we perceive as their need for them.

    If you and I do this, imagine how much more thoughtful and careful God is with His gifts and resources. We can see this very evidently in His Word. 1Timothy 2:4 says that God wants all people to be saved and filled with the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ, and He wants them all to come into the knowledge of Christ. But you and I know that all people are not saved. God desires them to be, but it isn’t reality right now. In truth, there are exponentially more people not saved by the blood of the lamb than those that are. Ephesians 2:8 tells us concretely that salvation is a gift of Heavenly Father, but He doesn’t give it to every living person automatically. Jesus Christ warned us that we shouldn’t give pearls to those that have no idea of their value. God wants us to value salvation, to understand what a priceless treasure it is and to desire it for ourselves. He freely gives salvation to us, but we must ask for it with an earnest heart. Asking for the gift with an earnest heart demonstrates that we know its value and will appreciate it. We will be thankful to God for His gifts.

    God is looking to bless a person with a heart that will treasure the value of a spouse, will do what is required to preserve unity and be a good steward of the relationship, and will always keep Him first in their lives. This is a heart that is fully committed. 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT) says, “For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” A heart that is fully committed to God is a heart that reverences and honors Him supremely. This is a person that with strong faith in God and will not be moved by the storms or temptations of life. Heavenly Father can have confidence that this is a person who will value His gifts and look after them appropriately.

    Psalm 37:4-5(NLT) tells us, “Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.” Heavenly Father is faithful to bring His Word to pass in our lives, but we must be obedient to do what He says. A person can refute the connection between backing their faith and receiving their desires all day long, but the reality is that we must seek God first and love Him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength to demonstrate that we are committed to stewarding His blessings. We must back our faith with works that show that we love God because of who He is and not just because of what He can give us. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “On the Minds of Single Believers” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Stay on the Right Track to the Blessing of Marriage

    Stay on the Right Track to the Blessing of Marriage

    When I was in my early twenties, I went out on a date with an officer in the military. He was very handsome, articulate, and tough as nails. We had gone out on a few dates, but one of them sticks out in my mind very vividly. We were out when we bumped into a couple that were friends of mine. I introduced them of course, and we talked a few minutes. They went on their way and a little while later, my date asked me how I knew them. I told him that we had met at a Christian retreat for singles. They ended up getting married a year later. I told him that I admired their commitment to God’s standards while dating. Both were very open and candid about their vow of celibacy during their courtship. After telling him this, my date then opened up a little bit more about his home life. He said that he wasn’t raised in a Christian home, and even as an adult, he struggled with believing in God. He said it was hard for him to understand how others could believe so strongly in a God they can’t see.

    Spiritual maturity has taught me that the times are too urgent, and people are too dark and self-absorbed for us to take any chances with our spiritual walk. Proverbs 4:27(NLT) tells us, “Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” God teaches us not to turn to the left or to the right, but to keep our eyes stayed on Him so that we don’t get sidetracked. If we do in fact get sidetracked, we could take several steps backward or miss the mark altogether when it comes to the blessings we desire most. It’s a tremendously wise strategy to be careful and cautious. It’s the guidance God gives us so we can stay on the path and receive what He has in store for our lives.

    Impatience causes many of us to veer away from the right path. Heavenly Father tells us in Hosea 4:6 that His people are destroyed because they lack knowledge and indeed they reject the very knowledge about Him that will keep them safe, blessed, and prosperous. When your heart is to be married, but you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t of the same heart and mind, it can lead to many challenges. It’s so important to have a strong and made-up mind about knowing how and when to say no if ever you’re in a situation that’s remotely tempting. Why? Because once we pray to receive the blessing of the right person, Heavenly Father begins to help us, and we shouldn’t question this for one second. Our response to Him should be to do whatever we can to partner with His efforts and not work against them.

    1Thessalonians 4:3-6(NLT) tells us, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.” Somehow, we have erroneously believed that our sin does not impede our efforts to move towards our goals, but it does. When we ask Him, God forgives us for all sin, but He does not eradicate the consequences of our sin. Sin requires a price, and the devil will make sure we pay it with the things we desire and hold dear.

    Let’s be smart about the choices we make and learn to perceive God’s directions, so we stay on the right track to the blessing of marriage. Don’t be tricked and think you have time to waste on anyone that is not going to advance you towards God’s Will and Plan for your life. Use your time wisely. Know that studying God’s Word, praying and meditating on His goodness, and growing in the Spirit is helping you in every way. It will pay off with the greatest treasure possible if you remain steadfast and stay the course. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

    “Stay on the Right Track to the Blessing of Marriage” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Journey of Becoming Two

    Several of my friends are single parents and raising children on their own. For some of them, relationships have been a revolving door. Some of those relationships looked promising, as if they were going to end in marriage, but things didn’t work out.  While we don’t talk about it too much, I know that some of my friends no longer want to be carrying the load of life on their shoulders alone. They desire to journey together with someone that is supportive, caring, and dependable—someone that will fit into their children’s lives with grace and respect. My friends, like most of us, want a home filled with the unity of Christ, but how do they get there? How do single parents make the transition from feeling like they’re carrying the load alone to maintaining a relationship that will ultimately lead to a good and stable marriage?

    To be honest, none of us are ever alone. God has brought us this far, and it is because of His goodness, mercy, and grace that we’re here today. Heavenly Father also makes it clear in His Word that marriage is His institution, and He desires everyone who wants to get married to have a good and Godly spouse. Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT) says, “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” This verse affirms the journey of transitioning from one to two. It’s understanding God’s expectation, covering, and wisdom regarding unity. He is the One that has set the standard, not us. When a man and woman are committed to Christ and committed to each other, and they stand back to back, they are poised to conquer. Their allegiance to put Christ at the head of their union makes a triple-braided cord that will withstand enemy attacks.

    The Non-Negotiable Choice

    Heavenly Father wired all of us for happiness. We desire it probably more than anything else, and we understand that relationships with God and relationships with others are direct links to this happiness. It doesn’t take much to understand our desire for marital partnership, because unified connections make life sweeter. God set the precedent for this because it’s what He wants from us, connection! Long before any of us came on the scene, we were in God’s thoughts. He knew about us and predestined our existence according to the good pleasure of His Will and Plan. Even before He created Adam, He knew humanity would need a Redeemer in the person of His only begotten, Jesus Christ. God did all of this why? He did it because He wanted a family. He wanted children, and we are the apple of His eye. He created us because He wanted connection with us, and it makes sense that we would want connections with each other.

    Our desire for a unified family is baked in, and God understands this desire more than anyone. We must let the truth of this marinate in our hearts and minds. Knowing that God desires our dreams of marriage, family, and unity to come true must be the foundation of our believing. Some of us struggle to believe this, and one of the reasons that we struggle with it is because we’ve grown used to trusting our own shoulders. In our gut, many of us think our shoulders have carried the burdens of single parenting alone. This has bred a sort of independence that causes us to make decisions and choices without consulting Heavenly Father and without trusting His guidance.

    The truth is that our shoulders could never have carried all the complexities and burdens that come with being a single parent. It was challenging, but God carried the weight for us. Jesus Christ tells us in John 15:5 that apart from him, we can’t do anything. With some of us, there’s a place in our hearts where we connect personal confidence to the struggles we’ve been through. The rewiring is to connect confidence to faith in God and His grace to bless us to make it, even though we didn’t always put Him first. Sometimes we put the man first, the situation first, our own physical and sexual need first, and we didn’t even think about what God’s Word says.

    Our faith in God and His Word must have first position in our minds and hearts. Our commitment to stand on what God says must be relentless, especially when it comes to bringing someone new around our children. Faith is not negotiable. We must be fully persuaded and sold out to God’s commitment to bless us in the area of family and marriage. A half-hearted conviction will not do. If you believe God’s desire to see you blessed is not greater than your own desire for the same, there is more work to do to increase your faith.

    You are not a martyr, and your sacrifice or struggle is not required for your happiness. Jesus Christ has paid the price in full. Faith is the requirement you must meet. This means your confidence in the plan God has for your life and the lives of your children must be unshakable. He knows the right person; therefore, the choice to leave this totally in His hands is non-negotiable.

    You Determine Your Level of Blessing

    Past relationships can teach us many things, but one of the most important lessons is seeing the mirror they hold up regarding our faith. They reveal what was most important to us and they show us how much of God’s wisdom we employed. We should learn from them that building a relationship on the foundation of Jesus Christ is the only way to have confidence that it will continue. You and I can only be blessed to the level that we believe and trust in God’s Word.

    Hebrews 6:1(NLT) tells us, “So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don’t need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deeds and placing our faith in God.” Transitioning from single to married requires us to stop going back to old habits and making the same relationship mistakes. As single parents, we should be way past the elementary stage of believing and faith, because we have seen God do so much for us and our children. The greater blessing will require a greater commitment to God and His Word. This is what spiritual maturity is all about. It’s growing in Christ so that we can have his unity and peace in our families and in the marriage that we are believing God to make a reality.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Journey of Becoming Two” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Words I Speak Tell My Story

    The Words I Speak Tell My Story

    Researchers say that a person can speak several thousand words in an hour, so you can imagine how many words the average person can speak within a day or a week. If you think this is a lot, it’s generally assumed that women speak twice as many words a day than men. Whether it’s because women have way more to say or we have a little more to learn about the art of listening, there can be no doubt that many of us are effective communicators. We’re pretty good with expressing ourselves with words, but we also understand that communication isn’t just about talking. There are other cues and subtle ways to communicate, and intuitively, we’ve mastered reading between the lines. So, with all our finesse in the communication arena, why is it that more of us haven’t learned the secret to moving a situation from desperate to blissful using the power of our tongues?

    James 3:3-6(MSG) takes us to school. It says, “A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

    A small bit in the horse’s mouth directs his whole body. This little bit makes all the difference! It’s the same thing with a small rudder on a ship. It steers the whole ship and keeps it on a straight course even when there’s a fierce storm with strong winds. This lets us know under no uncertain terms, that something we think is small and insignificant can have a gigantic effect. God is teaching us this because many of us have missed the small details, and overlooking these details is having a huge impact on our lives.

    We want God to bless us in certain areas, and when the blessing doesn’t manifest how, where, and when we expect, we complain that God has not heard us or isn’t answering us. He’s communicating, but with us, that whole listening thing comes into play. We’re not paying attention to what He’s conveying and what He’s doing. We might be expecting Heavenly Father to use words, when He’s communicating another way. He might be communicating through our circumstances, telling us that we’re repeating old habit patterns, and self-sabotaging our progression forward. We fail to see the importance of what He’s teaching us through our situations and circumstances. We don’t appreciate the power He’s given us to make a change in our behavior, and we won’t be committed to use this power the way He has ordained. And because we’re overlooking what He’s conveying, we’re not learning the very lesson that will position us for the blessing we desire most.

    God’s Word tells us that He’s a God of order, and this means that we won’t get to graduate if we haven’t learned the lesson. I used to say that I could write a book on what I’ve experienced in my short amount of time on this earth. Would the words I’ve spoken thus far author a book that I’d like? Would the title define the person I want to be? I might think so, but what about those for whom my words have influenced and impacted? You see, we really have no excuse because God has already told us the tool of our power. Jesus Christ taught us how to build a life with our words. He told us to do what he did when he walked the earth, which is to walk, talk, and live by God’s Word.

    James 3:3-6 reminds us that it only takes a spark to burn down an entire forest. It only takes one accusing, venomous word from our lips to tear someone’s heart to pieces. If you or I have this in us, and we won’t check ourselves; if we have a heart this very moment that will go there, then we could potentially ruin the blessing God wants to give us. Heavenly Father is looking for obedience in us, so that He can trust us to build a foundation strong enough for a healthy relationship to grow and thrive. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that God is a Rewarder, but He rewards those that DILIGENTLY seek Him. As He examines the motives of our hearts, He’s looking to see if we’re diligent to use this awesome power He’s placed in our tongues to build up or tear down.

    God tells us in Proverbs 18:21(NKJV), “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.” The secret to moving a situation from desperate to blissful is being ever so careful to examine the words we speak. What we communicate has lasting effects, and our tongues are powerful and sharp tools. Through them we can turn harmony to chaos, or we can turn chaos to harmony; it’s up to us! Let’s be committed to speak words that will tell a story of the love of Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father will be pleased with us if we do this. It will prove that we’ve heard His command and have humbled ourselves to obey it and be rewarded.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    “The Words I Speak Tell My Story” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • You Don’t Know Your Heart as Well as You Think

    You Don’t Know Your Heart as Well as You Think

    If you’re single, there are bound to be days when being without a mate seems overwhelming. Most of the time, it doesn’t bother you all that much, at least that’s what you tell yourself. But there may be moments when being without the companionship of a significant and special person in your life just breaks your heart. Heavenly Father doesn’t want anyone to be in pain, that’s why He sent his Son. 1Peter 2:24(NLT) tells us, “He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed.” This healing includes the feelings of hurtful disappointment, loneliness, and heartbreak. Our blessed Lord took it all to the cross with him, and because of his sacrifice, we have victory over this pain. For many of us, the work that needs to be done is to accept what Jesus Christ has accomplished. This is the piece that causes us to see his victory manifested in the relationship we’ve been praying to receive.

    Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NIV) tells us, “But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” God’s goal is for us to bear fruit, the kind of fruit that remains and never spoils. Think about this, and you’ll see that God is interested in you bearing the fruit of marriage, and He also wants this marriage to last. He doesn’t want to see you or your spouse wavering in your commitment to one another or causing each other to resent and be bitter towards the other. No. God is not in the business of helping us to harm someone’s well-being, just as He doesn’t want someone causing harm to our well-being. He wants our faith to be at a level where we are prepared to weather any storm through the love of Christ.

    Loneliness doesn’t feel good at all, and you must know in the deepest part of your heart that God doesn’t want you to be lonely. You must also come to the realization that your spiritual growth in Jesus Christ is God’s top priority; it’s what He wants most. When we understand this clearly, the question then becomes what area in our walks with Christ requires more spiritual growth and development. The answer isn’t always apparent to us, and that is why we need to pursue God’s wisdom and guidance, and to allow the Holy Spirit to teach us.

    Heavenly Father doesn’t leave us suspended in a state of unawareness and lack when our desire is to please Him and to know more about His love. He tells us in Hosea 4:6 that His people are destroyed because they lack knowledge, because in fact, they reject knowledge about Him; and a curse comes not only on them because of the refusal to seek His wisdom, but on their children as well. In Proverbs 4:7, He reminds us that wisdom is the principal thing. We need to obtain it, and we also need to make sure we understand how to apply His wisdom. James 1:5(NLT) tells us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” How can we have faith that God will bless us with a good and Godly marital partner, and we don’t even trust that He will give us Godly wisdom that will help us achieve that goal?

    Some of us have thought patterns and negative attitudes that undermine our faith every time. We don’t see the best in God, and therefore, we don’t believe He wants the best for us. How do we view sin? Do we give ourselves permission to do what God has told us not to do? The answers to these questions are very telling, because our actions tell the story about what we believe. God has told us that if we believe His Word, we will trust it and be obedient to it. If there is an area of our lives where we haven’t put God’s Word in motion, but instead, we’re sticking to how we’ve always believed or what we want to do, our faith is not activated.

    Most of us think we know our hearts pretty well, but God knows them better than we ever could. This is a lesson for the ages: God knows our hearts. The reason it is so monumentally important for many single women to trust this wholeheartedly is because they unconsciously think they know more than God. They have felt as if they’ve had to shoulder many burdens alone. When there’s one person instead of two forging his or her way through life, a certain independence develops. Many single sisters carry this independence into their relationships with Heavenly Father. The problem with this is that God demands a child-like faith. But we think we’ve earned the right to call a spade a ‘spade’. We think we know stuff, and we become unteachable. This blocks our faith.

    So, we come to God and say, “Oh God, my heart is broken from loneliness. I want a man!” This is a position and posture many of us own, and we do so lock, stock, and barrel. We come to Him telling the Creator of the entire universe that our tank is empty, when He has already filled it to overflowing through Christ. Many of us have not once entertained the truth that when you believe your tank is empty, it isn’t possible for another human being to fill it. The problem isn’t an empty tank, but wrong thinking.  Our minds are not renewed to the reality of what we have been given. Because of the feeling of loneliness, we might begin to see ourselves as a victim rather than a victor. We must change this.

    It never occurs to many of us to come to God with an attitude that conveys we know who He is, and we know that through Christ we have all we need. Many of us have never said, “Heavenly Father, You gave Your only begotten Son for my sins. He died on the cross, his body was beaten beyond what I could imagine. He was wounded for my transgressions, bruised for my inquities, and with his wounds, I am healed from any lack, loneliness, sickness, or disease! Help me Father to increase my faith so that I walk in the healing that Your Son paid for with His life.”

    This is the truth! It’s what God’s Word says in Isaiah 53:5. Heavenly Father loves to see a mirror reflection of His glory in us. He loves it when we mirror His truth through our faith and confess it back to Him. God knows your heart better than you know it, and He wants to lift you higher and fulfill your desires. Let your confessions line up with God’s Word. Don’t let doubt and unbelief mold you into a person with patterns that undermine your spiritual growth. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind, and God will partner with your faith as you prove that He is good, perfect, and always willing to bless you. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “You Don’t Know Your Heart as Well as You Think”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • God Will Help You Overcome the Challenges of Being Single

    God Will Help You Overcome the Challenges of Being Single

    I read a study this week that said that single people between the ages of 21-34 are still struggling to find what they consider a compatible partner. For many of them, living together is a more common option than marriage and it’s becoming increasingly prevalent. These studies suggest that those women who do marry typically find their marital partners at the age of 25, and men around the age of 28. These are moving targets of course, particularly with the climbing divorce rates, which might mean that some of these young marriages are not lasting long. Finding love seems to get harder for those that are older and single. It’s common for many older men to prefer a living-together arrangement, and most older women prefer marriage. As you can see, the statistics don’t paint the rosiest of pictures, but this is often the case when faith in God’s provision is left out of the equation.

    Not only have many people conveniently forgotten God’s standard when it comes to marriage, but it appears they’ve decided that He needs some help in this area. And we know that’s not the case. So, in the interest of addressing some of the attitudes and opinions about how God’s Word applies to modern relationships, I decided to bring this up as I conversed with a group of Christian sisters who were willing to share their opinions. One of them believed that many singles today are very career-minded and desire to focus on establishing themselves financially before thinking about a spouse. Someone added that this is also a time when people opt for physical connections without any commitment ties.

    Some, but not all, of the women I spoke to that are believers were committed to God’s Word and only want to be with the man that God has ordained for their lives. Others were candid about the complexity of maintaining the relationships they’re in and trying to do it without physical intimacy. They feel guilty, but don’t want to be without the companionship of the person they care about; so, they have given in to temptation, and feel it helps to preserve the relationship despite what God’s Word says.

    We can’t be surprised that some of our greatest temptations will show up in our significant relationships, because the devil wants us to be one of the negative statistics; and he wants us to make choices that prioritize other people and things over God. This grieves the Holy Spirit, and in the long run, it will devastate our lives.

    A temptation is a presentation of a choice. God taught us this in Genesis. Adam and Eve were presented with a tempting choice by the devil. They didn’t have to disobey God, but they did it because they chose to believe the devil’s word over God’s Word. This behavior is rampant in the world we live in, even among believers. We are still tempted by the devil to make decisions that signify we believe the opposite of what God’s Word tells us. No, we’re not perfect. We’re going to make mistakes. We make poor choices and bad decisions sometimes, but Heavenly Father wants us to stop and think about what we’re doing. He wants us to make the process of “think before you act” a habit, so we don’t ruin the future that He desires to give us.

    We make hundreds of decisions any given day. Some of great significance and some not so much. But when it comes to partnership and joining ourselves to another intimately, that’s a very significant decision, and it has a very significant impact on our lives. It is most certainly the truth that God will forgive us for all our sins. 1John 1:9(NLT) tells us, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” God throws our sins as far as the east is from the west, and He remembers them no more. But here’s the thing we’ve got to know, His forgiveness does not mean there will not be consequences for our poor choices and bad decisions. For every action there will be a reaction. That is law, and we cannot change it.

    One of the reasons that the statistics for singles are troubling is because of the consequences for ignoring God’s Word and not obeying it. Our Heavenly Father cares about us and He cares about our happiness. He knows the challenges we face when it comes to patiently waiting for the right person, but we can’t think that our way is better for us than God’s way. Through Jesus Christ, God has given us a way to overcome the challenges of being single. In John 14:6(KJV), Jesus Christ said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” He’s the pathway to the Father. All the spiritual blessings of peace, joy, unity, love, and righteousness come through him.

    Whether or not we believe this, and the extent to which we believe it, will always be tested by the devil. Many of us have terrific lip service. We praise, we sing, we confess, but in our hearts, do we believe that God’s truth will set us free? Do we believe that following God’s Word will bring us the life we desire? If we believe it, our actions will back-up our beliefs. If we don’t believe it, we will follow our own way instead of following God’s way.

    Each of us has choices. What path are we going to walk? Because we can’t walk a different path from the one Jesus Christ made available and expect to receive what’s on his path. Understand that the choices you make now are building your tomorrow and your future. In Matthew 4:4(NKJV), Jesus Christ was tempted by the devil in the wilderness, and he faced each temptation and overcame it by telling the devil, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’” Living God’s Word and obeying it gives us access to God’s rewards, because His Word is life to us, and we are always and forever better off when we trust and obey God’s Word.

    Heavenly Father has more concern for our care than we do. In turn, He asks us to be more concerned about His Will than we do about anything else. He is our sufficiency. He will take care of all our needs.

    Jesus Christ provided a way for us to get out of sin so we can escape the consequences of it. He paid the ultimate price of dying on the cross for our transgressions. When we know this in the deepest part of our hearts, we will know that steering clear of sin is the way to win and not lose. Losing is falling for the devil’s tricks and temptations. Think about your decisions and choices long and hard. Always pray to God and ask for direction. Be confident that if you follow the pathway that Jesus Christ has given us, it will lead you to a marriage of peace, joy, unity, longevity, and love. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “God Will Help You Overcome the Challenges of Being Single”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.