Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • Is It Worth It to Step Away from God’s Standard?

    Is It Worth It to Step Away from God’s Standard?

    Heavenly Father first introduces us to the knowledge about the part of our souls called the ‘will’ in Genesis 1:27(NLT). This verse informs us, “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” We are created in God’s image. This means that we have an aspect of independence that allows us to make our own choices and decisions. Heavenly Father hopes that we will study His Word so it can guide us to make the very best choices and decisions. His Word will tell us about His expectations and commandments. It will tell us how we should act, think, feel, and speak. God hopes we will use our human-wills to partner with His Will, but often our wills fight against the very nature of God. This is the major problem we encounter in our desire for marriage, because what we think we want is often fighting against what God knows we need.

    We live in a society that is getting further away from God’s standard. Many millennials believe His standard is outdated and that the Bible is not relevant to modern existence. Although this line of thinking is incredibly dangerous and dark, as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ who honor God, we need not worry. Proverbs 19:21(NLT) brings every attempt to subvert God’s Word to a screeching halt. It says, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.”

    God tells us in Malachi 3:6(NLT), “I am the LORD, and I do not change.” Our Heavenly Father is brilliantly magnificent in every way imaginable. He is glorious beyond glory, intelligent beyond intelligence, and beautiful beyond beauty. He is Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and everywhere present. He doesn’t need anything more to be who He is. Everything, and I do mean everything, exists solely for His pleasure. Hebrews 13:8(NLT) declares, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” So, God’s Word will never change. It is life to the hearer and doer of it, and its standard will forever be the judge of whether a life is lived poorly or well.

    When it comes to our wills and the way we want to live our lives, even some believers will ignore what God has commanded, and then expect Him to be okay with it. This is never more true than in the area of physical intimacy. Some Christian women believe that God is okay with it being a matter of personal choice regarding whether to entertain sexual sin or not. 1Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT) has an altogether different approach to this matter. It tells us, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” Heavenly Father is looking for His daughters to rise up and make the choice to honor Him with their temples. He doesn’t want them to allow anyone or anything to come between them and living righteously for their King. He wants us to have the kind of mind-set that no matter what temptation the devil throws our way, we will keep our bodies as the holy temple God has commanded them to be.

    The first sentence in 1Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT) asks the question, “Don’t you realize…” It is asked rhetorically, with the expectation that this knowledge is Basics-101 in the beginner’s manual of spiritual maturity. It is asked to produce an effect, not necessarily an answer. It should resonate with every single woman out there who desires to partner up with a good man, because its wisdom reverses the curse of not receiving the blessing we desire most.

    The Word of God teaches us how to live so that we keep His blessings flowing our way. Over time, I’ve had many conversations with single women that have entertained circumstances designed to interrupt God’s plan for their lives. Instead of fighting to honor God’s Word, they fight to keep the man satisfied by giving him their bodies. Not one second will they stop to consider that their bodies belong to God. Many of them never repent of this sin. Even if you aren’t aware or paying attention to what’s going on around you, you should pay close attention to what is going on inside of you. Your body is the temple of God; it’s where His Spirit lives. Surely, we cannot defile the temple, and then think those actions will be rewarded.

    It is never worth it to step away from God’s standard. We must fight is to keep our minds and hearts anchored in the blessings that honoring His standards through obedience will bring. God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a plan for our lives, and it is to give us a future and a hope in Jesus Christ, our Lord. God’s plan will prevail, it’s the plan that yields success and our very best well-being.

    We can come up with all kinds of rationales and excuses for why we’re not getting closer to the treasures God has in store for us. Some of us even blame Him for not moving on our behaves. But the bottom line is that God always and forever knows what is best for us, and He will always hold us accountable for upholding His standard.

    And the reality is that until we stop doing the things that hold us back and begin to do the things that propel us forward, we are not going to progress to a level that will be satisfactory to our hearts. Every ounce of our faith, believing, and being must be saturated in the truth that God has the best plan for our lives, and it is our utter and complete responsibility to align ourselves with it. Our bodies are the temple of God’s Holy Spirit, and we must not only recognize this, but we must honor it with all that we are. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Is It Worth It to Step Away from God’s Standard?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Should You Pursue A Man?

    Should You Pursue A Man?

    Whether or not a woman should pursue a man is a question that many women have been asking a long time. I’ve had this conversation with a few of my friends, and one of them was very adamant about her approach. She was divorced a few years ago and has loved being single. Admittedly, she’d like to marry again one day, but until it happens, she believes a woman has the responsibility of making things happen for herself. Known for her brazenness, it was no surprise to hear her say that she’s not one to wait on the man to make the first move. She said, “God gave you the ability to know what fits your needs, so if you see something you like, go for it.”

    There are really two important troubled spots that we want to avoid in relationships with the significant people in our lives. One of them is heartache, and the other is a collision that lands you outside of God’s Will for your life. Both can send you catastrophically down the wrong path, where you could potentially spend the rest of your life paying for mistakes that could have been avoided.

    Romans 8:29-30(NLT) says, “29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.” Look at God’s thoughts about us, and the wonderful plan He laid out for our lives. Long before we were born, He already knew all there is to know about us. We didn’t choose Him first, He chose us first, and He called us to come to Him. God didn’t leave our destinies to chance. He launched them further back in time than we can imagine. This is the framework that He has ordained for how we should approach our life’s journey. Everything about our lives should line up with His plan.

    God has been gracious beyond what any of us could ever deserve, and He’s given us many blessings, but He didn’t give us the faith of Jesus Christ to promote our own agendas. He gave it to us to promote His agenda. Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes by hearing the Word of God. So, if we leave our destinies up to our own ability to know what fits our needs, we could end up in a destination that takes us outside of God’s Word. That’s a dangerous place to be.

    Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:8(NLT), “For your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!” There are two very important keys in the truth Jesus Christ teaches us in Matthew 6:8, and we can never afford to forget them. Number one, our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need, and number two, He’s the One to ask when it comes to fulfilling every need that we perceive. We don’t just run off trying to fulfill them ourselves. The Apostle Paul said in 2Corinthians 3:5(NLT), “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.”

    God’s Word is not old fashioned. It’s life! Thank Heavenly Father for His Word and the order He has given us so we can live an abundant life. Partnering is too important to leave to chance. Someone who looks right might be the biggest trick of the devil we could imagine; they could wreak total havoc on our lives. Pursuing a man just because he seems right, without having direction from God, might be society’s preferred way, but it can never be the way for a follower of Jesus Christ. We must always remember that when it comes to dating, there’s only one rule book and only one right way, it’s the Word of God. Pursue the Word, and the right man will pursue you.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “Should You Pursue A Man?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • When Impressing God Is Your Number One Goal

    When Impressing God Is Your Number One Goal

    Walking away from a relationship can be one of the most emotionally challenging things for a person to go through. Any sister in Christ that has waited a long time to meet someone she believes is compatible knows firsthand how emotional the wait can be. It can give your faith a workout. There are times when you feel upbeat and optimistic, then, there are other times when it feels like you’re just not going to meet the right person. It can be a roller-coaster, one that you can’t wait to get off. So, when you do finally meet someone, and you think things might work out, it can be devastating when it doesn’t. The last thing you want to do is think about drudging through that desert place again.

    It is crucial that we remind ourselves constantly that God is faithful. He never slumbers or sleeps, and no detail about our lives escapes Him. We must never forget that God knows the person that is going to be a great blessing to our lives, and this is the person for which we, too, will be the greatest blessing. But God also knows our hearts. He knows our motives and intentions, and He knows whether or not we are spiritually prepared to be the kind of blessing He wants us to be.

    Yes, it is devastating when we recognize we have to let someone go, and it can be even more hurtful when they decide to let us go. In either case, you have to see heartbreak as a conduit to a more compassionate, thoughtful, and spiritually mature you. We can never escape the reality of our call to pray and touch the lives of others through intercession. We have to ask God if we have fulfilled this call to His satisfaction.

    A Godly sorrow is something that no believer can fake. It is when sorrow goes so deep within you that your soul is moved beyond your understanding. It is the place where we feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and it is also the place where we learn to pull strength, abiding love, and caring support for God’s people. It’s this deep place that extends to us the capacity to pray earnestly for the pain that others are going through. Some of us have not learned to do this. We can do it for ourselves, but we haven’t yet cultivated that space where we are touching God’s heart with prayer for someone other than ourselves, someone we may not even know.

    We have to think about things like this, so that we learn the lesson of our heartbreak. And make no mistake, there is very definitely a lesson and we should do all we can to learn it. Why is learning this lesson so monumentally important to your preparation towards meeting and marrying the right person for you? Well, it’s so important because Heavenly Father wants you to know a little something about the depth of the heart. None of us can fully know what is in another person’s heart or what their motives are for doing what they do, but you can have some idea about it. When you have some idea about the heart, and how earnest prayer can transform it, you can be trusted with information that only the Spirit can provide.

    We must be clear, if we do not begin to love and pray out of that deep well where our hearts were once broken; if we do not let the love of God minister to that broken place; if we do not then begin to minister out of that deep place ourselves, we won’t recognize a man that is living from that deep place as well. He will walk right on by us, and we will walk by him, and no connection can be made. This is the man we have prayed to partner with, and this is the kind of faithful man the Lord wants to present to us. This man has the capacity to love his wife as Jesus Christ loves the church and gave his life for her. God will not go beneath His standard. He calls upon us to rise up to it, so we can meet Him in the place of His blessing.

    God is impressed by what we do to grow spiritually. He’s impressed by how we deal with the heartbreak and the strength and wisdom we glean from it. We cannot overlook the things that mean so much to God. He knows how to bless us. He said in Isaiah 45:3(NLT), “And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness—secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.” Our Heavenly Father knows where the treasures are. Treasures are His business, but we cannot get them by trying to impress other people. When we impress God with a heart that is sold-out for Him, when we make this our number one goal, He will release the treasure. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “When Impressing God Is Your Number One Goal”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • God’s Love Is the Glue for Marriage

    God’s Love Is the Glue for Marriage

    There are many single believers in Christ that have been searching a long time for something that will help them in their quest for marriage. It’s a worthwhile endeavor, because Jesus Christ said in Matthew 7:7(NLT), “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Our Heavenly Father has made it very clear to us that we must seek Him first, and we must seek Him diligently. And this diligence requires our persistence, but many Christian singles believe they’ve been very persistent in their prayers about marriage, and they are wondering when it is going to yield results.

    When we’ve prayed for something a very long time and there isn’t the movement in our circumstances that we expect, people will sometimes tell us that our faith is the issue. They say we don’t have enough of it. Well, the Lord Jesus Christ tells us that all it takes is a mustard seed’s worth to move a mountain, so we can know definitively that he doesn’t have a problem with doling out all the faith we need. He has it in unlimited supply; therefore, most of us have enough faith to accomplish whatever it is that God desires us to do. So, when it comes to the faith we already have, God’s Word tells us that what’s very important to God is how this faith gets expressed.

    To express something is to somehow take that which has unexposed potential and expose it. We live in an environment today where people are expressing a whole lot of emotions and sides of themselves, but some of this is better left unexposed. These expressions may have potential, but not the kind that benefits God’s purpose. As believers, we ought to be chiefly interested in the things in which God’s Kingdom gets the glory, and He tells us in Galatians 5:6 that what’s major in His book is that our faith gets expressed through His love.

    Sometimes our definition of love and God’s love are out of sync. Our born-again reality means that we can love others and ourselves through Christ, but it is very possible that God wants to see us walking in His love more fully. Some of our relationships of the past ended in heartache. As uncomfortable as it can be, we need to examine how we could have handled things differently. Relationships don’t make it for lots of reasons. Sometimes it is because the person was not meant to journey with us any further, and sometimes it is because there was some aspect of God’s love that we hadn’t yet figured out how to demonstrate. If this is the case, if there are aspects of God’s love that are necessary for marriage and we haven’t yet put these yummies in our hearts, then this must be corrected through repentance and by renewing our minds.

    1Corinthians 13:1-7(NLT) gives us God’s expectation for how love should operate. This passage tells us: 1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

    4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

    You and I may have love for someone, but if this love isn’t wrapped in God’s standard, and if we have not renewed our minds to it, 1Corinthians 13:3 tells us that we will not gain anything. 1John 4:8 affirms that God is love. It isn’t just what He does, it’s who He is. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, love must be who we are. God demonstrates for us that love is more than an emotion, it’s a commitment. It is action in the highest sense of the word. You and I are not in a position to dictate how love is defined or how it should look; God has already done this. Love is His standard, and because it is the glue that holds relationships together, God holds us responsible for demonstrating that we are committed to love someone with the love of Christ.

    If we have the notion in our heads that love is based on feelings, we will be in and out of love all the time. We will leave a marriage based on whether or not we feel loved by the other person. We will hold them responsible for making us happy and not take responsibility for failing to put on the joy of the Lord in our own hearts. So, as single believers, we will have to move past allowing feelings to lead our hearts, instead we must let the Lord do this. Because in this most important aspect of our lives as it pertains to marriage, we must lean on God and not on our own understanding. Now is the time to make this a habit pattern so that we are anchored in the love of God, because His love must be the foundation upon which our future marriage will rest. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “God’s Love Is the Glue for Marriage” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • He Showed Up and Showed Out!

    He Showed Up and Showed Out!

    Some of us are facing challenges that we’ve never faced before. These are unprecedented times, and we want God to perform the miraculous in a way that we’ve never witnessed. If you’re like me, in the past, you might have heard your mother and grandmother talk about how God showed up and showed out on their behalves. In our younger days, we might not have understood what they meant. Back then, we didn’t quite grasp the impact that God’s grace and power made in their lives, but our current circumstances have made the impact of His grace and power crystal clear to us. Life hasn’t been easy, and with everything the enemy has thrown at us, there’s no way we would have made it this far without God. He’s kept us, walked with us through the storm and brought us out of it. Now is not a time for fear and trembling. It’s a time to show God that we know who He is and what He can do. Now more than ever, we must trust Heavenly Father with our whole hearts.

    The Christian walk is filled with many obstacles and challenges, and our Lord and Savior never hid this from us. He told the disciples in John 15:19(NLT), “The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.” There is nothing more rewarding and exquisite than living for God through the Lord Jesus Christ, but make no mistake, there is a cost. Trials and tribulations come with the choice to serve our Lord and Savior.  With those challenges will also come great victory and triumph as we travail over life’s difficulties through faith in God.

    There’s something we learn about God as we go through the storms of life, and we would not learn these spiritual lessons otherwise. In Colossians 1:11(NLT), the Apostle Paul communicates his prayer for the faithful in Christ in the city of Colosse. This prayer is necessary for all of us to continue growing in the example of Christ. He said, “We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.” This is such an important prayer because we desperately need endurance and patience. They build trust in our relationship with Heavenly Father, and they are necessary to accomplish the goals He has for us.

    Being single year after year, going through the pain of a divorce, or dealing with other of life’s hiccups and missteps all require a certain strength and courage. The point that must be impressed on your heart is that with each trial or tribulation you go through, God is with you. He told His people in Deuteronomy 31:6(NLT), “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” In Joshua 1:9(NLT), He said to His people, “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” God’s people living in Old Testament times were servants, but those of us living after the resurrection of Christ are God’s children. So, beyond a shadow of doubt, we are covered under God’s protection and care. He will never leave or forsake us.

    God has a very loving way of teaching us the spiritual lessons of love. He doesn’t force us to learn them, but He walks with us at our own pace. The process of preparation when it comes to marriage is no different. There are some lessons we need to learn, and our patience is not long when it comes to this. We want to be married yesterday, but if we move too quickly, and get ahead of the Holy Spirit, we will end up being disappointed and perhaps devastated by the outcome. No matter the problem or issue, God will always show up and show out in our circumstances. He walks with us, and His ultimate goal is always to see us blessed and thriving in Christ. We are living in turbulent times, but God has not changed nor will He. He is faithful to bless us, so let’s have confidence in Him and trust that He will restore, heal, deliver, and promote us if we remain patient and endure. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “He Showed Up and Showed Out!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • The Right King for You

    The Right King for You

    God’s Word tells us in 1Corinthians 14:33 that He is a God of order. The definition of this word ‘order’ points us in the direction of other words we know so well, like organization, arrangement, and structure. Because of God’s Word, we can now see clearly that everything He does is systematic and efficient. He arranges things in such a way that He never has to do a do-over, a back-track, or a take-back. This information is so crucial because it helps to provide the framework for how we approach God in prayer, particularly if we’re praying to cross paths with Mr. Right. If you’ve been praying about your desire to be married for quite some time, the framework for understanding the orderly way that God does things may help you considerably.

    1Samuel 16 gives us just the perspective we need. It tells us the communication between God and His prophet, Samuel. It took place during the reign of King Saul, who was the first king of the children of Israel. Saul had all the trappings. He was handsome as all get-out, virile and strong, and the people loved him because in their minds, he fit the bill for how a king should look and act. But Saul only looked the part. He wasn’t a good fit. Time and time again, God gave him opportunities to straighten up his act and be obedient, but his arrogance got in the way. Saul’s heart was far from God, and he was determined to do things his own way.

    God told his prophet, Samuel, that Saul had to go, and Samuel was very disappointed about this. He loved Saul and was upset that God had chosen someone else to be king. If we’re being honest, many of us have been in Samuel’s shoes. We took it upon ourselves to find ourselves a king, and although he looked the part, he was not ready for the responsibility and privilege of caring for our hearts because he didn’t honor God. He was not the one. And rather than repenting for not consulting and listening to Heavenly Father in our decision making, some of us prayed to God to make this misplaced-king act right, or we asked God to change his heart.

    Heavenly Father will never overstep someone’s free-will. This is something we must know so that we do not pray for things that are outside of God’s Will and Word. We can pray until the cows come home, but God will not change someone’s heart towards us. This is made abundantly clear in the record of King Saul. God loved Saul more than anyone, including Samuel, but Heavenly Father would not change Saul’s heart. God would not make him act right, because again, doing something like this would violate His laws, and God will never overstep His Word. Instead, Heavenly Father chose someone to be king that had a heart that was tender towards Him. It was David, a ruddy-faced boy who loved shepherding and being out in nature. Samuel, the prophet, thought God was going to choose one of David’s brothers, because again Samuel was impressed with appearance and height. The Father told him in 1Samuel 16:7(NLT), “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

    As single women, we have to ask ourselves if we’re searching for someone that looks the part, or do we want the king that God has chosen for us? Left to our own devices, many of us have chosen someone who looks the part but has a heart that is far from God. This often leads to disaster. Some of us do this because we don’t believe God will present us with someone that is all we need them to be. In reality, the scriptures are full of accounts where God does the exceedingly abundantly and exceeds expectations. He has many men that are talented, courageous, intelligent, attractive, and the favor of God is upon them. There is no shortage of good men, but there is in fact a shortage of women that are willing to be patient and obedient as God teaches them to align with His purpose and order.

    Humility and honor before God means that we must get rid of our resistance to change. God desires us to be happy and to have a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, but the more than abundant life can only be lived through Jesus Christ. He is the way to it. So, we must change the way we’ve done things in the past. We must be guided by the Spirit of Christ on the journey to acquiring what we want most in life, because this is God’s order. Psalm 37:23(NLT) says, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” Let the Lord delight in the details of your life by submitting your quest for marriage to Him and trusting that He will present the right king for you.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “The Right King for You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Welcome to Your Virtual Internal Tour

    Welcome to Your Virtual Internal Tour

    If you’ve ever planned a vacation or looked for a house in another state, you’re probably familiar with the term ‘virtual tour’. It’s images or video that provide a 360° panoramic view of a property or location. You can even zoom-in for a closer look at many of the details. Some of these virtual tours are so realistic that it’s almost like being there in person, but not quite. As you zoom in and zoom out, you get a visual that helps you plan for reality. We do this because a virtual tour provides information that is very helpful to our decision-making process. If the tour is an honest presentation of reality, it can be a great tool to help make a worthwhile investment, but there are no guarantees. Just like people, there are always things going on internally that no amount of surface viewing is going to pick up.

    Pain is a terrific motivator. It should motivate us to want to avoid as much of it as possible. Not only can it begin a cycle that lasts a very long time, needless pain robs us of the resources of time and energy. We need to focus our resources on the blessing with our name on it rather than depleting our reservoirs on someone that was never meant for us. Heavenly Father wants us to be wise. He tells us in Proverbs 4:7 that wisdom is the principal thing; it’s number one when it comes to all that we need to live a successful existence. God also tells us to develop good judgment and insight, so that we won’t waste any of the life He’s blessed us with.

    It can’t be lost on any of us that virtual is here to stay. We need look no further to the popularity of dating websites to see this. Supplying prospective daters with information about a person in a neat digital package, dating websites are notorious for profiles that list all the good and leave out all the bad. Unlike a house or a trip, we must be wise and not make an emotional investment solely based on a virtual tour. Jesus Christ has commanded us to seek God first in all things, especially when it comes to relationships.

    God’s Word doesn’t tell us that knowing someone a really long time is a prerequisite for marriage, but it does give us the wisdom to make good dating choices that will honor our relationship with God and benefit our lives. Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in Hebrews 12:1 that we should lay aside sin and all the heavy stuff that comes with it. This means that we should not be impatient when it comes to making decisions. We should wait on God for the green-light. This verse also affirms that every believer has a race that God, Himself, has placed before them. We are to run this race with endurance. We don’t have time for costly mistakes that set us back. If we trust God, we will avoid those.

    We can’t judge a book by its cover, and when we’re obedient to God’s Word, we’ll never be in this position. Wisdom dictates that even before we begin a virtual tour of someone else’s profile, we’ll make sure ours is straight. We’ll make sure we’re a true representation of Christ. Some of us have some baggage that we’ve been carrying around a long time, and it is important to pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ, and ask Him to reveal the thing in our hearts that is holding us back. When you and I are unwilling to see certain things about ourselves that are harmful to our relationship with God, we overlook or don’t recognize it in others either. We attract the very person who reflects the worse in ourselves. We should want to get this internal housekeeping cleaned up before we start looking at someone else’s house.

    When it comes to partnering, a lot of us have taken matters into our own hands. We’ve made a choice, and then asked God to bless the choice we have made. This isn’t how faith works. Faith dictates that God walks us through the process from beginning to end. And in this, we learn to lean on Him and not on our own understanding. We learn to hear His directives more clearly, and we develop faith in His love and guidance. You don’t want to rob yourself of this. It’s the most important aspect of life. Virtual tours may be the wave of the future, but nothing will ever replace God’s Word, and His way always works best.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “Welcome to Your Virtual Internal Tour”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • A Marriage Covered by The Blood of Jesus Christ

    I remember the first time I saw a little girl named Chastity. I thought she was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, and her mother always kept her impeccably dressed. She was doted on by almost everyone, especially by her parents. Although they loved her very much, her mother and father had a terribly rocky relationship. Her father was verbally abusive towards her mother, and on a few occasions, this led to physical altercations between them. As she grew into adulthood, Chastity never thought of her parents as angry people or those with anger issues. Oddly, she thought most parents behaved just as hers did. It wasn’t until she began married life and faced some of its complexities that she saw the anger of her parents manifesting in her own life, and it did so with devastating results.

    Chastity was mandated by the courts to enter an anger management program after attacking her husband in a domestic dispute. She was taken away from their home in handcuffs and ultimately received a no-contact restraining order to stay away from her husband. It wasn’t until several months after her divorce that she shared this with her closest friends. She was embarrassed and ashamed, and she was also very afraid. She loved married life and very much wanted to be in a relationship, but anxiety about what she had gone through caused her to constantly second-guess her decisions. Something she wanted so much had slipped through her fingers once before, and she feared it could happen again.

    Psalm 37:8 (NLT) tells us, “Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm.” During the anger management program that she was mandated to attend, Chastity learned some very good strategies for controlling outbursts of anger. But even though she felt like she had a good handle on it, the root of this anger was still in her heart. God’s Word tells us to stop being angry. This suggests to us that for some people, anger is a way of being. It’s a ‘go-to’ response.

    God created us out of His love. So, we know from His Word that we were not created to respond in anger, but to respond with the love of Christ. When anger is always operating in the background, instead of the liberty of Christ, we must allow the healing power of God’s love to be administered to our hearts and minds in a greater way. We do this by learning more of God’s Word and asking the Holy Spirit to teach and guide us.

    Again, the way that a man and a woman create an opening in their hearts for healing is to place God’s Word in the position of preeminent authority in their lives. His Word cannot fail, and He tells us in His Word that anger is birthed from fear. This fear is sometimes passed down from generation to generation, and it continues because God’s Word is either not known, not believed, or not lived.

    All of us get angry at one time or another, but to have unresolved deep-seated anger is another matter. It suggests that greater focus on God through Christ is needed so that the mind can be renewed, and the Holy Spirit can do his transformative work. Both sexes sometimes have issues that prevent them from seeing their counterparts in the light of Christ. Instead, they are operating from faulty programming that was passed down. It’s entirely possible, in this case, for the woman with silent rage to see her spouse as a threat and not a blessing.

    This is problematic because it defies God’s plan for the marital union. It is impossible for our Heavenly Father to make a mistake. You and I make them all the time, but He never does, and we must trust this with our entire being. Psalm 84:11(NLT) tells us, “For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” Our God is our Source of provision and protection. He doesn’t withhold any goodness from the man and woman that is committed to do what is right. So, as a woman of God who has a heart to do what is right, you must trust God to present you with a man that has a heart to do what is right as well. This is an anointing and grace that only God can provide. And if we trust Him to make this provision available to us, we must also trust Him as we totally and completely surrender any anger and bitterness operating in our hearts.

    It’s not about you fixing yourself; you can’t. It’s about recognizing that because of the blood of Christ that was shed for our sins, we are cleansed from all unrighteousness. We couldn’t do it, and our Heavenly Father loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us. 1John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. It’s the blood of Christ that cleansed us, this is what we must trust. So, the necessary shift is to cease from trying to be right and accept that we have been made right through Christ, through his blood that was shed for us.

    As our understanding and appreciation of what God has done for us through Jesus Christ increases, we are released from the bondage of fear. You can’t place your marriage under the covering of the blood of Christ if you’re not walking in it yourself. Order was restored through the blood! This order means that as a woman that believes God, you are completely sold out to His provision. You understand that GOD is your Provider and Protector! HE gives you grace and glory through Christ, and it gets expressed through the man, because the man is the conduit by which God administers His blessing to you. YOU, likewise, are the conduit by which God administers His blessing to the man.

    Ecclesiastes 7:9(NLT) tells us, “Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.” Being easily provoked to anger makes us look foolish because it causes us to lose the blessings we treasure. God’s Word must be obeyed. This must be the heart of the believer, and it is the foundation upon which our hearts are healed, our marriages are secured, and our walk with God is continually infused with His grace and glory.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “A Marriage Covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • First, Calculate the Cost

    First, Calculate the Cost

    How many of us go into relationships with our eyes wide open? Most single Christians would probably say they do, but even those of us that are spiritually mature and desire God’s Will for our lives, end up realizing that our eyes were not as wide open as we had thought. This means that although we included a few expected bumps in the road in our relationship calculations, we didn’t think there would be a cliff we’d have to jump over, and we never imagined it would be so deep and wide. So, it is important for us to adjust our calculations right now, before we take the leap. To do this, we’ve got to look at what Jesus Christ taught us in Luke 14, and then ask ourselves are we willing to pay the price that is required to have a relationship that lasts.

    In speaking to two wonderful Christian women recently about their desire for marriage, I was struck by the depth of their desire to have the right man in their lives. They spoke of some of the things they’ve already done to prepare to share their lives with him. One of these women is more seasoned in age and wisdom, but it seemed to me that both are at a point in their lives where they appreciate what the commitment of marriage means. I am committed to pray for them in prayer. As a single Christian woman, you must know how profoundly important it is for you to be praying for someone who desires the same thing as you. In truth, the mandate of the love of Christ dictates that you ought to be praying for them more than you pray for yourself.

    Jesus Christ said in Luke 14:28(NLT), “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” He was speaking to a large crowd that followed him but did so for the wrong reason. They saw his good works—the miracles of healing and restoration. They heard his masterful teaching, and they thought they could simply lean on his greatness without having to learn how to demonstrate it themselves. They didn’t assume that the lesson of learning to lift up others would overshadow ‘just leaning’, and this ‘lifting-up’ lesson would cost a great deal to learn.

    In Luke 14:26(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.” Some people would look at this and say, “Yikes! This seems harsh!” It isn’t at all when you consider what is at stake. Marriage is God’s institution. This statement is so staggeringly profound that we couldn’t possibly say it enough. Marriage satisfies God’s purpose for the lives of His people. As a person desiring marriage, if you have it in your mind that you’re getting married to service your own needs and take care of your own agenda, you’ve already taken Heavenly Father out of the equation. How can we do this, and at the same time ask Him to bless us to cross paths with our future spouses? That doesn’t work.

    The cost that every single believer that desires marriage must pay is the cost of canceling out his or her own personal agenda for the sake of moving God’s agenda forward. Sadly, the reason that we see so many without the thing they want most is because so few are willing to calculate and pay the cost. In Isaiah 55:11(NLT), God said, “It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” God’s Word belongs to Him! He sends it out, He blesses it, and it comes back to Him in the same way He sent it out. He’s given us an incorruptible, unfailing pattern here, and it is the same with everything else. God owns the institution of marriage. HE blesses it for HIS purpose. So, if we are asking Him to give us His blessing, we must pay the cost of using it for His purpose. No better deal exists.

    The Word of the Lord is, don’t begin the quest until you count the cost. Don’t begin it until, within your heart of hearts, you’re asking the Holy Spirit to change your heart so that you want what God wants. Don’t begin the quest until you are steadfastly asking the Father what He requires of you and what you must change so that your marriage begins with putting Jesus Christ as the head and keeps him there. If there’s anything in you that isn’t in alignment with the role of wife and the service of a child of light, be willing to lay it down so that you can calculate the cost and pay the price according to the Will of God.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “First, Calculate the Cost”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

  • Oops! Did I Say That?

    Oops! Did I Say That?

    Proverbs 18:21(NLT) tells us “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” In my opinion, the heft and impact of this truth is grossly overlooked, particularly by those of us desiring to partner in marriage. Like many of you, I’ve read and heard it many times, and it reminds me continually to play close attention to the words I speak. This verse also reminds me of an incident that occurred when I dated someone in my early twenties. He made it very clear how much he cared for me, and while we were on a date one evening, he asked me how I felt about him. I hadn’t yet learned the economy of words or how to filter them through the love of God. If it came to my mind, often it flew from my lips without careful thought. So, when the young man asked me this question, immediately what came out was “You don’t know how to handle me yet.” Even today, I marvel at how immature a statement that was. I chalk it up to youthful arrogance and ignorance.

    Needless to say, Proverbs 18:21 hadn’t been rooted in my mind and heart at all in my twenties. Spiritually preparing for marriage means that when the right question is asked, we don’t have to look back to an “oops!” moment, but we respond with the right answer. It’s an answer motivated from a heart that is ripe with the love of Christ. Preparation means that we need to study scripture several times to make sure we understand it; so that the revelation of it really sinks in.

    Although Proverbs 18:21 is a simple and short verse, it packs a powerful punch. Our tongues can be weapons that not only hurt others but block our blessings as well. We sometimes forget how easily offensive our words can be. They have the potential to create things or destroy them. And because as women we tend to be more in touch with our emotions, we are also sometimes better at weaponizing this skill for our own purposes. We must be extremely cautious about this—of letting our emotions guide our tongues towards the business of sowing seeds of anger and destruction.

    Just as we have certain characteristics and qualities that are baked in, our male counterparts do as well. They were appointed by God to be protectors and providers for their families, and they are instructed by God in Ephesians 5:25 to love their wives as Christ loves the church. We can see that this is a mix of being very strong on one hand, and very tender on the other. As women of God, we are obligated to handle both with care.

    It is not easy for anyone to be vulnerable with their emotions, but we should be able to appreciate that this can be especially challenging for many men. Quite naturally we must be prepared for the reality that when a man makes his heart vulnerable, we must respond with an increased sensitivity in how we use our words. This becomes even more important when there are disagreements in the relationship.

    The wisdom of Proverbs 21:19(NLT) says, “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.” I know the sting of loneliness. It is indeed a desert, and I couldn’t tolerate even a hint of a possibility that my future husband would be better off there than with me. So, over the years, I committed myself to learn to use my words to build and uplift rather than tearing down. I would love to say that there was no cost to growing spiritually in this area, but that wouldn’t be true. There were steep and challenging circumstances I endured. It was all because I failed to heed God’s instruction and to practice wisdom and economy when it comes to my mouth. I knew that I needed to spiritually grow in this area, not just because I wanted to be a Godly wife, but because I wanted to be my best for God and the agenda of His Kingdom.

    When our tongues are undisciplined, we’ll find ourselves repeatedly and regretfully asking “Oops! Did I say that?” It’s a question we’ll ask way more than we’d like, because even we are surprised by what comes out of our mouths. We have a responsibility to trade in this habit as we train ourselves to think and speak words that are pleasing to God. The last thing any of us should ever want to do is injure and hurt with our words. Let’s pray for guidance in this area. I encourage you to ask the Lord to teach you to be more sensitive in your speech and conversation. Then you will be poised to speak life into your husband and family, and in so doing, you will partner with the Lord to help preserve the unity and strength of your marriage. ■

    THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    “Oops! Did I Say That?“ written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.