Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • What’s Wrong with This Picture?

    Matthew 5:43-45 (NLT)
    “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’[a] and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies![b] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.”

    Jesus Christ was a paradigm shifter to say the least. He started his statement in Matthew 5:43 with “you have heard…” This allows us to know that the popular teaching during the time he came on the scene was completely contradictory to the knowledge and wisdom that he laid out. How absolutely mind blowing it must have been for those listening. To think that they had made a pattern of hating their enemies and loving only those who loved them. Jesus Christ blazed a new trail by speaking of a higher, more enlightened, and spiritually intelligent way of handling enemies. He said love them, then you’ll draw a line in the sand between those that are representing God’s love and those that are not.

    It must have sounded preposterous to those who would absolutely refuse to move away from their old way of thinking and behaving. Not only did he tell them to love their enemies, but he took it a step further. He said pray for them who persecute you! What!!! Make no mistake, Jesus Christ knew exactly the uproar his revolutionary words would cause. He came to shake things up and to set a new, higher standard for living a spiritual life. You can’t do this without knocking down the error first, so that newness has a fresh place to land.

    Even though many single sisters are Christians, and have been for years, they still cling to old paradigms or patterns; some of which Jesus Christ has specifically told us to kick to the curb. We’re still complaining about how hard good men are to find, when we know from God’s Word that they are the ones to do the finding. We’re playing around with the temptations that dating often leads to, when God has called us to use our time as singles to tighten our relationship with Him. Patterns like these must be eradicated if we’re to step into a greater level of love, and thereby draw out a greater love from the one who will ultimately be our partner in life.

    Jesus Christ told us that our Heavenly Father rains down blessings on both the just and the unjust. In your mind, you might see yourself as a woman that is living right; on the other hand, you see a woman that isn’t nearly as dedicated to the faith as you are, and she’s engaged to be married. “What’s wrong with this picture?” you ask yourself. Stuff like this may have you feeling a little like those who first heard the message of love that Jesus taught in Matthew 5:43-45.

    The truth is that God doesn’t love the saved person more than He loves the unsaved person. He loves all of us, which is why Jesus instructed us to love and pray for our enemies. So we can’t focus on some of the things that we see, but don’t quite understand.

    Your focus must rest in the reality that God has specifically called you out from among the world. This means that there are some things that you are required to do in order to fulfill your destiny in Christ. You can never underestimate God’s allegiance to see you become all that He has called you to be. You may see others enjoying the blessings that you desire for yourself, but you cannot be deterred. God is perfecting something in you. James 1:4 (NIV) encourages us, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

    Always remember that Jesus Christ has called us to a higher, more enlightened, spiritually intelligent way of life. Not to make us better than anyone else, but he has called us to light the path for those who have not yet beheld his glory in the way that we have. Your future husband will be all that you desire and more, but he will need you to be strong in ways that you don’t yet realize. Trust that God is grooming you to receive this tremendous blessing. Help Him to knock down those old paradigms of error that have gotten in your way. Represent God’s love always, and trust that the Holy Spirit will prepare you for what is to come as you do.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “What’s Wrong with This Picture?”, written for findchristianman.com ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Don’t Break His Heart

    Many people live their lives from the outside in. They allow what is happening in their environments to dictate what is happening internally. For instance, if something happens at work and someone does something they don’t like, they allow this person’s actions to ruin their day. People often find themselves reacting negatively to situations and events that are going on outside of themselves. They become enraged if someone cuts them off in traffic, or if a person says the wrong thing to them. No longer do we, as a society, bypass simple offenses. In today’s environment, many of us are easily offended and wear our feelings on our sleeves, so to speak. When it comes to this tendency of reacting to the negativity in our worlds, the list goes on and on. We’ve approached a level of extremes, and people have adopted a very negative outlook on life because of it. So many are ill-tempered and constantly in a bad mood. This kind of pessimism is corrosive; it hinders the blessings that many of us desire to flow our way. A happy life with a wonderful spouse is absolutely achievable for the woman of God that desires it, but it’s not going to square with a negative outlook on life.

    God is opening His heart to us in amazing ways. Wonderful things are happening in the body of Christ. Our privilege and responsibility is to take on more of God’s nature and continue to renew our minds to His Word. This is required to grow in spiritual strength and have the relationship with Him that He desires. Looking at this in very basic terms, if you and I have love in our hearts for someone, we are concerned about their well-being. We want them to be happy, to grow, and to be productive in life. If we are at a level of abounding in the things of God, and we are witnessing His wonderful abundance, we want this for everyone else that we know. Wanting the best for others is a very important attribute of how the love of God in Christ behaves.

    The love of God in Christ will motivate us to want to see others rise to greater levels of growth and prosperity. This is multiplied to uncalculatable levels when it comes to God’s heart and what He wants for us. We are His children! We’re Kingdom Kids, so it makes sense that Heavenly Father desires that we grow in His nature. In Ephesians 4:13, He makes it clear that the end goal is that we measure up to the full and complete stature of Christ. In other words, the more of God’s nature that we take on, the more like Christ we become. Heavenly Father can then share more with us; and not only this, but spiritually we get to a level where there is such an ease in our communication and fellowship with Him.

    When other things, situations, and people are dictating our mood, it means that we are developing a habit pattern of internalizing potentially hazardous stuff. We’re allowing fear and all its cousins to get cozy in our hearts. That’s no good. Our bodies are the temple of God. The Holy Spirit abides inside of us. We must remember that marital partnership is a ministry, and if we’re not ministering to our own hearts properly through God’s love and power, we probably won’t have the spiritual strength to do it for someone else. When we guard our hearts and feed them a diet of positive thoughts and the promises of God’s Word, we’ll be amazed by the blessings we begin to attract.

    Ephesians 4:30-32 The Message (MSG) tells us, “Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” I know you have heard many Christians refer to the indwelling Holy Spirit as a gentleman. For some of us, it may seem odd to our ears to hear this, but with respect to sensitivity, compassion, and love, this statement is so true. The Holy Spirit is very gentle and loving. He rejoices in those things that delight the Father, and he is grieved by those things that do not.

    The Holy Spirit partners with us when our actions are those that represent heaven. These are the times when we really see his power in operation. The bottom line is that we can’t thrive when our hearts and minds are not conducive to the lively loveliness of the Spirit. God is interested in what is going on with our hearts, because that’s where the action is. It’s part of the reason that God placed the Spirit on the inside of us. It’s there that we need the most help.

    We’ve really got to come into consciousness about how we’re reacting to the world around us. If we’re in a bad mood all the time, and we’re angry or disappointed, God has a remedy for this. He tells us to renew our minds to His Word and to trust Him with all our hearts. We need to talk to Him daily, be very honest with Him, and then listen for His response. We need to pray and trust that He’ll help us reroute ourselves, so that we can begin to attract blessings and make the indwelling Holy Spirit feel right at home.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. 

     “Don’t Break His Heart”, written for findchristianman ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal

    God doesn’t cause the problems that tear relationships apart. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us that He is not the author of confusion, but of peace. He wants us to be happy in our relationships, and this is why He has set His very own standard for the way we should care for and support one another in a marriage. In His Word, Heavenly Father tells us that the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the woman should honor her husband out of her love for Christ. This is God’s standard. It guarantees to preserve a marriage through any challenges. So, neither God or His Word has failed us in any respect, but all of us must admit that we don’t always hold to His standard of love in our marriages and relationships. For this, we need to seek God’s forgiveness.

    God’s heart is not for us to wallow in self-condemnation. We ask for forgiveness because it demonstrates our humility and desire to put God first; and to recognize that His Word cannot fail. Forgiveness puts us in right standing, and it opens us to receive more of God’s instruction in righteousness as we are spiritually strengthen through His love.

    The standard of love that God has set is personified in Christ. We are the bride of Christ, and he is our bridegroom. He loves us so much, and his passion is to care for us and support us in every way. We make mistakes and we get hurt, but even in the middle of our disappointment, we must remember that we are the light of Christ. The pain we may experience feels very dark and heavy, but we will overcome it through the power of the Holy Spirit that indwells us.

    A woman said to me that when first dating her husband, something on the inside of her felt wrong every time they met, but he treated her so well. She fell in love with him a few years ago, and they were married. He has betrayed the marriage through infidelity, and she feels that she is now experiencing such loss because she ignored her instincts. The truth is that most of us are willing to take such risks on love because deep down we know that when love is right it’s totally worth it. We shouldn’t condemn ourselves for taking the leap. We should, however, put ourselves in the arms of the Father and ask Him to teach us how to better guard our hearts, so that we’re in a prime position to both give and receive love His way.

    If you have been betrayed by your husband or the person you love, know that you are more than a conqueror through Christ. You will overcome through his strength. We know that we will experience tribulations in life, but God has told us to persist and endure through them. We might get knocked down, but we get back up. God is developing in each of us a posture that helps us run this race with endurance, always looking ahead to victory in Christ and never looking back; no matter how bad or hurtful things may appear. Our hope, our confidence, must always be in Christ.

    The bottom line is that in whatever form it is that we are broken, and no matter how it is that we have come to be that way, God will heal us. We will breakthrough our storms, tribulations, and wilderness experiences through Christ, our Lord. And one day, we will come to see that God’s deliverance has given us greater authority in Christ, and through it we will help someone else come into healing, just as we have.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal”, written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Go for the Gusto and Don’t Lose Steam!

    It truly is a discerning time—a time to get pumped and motivated to do some things differently. Numbers too great to count are those who still find themselves without a good man to call their own. This isn’t God’s Will, and it is so wonderful that many sisters in Christ are coming to this realization. You recognize that you do not have to sit idly by, paralyzed by doubt. You can mobilize the resources that God has extended to change the outcomes of your life. This is good news indeed.

    For many single women, it may seem that you’ve experienced this level of motivation and excitement before, and it appears to you that nothing was accomplished. This isn’t true. Whether or not you acknowledge it, you moved yourself closer to what God has promised.

    If we will be completely honest with ourselves, we have to admit that for a brief period we determined to go for the gusto, but then, when things did not turn around as quickly and clearly as we had hoped, we lost steam.

    Gusto is defined as great enjoyment, energy, and enthusiasm. All three of these, enjoyment, energy, and enthusiasm, are jewels. They are invaluable when it comes to holding our desires in our minds and hearts with faith and focus. Losing steam is exactly the opposite. It is a state of mind that is down, droopy, and doubtful. Unfortunately, this is where a lot of single Christian sisters end up. They spend just a short amount of time with gusto, and then quickly become deflated and unhopeful when there isn’t an immediate outcome of their efforts.

    To keep hope alive and gusto charging with full steam ahead, one of the most important transformations we must engage is a change in our expectations. God tells us in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. This isn’t something we do once and then stop. It isn’t something we do for a short while, and then give up. Renewing is a perpetual process. It never stops. The sheer nature of the word ‘renewal’ demands that we recognize the things that are no longer working for us. Then we change them and institute things that the Word of God guarantees will work for us.

    If we’ve hit a snag, stall, or wall, the misfire is clue#1 that renewal is in order. This realization is truly necessary when we seek to change our expectations. We have to understand that what used to work for us is no longer doing the trick, or it could be that things we thought were working actually didn’t work at all. Whatever the case, we need to be clear that renewing means we’re willing to go back to square one and throw out what didn’t work. Then we need to reassess, reprioritize, and begin to rebuild. This allows us to realign our expectations in a way that places Jesus Christ at the helm.

    The reality is that it took time for us to get to where we are today in our walk with Christ and in our lives overall. And it will take time to give our faith the processing time it needs to yield different results—results that are within the wonderful destiny that God has predetermined for our lives.

    Again, going for the gusto means that enjoyment, energy, and enthusiasm are top notch in your mental and emotional state. It means understanding that you can’t sink to the bottom rails of sadness, apathy, and doubt. You are the master builder of your life. God didn’t give any of us the power and authority to rule over another human being. He gave us power and authority through Jesus Christ to rule and reign in our own lives. If you are a mentally healthy individual, you can decide what you are going to think, feel, do, and say. You can effectively change your thoughts and feelings to receive exponentially successful results. Know that this is not only doable; it’s your destiny to work this out through the power of the Holy Spirit!

    Once you decide that this is the time for you to go for it, recognize that faith does not respond to a whim or a quick notion. Faith responds to the authority of Jesus Christ. This means that your heart and mind must be fully persuaded in the goodness of God. This full persuasion is the thing that causes you to be happy in the face of setbacks and adversity. Being fully persuaded is the thing that causes you to have warm flutters of optimism in your spirit, because you know beyond knowing that God is going to back His promises in your life.

    Hosea 14:9 (NLT) tells us, “Who is wise? Let them realize these things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.” When you recognize that this is a discerning time in your life, and that it’s time to go for the gusto, understand that you have the great privilege to measure up to the standard of Christ by matching your emotions and thoughts to the emotions and thoughts of the Holy Spirit that indwells you. When you do this, gusto is achieved, steam will continually flow, and the locomotive of your faith will be in full effect. Never lose heart. You can have what God says you can have! Keep the faith!■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Go for the Gusto and Don’t Lose Steam!”, written for findchristianman.com ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • If You Know Your Worth, He Should To

    Call me old fashion, but I still truly believe in the courtship between a man and a woman. I’m vested in the ideal that a man is supposed to take the necessary steps to demonstrate to a woman, beyond a shadow of doubt, that he has more than a casual interest. And then the woman should be fully prepared to either accept his advances towards getting to know her better, or politely let him know that she’s not the woman for him. I understand that many women no longer think of relationships in this way but believe that they should pursue a man to the degree that men used to pursue women. At the end of the day, people will do what they want to do, but we have to ask ourselves as women if we’ve lost something far more valuable by compromising God’s standard in this area.

    I think we have. Self-worth isn’t something you can cultivate or advance by being assertive towards men. When we truly value ourselves, the right man will respond, and he’ll respond by doing everything in his power to be next to us. You can’t put a price on this. It’s golden, and it’s the way God set things up.

    In Matthew 16: 19 (NLT), Jesus Christ said, “And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven.  Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.” Take a moment and imagine how God’s Kingdom works. There is no struggle, no striving, and no drama. Everything there runs off of faith in God. No one has a need of which Heavenly Father does not attend to before they recognize the need. Angelic beings are constantly singing God’s praises, because they know that there isn’t an activity more wonderful than praising Heavenly Father. Heaven is a place more extraordinary than our imaginations can hold, and Jesus Christ has given us the keys to its Kingdom.

    The keys are no good to the dead. They can’t use them, but we’re living, and we can use the keys to tap into heaven’s resources in a dynamically spiritual way. Our Lord and Savior is schooling us on what happens when we set our minds and hearts in accordance with God’s Will. We’re unstoppable when we know who we are in Christ, and we begin to act like the ambassadors that he has made us.

    When we begin to make our relationships with God a priority by meditating on His Word daily, praying more, and learning to be led by the Spirit, we will grow and mature spiritually. Growth in the Spirit means that we rely on his inner resources more than we do the outer resources of the world.

    If we’re keeping it real, many of us choose the way of modern convenience because we think it is more expedient than growing in the spirit. We can whip out our cell phones, send a text or an email, and start an online relationship in less time than it takes to shower. We’d rather do this than to work on our souls. We lack the patience required to fast, pray, and meditate on God’s goodness; we don’t want to wait until He activates that part of us in the Spirit that causes us to step in alignment with the flow of the blessings we seek.

    There’s something about watching two people take vows before all of their family and friends, to love each other and spend the rest of their lives together; through good times and bad times. It’s just a beautiful thing to see, but too often we’re watching the union take place and then seeing it fall apart a year later. What can we learn from this? One of the things we learn is that in the end, we will not lose out by letting Jesus Christ have the steering wheel in this area of our lives. We don’t need to forgo our strength in the Lord out of a fleshly need or desire for comfort and pleasure. Know your worth, and let the Lord demonstrate it to you through a good man that is more than willing to pursue you as his future wife.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “If You Know Your Worth, He Should To” written for FACM, findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Was That Really You Lord?

    “Was that really You Lord?” is one of those questions that I believe God is very use to His kids asking Him. This is especially true after we’ve made a decision that we thought was on point with the Lord, but the results speak another story entirely. Parents can identify with this. Your child does something that is totally off the wall and ends up making a huge mess of things. After being confronted they immediately give you the line, “but I thought you said I could!!!” This is the go-to they use to try and get themselves off the hook.

    Authority is key. We consider the word of the one on whose authority we depend as bond. This is the rack we hang our hats on. For children, parents are the preeminent authority figure, but sometimes, children will try to play the sneaky card. They do things of which they know the parent would not approve, and will try to manipulate their parent’s authority. They do so by saying they somehow perceived permission, when permission was never given. No new tricks under the sun; this one is classic.

    Instinctively we know that if permission is given, the outcome is not entirely one in which we will bear total responsibility. Part of the outcome can be attributed to the one in authority; the one on whose permission we rested our foray into the unknown. The reasoning behind this is: “It’s not totally my fault if I took a risk, and it didn’t pan out. I did it because I received permission, and I equated permission from my authority figure to the promise of a safe and positive outcome.” This is the kind of mentality we bring into our relationship with God at times. But we must be careful, because sometimes we attribute signs from the devil as God’s greenlight.

    Hebrews 4:11-13(NLT) says, “11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. 

    12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

    As a people who really and truly love God, we need to know that He has provided a way for us enter into rest. Rest is a state of being where there isn’t any chaos; there’s no indifference or struggle. There is a peace that comes with the rest that God provides. This is His goal for us. He tells us that we can’t get to this place of peaceful rest through disobedience. It can only be accessed through obedience.

    Heavenly Father goes on to tell us in Hebrew 4:11 that His Word is alive! It’s not asleep, so there can be no ifs, ands, and buts about the doctrine, instructions, and corrections that His Word provides.  God’s Word is perfect and definitive. When it comes to the whopper conundrums that we sometimes end up with, make no mistake about it, there are instances when we genuinely believe that we’ve heard from God. We believe that He’s given us a green light to proceed. Then, we end up making one of the biggest mistakes of our lives.

    “Was that really you Lord? Didn’t You tell me he was the one? Didn’t You tell me it was okay to marry this man? Why am I now facing this awful situation? I thought You told me that I could proceed and You would make sure that I’d be blessed?” Our Heavenly Father knows the decisions we will make even before we make them. Not only does He know them, but He already has seen the outcome.  In truth, when we leap into making decisions, thinking that God has given us the green light and things don’t end up being the absolute best for us, we should then realize a few things. Chief among them is how much we may have compromised ourselves through impatience. We didn’t give ourselves time to really find out God’s agenda for our lives.

    The Word of God is sharper than any sword because it cuts through the confusion we enter into when we don’t know what to do or which way to turn. This is why we must study His Word. As we get into God’s Word, we can receive wisdom from other sources as well, and these sources will also back up the Word we’ve received. Sometimes through a close friend, family member or even a co-worker, God can help to zap us into consciousness. Some of us begin to recognize the help, but others of us remain asleep and refuse to wake up about what we’re doing. We have a habit of intentionally avoiding what we know is right because we want something on the double.

    Discernment takes wisdom and through wisdom we should know that if we are committed to a life of obedience, God is willing and able to keep our feet from falling in any situation. We are never the worse for being patient. And even when we make the mistake of impatience…when our hearts may get a little bruised from time to time, we’re still in the game of living and learning; and this is always a blessing we should never take for granted.

    So always remember that nothing is ever hidden from God’s sight, and everything with Him is uncovered and laid bare before Him. He will not make decisions for us. We can’t ask God to make guarantees that are already provided through obedience to His Word. Hebrews 4:13 tells us that we are the ones that must give account of our actions. He has made it very plain that He doesn’t keep from us the information we need to hear. He’s told us that His Word is alive and active. Therefore, following His Word will always lead us down the right path, and His Word will never lead us astray. So let’s be very real about this one, because it’s never about whether or not He’s spoken to us. It is always about our willingness to have patience, study, to listen and obey.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Was That Really You Lord?” written for findchristianman.com© 2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  

  • Increasing Your Capacity to Love

    “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:19 (NLT)

    I once worked for a man that most viewed as the ornery type. He was even called ‘Grinch’ because of his grisly voice and his somewhat grumpy outlook on life. After his first marriage ended, he declared that he’d never again get married. His previous wife had been unfaithful, and he didn’t feel he could allow himself to be so trusting again. This was until years later, when he met and married his current wife. Over time, we’ve kept up with each other, and I never dreamed his life would take such a turn. He’s been on quite the journey, and honestly, I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone that is willing to be as transparent about his life as he has been. He’s shared his ups and downs with me, and he has made a monumental impact on my life, as well as many others.

    After being married for only one year, his wife was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). He made the decision to retire early so that they could enjoy as much time together as possible before this debilitating disease altered their lives. So, for the last several months he’s chronicled their everyday struggles with his closest friends. It gives him an avenue to vent, share, and give us an up close and personal view of what they go through.

    He calls their everyday struggles of adjustment, “the new normal”. His beloved wife has now lost most of her mobility. They were avid boaters, but have recently sold their boat because she is no longer able to climb on to it. Assisted walking, wheelchairs, long drives out of state to doctor visits are just a few of the new normal practices that consist of a typical day for them.

    There are a chorus of women singing the sad song of ‘not enough good men’, but it’s a tune I just can’t catch, especially after seeing this man’s commitment to care for his wife. I’ve gained immeasurable perspective from my ex-boss’s journey. I believe that if this kind of commitment and adoration can exist in the heart of a man who doesn’t openly profess the Lord, imagine the possibility of loyalty and love from one who does.

    He has given me an up-close and personal reminder of how love from a man should look, and what it should represent. In the case of many Christian singles looking to partner, often this is what is missing. It’s the connection between the love of Christ and the action, patience, and commitment it takes to carry it through. It’s a love that endures countless sleepless nights, and days filled with both agony and joy, all for the care of someone other than ourselves. It’s a selflessness that knows no bounds.

    Not only are we, as children of God, capable of exhibiting this kind of love, but we are commanded to demonstrate it to each other. Jesus Christ told us in John 15:12(NLT), “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.” This is the capacity that God is cultivating and increasing within us through the indwelling Holy Spirit. He’s teaching us to love with the humility, endurance, and faithfulness of Christ.

    God has told us through the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 3:16 that we need to pray to be empowered by the Holy Spirit with the strength to love this way. When we do, Ephesians 3:17 (NLT) says, “Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” When we are so focused on the love we don’t have, and we begin to speak words of lack, we are communicating that we do not believe in God’s provision. This is not good ground, and our roots cannot grow in it. Jesus Christ came so that we could have a life of abundance. Everything that we could ever need, he provided access to it. Faith and trust in this truth is the ground we need, and it is the only ground that will produce the harvest we’ve been praying to receive.

    I’m not sure that my ex-boss knows the scripture as well as many of us do, but he made a very conscious decision that changed the course of his life. He chose to leave his past doubts and reservations behind, in an effort to love and care deeply for someone new. Instead of focusing on what he didn’t have, he chose to focus on the love that he could give. And I’m sure even he is surprised by the capacity and level of love he has demonstrated.

    Ephesians 3:18 (NLT) says, “And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” It is so very important for each of us to understand that the love of Christ within us is limitless. It is more than enough for any circumstance, at any time. I will hear women say about a man that doesn’t meet their long list of ‘must haves’, “He’s nice, but I could never love him.”  Heavenly Father wants us to be beyond this kind of thinking, because the person that will bring to us the greatest joy will also bring the greatest challenge, and the unconditional love of God must be cultivated in our hearts in order to handle it. So while we’re yet single, we should strive to understand God’s love daily, and pray that He will empower us to know, live, and grow in the love of Christ. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Increasing Your Capacity to Love” written for FACM, findchristianman.com ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • 3 Answers that Prove You’re Ready for the Blessing

    Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence that we have the thing we hope to receive before it actually comes to fruition. Faith is the title deed to the blessings we are confident we’ll possess. God has charged you and I with the responsibility of holding a mental and emotional title deed in our minds and hearts through faith. This title deed of faith is a rightful claim to the blessings we’re praying to receive. We hold it in our minds and hearts, and it gives us the same level of ownership in the spiritual realm as a deed written on paper for something we actually own, like a car or a house. In a literal sense, we know that once we have a title deed from a bank, it’s proof to all that will see it that the property, by all legal accounts, is rightfully ours. Faith works in much the same way.

    In the business arena, a purchasing contract signals to everyone that we have an intention to take possession of something valuable. After we have proven the capacity to ethically procure the property, we sign on the dotted line. Then, after the contractual period has lapsed, if we have abided by all the requirements, maintained the care of the property, and made all the payments necessary to contractually own it outright, we take possession. This is a process that takes place in the natural realm. We expect it when we’re looking to own something valuable. Faith has a process too. Sometimes it takes a long while to manifest results, or it can take as little time as a blink of an eye.

    The process of legally taking ownership of a valuable and tangible asset can be a lengthy process. In the case of a house in the United States, it can take up to and over 30 years. I will venture to say that most of us have never waited that long for a blessing to come into fruition, but if that is what it requires, we should be ready and committed enough to stand on God’s Word until the promise materializes. If you’ve done the mental and emotional work of faith, and you feel as though the time that has passed seems beyond the processing period required, consider that God is still building your capacity to take ownership. He wants to expand your vision regarding the blessing you seek. Answering the following questions might help you to gain greater focus and ultimately get in synch with what Heavenly Father has stored up for you.

    Are my wants and my needs in balance?
    The blessings that we are hoping to receive are not too big for God. And I don’t believe that God ever tells us ‘NO’ when we ask according to His Will. Our God is an excellent and masterful Giver. He knows that sometimes we want things that far exceed our need for them. Jesus Christ tells us in Luke 1:37 that nothing is impossible with God. He is a wonderful and loving Heavenly Father, and He is our sufficiency. It is His good pleasure to bless His people, but this doesn’t mean that we will take possession of everything we desire, WHEN we desire it.

    God wants you and I to be wise recipients, and He wants to bless us with blessings that are most beneficial for our over-all wellbeing. This means that we need to learn to spiritually discern what is right for our lives. God also expects that we will use the wisdom of balance. This means we shouldn’t pray to receive blessings that exceed the level of our ability to put them to good use. Heaven’s economy is not one of greed, but of balance and preciseness. It is important for us to really think about our desires from this perspective, and then allow the Holy Spirit to guide us into greater areas of wisdom and understanding regarding the blessings we’re seeking.

    Have I held my desires more tightly than I have my commitment to God?
    The answer to this question is usually one that comes from a place that most of us do not explore on a regular basis. It’s a place where the secret motives of our hearts are stored. Jeremiah 17:9 says that we can never know the heart fully, because it contains the potential for great levels of deceitfulness. The heart is a very important place in our souls. It’s at the core of our identity, and often this is a place where we hold things so tightly and for so long, that we don’t realize the scope and length of our grip. We cannot continue in a state of unconsciousness about what we’re holding on to.

    God has designed the universe in such a way that when we see clearer spiritually, we see better naturally. The things that were hidden from us before will come into full view. It’s this ‘full view’ that we should be seeking more than anything else, because it is entirely possible that we’re so consumed with what we want that it has obscured our vision when it comes to the things of God. If this is the case, we need to come into an awareness about it. Sometimes our desire to marry is rooted in insecurities, and we’re looking to someone other than Jesus Christ to make us whole. Humans are not capable of doing this for each other. We’re created to be complete in Christ and must look to him before any other person. Our needs are fulfilled by God’s love. He is our sufficiency. So we should never look to another human being to do what only God can do for us.

    Have you proven your commitment to maintain the blessings you seek?
    All of us think we’re ready to handle the blessings we’re asking God for, but it isn’t enough to think it, or even to speak it. Yes, we’ve got to make positive confessions, renew our minds to God’s Word, and put some positive action behind the title deed of faith that we’re holding, but we also must have a proven commitment to maintain the blessings we seek. This means that we have demonstrated a history of taking care of what we currently have in our possession.

    The most apparent demonstration of preparedness to handle blessings is our attention to detail. Most of us won’t admit this, but there are details in our daily lives that we drastically overlook and neglect because our minds haven’t been renewed in places they should be. We simply don’t think about doing certain things, and because we don’t, certain opportunities are hidden from us. We prove our preparedness, as well as our commitment to make room for blessings, by increasing in spiritual strength. An increase in spiritual strength equates to an increased spiritual awareness. We can’t rely only on our human strength and knowledge. We’ve done that and it’s not working for us. God longs to show us what He can do for-in-by-through and with us through the Holy Spirit that dwells within. We must seek the Spirit’s guidance continually. He will help us come into consciousness about important details and increase our level of awareness. This will greatly help us in the area of preparing for marriage.

    1 Corinthians 2:10 (NLT) says, “But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets.” There is so much we could know, but don’t know, because we will not seek to grow in the Spirit. Jesus Christ wants to live through us. He wants to bless others through our blessings, and he accomplishes this through the Spirit that indwells us. The Spirit will do for us what we can never do for ourselves. So the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to seek to grow in the Spirit. He will help us press-in and hold the title deed of faith in our minds. Then we’ll be poised to take possession of the blessings God has for us.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “3 Answers that Prove You’re Ready for the Blessing” written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Actions and Consequences

    Actions and Consequences

    Romans 8:28(NKJV) is one among many jewels in the crown of knowledge and wisdom that God has given us. It says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” When we think of this verse, we should try imagining life as one big stirring pot of every kind of circumstance one can imagine; both advantageous, and not so much. If our aim is to please God and to grow closer to Him, no matter how vigorous or slowly we stir the contents of this pot—no matter how heated or lukewarm the contents may be, the ultimate outcome is always going to be something delicious.

    Romans 8:28 is God’s guarantee, yet it is often so difficult for many of us to believe, particularly when it comes to crossing paths with the person we will ultimately marry. Some of us can become so emotionally distraught with the ups and downs of dating and misfits, that we’re too exhausted to give ‘hope’ the fighting chance it deserves. There’s a remedy for this, and truly it is the only one that makes any sense. If you’ve been praying and praying, year after year, and it doesn’t feel as if you’ve made significant headway towards the proverbial trip down the aisle, the truth is that indeed you have made strides; perhaps some that you haven’t yet recognized.

    fcm-romans-8-28You’ve probably learned quite a bit about what you don’t like and what you’re unwilling to tolerate in the person you want to marry. The depth and meaningfulness of qualities like loyalty, devotion, gentleness, kindness, and affection are probably now more prominent in your pursuit of a Godly partner than those of pretty eyes, dimples, and a full head of hair. But even though you’ve gained this knowledge, still, you can’t fully know from where you stand today the kind of spiritual, emotional, and mental tenacity that it requires for two people to hold a union intact. We all think we know, but really, we have no idea.

    The process of spiritual preparation for marriage is an incredibly important subject for anyone desiring to be a spouse. Sometimes we forget that our Heavenly Father has a standard, and His standard is such that all things are going to coagulate, cooperate, and gel together in such a way that our good rises to the top.

    This isn’t going to just pop out of nowhere. There’s a human element to this equation, and that means that the Holy Spirit absolutely has to be involved if success is the goal. He, the gift, is going to guide us to the finish line. He’s our teacher, so learning some serious lessons absolutely has to be a part of the equation too. One of the lessons required to be fully and tightly fitted in our arsenal of wisdom and faith is the lesson of Cause and Effect.

    Often, it’s not an easy pill to swallow, but swallow it we must because it is simply the way God designed the universe to work; and no matter how much we may not like it at times, the end result will always be to His glory. There is a cause and effect to everything in life, and when you come to understand this, you’ll see the thread of truth that runs through every triumph and defeat of your existence.

    Simply put, when your heart is to please God and bless others, not only will you see it reflected in your life, but so will others around you as well. But lest we forget, there’s a flip side to this coin. When you have ugliness in your heart, such as bitterness, anger, and arrogance; situations and people will act as a mirror, reflecting the bad stuff that you really wouldn’t want.

    To see this more clearly, consider the message that God gave the prophet, Zephaniah, to give to the people of Judah and Jerusalem. Manasseh and his son Amon, notorious idol worshippers, were two of the most wicked kings of Judah and Jerusalem. During their reign the people turned their backs on God, ceased to worship Him, and began to pick up the practices of Manasseh and Amon and worshipped idol Gods. They became a society of people that were corrupt and immoral in every sense of the word.

    Zephaniah warned them of “the day of the Lord”, and in Zephaniah 1:2,3, 12-14 (The Message), he gave them a message from Heavenly Father:

    2 “I’m going to make a clean sweep of the earth, a thorough housecleaning.” God’s Decree.

    3 “Men and women and animals, including birds and fish—Anything and everything that causes sin—will go, but especially people.

    12-14 On Judgment Day, I’ll search through every closet and alley in Jerusalem. I’ll find and punish those who are sitting it out, fat and lazy, amusing themselves and taking it easy, Who think, ‘God doesn’t do anything, good or bad. He isn’t involved, so neither are we.’ But just wait. They’ll lose everything they have, money and house and land.

    Some of us have imagined that God would leave His throne just to punish these folks for their deplorable and evil behavior, but God designed the universe to hurl back at us the full brunt (and then some) of the stuff that we give it, whether it’s positive or negative. Heavenly Father allows us to live our lives just the way we choose – it’s our free-will choice, and He will not violate it. His love doesn’t shove or push, instead God’s love is pure and kind. It isn’t puffed up nor does His love seek revenge. But if we choose to practice darkness, if we play the game of deceit, then we give the devil the ammunition he needs to throw darts of darkness and deceit back at us; and his darts sting far worse than ours.

    When we turn away from God’s love through our actions, our lives begin to deteriorate rapidly, and unless we recognize this our lives will continue to spiral downward. You may ask yourself, “But why would God want His people to suffer?” God doesn’t cause pain and suffering, but He will allow it; and often it is a consequence for disobedience and sin.

    There are so many needless divorces out there because couples have refused or neglected to take responsibility for their actions and to be accountable for the hurt they’ve spearheaded by putting the wrong stuff out there. God’s laws dictate that if you keep doing the same things you’re doing; you’re going to keep getting the same things you’re getting. He wants us to know that if we don’t like the consequences we’re getting, we can utilize the power of His love to change them. This is a lesson that must be firmly etched in your heart and mind. When it is, you can have confidence that one day soon you’ll have a marriage where all things will continually work together for your family’s good. ■

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

    “Actions and Consequences” written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • What to Do to Keep Him

    What to Do to Keep Him

    Some women consider solidifying a relationship with a man to be a very intense thing. An old saying goes something like this, “What you do to get him, you’ve got to do to keep him.” This relic from back in the day is chock full of all sorts of innuendo, some of it not so virtuous if you get my drift, but it still drives the mentality that a lot of women have around relationships with men. Recently, I’ve been reminded of some of the habit patterns spun from this kind of thinking, and not only does it do a number on a sister’s self-esteem, but it will drown a relationship in a sea of resentment and insecurity.

    There are not many feelings that compare to praying to receive something from God for an extended period, and then actually witnessing the manifestation of it. This is magnified exponentially when it comes to a blossoming romantic relationship. Problems creep in when we don’t hold to God’s standard, and acquiesce to what amounts to a flawed way of trying to maintain the blessing. Most of us have taken our cues from what we’ve seen in the past. We’ve looked at our mothers, aunts, cousins, and friends, and taken tidbits from them on how to handle certain situations. Believe it or not, many women are using television shows as a source of information and ‘how to’s’ for relationships and dating. A lot of this can be more harmful than helpful.

    2Peter 1:3(NIV) tells us, “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” This verse is so awesome that it’s almost too much to take in. God has provided everything for a Godly life. The way that He has chosen to do this is to make His life-giving truth available to us through the bible. By learning about God and His goodness, we can live a more than abundant life that is enriched by His glory.

    This more than abundant life includes having a wonderful spouse that will love and honor us as God’s daughters. We don’t have to force anything, and we don’t have to feel as though we must manipulate, spy, or coerce; but often this is what we resort to, and we’ve figured out very cute ways of doing it.

    We will call or text a brother 15 times a day, and convince ourselves that we’re just being caring and supportive, when in fact we’re acting out of insecurity. We don’t even give him a chance to miss us. Some of us will chase a man down if we sense that he’s not where he’s supposed to be when he’s supposed to be there. You can’t have eggs this fragile, and then place all of them in the basket of a person that is incapable of keeping them intact. Fragile things get broken.

    You can call, text, and be on a man’s trail 24/7, but if you’re insecure and vulnerable in your heart, you are going to be disappointed at some point. In Matthew 22:37, Jesus Christ tells us how to sure up our hearts. He said we should love the Lord our God with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. We are to love God with our everything. When our hearts are secure in God, and we are loving Him the way that His Word instructs us to, we will become strong in heart and spirit. We’ll be so immersed in God’s grace and glory that we won’t have time to chase after another person; we’re too busy chasing God.

    When it comes to handling and maintaining blessings, Heavenly Father has given us a framework of wisdom through His Word, and it is to seek Him in all things. This requires us to take our time, and to also be levelheaded enough to step back early in relationships, so that we can examine if it is the blessing we think it could be. We can dispense with the tricks and manipulations just to keep a man. All we have to do is trust the truth that God will bless us with someone that is honored to be with us, and everything that this brother does will reveal this to us in the most loving and secure way. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

     “What to Do to Keep Him”, written for findchristianman.com©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!