Category: Preparation for Marriage

Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I’ve always thought that this is a most profound piece of wisdom. It cuts right down to the meat of the matter. No one has power over you unless you give it to them. No one can make you feel inferior or be anything less than what you are unless you give away your authority in Christ Jesus. And so much of the time this is what happens with many women in relationships. We can become so infatuated with a man that all we see is the man and nothing else. Our world becomes wrapped around his thoughts, his feelings, and what he’s doing. We lose sight of everything else. Then, when he no longer respects the misplaced authority that we’ve handed over to him on a silver platter, we are left with deeply hurt feelings and a broken-heart. We trick ourselves into believing that our whole world is crumbling and falling apart, all because one human being has decided not to love us anymore. This is an absolute no-no! And I know that you know it and I know it too, but sometimes we need a refresher course. We need to remember that God made the heavens and the earth, and if we’re going to give over our hearts completely, it should only be to Him.

A whole lot of us start out thinking that it could never happen to us, and then it does. We become so wrapped up in the emotions of a relationship that we lose all sight of its true and Godly purpose. It’s so important to really do a mental, emotional and, most importantly, spiritual checkup to ensure that you will not let this happen. If at all possible, the time to do this is when you’re unmarried, so that you can develop your own special scale for measuring the spiritual balance that God expects from every mature woman of faith; it’s your way of making sure that you are prioritizing your relationship with God above all else.

Keep Your Daily Routines in Check
In developing a spiritual checkup for your life, examining your daily routines is a really important step. When it comes to all the demands on our time from home, work, and friends, often we just barely squeeze our spiritual well-being in sideways. Some of us only think about it one day a week, but it is important to do something that builds your spiritual endurance and strength in Christ on a daily basis. Faith is a muscle—a muscle that must be exercised in order to remain flexible and strong. Whether it’s reading and studying the Word, meditating on the goodness of God, or praying for more than 15 or 20 minutes; all of these or some version of a combination should be practiced daily.

Also understand that everything in your life right now is strategically positioned. The people, circumstances…your co-workers, church community, family, and band of friends—all are in your life on purpose. They provide opportunities for you to both be a blessing and receive a blessing. You want to make sure that you are getting your spiritual exercise in by spending time with the Lord daily; this is most important. But you also want to take time to sow those loving seeds of care into those who you love and who also love you.

Place God’s Agenda before Your Agenda
God said in Jeremiah 7:23 (NLT), “Obey me, and I will be your God, and you will be my people. Do everything as I say, and all will be well!” Heavenly Father has given us the gift and free-will. We make our own choices from day-to-day, and many people do this without so much as a thought regarding what God would have them to do. As born-again believers we cannot afford to live like that. We should awake each morning with a prayer on our lips, a prayer that seeks God for what we should do with our days. He holds our todays and tomorrows, and we need to check in with Him to ensure that we’re doing what He wants us to do, and not doing what He doesn’t want us to do.

It’s when we do not do what God wants us to do that we run into serious trouble. We start letting others control us and usurp our power in Christ. We let others dictate how we feel and respond to situations, and this is not what God wants. This is when your life starts to get off track, because you are placing another person or situation over your commitment to do what you know God requires. If you do what God tells you to do, He will see to it that you are blessed with the kind of relationship you desire. He’ll take care of your happiness, and see to it that you have peace and joy.

Balance Work, Rest, and Recreation
Ecclesiastes 3:1(NLT) tells us, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” There is time for all the things that are important to us, but the things of God come first. Certainly in a marital relationship this is one of the most important truths of our lives. In order to sustain a good relationship, you cannot cease or diminish your responsibilities to be a blessing to the body of Christ. You may, however, need to change the way in which you carry those responsibilities out. The important thing to remember here is that God will help you to balance work, rest, and recreation.

God is so pleased when we understand that we are only helped, and helped in the most advantageous ways, when we honor Him with our lives. This means that we dedicate ourselves to good work. James 3:13 (NLT) says “If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.” Work is very important to God. You have to maintain a great work ethic in order to please Him, and it is clear from God’s Word that we need to spend more time working than we do resting. The way to keep this all in balance is to lean on God. When we do what He requires, He will take care of all the rest. He’ll take care of our schedules, making sure that we have enough time for work, rest, and recreation.

Let me point you to a verse where one of the Word’s most magnificent pieces of truth just cuts right down to the chase. God says of Himself in Isaiah 66:1-3 (NLT) “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. Could you build me a temple as good as that? Could you build me such a resting place? My hands have made both heaven and earth; they and everything in them are mine. I, the LORD, have spoken! “I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts, who tremble at my word. But those who choose their own ways— delighting in their detestable sins— will not have their offerings accepted.”

This passage in Isaiah 66 is awesome beyond words. God declared His identity. He is speaking to us, letting us know exactly who He is. He’s God, the Creator of the universe. He’s our Heavenly Father. He is the most majestic, the most powerful. He is the Beginning and the End. We cannot bring Him down to our levels—nothing and no one deserves more praise and honor than our loving Heavenly Father. We must rise to see Him as the Great, Big Wonderful Father that He is.

God deserves to be number one in our lives. When a new man comes into your life, the things you do to demonstrate your reverence and honor for Heavenly Father should already be a habit pattern. The three, keeping your daily routines in check, placing God’s agenda in the number one spot, and balancing work, rest, and recreation, these are the things that honor God. They really ensure that you have the framework for maintaining your relationship with Him through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

As a mature Christian woman, you don’t want to wait until you’re in the thick of a relationship before you begin to think about these aspects of your spiritual life, you want to do it now. You want to make a commitment to maintain your spiritual well-being in Christ, and the only way to do this is by making sure that God is pleased. Then meeting your husband will not send your life into an emotional tailspin; it will be the blessing it is designed by God to be. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Three Ways to Avoid An Emotional Tail Spin” written for FindingChristianMan.com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! 

Many in modern society think it’s an antiquated notion for a man to be careful with a woman’s feelings and only seek to have a relationship with a woman he considers worthy of marriage. Heavenly Father is not interested in our opinions regarding the laws and statues He has created. They are drenched in His love and for our overall benefit. God’s standard is very clear, and His directive to any man seeking a relationship with a woman is to treat every woman with honor. It’s brilliant instruction, because the honor bestowed to the woman will be reciprocated. She will honor the man. God designed us to function this way in relationships. We learn very succinctly how wonderfully He has designed unity to work, and we also cultivate a deep appreciation for the blessing of unity in our relationships.  

When a man follows God’s standard of treating every woman with honor, he will never date two women at the same time. And as it relates to dating, he will endeavor to always be careful not to cause any emotional fractures to a woman’s heart. He will seek God to help him recognize the woman upon which he should invest his time, energy, and emotions. Seeking God is a requirement for everything in life, but it is especially important when pursuing and dating a potential partner. Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God’s Kingdom and God’s righteousness first, and in so doing, blessings will be added to us. All of us should make the righteousness of God our goal for handling the pursuit of relationships.  

I’ve personally known of situations involving two attractive, seemingly intelligent and well-suited people. They come together in a relationship, but ultimately the man just isn’t interested in making the woman his wife; and the woman was sure that he would be. Many women will want to continue the relationship under these circumstances, and will often pray for God to change the man’s heart. Heavenly Father is so loving and merciful to us, and His grace is amazing. But it is not wise on our part to ask God to help us continue to be dishonored.  

When the man has not lived up to God’s standard of how he should honorably behave towards the woman he’s in a relationship with, we must be willing to see this for what it is. It is very likely that he does not consider her worthy to be wifey. It would be wise for us, as women, to listen to what the man’s action, or lack thereof, is communicating. It is a very hard thing to accept, but if the man’s opinion of a woman is that she is good enough to date but not good enough to marry, it is often unproductive for her to continue hoping for him to change.  

1John 4:9-10(NLT) says, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” We are the apple of God’s eye. He loves us with an unyielding, unconditional, and limitless love. He wants the best for us always. There is never a time that God doesn’t want things to go well for us. He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, so that we could become His children, and have His Spirit abiding within us. The gifts of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are the greatest gifts that could ever be given in all of eternity. God saw fit to impart these gifts onto us. Heavenly Father will not help us lower ourselves. He helps us to go higher in Christ, so that we can see ourselves the way He sees us.  

Deep down a woman knows when she’s not being treated with the utmost honor and respect. When a relationship is in this condition, asking God to change the man’s heart means the woman has placed the emphasis on her perceived need for the man, and not on her need to see herself as deserving what God has for her. Spiritual maturity beckons us to grow beyond the practice of asking God to partner with our efforts to lower ourselves to the same level as a person’s low opinion of us.   

1 Peter 3:7 The Message (MSG) says, “The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” Again, God instructs the man to behave with honor towards women, so that when he marries, this honor is organically expressed out of a habit pattern he’s built in his manhood. As women, when our good appreciation of ourselves meets the standard of the example of Christ, it is inevitable that we will meet a man that will equal our standard. It’s not about the man giving you what you believe you deserve, but about you partnering with a man that helps you both remain in God’s plan and purpose for your lives.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

“Good Enough to Date but Not Good Enough to Marry” written for FindChristianMan.com©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

A dear friend received her divorce a couple of weeks ago, and her separation period had been long and difficult. She wanted to have a conversation with me about what she would do differently. She admitted that from the very beginning of her marriage, she was overwhelmed with the responsibility of an expanded family; both she and her ex-husband had children from previous marriages. She had a lot of unresolved pain from her past, and she brought it into the relationship. She knew that I would be able to relate to this. I’ve learned that it’s best to be very frank and honest when it comes to tackling one’s emotional well-being. It’s something we must do, because entering new relationships with unresolved insecurities and pain can cause patterns and mistakes to be repeated. Healing requires us to confront the fear that keeps us trapped. We desperately need God’s guidance, and we need wise friends that give us good counsel and tell us the truth.

Marriage and dating are different dynamics in the eyes of God. This is something we must consider before we enter into the commitment of marriage, because God wants us to choose the person that He has ordained to be our partners. This isn’t always the person we date. We attempt to make it this way, and it’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Dating in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship doesn’t carry the same level of commitment and covenant in God’s eyes. It is a mistake to think that it does, and this is why many people give themselves license to have sexual intimacy in a relationship with a person that isn’t a destiny partner. It’s a dangerous move.

Sometimes we chose the wrong people to marry, and we end up getting wounded and wounding another. We must consider God’s heart when it comes to the relationships we chose. Christ instructs us in Matthew 6:33 to seek God and His righteousness first in ALL things.

The Pain of Divorce
Pain is pain, no matter how you slice it. Our heart’s break when our relationships are torn apart. But when it involves a failed marriage, the stakes are higher when it comes to our relationship with God, and a greater demand is on us to repair the damage of our souls His way. Heavenly Father sets the priorities for achieving wholeness, and often, we don’t consider them. Our inclination is to make our brokenness centerstage, without considering how the sacredness and unity of our relationship with God is impacted. And not just our individual relationship with the Father, but we also should have some level of understanding and empathy about what has happened to the ex’s relationship with God; considering whether the divorce has impeded the potential of his future elevation in the Lord as well.

This is the compassion and awareness that God expects to see reflected in the heart and mind of a Christian, because the love of Christ in us should bring us to this place. Keeping it real, many of us are not there. Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first in all things. This is the priority. When something has gone terribly wrong, to the point that a marital union is severed, our first response should be to seek God. He knows every detail of our pain and struggle. He knows how to heal us in ways that will prevent the patterns or pathology that works against our ability to be whole.

In the case of divorce, our obligation to God is greater because we’ve asked Him to bless and join us together in marriage with another. This is truth, and truth is never meant to condemn or make someone feel bad, but to extend the tools of correction necessary to be better, so that God can be glorified. Divorce is an indicator of unresolved pain and toxic patterns. We need to be healed in places that only the Holy Spirit can reach.

First Step
It’s challenging to rally our emotions during divorce, but the Spirit will help us. Our first step in dealing with any degree of emotional distress, particularly divorce, should be to extend an earnest invitation to the Holy Spirit through the Lord Jesus Christ. We should repent, ask for Heavenly Father’s forgiveness, and invite the Holy Spirit to take control and bring us to a level of healing that places us exactly where the Father would have us to be.

Second Step
When something is broken, pieces fall to the ground. It hurts, because we feel the impact of them shattering. Typically, our first inclination is to pick them up. Every human being will do their very best to move towards wholeness. In so doing, we will make every attempt to recoup what we perceive as missing, and we often do this without the Spirit’s help. It cannot be done successfully without the Spirit’s guidance. He tells us what’s worth picking up, and what we need to leave on the ground.

Instead of trying to pick up the broken pieces ourselves, we must seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit continually. This requires you to have faith in Jeremiah 29:11(NLT), where God said, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Heavenly Father does not want you to remain in a state of sorrow, confusion, or condemnation. He wants you whole, pursuing your destiny, and functioning in the call of Christ. Know that despite what you’ve been through, wholeness in Christ is God’s plan for you, and the Holy Spirit will move you towards this goal, IF you are willing to be guided and led.

Third Step
Jesus Christ told us in John 16:13 that the Holy Spirit that indwells us will lead and guide us into all truth. The third step can be the most challenging, and it is absolutely crucial to your healing and wholeness. You must accept the truth, and you must do so with an attitude of releasing the shame that causes you to hide behind a lie. Divorce is a mirror for the pain that is in us. It’s not all the ex-spouse’s fault. They were a reflection of what we either couldn’t or wouldn’t see. It’s time to remove the veil.

The wisdom of Proverbs 15:22(NLT) states, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”  The Holy Spirit will lead you to the wise counsel of those who speak the truth. They may not do so in a way that cushions you or makes you comfortable, but you must hear the truth to heal. We cannot be healed by believing a lie about ourselves or about God’s goodness.

Be Whole
When the dust settles on any relationship that has gone wrong or ended, the look-back period can go as far as when you first met.  You start thinking about what attracted you to the ex and wonder to yourself how everything went from good to bad, then to ugly.  As women, we can be such emotional creatures. We’re not as kind to ourselves as we should be. God tells us that He’s the one that has plans for our future, but oftentimes, all we see is what’s staring us in the face. Usually, this limited vantage point will get us nowhere but knee-deep in regrets and negative thoughts. Look to your future positively through the promises of God. Renew a commitment to release the patterns and pathology that hold you back.

I recently sat in on a counseling session for a young Christian woman. It was about dating and preparation for marriage. The information I heard was so inspirational and wise, that I could only say to myself, I wish I had known this when I was her age. The wisdom she received was “You want to attract from a place of wholeness and maturity instead of from a place of weakness, because a marriage can’t be sustained on a shaky foundation!” God wants us to begin relationships from a place of wholeness. Have faith that this is His plan for your life. Give Him the time to work in you through the Holy Spirit, and trust in His process. Then you will be ready to move to the next level of growth and blessings He has in store for you.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“When Our Relationships Are Torn Apart” written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Spiritually preparing for marriage, Christian Advice for Singles, Growing in the Holy Spirit, Growing in Christ, the Mind of Christ, Spiritual Encouragement for Christian Women, Christian Women Ministry, Christian Women Organization

Life is constantly proving that in the blink of an eye, everything can change.  The unexpected can potentially cause a shift in our circumstances so swiftly that it can literally take our breath away. The notion of change or any of its cousins like transformation, correction, adjustment, or modification, will sometimes bring us to a place of anxiety. Very few of us realize how comfortable we’ve become in our present situations until we are confronted with an issue that refuses to cooperate with business as usual. We react to this in a bevy of different ways, and sometimes we abandon the very thing that anchors us, which is our relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. God knows our propensity to do this, and its why evidence of our diligence must be apparent before we take that walk down the aisle.

When a storm arises, no matter the magnitude, there’s going to be pressure. Many of us respond to this pressure with anxiety first, and then with desperation following somewhere in the not too distant vicinity. Some of us find ourselves making all kinds of promises to God, thinking that He will bargain with us, and accept our meager offering for the goodness of His grace and mercy. He doesn’t operate this way, but we will still try to use this tactic. Whatever we’re dealing with, God already knows about it. He allows the constant changes of life, both highs and lows, because they force us to grow in faith. If everything was always smooth sailing, most of us would choose to remain comfortable where we are, and never learn to walk by faith and not by sight.

Marriage is God’s institution. It is one of His ways of providing for His people. It is a bond of unity, and we know how much the enemy hates unity; he seeks to divide it on every turn. We can see evidence of this in real time, and it is one of the major reasons that God wants us strong, confident, and anchored in His love and wisdom BEFORE we get married. Now is the time to demonstrate our faith and trust in God’s Word. Our patience in waiting for the right person, and our diligence to stand strong through the challenges of life reflects our commitment to be full of God’s grace. Then our faith will withstand the strategies of the enemy.

In 2Corinthians 12:9(NLT), the Apostle Paul spoke about a troubling situation he was forced to face in his life. He called this issue a thorn in his flesh—a messenger from satan that was sent to torment him. Paul asked the Lord to take it away, and God’s response to him was “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Some people have interpreted God’s response to mean that Paul would have to continue to suffer the torment of the thorn, so that he would be humbled by the pressure of it. This is not an accurate interpretation.

Transporting you to new levels
God’s response to Paul reveals a spiritual strategy that would both transport and transform him. Make no mistake that life is a spiritual journey, and you are on it. God knows the path you should take, because He alone has planned your destiny. Sometimes we stray away from the path that we should be on. We make decisions and choices that don’t honor God, and therefore those decisions and choices do not honor us or what is best for our lives. We desire marriage with the person that God has ordained, yet, our actions move us in the opposite direction. The storms rage when this happens, and we find ourselves panicking in the middle of the ocean.

Many of us have endured broken relationships, numerous heartaches, and disappointment after disappointment. We can sympathize with Paul because our quest for marriage often leaves us with this panicking feeling. It’s a thorn in the flesh, but God has told us that His GRACE is ALL that we need. Confidence in His unmerited favor is an infallible spiritual strategy. It’s the answer to our troubles. In other words, God is telling us that instead of focusing on the problem, FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION. Focus on His goodness. Focus on His power and strength, because it works best in weakness. Instead of feeling as if you’re in the middle of nowhere without your bearings, let the Lord Jesus Christ be your guide; for Proverbs 3:6(NLT) tells us “Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” God knows where you ought to be, and He’ll show you which path to take if you’ll let Him.

Be Transformed
In Romans 12:2(NLT), God also tells us through the Apostle Paul, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” The thing we focus on will increase and grow. We can’t afford to focus on negativity when we’re trying to stay on the path of destiny and have what God says we can have. We must be transformed by the renewing of our minds to His Word. We have to change the way we think so that we are not shaken by plots and tricks that seek to undermine our faith. Instead, we must remain secure in Christ, with confidence that God’s grace will transport us to new spiritual heights as we are transformed into the spouses He desires us to be. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“A Confident Spouse” written for FindingChristianMan.com©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

In Jeremiah 29:11(NLT), our wonderful Heavenly Father declares, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” This verse is one that every Christian should know, because it builds a foundation in our hearts for understanding that God has a plan for every individual, and He has ordered our steps. This understanding about God’s plan also aides our prayer lives, because so often we go to God not realizing that we are trying to persuade Him to do what we want. Really what we should be doing is praying to understand His plan, so that we can do what He wants. As God’s children, we have the privilege of being in covenant with Him through the Lord Jesus Christ, and it is this covenant of doing what He desires of us that gives us greater access to His promises.

A covenant is a formal and binding agreement between two or more parties that is based on the performance of an action. Covenants have conditions, and they require a commitment from all those involved to hold up their ends. We should also understand that since there are conditions to a covenant, there are also consequences involved for breaking the covenant. In Old Testament Law or Mosaic Law, the conditions that people suffered for breaking covenant with God were so extreme that He calls them curses.

In Deuteronomy 28:15(NLT), Moses warned, “But if you refuse to listen to the LORD your God and do not obey all the commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come and overwhelm you.” He then went on to lay out exactly what those curses were, including disease, infertility, darkness, confusion, frustration, and extreme lack. God’s plan was to help and instruct His people how to stay in the territory of His goodness, safety, and provision; and to keep them out of the devil’s territory of curses, chaos, and terror. Many of them did not heed God’s instruction.

He tells us in Jeremiah 31:31-34(NLT), “31”The day is coming,” says the Lord, “when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel and Judah. 32 This covenant will not be like the one I made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand and brought them out of the land of Egypt. They broke that covenant, though I loved them as a husband loves his wife,” says the Lord. 33 “But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel after those days,” says the Lord. “I will put my instructions deep within them, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.”

The New Covenant that God speaks of in Jeremiah 31:31-34 is one He has made with us through the Lord Jesus Christ. It is one of grace. He made a covenant with those He delivered out of Egypt, and they broke it, even though He loved them like a husband. This gives us our strongest message regarding how God feels about the marriage covenant, and how it should be bound in the unity of love. He’s made a covenant with us and has written it deep in our hearts through the Holy Spirit. He gave the world His only begotten Son to be sacrificed for our sins. He did this to secure His relationship with us, so that we are assured that He is our Father—our Source, Sufficiency, and Everything; and we are His people.

With God, covenants are very serious business. Psalm 105:8(NKJV) says, “He remembers His covenant forever, the word which He commanded, for a thousand generations.” This verse helps us to understand how important covenants are to God. He honors them forever. It demonstrates His incredible commitment to His promises. We must also recognize that not only is marriage God’s institution, it is also a covenant that we make first to Him through the Lord Jesus Christ, and then to our spouses. Once two people are joined together in marriage, Heavenly Father sees them as one person.

We are a covenant people. Covenants are a way for Heavenly Father to bless us. They back His allegiance to do what He says, and He always planned to establish them with His children. This is why marriage is so important to Him. It is an extension of His promise to take care of us in every way. As we go to Him in prayer for our quests to cross paths with our future spouses, we must also recognize that in His plan this is already provided. Our responsibility is to pray for a level of faithfulness, strength, and spiritual maturity that causes us to be as committed to the covenant of marriage as He requires. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“The Covenant of Marriage” written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

If we ask God to bless us in a certain area, and we haven’t seen any movement whatsoever, are we to surmise that God didn’t hear us the first time we prayed, or is He just not ready for us to have what we asked for? Someone posed these questions to me the other day. At first I was hesitant to respond immediately, because people are used to hearing the same answers to questions like these. We’re told “You need to keep the faith!” or “You need to be more patient…” And let’s not forget, “Sometimes God tells us ‘NO!’ and we need to accept it!” That’s the one I like least. The last thing any Christian would want to do is discourage someone from continuing to trust the mighty power of God. Proverbs 27:17(NLT) tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” So, we very definitely should encourage each other as single Christians, but as some of us continue to wade through what can seem like a molasses of loneliness, how do we give answers that will bring real and lasting comfort?

Marriage is the most important decision any human-being can make in their lives outside of receiving our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is not a simple thing or something we should ever take lightly, and the majority of us have made this mistake. Because we have not placed marriage in its proper spiritual context, our desire for it loses the Christ-element that God requires. It can be challenging to communicate this in a simple explanation.

It is beyond crucial that we make the right decision regarding marriage, and Heavenly Father makes this very clear. A critical aspect to marriage that we forget or overlook is the truth that it is God’s institution, and He set the standard for it. Jesus Christ tells us about this standard in Matthew 19, when Pharisees, trying to test him, asked if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason. He told them that God made human-beings male and female; because of this, a man will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This is God’s standard, not ours, and the implications are so deeply and spiritually impactful that we would be shocked to know how much. We forget that marriage is a covenant in which the partners are ordained by God long before they are born. Yet, many of us chose to marry someone that isn’t the person Heavenly Father ordained to be with us. We do the choosing, have a ceremony, and then ask God to bless something He never ordained. That’s not working out too well for a whole lot of folks.

The reason why this is so important to get right is because of what Jesus Christ says in verse 6(NLT), “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” These are the words of our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ. He said “LET NO ONE separate a union that God has joined together. Can you imagine the price one pays for separating what God has put together?

Jesus Christ said that adultery is the only grounds that are recognized by Heavenly Father for which divorce is an option. So, we can see that marriage in Heavenly Father’s eyes is very serious business, and as singles looking to partner, we should only desire the person God desires for us. Many singles don’t have this mind-and-heart-set, and this is why many marital unions today are not put together by God. Sometimes we see individuals that are just depleted in every way from an unhappy marriage, because they married someone that was never meant to be a destiny partner.

Maybe you’ve heard a dear sister say, “I’ve been asking God to bless me with a husband, and for whatever reason, I can’t get a man to even look my way. It must be that God isn’t ready to bless me yet, because I don’t believe it’s me.”  I’ve heard this many times, and each time it tugs at my heart, because I know the emotional struggle that comes with being single longer than you’d like. But sisters, we must be spiritually anchored in Christ to be ready to partner.

God knows our hearts. In Deuteronomy 11:22(NLT), Moses told God’s people, “Be careful to obey all these commands I am giving you.  Show love to the Lord your God by walking in His ways and holding tightly to Him.” This is the heart that God is waiting on us to develop. He has watched to see if we will wait for the man that He has ordained, or if we will be impatient and choose someone without getting His stamp of approval. Many of us have not proved our faithfulness in this area. We’ve sinned against our body-temples with men who were not ordained as our covenant partners, and we never truly repented for this sin.

Our Heavenly Father loves us so much. He gave us His Word, the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the indwelling Holy Spirit, so that we can have a relationship with Him that meets His standard. When it does, all the other relationships we cultivate will flow out of a well of love so tremendous that blessings chase us down. This is what every single believer needs to know. Marriage is not necessary to live this kind of blessed existence, but if we desire it, we must walk in the way of God’s Word and hold tightly to Heavenly Father, so that our future marital union is an ordained and blessed one. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Union Ordained and Blessed by God” written for FindingChristianMan.com©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Jesus Christ said in John 15:8(NLT), “When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.” Notice the distinction that Christ made between disciples, and ‘true disciples’. The added adjective ‘true’ makes a big deal. It singles out the fact that there’s an undeniable quality of truth that distinguishes those in the faith that are producing fruit and those that are not. You can’t be in the producing business without knowledge, and this is why this teaching is so incredibly and immensely important to the single Christian woman that is desiring to partner.

I pray with everything in my being that you will take the time to read this teaching, because the Word of God that it contains can impact your endeavors to partner in such a major way. As you know, knowledge is one of the golden keys to exercising the power of Christ in our lives. The more you know about the Word of God, the more you increase in every way imaginable. The truth, if believed, will always yield positive results. And that’s really what a formula is all about—achieving results.

Is There a Formula?

In everyday life, from the workplace to recreation, if we follow protocols, procedures, and directions; ultimately, we will yield the thing of which we’ve sought to achieve. God has blessed us with the wherewithal to comprehend this. Most of us have an expectation that if we do what is required, a result will be achieved. If we expect this in everyday life, why would we expect less from God’s Word.

God’s Word works with a mathematical precision. He’s exact and so is His Word. We can count on it with razor sharp specificity, and its promises will never fail us; not ever! So with this being said, is there a biblical formula for meeting a solid brother—a good dude in the Lord—and then partnering up?

Just about any dictionary will tell us that a formula is a concise or exact way of expressing information, to the end that a concise or exact result is achieved. A formula is something that we humans use to break down information so that it makes sense to us, and so that it can then be used as a building block for greater insight and understanding. God doesn’t need formulas. He’s omnisciently perfect and knows everything there is to know. We, on the other hand, need ways to dissect and break down information so that we can take it in bit by bit. Throughout history God has been incredibly patient as we’ve done this with His Word.

He designed our brains to compute and extract the fundamental components of learning in many, many ways. So, you might not like the word ‘formula’, but it doesn’t matter what you call it, the knowledge of God’s Word activates our faith in Christ to such a degree that we can ask the Father for anything according to His Will, and He will do it. If you’ve asked, and asked, and asked—and you’re still locking lips with toads, at some point you’ve got to deduce that something in your faith arsenal is missing in action.

These missing pieces are pieces of information that you’ve yet to discover about God’s Word and the person of Jesus Christ. These are missing pieces of the formula that your brain and heart need in order to trigger an avalanche of new revelation and comprehension. Once discovered, learned, and put into practice, these pieces of the formula will stir up the gift within you and elevate your faith to such a degree that you can’t help but to walk with greater vigor and power. This is the place where you are poised to run smack dab in the face of your future honey.

What It Takes…

Running in to someone cute and new doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be skipping down that aisle real soon. You’ve got to keep on saturating your mind and heart with truth. Listen, you may cross path with a ton of dudes, and one of them may be Mr. Right—he just may be the one, and that’s wonderful, but you have no idea at this point the amount of spiritual growth, tenacity, love, and faith that it will take. To move things from “Sure like you a lot” to “I LOVE YOU!”, you need the glue of the Holy Ghost, because without it a relationship can turn to dust in less time than a blink of an eye, especially if you make the wrong moves, and make them too quickly.

The bottom line is that you’ve got to produce! If you haven’t produced fruit for the Kingdom, how can you produce fruit that sustains a marriage? God is a God of order. First things first. Nothing happens without faith, and God requires us to exercise it first on HIS business, then the other things come easy to us. Faith is the stuff God used to create, and He has given it to us to build something wonderful for His kingdom. He wants you to partner so that you and hubby can create something beautiful together. But right now, your faith needs to be strengthened in the Lord.

Your relationship with God must be tighter. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:33 that seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness must be first on our priority lists. This must always be our first action-step in any formula. God’s Will comes first! You need to see Him greater and you may also need a greater revelation concerning the person of Jesus Christ. So the formula for meeting Mr. Right is the same formula for spiritual growth. You’ve got to stay in the Word, understand what you read and study, believe it with your whole heart, and then act upon it! That’s a formula that never fails. ■

“Is There A Formula To Meeting Someone New?”written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

One of the most sound pieces of advice that I can give to single women is to be as discreet and private as possible when it comes to your personal life; especially at the very beginning of a new relationship. I’ve counseled many women in this area, many of them have lived to regret being so open and candid to their friends about the new man in their life. If you heed my advice, it’s very possible that you may come across as secretive to some. That’s ok! Discretion is very important to God. We know this because there’s a lot He has placed in His Word for us to know, but there are many more mysteries that He hasn’t revealed; and He has good reason.

Jesus Christ gave us a warning in Mathew 6:1-4(NLT). This passage tells us, “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. 3 But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. 4 Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”

The context of this passage is about giving, sharing, and being of service. That sounds a whole lot like marriage, doesn’t it?!! Our Master Jesus cuts right down to the meat of the matter as he warns us about our motives for putting our kind deeds on blast. We’re very often motivated out of a need to be admired by others. We want them to be impressed with what we’ve got going on. Jesus has stamped this practice with a serious “NO!”

Marriage is increase! It’s the most substantial investment in another’s life that a person can make. As a good steward, we should endeavor to show ourselves worthy. Part of this good practice is keeping quiet about certain details regarding what God is doing in this area of our lives. Jesus tells us that if we’re continually spilling the beans and showboating, that’s all the reward we’ll get. This is not what we want, Sisters. We should want God to reward us by preserving our relationships and causing them to flourish in every way.

Jesus instructs us not to let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. The wisdom of this is breathtaking. Jesus knows that the enemy can’t steal what he can’t see. As Godly women partnering with the Lord to protect our unions, we should not let our business slip out in the open; then we won’t let the devil see what is unspoken. A person can give the enemy eyes to see and ears to hear if they’re always speaking about their hidden treasures. The longer you keep it quiet, the more chance you give yourself and the relationship to grow.

We also have to make sure that what we’re dealing with is truly a presentation of the Lord. There’s always a possibility that the person we think is Mr. Right is actually Mr. Right for Now, but not for the future. We need time to access and test.

Being discreet about our new relationships has nothing to do with fear. God tells us in 1John 4:18(NLT) that “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”  Love obliterates fear, but we have a responsibility to walk in a spiritually mature Christ-kind-of-love. This means we must comprehend that being discreet is a discipline that goes with love. Again, being discreet helps us to build a relationship, and keep it strong. If you’ll pray about this, the indwelling Holy Spirit will help you stay on the right path. So make a conscious effort to have self-control in this area. Let the Spirit guide you regarding what you can, can’t or shouldn’t say regarding your new relationship. If the Spirit doesn’t release you to speak it forth, keep it quiet.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Building Love and Keeping it Strong” written by FACM, Finding A Christian Man.Com ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!