Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • Old Feelings Creeping Back in

    Ephesians 4:23 tells us to be renewed in the spirit of our minds. We are to continually read, study, and ingest the Word of God so that our minds remain sharp with wisdom and revelation. If our minds are not renewed with the knowledge of God’s Word, they might revert back to what they’re used to, which is those old habit patterns that cause us to self-sabotage. I was reminded of this when I had a discussion the other day with a close friend. She told me how much being celibate and trusting God has caused her to grow spiritually in the last year. Prior to her commitment of abstinence, she dated a man for three years. At a point where she thought he would propose, he expressed to her that he just wasn’t ready for marriage. She was courageous and took a stand for herself then, but old feelings are creeping back in.

    Relationships require glue, and hope is most definitely part of the bond. You meet someone that seems to fit, and you begin to emotionally invest by hoping for the best. You hope that the person’s level of commitment will at least meet yours, and that you both will want similar things out of life. You hope that the person will grow to love you as much as you love them. And because we hope, we sometimes ignore the handwriting on the wall. There are signs along the way that signal things might not be heading in the direction you assumed, but you continue to hope. Sometimes, the plain and simple truth is that you’ve invested your emotions in the wrong person. Your hope is deferred, and this can be a difficult thing to accept.

    Proverbs 13:12(NLT) tells us, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.”  Over a year ago, when it became resoundingly clear that this man was seriously not ready for a marriage commitment, my friend realized that she owed it to herself to let go of what wasn’t working. Understandably, she agonized over the decision, and it hurt, but she was resolved that she was making the right choice. In her heart, she knew her stand on God’s Word was compromised by continuing to stay in the relationship. She felt so great about her commitment to put God first, but a recent phone call has brought back all those old feelings. She said, “I talked to him today, and I realized that I’m still in love with him. He has this hold on me that just doesn’t seem to go away!”

    Ephesians 6:10-12 The Message(MSG) reminds us, “And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.”  We forget that the enemy studies our weaknesses and attacks us when we’re most vulnerable. We also forget that he’s after our destinies, and he’s trying to swindle us out of them by dangling the low hanging fruit of second best.

    My friend had the benefit of having her ex tell her the truth. Some men never do. They continue to string women along with the hope of marriage, when they have no intention of ever fulfilling it. God wants us strong, and many of us struggle to be emotionally strong in our relationships with men, because we want their love and commitment so desperately. The spiritual lesson that no Christian woman should ever overlook is that our commitment to God through the Lord Jesus Christ must always and forever be first. We must never allow our obedience to God to take a backseat to pleasing anyone, including the significant person in our lives. Trouble in relationships will be on repeat until we learn this lesson, because our faith in God must be proven to pass the test.

    1 Peter 1:6-7 The Message (MSG) tells us, “6-7 I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.”  When triggered, old feelings are known to creep back in, but we must be strong in the Lord and close the door to them. Be confident that when you choose to honor God and overcome the temptation to acquiesce to something that isn’t God’s best, it may seem that your hope is deferred for a little while, but it isn’t in vain. God’s love restores whatever appears to be lost to us. If our faith is firmly in Him, He will cause our dreams to come true. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

     “Old Feelings Creeping Back in”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Is Mr. Right Saved?

    Someone said to me the other day, “You’re the only saved person I know!” When I heard this, I was instantly put on notice that my actions and conversations were on display; not only for this person, but for anyone that I come in contact with. They say that one represents many, and I have found this to be true. For every person that expresses an opinion to you or about you, there are others that feel the same way, although you might not personally hear it. So, when the person made this statement, I was immediately reminded that there are other unbelievers for whom my Christianity is front and center. It was not lost on me for one second that my influence is directly linked to the amount of God’s Word that I live. The person that made the statement to me cosigned this fact, and was moved to the point of letting me know that they have noticed the difference between me and others around them. Let this serve as a reminder that the person who is right for you may need to be captivated by your light.

    We are called by God to BE different and to MAKE a difference! He instructs us in Colossians 4:5-6(NLT), “Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” You might not realize it, but there are tons of people that do not know about the Lord Jesus Christ. They were raised in families who have never worshipped God and don’t own a bible. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 9:37, over two thousand years ago, that the harvest truly is plenteous, but the laborers are few. This is probably more true today than it was when he walked the earth.

    There are more unbelievers in this world than believers. As single Christian women desiring to be married, we can’t put our heads in the sand on this one. It is entirely possible that your future husband doesn’t currently have a tight relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. When you meet him, does this mean you kick him to the curb?

    God’s instruction to us is to live wisely among the unbelieving. Living wisely means that we don’t invest romantic feelings of affection and intimacy before we know what’s up. Sometimes we miss the Will of God for our lives because we jump prematurely. God tells us to make the most of EVERY opportunity. He’s telling us here how to store up treasures for the future we’ve dreamed about. Through us, God will do something wonderful in the lives of those who see us live Godly before them. Our witness will be noticed, even when we think no one is looking.

    Jesus Christ said us in Acts 1:8 (NLT), “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”  God will save people through our witness. Their lives can be transformed by the example of our Godliness, and by our moral character and behavior. The absolute worst thing we can do is to impede God plans for an individual in any way. We don’t want to be a hindrance; we want to partner with the Lord’s efforts, and He’s told us exactly how to get this done. He told us in Colossians 4:6 to let our conversation be gracious, so that we respond to everyone in the right way.

    Not only do we have to watch what we say and how we say it, we’ve got to be conscious about what we do and how we think.  We can’t just talk the talk, we’ve got to walk the walk. Single sisters must remember that just as God says in Proverbs 31 that a good wife is a gift to the man, a good husband is a gift to the woman as well. A devoted spouse is often one of the rewards of cultivating our relationship with God and growing into our true identities as representatives of Christ.

    Psalm 84:11 assures us that “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” One of the greatest mistakes that single Christian sisters make is to shortchange the impact of living the Word. This decimates their faith towards marriage. The Word of God is alive!  Hebrews 4:12(NLT) tells us, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” The desire of our hearts must be to please God more than anyone else. We have to keep His Word alive in our hearts, so that our faith makes a strong impression about who we are. We cannot skimp on this. It’s too important.

    Is Mr. Right saved? He may not be right now, but if your commitment is on point with Colossians 4:5-6,  this could change!■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Is Mr. Right Saved?”,written for findchristianman.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • God’s Iron-Clad Guarantee

    Many single Christian sisters would very much like to be married. Getting married has held the number one spot on their prayer lists for quite a while. Some of them are crying out to God with a sense of urgency because of their age. They’d like to start a family and fear that if another year goes by without meeting their future husbands, they’ll be further away from the dream in their hearts. And we have to keep it real, many of God’s devoted daughters have maintained a vow of abstinence. They don’t want to slip up and do something against the Will of the Father, but wonder if they have the strength to keep holding on. Other sisters have been waiting on the right man for so long, that they’re losing faith he even exists. All of these sisters are wondering how much longer they must wait.

    Psalm 84:11(NLT) tells us, “For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” It may feel as though something is keeping the blessing of a husband at bay, but it isn’t Heavenly Father. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we’re doing everything we possibly can to receive the blessing, but the reality is that we may not be on the right path. This can be difficult to hear, but God’s Word is true. It is the only truth we can rely on with a guarantee of one-million-multiplied-by-infinity percent. God’s Word guarantees that He does not fail, that His Word is truth, and that He will never forsake us.

    With this kind of iron-clad guarantee from Heavenly Father, we have no other choice but to conclude that there must be something in our application of faith principles that isn’t quite lining up. We must remember that Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes by hearing the Word. God’s Word summons faith. It causes it to come on the scene and get some stuff done. Are you speaking the Word enough? Are you thinking the Word enough? Because it is our responsibility, as doers of the Word, to give faith a shonuff’ workout. Faith ought to be so tired of you summoning it to come by the Word of God, that it has no other choice but to perform according to Heavenly Father’s iron-clad promises.

    We also have to ask ourselves if we are activating our faith through effective prayers. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:8 (NLT), “For your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!” God knows exactly the caliber of man you need to love and support you on your spiritual journey in Christ. There isn’t any detail about your future husband and impending marriage that God doesn’t know. The specificity of which God knows your need is beyond exact, yet He still tells you to ask. He still requires that we pray in faith. This means that there must be something about the asking that is important to the receiving.

    Proverbs 19:21(NLT) tells us, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” Heavenly Father has given us precious promises in His Word. He loves it when we have high expectations, but sometimes we take His promises and try to mold them to fit into the plans we’ve constructed. This is where things fall apart. God will perform that which He has promised. Not trusting this is the reason many sisters spend longer than they’d like in wait-mode. Instead of leaning on Him in full surrender, we’ve tried to execute God’s purpose by fitting it into our small boxes, and this will not work. He’s a Great Big Wonderful God. He’s got strategies, resources, avenues, and paths that you and I could never imagine. We’re in no position to dictate to God. He is calling us ever so close to Him, because we must establish intimacy in our relationship with Heavenly Father before anything else.

    It’s this intimacy with God that allows us to hear His instructions, and to begin to walk them out through little steps of obedience. Are you willing to surrender your plans to Heavenly Father, or do you want things your way? Are you interested in pulling back all the layers, and holding yourself accountable to the truth? Are you praying that your future husband is prepared for your shortcomings? All of us have them. We’ve got idiosyncrasies and weaknesses, and keeping it 100, some of them have repelled the love we desire for ourselves. We’ve had issues from previous relationships that we haven’t dealt with. We haven’t sought the Lord for healing, nor have we had the patience to allow Jesus Christ to teach us to overcome.

    Sisters, spiritual preparation for marriage is a must, and you and I can’t get it done on our own. We must be led by the indwelling Holy Spirit to explore the areas that need God’s healing and power. And we must be obedient and humble enough to let Him take the lead. God sanctioned marriage. He loves families, and unity is His brand. His promises are iron-clad, and our faith in Him must be as well. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “God’s Iron-Clad Guarantee”, written for findchristianman.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Return to Sender

    If you were to receive a letter or package in the mail that doesn’t belong to you, normally, the postal service will allow you to write “return to sender” on it; they will return it to the original sender at no cost. This is an antidote for life. When it comes to receiving anything that isn’t authorized by God Almighty Himself, it needs to go back to where it came from. Whether it’s a job, a new relationship, or even financial increases, you want to make sure that anything and everything new in your life has your name on it, that it’s been stamped by the Lord Jesus Christ and is completely orchestrated by Heaven above.

    You may think that’s going a bit over-board, but really when it comes to our lives, we can’t afford to make costly mistakes, because they consume a lot of time. They deplete our stamina and cause us to lose momentum on our Christian journeys. We can regain stamina and momentum, but time is lost forever; so, we need to be careful about the decisions and choices we make. Regardless of what it may be, you want God’s approval above all else.

    My father would say to my sisters and me, “When you lay your heads down on your pillow at night, you are the ones that have to be happy and at peace with whatever choices and decisions you’ve made today.” This piece of wisdom has stuck in the recesses of my mind for many, many years, because it cuts straight to the chase of the monumental effect that one simple choice can have on one’s life.

    Some years ago, a close acquaintance was in the real estate business and owned quite a number of properties. He was very well known as a savvy and successful business man. I told him I was in the process of looking to purchase my first home, and he was very eager to assist.  He even went so far as to set up a meeting for me with one of his top associates to discuss different options for first-time home buyers. Once it came down to signing some paper work, my spirit whispered that this was not the right move, and that working with my friend was not the right direction.

    I thought, “Why am I second guessing this?” It seemed logical. My friend had been in this real-estate game for many years. He knows all the ins and outs of home-buying, and he had seemingly popped back in my sphere at a very opportune moment. At first glance, it looked as if my friend was sent by God for the purpose of helping me navigate this big purchase, but internally, the Holy Spirit was not confirming the package. While God certainly can move and work through anyone to bless His people, our first responsibility as His children is to be attentive to His Spirit, and the indwelling Holy Spirit was nudging me to examine the package I had received more closely. It didn’t have my name on it.

    The enemy is insidious and will use even well-meaning individuals to counterfeit a blessing and trick us into accepting something that was never meant for us. In John 8:32(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” He’s telling us about the confirmation of the truth; it makes us free. There’s a feeling of peace associated with this freedom, and whenever we don’t have it, the Spirit will call attention to the absence of it. He, the indwelling Holy Spirit, was pulling me in another direction, and I chose to follow Him. I trusted God to steer me, and of course, He backed my faith every step of the way. This is how many single women have to be when it comes to new relationships with someone that is seemingly delivered into their lives. We can’t assume this person is sent from God. We must be patient and wait for the Lord’s confirmation.

    God tells us through the Apostle Peter in 1Peter 5:8(NLT), “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” As God’s people, our posture should always be one of alertness, paying attention to what is happening internally, in our spirit-man, and also paying attention to what is going on externally, examining anything that is sent our way.

    Psalm 37:5 (NLT) tells us, “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” Life is filled with complex choices and challenges, and this is why we must seek God first in all that we do, and commit everything to Him. As His children, we only want to invest in those things that He has put His stamp of approval on. If He hasn’t, the Holy Spirit will let us know, and we can then mark it “return to sender” at no cost. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “Return to Sender!”, written for findchristianman.com©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Foolish Decisions that Look Smart

    “Common sense is not so common.” I chuckle to myself every time I hear this wise old saying. There is so much truth in those words. Common sense is the good sound judgment that is presumed most people will possess. Each of us come to the table with our own uniqueness, and our brains might process and catalog information differently, but there are some things that one would hope is common to most human beings. This commonality when it comes to practical matters allows us to communicate and understand each other. It can at times be the framework to begin new relationships. The truth is that some of us just plain ol’ don’t have common sense in certain areas, and sometimes we need some extra help.

    Proverbs 9:8-9 (NLT) is one of those mega verses that will help us to have success in any area of our lives. It says, “8 So don’t bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you. But correct the wise and they will love you. 9 Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser.” God tells us very plainly not to worry about the haters. They’re out there. They don’t want to see us shine, will try and squash our success, and they hate what we stand for. Jesus Christ told us in John 15:18-19(NLT), “18 If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” So, it should come as no surprise when folks that don’t even know our hearts will automatically dislike or hate us, and will do so for no other reason than we represent Christ.

    Heavenly Father also draws a distinction and contrast in Proverbs 9:8-9 that we can’t afford to ignore. He tells us that wise folks have a certain characteristic in common. If you correct them, they will love you. Wise people have an innate desire to become wiser. They understand that iron sharpens iron, and will not reject wisdom, but know that it is to their full advantage to accept it.

    I’m reminded of someone that hasn’t spoken to her mother in over three years. She’s planning a fall wedding and having difficulty with the thought of not having her mother be a part of it. I asked, “Why not just pick up the phone and call her?” She said that she just couldn’t, because her mother still hasn’t apologized for choosing her sister’s side of an argument. If she can hold a grudge for this long against the woman that birthed her, imagine what she will do with her future husband.

    The wisdom of common sense is essential, but we so often miss it. This woman’s future husband, who is fully aware of the issue, hasn’t yet seen his fiancée’s resentment against her mother for the red flag it clearly is. Holding on to a grudge will block the flow of God’s love. It will destroy the goodness that love in our relationships can bring as well.

    My grandmother use to say, “you can’t teach a fool nothing.” I thought it was a harsh statement, but as I’ve grown, I understand that being foolish is often preventable and avoidable. We yield to foolish whims sometimes because we will not humble ourselves to the wisdom of God’s Word. Many of us want instant love as quickly as we can have it. We want quick food, we want to get to our destinations quick, and we want resolutions on the double. When this is our attitude, we’re vulnerable to foolish decisions that look smart.

    The truth is that many of us are watering down our faith because we’d rather have milk than meat. We’d rather leap than take the time to really examine what’s under the hood. If you’re looking to partner well, you must avoid this stance at all cost. Proverbs 14:12(NLT) warns, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” Children of God should always want to do things God’s way. We think we have it all figured out, but God sees the entire scope of our lives, and His Word will never lead us astray. We truly need to build a relationship with Heavenly Father that is anchored in humility and trust. When it is, common sense will lead us to lean on Him and wait on His instruction, because His wisdom will always help us avoid making foolish decisions.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Foolish Decisions that Look Smart”,written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Down on One Knee

    When a man decides to go down on one knee and ask a woman to be his wife, it means he’s seen something within her that has touched his heart profoundly. He’s determined that his search is over, because he’s discovered in her what could not be found in others. This is a choice that he’s made in every way; mentally, emotionally, physically, and most importantly spiritually. It’s a choice that signals heaven above, and everything beneath it, that he intends to spiritually join so tightly with a woman that the two become one. This is what many single women are hoping and praying will soon happen to them.

    Going down on one knee is a significant gesture. We see a form of this in the Word of God. Regarding the judgment seat of Christ, Romans 14:11(NLT) tells us, “As surely as I live,’ says the LORD, ‘every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will confess and give praise to God.’” Philippians 2:9-11(NLT) says, “9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Every knee will bow to the Lord Jesus Christ. This is truth! It will happen, of this we can be sure.

    From this truth, we have an inkling of what is necessary to demonstrate extreme reverence, honor, and respect. Anything glorious deserves glory. Anything respectful deserves respect. To bow before Jesus Christ is not only an incredible privilege, it is also acknowledgement of our understanding of who he is. In His Word, God teaches us that actions convey what is in our hearts, and when those actions match the truth of God’s love and majesty, the jewels of commitment and unity are revealed. And so it is with a man’s understanding of the blessing of a wife. His reverence to God, to the institution of marriage, and his respect for the commitment he is aiming to make; all of this is evident when he goes down on one knee.

    Love’s barometer
    Ephesians 5:25(KJV) is God’s requirement to husbands. It says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” This verse is a ‘LOVE’ barometer for every woman. It gives us the exact point of reference needed to measure our own expectations, and to also measure a man’s capacity to love. If the Lord has commanded a man to love his wife in the same way that Christ loves the church, then the man must be capable of doing so. It would be a huge affront and infraction to believe that a man lacks the capacity to love this way, for God has mandated that he must, and therefore can.

    As a woman believing to marry the person God has ordained to walk with you through life, you must have a firm grasp of God’s standard of how you should be respected as a Daughter of Zion. You must also make sure you are respecting yourself as God’s precious one, and that your mind and heart are full of hope and faith. We don’t have to strive and struggle. Heavenly Father has got this! He will see to it that we are loved in a way that pleases Him IF we are committed to seek His Will in all we do. If for one second, your beliefs run counter to this, you are hurting yourself. Our wrong beliefs are a buffer between us and the blessings we seek. Wrong believing is doubt, and doubt does not come from the Kingdom of God, but from the kingdom of satan. There should be no place for doubt in the heart of a believing Daughter of Zion, because doubt repels love and doesn’t attract it. Do yourself a favor, trust in what God has for you!

    Sow on good ground
    1 John 3:18 (NLT) teaches us, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” It’s been said time and time again that getting married and saying “I Do” is the easy part; it’s staying together that snags people up. Sometimes people marry before they’ve given themselves time to find out if it’s a divine presentation. Their chief motivation is physical rather than spiritual. To sow is to invest, and when we invest our hearts into a person, and do so in a way that doesn’t please God, we’ve not invested wisely. We’ve not shown the truth by our actions, because we’re not acting in God’s love, but perhaps we’re acting out of lust or desperation; both are beneath our privilege as God’s beloveds. A better way is to get tight with God so that we’re confident our motives are pure and based on the love of Christ. Best practice is to inspect before we invest. We need to hear from God as to whether we’re sowing on good ground.

    Worth the wait
    When a man bows on one knee to ask for his queen’s hand in marriage, it symbolizes his willingness to submit all that he has in service, love, and support of her. He’s willing to decrease so that they can increase together as they stand before God in Christ. It’s an awesome aspect of God’s plan of unity. As women of God, we should never try to force a man to honor us in this way. The grace of God we exhibit will compel him to do so. This is an honor that is always going to be worth the wait. 

    God has called us to be His Holy Daughters, to be women of great love, compassion, and care. The light of our hope will forever be in the promises of God. We should be confident that Heavenly Father never disappoints, but loves us unconditionally. His greatest delight is to see us happy and blessed. So, let your confidence in your future marriage and spouse be anchored in your faith in the goodness of God. Remain positive in thought and mind, because God is swelling the well of gratitude in your soul, so that you can know the depth of honor you’re receiving when your future husband goes down on one knee. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Down on One Knee”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Be the Change You Want to See

    A distant relative has been having issues in her marriage for a long time. The situation is complicated, and would make it extremely challenging for any woman to stay. She’s gone through stages of tremendous anger about it, but surprisingly hasn’t ended the marriage although she’s threatened to do it many times. Every now and again, I check in with her to see how she’s doing. Recently, when I spoke to her about the situation, she said to me, “I haven’t made up my mind yet on whether I’m filing for divorce. I’ll see how I feel by the end of the week.”

    Marriage can be the most rewarding experience that life offers. It can also be the most hurtful experience in life. Someone going through a difficult marriage might say that if they had known things would turn out the way that they did, they would never have gotten married in the first place. As deliriously happy as they were on their wedding day, they regret ever taking that walk down the aisle. I’ve personally heard husbands refer to their exes in the most degrading terms, because they were treated so poorly by their wives during the marriage. Even years after their divorces, they’re still carrying the hurt.

    When our marriages don’t go quite the way we envisioned, it is easy to surmise that our bitterness is the fault of the person who wronged us. Some spouses even attempt to blame God that they ended up with so much heartache. The truth is that no person has the power to transform another individual. We become who we are by the choices we make, and just as we made the decision on our own to marry the person, we can also make the decision to heal and grow beyond the hurt we have endured.

    In the case of my relative, it almost feels as though she’s waiting for something to happen, and this will be the thing that almost makes the decision for her. There’s a saying, “be the change you want to see.” In spiritual terms, this means that we ought to recognize the extent to which we’ve been empowered by God to construct our own lives, and then begin to build our faith accordingly.

    In Mark 11:23(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.” Our Lord and Savior is very specific in this verse. He’s not speaking about his ability. He’s not referring to the ability of the Father or the Holy Spirit. He tells us specifically that WE, you and I, are empowered to speak to the mountain and obliterate it with the faith that backs our confession.

    In Romans 12:2 (NKJV), God tells us not to be conformed to this world. This means that we shouldn’t take on its customs, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs of negativity. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We are to change the way that we think. Romans 8:16(NLT) declares, “For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” God’s Spirit joins with our human-spirit, and affirms that we are spiritual children with a spiritual Father. We are spiritual beings made in the image of our God. He created the universe to respond to us SPIRIT-U-ALLY; it responds to what we do, think, and say.

    Change begins internally first. This is God’s order. So, if we are waiting for situations to change, we might be waiting a very long time if we are not taking it upon ourselves to be the change we want to see. If we will have faith and trust Heavenly Father, and if we will humble ourselves and draw near to Him, He will lead, guide, and direct us through the Spirit of Christ within. He will tell us exactly the change we need to make in ourselves. And as we begin to take the steps that He communicates, a new revelation of His love will be deposited in us. This is truly the missing piece that separates us from the marriage we desire, and once we discover it through Christ, we will be transformed into the spouse that God has destined us to be.■

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Be the Change You Want to See”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • She’s Rich, But Can’t Find A Man

    Celeste is a very independent and fierce woman. She’s built her career on being labeled ‘the first’. She was the first woman to hold the position she had in a large construction company; she was the first African American to be promoted to a senior level management position, and she is the first woman in her local area to move up the ladder from worker to co-owner of the company. I would venture to say that 95% of her counterparts are men. Most of her days are spent working around them, but at 43 years-old, she has never been married, and according to her, has never come close. Celeste is fiercely competitive, savvy, and financially set. Not only is she very successful, but she’s very down-to-earth and friendly. She wants to marry a Christian man and isn’t concerned that he might not be as successful as she is. This is why it is so baffling that she hasn’t crossed paths with her Mr. Right.

    A person in Celeste’s position has be very cautious about men that might only want to date her because of her wealth. This hasn’t been too much of an issue for her because she’s very unassuming. Were it not for the S63-coupe she sports, one would never know that she’s got serious bank. Again, she’s a sweet person, loves the Lord Jesus Christ, and you’d be amazed at how easy it is to strike up a conversation with her and feel like you’ve known her all your life. Still, in most ways, she’s no different than many singles these days. Despite all our efforts to do good, we slip into patterns and behaviors that are hard to break.

    In Matthew 7:3(NIV), Jesus Christ schools us on the kind of behavior we should have with one another. For those bent on being picky and criticizing others, he asked, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” It’s common sense to look at our own weaknesses and faults before we even think about calling out someone else’s, but often we don’t think about it this way. We adopt a set of behaviors and patterns, and do so subconsciously. The thought of changing or altering them a bit doesn’t cross our minds.

    If a stranger asked those who know Celeste well to describe her, her unselfish Christian nature would not be the first thing that came to their minds. It would be the fact that she curses like a sailor; not all the time, but enough that vulgar words strip the sweet aroma of Christ that Christians are supposed to leave with others. Her kind heart is completely overshadowed by her foul mouth.

    Ephesians 4:29(NLT) admonishes us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” How we speak and how we make use of our words can pose a very real challenge to our efforts to marry. God’s standard in Ephesians 4:29 is clear, and it is for men and women alike, but it cannot be denied that as mothers and wives, the tone and manner of which we speak can be tremendously soothing and encouraging to our children and husbands. We cannot be ignorant of how impactful our words can be, both negatively and positively.

    Psalm 52:2(NIV) says, “You who practice deceit, your tongue plots destruction; it is like a sharpened razor.” This is not the kind of people God has called us to be. We’re not to use our tongues like razors and cut people with our words. God says that everything we say should be good and helpful. I can tell you from personal experience that the consequences of not paying attention to God’s standard are far reaching and severe. I said some pretty hurtful words to someone I care about, and it boomeranged, as all actions do. Whether it is negative or positive, if you put it out there, it’s going to come back to you, and will do so with an impact that is greater than your original action.

    Our words have staying power. Negative words create a vicious negative cycle that keeps propelling darkness into a person’s life. People listen to the words we speak. Our children and loved ones are influenced by them. As Christians, we should desire to speak words that uplift and motivate everyone around us to be better.

    Celeste is rich, and complains that she can’t find a good man. She doesn’t realize that arrogance isn’t necessarily about being flashy and audacious, and that pride and arrogance might be holding her back. It’s the thinking that allows wealth to mold a person into being inflexible and unwilling to change in the ways God desires them to. God is not punishing Celeste for having a foul mouth. She’s punishing herself because she refuses to release it. It’s the refusal and neglect to place God’s Will over her will that is causing her believing to fizzle and her faith to misfire.

    The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:14 (NLT), “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” He understood that we’re all works in progress. We haven’t made it yet, but we are required to keep pressing, understanding that there is a standard we’re required and qualified to meet. Yes, we all have things about us that are not perfect. We’re not going to address every negative habit, behavior, or attitude in our lifetimes, but to the extent that something is holding our blessings at bay and causing us to miss the opportunity to be strategically positioned; it deserves our attention. We have to change and be better, so that we can continue pressing toward the mark for the prize. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “She’s Rich, But Can’t Find a Man”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Changing A Temporary Position to Permanent

    Our ears will fall upon information at certain times in our lives because it is just the information we need in order to move forward. For instance, my nephew recently shared with me a case study he completed. It was about a very lucrative company struggling with the idea of changing their business strategy. A small group of their team wanted to take the risk and venture outside of the company’s product models, and the others wanted to continue with what they knew, even though sales numbers were declining. This is high stakes risks for sure, but when it comes to our desire for marital partnership, no venture is riskier. It can greatly impact us spiritually, and that’s why now might be a good time for you to consider whether a switch-up in strategies is necessary. It might be just the thing needed for success in your marital endeavor.

    A long time ago, it was believed that meeting people to date should be and was a very organic process. There wasn’t a whole lot of strategic thought that went into it. Community and family connections were a meaningful part of the equation. Now, there are dating websites and services that cater to whatever category or group a person might identify with. For many this cuts through some of the modern-day complexities around dating and presents a strategy to speed up the process of meeting their future spouses. A lot of us are using these vehicles to meet new people, but not everyone is finding success. I don’t believe God has a problem with speeding up the process, as long as our desire for partnership is prioritized in the right place.

    Marriage is an institution that God has ordained. In Proverbs 18:22(NKJV), Heavenly Father tells a man that is poised for marriage, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” This puts the standard squarely on blast. A wife is to be a good thing. That must be the benchmark of our faith if we are to do things God’s way.

    Some of us approach it as if things do not have to be done His way, and this is a huge mistake, for the Lord tells us in Proverbs 8:14(NLT), “Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine.” Heavenly Father set the pattern for success, and because of it every successful individual knows that you must have the right attitude and put the work in at the beginning of the process in order to have a good result in the end. If our heads and hearts are not in the right place to begin with, results will be shaky at best. God wants to introduce a whole new chapter in our lives. He wants us to be excited about the possibilities that partnership holds, but we cannot forget that with this new position, there is also a requirement that our relationship with Him and our faith is strengthened. This is the piece that we will often miss.

    In the Old Testament, the wilderness experience of God’s people paints the perfect picture of the wrong mindset when it comes to an expectation of new and greater blessings. They missed the fact that temporary doesn’t mean permanent. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’re praying about, or where you are in the process of working it all out; there is a temporary position, whether brief or prolonged, that we’re going to need to assume. Additionally, there are some things in this temporary phase that will require further development and tweaking. Like a recipe of our favorite dish, when all the ingredients of seasoning and leavening are added, correct measurements must be used and the appropriate baking time is required. We know how delicious the final result will be, but none of the process required for cooking this excellent dish can be skipped.

    After being delivered from slavery under the brutal rule of Pharaoh and the Egyptians, the people of God were in the wilderness, and they stayed there much longer than what baking time normally requires. They would not seek God to the point of strengthening themselves in faith. God didn’t intend for them to remain in the wilderness. It was meant to be a temporary holding position that would allow them to get their heads and hearts in the right faith space to move into the promise. For most of them, that didn’t happen. They became very angry with Moses, their leader, because they wanted the dish without the baking process. As single Christians, this is sometimes our approach.

    We don’t think about the process that is our responsibility to engage and master. We just want the man—the end result, regardless of the risk to our spiritual well-being in Christ. It’s not too much of a stretch to equate being single in today’s time to a wilderness experience. It’s rocky terrain and challenging to navigate, but it’s just temporary.

    Some of us are trying to turn this temporary position of being single into the permanent position of wife without understanding and appreciating the transition we’re endeavoring to make. It’s a spiritual transition, one that requires us to go through the process of strengthening ourselves in faith. Someone once asked me, “What does that look like? What does it look like to strengthen your faith for marriage?” As single women desiring to be wifey, every one of us has something in our hearts this very moment that might be blocking us from the opportunity to cross paths with our husbands. God isn’t withholding the opportunity. We can’t see it because the darkness keeps us blinded from it. This is such a tough thing for most of us to come to grips with, but we must in order to see victory in this area of our lives.

    Through the Holy Spirit that indwells us, we must ask God to reveal what is holding us back, because the answer is part of what it takes to strengthen our faith for marriage. In 2Corinithians 2:11(NLT) The Apostle Paul tells us how crucial it is that we release heavy weights like anger, resentment, pride, jealousy, and other kinds of darkness from our hearts, “So that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.”

    Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33(NLT), “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Faith dictates that we begin to strengthen our believing by seeking God preeminently. To seek God is to be relentless. It’s diligent effort, to the point that our every available moment is used to go before His throne in praise, worship, meditation, study, or contemplation. Talk about a winning strategy, this is it! This is what it looks like to strengthen your faith for marriage. It’s a seasoning, leavening, and baking time upon which you thrust all of your energy, knowing that the end result will indeed be delicious. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “Changing a Temporary Position to Permanent”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Did You Make It Disappear?

    1 John 3:16-17 (MSG)
    “This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love:  Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.  If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.”

    The world is too crazy right now to turn a blind eye. Some maybe asking themselves, “What’s happened to God’s love? Why do we still have so much violence, racial tension, and complex problems throughout the world?” We’re hearing about the constant threat of war, and it’s natural that people want to know the cause of this seemingly unprecedented chaos and suffering around the globe. Even in our own personal lives, there are dilemmas left and right—financial difficulties, unemployment, broken relationships and many other issues that seem to be compounding. Some people are walking around in doubt and fear because they don’t think they have the answers to life anymore. They feel the rug has been yanked from underneath them.

    Although it may feel as though the bottom is falling out, we can be assured that God is on the case. He is allowing us to see what happens when people don’t honor Him as they should, but make no mistake, God is in control. Heavenly Father isn’t like us humans. Even though we’ve committed our lives to Him, we still vacillate in our decisions and behaviors, and we change like the weather; running hot one minute and cold the next. We can be very unpredictable to say the least. God is not like this. Numbers 23:19 (NLT) tells us, “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” God is an unchanging Father, and He loves us unconditionally, despite our wishy-washy ways at times.

    We can best believe that there’s a huge lesson we must learn from what we’re witnessing in the world, and the lesson is for both the unbelieving and those of us that are believers. The major component of it will no doubt be about the love of Christ, and how far we have deviated from it. This is not a new lesson, but the times speak to how critically we’ve ignored it. 1 John 3:16-17 tells us that to know and understand the love of Christ is to ‘live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.’ This is a measuring stick for whether all our dreams and aspirations are in line with God’s Word, because if they are, they will be drenched in a desire to love like Christ.

    1 John 3:16-17 speaks to the reality of God’s awesome and amazing love, and it also confirms the reality that we, you and I, are both the receivers and the conduits of His love. We have the distinct honor and privilege to give out what we have freely received. Most of us underestimate the impact that we can make on the lives of others. We don’t see ourselves as the ambassadors that Jesus Christ has made us, and we limit our outreach. This is an especially significant lesson for those that are praying to meet their future partners.

    It’s an important lesson because God’s love is wonderfully rich, exciting, and infused with His glory. There’s an indescribable luxuriousness to it, but yet, many singles are not enthusiastic about sharing this love with others. It is incredibly difficult for a person to make any progress in their quest for marriage if he or she isn’t confident in the love God has given us to share. Again, we have an obligation to be conduits of God’s love. When it comes to the blessing of marriage, God knows whether we will share His love through the example of Christ, or whether we will repeatedly revert back to habits of our old-man nature. God’s love is an overwhelming reality, but we have to ask ourselves if we are turning a cold shoulder and doing very little to show it forth. Are we making it disappear? Are we covering its light to the point that we are not illuminated in the eyes of the man that is supposed to see it?

    Love is, and forever will be, about what you do. We can tell someone we love them all day long, but it isn’t so much about what we say. There must be some evidence to back up the claim. Our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, showed us how to love God’s way. His sacrifice paid the ultimate price because of his love for us all. He did what we could not do for ourselves. Our privilege and honor is to show our gratitude for what he has done by choosing to love others as he loves us.

    God says that when we have the ability and the means to be of service to someone in need, do so. Please don’t turn your back on them. God is working in you, and His love is made strong through your actions to bless others. Yes, the world is in pretty rough shape, but He tells us in 2Corinthians 12:9 that His grace is sufficient to us, because His strength is made perfect in weakness. Don’t allow the enemy to use the confusion of the world and the severity of these times to trick you out of the light of God’s love. Heavenly Father is the God of Wonderful, the Father of Awesome and Amazing. Never lose the excitement of His love. Let it shine brightly from your heart, and know that He will reward your commitment to live a life of love, sharing, and giving. ■

    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “Did You Make It Disappear?” written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!