Category: Preparation for Marriage

“Are you happy?” Jordan’s husband texted her while he was at work one evening. She’d been telling him for weeks how unappreciated she felt in their marriage, and he had taken her out for dinner the night before in hopes of beginning to turn things around. But truthfully, he wasn’t feeling great about things either. For a while, he had complained that she was always very snippy with him and has a short fuse. Jordan didn’t used to be this way, but the last year has been really tough. He’s afraid their marriage may not rebound because of her temperament and all the stress it continues to cause.

Disappointments, residual emotions from childhood trauma, and just being unhappy with life can cause irritability and anger. We can spiral in this condition, and we may not notice how much it is impacting those closest to us. Proverbs 21:9(NLT) says, “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” This wisdom in God’s Word has been relevant for thousands of years, and it shows us that God is very aware of the emotional issues that can harm a marriage. In general, life can be very stressful at times, and a wife can become quarrelsome for different reasons, especially if she feels she’s not being heard, but all is not lost. She can turn this around through her faith in God.

All kinds of things can set us off, trust issues, finances, problems with intimacy, poor communication, personality differences, behavioral issues with the kids; these and more can trigger us, making us feel that our needs are not being met. But we must know that none of these things make anger or quarreling a viable solution. Pulling back the layers usually reveals that we need to place greater focus and faith in our relationship with God through the example of Jesus Christ.

For some women, gloom hits them as soon as they open their eyes each morning, and marriage begins to feel like an additional weight. We can become frustrated before we brush our teeth, thinking about all the ways our yesterdays were miserable, and expecting the day in front of us to be much of the same. Many singles feel this way now, even without the husband, and if we don’t begin to use the tools and materials God has provided to work our way out of this, we will bring quarreling and anger into our future marriages.

Some of us don’t yell or scream but have mastered nice-nasty and have learned to sweetly manipulate, or to withdraw and withhold emotions as a way of punishing and getting our way. Things like this will lead us away from a happy marriage instead of closer to it. There’s a vulnerability to Christ that our hearts must yield to. We must be malleable to God as He works in us through His Holy Spirit. And we must be willing to let the Spirit open our hearts as we continually and genuinely pray for spiritual maturity and growth in Christ.

God expects us to respond to every aspect of life with the biblical practices Jesus Christ has taught us. Jesus tells us in John 14:6(NLT), “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” Jesus Christ is the way! He is the way to victory, love, unity, peace, understanding, compassion, patience, and every other good thing we can demonstrate and receive. We are never alone in our efforts to navigate singlehood, parenthood, or marriage. Jesus Christ has made the Holy Spirit available to us, and his power will work in our hearts and minds if we will let it.

The psalmist prayed in Psalm 51:10(KJV), “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” As singles, if we are in any way heading down a path that will lead us to be quarrelsome wives, the priority of our prayers should be that God will reveal this to us and help us to be renewed in our minds and hearts. We should pray that he will reveal any other behavior, attitude, or action we’re practicing that is keeping us from being the wife He wants us to be. As we spiritually prepare for marriage, we must remember that we shouldn’t depend on a man to make us happy. We’re setting the marriage up for failure when we do this. When we’re happy in Christ within ourselves, we have built the proper foundation and the husband will add to it. If we do the work of having an unshakable faith and joy in Christ, quarreling will take a back seat as we make a home of sweetness and peace.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Heart of a Quarrelsome Wife”,, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

What does a born-again man that has never been married and doesn’t have children look for in a woman? You’ll have to ask someone like this. I did, and to my surprise, his answer was quite simple. “I don’t need much, and many of the decisions I make in the future will be up to whomever I marry.” Notably, this man likes to keep most things about his life as simple as possible, and this is actually a blessing, because Jesus Christ kept things simple when he walked upon the earth. Many women would ask, “Where can I find a man like this?” We may not know the answer to this question, but God certainly does.

A man that has given some thought to marriage and would answer a question about it by saying “It’s up to the woman I marry…” is someone that is willing to be flexible. He’s probably going to place the needs of his wife above his own, and he’s confident that whatever those needs are, they can work together to take care of them. Not everyone is generous and thoughtful enough to place another’s needs above their own. So, it’s quite obvious to those of us that know a little bit about God’s Word that in order to meet someone like this, we would have to be match this wonderful quality ourselves. We’d have to possess a peace, humility, love, and strength that is only developed by knowing the scriptures.

2Timothy 3:16-17 (NLT) tells us, “16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” Many of us have sought a bevy of resources in order to prepare ourselves for marriage. We’ve read books, gone to seminars, and tried all sorts of techniques to help us attract the right man. However, God makes it very clear in 2Timothy 3:16-17 that He uses His Word to prepare and equip us for good work and the ministry of marriage.

Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” When the Word of God is firmly anchored in our hearts and minds, we can’t help but love God this way. This is what He requires from all His children, because loving God with all that we are distinguishes those whose faith is sold out on Him and those who deny His love and power. Choosing to love the Lord God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength means that we will always choose to put Him first in our lives because are committed to honor and obey His Word.

Ephesians 5:25-26(NLT) says, “25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” When a man says, “It’s up to the woman I marry…” and his intention is to truly partner with his wife to make important decisions and choices that impact and benefit them both, he has a mind and heart that seeks to love her as Christ loves the church. This isn’t because he’s so good, it’s because God is so good, and He has led this man to a place that makes him prepared to partner in a loving and generous way. We must discipline ourselves to obey and honor God’s Word so that we allow our Heavenly Father to do this work in us as well. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It’s Up to the Woman I Marry”,written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Mark 10:6-9 (NLT)
“But God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.  Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

From the very beginning, our God was not alone. He had our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit with Him. They are One, and because of the work that God sent Christ to do for us, we are One with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In his prayer to God for the disciples, Jesus Christ prayed in John 17:20-21(NKJV), “20 I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, [are] in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.” We are a part of God’s family, adopted in by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Through marriage, God teaches us the treasure, honor, and responsibility of uniting in oneness with another, so that we treasure, honor, and understand the oneness we share with Him.

Marriage and family are so important because God established them as a way of achieving His purpose within the earth. He teaches us a little bit about this in Malachi 2:15(NLT). This Word from the Lord came to men who were not treating their wives well. They’d marry them in their youth, and once they grew older, they’d put these older wives aside for younger brides. Heartbroken, the wives would cry out to Heavenly Father. God didn’t like this situation and did not condone it. In this verse, He said to them, “Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”

In body and spirit, we belong to God. Every inch of us belongs to Him. He tells us in 1Corinthians 6:19 that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit was given to us by God, and he, the Spirit, lives in us. In Galatians 5:25(NLT), Heavenly Father commands, “If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” This means that we should let the Holy Spirit guide everything that we do, but many of us don’t do this. We get ahead of God and choose to be in relationships with men that may start out with good intentions but end up breaking our hearts. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t want this. He wants us to stop leaning on our own understanding and allow Him to direct our paths through His precious Holy Spirit.

God doesn’t steer us into relationships that leave us depleted emotionally, mentally, or physically. He blesses our lives with relationships that help us fulfill His purpose. Many women of God do not approach marriage from this point of view. While the goodness and perfection of God may lead us to think that He has tailored made a man specifically for us, God’s purpose is the driving force behind every union that is ordained by Him. It would not be wise to think that a man’s purpose is to be your spouse or that he was placed on this earth specifically for you. A man’s purpose is to please and honor God. When we make this our purpose as well, movement towards marriage begins to beautifully unfold.

Hebrews 13:8(NLT) tells us, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Billions of years have passed, and the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have not changed, and neither has God’s Word. We are the ones who must change in order to please God and fulfill His purpose. We must be guided in life by what God says. When we pray and ask Him for the opportunity to love and to be loved, we’re essentially telling Him that we’re ready for increase. God knows when we are, and only He know the path of increase that is specifically for you. If you trust Him to show you the way to it, you’ll never be disappointed. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Specifically for You”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

When we’re dating someone new, we hear this question all the time, “Is he marriage material?” Although this might not be the most considerate question to ask, if you’ve been praying to God to be a wife, analyzing whether a man is even comfortable with the idea of marriage is not a bad idea. As a woman of God that is potentially making decisions and choices that will change your life forever, you need to always give yourself the courtesy of taking a step back. You need to ask, “What is this we’re doing? Are we dating with a goal or dating to be dating?”

Sometimes we’re so excited by the prospect of spending time with someone compatible, that we lose sight of what’s important. We forget the missteps we’ve made in the past and the heartbreak they caused. We forget all the times we prayed and promised to wait on God’s green light before we made any assumptions about what we’re working with. And we forget how willing we were in the past to go full on into relationship mode just because he texts, calls, and takes us out for dinner.

The Bible doesn’t specifically mention dating, but that doesn’t mean that God has nothing to say about it. Psalm 147:5(ESV) says, “Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.”  Revelation 22:13(NLT) tells us that He’s “the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” There isn’t anything that our God doesn’t know. He knows the end at the beginning and the beginning at the end. So, He knew dating would be a thing in our modern times. His expectation is that we will handle it like we do any other activity, which is with Godliness, honesty, respect, and self-control.

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) declares, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” God has given us spiritual blessings so that we will be strong and stand in faith. We are to uphold His standard, so we can’t put the wealth of all He’s provided on the backburner just because we’ve met someone new. It’s important for us to have our eyes open with God’s wisdom so that we don’t treat dating someone the same as we would marrying the person that God has ordained to walk with us through life.

The old school definition of ‘husband material’ is a man that has all the characteristics of being responsible, dependable, honorable, and loyal, and you like him well enough to see yourself marrying him. That’s a pretty good definition, but we ought to taper it with the truth that just because we think he’s marriage material, it doesn’t mean that he is. Sometimes, the man does very little to suggest that he’s ready for something real, and we convince ourselves otherwise simply because we want a man. That can lead us down a disappointing path. We need to let our opinions and assumptions take a back seat, and we need to give ourselves time to hear from God about what we’re working with.

The bottom line is that we need to establish boundaries around dating, and those boundaries should help us to preserve our stand so that we don’t make the mistake of partnering with the wrong guy. We don’t have to kiss dating good-bye, but we must be careful that it isn’t detrimental to our spiritual walks in Christ. If marrying the man that God has for you is truly your heart’s desire, don’t forfeit it or allow the wrong person to set you back. Stay on the path to marriage by being committed to God’s standard, and don’t be deterred. If your faith is in the right place, the Father will confirm what marriage material is for you, then you can be sure that he’s the one for you, and you’re the one for him as well.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Is He Marriage Material?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

In many of our past relationships, there was a lot of overpromising and underdelivering by the man and by us as well. When things started to go sour, the ship was sinking so fast that we felt helpless to save it. We learned that significant relationships have the potential to take us to the highest highs and the lowest lows. They can be exciting, rewarding, entertaining, and exhilarating, but all of this takes on new meaning as relationships get closer to marriage. They begin to require more of us, and this doesn’t decrease, but increases as things progress. The bond deepens, and as it does, partners are faced with the work of deeper communication, intimacy, unity, loyalty, commitment, sacrifice, and supportiveness. We learn from experience that sometimes in our significant relationships, partners run rather than pull up their sleeves to prepare for the treasures of the next phase.

For those of us that are single and praying to partner in marriage, we must open our hearts to the reality that our new relationship will not be like our past ones. This is where our faith should be. We can’t expect newness when in our minds and hearts, we are not making room for it. A single person desiring marriage must measure up to the newness they expect, and this is one of the most challenging truths for us to accept.

We haven’t asked ourselves if we can truly handle the blessing of a spouse right now, and if we’re still in wait-mode, we have to consider that the answer to this question is maybe not. As an unmarried person that is expecting to be someone’s spouse, we must change. Ephesians 5:22-28(NLT) gives us God’s standard for husbands and wives. This passage tells us, “22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.”

Ephesians 5:22-28 sets God’s expectation for the level of humility and loyalty that men and women must have to partner well. We must become a supportive and good steward of one of God’s treasures. And let’s face it, all of us think we’re ready, but from where we stand today, we don’t have a clue what our next relationship will require of us spiritually, mentally, or emotionally. Many of us are not measuring our preparedness to partner based on the standards that God has set but by the standards we set. Because we’ve done this, our prayers may be missing the mark, because they are not grounded in God’s truth.

God’s prophet, Daniel, gives us a window into the heart and humility we must have as we pray for spiritual preparation for ourselves and our partners. Daniel 9:4-6(NLT) says, “4 I prayed to the LORD my God and confessed: “O Lord, you are a great and awesome God! You always fulfill your covenant and keep your promises of unfailing love to those who love you and obey your commands. 5 But we have sinned and done wrong. We have rebelled against you and scorned your commands and regulations. 6 We have refused to listen to your servants the prophets, who spoke on your authority to our kings and princes and ancestors and to all the people of the land.”

Daniel pleaded and prayed to God after reading the writings of the prophet, Jeremiah, that Jerusalem would have a hard time for seventy years because of their sin and unfaithfulness. He labored before God because he loved them, and he knew they had not done the things God requires. As single women, we must have this same heart. We could have been better partners in our prior relationships. We could have walked closer to the Lord. We could have built a solid foundation of faith in Him and changed our ways, but we didn’t do all that we could have. We should be humble before the Lord and seek His forgiveness so that we have the right heart to pray for ourselves, our future spouses, and our marital unions.

One of the reasons that marriage has gotten a bad rap is because so many are entering into God’s institution blindly, without giving thought to how challenging relationships can be. They require that two people have a solid prayer life and are committed to pray for each other every day. As we stand before our Heavenly Father, we don’t know all the ways in which we need to spiritually grow so that we can handle the blessing of marriage. We don’t know if we’re prepared to nurture and maintain the bond we’ve longed to share with our spouses, but these are the types of things that should be in our prayers. We should be praying for eye-opening revelation that helps us to prepare for our spouses, and we should also be praying that they are doing the same.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Can You Handle the Blessing?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

“Was I a fool for dating him for so many years?” This is a question we ask ourselves after we’ve been with the significant man in our lives for a long time, and the relationship isn’t yielding anything promising. We’ve either been in this situation or know women that have. They’ve dated a man for years, and given so much of themselves to that relationship, but with all their dedication, commitment, and loyalty, marriage isn’t on the horizon. This is a very hurtful thing to face. We’re hit with some realizations that we’ve avoided for the sake of maintaining the relationship. One of them is that no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we don’t need a piece of paper to prove his love, if we desire something real, that piece of paper is a symbol that can’t be overlooked.

Amos 3:3(NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” A relationship is strengthened by an agreement, and this agreement is a harmony that binds two people together. At the very least, the man should feel the same way about you as you feel about him. As those feelings of affection and devotion deepen, it should lead to something that honors God and is fulfilling and meaningful for both individuals. We should never think that God is pleased when we are not treated in a way that honors us in the way He has ordained in His Word. We’re His daughters, and he wants us to be treated well, and having a husband who loves and values us is a part of that equation.

Sometimes, when we give our best and it’s not reciprocated, we can be wounded deeply, like the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. She was plagued with feelings of shame, insecurity, and self-doubt, and this caused her to go from man to man seeking to satisfy a void that only God could fill. As was the custom of many women that lived during that time, she came to draw water from a well in the hottest part of the day. As God would have it, Jesus was there, and he asked her for a drink. John 4:9-10(NLT) tells us, “9 The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” 10 Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”

Of course, Jesus Christ knew all about her pain and her sin, but he was concerned about her salvation and deliverance. He said to her in John 4:16-18(NLT), “16 Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. 17 “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband– 18 for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!” Our Master Jesus didn’t speak these words to the Samaritan woman to condemn her; he did it to cut through the lies, shame, heartbreak, and disappointment so that he could speak the deliverance of truth into her brokenness.

In Ephesians 5:25(NLT), God commands, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Marriage is extremely important, and we should never believe the lie that it isn’t. That piece of paper, a marriage license, is so important because among many other things, it’s a public declaration of a man’s commitment to honor a woman in the eyes of God. Every woman that loves God deserves to be honored in this way. So, we should never allow anyone to make us feel anything other than privileged and thankful that God has given us this beautiful institution.

Being consumed and distracted by the desires and lies of the world will only leave us seeking after an empty well. Only the Lord Jesus can give us living water that fills us up to such a degree that we will never be thirsty again. If you’re disappointed and hurt because the significant man in your life doesn’t want marriage, take it all to Jesus Christ. Don’t allow insecurity, doubt, and the fear of loneliness to blind your faith. God loves you and He wants you to be loved and honored because you’re His daughter. Do everything you can to increase your faith in this so that you only want what God wants for you. Then you will be determined to never accept anything less. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Seeking After an Empty Well”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Philippians 4:7-8(NLT)
“7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Do you know anyone that says they only think about things that are true, honorable, right, lovely, excellent, and pure? If you do, that person is someone you should absolutely love being around. They’ve got the right attitude and when this level of humility and obedience is their commitment, their inspiration is infectious. They understand that their mind and heart are very valuable instruments when they are used for our Father’s glory. He tells us in Proverbs 4:23(ESV), “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” He tells us in Romans 12:2 that we should not be conformed to the customs, cultures, and traditions of this world, but instead we must be transformed by the renewal of our minds. So, we can see very clearly that changing our thoughts and lining them up with the mind of Christ is required to keep our lives blessed and pleasing to God.

When life is going well, we rarely consider that we might need to make some changes to how we think and feel. When things are peachy, an attitude adjustment is the furthest thing from our minds. Often, it’s not until trouble hits, or answers to our prayers are delayed, that we might begin to look in the mirror. Even then, some of us refuse to accept the reality of what is staring back at us. We refuse to accept that our own thoughts and attitudes may be holding us back.

When life becomes a sour reality, it’s often a signal that change is upon us. It’s time to take an internal inventory, and this is not always an easy thing to do. Our behaviors in our previous relationships comes front and center. Perhaps we were overly sensitive, argumentative, or petty in some areas. Thoughts of jealousy and insecurity could have loomed large over many of those relationships, yet, we expect the reward of another one when those issues of the heart and mind were not resolved.

Our Heavenly Father tells us in Colossians 3:2(ESV), “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” This isn’t a suggestion. It’s a directive. God is not telling us to change our thought-life just so that we can get a man. He’s commanding us to change our behaviors, attitudes, and thoughts to those of Christ because doing so brings us closer to Him. Doing so allows us to mature in spiritual strength and stamina, and we desperately need to do this for our journey further in the Lord.

Too many of us miss the message that God is sending because we’re not paying attention to our internal reality. We’re looking for God to do something on the outside when we haven’t invited Him to do a work on the inside. We haven’t prayed as David did in Psalm 51:10(KJV), “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” We should continually pray this prayer. We’re neglecting our relationship with God because we’re not being obedient to what He says. Nothing is more injurious to our well-being than ignoring and neglecting to love God in the way He requires.

We’re hurting ourselves spiritually for the love of a man we don’t even have. This is not walking in faith. Many of us are starving for love and attention from a man, and we’re completely forgetting about establishing and maintaining an intimate relationship with God. Sometimes this is the thing that keeps us stagnant and dissatisfied, and it has to change.

Jesus Christ commanded in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Nothing less than this is acceptable. We must follow the example of Jesus Christ and think Godly thoughts. We must have a good attitude, and make time to pray, read and study God’s Word. Committing to these spiritual practices in Christ means that we’re prioritizing our spiritual growth in a way that pleases God. So, let’s stop hurting ourselves for love, and focus on the One who is love, because this is the key to living a blessed life. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Hurting for Love”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Psalm 31:15(NLT)
“My future is in your hands.”

The Words of the psalmist in Psalm 31:15 are very simply spoken, but they are meaty and levy a giant piece of wisdom for living a more than abundant life through Jesus Christ. This verse is about trusting God as our Source and Sufficiency. He alone holds our future in His hands, and we must trust that He wants the best for us infinitely more than we want it for ourselves. Our faith in God and our love for Him must outweigh our loneliness. It must be greater than our need for companionship, and higher than our desire to be loved by a man. For some women, this is a stretch too far. They don’t want to hear it. They’ve been praying for too long, and to them, the length of their prayers proves their devotion to Heavenly Father. “What more can He require?” they think to themselves. The thing about faith is that we’re not the ones to decide when it is firmly placed in God. He’s the only One who knows our hearts, and this is a truth we must face.

God requires total trust in the reality that our futures are in His hands. For some of us, this is challenging because marriage is something that we greatly desire. We want to be a wife to someone really special to us and share our lives with him. This isn’t complicated and surely God wants to bless us in this area of our lives, but we have to remember that He is a God of order. He has told us in His Word that He wants us to grow spiritually and become more and more like Christ. He said in 2Peter 3:18(NLT), “you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” This is God’s priority for us, and everything else is secondary to it.

In Mark 12:30(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This is the greatest commandment and all the other laws hang upon this one. Loving God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength is loving Him with all that we are. Even though some of us have been on this Christian journey for a long while, we still don’t have a clear vision of what it looks like to love God this way. Some of us are still holding on to something in our hearts that keeps us from fully loving God. And whether we admit it or not, deep down we’re looking for the new man in our lives to complete us.

For many of us, there were times in the past when our actions conveyed that we put the man in our lives above our allegiance to God, and this is a problem for us as we attempt to have unshakable faith. Our faith in God must be expressed through our love for Him, but right now, many of us are far from this in our minds and hearts. “If he would only ask me…” reverberates from our hearts, because we want to be connected to a spouse. We want to be loved. Rest assured that our Heavenly Father knows this. He’s the One that gave us this desire, so He knows what we’re going through. He also knows that we’re not as spiritually strong as we think we are. We’re still willing to let our relationship with Heavenly Father fall to second place, and this kind of attitude will bring disaster in the long run.

Jesus Christ commands us in Matthew 6:33(ESV), “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Again, there’s a place within the heart of every single woman that tells God where we stand in our devotion to Him. Faith comes from that place, and if it is not fully persuaded and sold out to God, He is asking us to seek Him, and to ask Him to do a work within our hearts through His precious Holy Spirit. God must be our strength and greatest love, because this is the only way to be blessed. He wants to help us be strong in that place in our hearts, so that we can stand on the authority and power of His Word. Then when satan tries to attack our marital unions, we will have the spiritual strength to guard against it by standing with the Spirit’s sword, back to back with our husbands.

Our Master Jesus said in John 15:16-17(NLT), “16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.” Jesus Christ makes it clear who is in control. We did not choose him first, but he chose us, and we were chosen for God’s purpose. The Father is always willing to bless us and do so abundantly, but there’s a condition to the promise He’s made us. We must bear fruit, the kind that remains. The only kind of fruit that remains is the kind that is produced from the love of Christ. It’s sharing the Gospel and doing the kind of good works that will please God.

If we have a history of not bearing much fruit—the kind of fruit that lasts, that’s an issue that must be addressed with our Heavenly Father. Some of us are expecting the promise but have not met God’s requirement. It’s time to set our focus not on a relationship with a man but on our relationship with God. Often, not loving Him with all that we are is the thing that keeps our blessing from our reach. Rather than thinking, “if he would only ask me to marry him,” we need to think about the reality that God has asked us to love and seek Him first, and when He sees this kind of love for Him in our hearts, doors will open and we will be ready to walk through them.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“If He Would Only Ask Me”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Proverbs 31:10-12(NLT)
“10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. 11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

As single women, we should remind ourselves of this Old Testament passage in Proverbs 31 often. It’s God’s wisdom that was taught to King Lemuel by his mother. During the king’s day, sexual immorality was as rampant as it is today, and the king’s mother wanted him to steer clear of women who practiced this kind of behavior. Sexual immorality diminishes the strength of both men and woman in so many ways, and this mother broke it down to her son because she wanted him to be strong and to marry a strong wife. God will point a good man in the direction of a virtuous and capable wife, and we should desire with all our hearts to be the one at the end of His finger.

God has given men great responsibilities, the top one is producing Godly children that will continue his legacy of honoring God. Women can support and nourish life in their wombs and out of the womb, but only the seed of a man can produce children, and this is according to our Heavenly Father’s brilliant design. Jesus Christ walked upon this earth as a man, and through him, God made it possible for us to be His children. Romans 5:17(NLT) says, “For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ.” Because of what God has done through Jesus Christ, we can have God’s seed, the Holy Spirit, inside us, and this is what makes us His kids.

Romans 5:18(NLT) says, “Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone.” The right relationship with God that we have because of Christ should produce the kind of woman that Proverbs 31:10-12 speaks about. As a single woman, you must have the kind of heart that rejoices in what God has done through Christ every day of your life.

A virtuous woman is a woman whose heart is sold out to God. She honors him with her whole life and because of this, God blesses and rewards her. So, we must know that the motivation for being a virtuous woman isn’t to snag a man, it’s to please God. This is want positions us to be in the right place at the right time.

God wants us to know that the things of His Kingdom come first. Moving His agenda forward should be continually on our minds, but some of us are just not there. We’re desperate for marriage and want it for the satisfaction of our own agendas. We’re not thinking about a well-formed partnership that is drenched in God’s anointing and purpose. We’re not thinking about the mission that God has for our future spouses and how we might help them fulfill it. Other things are on our minds, but we’ve got to change that.

Social media is flooded with women talking about what they deserve, and about what they will and will not accept. Their desires for marriage are tanked by a strong sense of entitlement. They want to be catered to. They want the man to take care of them without the heart to do the same. God tells us in Jeremiah 17:10(NLT), “But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” God is the Giver and Provider of blessings. He knows our hearts. He sees what we do and knows our secret motivation.

Proverbs 12:4(NLT) says, “A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.” Some of us single women are beyond childbearing years. Our children may be fully grown, but we’re desiring marriage. That desire must be matched by a commitment to God and the willingness to follow His guidance. The intent to be a blessing and put the welfare of a spouse above your own is paramount. You must have faith that God will take care of your needs when you fulfill your obligation to His Will and purpose.

For those that are praying to meet their spouses and begin a family, the commitment to God must be your priority as well, perhaps even more so. Helping to teach your children God’s Word and to raise them according to it must be in your heart. As women of faith, our standard of Godliness and virtue has been set by our Heavenly Father. Making Proverbs 31:10-12 our goal keeps our hearts pure and our minds strong. Pray to God. Humble yourself before Him and release anything that keeps you from being the wife that He wants you to be. Do this often, so that you please the Father and become a wife who greatly enriches your husband’s life. This is important to God, and it must be important to you.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Proverbs 31 Kind of Wife”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.