Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

RING in the New Year?

Some of the urban vernacular we hear these days is so cryptic that it could literally become a second language. Words like ‘ratchet’, ‘shade’, ‘filthy’, ‘lit’, and ‘baddie’ meant something completely different just a short time ago. Today they’ve taken on a whole new meaning. I have a feeling that ten years from now, they’ll mean something else, but there’s one term that goes way back and the meaning never changes; it’s “ride-or-die.” This perfectly defines Mia to a tee. There are no other phrase in the English language that would do justice to her level of allegiance and commitment when it comes to her current relationship. She’s more than hung in there for ol’ dude, and she just knew this Christmas would be the payoff she’s been waiting for.

Mia’s boyfriend came back from a long deployment in Afghanistan. They’ve been doing this dance for almost four years now, and I’ve never known a person more loyal than she is. No shade to Robert. He’s dutiful and attentive, seems to appreciate her commitment, and showers her with gifts every time he comes home. She had an inclination that he might propose during the holidays, and a few days ago, when he brought her a beautiful hand-carved jewelry box, she just knew an engagement ring was inside of it. It was empty, and she thought to herself, “Huh, another year and no ring.”

Can you imagine the disappointment? They’re the quintessential military couple. Everyone who knows them prays and roots for them to make it, but there’s a problem, and neither of them seem to be willing to face it head on. I remember a time when Mia said openly that she would never date a man over two years without a marriage commitment, yet here she is. Robert is a good man, no doubt, but the question Mia might be forced to ask herself is whether he’s the right man for her.

As she recounted what happened on Christmas to her friends, she did so with a lightness and a chuckle, but the disappointment was in her eyes. It seems a very likely scenario that she will continue this posture of wait and see. Her loyalty is a given, but it has always been matched by an unabashed disposition to speak her mind. She has a notorious intolerance for non-sense. So, it’s an enigma to us that an ultimatum of some kind has never been a topic of discussion between the two of them.

Mia has taken ‘ride or die’ to the limit. Continuing this track she’s chosen; will she get a ring in the new year? None of us know, but of course God does, and the best thing that she can do for herself is to ask Him. In Matthew 7:7 (NIV), Jesus Christ said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” The only prerequisite to knowing the truth is to ask, seek, and knock. The only requirement for receiving the truth is an earnest intention to accept it once it is presented. Sometimes, we only want the truth when it is convenient to what we currently believe, but the truth can sometimes make us uncomfortable. When it does, we think it’s inconvenient, because it will most certainly lead us to change and do something different. It might make us step outside our comfort zones and face a fear that we’ve harbored a long time.

Philippians 4:6 (NLT) tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” We can come to God and present anything before Him that is on our hearts. We need to trust that God desires marriage for us more than we desire it for ourselves. Sometimes we choose a person that seems right, but isn’t right for us. Or it could be that they are only meant to be in our lives for a season. The psalmist said in Psalm 34:4 (NIV), “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” Sometimes, the person we love just will not meet our expectation. Trying to force this is like placing a square peg in a round hole. This isn’t what God wants for any of us. The answer isn’t to hold on something that isn’t producing the life we deserve. If we’re fearful of not being loved or of being lonely, these are fears we need to release. God will help us if we ask Him and trust that He will set our feet on the right course.

Robert may not be the one to put a ring on Mia’s finger. That may be difficult for her to come to terms with, but to move forward, she must. None of us should just go along, doing the same things, and knowing deep in our hearts that we’re not receiving the same level of love and commitment we’re giving out. Robert knows the caliber of woman that Mia is, because she’s proven herself to be loving, committed, and loyal. Yet, he still doesn’t want to make her ‘wifey’, and that is what she wants most. Let’s not ring in the New Year without the expectation, self-confidence, and faith of getting a ring. Commit to Christ-like actions, immerse yourself in God’s grace, and release anything that keeps you stuck. 1 John 4:18a (NIV) tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” Let the perfect love of God drive out the fear that keeps you settling for less than He wants to give you. Seek our Heavenly Father in all that you do, and you’ll witness the newness He’ll bring to your life in the New Year.■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“RING in the New Year?”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

January 1, 2023
The Lessons of a Broken Soul Tie

We hear a lot about soul ties in today’s environment, and it has both positive and negative connotations. “Soul tie” is a phrase that people use to describe a deep spiritual connection to another individual. Some think of it as a connection that occurs when two people meet for the first time and realize that their souls are destined to become one. Any person that has experienced the fulfillment and joy of a meaningful soul tie will want it to last a lifetime. It’s the dream on the hearts of many of God’s people, and the continual subject of their prayers. We are wired to seek connection, and when we make one on a soul level, everything feels right in life. The thing that very few of us prepare for is what happens when our souls untie.

Matthew 19 gives us a record of an occasion when the Pharisees came to test Jesus Christ regarding the legality of divorce. Verses 4-5(NLT) tells us his response, “4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” This passage leaves no question of God’s intention for marriage and unity. When a man and a woman marry, they become one in His sight.

In this marital union, it is possible that one person might significantly change mentally and emotionally. It’s not uncommon to hear divorced men and women say, “We just outgrew one another.” The unexplainable aspect is the reality that they were so sure at one time that their souls were inextricably linked. It was inconceivable to the both of them that anything in life could occur that would cause their soul tie to be broken. This begs us to consider the reality that things in life break all the time, but there is nothing broken in the life of any human being that cannot be repaired and made better through the love of Christ.

No Blame Game
1Corinthians 12:27(NLT) declares, “Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.” This puts the ‘out-growing’ rationale in perspective. As children of the Most High God and siblings of Christ, we are all members of one body and therefore, we are indeed inextricably linked through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 4:10 tells us that Jesus Christ left certain gifts pertaining to spiritual leadership for his body. These gifts are to accomplish the mission of God’s plan which is for the whole body to be unified in faith regarding the knowledge of Christ. Again, this ‘individual parts functioning as a whole’ is God’s plan for the Body of Christ, and His Will is that everything will be under the authority, power, and rule of Jesus Christ, our King.

The outcome of God’s plan is made plain for us in Ephesians 4:16(NLT). It tells us, “He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.” It is inevitable that we will all grow at various levels with various speeds. God’s intention is that one partner will aid the growth of another in the way that He has ordained.

To shift blame on to the other person for a lack of spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity is not only injurious to the relationship, it is injurious to us. It takes us out of accountability and humility. We have neither the bandwidth nor the right to stand in the seat of judgment when it comes to God’s plan for our spouses and partners. Heavenly Father’s plan for them existed long before they met us. Our responsibility is to ‘help the other parts grow’. God will keep the tie together when our willingness and intention is to aid His purpose. He will bless us and help us weather challenges and difficulties on all fronts if we minister in our unions through His grace and righteousness.

Specific and Continual Prayer for Your Partner

Souls develop and grow, that’s part of what they do. They release things that we feel no longer serve us and they gravitate towards things we believe will give us pleasure. So, when our mates no longer give us the pleasure that we’re used to receiving from them, that’s what we perceive as a serious problem. The soul wants what it wants, and when it doesn’t get its usual diet, or its appetite changes, we feel empty. The natural inclination of folks in a relationship is to think that the relationship is no longer useful because it doesn’t fill us up the way it used to. We then attribute the emptiness we feel to the partner. He’s not making our soul tank FEEL full.

One of the lessons we learn as we grow in Christ is that Jesus is the source of our joy. If we’re looking for the relationship to be the source of our joy, we are setting it up for disappointment. Christ works through us, and he works through our partners because of our faith in him. You and I don’t have any glue of our own to hold a relationship together; we just don’t. It is the love of God in Christ that holds everything together. When it seems the soul tie in a relationship is coming untied, more glue—more of the love of Christ—is the solution. You and I may not know how to administer God’s love in a way that addresses the untie, but the indwelling Holy Spirit knows exactly what to do. Our responsibility is to pray fervently and frequently for our partners, that the Spirit will do his perfect work in them, and in us.

As wives and girlfriends, truthfully, we’ve let this one slip on an epic scale. Even now, while you are unmarried or unpartnered, you must set a habit pattern of praying specifically for the salvation and spiritual growth of your husband. Pray that the Will of God is done in his life, and that you will be a conduit of God’s love to help him continue to walk the path Heavenly Father has placed before him. We have grossly underestimated the level of diligence to prayer that a union requires. We need to be locked into the Father’s heart when it comes to ministering to our spouses. Specific and continual prayer prepares us for hiccups and gives us the patience and discipline to be still as God works them out.

Be Still

The loss of partnership when our souls appear to untie is difficult, but we can get over it of course through the healing power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. However, it is also very necessary for us to understand that those same two souls can be unified again through Christ. It can be done through our willingness to pray, not out of desperation, but out of obedience to what God desires. We must also understand that unity cannot be achieved without humility. Recognize that even though you may have developed a soul tie, your soul cannot call the shots; it cannot rule your life. Jesus Christ is Lord! He is in the driver’s seat. He must rule our lives, and we must allow him to lead, guide, and direct us.

God said in Psalm 46:10(NKJV), “Be still, and know that I am God.” Don’t panic or make hasty decisions and choices when things are untangling. Often this is an indicator that our own souls need nourishment, and the only Source of nourishment for our souls is God’s Word. We must still ourselves and get into the Word with a greater commitment to pray and receive wisdom and understanding. Don’t allow the enemy to whisper lies in your ears and cause you to step away from your destiny. The Holy Spirit will teach you and reveal to you what to do if you make God’s Word the priority. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Lessons of a Broken Soul Tie”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

December 27, 2022
Completely Convinced in God

“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.”
Hebrews 11:1(NLT)

Getting married is a request in the prayers of many single women. Some are crying out to God with urgency. They feel their hope for marriage doesn’t seem to be getting any closer to materializing their desired results. They are increasingly disillusioned with dating and losing hope in the prospect of marriage. The experience of many singles is to meet someone, date for a few months, talk about the future and then ‘poof’, the relationship fizzles before it even has a chance to develop into something meaningful. It can be emotionally taxing, and most of us want to get off this merry-go-round.

Marriage is indeed a blessing from God. It requires that faith isn’t just something we go to at the point it seems the relationship is fizzling. Faith must be anchored in our minds and hearts before we get into relationships, so that we are not just dating to be dating. When our faith is in God through the Lord Jesus Christ, we date with God’s purpose in mind, and we don’t have to waste our emotional resources becoming invested when the person was never meant to be a destiny partner.

1John 5:4(NLT) tells us, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” There is no question that marriage is a beautiful thing, but we bring things into it that are not so beautiful. In fact, there’s some baggage we’re carrying that will bring down our future marriages with unnecessary and toxic weight. God will help us get rid of this stuff now, so that we aren’t outsmarted or defeated by the devil. Victory is when we are prepared through Jesus Christ to stand on the Word of God so that whatever plots, tricks, and traps the enemy sends against our unions, we are able to stand firm.

The reality is that wherever we are in our walk with Christ, faith is required to see any kind of movement from God in our situation. Because our Heavenly Father is completely invested in us – just like we want a man to be, God is already there. He wants to see us grow in Him and to grow in our faith. He already sees us standing strong in Christ with the blessings we desire most, and our reality must match what He sees. You may envision yourself as someone’s wife. You may believe that you’re ready and spiritually prepared, however, in God’s eyes, your faith isn’t quite there. You must trust that God knows better than you, and you must be convinced that He will help you prepare if you humble yourself before Him.

Our faith is how we respond to God. It is how we show Heavenly Father that we trust Him. If our response isn’t one that is completely convinced of His goodness, and if our response doesn’t reflect that we know He always knows best, then we must make a shift in our thinking and believing. We can’t do our own thing just because we think it feels right. Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes by hearing the Word of God. The only way to hear the Word of God is to read it, listen to it, and speak it to yourself.

Both our minds and our hearts must be completely convinced that what God said He’s going to do He will most certainly do. He said He would give you the desires of your heart if you remain anchored in Christ and occupy your thoughts and intentions with pleasing Him. This means that your entire agenda can’t be about what pleases YOU, it must be about pleasing God with your whole life. If there’s any possibility that you are not where you need to be in the faith, pray and get into God’s Word more, then watch as He rewards your increased commitment to put Him first.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Completely Convinced in God”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

December 5, 2022
Never Judge A Book by Its Cover

One Saturday afternoon, while I was parked at the grocery store and still sitting in my car, my oldest daughter nudged me as I was busy searching for my grocery list in my purse. “Ma, look at him! Oh, my goodness! He’s absolutely gorgeous! I hope my husband looks like that!” She said. This man was impeccable. The grooming, the styling, the smile—mesmerizing. It was almost as if he walked in slow motion so that we could take in every ounce of his handsomeness. Instantly you assume that someone that pretty on the outside is equally so on the inside. You can’t judge a book by its cover. This is a lesson that maturity and a few heartaches under your belt will teach you. I schooled my daughter with the same wisdom I received from my mother; looks aren’t everything, it’s the heart of a person that you want to see. But like many of us, sometimes we learn this lesson the hard way.

The cover of a book typically gives us an indication or an inkling about its contents. It often evokes an emotional response from us. The cover is supposed to whet our appetites and make us curious and excited to read what’s inside the cover. It shouldn’t be lost on us that sometimes the cover is misleading. We open the book, begin to read its contents, and may find that the inside is quite different from the outside. The outside may be incredibly appealing, but the inside may pale in comparison. So, although some books are as exhilarating and interesting as their covers, some are not, and that can be disappointing.

In the Old Testament, Saul was appointed the first king of God’s people, the children of Israel. From all accounts, his exterior was very pleasing to the eye. He was strong and virile, and looked like one would expect a king to look. Samuel, God’s prophet, was very fond of King Saul, and for a time, Saul followed God’s statutes and led the people as God instructed, but this changed. Saul began to think that he knew better than God, and he started to do things his own way. Of course, Heavenly Father found this unacceptable and rejected Saul as king of Israel. God selected another king, and Samuel the prophet was saddened because of his fondness for Saul.

God told him in 1Samuel 16:1(NLT), “Now the LORD said to Samuel, “You have mourned long enough for Saul. I have rejected him as king of Israel, so fill your flask with olive oil and go to Bethlehem. Find a man named Jesse who lives there, for I have selected one of his sons to be my king.” Saul had the right cover—he looked the part of a king, but the content of his heart was disappointing. Again, Samuel had grown very fond of him and was attached to Saul so to speak, so much so that he mourned over God’s rejection of Saul. We can understand this so well, because sometimes we meet someone who is attractive, and their looks draw us in. After we get to know them better, it might be clear that their character isn’t as attractive as their exterior, but we develop an attachment. We want them in our lives, but deep down, we know this isn’t a person that can walk with us through life.

When Samuel saw one of Jesse’s sons that was striking and virile, he thought surely he was the one. Again, he was making a character judgment that was based on the exterior and not on the interior. In 1Samuel 16:7(NLT), the Lord told Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” Our Heavenly Father is schooling us on His standard for choosing what is best. It’s about the heart.

Samuel obeyed God because he knew that God always knows best. You and I must have this confidence towards God in our hearts as well. We must have faith that not only does God know what is in our hearts, but He knows what’s in the heart of the person we choose. Sometimes, the wrong things are in that person’s heart, and they will end up causing us great harm or causing us to miss the blessings God wants to give us. When it comes to dating and finding the right person for us, surrendering our decision making to the guidance of the Lord is the very best thing we can do. It can be fun and exciting to look at the cover of a beautiful book, but we shouldn’t invest our time and energy into reading it unless God tells us the contents are as pleasing to Him as the cover.■

Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from The Message. Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Never Judge A Book By Its Cover”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 28, 2022
A Wise Woman that Prepares for Her Future

Proverbs 31:10(NLT) says, “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.” I absolutely love this scripture, and I’m sure many of you do as well. I have often referenced it in my offerings because it is so awesomely impactful to Godly womanhood. It’s a very simple verse to understand, and because of this, many of us have mistakenly glossed over its potential to expand our faith. When it comes to the challenges of being unmarried and finding a compatible partner, this verse in its wonderful simplicity answers any questions we might have. God tells us that a good woman is hard to find. If she’s hard to find, she’s not in the usual places. She’s where a good man will be looking and expecting to find her.

Proverbs 14:1(NLT) states, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” In the modern times in which we now live, and in many circles, a woman that prioritizes building a home is looked upon as old fashioned, old school, and out of step with the reality of modern feminism. Learning to cook a meal, to tidy up her home and keep it presentable, and to prioritize Godliness are sacred to the ministry of a woman, but most folks these days don’t view it this way. Our Heavenly Father is not concerned with how the world views His Word. He is, on the other hand, very concerned with how believers view it. In 2Timothy 2:15, God commands us to show ourselves approved before Him. He then goes on to tell us exactly how His approval is achieved. He tells us to be good workers who rightly divide and handle the Word of Truth.

In Luke 6:47-49, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ clarifies the difference between a good worker and a poor worker. A good worker, according to the teaching of Christ, is a person that listens to his teaching and follows it. A good worker is a builder that lays a foundation of solid rock and then builds the house upon it. When the floodwaters and storms come against the good builder’s house, that house will stand no matter what. A poor worker hears the Word of God but doesn’t obey. A poor worker doesn’t believe that God’s Word is the truth and therefore builds a house without a foundation. When floodwaters and storms come against it, this house collapses into one big mess.

A woman that is wise will build the foundation of her home on Jesus Christ and the Word of God, so that no matter what the enemy throws her way, her house will not be divided but will stand. A wise woman doesn’t make worldly assumptions about what it means to be a good woman. She turns to God and prays that He will teach her His requirements so she can meet them.

When a woman is busy being obedient to the Father’s Will and Word, a good man will know exactly where to find her. We’re not perfect, but God’s plan is perfect, His Word is perfect, and He is perfect. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t miss a beat. When we make it our business to build our house on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ, the Lord will take care of presenting a man that is everything we need him to be. God has given us perfect tools, perfect building material, and perfect instructions. We can’t wait until we meet the man to start using them. We must demonstrate to the Lord that we trust that He will provide us with a good man. We must show Him that we are backing our faith by being wise and doing everything we can to spiritually prepare for the future, and we’re doing it right now.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Wise Woman that Prepares for Her Future”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

November 21, 2022
When Love Is Not on Automatic

Colossians 2:7(NLT) tells us, “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” This scripture tells us God’s goal for us as His sons and daughters. Our roots should grow down into Christ. What are our roots? Our roots are the aspects of our being that keep us connected to God through Jesus Christ. They include the mind and heart. God commands us to put the knowledge and wisdom of His Word in our minds and hearts, because both have the capacity to nourish and strengthen all the other areas of our lives. When the roots of a tree are nourished, the trunk is unmovable, and all the other parts of the tree are strong as well. This is a good analogy of how we become firmly rooted and anchored in Christ and grow strong in his love. When we keep our roots growing down into Christ, we can be the kind of spouses God desires, and through us, He can keep our marriages secure in the unity of Christ.

Ephesians 5:25-26(NLT) says, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” The love that Jesus Christ has for the church is the kind of love women should want to see from the significant person in their lives. Christ sacrificed everything because of his great love for us, and God is telling us that, as women, we should have an expectation that our husbands will demonstrate this same quality of love. They may not be perfect at it, but they will continually grow better at loving us because of our commitment to put Christ first. This kind of relationship is available, because if it wasn’t, God would not have told us so. You will know that you’ve got a good catch when the significant person in your life sacrifices for your benefit and well-being; and you should be willing to do the same.

It’s no secret that we’ve seen a decline in quality relationships, the kind that endure hardships and last a lifetime. We have also witnessed a decline in the level of respect, honor, and appreciation that men and women have for one another. The problem is a spiritual one, and the solution begins with prayer. Each of us has a responsibility to pray that God will open the eyes of people so they can make greater room in their hearts for His love. People are turning their backs on God; therefore, they are turning their backs on His love. This is the major contributing factor in finding compatible mates. We need to pray that globally people will be transformed by God’s love, and that they will hand over the lordship of their marital relationships to Jesus Christ.

Human beings will always seek to be rooted and grounded in something, because God created us with a nature that seeks connection. We thrive from our connection to God through Jesus Christ, and we are also fulfilled through our connections with others. The issues arise when we seek to be rooted and grounded in the man rather than in the Lord Jesus Christ. When we do this, we remove Christ from his rightful position as Lord over our lives. Sometimes, we make this decision unconsciously. Slowly, we place our spiritual walk in Christ on the backburner and put the needs of the man first. Many of us do this because we think the connection to the man will fortify and nurture those places that feel empty and void within us. We must realize that only the Lord Jesus Christ can fill up our empty places.

Heavenly Father wants us to have successful and lasting marriages. Unity is crucial to moving God’s agenda forward, and unity starts at home. A successful and unified home life is a solid foundation where many treasures for the Kingdom can be stored up. So, we should never doubt that God desires this for us, because He does, but His love absolutely must be at the helm of our marriages and every other thing we set out to do.

1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT) says, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” It’s God’s Will that two individuals in a relationship be there for one another, but this isn’t permission to let our emotions and feelings get out of control or to make the relationship our whole world. It is a very delicate balance, because we want to please our partners so much, but spiritual maturity in Christ demands that we handle this balance in a way that puts God first. When we ask Heavenly Father to bless us with one of His treasures, we should be asking with both the commitment to Christ and the blessing we want to receive in mind. In other words, we should already know that the blessing we desire will require us to increase spiritually. This is necessary to remain good stewards of God’s blessings. Increasing spiritually is necessary for us to exercise Christ authority, so that whatever the difficulty and no matter the issues we encounter in the relationship, these challenges will not get the best of us.

When we’re not rooted and grounded in the love of Jesus Christ, some women will latch on to relationships with men for dear life. Then, when the man disappoints them, or worse, betrays the relationship, they are devastated to the point of collapse. Some women never get over the hurt, but deal with it through bitterness and fear, which paralyzes their spiritual growth in Christ. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t want this for any of us.

Rather than spending energy blaming the other person or holding resentment towards them, we can make a better choice. As a spiritually mature person, we are required to understand that our own personal brand of love isn’t on automatic and often shuts down when things get ugly. Our brand of love is conditional. When things go south, sometimes our love goes with them. We forget all about our brand of love, and we will get low, go toe to toe, cut the fool, and behave as if we don’t know any better. This doesn’t happen with the love of Christ. 1Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us that the love of God in Christ is patient and kind. It doesn’t insist on its own way, isn’t irritable or resentful, and it never gives up. Relationships have a way of reminding us of the ‘old man’ nature, and how much of it has seeped into our unions. We have to remind ourselves that the ‘old man’ nature was crucified with Christ. Then we must choose to remain in the love of Christ which makes us complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Only God’s love can keep a relationship thriving. When we’re faced with those difficult relationship issues, it can be very challenging to kick our Christ identity in high gear, but it gets a whole lot easier if we’re rooted and grounded in his love. The greatest thing we can do as unmarried people is to use our time wisely by doing what is required to be anchored in an intimate relationship with God. We must do the things necessary to be rooted in Christ. Our commitment and trust must be solidified first in our relationship with him, then our faith in God’s love, provision, and care will never be shaken or doubted for any reason. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“When Love Is Not on Automatic”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

October 17, 2022
Praying to Cross His Path

For a single Christian woman that is praying to cross paths with her future husband, if you haven’t met him yet, then you’re still in the process of spiritual preparation. You still have the awesome privilege to continue receiving guidance and instruction from the Holy Spirit. He prepares you to be the wife that God wants you to be. Many single sisters in Christ have questioned this. They don’t understand why spiritual preparation is necessary for marriage, and if it is, why is it taking so long? Spiritual preparation consists of the steps we take through Jesus Christ to be strengthened in his faith, power, and ability. Jesus Christ teaches in Luke 12:48 that to whom much is given much is required. Heavenly Father has called each of us to be good stewards of His blessings, and we certainly can’t satisfy this if we lack the spiritual strength and maturity to get it done.

Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV) says, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Diligently seeking God is required to receive His rewards. Anything less than what He requires will not do. Believers and unbelievers alike attempt to butt up against this truth, but it is unyielding. God has a plan for each of us. Age, background, status, or any other human standard doesn’t matter. The Will of God requires that our feet are firmly planted on the path to God’s purpose in order to receive His rewards. One of the ways we ensure we’re on this path is to examine and correct the actions we’re taking to make room for the husband we hope to meet.

Don’t be a wanderer
The children of Israel wandered around in circles in the desert for 40 years because they couldn’t get on board with having faith in God. Heavenly Father’s Word tells us that they were so indoctrinated with the mindset of their prior enslavement that they wouldn’t handle the task of changing their thought paradigm. The practice of wandering was more comfortable to them than the practice of reaching and stretching forth to newness. They refused to release old dead things, and therefore were ill-prepared with the spiritual strength to reach out and grab what God promised. It was their responsibility to prepare, and they refused to do it. Because of this refusal, those who would not change did not receive the promise.

God is perfect, and so is His path and purpose. The plan He has for your life is a good plan, but it is in no way arbitrary or random. We can’t do whatever we want to do and expect that it fulfills our call. The question to ask is whether we have the humility to ask God what He requires us to do and whether we have the patience to wait for His answer. We can’t keep wandering, being inconsistent and vacillating back and forth in our obligation to the faith. God requires more of us, and we must seek Him and be guided by Him to achieve His purpose. Our spiritual growth in Christ is what’s most important to God, and He is going to require us to lean into Him in a greater way and to step outside our comfort zones to seek His purpose.

Don’t misuse the gift
1Corinthians 7:3-5 (NLT) says,“3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

We can think, say, and feel however we like on the subject of sexual intimacy, but God is the only One who can set the standard for how this aspect of marriage should be handled. Whether we want to admit it or not, corporately, we’re paying a hefty price for taking what God ordained for marriage and using it for quick pleasure with individuals that were never destined to be our spouses. Heavenly Father specifically tells us in 1Corinthians 7:4 that a woman has authority over her body. He commands that she give this authority to her husband, and the husband will do the same. In your quiet time, make a mental note of the individuals that were not your husband, yet you gave them this authority in the past. Forgive yourself for your errors in judgement, but most importantly, repent for misusing the gift of your incredible womanhood to appease someone who didn’t honor you the way Christ does.

The husband that God has ordained for your destiny is worthy of the authority you are commanded by God to give him. Now is the time to honor your future husband, even though you may not have crossed his path. Make a commitment that you will not give to another what belongs to him alone.

Marriage belongs to God, don’t try to take it
Loneliness, isolation, unfulfilled desires and dreams, these are among the many things that can make us feel sad. Understand with all that you are that there is no cure for all that makes us sad outside of Jesus Christ. He is the answer and following him leads us to freedom in every area of our lives. All things have been placed under his feet, and this includes marriage. It doesn’t matter how many dating sites a single person has signed up for, if the person she meets isn’t aligned with God’s plan for her life, this person will not be the blessing she hopes he will be.

Marriage belongs to God. It brings glory to Him or else He would not have sanctioned it. How much faith do you have in the institution of marriage that God has ordained, and how willing are you to change in order to have the kind of marriage God wants you to have? Jesus Christ is our example, and this example is not outdated in the least bit. The example of Christ is life for us, and we can only access the more than abundant life by living in and through him. Are you willing and able to offer another individual the love of Christ in such a way that they are inspired to keep him continually at the center of their lives? Even if you’re not quite there, you must be on your way. The spiritual disciplines you practice must be firmly anchored in your everyday life, so that you are not moved from Christ, no matter who loves you or who doesn’t.

Make no mistake, God is more committed to preserve and protect you than you are to preserve and protect yourself. He knows that the wrong person can cause you dreadful harm and the right person can cause you tremendous good. Make sure you never attempt to take what belongs to God and make it your own. Don’t try to get ahead of the Holy Spirit, for that is always a reckless and futile endeavor. Focus on God by staying in His Word, praying often, and following the example of Christ. Heavenly Father knows how to bless us with marriage. He does it His way, and His way alone. Be dutiful to stay in your lane. Honor the privilege and responsibility to remain spiritually prepared for what God has in store. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Praying to Cross His Path”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 22, 2022
Looking Like A Trick Or A Blessing

I heard a young man talk about his perception of how a Godly woman behaves verses how a woman of the world behaves. A woman of the world is a woman that adopts society’s standards over God’s standards. She loves what the world loves, and she hates what the world hates. A Godly woman is a woman who lives according to the standard and example of Christ; she loves what God loves. Well, this young man said he believes social media plays a major role in a woman’s identity these days, even down to the way she dresses. He believes that many Godly women are abdicating God’s standard and allowing them to be eroded in their lives. Like me, I’m sure you’ve heard these criticisms. Some of our veterans have complained that Christian women are wearing revealing clothes that suggest they are everything but a woman of God. It’s not a new practice to allow clothing to make a statement about who we are or how we want to be perceived. However, we can never escape the reality that the benefits of being and looking Godly will forever outweigh those of being and looking sexy.

1Peter 2:9-10(NLT) tells us, “9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. 10 “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.” Heavenly Father makes it clear that we are to present ourselves in such a way that our appearance matches our identity. He accepts us as we are, but He’s also happy when we look our best, and He wants us to have the best. Our mission should not be to glorify the flesh, but to glorify God in all that we do. We are commanded to show others the goodness of God. As God’s daughters, the world’s standard should not be dictating how we dress when it comes to pleasing God with our appearance. We should be leaning on the Spirit, and our hearts should be sensitive enough to perceive the Spirit’s conviction when we’re not on point.

In the Old Testament, when God established His tabernacle on earth, He set apart a high priest. This high priest was designated and responsible for bringing the people’s sins before the Lord, he would seek God’s forgiveness on their behalf. The Old Testament outlines how very specific God is about the details, and they had to be followed to the letter, or else the priest would die instantly. God’s instructions specified the duties, requirements, and even the clothing for the priest, right down to the colors of purple, scarlet, and blue. The artisans had to be skilled and they had to capture the majesty that God specifically wanted to be conveyed. The message is clear that how we represent ourselves to the world means something to God, therefore, it ought to mean something to us as well.

At the end of the day, we are all going to do what we want, and we wear what we feel is right for us, but we have to ask ourselves which do we want to be the focus, our Godliness or how our outfit accentuates our curves. Can we have it both ways? 2 Corinthians 5:10(ESV) tells us, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” We’re on the earth for just a little while, and we need to make it count towards the purpose for which God has assigned. If something isn’t going to help us achieve the goals and rewards of Godly living, what’s the point?

All of us want a blessing from Heavenly Father. And in our preparation of receiving one of His treasures, we must consider the reality that everything that looks like a blessing isn’t one. Sometimes it is a trick from satan to swindle us out of the real blessing that God has for us. We shouldn’t want to cast our poles in a big pond and hook the wrong fish. By the same token, we, ourselves, shouldn’t want to look like a trick rather than looking like the Proverbs 18:22 treasure God desires us to be. We must not be deceived, the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy God’s people, and he looks for an opening in our lives. And yes, sometimes it can be a worldly habit or pattern of behavior that we continually indulge that causes the doors to our lives to swing open, giving satan the opportunity to pounce and devour. We can be smarter than this, and we should.

The times have indeed changed, but God never changes, neither does His Word or His standards. God warns us in Philippians 2:3(NLT), “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” There’s nothing wrong with being sharp as all get out, and having that hair and makeup game tight, but not to the point where humility has taken a backseat, and others can’t perceive God’s grace because of the noise of our appearance. No matter where we go or what we do, our appearance and how we dress makes a statement. We would do well to make sure that it’s a statement that magnifies the goodness, purity, and holiness of God. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Looking Like A Trick Or A Blessing”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 15, 2022
I Want All of You, Forever

Romantic movies have had a big impact on the way many of us view relationships between men and women. We are captivated by the lengths the leading male character will go to in order to show and prove his love for the female lead. Most of us long for this kind of romance with the person we hope to marry. In one of the romantic movies I watched recently, the man said something along the lines of, “I know it isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes it will be really hard, and we’ll have to work at this every day, but I want to do this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I want you. I want all of you, forever. I want it to be you and me.” The actor said this with such emotion and depth that your heart just melted. You couldn’t help but ask yourself, “What would I do if someone said that to me and actually meant it?”

We want so desperately for another human being to show us this kind of love, but the truth is that this is exactly how Jesus Christ feels about us. He said in John 15:13(KJV), “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” He loves us so intensely that nothing on earth compares and nothing can ever separate us from His love, for all eternity. God has given us the creativity and imaginations to produce such things as romance novels and movies. They help us to grow in our appreciation and gratitude for the level of love that He has for us all.

Falling in love gives us ooey gooey feelings of sweetness, but as yummy as it is, it doesn’t really capture the essence of the love of Christ. Jesus commands us to love each other with his kind of love, because his brand of love is everlasting. His brand of love will cause us to put the welfare of others before our own. Jesus Christ invites us to try his kind of love on for size so we can see that it fits. He wants us to get excited about it, because if we’ve accepted him in our hearts, we carry his brand of love with us everywhere we go. We can love just the way he loves.

Ephesians 5:2(NLT) tells us to, “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Movies aren’t real, but the love of God in Christ is more real than anything that exists. It is because of this love that you and I are living today. We can enjoy a romantic movie and be entertained and sometimes enriched by them. But we can only experience this enrichment because our Lord and Master set the precedent. We recognize intense love in a movie, because the real life and technicolor truth of the love of Jesus Christ saved us and rescued us from darkness.

Typically, when people make the choice to “fall-in” love, they are forming a bond. Before they even make a lasting commitment, they give their hearts to one another. They don’t recognize that people can fall out of love as quickly and effortlessly as they fall in love. The problem with a ‘falling-in-and-out’ love is that it comes in limited supply. It doesn’t last. A person hopes that the memory of what they shared in the beginning of the relationship is enough to under-gird the storms that come a bit later. The divorce rate suggests this doesn’t happen all the time.

Romantic love is subject to our own interpretation. It’s defined differently for each person, and it is based on how we choose to respond to someone and how they choose to respond to us. The love of Christ isn’t dependent on give and take. It isn’t based on conditions and circumstances. When Christ dwells in our hearts, we become a part of him. Colossians 3:3(NLT) tells us, “For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.” So then, the love of God in Christ is not just how we respond to others, the love of God in Christ is who we are. Through Christ, we become the embodiment of God’s love. His love helps us to discern and gives us the wisdom to look to Him for what is best for our lives.

All of us have enjoyed a good romance novel or movie from time to time. I personally like them very much, but it’s really important that we know the difference between infatuation and the kind of love that holds a relationship together for a lifetime. Colossians 2:10 affirms that we are complete through our union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler, power, and authority that exists. Only the love of Christ can make us complete, and you and I must be grounded in his love. God tells us in Colossians 2:7(NLT) to, “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” At the very core of our beings, we must be rooted in Christ. When we are, we will give the kind of love that honors God through Christ, and we can be confident that it will be the kind of love we receive. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“I Want All of You, Forever”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

August 8, 2022
When You Least Expect It, It Shows Up

How many couples do you know that say they met their husband or wife at a time in their lives when they weren’t expecting it? I’ve heard it said many times. Some would argue that it doesn’t matter if a person is looking for love or not. What matters is that when they find love, they are able to keep it. There’s some merit in that school of thought as well, but we can’t overlook the reality that when we have stepped away from being consumed with finding love, love finds us. At some point it has to dawn on us that there’s a spiritual principle in the notion of meeting someone when our attention isn’t on it. This principle shows us that there’s more to meeting the right person than what we’ve thought, and it reveals most assuredly that what’s going on in our hearts and minds plays a very important part.

Jeremiah 17:7-8(NLT) gives us the basis for understanding how important the mind and heart are when it comes to proving our faith in God. It says, “7 But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.” At the time God delivered these words to those living in Old Testament times, the sins of His people were notoriously disobedient. They had evil in their hearts, so much so that they made evil a part of their worship. They were so entrenched in their own kind of righteousness that they could no longer see their evil for what it was. It could be said that the women had turned their eyes and hearts from God and worshiped their men instead. They looked upon men as though they were their everything.

The same could be said of the men. They looked to their human rulers for leadership and guidance, and they totally abandoned the ways of God. Heavenly Father said in Jeremiah 17:5(NLT), “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the LORD.” Because of the idolatrous practices of His people, God told them that the wonderful blessing He had reserved for them would slip through their hands. God had blessed His people with great wealth and prosperity, but instead of being thankful and more sincere in their worship, they became self-righteous and were blind to the true righteousness of God. The same can be said about many of us.

The luxury of modern living that we’ve been so blessed to experience has blinded our eyes. We can’t see the extent to which we’ve turned from God and began to depend on people and the systems they maneuver to make life more convenient. When we operate this way, the blessings we want most can potentially slip through our hands, and like God’s people living in earlier biblical times, we’re blinded to how far our minds and hearts have turned from God. If there’s even the slightest, most remote possibility that this has happened to you, don’t delay. Offer God your most sincere and deepest apology and repent. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Our hearts can and do deceive us. Our circumstances will tell the story about where our hearts are, and what we’re harboring in them. As challenging as it can be, we must acknowledge our errors and repent so that our blessings are no longer blocked.

Heavenly Father rebuked those that had refused to acknowledge that all blessings come from Him. Then, in Jeremiah 17:7-8, He gave this wonderful blessed Word to those that placed their trust in Him. He said they had made HIM their hope and confidence. What does it mean to make God our hope and confidence? It means that we have emptied ourselves of all other negative thoughts, especially those that might be idolatrous, and the only thing remaining in our hearts and minds is our hope and confidence in God. Those who received His blessing had honored Him with their faith, and this is what He saw when He looked upon them; He saw their faith. He saw them as trees that were planted by the river.

When something is planted and rooted in the ground, it doesn’t move from one place to the next. It stays put and is totally dependent on the Creator for everything it needs. Like a tree that is continually nourished by the river’s water, we are totally dependent on God for everything. He has all power in His hands, and He has incredible love for us all, yet many of us love sin more than we love being committed to Him. Jeremiah was God’s mouthpiece, and he delivered harsh words to God’s people because they had strayed from Heavenly Father. It broke Jeremiah’s heart to speak to them that way, but it had to be done. The people called him a traitor because they didn’t want to hear the truth.

It is the same with many of us. We only want to hear words that tickle our ears, but we will not witness the mighty power of God if we refuse to hear His truth. Ephesians 3:20(NIV) declares, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” God is able and willing to do infinitely above anything we can imagine, but the buck stops with us. He moves according to our willingness to allow His Spirit to be at work within us. The Spirit moves where God’s Word is honored and believed. If we truly understand this, we can see why the most marvelous things can happen when we least expect them. When our confidence is anchored in God, we go on about our Father’s business, and stop worrying about things He has promised to provide.

We must remember that our sins are not forgotten until they are forgiven. Repentance comes with a heart that is humble and eager to please God and change from those things that don’t please Him. If we are ever unsure about our sin, we need only ask God for a revelation of it. He will reveal how we’ve grieved the Holy Spirit through our wrong actions. We must be ever so careful that our hearts are right with God, and that we’re not putting anything ahead of our relationship with Him. In Genesis 15:1, God came to Abraham in a vision and said to him, “Don’t be afraid, Abraham, I am your shield and I will protect you. I am your exceeding great reward.” Oh, how important this is for us to know. God is the Great I Am! He is our exceeding great reward! If this is how we truly feel about our God, we will have proven our commitment to Him. When we have made God our hope and confidence by living by the example of Christ, not only will He bless us when we least expect it, but He will make sure we are ready for the blessing He will present.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“When You Least Expect It, It Shows up!”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

June 20, 2022