Find A Christian Man

Category: Preparation for Marriage

Marriage preparation begins long before the wedding day. Explore biblical teaching on becoming spiritually prepared for covenant through your relationship with God, prayer, healing, maturity, character, wisdom, and a growing understanding of what God designed marriage to be.

  • Igniting A Spark in His Heart

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT) tells us, “9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” This is a great verse for anyone questioning whether God is in their corner when it comes to their quest to be married. Every time I read this verse, I’m reminded of a good friend. He said to me, “I’m no good at living alone or being by myself!” He made this statement a few years before he married his wife. He had a few relationships earlier on, but he struggled to find a balance between being a single father, prioritizing the needs of a significant other, and handling the pressure of being a successful professional. When his son went off to college, the need for someone with good maternal instincts slipped off the list, and he just wanted a companion to spend the rest of his life with. He’s an attractive person, and I found it particularly surprising how challenging he thought it was for him to find a compatible mate.

    A few years passed before he met someone that he was interested in dating long-term. He complained that many of the women he found attractive didn’t seem to have solid values or substance. They were ok with just casually dating and anything else that might come along with it. He’s a man with Christian values and wanted the woman he’d marry to not only appreciate this, but to be equally as committed to them as he was. You would think this wouldn’t be too challenging to find, and for him, it was.

    I believe the Lord allows us to hear and see certain things for a reason, and my friend’s situation opened my eyes wider to a few tweaks I needed to make. Sometimes, God lets us see and hear about situations so we will glean a bit of wisdom and take proactive measures to change or alter something in our own lives. Through James the Apostle, God tells us in James 1:5 (NLT), “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” Most single believers understand that wisdom is the principal thing and is necessary for a successful marriage, but they want to wait until they’re married to learn those foundational lessons. We need to be well-seasoned. This means the seeds that are planted now will blossom and be a part of us before we’re married. Then we will be able to nurture and support our spouses with compassion and understanding through tough times.

    My friend had attended plenty of functions where several Christian women were present, but he was waiting for a spark that connected with him. As I thought about his predicament, I began to understand that if our lights are hidden or we’re not in the habit of keeping them well lit, we may not be able to ignite a spark or recognize the need for it in someone else.

    We must ask ourselves if we have become so accustomed to our own habit patterns and thoughts about how we’ll function in marriage, that we don’t have room for God’s Will and Purpose. If our desire is to be mostly occupied with having our own needs met, we will be closed off from the one who seeks to fill a void. God tells us in Proverbs 18:22 that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. Finding a wife is admirable in the Father’s eyes. He instructs the man to do the finding, and He tells the woman how to guard her heart so she will be found. Both are equally important, but distinct, because this is the way God wanted it. We will be frustrated and disappointed in this area if we don’t honor God’s order; for He always knows best.

    Some single women that are successful in their careers may argue they don’t need a man to achieve success, and when they’re ready, they’ll begin to look for a spouse. Success in a career does not equate to a successful marriage. Jesus Christ reminds us in John 15:5 that he must be in the driver’s seat of our lives, and especially in our relationships. We don’t want to let the enemy in through pride. Marriage is God’s institution, and His way tells us that a mindset of unity, striving together, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness is required for a successful union. Having two people face challenges together extends a feeling of confidence and security about overcoming any obstacle.

    If we ask Him, through the Holy Spirit that indwells us, Heavenly Father will help us develop the qualities that will magnetize us to the presentation He will make. We need His spark through the Lord Jesus Christ, and if we are diligent to His Word we’ll have it. Some of us have never asked God to do this work within us, or to do it within the heart and mind of the man He will present to us. Now is the perfect time to add this very important request to your prayer life.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Igniting A Spark In His Heart” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Finesse of Giving and Receiving Constructive Criticism

    Proverbs 15:31-32(NLT) tells us, “If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” God’s wisdom is golden, and it will never fail, but many of us single believers find the first sentence in this passage challenging. When it comes to accepting the good counsel of others in the area of dating and relationships, some of us turn a deaf ear. We even get angry and think, “Who does she think she is? She’s not perfect and is in no position to be criticizing me!” When it comes to the world, we will accept counsel from all manner of individuals; we’ll even pay for it, and yet many of these individuals are not Godly. So, a person doesn’t have to be perfect to give useful counsel. Of course, a healthy dose of discernment in this area is biblical and beneficial, but this discernment shouldn’t exclude hearing sound wisdom from someone who tells it like it is. Sometimes we need to hear criticism, no matter the delivery. We need to try it on for size, and allow the Holy Spirit to confirm whether or not it fits.

    We all have habit patterns that we’ve developed over our lifetimes. Some of these are very entrenched. When this happens, it’s like we have on blinders. We can’t see where we may be going wrong, and we can’t tell when we’ve veered off the path God would have us to be on. In short, we can’t detect when we, ourselves, are the root cause of why we’re not receiving the blessing we desire most. We can’t see that something within us is blocking our blessing. In this state, very often we have to be shocked into paying attention.

    What does this look like? Well, sometimes people will bluntly blurt out a criticism at us, and we are appalled by their audacity. It’s cutting! They come at us sideways, and we’re immediately offended to the point of anger. Sometimes this is the only way we will pay attention to the truth we need to hear. We haven’t dealt with ourselves honestly in areas that are integral to further growth in Christ and to attaining the blessing we’ve been praying to receive. God has designed life to hurl wake-up alarms when we’re in this state, and sometimes, those alarms are anything but subtle.

    Even mature Christians have a hard time with constructive criticism, because it means you’re pointing out to them an error they’ve not confronted. People continue with poor or bad behavior because no one has pointed it out or confronted them in a way that gets their attention. It is not unusual for pain of some kind to be connected to their refusal to confront their stuff. As Christians, we have to be aware of this because the wisdom of Proverbs 29:1 (NLT) tells us, “Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.”

    Constructive criticism stings, but it’s good for us, and we would do well to stop reacting adversely and impetuously to it, and instead examine ourselves. This is the spiritually mature way to handle things. When you develop an understanding of how those little stings of constructive criticism from others help you to grow as a person, your level of compassion expands. You learn to be a person who can dole out constructive criticism yourself, and you’re more careful to do it in the most loving way possible. This is a discipline that will help us in our future marriages. When our hearts are stamped with the memory of what it feels like to be cut, we will learn to think before we speak and to be careful with our words.

    Ephesians 4:29(NLT) tells us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Godly finesse teaches us that every situation must be handled differently, depending on the person, because not everyone reacts the same to criticism. When you’re dealing with a loved one, emotions can sometimes run high, so before giving constructive criticism, we should make sure to take the situation to God in prayer first. Our commitment to humble ourselves before Him and to be led by the Holy Spirit regarding what to say will ensure that our intention is in the right place. We will add a benefit instead of sabotaging the opportunity to be helpful.

    For ourselves, we would do well to remember that when we hear the truth from someone who lacks finesse about it, it may land harshly, but it does so because we have probably refused or neglected to hear it before. It may be our final opportunity to confront some baggage without facing a drastic consequence. When it comes to giving constructive criticism, we must make sure it’s in alignment with God’s Word, so that the wisdom we give will be sound and delivered with love. Whether we’re on the receiving or giving end of things, the piece of wisdom all of us must acknowledge is that failure is imminent if we veer off the path God has set for us. We can’t be stubborn or arrogant. Receiving constructive criticism or delivering it to others requires the finesse of spiritual maturity. We must let the Holy Spirit have the final word so a productive outcome is achieved for all concerned.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “The Finesse of Giving and Receiving Constructive Criticism”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • He Will Take What You Have and Make It Great!

    Witnessing a miracle thousands of years ago when our blessed Savior walked the earth was just as extraordinary as it is to witness a miracle today. However, one could argue that the needs of many people were much greater back then. During the time of his ministry, people were amazed and excited by the wondrous acts of love that Jesus was able to do. News spread quickly about his power and compassion. John 6:1 tells us that large crowds began to gather and follow him because they saw him miraculously heal the sick. During this time, they didn’t have hospitals or conveniently located doctors’ offices and medical treatment centers. Without a local community person that was well-versed in homeopathic herbs, many people suffered through diseases and illnesses in agony. The severity of their situations compelled them to zoom in on Jesus with razor-sharp attention. They were looking for a miracle, and he didn’t disappoint them. He won’t disappoint us either.

    John 6 tells us a great multitude followed him after Jesus left Jerusalem and was back in the area of Galilee. As soon as we hear the name ‘Jesus’ in the same sentence as the word ‘multitude’, our thoughts are immediately braced for the epic love transaction that is about to take place. We know certainly that our Lord and Savior was all too capable of doing the miraculous, and that the great need of others would be met by his willingness to perform according to the Father’s Will.

    People of all backgrounds, ages, and conditions were attracted to his great power, and he knew they would be. He wanted them to come to him because he possessed the healing, restoration, and love they desperately needed. We should all aspire to be spiritually strong in Christ, so that others can see the strength of our faith and glorify God. Our faith in God has drawing power, and if we remain close to Him, it will pull people and resources that will both bless us and allow us to be a blessing.

    As was his custom, you and I can guess with a great deal of probability that Jesus Christ had already received revelation about what was going to occur in John 6. In John 5:19(NLT), the preceding chapter, Jesus Christ said, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.” No doubt Jesus spent quality time in prayer with Heavenly Father in the wee hours of the morning, and God had already revealed to him what was going to transpire and how he should handle the situation.

    It was around the time of Passover, and John 6:5(NLT) tells us that while sitting on a hill with his disciples, they saw the huge crowd coming towards Jesus. He turned to Philip and asked a question, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” Jesus was not looking to Philip for a resolution, because he knew Philip had doubt in his heart. In John 6:7(NLT), Philip responded, “Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!” There were about five thousand men, and this count did not include the women and children that were there as well. Philip saw this situation as outside the limits of what they could handle. The revelation of the enormous power and authority of Jesus Christ slipped by him, and it really shows us how careful we must all be not to let this happen.

    The miracle that Jesus performed in John 6 would not be the first of which Philip would see. As a disciple, he had been with Jesus and had seen him do many marvelous works, yet, the crowd, the bigness of the situation, caused Philip to go to a place he had been many times before. It caused him to shrink back to doubt, because like many of us, doubt for him was comfortable. Understand that God is able and willing to go beyond anything you can ask or think, and the only thing that is required from us is to trust and believe in His ability and willingness.

    In John 6:9, Andrew spoke up and said, “Hey, there’s a boy over there, and he has five loaves of bread and two fish, but we can’t feed all these people with this little bit of food.” It cannot be lost on us that this boy with seemingly too little food to feed a multitude of thousands was strategically positioned for the purpose of God. Not only did he have the right amount of food, but he was in the right place at the right time. He had just enough for the miracle that was about to take place. This allows us to see that although we may not be the most talented; we might be the most attractive or intelligent. In fact, we may think we’re not enough or that we don’t have the qualifications to do all the things we desire to do, but God can take the little bit we have and make it great! We are exactly what we should be for Him to work a miracle.

    Jesus Christ fed thousands with five loaves of bread and two fish. He blew everyone’s mind by showing us the magnitude of God’s love and power. Heavenly Father is willing to do so much in our situations. He wants to show Himself strong on our behalves, but many of us will not give Him the little bit we have so He can make it great. Instead, we make excuses. We allow our minds and hearts to remain on the lower plain of doubt and insecurity, and because of this, we cannot see the hand of God reaching down to lift us up. Change this! Spend time in prayer and ask Heavenly Father to reveal His Will for your life. Ask Him to lead and guide you, and don’t hold back anything from God. Be always willing to present the little you have to Him in faith, and always expect that He will multiply it and make it great!■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “He Will Take What You Have and Make It Great!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Let’s Clean House

    Saturday’s are my ‘clean house day.’ It’s the only day during the week that allows me time to make sure most of the house is clean the way I like it. My mother had all girls. She was never fooled by the surface cleaning we used to do in a hurry when we were younger. It had to be cleaned through and through, which meant we couldn’t get away with making it look good on top. She inspected the details. We couldn’t just put away things in cabinets; the cabinets had to be cleaned and neat as well. What can I say? This stuck with me. Like everyone else, I’m busy all the time, so not everything gets the full attention I prefer, but at least I know most of the house has gotten the bleach-clean treatment I’m used to; and I feel good in my soul when it’s done.

    One particular Saturday afternoon, I decided to clean out my make-up kit and bathroom cabinet.  Before I knew it, my trash can was full of mascara, lipsticks, and hair products. I couldn’t believe how much stuff I had accumulated and had to throw away. I also quickly realized how much time, money, and effort I’d spent on trying to look my best. This is of course the way God’s children should approach their well-being, and I’m sure I’m not alone on this one. It demonstrates the dedication most of us put into our outward appearance. But what about the inner appearance? The inner part is what God values most!

    Honestly, I don’t regret making the purchases or the time and energy I spend to look my best, because this is one of the ways we take care of our temple and make sure it looks as good on the outside as it does on the inside. We demonstrate our gratitude for God’s gifts by taking care of them as best we can. You and I represent God’s Kingdom as ambassadors for Christ, but we must never underestimate the Words of God in 1 Samuel 16:7(NLT): “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

    Our Heavenly Father doesn’t see us the same way as others, thank goodness! 1Samuel 16:7 is a reminder that the heart is more important than outward appearance to God. Society puts tremendous focus on how a person looks outwardly, on what kind of clothes they wear or how well their hair is groomed, but this isn’t Heavenly Father’s focus. He looks at the heart.

    God requires that we clean house when it comes to the feelings and desires of our hearts, because we’ve got things left in there from the past, when we didn’t know Christ as well as we know him now. God tells us in His Word to get rid of the old thought patterns, attitudes, and behaviors we had in the past. Those things cause us to sabotage our blessings, and this isn’t what Heavenly Father wants. Sometimes, we have to do more than surface clean. We need to inspect inside the cabinets, and throw away that stuff that isn’t useful to our journey forward and upward. We need to make room in our lives for new blessings and greater spiritual growth; this is what we need to put on like a second skin. Some of us are still holding on to things like pride, arrogance, bitterness, resentment, and anger. We need to be praying and asking the Lord to help us release that old dead stuff so that we are prepared for what He has in store.

    In Matthew 23, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, warned the Pharisees about being more concerned with their outward appearance than with the conditions of their own hearts. He said in Matthew 23:27(NKJV), “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.” We don’t want to be guilty of carrying dead things in our hearts like them. And therefore, we must pray continually like the psalmist, David, prayed in Psalm 51:10,  that the Holy Spirit will create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us. We must ask God to help us see anything that isn’t right, so we can clean house and be well pleasing to our Heavenly Father.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Let’s Clean House” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Keep Love in the Front Seat

    Monica Green handles pressure very well. Some would say it comes from single-parenting two children, one of them with autism and the other high-schooler struggles with anxiety sometimes. Monica handles it all while keeping a smile on her face. Her bosses and coworkers love her; they are like family. When her long time employer was on the bridge of bankruptcy, like everybody else, Monica went over and above to make sure the doors didn’t close right before Christmas. Well, the business did eventually close, and things were tight, but Monica had dealt with tough times before. Keeping the faith that God would work it out, CHECK! Remaining optimistic and steady during a move three hours away from her family and friends to accept a new job, CHECK! Cooking breakfast, making sure kid’s homework is done, preparing lunches, and dropping off the kids at school before 7am, CHECK!!! Forgiving the ex-husband for abandoning her when things got tough, ummm, get back to her on that one.

    For many women, especially divorced women that are now the head of their households, forgiveness doesn’t always come easy. Letting go of the hurt and pain caused by an ex-husband or a significant other can be a process. It takes patience, diligence, and a great desire to please God. Forgiveness is an area of our Christian walk that is more important than any of us can ever imagine. One indication of its importance is in the prayer template that Jesus Christ taught us and the disciples. In Matthew 6:12-13, he tells us to pray that God will forgive our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Forgiving others will open the door for God to forgive us. Jesus goes on to tell us in Matthew 6:14-15(NLT), “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

    This is very serious business! An unforgiving heart is fostered by our will and desire to hold on to bitterness and resentment. An unforgiving heart signals the heavens of our refusal to submit to the authority of Christ. It is a refusal to humble ourselves before God and allow His love access to the places in us that are severely broken. He wants to heal us. In order to let His healing complete it’s perfect work in our hearts, we must repent for the sin of resentment and bitterness. We must invite the Holy Spirit to help us release it. He’ll tear down the walls of fear we’ve built up around our hearts. Then we can be a living and holy sacrifice that is acceptable to God. If we refuse to do this, as harsh as the reality sounds, an unforgiving heart will doom us to hell. For Jesus said in Matthew 18:3 that unless we are converted and turn from our sins as humble children, we will by no means enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

    We are sometimes hurt so badly that we want the person to feel the wrath of what they’ve caused us. Ephesians 6:12 tells us very plainly that our real enemy is the devil, and he is the one who works against us, and will sometimes use our loved ones to do it. But we refuse to see it this way. We want vengeance, and that is a path that will always cause a person to spiral downward. God said in Romans 12:19 that vengeance belongs to Him. He set up the universe in a way that it handles all such matters perfectly. We are not to interfere with God’s perfect law; for it needs no interference from us.

    There’s nothing that we lose in broken relationships that God can’t give back to us. He reminds us of this in Joel 2:25, when He told His people that He would give back what they had lost. We must remember that the walls we put up to protect ourselves also block God’s love from entering in. Never ask God’s love to take a back seat. It will forever and always deserve to be in the front, steering our lives to infinite possibilities, blessings, and continued peace in the Lord Jesus Christ. We must remember that God doesn’t condemn us when bitterness is in our hearts, but it is our responsibility and privilege to ask the Holy Spirit to help us get rid of it. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Keep Love in the Front Seat”,written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Let God Give You the Vision

    Genesis 15:1-7(NLT)
    “1 Some time later, the Lord spoke to Abram in a vision and said to him, “Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great.” 2 But Abram replied, “O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son? Since you’ve given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth. 3 You have given me no descendants of my own, so one of my servants will be my heir.” 4 Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” 5 Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!” 6 And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith. 7 Then the Lord told him, “I am the Lord who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give you this land as your possession.””

    Many Christians have heard this record regarding God’s promise to Abraham numerous times, but they may not have fully appreciated the hefty privilege we have as descendants of Abraham’s faith in God. Abraham is called the ‘Father of Our Believing’ because he was fully persuaded that God was not only able, but willing to fulfill that which He had promised. Many of us don’t have the kind of faith that Abraham had, but we should. We have nothing like his circumstances to contend with, and you and I have access to spiritual power that Abraham didn’t have; we have the gift of Holy Spirit dwelling within. Abraham demonstrated for us what it looks like to be sold-out on God’s Word. We are the Children of Promise, and anything less than an Abraham-kind-of-faith will cause us to miss out on all that God has in store for our lives.

    Abraham had a yearning in his heart, and many single women can understand what this feels like. He wanted a family, but his wife, Sarah, hadn’t been able to conceive. Abraham thought the story was over, given that he was way past the age of a man typically able to produce offspring. Imagine how he must have felt, to think that what he wanted most appeared to be an impossibility. Yet, we don’t read anywhere in God’s Word that Abraham had grown bitter or resentful. We don’t see him refusing to be obedient, but rather the opposite. He continued to be a man that honored God, despite the disappointment he might have felt. His humility and obedience to God’s Word ultimately gave faith the landing strip it needed.

    Many of us have been praying for marriage a long time. We’ve asked Heavenly Father to bless us with a good man, and because the answer to our prayer doesn’t appear to have materialized yet, we conclude our prayer hadn’t been effective. In Genesis 15:1, Heavenly Father said to Abraham, “I am your Shield.” God placed a hedge around Abraham to protect the promise. Abraham didn’t know what God had in store. He no doubt enjoyed the protection and care of God’s covering all his life, yet, he didn’t know the bounty of what was included in this protection. He didn’t know that God was also protecting the promise of his future. The same is true for you.

    I’m reminded of an occasion when my youngest daughter received a bag of snacks at school one day. Her class had a birthday party and the kids were given a bag of candy and chips to take home. Late that day, when she got home, she noticed the bag was lighter than it was when she left school. Immediately she became upset. After inspecting the bag, I noticed that it had a hole in it, and all of the candy had fallen out. This is indicative of many of our prayers and beliefs in the area of marriage. We stagger at the promises of God and refuse to align ourselves with His Will. Because of this hole in our faith, our petitions fall to the ground, and we miss the opportunities to enjoy the sweetness of what God has in store.

    We must remember that God delivered the promise first, and Abraham responded to God by having faith. This is the pattern God has set, and we must use it. Before Abraham responded to God, his mindset was “I’m old and comfortable. I will stay here in my father’s country and live out my days.” God had a different plan.

    You may need to ask yourself if you are too comfortable? Is God’s Will your plan, or are you asking God to make your plan fit into His Will? That won’t work. Abraham had to stretch himself to see beyond circumstances that might have toppled the believing of an average man living in his senior years. He had to expand his vision of what was possible, and God did this for him when He commanded Abraham to go outside and look at the stars. This gave Abraham the vision he needed to think and believe according to God’s Will. It is always spiritually prudent to ask God for this same vision so that we align ourselves with His agenda, instead of clinging to our own. This conveys our humility before Him.

    When we go to the Father, we can’t have low expectations. We can’t have the attitude of ‘maybe God will answer my prayer or maybe He won’t.’ You have to know beyond anything else that God wants to bless you. He wants you happy and fulfilled more than you want it for yourself, but there’s a pivotal and crucial piece of information you must always keep in the forefront of your mind. And it is the reality that only God makes promises that are guaranteed. He’s the one who sets the agenda for your life, and to see His promises come to pass, you must follow His Will.

    In your life, let’s face it, you’ve done things because you wanted to do them, and sometimes, you didn’t consult God. You’ve planned your future the way you wanted it to go, completing your vision boards and the whole nine yards. Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) tells us, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Don’t misunderstand, God wants you to have a vision, but His plan and purpose must be first in your life. Let God give you the vision. As you continue to humble yourself and yield to Him, you’ll receive the same success as Abraham and Sarah, and the promise of the Father will be fulfilled in your life. ■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Let God Give You the Vision”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • This Is A No-No!

    This Is A No-No!

    Some people are of the mindset that if you truly love each other in a marriage, then you won’t walk out of it so easily; if you give up on the marriage, then it wasn’t real love in the first place. This is a harsh judgment, but it is reasonable in one respect; because it conveys an understanding that real love is God’s love. His love is unbreakable, unconditional, and limitless. God is capable of a love this strong, but many of us haven’t put on His Word in our hearts and minds enough to walk in His love fully. We struggle with resentment that comes from hurt feelings when we are offended by others or undervalued by them. Our relationships break apart when the unions can’t hold up under the constant pressure of unfulfilled expectations and misplaced faith.

    We can never be blasé about the covenant of marriage or about the possibility it holds for us personally. Marriage is God’s institution. It is a union ordained by Him, and Jesus Christ must be at the center of it. Because of this, we should also be well aware that the enemy will seek to come against our unions, and it will require our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to persevere.

    2Corinthians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” This verse gives us the context for understanding what’s at stake and what we’re working with. It tells us that we’re like fragile clay jars. We have baggage of our own, and we have baggage that we’ve inherited from others close to us. A lot of us bring this into our relationships. One of the best things we can do is recognize we have a few issues. Then, to the extent that we can, we should be honest with ourselves and our partners about this baggage. We should ask for the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and we should also lovingly ask for our partner’s forgiveness and patience as we work through it.

    God also makes it very clear in this verse that our clay jars, although fragile, contain a great treasure. It’s the great power of the Holy Spirit. We are born into this world with an assignment, and only the Spirit of Christ can lead us through it. Marriage is one of the institutions that helps us continually learn and do what we were born to learn and do. It helps us to carry forth our purpose. Many of us give up on marriage before these lessons are presented or learned. We must remember that we are becoming the person God destined us to be. We’re not quite there yet. So, on our own, we don’t have the strength, power, and love to make it through a marriage. We must depend on the treasure of the Holy Spirit to help and lead us through the complications we may face. His power is more than enough to strengthen our unions, if we will only lean on it with all that is within us.

    2Corinithians 4:8-9(NLT) says, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” Heavenly Father didn’t keep the struggles of life a secret. Sometimes it feels like four walls are closing in on us. There’s trouble everywhere we turn, but we will not be crushed if we turn to Him in faith. I’ve heard it said that you don’t really have real love if you’re not willing to be vulnerable enough to allow another person to hurt you. The love of God in Christ is the only love strong enough to eradicate fear and hold up under the pressure of hurt feelings and wounded hearts. When Jesus Christ is the center of our existence, we can endure the hardships of relationships because he is allowed to work through us and our partners through the Holy Spirit. This repairs the damage, restores us, and keeps us in God’s Will.

    It’s a no-no to begin a marriage or relationship by trying to make the other person your everything. They can’t meet those expectations, and neither can we. Our desire should always be to let our partners see the love of Christ at work in our lives, and to pray that God will work in our partner’s life as well. Through the Spirit, together, a couple can be strengthened continually as they both center themselves in Christ. They must recognize that God’s purpose is at work in their lives and pleasing Him is what matters most.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “This Is A No-No!” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • Feeling Unloved

    She said she felt unloved at home. When her husband asked why she cheated on the marriage, this was her response. His name is Jeff, and he is what most of us would coin as the quintessential ‘good man’. He’s handsome, handy, and loves being at home. He’s kept a steady job for years and is sometimes generous to a fault. What is wrong with sister-girl? How could she let him go? It’s not as if good men like this are falling out of trees like leaves. They are a little challenging to find, don’t you think? And once you’re blessed to cross paths with someone that’s compatible and digs you too…WHAT!!! That’s a match, right? …not always!

    See, this is the thing we have to be careful about. Everyone is looking for a soul-mate, someone that moves them so undeniably that they can’t envision living their lives without this person in it. Sometimes we meet someone, instantly feel a connection, and we’re convinced in our souls this person is the match we’ve been searching for. The problem a whole bunch of us run into is that we don’t always know our souls well enough to trust this feeling completely. We need the help of the Holy Spirit to determine if we’re making the right choice. Jesus informs us in John 16:13 that the Spirit guides us into all truth. Our souls don’t always tell the truth, so this verse isn’t referring to information we get from our souls. It’s referring to the truth that only Jesus Christ can give us.

    In Psalm 51:10(ESV), David, the psalmist, prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” This is an attitude that moves us closer to God and prepares us for our destinies. Being single provides us with an opportunity to pray this prayer continually. It gives us the time we need to let Jesus Christ take the wheel, and to be patient with ourselves as we surrender it to him completely, so he can lead us where God wants us to go. The first stop is going to be our hearts. He will lead us inside our souls to see some things we perhaps have never seen. This will bring up feelings that were bottled up long ago, but sometimes we must confront the place inside our hearts where we feel unloved, and we must do this before we even meet the person we’ll ultimately marry.

    If we don’t do this work before we get married, our expectations for marital partners will be unrealistic, because we expect them to love us in places where we don’t even love ourselves. If we did, we would have allowed the love of Christ to do its perfect work in our souls.

    When God looks at a married couple, He sees one person. Marriage is His institution, and the covenant has His stamp on it. If God looks at the married couple this way, you and I have no other choice but to view partnership this way as well. When you look at your spouse, you will see yourself; and vice versa. Your spouse will sometimes mirror the best in you, as well as the worst in you. The worst in us of course is the reflection none of us want to see. If we’re not spiritually mature enough to handle it, the blame game begins, and our unloved place grows.

    Psalm 34:18(NLT) tells us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” The Lord will be close to us when our hearts are broken and rescue us when we’re crushed from a relationship gone wrong, but He’d much rather rescue us before we make the wrong choices. We’re all born in sin. We will make mistakes, and we have things about ourselves that can cause us to sabotage meaningful relationships, but we must remember that God knows our futures. He knows that many of us feel unloved because we haven’t fully surrendered to Christ. He will help us address this and prevent us from getting hurt down the road. Let the Holy Spirit takeover your preparation for marriage. If you follow his guidance, he’ll help you surrender the things that hold you back so you can embrace His love, and let it propel you further. ■

    English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    “Feeling Unloved” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Ebbs and Flows of Single Life

    About a year ago, a friend of mine traveled a good distance to hear a very popular young prophet preach. She came back from her spirit-filled evening fueled with exhilaration and excitement. The prophet declared that within the next year, many of the single women attending that evening would be either married or engaged. My friend couldn’t stop talking about what this meant to her, because she’s been waiting so long to be wedded to a compatible partner. I’ve known my friend for quite a while, and I’ve been by her side as she’s endured heartaches and disappointments in relationships. I wanted so much for her exuberance to last. I wanted it to ignite meaningful change and purposeful steps towards the man that would soon be her husband.

    I don’t know of any other journey filled with as many ebbs and flows as that of being single today. Navigating being single takes the same spiritual tenacity as navigating through life; and the one thing that we can depend on about life is that it is constantly changing. Heavenly Father designed life to be this way. When it comes to being married, some of us have the mindset that once it happens for us, life will extend a courtesy of coasting on smooth waters. This is a misconception. It is a thinking that undermines our efforts to walk in faith. We must recognize that once the promise of God is firmly anchored in our hearts and minds, the challenge deepens.

    In Hosea 4:6, God tells us that His people are destroyed because of a lack of knowledge. He tells us that they reject knowledge. What knowledge are we talking about here? Are we talking about books from gurus who believe they know more than God? I don’t think so. God is talking about knowledge that comes from Him through the Lord Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the power of God’s Word that equips men and women for marriage, and because they are not hungering for a Word from God, they can’t build faith.

    My friend seemed to be taking steps to grow spiritually, and her optimism about the future was infectious. She began to purchase an abundance of bridal magazines and started to pick out wedding dresses and possible venues, but after about four months, her optimism took a turn for the worse. It began to wane because the man she had feelings for made it clear that marriage was out of the picture for him; he wanted to date other people. She viewed this as the end of a dream rather than the beginning of one.

    Romans 15:13(ESV) says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” This is an amazing prayer for every believer. Our Extraordinarily Loving and Powerful Heavenly Father is the God of Hope! He is the Foundation upon which our hope is anchored. He, and only He, can fill us with ALL joy and peace so that our believing lives! This is on the same lines as the Word of prophecy given to my friend, except, instead of understanding that her hope should be in God, she looked for it in the man. That’s never a winning strategy.

    She was over the moon with excitement about the prospect of getting married. She even pledged a greater allegiance to the things of God, but time proved that her relationship with Heavenly Father was not the driving force behind her new-found excitement; she was driven by the prospect of what she might get from Him.

    James 1:3 (ESV) says, “For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” When we receive a Word from Heaven regarding what God wants to do for us, He wants us to respond with joy, and He also doesn’t want us to be ignorant about the ebbs and flows that often accompany the process. As mature sisters of the Word, we must leave room in our awareness for the reality that our faith is going to be tested by the devil; he will attempt to steal the joy of the Word that God has given us. And it is also important for us to know that the devil will test our faith to see whether our motivation is truly about our love for God, or if it is about getting what we can get.  Know the test may come. When it does, James 4:7 says we must submit ourselves to God and resist the devil; he’ll flee.

    Also, the maturation process of our faith will mean that some things and some people that we’ve been holding on to will no longer be a part of our journeys. They’ll seek to be released from our lives, and we need to let them go. They are occupying space required for the newness of what God will bring.

    Finally, know that you’ve got to stand firm in the faith. The jubilance for the expectation of the blessing cannot exceed the level of joy in your heart for the Lord. Only faith that is anchored in the joy of Christ will move you forward. Expect that the enemy will test the source of your joy to see if it’s based on your relationship with God, or based on the blessings you want from Him. You must love His Spirit more than you love someone’s flesh. When your faith is tested, make sure you know the difference between the two. ■

    English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

     “The Ebbs and Flows of Single Life” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

  • The Hope That Is in You

    Sometimes life can seem a bit like a treasure hunt with clues. You begin the hunt by crossing the path of someone you were destined to meet. Usually, this is not the partnership connection you were praying to make. Instead, it is an opportunity for you to sow into someone’s life. Once you’ve done this, once you’ve demonstrated the love of God in a way that blesses the person, the door to the next blessing for you suddenly appears. Still, it may not be the connection you hope to make, but it will keep you on the path that leads to it. The piece of knowledge every single woman needs to know is that the hunt—the sowing part of the journey—is just as important to God for you to fulfill as meeting the man that is your ultimate treasure.

    The Test
    2Corinthians 13:5 tells us, “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.” This should be common practice in every Christian’s life, because sometimes we’re operating outside of faith when we think we’re operating in it. The Apostle Paul said, “Test yourselves.” This means that we have to look at our willingness to exhibit the same level of love that Christ exhibited. As women, we can become so caught up in our desire to be married, that we forget to see men as folks that also need a witness. They need to see the love of God demonstrated without the trappings of attraction or the lack thereof.

    Colossians 4:5-6(NLT) tells us, “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” This verse was heavy on my mind as I thought about a gentleman I know. He was goo-goo-gaga for a woman that didn’t share the same feelings for him. She’s a Christian woman but left no lasting imprint of it on him. We don’t have to be attracted to someone to show them the love of God. Colossians 4:5-6 instructs us about the attitude and manner that God expects from us. We must be oh so careful not to leave a poor witness, or to miss an opportunity to share the Good News about our Savior’s love. Yes, it is a fine line sometimes, but as God’s wise and careful ambassadors for Christ, we should know how to walk it.

    We could be the last chance a person has to change their lives for the better and make Christ the center of their existence. You and I are sent to bear witness of the Savior’s love. It’s not all about looking cute or ascertaining whether the person will become a permanent fixture. Jesus Christ said in John 15:16(NLT), “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” You and I have been appointed by Christ to go and bear fruit. How serious are you about your appointment? We need to give this some thought, because our conviction to the call is going to be tested. Some of us are so consumed with wanting to get married that we’re neglecting our responsibility to bear fruit. There should be hard evidence that you have demonstrated the faith to bear fruit, and the commitment to do so should come before your expectation of marriage. Responsibility will always come before reward.

    God desires that we go into marriage solidly engaged in our purpose before we ever meet the man we’re going to marry. This is especially important today, because the roles of men and women are not nearly as defined as they once were, and communication about God’s requirement in the marriage, and how to meet it, is often missed. We’re struggling to understand and appreciate one another, still. So we come to the table, and do so with some of the most important wisdom and knowledge being unspoken and unlearned. We figure a lot of this out as we continue the partnership, but in order to do it, our purpose in the Will of God cannot be ambiguous, because it is the thing that continually binds us to Christ.

    Hope is a magnet
    1Peter 3:15(NKJV) tells us, “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;”  This verse very clearly tells us that some people will be curious about the hope that is in us. Is the hope in you on full display? When you meet a man that clearly doesn’t pull at your heart strings, do you view it as an opportunity to shine the love of Christ? With God, nothing happens by happenstance. There’s a reason for everything under the sun. Always keep in mind that hope is a magnet. Even unknowingly, sometimes people, men too, cross our paths not to pour into us, but to receive the hope that is in our hearts. This is an investment we are destined to make, and it will position us closer to the treasure we desire.■

    Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    “The Hope That Is in You” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!