It is becoming increasingly popular for women to propose to men. While commercials depicting this scenario received a thumbs-up from women’s rights organization for championing women’s options, as believers many of us are not on board. God’s people must be committed to trust and believe His Word. His Word is true, and it is also the preeminent authority on everything that pertains to life. So, we have to trust the wisdom of Proverbs 18:22, that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. It is the man who is supposed to do the finding, not because the woman is deficient in any way, but because this is how a man obtains the Lord’s favor. But what if you’ve been found already? What if you believe he is the one, but asking for your hand in marriage just isn’t his thing?
Someone shared with me that she’s in a very similar situation. She was dating a man she believed to be the right one for her. He always said that if he was ever going to marry someone, she would be that woman, except a couple of years went by, and he never proposed. As a way to motivate his proposal, she ended the relationship, but he didn’t take the bait. She felt enough time had gone by and a few weeks ago, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Since neither of them have ever been married, and in her words, they’re not getting any younger, she went ahead and ‘put herself out there.’ She said she couldn’t imagine God would have her continue to wait year after year, so in her mind and heart, putting herself out there for the man that she loves was the right thing to do.
He didn’t meet her with any opposition, and after speaking with him, she felt relieved, but he also didn’t give her the direct answer she was hoping for. She wanted a promise from him in the form of a wedding date, and he didn’t oblige. Like many single Christian women, she has lots to offer; attractive, successful, and dependable. She believed that after laying all her emotions and good intentions out on the table, he would respond with a resounding ‘yes’, and at the very least she was hoping for perhaps a mildly reluctant “Okay”, but this didn’t happen. He didn’t choose her, and she is left to deal with the reality that he possibly never will.
The confidence of choosing well
There is nothing in all the world that compares to knowing something so positively completely that there’s no doubt in your mind. Only God can give us this level of confidence. It’s the confidence of knowing we’ve chosen well. This is why trusting Proverbs 18:22 is so important, because when God ordains something, we can have utter and complete confidence in it. Everything about relationships doesn’t have to be conventional. God created us uniquely, but we must be clear that He’s a God of supreme order, and if Christ is going to be the head of our marriages and relationships, we must be led by the Lord.
I think back to a passage of scripture in Acts 1:15-26. Joseph (also known as Justus) and called Barsabbas, was not chosen by God when it came time to replace Judas. Judas had betrayed our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and met a tragic end. So, the disciples of Jesus prayed to God to lead them in making the right decision. In Acts 1:24(NLT), they prayed, “O Lord, you know every heart. Show us which of these men you have chosen as an apostle to replace Judas in this ministry.” They cast their lots (votes), and God chose Matthias to become an apostle with the other eleven.
Joseph wasn’t chosen by God, and that must have been disappointing for him, but this allows us to see very clearly that our choices have implications. Even if disappointment is involved, it’s better to deal with hurt feelings in the short term than to turn our backs on God’s Will. Choices impact our lives dramatically. God knows this, and if we haven’t made Him the major participant in our choices and decisions, we stand to walk away from the destiny He’s ordained for us.
As a woman who honors herself and desires to be honored by the man she will ultimately marry, she shouldn’t except less than what the Father wants to give her. The disciples had a very important choice to make, and they didn’t leave it to chance, but depended on God for His divine leadership and guidance. We must be spiritually mature enough to do the same thing.
As born-again believers, we can receive information from Christ through God’s Holy Spirit. He will aid our decision making and help us walk according to God’s order. If we’re not yet able to discern the Spirit’s voice, we must continue to pray and be patient with ourselves to grow in Christ. Then, when we’re confident in the Spirit, we can be confident in our choices. You won’t have to ask “Why not choose me?” You’ll know that you’re with a man who enjoys God’s favor and he will consider you his greatest reward.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Why Not Choose Me?” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!