Category: Preparation for Marriage

The mustard seed is the smallest of all seeds, but it produces the largest garden plant that will ultimately grow into a tree. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 17:20(NLT), “You don’t have enough faith… I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, imagine what you could accomplish! Do you have mountains you’d like to move from here to there? For many single women, it’s the mountain of singleness and loneliness. Do you want to speak to the mountain, and tell it to ‘vamoose!’? If so, it’s time we get very specific about expanding our faith, so we can speak to singleness and loneliness, and have them vacate the premises for good.

Jesus Christ didn’t tell the disciples that they had no faith. He told them they didn’t have enough faith. They had little faith, and the little they possessed wasn’t even the size of a mustard seed. They didn’t have enough faith to speak with authority and cause a mountain to move. Jesus is letting us know very valuable information in this verse, and we can’t afford to overlook it. First, he is speaking to the position many of us are in when we have issues that seem too big for us to tackle. Secondly, he gives us the root cause of our not being able to move from point A to point B, and it is because we don’t have enough faith. Lastly, he tells us that faith is such a potent reality, that we don’t need gobs of it, because a mustard seed’s worth will move a mountain. Overall, Jesus Christ gave us some perspective about what we can actually achieve through faith, if we mentally believe.

Christian or not, all of us are born with faith. God warns us through the Apostle Paul in Romans 12:3(NKJV), “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” All of us have a certain measure of faith. It takes faith to even get up from where you might be sitting and move from point A to point B. We can’t do anything without faith. We may have the capacity to become the world’s greatest scientist or candlestick maker, but without faith in the capacity we hold, we will not pursue either of those respectable professions. From this, you and I can ascertain that faith requires a mental component that we must have.

Jesus Christ wants us to know what is possible through faith, and that we are the ones to give it momentum. A person can possess talents, skills, and gifts; but without the mental gumption to believe in their talents, skills, and gifts, they will not get very far. James 2:26 tells us that faith without works is dead; it’s a flatliner. Many single Christians often struggle with this. They know they need to back their faith with works, but have issues when it comes to knowing exactly what to do in order to back it with the right kind of action. Any ol’ action will not do.

Ephesians 1:11(NKJV) states, “In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will.” You and I don’t get to move from point A to point B in faith without understanding that we have a destiny in God’s plan, we have a purpose to fulfil, and this purpose is according to God’s Will. When we’re walking in purpose, things like meeting your future spouse naturally fall in line. But here’s the critical truth we must know, faith is not increased by what you decide is the right action, but by what God says is the right action. Again, the mental component of believing must be mixed with faith to give it momentum. Believing is cemented in our hearts and minds by obeying God’s Will and Word. Believing is the mental thing that is mixed with faith through our actions to put God’s agenda first.

You have faith right this moment, but to move from one blessed level of existence to another, you must have the “enough faith” that Jesus Christ was speaking about in Matthew 17:20. In other words, we can say that we have faith we’ll meet and marry the person that is right for us, but if we do not take action to share an encouraging word to someone who needs it, our faith is dead. We can’t say we have the faith to meet a quality person on an online dating site, but don’t have faith that we can hear from God about what He desires us to do. Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes wherever the Word of God is heard, and once faith comes, it then waits on us to act on the Word we have received. So, we must understand that faith empowers us to do the Will of God. Our commitment to put action to God’s instructions yields the reward of the blessing we seek. We can’t expect the reward if there’s no right action.

Faith requires a mind that believes! And not just believes, but believes the truth and acts upon it! The truth is that God has an extraordinary plan for your life. It includes many rewards and blessings, and your spouse too. You can have it if you have enough faith, and if you have enough faith, you will do what God requires of you. You’ll do it because you believe He will continually empower you to build the life you want. So, wherever you are in life, whatever you’re doing, make sure that God’s agenda is your first priority. When it is, He will make sure you move from point A to point B.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

 “From Point A to Point B” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Genesis 1:21 tells us that God created all the creatures of the earth, and made them in such a way that they produce offspring of the same kind. Birds don’t have baby giraffes, and frogs can’t produce cows, or vice versa. From His Word, we can very clearly see that our Heavenly Father is a God of order. Therefore, He is the Architect of patterns; very good patterns. In Exodus 25:9, He told Moses to build the Tabernacle and its furnishings exactly according to the pattern He had shown him. In Philippians 3:17, the Apostle Paul tells us to pattern our lives after the example he had set, because his example was patterned after the love and faith of Jesus Christ. So we have to wonder, when it comes to marriage, did God establish a pattern that will lead us to the right person?

Adam–the first man, The Tabernacle, Noah’s Ark, the process of sanctification and sacrifice, the prophets, and Jesus Christ, our precious Lord and Savior; God gave us these patterns and many more examples to help guide us in right living—to show us what to do, and in some cases, what not to do. The critical question is why? The critical answer is that this is how He designed us. We follow patterns; it’s what we do. In John 14:6(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Jesus Christ is the way! Following his pattern of thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, and actions will lead us to the Father’s heart.

Unlike earlier biblical times, when children were taught about God in Christ relentlessly from a very early age, some people living in modern times don’t hear about our Lord and Savior until they are adults. Others of us may have heard about him in Sunday School, but we didn’t connect with the knowledge that would free us from some of the heavy stuff we’re carrying in our souls today.

As women, some of us attached ourselves to men that were not our destiny partners. And some of us were horribly treated, disrespected, and emotionally injured by them. We have scars, and some of those scars are leftovers from wounds that go way back to when we were much younger. One of our problems is that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for the poor choices, because we won’t acknowledge the poor choices. We won’t deal with the reality that we learned some patterns that caused us to attract from a place of fear rather than faith.

1Corinthians 4:20 (NLT) tells us, “For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.” There is a connection that works for every child of God, it helps us to achieve maximum results for our lives. It’s God’s power! It fuels our ability to recognize patterns to live right and successfully, and it also gives us the ability to recognize when something is not right. We have to accept that sometimes the patterns we learn are not those that Heavenly Father set up. Instead of helping us they hinder us, and can do this so deceptively that we don’t even recognize it.

Living by God’s power is a choice. It’s also a choice to accept that we’re holding on to stuff that we need to let go. Jesus Christ is our pattern for success in every walk of life. He allowed himself to be stripped of everything when he died on the cross for our sins. He endured suffering with a willingness to give up something in order to gain everything. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that because of the joy he knew he would gain by redeeming us, he endured the cross, and is now seated at the right hand of God. The great news that Colossians 3:3 tells us is that our lives are in him now! We must allow the indwelling Holy Spirit to help us strip off the deadness of old wounds, so that we can be healed. Through his leadership and guidance, we can make better choices for our futures, walk more fully in the power of God, and follow the pattern of love that leads us to an incredibly blessed life.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Healing Old Wounds” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Proverbs 13:12(NLT) says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” This is one of those yummy truths that every single woman who desires to be married should digest completely. It will require us to ponder this wisdom very carefully. It is necessary that we begin by examining the word ‘hope’; it ought to be one of every Christian’s favorite words. Hope is a joyful expectation, and if we’re being honest, a lot of us single sisters don’t have it. We have an expectation when it comes to the type of partner we desire. We may even have an expectation about the details of the wedding, but for many of us the joy is missing in action. It is imperative that we get on the case pronto with this one, because if our hope is in Christ, joy must be its defining characteristic.

When hope is deferred, it means that we may need to put the fulfillment of our joy on hold. Many of us that have been praying to cross paths with our future marital partners think we know a little bit about ‘hope deferred’. We may even go so far as to say we’ve kissed our fair share of toads, and none of them have turned into a prince. In our estimation, the elusive Mr. Right is our hope deferred, and we can attest that after a few years of waiting, it can indeed make the heart sick. There’s very little worse than having your expectations raised, only to have them doused. This is what makes many of our sisters in Christ reluctant about putting themselves out there, as they might have in the past.

Here’s the thing that our Precious Heavenly Father wants us to chew on, when our hope is in Christ, the desire of our hearts is never indefinitely deferred. If what you and I desire is according to the Will and Word of God, it WILL come to pass. And for some of us, our faith isn’t quite making this leap. We’re not sure it’s the Will of God for us to be married, and this is the hurdle that we have to get over in order to cultivate faith in our quests.

Marriage is God’s institution. He ordained it. Heavenly Father could have left Adam by his lonesome, but God didn’t do this. In Genesis 2:18(NKJV), He said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” It is very important that Christians learn the deep connection of a union, and one of the reasons God set up marriage is to teach us the greatest lessons about unity in Christ.

For those who desire to marry, God desires it for them more than they can ever desire it for themselves. God is not withholding the blessing of a spouse. So, we have to ask ourselves a hard question that requires a brutally honest answer. Are we deferring our hopes because we want everything on our own terms? One of my sister-friends said this to me the other day. She said that she’s been willing to accept so much and make so many concessions for men in the past, and it still doesn’t work out. Now, because of the disappointments in her past relationships, she believes she’s entitled to have things on her own terms and has adopted an approach of inflexibility.

Her disappointment is certainly understandable. She has exhausted a lot of emotional energy and time into the wrong situation. But it could be that she is backing herself further in a corner and putting more separation between her and the blessing she expects. It’s possible that even after spending years praying and waiting for Mr. Right, her heart is still not humbled towards God, she has not changed, and she has not renewed her mind to the love of Christ.

Isaiah said in Isaiah 64:8(NLT), “And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter.” When our hopes are in OUR dreams, and not in the dream God has for us, disappointments are likely to happen. The dream Heavenly Father has for us is a tree of life that keeps on giving. It’s a dream that we ought to be joyful and excited about. We should be fully invested in it, because God is going to make it happen in the very best possible way. Proverbs 23:17-18 tells us that when our hearts are anchored in obeying His Word and honoring Him, He will reward us and our hope will not be disappointed.

The psalmist wrote in Psalm 25:11-12(NLT), “11 For the honor of your name, O LORD, forgive my many, many sins. 12 Who are those who fear the LORD? He will show them the path they should choose.” God knows best when it comes to your future, and He requires that Jesus Christ is at the center of your desire to marry, so that you will follow the path that He has laid before you. When Christ is our focus, it means that our desire is based on the call to be a loving example of his love. The Holy Spirit will produce joy within because our hope is in Christ, and because our heart is to please God by being the kind of wife He desires us to be. Sign over your quest for marriage to God’s terms, and let your terms take a backseat; then your hope will change from deferred to fulfilled, because Jesus Christ will make your dream a tree of life.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“On My Own Terms” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

My friend, Erica, has been spending a lot of time with a guy that, for anonymity’s sake, we’ll call Jason. They’ve been getting together casually after work, and if it were up to Jason, he’d spend every day with her. Erica, on the other hand, thinks he’s a very nice guy, but finds Jason almost repulsive because of his appearance. It’s true that he’s not the neatest man. In fact, he looks a bit scruffy because of his unmanicured beard, and in Erica’s estimation, he could stand to lose a few extra pounds. Even though he checks off the majors on most any single woman’s list; he’s kind, financially stable, good job…Erica can’t get beyond his appearance. As her friend, I’m concerned that she’ll never see the possibilities that are right at her fingertips.

We have to face it, for many single women, appearance is the elephant in the room. We all have our vision of what Mr. Right should look like. Most of us are willing to bend a little bit, but not that much. We place a great deal of stock on presentation, but the wisdom of old tells us that looks aren’t everything.

I remember being in high school and girls would fall head over hills in love with the most handsome guy in class. As we get older, we chalk up our affinity for certain physical attributes to ‘liking what we like’, when actually our likes and dislikes are molded by the influence of our peers and by our young crushes. The thing is, the most handsome fellas are sometimes coddled. They focus a lot of their energy on themselves. As God’s daughter, quite naturally the Father wants you to have a spouse that deeply values your worth. He wants you to partner with a man that will make supporting YOU the focus of his care.

Heavenly Father doesn’t want any of us lowering our standards, but it is absolutely paramount we recognize that God is the one who sets standards, not us. So, it’s never about lowering our standards as much as it is recognizing that God always knows what is best for us. This will forever be the bottom line.

Colossians 3:12(NLT) tells us, “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Heavenly Father expects all His daughters to clothe themselves in these heavenly garments. The only way to fulfill God’s requirement is to have a loving heart that seeks to please Him above all else. In Romans 13:12, He tells us to remove our dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of light and love. We can’t do this if we’re so focused on a person’s flesh that we can’t see the beauty of their heart.

The very first sin that we have knowledge of isn’t Adam’s and Eve’s transgression of disobedience in the Garden of Eden, it is the sin of the devil’s arrogance. The devil’s declaration of arrogance and defiance is recorded in Isaiah 14:13 (NIV). It reads, “You said in your heart, “I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon.” This is the record of the enemy’s attempt to overthrow the Kingdom of God, and the thing that motivated him is pride. God hates a prideful heart, and Proverbs 8:13 tells us to reverence God by separating ourselves from pride, and hating it as much as He does. So we have to be very careful that pride has no place in our motivations to partner, because Proverbs 16:18 tells us that a prideful heart will lead to destruction. It will hinder our faith.

In high school, the girls would say, “If the shoes ain’t right, the hair ain’t tight, and the teeth ain’t white, he’s a total dub.” Immaturity prompted many of us to obsess about looks and style. As mature women of God, our Heavenly Father holds us to a higher standard, and often times this takes us out of our comfort zones. When it comes to the arena of love and marriage, we must pay close attention to our motivations, because if they’re not centered on Christ, we’ll keep ourselves separated from the blessing we desire most. We would do well to always remember that the Father is helping us to continue building the capacity to love like Christ, and this will ultimately create the space for God to bless us with the partner that is best for our lives. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Shoes ain’t Right, Hair ain’t Tight, Teeth ain’t White” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

One of the most sound pieces of advice that I can give to single women is to be as discreet and private as possible when it comes to your personal life; especially at the very beginning of a new relationship. I’ve counseled many women in this area, many of them have lived to regret being so open and candid to their friends about the new man in their lives. If you heed my advice, it’s very possible that you may come across as secretive to some. That’s ok! Discretion is very important to God. We know this because there’s a lot He has placed in His Word for us to know, but there are many more mysteries that He hasn’t revealed; and He has good reason.

Jesus Christ gave us a warning in Mathew 6:1-4(NLT). This passage tells us, “1 Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. 3 But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. 4 Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”

The context of this passage is about giving, sharing, and being of service. That sounds a whole lot like marriage, doesn’t it?!! Our Master Jesus cuts right down to the meat of the matter as he warns us about our motives for putting our kind deeds on blast. We’re very often motivated out of a need to be admired by others. We want them to be impressed with what we’ve got going on. Jesus has stamped this practice with a serious “NO!”

Marriage is increase! It’s the most substantial investment in another person’s life that anyone can make. As a good steward or manager of God’s blessings, we should endeavor to show ourselves worthy of the commitment of marriage. After all, it is an institution that belongs to God. He created it, and He knows the best way to begin, maintain, and treasure it. Part of our good stewarding or managing practice is keeping quiet about certain details. As a precautionary and safe practice, it’s okay to share some things with those we trust, but the best practice is to consult God regarding details like timing and the potential of the other person to be committed. We need to be confident that we’re actually in a relationship that the Father has ordained, so that we don’t present it to others as something it was never meant to be.

Jesus tells us that if we’re continually spilling the beans and showboating, that’s all the reward we’ll get. This is not what we want. We should want God to reward us by preserving our relationships and causing them to flourish in every way. Jesus instructs us not to let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. The wisdom of this is breathtaking. Jesus knows that the enemy can’t steal what he can’t see. As Godly people that are learning to partner with the Lord to protect our unions, until Heavenly Father releases us, it just makes sense to use discretion about what He is showing us. Then we won’t let the devil see what is unspoken. A person can give the enemy eyes to see and ears to hear if they’re always speaking about their hidden treasures.

Perhaps there are situations that the other person hasn’t yet handled. Maybe the work that God is doing in their hearts needs more time to marinate. There are sometimes many details that require sorting out in order that two people can come together. And because some of us haven’t cultivated a practice of being a locked-box of discretion before the Lord, we sabotage a blessing before it flourishes. We can prevent this from happening by learning economy when it comes to our words and conversations.

1Corinthians 2:7 tells us that God kept the finished work of Christ a mystery as far back as the foundation of the world; even His Old Testament prophets could not figure it out. It was God’s secret. So being discreet isn’t about being sneaky or fearful. It’s being responsible to God. Being discreet is a discipline that goes hand in hand with the commitment of love. It works to build a relationship, and keep it strong. If you’ll pray about this, the indwelling Holy Spirit will help you stay on the right path. So make a conscious effort to have self-control in this area. Let the Spirit guide you regarding what you can, can’t or shouldn’t say regarding your new relationship. If the Spirit doesn’t release you to speak it forth, keep it quiet.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Building Love and Keeping it Strong” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Sometimes, it isn’t enough to tell a person not to do something, but they have to know why they shouldn’t do it. The same premise applies to the do’s and don’ts of partnering. It isn’t enough to tell you NOT to do something that will adversely impact your quest to get married. In order to provide you with substantive tools that will greatly aid your quest, you have to know WHY you should or should not do something. The right knowledge is power, and the source of all right knowledge is God’s Word. It is the definitive authority on everything there is. Heavenly Father tells us in 2Peter 1:3 that through His divine power, He’s given us everything we need for living a good and Godly life. He’s provided access to this kind of life through the knowledge of His Son, Jesus Christ. So, everything that you and I could possibly need to be fulfilled, accomplished, and happy can be obtained by living our lives by the example of Jesus Christ. Whenever we veer away from living our Christ reality, red flags go up and flashing lights appear. When it comes to your quest for marriage, you have to ask yourself if you’re ignoring these warnings.

In Romans 12:1(NIV), God tells us, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” God wants to live through us so that we are more effective in introducing His Kingdom on earth, and so that our experience of life on earth is more fulfilling and abundant. He desires to work in us to will and do of His good pleasure. He never takes from us, but gives continually; and in Romans 12:1, He’s asking us to give Him greater space in which to work in our lives. He’s asking that we present ourselves before Him as a living sacrifice. This informs us right off the bat that sacrifice is a very important piece to living through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is also a very essential component to preparing for and maintaining a marriage.

In order to rescue believers from the pit of hell and purchase us back from the ruler of darkness, Jesus had to offer his life as a sacrifice for our sins. He had to die the most horrific death imaginable. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that this was a price he paid gladly because of the joy that was set before him—the joy of having us, you and me, in God’s family. He did it to please the Father, and because of his great love for us all. You and I were not capable of ransoming ourselves from the devil. Our sinful nature kept us locked in his dungeon of darkness and despair. But although we could never have paid the price that Jesus paid, we should understand the pattern that he’s set. Through his example, Jesus Christ has demonstrated pure faith. He showed us that sacrifice is endured gladly when the joy of the reward is believed wholeheartedly.

Do you believe God will bless you with a good and Godly husband?
Have you sacrificed fleshly pleasures because of the conviction of your faith?

There can be no question that there are going to be some things we have to give up in order to gain more and go higher. Some of those are things we find pleasurable. Everything in life, and when I say ‘everything’, I mean EVERYTHING in life is spiritual. If you want to understand the ‘why’ of things, you must put them in the context of spiritual. God is a Spirit. He created everything there is, and everything that He created flows harmoniously with His divine Will, which is good and perfect in every way. Whenever the intention of our minds and hearts seeks to step outside the Will of God, we will experience in life what amounts to red flags and flashing lights. These come in the form of interrupted peace, mistakes, missteps, and hiccups. We would do ourselves the greatest favor by taking corrective spiritual action before things become worse.

In Matthew 16:19, Jesus Christ declared that He’s given us the keys to the Kingdom, which means whatever we loose on earth will be loosed in heaven; whatever we bind on earth, will be bound in heaven. When it comes to the choices and decisions we make daily, we have only these two buckets of which to cast our energy and resources. We either bind or loose. SIN binds, OBEDIENCE looses.

It’s important to understand this because we don’t always make the best choices when it comes to honoring our temples. We can’t partner with sin and expect a Godly result. Heavenly Father is a God of order, and obedience to Him requires that we follow His Word. Women hold the keys to a happy and fulfilling marriage through being obedient to God’s Word. You represent the greatest asset in your own quest to partner in marriage, but understand that God can’t help you partner in sin. He’s helping you prepare for what you’ve been praying about by loosening the walls around your heart, so that you love freely and unconditionally, through HIM! Red flags and flashing lights in your circumstances are queuing you in that disobedience has reared its ugly head. Don’t ignore the signs. Line up your actions and decisions with God’s Word.■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Red Flags and Flashing Lights”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Recently, a wonderful young woman stated to me very emphatically that she is tired of being single, but she followed this statement by also affirming her conviction to wait on the Lord. She said she doesn’t want to just be married for the sake of saying she’s married. She wants to have a real marriage. We know that many today are not as patient as God desires, so considering this young woman’s age, I couldn’t help but to be incredibly impressed with her stand. I know women twenty or thirty years older that haven’t demonstrated this level of faith. In a nut shell, this young sister is believing God to bless her with a man that is worth every inconvenience her temporary single status may require. She’s fully-persuaded in the Lord, and seasoned sisters can learn a thing or two from her made-up mind.

Young women in their twenties have seen some of the mistakes that many of us more mature women have made in our relationships. Desperation has not been our friend, and has caused us to acquiesce in ways that ended up betraying us. Some of us poured all we had into relationships with men that may have been right for someone else, but weren’t right for us. We tried to force that square peg into a round hole, and the result of this pressure was a fractured heart and very often emotional exhaustion. Some of us walked away from it saying we would never marry or love again.

So, our young sisters are cautious, but very hopeful and optimistic about what God has in store for them. They have a preponderance of new revelation and an impressive understanding of sound doctrine from God’s Word. They hunger for genuine intimacy in their relationships with Heavenly Father, and this more than anything else, is going to secure the foundation of their future marriages.

Proverbs 4:7(NKJV) says, “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” God gave us the Book of Proverbs to lead and guide us in His wisdom. Much of this book is designed to instruct young folks, so that they will not be given over to youthful lusts and end up wasting their valuable time on costly and foolish mistakes. God tells us that wisdom is the principal thing. This means that we should make the attainment of wisdom a serious priority.

Many of us desire to marry a man that can bring to the table something of substance, and do so in a way that equals or exceeds our own capacity. We want him to be self-sufficient, able to get paper legitimately, and able to unselfishly and assuredly contribute to our households. Emotionally, we’d like him to be present; to be loving, kind, and compassionate. Above all else, we want him to be saved, Holy Spirit filled, and able to love us as Christ loves the church.

This should be our expectation because it is God’s standard for the husband. He tells them in Ephesians 5:25 (KJV) “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” This is wisdom! We can’t rise above that which we do not know. If a single Christian woman isn’t aware of this standard in God’s Word, then she might have no basis for expecting her husband to have such an abiding love for her. But God has made the standard clear, and because of this, we know that it’s true, achievable, and righteous.

God’s Word prepares the single person for marriage, as well as every other triumph or obstacle in life. His wisdom prepares us for success in every area. Many mature Christians do not part the pages of their bibles until Sunday. They don’t know God’s nature, are limited in their knowledge of Christ, and haven’t invited the Holy Spirit to have full reign over their lives. The young woman determined to receive God’s best is taking care of this spiritual housekeeping. She’s committed to being transformed by the renewing of her mind. Through God’s Word she’s positioning herself to have a marriage blessed by the unity and peace of Christ. God will do this for her, just as He will for every woman committed to seek Him first.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“I Want to Have a Marriage – Not Just BE Married”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

You can be the sweetest Christian ever, you’re still going to have enemies. People will not like you just because, and that’s the truth of it. Sometimes they’re the people you’d least expect. I read a story the other day about a Christian couple who have recently gotten engaged. They are happily planning their wedding while others in their intimate circle are presenting obstacles for them. People they would have never suspected are taking issue with certain details of their impending nuptials. Hurt feelings, resentment, and harsh opinions are rampant. This couple isn’t perfect. Their relationship already had its fair share of issues, as many relationships do, but despite everything, this couple is trusting God and overcoming whatever comes their way.

When two Christians who truly love the Lord endeavor to come together, it’s no question that they will face some troubling waters. It takes true soldiers to stand amid all the incoming darts, and be confident in victory. You find this out very quickly when your plan is to unite together as one in the name of Jesus Christ.

2 Timothy 2:4(ESV) tells us, “No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.” This verse of scripture comes from the letter that Paul, the Apostle, wrote to his beloved brother in Christ, Timothy. He instructed him not to get caught up in the unnecessary pursuits that may come his way, but to only focus on pleasing God. This is incredible wisdom for any Christian, but it is particularly important for a couple. It is very easy to become so distracted by the details of planning a wedding, that you forget the reason for your union.

Jesus Christ said in Matthew 18:20(NLT), “For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” There’s something extraordinarily pleasing to the Father when two people come together to worship and praise Him. Imagine how this is multiplied in marriage. It’s an oath of unity pledged between a man and woman who are committed to honor Christ.

In the preceding verses, in Matthew 18:18-19, Jesus said, “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.” The power of the Holy Spirit flows mightily through these scriptures, and it is not hard to see why the devil tries his best to stop two people from coming together. He doesn’t want to see them activated in the power of Christ.

Whenever we decide to live for God, we are going to come under some form of attack by the enemy. It’s just a part of our journey. God rewards us for being able to stand strong in the midst of adversity. He tells us in 2Timothy 2:12 that if we endure, we will reign with Him. If we hold on and don’t give up or give in to the distractions that the enemy throws our way, Heavenly Father assures us that we will see the victory.

It is refreshing to hear a couple share the truth of their conviction to stay the course. Every unmarried Christian who desires to wed someday should be mindful that coming together in the unity of marriage has it challenges. If we use our time wisely as single people and prepare spiritually in Christ, we will not be swayed or rocked by obstacles. Instead, we’ll be poised to stand back to back with our future spouse, armed with the Spirit’s sword, and ready to fight the good fight of faith in the name of Jesus Christ.■

English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Soldiers Are Always Prepared for the Fight” written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

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Stephanie was nineteen years old when she married her husband. Surprisingly, she doesn’t have the most positive attitude about it. In fact, she often says that it wasn’t the wisest move to make. She said that if she had to do it all over again, she doesn’t think she would ever have gotten married. Preparing to celebrate their 40^th wedding anniversary this summer, she reminisced about how she and her husband met. “I can remember it like it was yesterday. I even remember the kind of car we were in when we shared our first kiss. It was a yellow Datsun with a red strip down the side…I was 17.”

Everett was her first love, and she said she fell for him hard. She had to wait until she graduated high school before they could even go out on a first date. Shortly after that, they went to the justice of the peace and got married. Two years later they had their first child.

Everett had grown up very poor. His mother struggled as a single parent and they lived in low-income housing. The working world was foreign to the way of life his mother had always known. Their rent was subsidized, and the additional $30 requirement each month was the only demand their mother placed on her grown children still living at home. Smart, handsome, and having greater opportunity than his mother, as a young man, Everett was never driven beyond the point of having just enough to get by. It would later turn into a lack of ambition that shaped much of his adult years.

At 17, Stephanie didn’t seem to mind his way of thinking. All she saw was his beautiful caramel-colored skin and hazel-green eyes. They were head-over-hills in love, but that love waned over time. They’ve struggled financially most of their marriage, and Stephanie feels robbed in many ways.

Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) says, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” The more we know about God and trust His love, the more we will trust our own ability and strength through Him. Heavenly Father has made it possible through the Lord Jesus Christ for us to live the highest and most fulfilling life of which we’re capable, but we absolutely must be guided by Him to achieve it. This is one of the reasons it is so important to know the Will of God concerning your life, so that you will not depart from it. When we don’t know God’s Will for us, we make decisions that seem right, but in the end, they’re not the wisest choice.

God gives us those red flags. Stephanie’s biological dad believed the match between her and Everett to be a poor one, but she ignored her father’s advice. She has been determined to remain faithful to the marriage, and it has not been without its rewards. There have been many happy times, but she has a nagging suspicion that her life was not all it could have been. Her resentment has turned into deep sadness. Although Stephanie is thankful for her family and husband, she feels bad about herself and ashamed of what she feels to be a lack of personal fulfillment and accomplishment. Everett is not to blame. He had never been taught to believe and trust God beyond his own limited capability. The good news of Jesus Christ is that even when we make poor choices and decisions, even when we’ve spent many years feeling unfulfilled, there is still great hope. God can and does restore us.

We all make mistakes. We made them before we became saved, and we made them after. Some were doozies. And yes, quite a few of us did indeed marry a person whose faith was perhaps small to begin with and remained that way. This does not mean that our faith has to be small, nor does it mean our love for them has to diminish. 2Corinthians 12:9 tells us that God’s grace is exactly the remedy we need, because His power and strength works best in weakness.

1Corinthians 7:14 also tells us that the unbelieving husband can be made holy because of his wife, and vice versa. Yes, things are a bit more challenging when a believing spouse has tremendous faith and wants to do so much more, and the other spouse does not. The solution is the Holy Spirit. He’s the equalizer. We can’t navigate successfully without his leadership. It’s not about seeing another person—spouse, friend, mother, father, sister, brother—as someone that can rescue us from anything. God is our sufficiency. He’s our Rescuer. We should forever and always place our trust in Him. When we do, He’ll turn things around, not just externally and in our relationships, but in our hearts. We’ll find fulfillment and happiness in Christ! He’ll transform our regrets, and give us the spiritual eyes to see his light in our spouses.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Married and Unfulfilled”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!